Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-05-2014, 09:32 AM
ccare_erin's Avatar
ccare_erin ccare_erin is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8
Default When A Parent Tells You That They Are Your Boss

I need to write a letter for this family. I want to keep this nice and professional yet get my point across.
Long story short, this particular dcm has made reference a couple times that her husband feels they are my employer. I have let it roll off because I love their daughter and have had her for two years. And really, if they want to think that way so be it.
However, last night dcd picked up (an extremely rare occurence) and was late. Therefore I was running late to my appointment. I sent a text to dcm asking where dcd was and then also called dcd.
He showed up ten minutes late.
This morning dcm told me that dcd would never say it to me but he tells her that he is my employer and as his employee I have no right to 'bitch' about him being a few minutes late. (he works from home two miles away) And that if he is going to be late I need to deal with it because he is my boss and I have no right to tell him when he has to be here.
This I could have lived with. He is entitled to his opinion.
But then she told me he would be picking up more often because she has horse riding lessons and if he is late then I need to pack up her daughter and take her with me and my family and she would come pick her up when she could.
So basically, the plan is that he will be coming more often and will be late.
I don't like this smarmy little gross man and he gives me the heebie jeebies. The fact that he thinks he has power over me is even more disturbing. As is the fact she think i will take her daughter with me.
They leave for a 2 week cruise tomorrow so I need to set them straight today. They pay for 1 month in advance and I don't want the check until they understand the way things are going to be should they stay.
So here I am. I need to compose a letter that is professional but I wanted to look for advice before I start. Has anyone had to deal with a parent like this before?
TIA
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-05-2014, 09:38 AM
butterfly's Avatar
butterfly butterfly is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,630
Default

as his "employee" I would quit. Effective immediately!!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-05-2014, 09:48 AM
therov's Avatar
therov therov is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 48
Default

Here are three scenarios:

Dear family,

My client contract clearly stipulates that on-time pickup is required, or else you will incur a late fee of $xx. I am unable to extend my business hours, so if you require later pickup, please make alternate arrangements for your child's pickup with a family member or neighbor. Thank you.

Regards, me

****

If you don't have a late pickup/fee policy, institute one ASAP. Indicate that regular late pickups are cause for termination.

*****

Or just terminate the family. You don't have their respect and they've lost yours.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:14 AM
craftymissbeth's Avatar
craftymissbeth craftymissbeth is offline
Legally Unlicensed
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,367
Default

I would....

Take their one month in advance check, let them go on vacation, and give them their 2 week notice when they return.

Because as their employee I would feel that I really didn't owe them much at all. As their employee, I would take advantage of getting paid 2 weeks and not having their child.

And also because I'd love to tell them that as an employer they should know not to "bitch" when an employee screws them over and quits suddenly. Happens all the time to employers.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:16 AM
craftymissbeth's Avatar
craftymissbeth craftymissbeth is offline
Legally Unlicensed
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,367
Default

Also, dcm was WAY out of line for even bringing it up. I'm guessing she feels the exact same way as DCD and wants you to know it.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:18 AM
Laurel's Avatar
Laurel Laurel is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,148
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ccare_erin View Post
I need to write a letter for this family. I want to keep this nice and professional yet get my point across.
Long story short, this particular dcm has made reference a couple times that her husband feels they are my employer. I have let it roll off because I love their daughter and have had her for two years. And really, if they want to think that way so be it.
However, last night dcd picked up (an extremely rare occurence) and was late. Therefore I was running late to my appointment. I sent a text to dcm asking where dcd was and then also called dcd.
He showed up ten minutes late.
This morning dcm told me that dcd would never say it to me but he tells her that he is my employer and as his employee I have no right to 'bitch' about him being a few minutes late. (he works from home two miles away) And that if he is going to be late I need to deal with it because he is my boss and I have no right to tell him when he has to be here.
This I could have lived with. He is entitled to his opinion.
But then she told me he would be picking up more often because she has horse riding lessons and if he is late then I need to pack up her daughter and take her with me and my family and she would come pick her up when she could.
So basically, the plan is that he will be coming more often and will be late.
I don't like this smarmy little gross man and he gives me the heebie jeebies. The fact that he thinks he has power over me is even more disturbing. As is the fact she think i will take her daughter with me.
They leave for a 2 week cruise tomorrow so I need to set them straight today. They pay for 1 month in advance and I don't want the check until they understand the way things are going to be should they stay.
So here I am. I need to compose a letter that is professional but I wanted to look for advice before I start. Has anyone had to deal with a parent like this before?
TIA
Erin
I never termed in 20 years but I might have to for that kind of attitude. If however, you feel you can't and need the money or whatever, I'd have a talk, in person, with dad. I just would want him to know that I'm not afraid to face him. Yes, I would be very nervous but I'd have to do it. You can practice what you are going to say or write it out. I suppose this could be a letter too really but I think in person is more effective.

