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  #1  
Old 02-07-2015, 10:57 AM
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Default DCM Made Me Feel Inadequate

Tuesday night (AFTER daycare hours) I was deep frying for my family and over heated the oil. This resulted in smoking up the house and my daycare area. Then stupid me poured it down the sink which over flooded my sink in the kitchen and the daycare bathroom. I decided to close (for the first time ever in many years) due to the wet floor in the daycare room and having to clean up smoke residue. I cannot stress enough the children were NOT here and there was NO fire. However, no one was upset because I did give everyone a credit on their account. I had this infant that I have had for 5 months...plus I held the spot for 4 months without payment. THe mom dropped off yesterdday and said that the father was going to pick up at noon. She was not as friendly as before and when the dad came he did not talk but grabbed the baby and ran out the door. Well, I have been doing this long enough to realize they were not coming back. I sent an email asking her. So she writes me back saying she was looking for alternate care and had two providers she was looking into. That the baby would not be back Monday but after they decide who to take the baby then they would let me know if he will be returning. Well, that really made me mad. You CANNOT decide to try to find care and if none is found bring him back...heck no!

Her reason was that they were not informed on what happened in depth. I did inform her three different times on what happened and that it was after daycare hours and that we never cook like that during daycare hours. She then claimed that he came home with "dingy" clothes and a dark smudge on one of his socks. How can that be? I aired the whole house out for 24 hours plus I washed everything! I washed the ceiling walls floors toys blakets Etc...I am an over doing person so I did go over board washing. No other parent had an issue and said they have done the same thing.

I feel that if he did have a dirty smudge on his sock then I am sorrry for that and have NO idea how that could happen because I cleaned everything plus he is 5 months and is never on the floor!

So now, by her email I feel like she is saying I am an aweful person over this. I made a mistake, I am not perfect! I am sure I am not the only person to over heat oil! The point is I NEVER do any deep frying during daycare hours and what I do after hours when your kids are not here is NONE of your business.

Further more, I noticed she unfriended the daycare from her friends list on facebook. I have to say my feelings is hurt because I was good to her son and her. I never charged her a late fee for paying late, I have had to buy the formula and diaper and wipes when she "forgotten" to buy some. I made special handprint and finger print crafts for her and her husbands bday and holidays. And now, I feel she is saying I am a bad provider...I know i should never let anyone determine how I feel but I am really hurt over this...

What does everyone think?
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:09 AM
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I think you may have problems with her down the road if she stays . If she is making a big deal out of this and saying you never told her what happened in enough detail ( even though you did) and maybe lying about the smudge/dirt you can but she will have other issues .

I would let her leave or term them .
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:09 AM
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I think she is completely out of line and that there is no way that DCM would set foot in my home again.
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:11 AM
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I did not beg her to stay and I let her by with the two week notice. I sent her an email and told her that her son was very well taken care of and just three weeks ago she wrote me a wonderful ref. letter so I did not see an issuue. I then told her in a nice way he cannot return. I said please let me know a time and day you would like to come and pick up his things. Then I said I wish you and your family the best.

That was it...
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:12 AM
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thank you!!!
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I think she is completely out of line and that there is no way that DCM would set foot in my home again.
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:28 AM
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1st time mom? I would have pulled my baby too. I would have looked at it like you were irresponsible and used poor judgment. Then again, I was 20 years old, and thought I knew it all. Nearly 17 years later I laugh at myself and feel sorry for people that had to deal with me
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:35 AM
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good for you.. I am sooooo sick of parents blaming DC for everything that happens to their child.

I am getting ready to term a family and one of their complaints is that the childs socks are dirty. we don't wear shoes in the house. BUT every freaking morning this child walks to my front door with daddy in her SOCKS. But it's my house that is dirty, not the sidewalk.

Once I smell that things are bad and I think that it's only going to get worse, I let them go. I have only had this happen a few times. I learned the hard way by keeping a family that was HOORRRRIBBBLLLEEE to me for 3 years. Never ever ever ever again.

