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sharlan 04:45 PM 10-31-2011
..........they frustrate me.
I have a child that frustrates me beyond belief. I try really hard with him because they say that the child that is the hardest to love is the one who needs it the most.
I bought this child a pumpkin so that his father could HELP him carve it. I found out this morning that the father did it himself, not letting the child help at all.
We had an extra one that didn't get carved this weekend so I asked him if he wanted to carve it. This child has never carved or even helped carve a pumpkin in his life.
When is this generation going to realize that it's not all about them, but about the kids? Or is it me, am I outdated?
I have a child that frustrates me beyond belief. I try really hard with him because they say that the child that is the hardest to love is the one who needs it the most.
I bought this child a pumpkin so that his father could HELP him carve it. I found out this morning that the father did it himself, not letting the child help at all.
We had an extra one that didn't get carved this weekend so I asked him if he wanted to carve it. This child has never carved or even helped carve a pumpkin in his life.
When is this generation going to realize that it's not all about them, but about the kids? Or is it me, am I outdated?
KBCsMommy 05:50 PM 10-31-2011
I believe the new term is " Helicopter Parenting" 
Or as I like to refer to it " I dont have the patience to help you so I will do it for you" !!!!
Good for you to help the lil guy out.
Or as I like to refer to it " I dont have the patience to help you so I will do it for you" !!!!
Good for you to help the lil guy out.
SilverSabre25 05:53 PM 10-31-2011
Yeah...there are really good reasons that I follow the Free Range Kids blog
My 4 yo helped carve pumpkins this year--she helped scoop the stuff out (first with a spoon, then her hands), she drew a face on her pumpkin, and I did let her grab a butter knife to *try* to cut the pumpkin (she tried, she failed, she let me do it, just like I knew would happen). I let her poke the carved parts out of their holes. Everything I got to do at her age, I let her do, and boy, did she take PRIDE in what she did.
Did it take longer? Meh, possibly, I'm really not sure. Did I schedule in time for her help? Yep. Was it fun? Heck yeah! Will she remember this a year from now, 5 years, twenty years? Most definitely!
My 4 yo helped carve pumpkins this year--she helped scoop the stuff out (first with a spoon, then her hands), she drew a face on her pumpkin, and I did let her grab a butter knife to *try* to cut the pumpkin (she tried, she failed, she let me do it, just like I knew would happen). I let her poke the carved parts out of their holes. Everything I got to do at her age, I let her do, and boy, did she take PRIDE in what she did.
Did it take longer? Meh, possibly, I'm really not sure. Did I schedule in time for her help? Yep. Was it fun? Heck yeah! Will she remember this a year from now, 5 years, twenty years? Most definitely!
familyschoolcare 05:58 PM 10-31-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Yeah...there are really good reasons that I follow the Free Range Kids blog
My 4 yo helped carve pumpkins this year--she helped scoop the stuff out (first with a spoon, then her hands), she drew a face on her pumpkin, and I did let her grab a butter knife to *try* to cut the pumpkin (she tried, she failed, she let me do it, just like I knew would happen). I let her poke the carved parts out of their holes. Everything I got to do at her age, I let her do, and boy, did she take PRIDE in what she did.
Did it take longer? Meh, possibly, I'm really not sure. Did I schedule in time for her help? Yep. Was it fun? Heck yeah! Will she remember this a year from now, 5 years, twenty years? Most definitely!
It propbely did not take longer than my teenagers took to carve their pumpkins. Who knew that when mom talks about how we are carving pumpkins as a family on sunday the 29th that when the 29th came around on would still need 20 mins to think about what to carve. Aparently jackolaterin face is uncool.Yeah...there are really good reasons that I follow the Free Range Kids blog
My 4 yo helped carve pumpkins this year--she helped scoop the stuff out (first with a spoon, then her hands), she drew a face on her pumpkin, and I did let her grab a butter knife to *try* to cut the pumpkin (she tried, she failed, she let me do it, just like I knew would happen). I let her poke the carved parts out of their holes. Everything I got to do at her age, I let her do, and boy, did she take PRIDE in what she did.
Did it take longer? Meh, possibly, I'm really not sure. Did I schedule in time for her help? Yep. Was it fun? Heck yeah! Will she remember this a year from now, 5 years, twenty years? Most definitely!
sharlan 08:37 PM 10-31-2011
I cut the top off for him. He scooped all the seeds out, I helped with the stringy goo. I had him mark a face, but he made small features. I told him that he needed bigger eyes, nose, and mouth or the knife wouldn't fit in. I gave him a marker and he redid the features.