It would go something like this:

Hi Dad, I need to talk to you and this is serious. Your wife mentioned that you will be picking up late in the future. I make appointments or have activities after work as it is the only time I can go. I close in time to make these on time. I absolutely will not take your daughter with me if you are late. First, it is a liability for me concerning car insurance in case something would happen and second I don't want to do it. My time is my time the same as your time after your work is your time. So I wanted to be clear with you that I won't do it.

Second, I want you to understand something. I've heard that you consider me your employee. Let me assure you that I am not. I am operating a business that has rules like any other business. No different than a day care center. You can have any opinion about that that you'd like but it doesn't change the fact that I am not your employee. If you want care for your child from an employee you should check into getting a nanny to come to your home. She would be an employee.

The following will be what will happen should you be late in the future. (Here state your policy).

If he gets snotty, I'd probably just term. I wouldn't back down. I also might make a new late fee policy if it looks like he is just going to come late anyway. First time=very hefty fee, Second time=double the first time, Third time=terminate. I'd explain it and have them both sign it.

You don't have to put up with this. Good luck!

Laurel
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:28 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,543
Default

Sorry, they wouldn't have made it out the door without a reminder of my policies that THEY signed agreeing to. I am NOBODY's employee. I am SELF employed and provide a service.

"Sorry dcm, since dcd is wanting an employee he can boss around, you'll be nanny shopping. Effective immediately."

as I was bagging items. I don't put up with disrespect.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:28 AM
snbauser's Avatar
snbauser snbauser is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,385
Default

I agree with all the pp's. When I read the title of this post my immediate thought was "then I quit" as I was handing them their things. You need to set them straight or terminate.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:28 AM
Leigh's Avatar
Leigh Leigh is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 3,821
Default

I believe it is Blackcat that has a 3 strikes policy for being late, with increased fees each time they are late up to termination. I'd have a face to face with Dad and tell him something like this:

Your wife told me that you feel that being on time to pick up is not that important. Let me assure you that it IS important. Scheduling appointments immediately after daycare allows me to NOT have to close the daycare for the day to make an appointment during regular business hours. Having a parent show up late means that I can't make it to my doctor/banking/whatever appointments, and that is unacceptable to me. My business hours are clear: They are 7:30-5:30. Just as a department store won't stay late until you arrive, I also will not. I am implementing a new late policy to ensure that my business is able to run the way that I need it to (hand him the policy). Please sign and return it by Friday. If he mentions you taking his child with you to an appointment, just say No, I am not willing to do that.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:37 AM
Laurel's Avatar
Laurel Laurel is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,148
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth View Post
Also, dcm was WAY out of line for even bringing it up. I'm guessing she feels the exact same way as DCD and wants you to know it.
She absolutely does feel the same way or she wouldn't have brought it up. I totally agree. She was too chicken to say it herself so she used the old "husband is upset about this" line.

I had a dad do this about his ditzy wife all the time. "Oh well it's not me. The wife made the decision." On his last day, I kept my cool, but told him how I felt. I told him my honest thoughts (using "I" messages) about how I felt about what they had done to me. So then he starts the "Well my wife..." I cut him off and said "I don't want to hear that yet again. You know this is wrong and I don't appreciate you passing the buck." He dropped off.