Just tell them that you feel you guys are not a good fit, write up all of the items that you are returning to the family and make them sign off on them. Make sure that you have EVERYTHING. I had a family come back and haunt me over a missing sock. I finally told them you are harassing me and have every bit of documentation to prove it. Do not contact me again or I will be forced to file harassment charges against you. Never heard back after that.


stand tall and know that you are doing a great job!!
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Old 02-07-2015, 11:55 AM
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Seriously? Her complaint is a SMUDGE on his sock?? Wow if every parent termed because their kids socks got a bit dirty I would go out of business! My floors are clean, we do not wear shoes in the house, but still the bottom of their socks do not stay pristine.

A 5 month old here WOULD be on the floor.
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Old 02-07-2015, 12:43 PM
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Originally Posted by angelw2babies View Post
1st time mom? I would have pulled my baby too. I would have looked at it like you were irresponsible and used poor judgment. Then again, I was 20 years old, and thought I knew it all. Nearly 17 years later I laugh at myself and feel sorry for people that had to deal with me
How is that poor judgement and irresponsible? It's incredibly EASY to overheat oil and cause it to smoke.

OP stated there was no fire, indicating she remedied the issue as soon as she noticed it. Sure, she dumped it down the sink which isn't a great idea for the reason she mentioned. But, in the moment with hot, smoking, stinky oil in your hand, all you can think about is getting rid of it somewhere that isn't going to melt(ie: the garbage) so sometimes silly things get done. I've dropped food into the hot oil on accident before and literally reached into the oil to grab the food wouldn't even thinking about how hot it was! 2nd degree burns on my fingers after that and that's after many years working in a kitchen. Stupid stuff happens

Personally, I don't see the issue, what so ever. But I've worked in restaurants so I don't freak out about over heated oil/smoking oil. I obviously clean up any mess, and air out the house but that's it. It's not like you caught the stove on fire!

Honestly I think mom is WAY over reacting and you made the right choice in letting her go. You'd just end up with more problems.
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Old 02-07-2015, 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted by AuntTami View Post
How is that poor judgement and irresponsible? It's incredibly EASY to overheat oil and cause it to smoke.
That was my point. I had no experience with overheating oil, or any cooking really, and would have assumed that she must have walked away from it or something. I'm saying that I was 100% wrong, but sometimes people see things differently, especially when they are young, and 1st time parents.
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Old 02-07-2015, 02:14 PM
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Is this the same family that didn't like you smoking cigarettes in the house?
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Old 02-07-2015, 03:41 PM
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PLEASE don't let her make you feel inadequate! That was ridiculous over-reaction on her part! And good for you for not letting them stay!
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Old 02-07-2015, 04:31 PM
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I agree DCM way over reacted. I also wonder why, if it was after daycare hours you told her what happened. I would have just let them know that there was an issue which made it impossible to open the next day. IT IS your home, your personal time, and really non of their business what happens when their child is not in care.
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Old 02-07-2015, 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted by angelw2babies View Post
That was my point. I had no experience with overheating oil, or any cooking really, and would have assumed that she must have walked away from it or something. I'm saying that I was 100% wrong, but sometimes people see things differently, especially when they are young, and 1st time parents.
Got it! Thanks! I misunderstood
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:21 PM
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yes first time mom in her late 30's

However, its one of those parents who turns their nose up at other kids and no one is good enough to play with their baby...you know the type?

