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  #1  
Old 09-23-2013, 11:43 AM
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Default Not Expecting Responses Just Need To Have My Say

I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
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Old 09-23-2013, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a
dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
While I agree that there are many providers here who are 100% business only, there are also many who are in this business to provide care to families as a means of helping that family out or to make things smoother for those clients, like you said.

However, that is the beauty of this business....we can all run our daycares in the way that works best for us.

Often times I read vent posts about providers who list on Craig's List for pennies compared to what members here charge and I always try to remember that not everyone in in this profession for the same reasons.

Some are here because they are looking for a way to earn income while they raise their own children. When those children are in school, that provider plans to go back to their "regular" job.

Other providers are in this for the long haul....for many different reasons.

There are those that feel caring for kids is their life calling and something they were simply meant to do. Others do it because the business is good and there is money to be made.

Just as you are surprised at how providers do things differently than you do, I am sure there are many who would not agree with you.

NEITHER way is right or wrong. It's all about what is BEST for that individual provider.

I personally, am in this profession accidentally. I never meant to be a child care provider and would probably have listed this career as one most lest likely to be on my radar, but yet here I am.

Funny how life works like that.

So, yes! You ARE right!

You must be doing something right to have stayed in this profession successfully for so many years and although I am 100% business only, I am also must be doing something right because I too, have been in this business successfully for 20+ years and am still going strong.

The ONE thing about this board that I really and truly value is the diversity and differing perspectives it offers.
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:09 PM
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The ONE thing about this board that I really and truly value is the diversity and differing perspectives it offers.
I have come here many times wondering if I have been too strict, and maybe should have been a little more lenient with things such as stuffed animals, sick policies, etc. Other times, I've been a push over and need to stand firmer. I love the varied perspectives the members provide- it gives me more than just my opinion to reflect on, and sometimes gives me the backbone I have been lacking!
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:10 PM
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I think this is more about understanding how the world really is. The Internet allows opinions from differing communities and cultures. We can either learn from it or ignore it. We now live in a world were opposing viewpoints can both be right, because we say so and believe so. Stick with what you feel is right and listen to the world around you. It all seems to work out ok in the long run.

I'd rather see you here expressing your viewpoint then leaving even if it meant I disagreed with you.
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
I tell every family that I interview that this relationship is a partnership and we work together. Yes it is my house and my business but it is their child. I grow really close to my daycare families! I do what I can to help them and they do what they can to help me.
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:14 PM
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I'd rather see you here expressing your viewpoint then leaving even if it meant I disagreed with you.
This is so true! I always feel badly that members choose to leave or people choose not to join this board because they have differing viewpoints that others. But I won't change what I believe just so I can agree with someone else.

Some of the BEST teachers in the world don't share the same viewpoints.

I have learned THE MOST from those members who operate differently than I do.
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:27 PM
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This is so true! I always feel badly that members choose to leave or people choose not to join this board because they have differing viewpoints that others. But I won't change what I believe just so I can agree with someone else.

Some of the BEST teachers in the world don't share the same viewpoints.

I have learned THE MOST from those members who operate differently than I do.
Beautifully said
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:49 PM
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I give some families the benefit of the doubt. Others, no way. it's all a judgment call.

I know what you mean, though getting the others' veiwpoint has helped me (bit by hard-won bit!) firm up my backbone and my policies, which in turn allows me to bring the "family" back into it. It's an interesting balance

definitely share your views; mods are here to keep other people from being mean to you, and the board NEEDS more differing viewpoints It helps immensely to have differing views and ideas.
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Old 09-23-2013, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by mrsmichelle View Post
I have come here many times wondering if I have been too strict, and maybe should have been a little more lenient with things such as stuffed animals, sick policies, etc. Other times, I've been a push over and need to stand firmer. I love the varied perspectives the members provide- it gives me more than just my opinion to reflect on, and sometimes gives me the backbone I have been lacking!
Same here!
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Old 09-23-2013, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
I understand where you are coming from, and how it's easy to see that on this forum. However I see most of the 'business' posts/questions on this forum are generally when there are problems, if everything is going smoothly and you have a great relationship with the parents, why ask the question, or have to be firm. I guess I give the other providers the benefit of the doubt, and think that there is a lot of more personal interaction we don't see on here.
I also believe it's vital to include family in a partnership, but understand that somethings can't be compromised (licensing requirements, and some things that conflict with being able to care for the rest of the children). I see some of the 'strict' rules that providers have BECAUSE they want to help make sure the child has time with their family (including for themselves and their own children), and they know how important that relationship is.
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Old 09-23-2013, 01:24 PM
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When I first started with this site, I first felt like... WOW!! I am totally getting taken advantage of, I need to be stronger! <enter Eye of the Tiger theme song here!> And, I did make some necessary changes for those things that were really bothering me (ie... red lines) such as pushing my closing time into my family time. I learned there were red lines and yellow lines. When I push those 'yellow' lines (the things that aggravate me, but aren't necessarily that bad) I feel completely out of my element and it actually makes me feel WORSE than if I just let it be. Someone showing up to the door 4 mins late/early are just yellow lines to me. They stink, but really in the realm of life - I'm just not going to worry about it. It will all work out in the end. I would feel bad and it wouldn't make me a happy person to approach that situation. I had DCP's in situations where someone in their family was sick, and of course I wanted to help out and offered to work late nights. That didn't make me feel taken advantage of, I was helping someone and THAT made me feel good. I had to think it through, because helping them out did not mean they would reciprocate, say if I needed time off for some reason, unfortunately, they still were not as understanding of my predicament. This might have made someone else feel 'burned' and not offer again. I just saw it as unfortunate. I can only control how I feel. Of course, this is just MY opinion. This site has helped me with some 'red line' issues. I was able to then work out the best way to approach the situation. I don't get too burnt out of this business. Most of the ladies on here are pretty understanding of the diversity, I feel. =)
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Old 09-23-2013, 01:49 PM
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Yes I am one of those that is very business is business when it comes to my daycare but that is because my income from daycare helps to pay for my household. When it comes to anything that can effect the financial aspect of daycare I have to be firm because if I don't I'll lose money.