THEN, when his wife came later for pick up, I told her how I felt too.

All very professional and I can tell you it felt sooooo good. Neither one left my house that day without knowing how I really felt.

Laurel
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:38 AM
lovemykidstoo's Avatar
lovemykidstoo lovemykidstoo is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: U.S.
Posts: 4,689
Default

If you can afford it, I would term now. You have a couple of things going wrong with this family. Being late and his attitude. Man, unbelievable. I allow 1 late pickup. Then I flat out say it is not going to be tolerated. If you can't be here on time, we're done. Period. I don't do late fees, because I just can't have anyone be late. I have 2 kids involved in alot of things. I don't want their money for late fees, I want them ontime. So, if they can't be on time, then hit the bricks.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:39 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,753
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ccare_erin View Post
I need to write a letter for this family. I want to keep this nice and professional yet get my point across.
Long story short, this particular dcm has made reference a couple times that her husband feels they are my employer. I have let it roll off because I love their daughter and have had her for two years. And really, if they want to think that way so be it.
However, last night dcd picked up (an extremely rare occurence) and was late. Therefore I was running late to my appointment. I sent a text to dcm asking where dcd was and then also called dcd.
He showed up ten minutes late.
This morning dcm told me that dcd would never say it to me but he tells her that he is my employer and as his employee I have no right to 'bitch' about him being a few minutes late. (he works from home two miles away) And that if he is going to be late I need to deal with it because he is my boss and I have no right to tell him when he has to be here.
This I could have lived with. He is entitled to his opinion.
But then she told me he would be picking up more often because she has horse riding lessons and if he is late then I need to pack up her daughter and take her with me and my family and she would come pick her up when she could.
So basically, the plan is that he will be coming more often and will be late.
I don't like this smarmy little gross man and he gives me the heebie jeebies. The fact that he thinks he has power over me is even more disturbing. As is the fact she think i will take her daughter with me.
They leave for a 2 week cruise tomorrow so I need to set them straight today. They pay for 1 month in advance and I don't want the check until they understand the way things are going to be should they stay.
So here I am. I need to compose a letter that is professional but I wanted to look for advice before I start. Has anyone had to deal with a parent like this before?
TIA
Erin
I would schedule a group conference in which I would lay the issue, point blank, on the table.

No more He said/She said. No more Waif Mom/Bully Dad play.

It has been my experience that women play this passive aggressive "my mean husband" card much to the shock of their enabling husbands who have spent hours listening to their wives rant about your perceived slights to her at home.....

Following your contract or being terminated is a really easy subject to explain after that.
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:49 AM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,311
Default

http://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-b...-me-parent.htm

The Boss Of Me Parent
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:50 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
I believe it is Blackcat that has a 3 strikes policy for being late, with increased fees each time they are late up to termination. .
Yes, I have a graduated fee scale for late pick ups.

My persona time is VERY valuable to me and I require my clients to be respectful of that. Once is understandable, twice is forgivable but three times is simply outright disrespect.




OP~ Consider looking into purchasing this book. It's written by a long time contributing member of this forum and has LOADS of great info about dealing with problematic daycare parents.

There is a complete chapter dedicated to managing parents that think thay are your boss.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dayc...=2940150427556
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 9781501035845_p0_v1_s114x166.jpg (6.7 KB, 319 views)
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-05-2014, 10:50 AM
Shell's Avatar
Shell Shell is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,743
Default

Wow , what a jerk! Both of them! Agree that dcm probably feels this way and is using dcd so she can say what she really means. I had a dcm that acted like this, but would never say it. If I could do it all over again, she would have been termed. Even when I got strict and firm with her, it was just a matter of time before she started acting up again. Some people are like this, and like to feel superior. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction- show them the door!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:08 AM
melilley's Avatar
melilley melilley is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,018
Default

