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  #1  
Old 07-24-2013, 07:01 AM
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Default Existing Client Has Issue With My Discipline Policy

I have had this client for almost a year, and they signed that they read and agreed to my policy. Previous to this week, the child has been well behaved enough to not require much intervention. This week, the child came in hitting and throwing toys. My discipline policy clearly states that if a child hits, they are automatically in time out (the kids call this "You hit, you sit" and they ALL know the 'rule') When toys are thrown, I give a warning/reminder, and then remove the toys if it is done a second time. Child is 3.5, these are not ridiculous expectations.

When I told dcd that dcb had been hitting several times on Monday, and that he sat 3x he said "GOOD! He was out of control this weekend and hit me, threw things out to dinner with family and was running around the restaurant screaming!" dcd asked what I do, because dcb is generally much better behaved for me. I explained it, and gave him another copy of the discipline policy. All was good.

Today, dcm came in and apparently dcd instituted my rules at home and dcb is NOT pleased with the crack down. Prior, dcd and dcm gave 3 warnings and then helped dcb (like 3 warnings to clean up toys he had thrown, and then HELPED him clean them up and allowed him to still have them.) She thinks I am being 'harsh' and her son is only 3 1/2. I told her that the first time I tell him is actually a reminder because at 3.5 he KNOWS the rules, after that he is blatantly disregarding what I have said and I won't tolerate it. She was MAD and slammed my door.
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  #2  
Old 07-24-2013, 07:10 AM
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How rude of mom! I think I would explain my rules to mom regarding respect and tell her that this is HER first warning.
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Old 07-24-2013, 07:21 AM
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Temper tantrums from kids I happily deal with every day.

From parents. Never.

I would have termed. Slamming your door shows no respect for you or your home.
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Old 07-24-2013, 07:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by makap View Post
How rude of mom! I think I would explain my rules to mom regarding respect and tell her that this is HER first warning.
that's funny! Seriously...slamming doors?? I would be SO mad! She's setting a great example for her child At 3.5 your methods are perfectly acceptable!
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Old 07-24-2013, 07:27 AM
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Badly behaved parents go bye bye.

If she doesn't want time out then she can come get him for the day immediately when he acts out. Then she can take him home and coddle him, love him up, tell him about how unfair you are, and give him some special special reward to compensate him for his damages.

Each and every instance she needs to take him for the day. They need to do their petting him at their own house.
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Old 07-24-2013, 07:31 AM
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Not very respectful, but I'd say give her a chance to cool down and then invite her to talk about it again.

If this is not typical behavior for mom, then I'd cut her some slack. We all have bad days.
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Old 07-24-2013, 08:34 AM
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Huh. Wonder where he's getting the aggressive behavior from?

That would not fly with me here. I'd probably term as well. Only thing: might talk to Dad first because he WAS respectful and on board. Let him know how his wife acted and that behavior will NOT be tolerated and you are seriously considering terming because you cannot have aggressive behavior from parents EVER. Depending on what HE said and what the mom said (Better be tail between her legs apology all over the place) before I would consider even one more day. Parents like that are a total liability.
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Old 07-24-2013, 08:39 AM
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WOW.

Do you have anything in your policies regarding disrespectful behavior from parents?

I would print off and highlight the discipline policy as well as the policy regarding parent behaviors (if you have one)'

That would be the one and only warning.
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Old 07-24-2013, 09:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by makap View Post
How rude of mom! I think I would explain my rules to mom regarding respect and tell her that this is HER first warning.
That was exactly what came to my mine. That's in my policy as well. Neither you nor your child can disrespect my home, property or me. I have no tolerance for that.
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Old 07-24-2013, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by CedarCreek View Post
WOW.

Do you have anything in your policies regarding disrespectful behavior from parents?

I would print off and highlight the discipline policy as well as the policy regarding parent behaviors (if you have one)'

That would be the one and only warning.
Exactly! This is in my policy handbook right under things that would get you terminated. I have no tolerance for disrespect of my home or my family, to include me by neither parent or child.
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Old 07-24-2013, 09:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Not very respectful, but I'd say give her a chance to cool down and then invite her to talk about it again.

If this is not typical behavior for mom, then I'd cut her some slack. We all have bad days.
Agree.with Heidi!
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  #12  
Old 07-24-2013, 09:32 AM
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Wow.

At 2.5 I expect children not to throw things and they get a warning.
At 3.5, they get no warning. They would IMMEDIATELY be separated from the group for throwing.
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  #13  
Old 07-24-2013, 09:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi View Post
Not very respectful, but I'd say give her a chance to cool down and then invite her to talk about it again.

If this is not typical behavior for mom, then I'd cut her some slack. We all have bad days.


Especially if this is a relatively recent development behavior wise, she just may need some time to come to grips with the fact that her child may need stronger discipline as they get older. The door slamming was childish, and should be addressed as well, but I have done some things in a moment of pique that I wouldn't otherwise have done so I would say a warning would probably put a stop to it.
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  #14  
Old 07-26-2013, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
I have had this client for almost a year, and they signed that they read and agreed to my policy. Previous to this week, the child has been well behaved enough to not require much intervention. This week, the child came in hitting and throwing toys. My discipline policy clearly states that if a child hits, they are automatically in time out (the kids call this "You hit, you sit" and they ALL know the 'rule') When toys are thrown, I give a warning/reminder, and then remove the toys if it is done a second time. Child is 3.5, these are not ridiculous expectations.

When I told dcd that dcb had been hitting several times on Monday, and that he sat 3x he said "GOOD! He was out of control this weekend and hit me, threw things out to dinner with family and was running around the restaurant screaming!" dcd asked what I do, because dcb is generally much better behaved for me. I explained it, and gave him another copy of the discipline policy. All was good.

Today, dcm came in and apparently dcd instituted my rules at home and dcb is NOT pleased with the crack down. Prior, dcd and dcm gave 3 warnings and then helped dcb (like 3 warnings to clean up toys he had thrown, and then HELPED him clean them up and allowed him to still have them.) She thinks I am being 'harsh' and her son is only 3 1/2. I told her that the first time I tell him is actually a reminder because at 3.5 he KNOWS the rules, after that he is blatantly disregarding what I have said and I won't tolerate it. She was MAD and slammed my door.
You are correct, he KNOWS the rules at this age. Good for dad for introducing consistency into the child's life. If Dad wins this war, they will soon have a well-behaved child who is no longer confused about what's acceptable-the rules will be the same whereever he goes.

If Mom brings it up again, I would offer her another option: I can continue with MY discipline program, or you can come pick him up for the day every time he hits.
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  #15  
Old 07-26-2013, 12:05 PM
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I would have asked the mom.....would you be ok if your son was the one that was getting hit? How would you feel then?
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  #16  
Old 07-26-2013, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
You are correct, he KNOWS the rules at this age. Good for dad for introducing consistency into the child's life. If Dad wins this war, they will soon have a well-behaved child who is no longer confused about what's acceptable-the rules will be the same whereever he goes.

If Mom brings it up again, I would offer her another option: I can continue with MY discipline program, or you can come pick him up for the day every time he hits.
Well they stuck with it, and dcb is wonderful both HERE and at HOME. Mom apologized to me and the next day wrote me a note explaining how she used my technique and how it worked, and brought me coffee and a muffin (which I had the kids split, since I am dieting).

They are one of those golden families, parents and kid, so I am super happy it ironed itself back out!
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Old 07-26-2013, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Badly behaved parents go bye bye.


I HATE when people slam doors! Even when I am mad, I never slam the door (only on accident when there is a gust of wind) because I see it as rude, disrespectful, and childish! Then next morning I would have given her a term notice for such disrespectful and childish behavior! Sorry if it seems harsh but that is one of my pet peeves.
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  #18  
Old 07-26-2013, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
Well they stuck with it, and dcb is wonderful both HERE and at HOME. Mom apologized to me and the next day wrote me a note explaining how she used my technique and how it worked, and brought me coffee and a muffin (which I had the kids split, since I am dieting).

They are one of those golden families, parents and kid, so I am super happy it ironed itself back out!
Yay!!!

I agree with some of the PP - you need to look at the overall character of the parent not just one moment... Glad it worked for you
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Old 07-26-2013, 02:45 PM
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So glad to hear a happy ending to this story
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