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Originally Posted by angelw2babies View Post
1st time mom? I would have pulled my baby too. I would have looked at it like you were irresponsible and used poor judgment. Then again, I was 20 years old, and thought I knew it all. Nearly 17 years later I laugh at myself and feel sorry for people that had to deal with me
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:25 PM
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PLEASE don't let her make you feel inadequate! That was ridiculous over-reaction on her part! And good for you for not letting them stay!
thank you for the support...I know I am a good provider and it was very silly of me to do such a thing...but I took really good care of her baby! She gave wonderful references. Of course, my assistant mentioned that the mom starting change towards us when her baby would cry when she came to pick him up and he saw here. I think she is right that the mom got a little jealous because I had so many videos of him laughing an smiling and she coul not get him to smile at her. And of course she got upset because he would eat his cereal for me and she could not get him to eat. Well, I am a lot older and I have taught a lot of babies to eat....Honestly I think it was a combination of things...
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:27 PM
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I agree DCM way over reacted. I also wonder why, if it was after daycare hours you told her what happened. I would have just let them know that there was an issue which made it impossible to open the next day. IT IS your home, your personal time, and really non of their business what happens when their child is not in care.
Yes, I should have said that I was unable to open due to a personal reason. Next time I will not be as honest. Really, I should not have to share everything that happens in myy personal life to them anyways.
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by AuntTami View Post
How is that poor judgement and irresponsible? It's incredibly EASY to overheat oil and cause it to smoke.

OP stated there was no fire, indicating she remedied the issue as soon as she noticed it. Sure, she dumped it down the sink which isn't a great idea for the reason she mentioned. But, in the moment with hot, smoking, stinky oil in your hand, all you can think about is getting rid of it somewhere that isn't going to melt(ie: the garbage) so sometimes silly things get done. I've dropped food into the hot oil on accident before and literally reached into the oil to grab the food wouldn't even thinking about how hot it was! 2nd degree burns on my fingers after that and that's after many years working in a kitchen. Stupid stuff happens

Personally, I don't see the issue, what so ever. But I've worked in restaurants so I don't freak out about over heated oil/smoking oil. I obviously clean up any mess, and air out the house but that's it. It's not like you caught the stove on fire!

Honestly I think mom is WAY over reacting and you made the right choice in letting her go. You'd just end up with more problems.
It happens to a lot of people and I do have the common sense not to cook like that during daycare hours. There was NO fire at all just a really greasy water mess. I am just really depressed over it and feel like I did something bad over her reacting the way she did...
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:31 PM
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Seriously? Her complaint is a SMUDGE on his sock?? Wow if every parent termed because their kids socks got a bit dirty I would go out of business! My floors are clean, we do not wear shoes in the house, but still the bottom of their socks do not stay pristine.

A 5 month old here WOULD be on the floor.
I think I should explain the floor thing..I have older kids and I do not want him to get hurt so he has all kinds of equipments and such so he can get tummy time and such. He does not crawl at this time so he was never on the bare floor. What is odd is that I have some kids that refuse to keep their shoes on and their white socks was not dirty at all that day. So, I am confused where she thought he had a black smudge on his sock. Maybe she should have taken a picture and sent it to me...
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:32 PM
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I think she is completely out of line and that there is no way that DCM would set foot in my home again.
THANK YOU! That is how I feel and I will stick by it.
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Old 02-07-2015, 05:37 PM
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good for you.. I am sooooo sick of parents blaming DC for everything that happens to their child.

I am getting ready to term a family and one of their complaints is that the childs socks are dirty. we don't wear shoes in the house. BUT every freaking morning this child walks to my front door with daddy in her SOCKS. But it's my house that is dirty, not the sidewalk.

Once I smell that things are bad and I think that it's only going to get worse, I let them go. I have only had this happen a few times. I learned the hard way by keeping a family that was HOORRRRIBBBLLLEEE to me for 3 years. Never ever ever ever again.