I am mad for you! I'm a really nice person, but I think that would have sent me over the edge. I would have had to say something to dcm right then, she definitely feels the same. I know, easier said than done. I agree with other pp's. If you get paid for her even if she's not there, I would take her tuition and then give two weeks when they get back.
I'm sorry they are treating you like that.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:24 AM
NeedaVaca's Avatar
NeedaVaca NeedaVaca is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: The Middle
Posts: 2,248
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by melilley View Post
I am mad for you! I'm a really nice person, but I think that would have sent me over the edge. I would have had to say something to dcm right then, she definitely feels the same. I know, easier said than done. I agree with other pp's. If you get paid for her even if she's not there, I would take her tuition and then give two weeks when they get back.
I'm sorry they are treating you like that.
Yes to all the posters that said get the $ and give 2 weeks notice when they get back! Plus you can start advertising now for a spot available January and have it filled before the month is up!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:26 AM
AuntTami's Avatar
AuntTami AuntTami is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 888
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by melilley View Post
I am mad for you! I'm a really nice person, but I think that would have sent me over the edge. I would have had to say something to dcm right then, she definitely feels the same. I know, easier said than done. I agree with other pp's. If you get paid for her even if she's not there, I would take her tuition and then give two weeks when they get back.
I'm sorry they are treating you like that.
What in the actual heck!? As his "employee" I would quit effective immediately. There's no way that I would put up with that. You are not his employee. You do not work for him. You work for YOURSELF! And I would not allow him to think that way any longer. That's not acceptable. Stores don't stay open because we're running late. Neither do I. Tell him if he prefers, you can schedule your appointments during the day and then have to close for the entire day so he will have to find alternate arrangements for his daughter on those days then. Lol. I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. That's just not fair and like the previous posters, I'm mad and upset for you. I would term effectively immediately whether I could actually afford to or not. I don't work for anyone but myself(and my dogs. They're nice enough to let us live in THEIR house after all LOL)
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:33 AM
rosieteddy's Avatar
rosieteddy rosieteddy is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,273
Default

If you are paid for that vacation take the check,cash it and send a 2 week notice . You have earned it.If it is not a paid vacation and you can fill the spot just start advertising then give notice when spot is full.At the very least I would put them straight about late pick ups and not being there employee.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:35 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,926
Default

I agree with all the others. I'd let them go on vaca, then give them their 2 weeks' notice when they return, during which time if they are late even once you need to seriously increase their late fees because you just know they'll abuse the rules.
I feel someone with that much lack of respect will never change. It's too bad they're such a long term family, you've probably gotten very attached to their little girl.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:37 AM
Rockgirl's Avatar
Rockgirl Rockgirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2,198
Default

Hmm....I wonder why he isn't providing all your daycare equipment and supplies if he's your employer? You might even ask him about health insurance! Seriously, though, I would not tolerate him another day.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:44 AM
melilley's Avatar
melilley melilley is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,018
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AuntTami View Post
I don't work for anyone but myself(and my dogs. They're nice enough to let us live in THEIR house after all LOL)
Lol, my dh always says "It's Tucker's world, you're just living in it". Tucker is our lab baby...lol

Last edited by Blackcat31; 12-05-2014 at 11:49 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:49 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

I actually address this line of thinking during the interview and in my handbook.

Its actually pretty common for parents to view you as an employee.
Doesn't make it right but it is still common thinking as anyone that pays for a service feels they can or should have some sort of control over those services and in a way they sort of do. The choices they have however are definitely not the same choices I feel they have but still every consumer has a choice.

The only control y clients have in regards to services is whether they choose to purchase those services I offer or not. That is the only choice they have.

Parents, however view the choices they have in much broader terms and feel they should be able to dictate hours, attendance, meals, napping and curriculum policies.

Since I "KNOW" a lot of prospective clients come to the interview with that train of thought, I make sure to address it clearly and thoroughly during the interview process. When BOTH parties (the parent and provider) fully understand what each party is bringing to the agreement, it definitely helps keep the relationship in working order.

The wording in my handbook says this:

"Please remember that I, as a child care provider, own my business and offer services for a fee. I am not an employee of any entity, company, licensing agency or client. I set my own guidelines, policies and decide which services to offer.

You, as the parent, must decide if the services I offer meet your needs."


~HTH
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-05-2014, 11:56 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth View Post
I would....