I used a screwdriver to punch a starter hole in each one. I have a little battery powered cutter that he was able to cut everything out with. I took a steak knife and cleaned up the holes for him.
I gave him a little candle and told him he could take it home. He was pretty excited. Well, as excited as he gets.
Come on, the kid is almost 9 (5 wks) and he's NEVER carved or helped carve a pumpkin...........
I used a screwdriver to punch a starter hole in each one. I have a little battery powered cutter that he was able to cut everything out with. I took a steak knife and cleaned up the holes for him.
I gave him a little candle and told him he could take it home. He was pretty excited. Well, as excited as he gets.
Come on, the kid is almost 9 (5 wks) and he's NEVER carved or helped carve a pumpkin...........
Meyou 02:19 AM 11-01-2011
Poor buddy. 
I don't get some parents either.
My 7 yo dd carved TWO all by herself this year and she was sooooo proud. She even used paper designs and made one that was a cat and another that was a spooky tree. She worked on them for 3 days afterschool....hours total.
Would mine have been perfect? Sure. But OMG she is still thrilled with her pumpkins over a week later. How could any parent take THAT away from their children??
I don't get some parents either. My 7 yo dd carved TWO all by herself this year and she was sooooo proud. She even used paper designs and made one that was a cat and another that was a spooky tree. She worked on them for 3 days afterschool....hours total.
Would mine have been perfect? Sure. But OMG she is still thrilled with her pumpkins over a week later. How could any parent take THAT away from their children??
Mrs. CC 04:40 AM 11-01-2011
I don't recall ever carving a pumpkin as a child. I am pretty sure I am not scarred for life because of it.
Due to religious beliefs our family didn't "do" halloween. *shrugs* Still not seeing any lasting trauma from it.
It is possible the family didn't want to get into a confrontation with you over their personal beliefs, so they just took the pumpkin home and told you that dad had carved it.
Annoying that your intent didn't happen how you wanted it to, but exciting that you were able to provide a lasting experience.
Due to religious beliefs our family didn't "do" halloween. *shrugs* Still not seeing any lasting trauma from it.
It is possible the family didn't want to get into a confrontation with you over their personal beliefs, so they just took the pumpkin home and told you that dad had carved it.
Annoying that your intent didn't happen how you wanted it to, but exciting that you were able to provide a lasting experience.
sharlan 05:09 AM 11-01-2011
It had nothing to do with personal or religious beliefs.
It was all about the father wanting the fun for himself.
It was all about the father wanting the fun for himself.
PitterPatter 05:16 AM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I cut the top off for him. He scooped all the seeds out, I helped with the stringy goo. I had him mark a face, but he made small features. I told him that he needed bigger eyes, nose, and mouth or the knife wouldn't fit in. I gave him a marker and he redid the features.
I used a screwdriver to punch a starter hole in each one. I have a little battery powered cutter that he was able to cut everything out with. I took a steak knife and cleaned up the holes for him.
I gave him a little candle and told him he could take it home. He was pretty excited. Well, as excited as he gets.
Come on, the kid is almost 9 (5 wks) and he's NEVER carved or helped carve a pumpkin...........
I love that you helped him enjoy a new tradition!I cut the top off for him. He scooped all the seeds out, I helped with the stringy goo. I had him mark a face, but he made small features. I told him that he needed bigger eyes, nose, and mouth or the knife wouldn't fit in. I gave him a marker and he redid the features.
I used a screwdriver to punch a starter hole in each one. I have a little battery powered cutter that he was able to cut everything out with. I took a steak knife and cleaned up the holes for him.
I gave him a little candle and told him he could take it home. He was pretty excited. Well, as excited as he gets.
Come on, the kid is almost 9 (5 wks) and he's NEVER carved or helped carve a pumpkin...........
Some parents just don't get it, it's sad but I have seen this myself.
As for the kids who draw too small I have that problem too so now I buy the small baking pumpkins. This way the kids can carry them home too. Sometimes we carve and sometimes we just paint them.
Meyou 05:20 AM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by Mrs. CC:
I don't recall ever carving a pumpkin as a child. I am pretty sure I am not scarred for life because of it.
Due to religious beliefs our family didn't "do" halloween. *shrugs* Still not seeing any lasting trauma from it.
It is possible the family didn't want to get into a confrontation with you over their personal beliefs, so they just took the pumpkin home and told you that dad had carved it.
Annoying that your intent didn't happen how you wanted it to, but exciting that you were able to provide a lasting experience.
It's not the same situation. There is a big difference between a home that doesn't celebrate the holiday and one where the father chooses to do holiday activities in front of their child and not let them participate. That's not nice at all.I don't recall ever carving a pumpkin as a child. I am pretty sure I am not scarred for life because of it.