When it comes to everything else I am very flexible when I can be and I am always welcoming. It is hugely important to me that my clients and I have a good relationship.
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  #13  
Old 09-23-2013, 02:31 PM
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I don't see people jumping on others for being lenient on parents.

I see this forum as a huge wealth of information. And the great part about it.... Is that you can take from this forum what you want and leave the rest.


It's easy for people to come to a forum and automatically assume that everyone agrees with everyone and when someone speaks up, that its meant as a bash.

When someone comes here looking for advice, sometimes they expect everyone to agree with them. And when they don't, they assume the victim role and think everyone is against them.

Very few people here do things EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. and if so, that'd be a little boring.

I've found since I came here that I have some of the most lenient policies. But this business is still a business and I run it that way. You can run a successful business and still be lenient. But there's a fine line between lenient and walked all over and I think most of us look for that fine line.

I don't know a single other provider here that has policies like me or that runs hours and days like me.

For instance:::
I only take TWO holidays a year. They are paid though.
I do afternoon contracted care only and I serve two moms (5 kids) who are single moms who work as servers or waitresses. One works two jobs now and I originally only agreed when she had one job.
I am the only provider anywhere within at least 100 miles who will watch this child with a feeding tube, I put meds in her tube, I've even changed out her actual button (hey stuff happens and they do fly out sometimes lol). I even take this child to PT and doc appointments when her mom has to work because I don't want the child to miss these things and her mama is working two jobs.
My illness policies are the most lax one I've ever seen on this forum. Yet I have the least illness of any.
I watch kids 7 days a week, sometimes 20 hours a day, sometimes 30 days in a row. For more money? Nope. I do it because their mama has to work.

BUT... And it's a huge but....
All of my parents are required to follow my policies. I'm not a millionaire. This money pays some of my bills. I take my business SERIOUSLY.

If someone comes to a forum with a closed mind they gain nothing.

Life's about learning something new, every single day.

Last edited by Michael; 09-23-2013 at 02:35 PM.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
I think you should stick around longer. you say you are new and surprised by those that have a business only mentality but stick around, you will see a huge variety of ideas!

like I am normally business only but I have done PLENTY of extras for parents over the years. Taking kids on the weekends. Parents getting stuck in the weather and I have kept kids overnight or driven kids home. I definitely go the extra mile if I at all can but like others said, its a judgement call. if I have to make a decision, I do err on the business side because unfortunately, too many parents take advantage if you are too kind. That has been my experience. If yours is different and you havent had the issues I have had, that is WONDERFUL but that does not mean that other people are not free to voice their opinion or to run their business as they see fit.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
I know a few providers in real life who 'talk' like they are stricter than they actually are. When reality hits them in the face, they soften a little. However, I have one provider close friend and she rarely has a family stay more than a year because she can't bend....at all. Another actually said "I usually have a fight with them and they leave." AND she has been doing it for at least 15 years and is older. I don't get it myself.

Laurel
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:07 PM
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It's all a matter of balance for me. I used to let dcps walk all over me some 30+ years ago because I didn't know any better. Fast forward to now and I realize I can run my business any way I want to. I am very flexible with parents, very respectful and accommodating. However, they're also that way with me. As long as they pay on time and don't take advantage of me, then it's all good. But then I've been extremely lucky in that I've had some awesome parents over the past 10 years or more. And if they weren't that awesome, they didn't seem to last long.
A lot of the policies in my handbook are worded 'at my discretion', such as late fees, overtime. I have them in place just in case someone starts abusing my rules or my generosity.
So yes, I think we all run our businesses differently. As long as it satisfies our needs and works for us, then why worry if what you're doing appeals to other providers here? I've gotten lots of wonderful advice, great ideas, added a couple things to my handbook, all from here, but basically I still am running it the way I want to. Yay for being your own business woman!
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Old 09-23-2013, 06:51 PM
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Congratulations for having a successful daycare career for so long. I'm sure you have a lot of ideas and opinions that could help many of us on the forum.
I believe one of the beauties of running a home business is that there are multiple ways of doing things and we are free to do what works for us.
I have found that a mix of family relationship and business works well for me. Some parents want the family feel of being friendly with each other, and their child having a home away from home while at daycare. Other parents are looking for more structured business like relationships. I am willing to provide either and have different relationships with each family. I do have rules that I follow and expect them all to follow as this is the main source of income for my family.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Margarete View Post
I understand where you are coming from, and how it's easy to see that on this forum. However I see most of the 'business' posts/questions on this forum are generally when there are problems, if everything is going smoothly and you have a great relationship with the parents, why ask the question, or have to be firm. I guess I give the other providers the benefit of the doubt, and think that there is a lot of more personal interaction we don't see on here.
I also believe it's vital to include family in a partnership, but understand that somethings can't be compromised (licensing requirements, and some things that conflict with being able to care for the rest of the children). I see some of the 'strict' rules that providers have BECAUSE they want to help make sure the child has time with their family (including for themselves and their own children), and they know how important that relationship is.