Take their one month in advance check, let them go on vacation, and give them their 2 week notice when they return.

Because as their employee I would feel that I really didn't owe them much at all. As their employee, I would take advantage of getting paid 2 weeks and not having their child. rda

And also because I'd love to tell them that as an employer they should know not to "bitch" when an employee screws them over and quits suddenly. Happens all the time to employers.
F@$&ing rights!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 12-05-2014, 12:00 PM
DaveA's Avatar
DaveA DaveA is offline
Daycare.com Member and Bladesmith
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4,204
Default

That would be the end of that family coming to my business. No way in H@LL is that going to fly.

I would be very blunt- "Since you don't seem to understand the concept of using my business's service, you can find care somewhere else immediately. I am no longer offering my service to you, effective immediately."
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 12-05-2014, 12:21 PM
Meeko's Avatar
Meeko Meeko is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 4,275
Default

This would be a term for me.

But I would have fun first. Smile big. Tell her that her husband needs to bring all the paperwork for you to sign. When she asks what paperwork, explain that as an employer, he is responsible for taking care of your taxes, Social Security, etc etc. and you will need proof at the end of the year showing all tax contributions he has made on your behalf.... etc.

When she looks shocked, wipe off the smile and say "Exactly. I am NOT your employee" and hand her the kid's stuff.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 12-05-2014, 12:32 PM
LysesKids's Avatar
LysesKids LysesKids is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 2,846
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I actually address this line of thinking during the interview and in my handbook.

Its actually pretty common for parents to view you as an employee.
Doesn't make it right but it is still common thinking as anyone that pays for a service feels they can or should have some sort of control over those services and in a way they sort of do. The choices they have however are definitely not the same choices I feel they have but still every consumer has a choice.

The only control y clients have in regards to services is whether they choose to purchase those services I offer or not. That is the only choice they have.

Parents, however view the choices they have in much broader terms and feel they should be able to dictate hours, attendance, meals, napping and curriculum policies.

Since I "KNOW" a lot of prospective clients come to the interview with that train of thought, I make sure to address it clearly and thoroughly during the interview process. When BOTH parties (the parent and provider) fully understand what each party is bringing to the agreement, it definitely helps keep the relationship in working order.

The wording in my handbook says this:

"Please remember that I, as a child care provider, own my business and offer services for a fee. I am not an employee of any entity, company, licensing agency or client. I set my own guidelines, policies and decide which services to offer.

You, as the parent, must decide if the services I offer meet your needs."


~HTH
My handbook states it this way...

I am a professional Child Care Provider ... I am also a small business.
I am not a Babysitter, your personal Nanny or your Employee and
as such I expect my clients to show respect for my home, myself and my family.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 12-05-2014, 12:36 PM
Shell's Avatar
Shell Shell is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,743
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
This would be a term for me.

But I would have fun first. Smile big. Tell her that her husband needs to bring all the paperwork for you to sign. When she asks what paperwork, explain that as an employer, he is responsible for taking care of your taxes, Social Security, etc etc. and you will need proof at the end of the year showing all tax contributions he has made on your behalf.... etc.

When she looks shocked, wipe off the smile and say "Exactly. I am NOT your employee" and hand her the kid's stuff.
This is fantastic!
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 12-05-2014, 01:45 PM
Wednesday!'s Avatar
Wednesday! Wednesday! is offline
Still Wednesday!
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 174
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth View Post
i would....

Take their one month in advance check, let them go on vacation, and give them their 2 week notice when they return.

Because as their employee i would feel that i really didn't owe them much at all. As their employee, i would take advantage of getting paid 2 weeks and not having their child.

And also because i'd love to tell them that as an employer they should know not to "bitch" when an employee screws them over and quits suddenly. Happens all the time to employers.
bahahaha!!
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 12-05-2014, 01:46 PM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 6,858
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
This would be a term for me.

But I would have fun first. Smile big. Tell her that her husband needs to bring all the paperwork for you to sign. When she asks what paperwork, explain that as an employer, he is responsible for taking care of your taxes, Social Security, etc etc. and you will need proof at the end of the year showing all tax contributions he has made on your behalf.... etc.