Due to religious beliefs our family didn't "do" halloween. *shrugs* Still not seeing any lasting trauma from it.
It is possible the family didn't want to get into a confrontation with you over their personal beliefs, so they just took the pumpkin home and told you that dad had carved it.
Annoying that your intent didn't happen how you wanted it to, but exciting that you were able to provide a lasting experience.
Mrs. CC 06:08 AM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by Meyou:
It's not the same situation. There is a big difference between a home that doesn't celebrate the holiday and one where the father chooses to do holiday activities in front of their child and not let them participate. That's not nice at all.
If the father's intent was to make the child watch while the father had a wonderful time, then I agree with you.It's not the same situation. There is a big difference between a home that doesn't celebrate the holiday and one where the father chooses to do holiday activities in front of their child and not let them participate. That's not nice at all.
I was sharing a potential reason for why it could happen. Not all situations are as they seem from one side.
The OP (Original Poster) said that the father just wanted all the fun for himself. I for sure know people like this.
I also know children who are not as engaged at home as they are in school/daycare/homecare. So they get home and while being fun and engaging with me and our set up, they are not so fun or engaging at home.
So, father could have tried with all he knew how and the kid didn't want to be a part of it or father could have been a DUD and left the kid out. *shrugs* I have no idea in this situation.
I do know that in my situation I was not scarred for life never having carved a pumpkin.
MsMe 06:21 AM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by Mrs. CC:
If the father's intent was to make the child watch while the father had a wonderful time, then I agree with you.
I was sharing a potential reason for why it could happen. Not all situations are as they seem from one side.
The OP (Original Poster) said that the father just wanted all the fun for himself. I for sure know people like this.
I also know children who are not as engaged at home as they are in school/daycare/homecare. So they get home and while being fun and engaging with me and our set up, they are not so fun or engaging at home.
So, father could have tried with all he knew how and the kid didn't want to be a part of it or father could have been a DUD and left the kid out. *shrugs* I have no idea in this situation.
I do know that in my situation I was not scarred for life never having carved a pumpkin.
My boyfriend also never carved a pumpkin in his childhood and is not scared for life If the father's intent was to make the child watch while the father had a wonderful time, then I agree with you.
I was sharing a potential reason for why it could happen. Not all situations are as they seem from one side.
The OP (Original Poster) said that the father just wanted all the fun for himself. I for sure know people like this.
I also know children who are not as engaged at home as they are in school/daycare/homecare. So they get home and while being fun and engaging with me and our set up, they are not so fun or engaging at home.
So, father could have tried with all he knew how and the kid didn't want to be a part of it or father could have been a DUD and left the kid out. *shrugs* I have no idea in this situation.
I do know that in my situation I was not scarred for life never having carved a pumpkin.
BUT
he family did lots of other activities with with him....
OP am I right that this family does very little to nothing with this child and you were giving them the oppertunity to do ANY activity together.
No a child will not be scared by not carvign a pumpking.....but will if they NEVER do family activities.
Mrs. CC 06:32 AM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by :
OP am I right that this family does very little to nothing with this child and you were giving them the oppertunity to do ANY activity together.
To be honest I have been struggling with this thought lately. I see dynamics and relationships/lack there of in the families I serve. I don't always like them but I haven't settled on what I feel my place is.OP am I right that this family does very little to nothing with this child and you were giving them the oppertunity to do ANY activity together.
I too have sent things home just to be disappointed to find them in the bag obviously not touched. I too have been disheartened when my hopes for the parent/child relationship aren't realized. I will admit I have purposely sent things home to spur more of what I wish was happening.
Then I think it isn't my business and I go through phases of just focusing on what I can do with the kids while I have them.
I wish I had a firmed up belief in this arena. I am actually annoyed at myself for swinging one way or the other.
sharlan 07:44 AM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by MsMe:
My boyfriend also never carved a pumpkin in his childhood and is not scared for life
BUT
he family did lots of other activities with with him....
OP am I right that this family does very little to nothing with this child and you were giving them the oppertunity to do ANY activity together.
No a child will not be scared by not carvign a pumpking.....but will if they NEVER do family activities.
You got it. This is a very young, single father. I "think" the only things they do together are watch violent movies and play violent video games. IMHO, this is a child that has way too many caretakers in his life and not many are really into the task.My boyfriend also never carved a pumpkin in his childhood and is not scared for life
BUT
he family did lots of other activities with with him....
OP am I right that this family does very little to nothing with this child and you were giving them the oppertunity to do ANY activity together.
No a child will not be scared by not carvign a pumpking.....but will if they NEVER do family activities.
