So my 3yo dcb shows up at 7:30AM yesterday as scheduled. Mom seems all worried and says he is not feeling well. His brother had a cold last week so I say maybe he has the same cold. She seems more worried though and says that dad is trying to get off work early and will be here before lunch. These kids are always here when they have a cold so I'm wondering what the big deal is. Anyway, dcb seems okay, whiny and stuffy, but ok. Dad shows up just after 10AM to pick him up, seeming equally worried. I sense that I am not getting the whole story obviously, but let it go since dad came to get them early and has today off so he is not here today.

Anyway on FB today I am checking in and see our mutual friend, a neighbor, comments that she is home sick today with her dd. DCD (not my FB friend) comments on this mutual friend's page that he is home sick with DCB today too. So being nosy I click on DCDs page and he does not have a private account so I can see his comments. He commented at 9:00 am yesterday that he is worried because DCB had a 103* fever this morning!... Well DCB was at MY HOUSE at 9:00 AM yesterday. So obviously they tylenoled him up, sent him to my house, hoping I wouldn't notice a fever until they could get there to pick him up. GRR!

Would you say anything? I probably won't seeing as how I found out, but grrr that just makes me upset.

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I would send out a group newsletter reminding people about your illness policy. Highlight the section regarding fevers. That should be enough...


3KidsMom

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Oh my goodness - I would be so angry! I probably wouldn't say anything either (because it feels like snooping - even though I've totally done it too!). Maybe now is a good time to send home a "reminder" letter of the illness policy now that it's cold and flu season! I hope this family gets the point! Good luck!

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they must have been desperate, but at least they came to pick him up quickly instead of hoping you wouldn't notice and letting you call.

i wouldn't say anything mainly because if you do, they will make the FB page private and then you won't be able to find out things that are going to drive you nuts anymore

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There are only a select few dcp's I am friends with on facebook. Mostly because I don't want most of them to know MY business, lol.

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I would say something. They basically lied to you and put other children at risk of getting sick, and in addition put OTHER parents at risk of having to miss work when their kid gets sick because they brought a sick kid to daycare, masking a fever. They picked up early so the tylenol did not have time to wear off. They played you and if you don't say something, they WILL do it again. Personally I'd be mad as hell and would not hesitate to say so. WHY do they get to make the decision to put OTHER children at risk without any consequences????

If his FB is not private, that's his fault and he shouldn't post this type of info. I HATE facebook. I cannot beleive the amount of trouble grown adults get into out of being stupid enough to post stuff on fb without regard for who may be reading it.

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The thing is that being mad as hell with them and confronting them isn't going to buy you them not doing it tomorrow. They are just going to be more slick about it.

Catching them on the dope and drop or the tyelenol/advil disguise only happens ONCE and it's almost ALWAYS that Dad that blows the gig. You get one shot at it and then their "mistake" never happens again.

So confronting them doesn't net good behavior in the future... just better lies of omission or outright deception. It's not a confrontation I would be willing to have unless I was willing to terminate. It won't make a fig bit of difference in the future.

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That is one thing I WOULD terminate over...and it is in my policies/contract. I will not tolerate a parent putting other children and families at risk of illness intentionally. So, yes, I would confront them.

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I would never give out the "secret weapon" of checking up on them on FB, but I would mention that it was weird how they did come so quickly and ask them if everything is okay at home. They might have been in a bind and it probably won't happen again since they did take care of it. The last thing they need to find out is that you've "checked them out" on FB and they will lose trust in you. Your plan might back fire on you if you confront them this time. They might even feel guilty for bring the child to you for a few hours too, you never know. I would send out a "reminder" or post something on the parent board and just talk to each parent briefly stating that some children have been sick lately (even if it's just the one) and this alone might make the parents feel worse, lol. If anything, just give out a reminder and tell them you hope so-and-so is feeling better and express your sympathy.

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They should feel guilty for bringing their ill child to daycare. I would hope they do! They didn't "Take care of it" IMO even if they picked the child up early, it still was not right to bring a child who had a 103 temp to daycare.

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I would be tempted to call them next week sometime to come pick up their fever-ridden child (who does not have a fever ) just as payback. Well I really wouldn't do that but I'd be tempted!

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Bottom line-
If you are willing to term over it then you should confront them, without concern for how you will be thought of afterwards. YOU are not the deceptive one in this situation.
If you wouldn't term over it, then do not approach it, just be on the lookout for evidence of it happening again.

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When they pick them up early it isn't because they are doing right by the kid. It's to protect the next day of day care. If they leave the child there long enough the medicine will wear off. If the kid gets a fever in your care they can't come the next day.

They are better off to dope the kid in the morning and do the early pick up and then dope them again the next day in the morning.

No matter what it buys them half days of day care instead of no days.

Very very common.

When parents come early on kids who are acting sick but don't have exclusionary symptoms there is a VERY high liklihood that they have masked the illness and are making sure they get the kid picked up before the fever comes back so they can still bring the kid the next day.

Another trick is to come get the kid for "lunch" or an "appointment" before nap and then want to bring them back. When you have this with a kid that doesn't look right to you there is a REALLY good chance they are going to dose them up and bring them back.

Another trick is when they are bringing premade bottles and they tell you the SPECIFIC bottle they want at the nap time. Buyer beware it's not spiked with fever reducing meds.