When she looks shocked, wipe off the smile and say "Exactly. I am NOT your employee" and hand her the kid's stuff.
That's what I was thinking, too. If he is her employer, he needs to withhold taxes, pay at least minimum wage, and provide the equipment and materials for her to do her job.

I wouldn't term. I'd just tell them THAT, followed by something like "now, I don't want to have this conversation again, so if we aren't all on the same page, I suggest you give me your two week's notice".
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 12-05-2014, 01:50 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Angry ugh!

I had an issue this morning with a parent telling me how it is and what is expectable in my daycare and what she expects I said nope I let her have it then she said do I need to find another daycare? I said if you think you need to she said well then here throws her 23 month old at me and slams my door almost knocking my decorations off! I wasn't on my game or I would have not let her leave her kid here. I can't believe she slammed my door and threw her kid on me. Not sure how to address this at pick up today. To top it off she didn't pay me this morning she better have a check at drop off. I'm so angry right now.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 12-05-2014, 01:54 PM
Wednesday!'s Avatar
Wednesday! Wednesday! is offline
Still Wednesday!
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 174
Default

Passive aggressive much? She's telling you HER feelings, as the other ladies have stated. Dad may not even feel this way. This is a common tactic to displace blame from themselves and still get their point across to you. Take that check and give them notice when they return from vacation.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 12-05-2014, 04:33 PM
Neekie's Avatar
Neekie Neekie is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wisconsin Northwoods
Posts: 220
Default

Well if he's your boss, then he needs to be paying half your taxes and social security and and he needs to provide you with medical insurance. And how about unemployment when he fires you because you refuse to work late.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 12-05-2014, 06:04 PM
TheGoodLife's Avatar
TheGoodLife TheGoodLife is offline
Home Daycare Provider
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,368
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
This would be a term for me.

But I would have fun first. Smile big. Tell her that her husband needs to bring all the paperwork for you to sign. When she asks what paperwork, explain that as an employer, he is responsible for taking care of your taxes, Social Security, etc etc. and you will need proof at the end of the year showing all tax contributions he has made on your behalf.... etc.

When she looks shocked, wipe off the smile and say "Exactly. I am NOT your employee" and hand her the kid's stuff.
LOVE this! I would be tempted to do one of the following (if you can afford to)

1: Be a complete "B" and give them their 2 week notice immediately... meaning it covers the time of their cruise and they would be w/o care as soon as they get back. Especially if it is a paid vacation for them- take those paid two weeks of their month's payment and then refund the remaining 2 weeks. (What'd I'd REALLY want to do!)

OR

2: Give notice the day they come back.

If their vacation is UNpaid, I'd term immediately! No way would I let them think they could even talk to me that way, whether or not it was supposedly being said by the person telling me! Immature, self-centered people for sure!
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 12-05-2014, 08:23 PM
LadyK8's Avatar
LadyK8 LadyK8 is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delaware
Posts: 183
Default

I'm sitting here with fake popcorn waiting for an update. The nerve.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 12-06-2014, 04:36 AM
ccare_erin's Avatar
ccare_erin ccare_erin is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8
Default Thank you!!!!!

Thank you for all the replies!!!!! As I was reading them at naptime yesterday she showed up unexpectedly and I was thrown completely off guard-grrrr!!!

Here is the thing. It would rip my heart out and my other daycare kids if dcg left. I have an extremely tight knit daycare and I can't imagine what it would be like without her. So I am trying to balance it out.

DCM came in practically crying about dcd being mad at her about money, charging up credit cards,etc... This is nothing new. She has complained non-stop about him since the interview two years ago. I know way too much about him and their personal/financial/sexual life.

So I listened and waited for her to stop talking so I could say something but she was still talking as she was out the door and going down my sidewalk with dcg.

So I sent a text and basically said I was sorry she was having a stressful day but she would need to talk to her husband at some point on vacation and let him know that I am strict with my pick up time and I have terminated care for late pick ups in the past. I don't want it to come to that so he is going to have to find a way to be here on time.