Just tell them that you feel you guys are not a good fit, write up all of the items that you are returning to the family and make them sign off on them. Make sure that you have EVERYTHING. I had a family come back and haunt me over a missing sock. I finally told them you are harassing me and have every bit of documentation to prove it. Do not contact me again or I will be forced to file harassment charges against you. Never heard back after that.


stand tall and know that you are doing a great job!!
I too have parents who bring their kids with just socks on and no shoes. Of course, the parents never say anything about their socks being dirty. I have a hardwood floor in the daycare room and I do clean it three times a day. I clean it before they come, during nap, and after they leave. It is a really large room and hard to take care of! I have to clean it so much or they would come home dirty. I feel that if a parent brings their children without shoes and let them walk outside then it is their fault their socks are dirty. I think some things that happen in daycare is silly! My first daycare I never even blinked an eye at silly issues and had no problem dismissing. Six years later I am older and having a really hard time standing up for myself and having the guts to say NO.
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Old 02-07-2015, 06:39 PM
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Yes, I should have said that I was unable to open due to a personal reason. Next time I will not be as honest. Really, I should not have to share everything that happens in myy personal life to them anyways.
After I reread my post, I was hoping it wouldn't be taken the wrong way. But you got exactly what I meant, you don't have to share. With experience I have learned to only share what is needed!
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:48 PM
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When I read your initial post, I thought the dcm was either grossly overreacting or she was just looking for any little excuse to leave your day care. Then you posted about her maybe feeling a little jealous and I thought, "Bingo!" She really is looking for any little excuse to leave. If it's not a little smudge on his socks, it'll be some other minor complaint. I think telling her she couldn't return was a smart decision on your part.

Last edited by e.j.; 02-08-2015 at 11:35 AM. Reason: Typo: Smug should be smudge! The parent might have been smug but the sock was smudged! lol
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Old 02-07-2015, 09:48 PM
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Just take that as her notice and advertise for the spot (if you need to), and don't take her back even if they come back begging (as you pointed out you already frequently broke your rules).

You don't need that kind of negativity or that disrespect in your business (or your life in general). The best thing is to cut your losses and avoid putting anymore time or energy in a client that doesn't trust you.

ETA: Sorry didn't see the update
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Old 02-08-2015, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by angelw2babies View Post
1st time mom? I would have pulled my baby too. I would have looked at it like you were irresponsible and used poor judgment. Then again, I was 20 years old, and thought I knew it all. Nearly 17 years later I laugh at myself and feel sorry for people that had to deal with me
TOTALLY agree with this ^^^

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When I read your initial post, I thought the dcm was either grossly overreacting or she was just looking for any little excuse to leave your day care. Then you posted about her maybe feeling a little jealous and I thought, "Bingo!" She really is looking for any little excuse to leave. If it's not a little smug on his socks, it'll be some other minor complaint. I think telling her she couldn't return was a smart decision on your part.
The whole time I was reading, I was thinking "She is just looking for something....so she can leave" too!

I think that is closer to the truth behind her actions and it has nothing to do with the closure or a smudged sock



OP.... You will meet more parents like this one over the course of this career. You get better at recognizing them so don't let this one make you feel inadequate.

It's her issues not yours that resulted in this and it's probably for the better anyways. She'd have continued nitpicking anyways...

Consider yourself lucky and not at all inadequate.
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Old 02-08-2015, 03:31 PM
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I think she is completely out of line and that there is no way that DCM would set foot in my home again.
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Old 02-08-2015, 09:01 PM
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OP.... You will meet more parents like this one over the course of this career. You get better at recognizing them so don't let this one make you feel inadequate.

It's her issues not yours that resulted in this and it's probably for the better anyways. She'd have continued nitpicking anyways...
Ugh! Just needed to say....I despise dealing with dcp's like this, but BC is right. Unfortunately it takes having to deal with them in the first place to recognize them later on.
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Old 02-09-2015, 06:52 AM
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My honest opinion is good riddance. If she is going to get so bent out of shape over something that happened in your home when no children were there, what would she get upset about later? Would she get upset when little cupcake starts walking and bumps his head? Yes, she is out of line, but better to find out sooner rather than later. I am sorry she made you feel so bad, but remember this is more about HER than you.
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Old 02-09-2015, 07:15 AM
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I think that sometimes high-maintenance dcps like to pull their child from one place to another because it makes them feel like better parents, who are in control of the situation. Even if the next place is inferior, they still feel better because the perception of "for the good of the child" reflects on them; not the actual child or the daycare provider. (Of course I'm not talking about legitimate circumstances...)