When parents are masking fevers with meds they pretty much all do the same thing and have the same non verbal behavior. They believe they are the first ones to ever think of it. They don't think it's ever been done to you before... specially not hundreds of times before. What they don't realize is that any seasoned provider has seen that behavior before SO many times and that they are doing the same exact things the parents that came before them did.

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this just happen to me this week with the stomach virus a mom dropped off on Monday and said her daugther was sick over the weekend but fine Monday nite. Well then the mom and dad both got sick Tuesday and Weds. and the mom made a comment that they didn't go near her I wanted to say well at 18 months did she change her own diaper. Well guess who gets sick last nite yes you guessed it me. So tonite when I had plans to go to a moms nite out I'm took sick to go gotta love this job sometimes

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i guess i'm too sympthetic, but if a parent brought their child and came to pick them up after a couple of hours - i would think that they DO care about their child not feeling well, and must have been in a really desperate spot.

if it meant mom or dad losing their job or me keeping a sedated suzy for a couple of hours until they can work out leaving with the boss - i'd rather keep her. i'm sure if they could've just stayed at home they would've rather done that instead of getting dck ready, dropping her off, going to work, getting out of work, and picking her back up.

that was one of the benefits of not being licensed. i told parents if their child had a fever (assuming they weren't puking and in need of medical attention) that i could keep them. i told them if i was keeping a child who wasn't feeling well and their own child wasn't ill - i would keep the ill child separated, but i would do the same thing FOR them when the time came. they loved it.

i know it's different if you're licensed and you can't keep children with a fever, but in this case, the child didn't have a fever during the time they were in care, and the parents picked up after a couple of hours.

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I'm sympathetic also but not when it means their child could possibly make my own or others in my care ill. What's the point of an illness policy if the parent won't follow it? Having a 103 degree temp is a sign of some sort of serious situation. I definitely wouldn't want to expose myself or my kids to that. To me that is what being a parent is about, taking responsibility, not bringing your doped up kid to daycare where the provider is unaware of your child's situation. And this is a perfect example as to why it is important for families to have back-up care available. What I am curious about is sure your parents loved the fact that you could watch an ill child but how did the other families in your care feel about it? I know I would not have been pleased if it was my child.

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Sounds perfectly logical to me. Amazing what some parents will do.

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jana - that's what i did as much as possible of course. i don't think any parent would expect to be the exception. when my daughter is sick, my son still has to be around her. it happens and sometimes he ends up sick, sometimes he doesn't. the peace of mind of knowing you don't have to call in or you can have a couple of hours to set up an appointment is worth it to some people.

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QualiTCare, I TOTALLY agree about helping out the parents. I HAVE kept sick kids. BUT, Mom and Dad were honest with me about it and I was then able to keep the child isolated from the other children and prevent it from spreading.

Medicating and not divulging that information puts other children at risk, and then what about the OTHER parents who might lose ther job if they miss work again - what if then THEY hide it and it becomes a vicious cycle of ALL of the children getting sick?

NOT COOL. Be straight with me and I'll help you if I am able. Lie to me and you can leave.

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Exactly my thoughts. This isn't so much about sick kids in your program, it's about dishonesty and devisiveness, and selfish risk- taking.

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Not too much to ask. I 100% agree.

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The only reason parents would lie is so that you would keep the kid sick. If you keep the kid sick then it's in their best interest to tell you the truth. The only time it wouldn't be would be if once you know the truth they are your version of "too sick". If the parent thinks that you may say no because you think their are too sick they are either not going to be honest or they are going to minimize it when they describe it. Minimize it so that you KNOW the kid is sick so the kid will get the special special they need but NOT sick enough for Mom and Dad to miss work.

It all comes down to one thing. You are going to keep the kid sick. You can keep the kid sick knowing it or not knowing it but either way you are going to keep the kid sick.

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Well, Nan, I can say I am fairly certain my families do not dope and run. I cannot remember the last time a child sprouted a fever mid-morning or mid-day, and the number of times parents have kept their kids due to illness ( many times only a cold or a slight fever and they STILL took off work and kept them) over the years indicates to me that they don't dope and run, or else their kids were sick an awful lot!

I can also say they RARELY ask me to keep their ill children. Probably happened 10 times at the most in almost 14 years. They stay home with their kids, unless they absolutley cannot. They save the "favor" for when they absolutely cannot miss work. They don't take advantage of it. They do know I will keep their child if there is fever with cough or other symptoms, as long as there is no vomiting or diarrhea. Pretty sure no one has tried to hide that from me either, because the last time a child vomited or had diarrhea here has been ages! I have been lucky....it seems to always start at home and the parents know to not even try

What it comes down to is mutual respect. You respect my policies and the other children and families in care, and I will respect you and assist you as I am able. Me and my families work that way....we scratch each other's backs, so to speak

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I just terminated a family because the mom lied to me about her daughter's illnesses one too many times. I'm a pretty understanding person and I'm not unreasonable, but when a parent is purposely deceptive, then I'm not inclined to keep them as clients. I gave her the notice and she's finished now and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

A cold is one thing, but what this girl had went way beyond that and the mom knew it! She was a school age kid and she was here 3rd shift so that added the element of not knowing what she was exposed to during the day and I couldn't justify keeping her in my care when the mom was lying about her health all the time.

My illness policies are very rigid but as a result, I have a very healthy group of kids.

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