There was SO much more I wanted to say. But here is what really bothers me, so many of you pointed out that she is being passive agressive and it made me think about things she has said before under the umbrella of "dcd says.....". I think you all are right, she must think the same way.

So when she gets back I am going to approach it the same way. That she should really let her husband know he is entitled to his opinion but in all reality he is not my employer and I have the right to choose which people I do business with and I cannot do business with someone who feels they are my employer. That she needs to make sure he can accept that or we need to end our professional relationship.

These are the type of people who really don't appreciate what I do because they have never been anywhere else for care. In eight years I have never once closed for anything other than a holiday or scheduled vacation. I never even close early. My sister is my sub so I can make appointments and not disrupt anyone's schedule. All closings are scheduled at least one month in advance. I take four weeks of vacation each year (two paid and two unpaid) and this family complains every time I am closed even though they know about it well in advance. I provide exceptional loving care to their daughter, have an awesome preschool program, take these kids on tons of field trips and am underpriced for this area. We live in a fairly upscale suburb. I do this job because I love it. My husband makes enough money that I don't have to work. I could easily let this family go and not care financially. I do this job because I love it and consider myself lucky to have such an amazing profession! So when people like this feel they have a right to tell me how I should do my job it really, really makes me mad. They have no idea how good they have it.

I would LOVE to let them go so the parents can get a strong dose of reality. Trust me, I was tempted to give a 2 week notice and refund all of their money so they couldn't come back but honestly, the mom scares me. She is crazy, evil and vindictive. She paralized her husband's dog while he was at work so he would be forced to put it down when he got home. And told me about it. C-R-A-Z-Y. She has tried so hard to be my best friend to the point that I got 79 texts in less than four hours one day, CRAZY. Ugh...the stories I could tell about this nut job. I don't put anything past her so I have kept them way longer than I would have.

Again, thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it so much!!! And I plan to read through them all again before she returns in two weeks so I am armed and ready.

Although as I sit here writing this I am getting upset again and am so tempted to send a 2 week notice........
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 12-06-2014, 04:44 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,926
Default

Um ok, you know all this stuff that dcm has been telling you and yet you still want to keep them? I truly don't think dcd's employer attitude is the only issue you're dealing with here. Just from what you've told us here, this woman is a tad crazy! Even though you'd miss their dd(who I feel deeply sorry for having parents like that!!)there will be other children that you and your dcks will become attached to.

There is absolutely no way I would keep any dcp who uses me as their personal therapist or treats me like their employee, no matter how much I love their child.

I'm sure Nannyde or BC can offer you guidance as far as protecting yourself and your business if you term but wow, you do need to rid yourself(and your dc) of this toxic family asap. Call your local resource agency or licensing and ask for suggestions too.

Never keep a dcf out of fear. They'll keep you right where they want you.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 12-06-2014, 06:59 AM
Heidi's Avatar
Heidi Heidi is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 6,858
Default

OP-

Please PM one of the mods and have your name removed from your posts, plus switch out your picture for an avatar of some sort. You really don't want anyone you know accidentally coming across this thread.

MODs..you can remove this post once that's done, if you want.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 12-06-2014, 07:51 AM
MOM OF 4 LOGGED OUT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Definitely, OP, remove name and avatar pic to protect yourself.

Also, she did WHAT to the dog? You have GOT to get rid of her! This will only be worse for you later if you don't, more dangerous, possibly as well. There is something very wrong with a woman who acts crazy like that.

I would call licensing BEFORE giving notice, let hem know you're having issues with this family and really are scared of them, that they may retaliate against you if you let them go, but it's got to be done.

Document everything here forward: Date/Time/Conversation summary/any and all bruises or injuries or illnesses that happen and any actions taken (called mom? Gave meds?)

I would collect the check for that vacation and then give them notice. I would let them know that you're giving them notice because they have blatantly violated your house rules of being respectful in your home, and that it's been more than one time.

One of a couple things will happen:
1. They will not say anything and just find someone else
2. They'll B you out and retaliate, just be prepared
3. They'll beg you to keep their kid and apologize and grovel (and bide their time to be rude to you in the future).