When you have more distance between this event, I hope that instead of feeling inadequate, you laugh really hard. I mean, really?!!!! "Okay, here's the plan...you're not going to say a word to her because she burned her oil..." "Don't forget the smudge..." Last summer, on the weekend, my dh warped a couple pieces of our outdoor siding, when it was 94 degrees, and he was using the grill. This is why I'm unregistered. We're in the witness protection program.
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Old 02-09-2015, 07:21 AM
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I think that sometimes high-maintenance dcps like to pull their child from one place to another because it makes them feel like better parents, who are in control of the situation. Even if the next place is inferior, they still feel better because the perception of "for the good of the child" reflects on them; not the actual child or the daycare provider. (Of course I'm not talking about legitimate circumstances...)

When you have more distance between this event, I hope that instead of feeling inadequate, you laugh really hard. I mean, really?!!!! "Okay, here's the plan...you're not going to say a word to her because she burned her oil..." "Don't forget the smudge..." Last summer, on the weekend, my dh warped a couple pieces of our outdoor siding, when it was 94 degrees, and he was using the grill. This is why I'm unregistered. We're in the witness protection program.
My husband did that a few years ago. None of my daycare parents even noticed it but I came unglued lol.
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Old 02-09-2015, 09:08 AM
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I totally agree with others that posted... Don't let this individual make you feel inadequate! It sounds like dcm was looking for a reason to pull her child out.
Some people are simply not a good fit and it has NOTHING to do with the care you are providing!
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Old 02-09-2015, 09:55 AM
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For whatever reason she was looking for a reason to pull the child. Sometimes dcmoms who want to be SAHM come up with ridiculous reasons that the dc is not working out to validate that they need to stay home. I agree that SHE has an issue, not you.
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Old 02-09-2015, 11:23 AM
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I think I should explain the floor thing..I have older kids and I do not want him to get hurt so he has all kinds of equipments and such so he can get tummy time and such. He does not crawl at this time so he was never on the bare floor. What is odd is that I have some kids that refuse to keep their shoes on and their white socks was not dirty at all that day. So, I am confused where she thought he had a black smudge on his sock. Maybe she should have taken a picture and sent it to me...
No need to explain, blue skies- we all do things different. 😄
For the record, you didn't want her judgmental behind anyway. If at 5 months, a smudged sock and "dingy" socks aren't happening, something is wrong. Kids. Play. Period.
Kids have the greatest jobs on earth. To explore and discover this great big beautiful world. It's a messy, smelly, dirty job. But it's how they learn.
Take a deep breath and move past her. :-)
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Old 02-09-2015, 11:30 AM
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Glad she is gone... she is more trouble than she's worth. Count your blessings!
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Old 02-10-2015, 07:32 AM
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I want to thank everyone for the wonderful support...Honestly, I was starting to get depressed over the whole situation but today I realize I am only human and I am worth more then that. I put a lot into my daycare...yes I make mistakes but dont we all

As my little 12 year old daughter said....No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them...I have a smart little girl

As wisely put by a 12 year old, I will not allow someone to make me feel less worthy then what I am...

Thank you all for the support!!!
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  #36  
Old 02-10-2015, 09:42 AM
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I thought of you last night as I was frying some eggplant and catching fire to the stove top. Good times.
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Old 02-10-2015, 12:39 PM
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I thought of you last night as I was frying some eggplant and catching fire to the stove top. Good times.
I was thinking of this thread over the weekend when I was cooking a roast in the oven. The direction in the cookbook said to roast it for and hour at 250 degrees and then for 15 minutes at 500 degrees. Thought it looked odd - I've never even seen a recipe calling for a 500 degree oven - but did it anyway. Within 5 minutes of cooking at 500, my smoke alarms were going off and my kitchen was all smokey! All I could think was, "Well thank goodness I don't have kids coming until Monday. Wouldn't want any smudged socks!"
(The roast was delicious, btw but I'm not sure I'll ever cook it that way again!)
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:25 PM
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I was thinking of this thread over the weekend when I was cooking a roast in the oven. The direction in the cookbook said to roast it for and hour at 250 degrees and then for 15 minutes at 500 degrees. Thought it looked odd - I've never even seen a recipe calling for a 500 degree oven - but did it anyway. Within 5 minutes of cooking at 500, my smoke alarms were going off and my kitchen was all smokey! All I could think was, "Well thank goodness I don't have kids coming until Monday. Wouldn't want any smudged socks!"(The roast was delicious, btw but I'm not sure I'll ever cook it that way again!)
......too funny!
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Old 02-11-2015, 05:48 AM
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Then she will find a new provider and baby will get a smudge on both socks! and, oh no...the sky is falling, the sky is falling!

You are better off if she leaves, but I know it can be hard when these things happen.
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Old 02-11-2015, 10:37 AM
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It is so hard not to take this job personally, but it sounds like ti is best for her to move on. I personally would be worried if my kids came home clean and spotless, versus messy or dirty from an active day.
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Old 02-11-2015, 04:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e.j. View Post
I was thinking of this thread over the weekend when I was cooking a roast in the oven. The direction in the cookbook said to roast it for and hour at 250 degrees and then for 15 minutes at 500 degrees. Thought it looked odd - I've never even seen a recipe calling for a 500 degree oven - but did it anyway. Within 5 minutes of cooking at 500, my smoke alarms were going off and my kitchen was all smokey! All I could think was, "Well thank goodness I don't have kids coming until Monday. Wouldn't want any smudged socks!"
(The roast was delicious, btw but I'm not sure I'll ever cook it that way again!)
Oh boy I needed the laugh. And in my house you can count on smudged socks we have lived here nine years but the landlord is not even gonna think about giving me new carpet.
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Old 02-12-2015, 04:49 AM
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I thought of you last night as I was frying some eggplant and catching fire to the stove top. Good times.
Unbelievable!!! You mean to tell me that there are more women besides me who overheat something??? WOW! LOL
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Old 02-12-2015, 04:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e.j. View Post
I was thinking of this thread over the weekend when I was cooking a roast in the oven. The direction in the cookbook said to roast it for and hour at 250 degrees and then for 15 minutes at 500 degrees. Thought it looked odd - I've never even seen a recipe calling for a 500 degree oven - but did it anyway. Within 5 minutes of cooking at 500, my smoke alarms were going off and my kitchen was all smokey! All I could think was, "Well thank goodness I don't have kids coming until Monday. Wouldn't want any smudged socks!"
(The roast was delicious, btw but I'm not sure I'll ever cook it that way again!)
Now wouldnt that be something if the same thing happened to you? Any smudged socks?
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Old 02-12-2015, 04:53 AM
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Well, here is the update...

She never responded to coming and getting his things so they are sitting on my desk waiting till she decides to come get them. I assume that she thinks my dayycare is too "dirty" to use the three diapers and half container of formula. I have not heard anything at all from them...which is fine

I do know where they went and all I can say is good luck to her...they will NOT be there long I am sure... regardless they will never come back here. I have replaced them and honestly, it is sooo much easier without an infant. (even though I loved him)
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:09 AM
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Old 02-12-2015, 03:20 PM
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Now wouldnt that be something if the same thing happened to you? Any smudged socks?
That would be funny! No smudged socks for me this time but none of my current dc parents would be anywhere near as anal as your dcm. I'm glad to hear you replaced her so soon. It'll be interesting to see how longs she stays with her new provider.
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Old 02-12-2015, 06:38 PM
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I am taking bets..... Who thinks that when these parents experience another daycare they will come crawling back to the op?
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Old 02-12-2015, 06:53 PM
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I am taking bets..... Who thinks that when these parents experience another daycare they will come crawling back to the op?
Probably, but the OP will be full with a never ending waiting list.
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