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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>One Of "The Talks" And A Funny
PitterPatter 07:37 PM 08-16-2011
As some of u know my son is 9 and has severe ADHD! I don't like putting medicines in my young childs body so we only medicate for school concentration. He doesn't get to run with neighborhood kids because I don't want him out of my sight. He is very hyper and impulsive. He will run across a street and not look, same with a bike, just dart across. Soo he is not allowed to roam all over the town like these other kids his age. Plus the other kids are let out at noon and told to be back at 9pm!! 
My son isn't as mentally mature as these boys and being that he doesn't hang with them he is lacking hearing sexual type things that some have been overheard discussing. That is 1 of the good points about him missing out. Anyway, the point here is I tried to talk to him a couple weeks ago about what gay was because he heard someone call someone else gay on the street. He didn't go for "gay means happy"
So I had to tell him that boys can love boys and girls can love girls... etc... He accepted it ok I guess but giggled and found it funny then didn't want to talk anymore. I think he was embarrassed maybe. (we have not talked sex yet) Ok great I'm off the hook. Same when he asked how he was born. I had a C-section so I was able to honestly tell him they pulled him out of my belly and show him the scar. He accepted it and discussion over.
NOW today he was playing with a friend he invites over sometimes. This boy is in his class and is somewhat behind in a mentally slow way so I allow them to play together without hawk eye supervision. I sat on the deck reading a magazine. They were running in the yard playing tag and my son tried to jump a swing and fell with the swing right in his crotch!
The friend (also 9) asks if he was ok, I yelled out asking if he was ok. Dear son laughed and yelled back "OWWW MY COOOCHIE" while grabbing his crotch! 
. OMG!!! The other boy laughed and said u don't have a coochie to which my son argues yes I do, we all do! I'm peeking over the magazine thinking, Ohhh nooo don't go there please??? Sure enough Son yells up, "Mom don't I have a coochie?" I am and 
all in one! I say "no dear u do NOT have a coochie and please don't say that word!" He looks confused and asked "well what is it that I have?" Now he has been told he has a penis but I never said what a girl has because I just fear him saying it or something. (immature remember) I don't know why he called it a coochie instead of a penis! I told him as quietly as possible that he hurt his crotch and we all have crotches. I didn't know what else to say with passers by and someone elses child listening and everytime I try to tell my son something in private this boy follows so I knew not to go there. So I let it go at crotch and shoved my face in my magazine! They went on playing.
WHAT do I tell my child? He is getting to that age and I don't know what to say or when he is ready? He has no Father he basically abandoned him. It's just me. Being my son is not as mature as most 9 yr olds I feel stuck here. What if I tell him and he makes a joke of it in school with the details or says something in apporpriate etc. Yet he is behind when most other 9 yr olds know a little something.
Anyone in this same boat or ever have been? Advise much appreciated here TIA!
My son isn't as mentally mature as these boys and being that he doesn't hang with them he is lacking hearing sexual type things that some have been overheard discussing. That is 1 of the good points about him missing out. Anyway, the point here is I tried to talk to him a couple weeks ago about what gay was because he heard someone call someone else gay on the street. He didn't go for "gay means happy"
So I had to tell him that boys can love boys and girls can love girls... etc... He accepted it ok I guess but giggled and found it funny then didn't want to talk anymore. I think he was embarrassed maybe. (we have not talked sex yet) Ok great I'm off the hook. Same when he asked how he was born. I had a C-section so I was able to honestly tell him they pulled him out of my belly and show him the scar. He accepted it and discussion over.NOW today he was playing with a friend he invites over sometimes. This boy is in his class and is somewhat behind in a mentally slow way so I allow them to play together without hawk eye supervision. I sat on the deck reading a magazine. They were running in the yard playing tag and my son tried to jump a swing and fell with the swing right in his crotch!