To be honest, it really has nothing to do with carving a pumpkin (I never did it as a child, either). It has to do with the fact that I let the child chose something fun to do and the father chose to do it for himself.
Ariana 09:25 AM 11-01-2011
Sharlan I think the point you're trying to make really has nothing to do with pumpkin carving but more about sharing of an activity between a child and his father right?! I completely understand where you are coming from and see this sort of thing a lot as well.
Parents of children often behave EXACTLY the same way they were treated as children. I come from a family of critics and control freaks so I was never allowed to carve my own pumpkin either! Now that I've educated myself I realise how ridiculous it is to try and control everything around you and have learned to relax...however for parents who have never done any work on themselves they carry on the legacy that was started for them by their own parents. It's a little sad. I see teachers doing it too. I can't tell you how many times I've seen childrens artwork and say to myself "there is no way a 4 year old did that"! :P
Parents of children often behave EXACTLY the same way they were treated as children. I come from a family of critics and control freaks so I was never allowed to carve my own pumpkin either! Now that I've educated myself I realise how ridiculous it is to try and control everything around you and have learned to relax...however for parents who have never done any work on themselves they carry on the legacy that was started for them by their own parents. It's a little sad. I see teachers doing it too. I can't tell you how many times I've seen childrens artwork and say to myself "there is no way a 4 year old did that"! :P
daycare 03:52 PM 11-01-2011
Sad for me to have to admit, but my own mother is like this.
Nothing was fun when we were growing up. We don't have halloween where I grew up so I did not ever carve a pumpkin until I came to the states as an Adult.
However, at christmas, we were allowed a tree, also not tradition with my culture, but she would have it mapped out. We had to listen to her directions where to put things. It had to look a certain way and we had to redo it if she did not like the look of it... She is a very controlling person and I think she always will be. Sad, but some parents just aren't cut out for the extras in life...I never held it against her, but I remember feeling scared to disappoint her.
Nothing was fun when we were growing up. We don't have halloween where I grew up so I did not ever carve a pumpkin until I came to the states as an Adult.
However, at christmas, we were allowed a tree, also not tradition with my culture, but she would have it mapped out. We had to listen to her directions where to put things. It had to look a certain way and we had to redo it if she did not like the look of it... She is a very controlling person and I think she always will be. Sad, but some parents just aren't cut out for the extras in life...I never held it against her, but I remember feeling scared to disappoint her.
sharlan 03:57 PM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
Sad for me to have to admit, but my own mother is like this.
Nothing was fun when we were growing up. We don't have halloween where I grew up so I did not ever carve a pumpkin until I came to the states as an Adult.
However, at christmas, we were allowed a tree, also not tradition with my culture, but she would have it mapped out. We had to listen to her directions where to put things. It had to look a certain way and we had to redo it if she did not like the look of it... She is a very controlling person and I think she always will be. Sad, but some parents just aren't cut out for the extras in life...I never held it against her, but I remember feeling scared to disappoint her.
You can't change her, but you can make sure that you don't do things the way she did.Sad for me to have to admit, but my own mother is like this.
Nothing was fun when we were growing up. We don't have halloween where I grew up so I did not ever carve a pumpkin until I came to the states as an Adult.
However, at christmas, we were allowed a tree, also not tradition with my culture, but she would have it mapped out. We had to listen to her directions where to put things. It had to look a certain way and we had to redo it if she did not like the look of it... She is a very controlling person and I think she always will be. Sad, but some parents just aren't cut out for the extras in life...I never held it against her, but I remember feeling scared to disappoint her.
daycare 04:10 PM 11-01-2011
oh yes you are so right... break the cycle... I let my kids make everything the way they think it should look...including their rooms..... Some of my friends will see my daughters room and ask what happened...lol
She took bags from her favorite stores and covered the walls..lol
But thats what she wanted....I personally don't like it, but I would never tell her that...
She took bags from her favorite stores and covered the walls..lol
But thats what she wanted....I personally don't like it, but I would never tell her that...
sharlan 04:19 PM 11-01-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
oh yes you are so right... break the cycle... I let my kids make everything the way they think it should look...including their rooms..... Some of my friends will see my daughters room and ask what happened...lol
She took bags from her favorite stores and covered the walls..lol
But thats what she wanted....I personally don't like it, but I would never tell her that...
As long as she keeps it neat and clean, her design is her's. My daughters painted their bedroom white w/ purple and black stripes.oh yes you are so right... break the cycle... I let my kids make everything the way they think it should look...including their rooms..... Some of my friends will see my daughters room and ask what happened...lol
She took bags from her favorite stores and covered the walls..lol
But thats what she wanted....I personally don't like it, but I would never tell her that...