Definitely stick around for awhile and continue to participate. It takes awhile to get to know the other personalities here but after awhile you realize that most everyone is really multi-faceted.

Personally I'm a bit of a mix between hard and soft. I tend to be easy going on quite a few of the things that drive others bonkers (bringing in food and toys, pacifiers & lovies come to mind) but am absolutely hard line on some things (showing up late and paying late - don't even try it ).
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:15 PM
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Definitely stick around for awhile and continue to participate. It takes awhile to get to know the other personalities here but after awhile you realize that most everyone is really multi-faceted.




I thought the same as OP at first. But you will never find people who understand your insecurities/irritations. It is almost like other DCP have an inherent understanding of what you are trying to say.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by mrsmichelle View Post
I have come here many times wondering if I have been too strict, and maybe should have been a little more lenient with things such as stuffed animals, sick policies, etc. Other times, I've been a push over and need to stand firmer. I love the varied perspectives the members provide- it gives me more than just my opinion to reflect on, and sometimes gives me the backbone I have been lacking!


I was a major pushover when I started and I never want to go back to that!
I don't feel I'm all business either... but the reality is that I do this as a job and yes I have to watch my financial benefit...I'm extremely flexible when it comes to helping families so long as I'm not taken for granted, and that is really all I can do
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Old 09-24-2013, 03:59 AM
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I have the best relationship with my families and we all go above and beyond for each other. It's the way it should be. I'm easy going when they have something they need to do and several of my long term moms help me out in a pinch. Especially when Hubs is deployed they all pitch in and will grab milk on their way if I need it
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Old 09-24-2013, 04:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
I don't know if anyone is jumping all over other providers. I do think some could learn the difference between backbone and ridiculous.

But I also understand how they get there. I recently had a situation come up where I realized parents were assuming they could pay me whenever - and more and more my paychecks were late. It all started out because I was being a nice, kind and understanding provider. So I recently sent out a reminder to my families when payment was due and that I would be enforcing the late fees. Do some of them think I'm being ridiculous? Or "all business?" Probably. But I count on my paychecks just like they count on theirs, and I need them when they are due.
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Old 09-24-2013, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSWonders View Post
I am fairly new to the forum. And I have been in the business for more than 24 years so I have to be doing something right. BUT, I am astonished at the way many of the providers here are all "business" and jump all over someone that might want to give a parent the benefit of the doubt now and again. That might want to try to help make things a little smoother for a parent that is overwhelmed. That sees it as part of their job to put the "family" back in to family day care. That sees the relationship between parent and provider as a partnership and not as a dictatorship. It seems I am seriously in the minority here.
That's how I run my daycare. I've said on here many times that I like it to be as if my nieces and nephews were coming over for the day. It's not rigid and structured. I DO have rules, don't get me wrong. The kids KNOW they don't get away with things. I INSIST on kindness - please / thank you, etc. They need to keep the noise down, and I encourage them to work out arguments with each other. And I take every opportunity to teach them things. It doesn't have to be a written or thought out lesson plan, I just take opportunities as they come up. And they come up ALL DAY LONG. You'd be surprised how much you can teach them just with daily life.

As far as making things easier on the parents... sure I do that when I can. If I can't, I say so. I won't be taken advantage of, but if it's something I don't mind doing, I'm willing to do it.

I have a boy (10) who goes to football practice 3 evenings a week and doesn't get home till after 7:00. So I give him a mini dinner at 4:30 before he goes, then mom gives him another mini dinner when he gets home. I have a girl today (9yrs) who didn't feel good. I called mom and said she could stay here in another room with books and barbies till Dad could come at 11:00. I drive the PM Kindergarteners to school (2 blocks) because our district took our busses away. Over the summer, I took some of them to/from VBS and basketball camp.

I understand that it's not the way everyone runs their program, and that's great! But it's the way I roll. I can't see myself doing it any other way...

There's TONS of stuff I read on here that I don't agree with. When I first joined, I used to debate it. But it's really not worth it. I take the good (yes, I've adopted some stuff I've read on here, for which I'm very greatful!) and roll my eyes at the ridiculous. C'est la vie.
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