The friend (also 9) asks if he was ok, I yelled out asking if he was ok. Dear son laughed and yelled back "OWWW MY COOOCHIE" while grabbing his crotch! . OMG!!! The other boy laughed and said u don't have a coochie to which my son argues yes I do, we all do! I'm peeking over the magazine thinking, Ohhh nooo don't go there please??? Sure enough Son yells up, "Mom don't I have a coochie?" I am and all in one! I say "no dear u do NOT have a coochie and please don't say that word!" He looks confused and asked "well what is it that I have?" Now he has been told he has a penis but I never said what a girl has because I just fear him saying it or something. (immature remember) I don't know why he called it a coochie instead of a penis! I told him as quietly as possible that he hurt his crotch and we all have crotches. I didn't know what else to say with passers by and someone elses child listening and everytime I try to tell my son something in private this boy follows so I knew not to go there. So I let it go at crotch and shoved my face in my magazine! They went on playing.WHAT do I tell my child? He is getting to that age and I don't know what to say or when he is ready? He has no Father he basically abandoned him. It's just me. Being my son is not as mature as most 9 yr olds I feel stuck here. What if I tell him and he makes a joke of it in school with the details or says something in apporpriate etc. Yet he is behind when most other 9 yr olds know a little something.
Anyone in this same boat or ever have been? Advise much appreciated here TIA!
wdmmom 07:47 PM 08-16-2011
Do you have any guy friends? Is there an uncle or grandfather that can have "that talk"? I have a very good guy friend that has been in my son's life since he was 5. (His father (expletive) abandoned us and went for a newer model in New York...we've never seen him since.) Anywho...I used to be far too (for lack of a better word) immature myself. Between my friend and my husband, the kids all know what they need to. There is an occasional question that will arise...like tonight at the dinner table my step-son (age 9) asked what birth control was. Uhhh...I looked at my husband to fill in that blank. He did a very good job of explaining it! A lot better than I could of! 
Kaddidle Care 08:08 PM 08-16-2011
My 10 year old has yet to ask questions of that nature. He knows what he's got but that's about it as far as I know.
With my first child, also ADHD, I let his questions be the guide and only answered the questions he asked, no more, no less. I plan to be this way with my 2nd as well.
I try not to fret about it. They learn it all eventually.
With my first child, also ADHD, I let his questions be the guide and only answered the questions he asked, no more, no less. I plan to be this way with my 2nd as well.
I try not to fret about it. They learn it all eventually.
sharlan 08:14 PM 08-16-2011
I feel for you.
There was a reason God did not give me any sons.
There was a reason God did not give me any sons.
laundrymom 08:25 PM 08-16-2011
I'd just tell him the correct term is penis, but just like tv is slang for television, and phone for telephone. Even car for automobile, the word penis is the same way. Some people dont like the " official word" and use slang, then offer a few you find acceptable. I would offer up " privates, boy parts, or crotch". I've heard a lot of different terms, wiener, tails, aimers, nuts, twig n berries, thingy, area, many more.
Personally we called my sons an Aimer because when he was toilet learning, I would tell him to AIM it. Lol so it became an aimer. My DD (2 years younger) walked in at age 2 1/2 on him in the bathtub and said,... MOMMY BUB HAS A TAIL!!!! and it stuck! Lol
Personally we called my sons an Aimer because when he was toilet learning, I would tell him to AIM it. Lol so it became an aimer. My DD (2 years younger) walked in at age 2 1/2 on him in the bathtub and said,... MOMMY BUB HAS A TAIL!!!! and it stuck! Lol
PitterPatter 08:28 PM 08-16-2011
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
I'd just tell him the correct term is penis, but just like tv is slang for television, and phone for telephone. Even car for automobile, the word penis is the same way. Some people dont like the " official word" and use slang, then offer a few you find acceptable. I would offer up " privates, boy parts, or crotch". I've heard a lot of different terms, wiener, tails, aimers, nuts, twig n berries, thingy, area, many more.
Personally we called my sons an Aimer because when he was toilet learning, I would tell him to AIM it. Lol so it became an aimer. My DD (2 years younger) walked in at age 2 1/2 on him in the bathtub and said,... MOMMY BUB HAS A TAIL!!!! and it stuck! Lol
I'd just tell him the correct term is penis, but just like tv is slang for television, and phone for telephone. Even car for automobile, the word penis is the same way. Some people dont like the " official word" and use slang, then offer a few you find acceptable. I would offer up " privates, boy parts, or crotch". I've heard a lot of different terms, wiener, tails, aimers, nuts, twig n berries, thingy, area, many more.
Personally we called my sons an Aimer because when he was toilet learning, I would tell him to AIM it. Lol so it became an aimer. My DD (2 years younger) walked in at age 2 1/2 on him in the bathtub and said,... MOMMY BUB HAS A TAIL!!!! and it stuck! Lol
That was funnier than my story!!Thanks for the help everyone!!
GretasLittleFriends 08:31 PM 08-16-2011
I have three kids (almost 16g, almost 7b and 15mosg). The oldest dd was (just about) 9 when her little brother was born. Seeing his penis in his diaper caused a LOT of questions. I answered them one at a time as she asked. Then she asked how he got into my belly. I told her the truth, full version. The horrified look on her face made me wonder if I had told her too much. It was MUCH easier though to have the period talk when that age was rapidly closing in on us.
My DS was 5 1/2yrs when his baby sister was born. He too had questions about the baby in my belly and how did she get there. Since he was 5 I didn't want to go into to much detail. He knows guys have penis' (weiners as he prefers) and girls don't. He knows that the dad's seed gets planted in mom's egg and that makes a baby grow inside of mom's belly. He hasn't yet asked how the seed and the egg get into mom's belly. The poor guy is probably figuring its like planting a garden.
My DS was 5 1/2yrs when his baby sister was born. He too had questions about the baby in my belly and how did she get there. Since he was 5 I didn't want to go into to much detail. He knows guys have penis' (weiners as he prefers) and girls don't. He knows that the dad's seed gets planted in mom's egg and that makes a baby grow inside of mom's belly. He hasn't yet asked how the seed and the egg get into mom's belly. The poor guy is probably figuring its like planting a garden.
familyschoolcare 10:02 PM 08-16-2011
Op at the very least you should tell your son that girls are different than boys and the names of the girls parts. While I understand your not wanting to tell him things before he is ready and he is immature so you are not sure he is ready. One thing you need to consider is at what grade will the school tell him any way and do you want that to be the first time he hears certain words. Where I live "sex" ed is started in 5th grade at the end of the year in science and is called human development. I was surprised to find out they told the children everything they need to know to understand how sex worked if they put all the parts together.
SilverSabre25 05:56 AM 08-17-2011
Is he going into 3rd grade or 4th? I ask because around here 4th grade is the Year of the Sex Education IIRC. So, do you want your son learning the stuff from you...or from a stranger in school...or the garbled version from his peers?
I'm not criticizing you at all--just giving you some things to think about.
I'm not criticizing you at all--just giving you some things to think about.
SandeeAR 07:55 AM 08-17-2011
By the time my girls were that age, We were having small "talks" already. Kids are exposed to more and understand a LOT more now days than in my time of growing up. One of the girls at our church started her period at 10.5, she was about 6 months younger than my DD.
By age 9, we had read the following:
http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come.../dp/0818402539
This book is set up with great cartoon sort of pics that are "correct", of a Mom and Dad. If you are the one reading it, you can skim over the parts they aren't ready for. By age appropriate, you decide this (10-12). I left the book with them for them to look at anytime they wanted. I also told them I was available for any questions.
I reminded them, that I would tell them the truth and be straight with them. And that their friends might not tell them the truth, b/c they might not know the truth.
By age 9, we had read the following:
http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come.../dp/0818402539
This book is set up with great cartoon sort of pics that are "correct", of a Mom and Dad. If you are the one reading it, you can skim over the parts they aren't ready for. By age appropriate, you decide this (10-12). I left the book with them for them to look at anytime they wanted. I also told them I was available for any questions.
I reminded them, that I would tell them the truth and be straight with them. And that their friends might not tell them the truth, b/c they might not know the truth.