Don't give in out of fear. Doing that lets people like THEM feel even more entitled than they already feel. It's time they're shown that life does NOT revolve around THEM. I know you love the kid, we all love most of our daycare kids, however, sometimes, it's best for EVERYONE if you let them go. I've let go kids I loved so much, because of their rotten parents. And kept kids I didn't care for as much, for great paying, respectful parents, because I know that if their parents are decent, then eventually, that really trickles to the child. Likewise, if the parents are like yours (entitled) that will eventually trickle to the child as well. Best of luck, please protect YOU and yours first and just be very prepared.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 12-06-2014, 08:34 AM
ccare_erin's Avatar
ccare_erin ccare_erin is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8
Default

Thanks ladies. Removed and removed
I didn't even think that anyone would know who I am
I shouldn't have shared what little I shared. There is a lot more. It's the kind of stuff you listen to and you think 'Does anyone REALLY live like this?" lol Everyone else here is professional, mature, and 'normal' as far as I can tell. Thank goodness.
I did call licensing once before because dcm was unemployed for a while, showing up late consistently, and I realized she was drunk one day. I called licensing before I gave her the 'shape up or ship out' notice.
She has since found a sponsor and held a job consistently. Still, the stories and the badgering to hang out outside of work are a bit much.
When she gets back we are having a talk
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 12-06-2014, 10:37 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default If a parent tells me they are my boss

I'd say sorry this is not burger king you can not have it your way! 😄 I offer a service you either want my services or you don't period!
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 12-08-2014, 03:35 PM
LadyK8's Avatar
LadyK8 LadyK8 is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Delaware
Posts: 183
Default

Any updates?
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 12-09-2014, 07:55 AM
ccare_erin's Avatar
ccare_erin ccare_erin is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8
Default

Not yet. They won't be back until next weekend and then I am closed the week of Xmas so I won't see then until the end of the month.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 12-09-2014, 11:28 AM
KIDZRMYBIZ's Avatar
KIDZRMYBIZ KIDZRMYBIZ is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 669
Default

Wow, as I read through that story, it got way more complicated than just a jerk dcd. I guess the best thing you can say about them as clients (besides their great kid you love), is that it will NEVER be boring!

I think in your shoes, I would probably respond the same way you are. Not so much "afraid" of the crazy dcm, but more concerned about not wanting to have a general confrontation with such odd people.

I've had just 3 previous clients that treated me as their ungrateful employee, and I just tried to set the record straight by reiterating my policies and unfailingly enforcing them every. Single. Time. Did it eventually squeeze them out? You betcha, and that way more than fine with me. At least then they left on their own terms, and didn't really have a right to be angry with me, only disappointed that they couldn't bully me into bending my policies just for them. They were smart enough to know if they bad-mouthed me, they would end up sounding like horses' asses.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 12-09-2014, 11:36 AM
renodeb's Avatar
renodeb renodeb is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 837
Default

Dad may deny it if you approach him about something he told his wife. I think I would have to term with that kind of attitude. Your supposed to pack up the child and take her with you and they will p/u when they can? Unacceptable!
Dear Parents,
This letter is to serve as a notice that I can not extend my business hours out any later at closing. Please pick your child up on time or arrange a ride for them. Failure to pick up on time will result in immediate termination. You are right KIDSRMYBIZ. if you keep sticking to your rules eventually they will probably leave on there own. Just make sure and document what happens incase things go side ways!
JMO!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bossy parents, parents - disrespect, parents - don't cooperate

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Need Pick Up Tips daymommy Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 21 02-26-2016 12:23 PM
Parent Questioning Every Policy Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 19 06-19-2013 09:46 PM
Tom-Question From Another Thread Country Kids Daycare and Taxes 5 04-26-2013 11:29 AM
Temination Due To Transportation W/Out Permission kelliott Parents and Guardians Forum 183 04-26-2013 10:34 AM
Drop Off Problem... Dsquared Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 15 02-11-2011 11:52 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:23 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming