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  #1  
Old 08-02-2013, 09:22 AM
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Default Almost 5 Yr Old Not Potty Trained Still!

I've posted about this dkb before. In the beginning I was willing to work with him, and I did. Every method possible. He will be 5 in two weeks and still NOT potty trained AT ALL.

I understand some kids train late, mine even did. But my oldest is 3 1/2 and will do the wiggle dance and tell me he needs a potty break. This kid will stand and pee his pants wherever he is. He won't tell me, he won't try to hold it. He is in training cotton underwear which he will soak everytime.

We have 3 sets of clothing for accidents, which he goes through nearly everyday. I have potty break times, but he doesn't hold it to make to them. DCM won't tell me if he had a lot to drink in the morning so sometimes 1/2 hour into his day here, he wets himself and won't tell me (although it is very clear to see). He will even lie about peeing his pants.

But when he admits to it, he gets excited and happy like it was good.

Finally I couldn't take chasing after him while he pees and poops without progress, so I put him in a pullup diaper starting yesterday. I can't take it anymore, mentally. I haven't told mom this because she is convinced that him being in cotton trainies is helping (lol, NO its not).

I've watched him for over 6 months now, and zilch progress. I will be terming but here is another issue. With his birthday approaching, dcm invited my sons to attend. I was thinking of terming beginning of fall and just saying there is a change of age ratios I'm keeping at the daycare and must let some go. Would you term right away (before the party, maybe make an excuse to not go ?)and be honest or term later and be honest/stretch the truth ( I will be changing the ages I accept in the fall so its not a lie really).

I'm just so frustrated, dcb either doesn't understand at all, or something else. But I'm exhausted with it mentally. And with all the peeing/pooping keeping this place sanitary is exhausting (he's not the only one potty training).
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  #2  
Old 08-02-2013, 09:36 AM
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I WOULD tell Mom he will remain in pull-ups at your house. If she wants him in undies, she needs to do that on her own time. It is not your responsibility to train a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up that mess day in and day out. Put it on Mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he is pull-ups at home, for her convenience and she expects YOU to deal with it.

This child MUST be evaluated by a medical professional. This is NOT normal and I suspect there is either an underlying medical issue OR Mom is being really lax with him.

I would tell her he has to have a medical eval before he can return.
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  #3  
Old 08-02-2013, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
I WOULD tell Mom he will remain in pull-ups at your house. If she wants him in undies, she needs to do that on her own time. It is not your responsibility to train a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up that mess day in and day out. Put it on Mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he is pull-ups at home, for her convenience and she expects YOU to deal with it.

This child MUST be evaluated by a medical professional. This is NOT normal and I suspect there is either an underlying medical issue OR Mom is being really lax with him.

I would tell her he has to have a medical eval before he can return.
This Not making ANY progress at 5 years is not normal. I've never even heard of that. I wouldn't deal with it at all. Whats going to happen when he goes to Kindergarten? How embarrassing. Its going to start causing him self esteem issues in school. I'm shocked mom is so lax about it.

I would start training him the way you would a 2-3 year old. Ask him every 30 minutes to sit on the potty. EVERY 30 MINUTES. Not just at potty times. Because he clearly doesn't have that control. Get one of those little froggy toddler training pottys and make him sit on that in the corner of the room. I would NOT wait for him to pee or poop on my floor. And even with him sitting on the potty every 30 minutes I would STILL keep him in a pull up until he is accident free AT LEAST a week.

I also agrees he needs to see a doctor and get this checked out. Other than complete negligent parenting there has to be something going on.
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  #4  
Old 08-02-2013, 09:51 AM
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Personally, I would be honest with DCM and tell her what you just said. REQUIRE her to have him evaluated by a Dr. If Dr clears as no medical/mental issues set up a plan of action w/ mom. My plan would be:

DCB will be asked if he needs to go potty every hour

DCB will be required to "try" every 2 hours

DCB will change pullup himself and wipe himself down when wet, and will be told matter of factly that he is wet and that pee goes in the potty.

If DCB pees in toilet he will get LOTS of praise, high fives, special potty dance (we get the other kids involved too - everyone is excited when a potty trainer makes it to the potty dry!)

For sanitary reasons he will be in pullups/diapers at all times at DC until he is completely dry for 2 full weeks at DC.

I would write into the plan that if there is not good progress w/i 2 weeks that contract will be terminated. (I would explain verbally that DCB must be potty trained by K and if it cannot be accomplished here that it is not a good fit for his last year before K)

If he does end up having a medical/mental problem that is interfering w/ potty training I would REQUIRE DCM to get a diagnosis and course of action from the Dr. If I was able to accommodate the plan I would let dcm know we will follow it to a T and if there is no progress in 1 month then I will have to term as this must not be the right fit for DCB. If I was not able to accommodate the plan I would term w/ 2 week notice as I am not able to meet the needs to the child (if the plan doesnt include pullups until accident free, or that I must hold child on potty every 30 min, something like that)

Just my 2 cents!
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  #5  
Old 08-02-2013, 10:19 AM
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I have had this child.....I did not change him at all. at 5 unless there is a medical issue he knows exactly what he is doing, has all of the skills to do change himself.

When I had this situation, I told the parents it is no longer appropriate for anyone to be touching your child down there, kid is 5.

I demanded that the child be seen by a doc and could not return without diagnosis. They refused to get it for me, so I termed.

the other reason that I termed was because the parents told me the child didn't need to go to the doctors, that the child suffered from genetic laziness. I almost pee my pants in laughter when they told me this..................and I am not joking, they really told me this as their excuse.....
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  #6  
Old 08-02-2013, 10:58 AM
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the other reason that I termed was because the parents told me the child didn't need to go to the doctors, that the child suffered from genetic laziness. I almost pee my pants in laughter when they told me this..................and I am not joking, they really told me this as their excuse.....
LOL,:-D

I can hear this dcm saying that. Dcb has done a genetics test done but from what I hear they don't test for everything, just common things.

in exhausted from trying for so long. He has a "test" for preschool which I know require all kids to be potty trained. Is it wrong I hope she lies to them so I don't have to term?:-) in all reality, I've tried every method I could find, and nothing has stuck. Dcb's last daycare termed them for the SAME issue, no progress. Dcm blamed it on pull-ups and that "they were mean to him" so he didn't want to train.

Well, he loves it here but guess what, still no progress!
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  #7  
Old 08-02-2013, 11:33 AM
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This is actually a very common outcome of pushing a child too soon and/or too hard to train.

It's exactly why I outline in my policies that I refuse to "train" children who show no signs of readiness and will term if parents do anything but the same at home.


I'd have medical issues ruled out but otherwise put him back in diapers and not even utter a word about using the bathroom for a solid six months to hopefully inspire a reset in his head about the process.


No shame in terming if you can't or unwilling to do that.
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Old 08-02-2013, 11:36 AM
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This is actually a very common outcome of pushing a child too soon and/or too hard to train.

It's exactly why I outline in my policies that I refuse to "train" children who show no signs of readiness and will term if parents do anything but the same at home.


I'd have medical issues ruled out but otherwise put him back in diapers (I do NOT play the pullup game) and not even utter a word about using the bathroom for a solid six months to hopefully inspire a reset in his head about the process.


No shame in terming if you can't or are unwilling to do that.
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  #9  
Old 08-02-2013, 11:40 AM
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If they aren't trained by 4, I require a medical diagnosis or developmental evaluation.

My autistic son was trained at 5. I just cannot imagine a parent finding this acceptable.
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  #10  
Old 08-02-2013, 11:41 AM
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I would not take a 5 year old that was not potty trained. to be honest, I wouldnt take an untrained 4 year old either UNLESS they were in pullups and able to clean up after themselves. I dont allow the kids to be in undies until they are accident free for two weeks. I then require for naps only until again, they do two solid weeks of remaining dry thru naps. I really dont have time to figure out other peoples problems. i would insist on pull ups only. I would suggest mom get him evaluated but I wouldnt require it. as long as a kid cleans up after themselves, I really am too tired and too busy to care why they are or are not training. again, not my problem. put all this back on mom, immediately.
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  #11  
Old 08-02-2013, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lefse&Kids View Post
I've posted about this dkb before. In the beginning I was willing to work with him, and I did. Every method possible. He will be 5 in two weeks and still NOT potty trained AT ALL.

I understand some kids train late, mine even did. But my oldest is 3 1/2 and will do the wiggle dance and tell me he needs a potty break. This kid will stand and pee his pants wherever he is. He won't tell me, he won't try to hold it. He is in training cotton underwear which he will soak everytime.

We have 3 sets of clothing for accidents, which he goes through nearly everyday. I have potty break times, but he doesn't hold it to make to them. DCM won't tell me if he had a lot to drink in the morning so sometimes 1/2 hour into his day here, he wets himself and won't tell me (although it is very clear to see). He will even lie about peeing his pants.

But when he admits to it, he gets excited and happy like it was good.

Finally I couldn't take chasing after him while he pees and poops without progress, so I put him in a pullup diaper starting yesterday. I can't take it anymore, mentally. I haven't told mom this because she is convinced that him being in cotton trainies is helping (lol, NO its not).

I've watched him for over 6 months now, and zilch progress. I will be terming but here is another issue. With his birthday approaching, dcm invited my sons to attend. I was thinking of terming beginning of fall and just saying there is a change of age ratios I'm keeping at the daycare and must let some go. Would you term right away (before the party, maybe make an excuse to not go ?)and be honest or term later and be honest/stretch the truth ( I will be changing the ages I accept in the fall so its not a lie really).

I'm just so frustrated, dcb either doesn't understand at all, or something else. But I'm exhausted with it mentally. And with all the peeing/pooping keeping this place sanitary is exhausting (he's not the only one potty training).
Please print off this article and give it to Mom: http://mobile.slate.com/articles/lif...m.facebook.com

She needs to have him checked out by a Doctor. That is not normal.
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  #12  
Old 08-02-2013, 12:45 PM
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What a great article! I think I may mention to her. Thanks
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  #13  
Old 08-02-2013, 12:50 PM
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What a great article! I think I may mention to her. Thanks
I linked to it recently on my business Facebook page. Several parents are going to have their children looked at (one is 4.5, one is 3.5, and one is 4.25).
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  #14  
Old 08-02-2013, 12:58 PM
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I read this a couple months back and finally had it with my 6yo son wetting his bed almost every night for the past 3 months or so. Each week it was getting worse more wetting from the previous week.
I brought him in against my moms opinion and it turned out to be constipation. He was always a dry baby/kid at night and all of a sudden it was just getting out of hand.
When I took him in they tested his urine for uti and diabetes. But it turned out in te physical that the dr could feel all of the backed upness in my sons intestines.
He has been on miralax for 2 months now and the bed wetting stopped. There have been a couple accidents here and there but I take the blame on those. Forgetting a dose and eating/drinking too late before bed.

My son finally feels better about himself not wetting the bed.
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Old 08-04-2013, 02:08 PM
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I have never herd of this. Either he is being lazy or has a medical problem. Either way i would term since DCM doesn't seem to be worried. No one wants to be picking up on a 5 year old to change him. I'm still in shock that DCM doesn't think there is something wrong with this. What is she going to do when he goes to school in a couple of weeks.
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Old 08-04-2013, 02:54 PM
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I had a similar dcb. I don't think his parents were trying at home. Just putting him in pullups and then wanting me to tackle the issue. I finally had enough because neither him or his brother (age 3) were potty trained and having at least three accidents a piece each day. I sent home a letter requiring them both to be in pull ups daily and that I would still regularly take them to potty but will no longer let them wear undies until they can have at least three days with dry pullups and no poop accidents. It was mentally and physically exhausting. The older boy would pee his pants 20 mins after a potty break. The poop accidents were just a big ol mess that I was no longer going to deal with...for my sanity and for hygienic issues. I had them for another 4 months with no progress. They ended up moving out of town a few months ago and I wonder if they are still trying to halfheartedly potty train them.....
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Old 08-04-2013, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
I WOULD tell Mom he will remain in pull-ups at your house. If she wants him in undies, she needs to do that on her own time. It is not your responsibility to train a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up that mess day in and day out. Put it on Mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he is pull-ups at home, for her convenience and she expects YOU to deal with it.

This child MUST be evaluated by a medical professional. This is NOT normal and I suspect there is either an underlying medical issue OR Mom is being really lax with him.

I would tell her he has to have a medical eval before he can return.
I agree with Crystal on telling the mom to do a medical evaluation.

Side note: I had a 5yo dcb that was not PT. I tried my best. Even his 2yo SISTER was PT.

Let's say the things he did during my trying to get him PT was HORRIBLE! One day this FIVE year old who HAD to have known this was NOT ok, smeared poop everywhere while in the bathroom! It was even in his HAIR. Now, I did not usually follow the kids in bathroom. If they were doing #2 I'd ask if they needed help. He said "No" and I started smelling poop which tipped me off something was wrong. I had a permission slip to spank children from their parents (I wouldn't do the same things now, this was years and years ago) and while I never had to use this before, I definitely used it that day and spanked him, stuffed him in the shower fully clothed and made HIM clean HIMSELF and the floor (I just bleached it all up after but he realized this was NOT ok). He thought this was FUNNY until HE had to clean it up. This kid, nothing was wrong with him. Mom babied him and did not want him to PT for whatever reason, though she was MUCH harsher on the 2yo and made the 2yo very independent. With her son, she even clothed him and put his shoes on and jacket while the 2yo had to do it by herself! I told mom either she PT him over a weekend or he had to go. I could NOT have that crap (literally) happen again! Disgusting and I never took a child again that didn't have some sort of medical documentation of why he wasn't PT after 3 yo.
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Old 08-04-2013, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Candy View Post
I have never herd of this. Either he is being lazy or has a medical problem. Either way i would term since DCM doesn't seem to be worried. No one wants to be picking up on a 5 year old to change him. I'm still in shock that DCM doesn't think there is something wrong with this. What is she going to do when he goes to school in a couple of weeks.
Schools around here will allow children to attend in diapers or pull-ups. However, when they potty in them the child is sent to the nurse and the parent has to come change them.
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Old 08-04-2013, 08:52 PM
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I would never put up with that! That kid would be cleaning himself up and the floor as well!

If he does not have a medical issue then there is a H~U~G~E parenting problem!
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  #20  
Old 01-07-2016, 08:08 PM
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I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period. Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.
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Old 01-07-2016, 08:23 PM
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Originally Posted by CoachingForQualityImprovement View Post
I WOULD tell Mom he will remain in pull-ups at your house. If she wants him in undies, she needs to do that on her own time. It is not your responsibility to train a 5 year old. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning up that mess day in and day out. Put it on Mom. I wouldn't be surprised if he is pull-ups at home, for her convenience and she expects YOU to deal with it.

This child MUST be evaluated by a medical professional. This is NOT normal and I suspect there is either an underlying medical issue OR Mom is being really lax with him.



I would tell her he has to have a medical eval before he can return.
... my step son was abused and had issues which I understood, but even in a special kindergarten class they required pull ups.
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Old 01-08-2016, 07:47 AM
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I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period. Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.
This is an old thread.

The child OP was writing about was 5 years old. I have NEVER had a child not trained at that age without a serious developmental disability. Your child wouldn't even be admitted to my program if he wasn't fully trained at that age.

It is not my job to clean up urine/feces from walls, floors, and seating areas because a non trained child comes without proper protection. It IS a safety and sanitary issue for every other child in group care.

IMHO- if a child is trained, they are trained regardless of what they are wearing.
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Old 01-08-2016, 09:59 AM
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I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period.
No, no, no, nope.
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)
In school/daycare? Are you kidding me???!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.
Wow.

The majority of people on this website are Childcare Center or In-Home providers who own their own business. Just like any business, they have rules and regulations to follow, which means YOU as the parent need to be aware of what those rules are and follow them as well.

Some rules and regulations are state mandated and some are owner created. When signing their contract, you are agreeing to all these policies.
You are paying for a service. You can choose to stop using that service, just like you can with swimming lessons, karate, gymnastics, etc. But to suggest that this provider will get "fired" for not bending to the parents wishes is ludicrous.

YOU are not their employer. YOU are their customer. Yes, communication is important when it comes to a healthy working relationship. But as an in-home or center customer, you are essentially buying a particular service not an a-la-carte service. You don't get to change the terms of the service to fit your wishes.

IMHO, how you approach potty training at home really has no bearing on what can and should happen at daycare.
Most providers require a pull up to protect the environment. Even most cloth training UNDERWEAR (not diapers) won't protect the environment from frequent accidents.

So bottom line, if it's important to you to find a provider whose SERVICE includes no pull ups, then that's YOUR responsibility to look for that type of service. It's not the provider who needs to change their policies or "be fired".
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  #24  
Old 01-08-2016, 10:25 AM
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I would talk to the parents first. Find out what they are doing at home verses what you are doing at school. If this was my child, he would have been already taken to the doctor. Just be prepared to be fired if you say he has to be in pullups. Some kids have to learn in cloth pants period. Might do him some good to run around naked get used to being dry and then apply the pants. (worked on mine had a similar issue, got him used to dry then added the clothes now he hates wet.)

My issue is I have a kid I feel I can say safely potty trained at home in underwear but at school he refuses to poop on the potty and they have put him back in diapers and given up. They If they put him in cloth he would get the hint faster, since they refuse based on claims they can't which I do not believe) He regressed at school and is now going to the toilet but not quite getting his pants and diaper off to do it. I am in the process of waiting to get him back into his old school because part of the problem is the program anyhow the all or nothing approach. The only way he gets it is cloth that loosely fits. Which the new school will allow in training pant style. I think if the parents are willing to clean up the cloth cooperate or loose a job. Mind you mine has never pooped on the potty wearing a diaper. When he does it he is completely dressed in underwear alone, naked, absolutely no diapers. He likes his privacy too.

So the basic message is if you refuse to work with the parents and terminate them, they may turn around and terminate you as well for your antics. That is what I am doing with mine as soon as his school opens up a new spot for him.
Terminate for my antics?

Oh Lawdy.

You can come up with any special special combination of the potty training stars aligning that work for your snowflake to get him to go on the potty. It doesn't matter to us what works best or what you think works.

Here's what works...

Two weeks accident free before child is in underwear and he must say he has to go potty BEFORE he has to go. If he has any "accidents" the two weeks start over... he goes back in diapers.

You have nothing to say about what my policy is other than you pay for the slot or you don't. As long as you give me my contracted notice and pay up my accrued vacation before you move on to browner pastures... I don't give a flip of what your kid needs to be successful.

At my house we do what protects my belongings and time. Your kid is just one kid who came along with a mon who had her own plan for what went on his bottom before he was trained.

Nuttin new there.

Next..... and believe me NEXT will have the same boundaries and rules.
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  #25  
Old 02-18-2021, 10:23 PM
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Exclamation Sexually abused

I am VERY surprised nobody has brought up the fact that this boy could very well be being sexually abused!
I know this is very old but I hope anyone who reads this thread has that in their minds. Many children who have accidents a lot, or aren't potty trained by an older age do so because they are being touched and can't tell their parents, so they regress. I am sorry but a few replies were simply rude and NOBODY seemed to even think about this! I would be more inclined to call cps than just kick him out of class!
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  #26  
Old 02-19-2021, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I am VERY surprised nobody has brought up the fact that this boy could very well be being sexually abused!
I know this is very old but I hope anyone who reads this thread has that in their minds. Many children who have accidents a lot, or aren't potty trained by an older age do so because they are being touched and can't tell their parents, so they regress. I am sorry but a few replies were simply rude and NOBODY seemed to even think about this! I would be more inclined to call cps than just kick him out of class!
This is why several of the responses say that they require a MEDICAL diagnoses

And you're right. This is an old thread. That little boy is a teenager now.
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