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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would You Call This... Flirting?
Logged out for privacy 07:25 PM 07-16-2014
I logged out for this one because of how embarrassing it is. I started a family of 2 recently and wanted to get some advice regarding dad. I want to think I am over-reacting and that this is totally nothing, but I'd still like to know what you ladies think or would feel in my situation. I also have to say it has not been anything extreme, just very subtle things that caught my attention. First incident was calling me honey. Very casually. "Hey, where's the trash can, honey?" Okay, I let that slide. Whatever (though hubby was very upset by this when I told him) However, part 2 of incident is this: Upon getting off of work early, he went home to shave his face before picking up the kids and made a point to explain to me that he did that. Apparently they live ten minutes from me, and last time I checked, people can shave when they have their kids in their home. Why did he go through the trouble to go home, shave, and THEN come pick up the kids? No, they weren't going anywhere that day. So whats's up with that? Next day weird thing wasn't by him, but from dcg3 when I was putting her shoes on in my play room while dcd is in living room putting on shoes for dcg5. She said in her silly voice, "My daddy likes you!" I blew it off and said "oh how sweet babygirl! Do you like Miss _____ too?" "Yes!" "That's great, because Miss. ____ takes very good care of you and she likes you too!"
Lets, see... also standing too close for comfort. I try to back away but somehow he keeps ending up getting close to me while talking during pick up and drop offs, even though they are relatively short. Not like in my face kinda close, but just... close. I know what too close to another man feels like. And he's that kind of close.
I would really, really like to hear about any incidents that have happened to others regarding any weird 'possible' flirting, or full blown sexual harassment. Just out of curiosity, and for readings sake. What do you guys do, especially in a situation where it's not like super obvious that that's what he's doing? Also, am I over-reacting, or do you think he's actually being weird? Thanks everyone for any input.
P.S. he's married too!
Lets, see... also standing too close for comfort. I try to back away but somehow he keeps ending up getting close to me while talking during pick up and drop offs, even though they are relatively short. Not like in my face kinda close, but just... close. I know what too close to another man feels like. And he's that kind of close.
I would really, really like to hear about any incidents that have happened to others regarding any weird 'possible' flirting, or full blown sexual harassment. Just out of curiosity, and for readings sake. What do you guys do, especially in a situation where it's not like super obvious that that's what he's doing? Also, am I over-reacting, or do you think he's actually being weird? Thanks everyone for any input.
P.S. he's married too!
Unregistered 07:32 PM 07-16-2014
I can't tell you HOW to deal with it, but I do suggest you find a way. It may be termination.
It was some years back that I had a DCD like this. He started hanging around with his child after everyone else was gone. And that is when the more blatant language began.
"You look like an angel to me" "My wife would never know" etc.
Then DCB started saying that he and his dad would look in my windows at night. Now they would not have seen anything because the only windows they could look into were my DC area, not my home area. But still.
I ended up telling a few other DCPs about it. This was before we had so much confidentiality concern. So those DCPs would hang around until he left.
Finally the DCB aged out. I ran into the wife a few years later and she said they had divorced. I don't have to wonder why.
I say do SOMETHING.
It was some years back that I had a DCD like this. He started hanging around with his child after everyone else was gone. And that is when the more blatant language began.
"You look like an angel to me" "My wife would never know" etc.
Then DCB started saying that he and his dad would look in my windows at night. Now they would not have seen anything because the only windows they could look into were my DC area, not my home area. But still.
I ended up telling a few other DCPs about it. This was before we had so much confidentiality concern. So those DCPs would hang around until he left.
Finally the DCB aged out. I ran into the wife a few years later and she said they had divorced. I don't have to wonder why.
I say do SOMETHING.
preschoolteacher 08:00 PM 07-16-2014
Yeah, that sounds creepy and inappropriate to me.
I'd be busy making breakfast at drop off - - "hi, DCG, come sit here, we are making breakfast. Oh Bobby, do you need another cup of water? Sally, you dropped your fork!" Non stop talking to the kids, as occupied as you can be, until the door shuts and he's gone. Same at pick up.
Do parents enter your daycare space? Does he will all the way in? Linger? If he can't get near you or get your attention to talk to you, he won't be able to continue his behavior. Like with a child, modify the environment and ignore, ignore. Any more comments like "I went home and shaved" would fall on deaf ears.
I'd email all communication (and copy the mom), send home written communication only, basically not ever talk on the phone to or text him.
If it doesn't improve, I'd be blunt once "your comments make me uncomfortable. We need to interact professionally if your daughter is to continue here" and anything other than an embarrassed apology from a clueless guy would make me term.
I'd be busy making breakfast at drop off - - "hi, DCG, come sit here, we are making breakfast. Oh Bobby, do you need another cup of water? Sally, you dropped your fork!" Non stop talking to the kids, as occupied as you can be, until the door shuts and he's gone. Same at pick up.
Do parents enter your daycare space? Does he will all the way in? Linger? If he can't get near you or get your attention to talk to you, he won't be able to continue his behavior. Like with a child, modify the environment and ignore, ignore. Any more comments like "I went home and shaved" would fall on deaf ears.
I'd email all communication (and copy the mom), send home written communication only, basically not ever talk on the phone to or text him.
If it doesn't improve, I'd be blunt once "your comments make me uncomfortable. We need to interact professionally if your daughter is to continue here" and anything other than an embarrassed apology from a clueless guy would make me term.
AmyKidsCo 08:30 PM 07-16-2014
If you're not comfortable then there's a problem - listen to your gut.
What to do about it is the hard thing. Is there any way to find out if he's like this all the time, or just with you?
Some people are "over sharers" and have no sense of personal space, or their personal space is smaller than others. (Mine is larger, I don't like people close to me at all) So it all may be innocent from his point of view.
ITA about being busy when he's there - even better if you can get a table or something between you and him. Also definitely don't have ANY communication just between you and him - include Mom and make sure there's children besides just his around when he's there.
What to do about it is the hard thing. Is there any way to find out if he's like this all the time, or just with you?
Some people are "over sharers" and have no sense of personal space, or their personal space is smaller than others. (Mine is larger, I don't like people close to me at all) So it all may be innocent from his point of view.
ITA about being busy when he's there - even better if you can get a table or something between you and him. Also definitely don't have ANY communication just between you and him - include Mom and make sure there's children besides just his around when he's there.
debbiedoeszip 09:19 PM 07-16-2014
I'd be super-formal with him, and if he gets in your personal space then I'd bluntly tell him to step back/away from you. I'd also have the cops (911?) on speed dial and a cell phone in my hand whenever he's doing pick up or drop off.
Second Home 07:07 AM 07-17-2014
I call it creepy .
spud912 07:27 AM 07-17-2014
Maybe you can place something between you and him to prevent the close contact (like a child or holding a large toy, etc.)?
Heidi 07:32 AM 07-17-2014
"Hey, dcd, I may be bonkers, but I'm getting a flirting vibe from you. If I'm not wrong, I need you to know that while I'm flattered, I also VERY married".
If he says "ah, what?" you can say "ok, so I read you wrong. Embarrassing, but whew! I love having dcg here, but I can't let things get weird, ya know?"
If he says "oh, sorry", you can say "yeah, like I said, I'm flattered, but I love having dcg here, and I can't let things get weird, ya know?"
If he says "Hey baby, common". You can say "common nothing, either cool your jets or I'm going to have to terminate. My dh is pretty jealous, and I wouldn't do anything to risk our marriage!"
I say, confront him. You gotta look him in the eye and say "STOP", it's not an "ignore it and it'll go away" kind of thing.
If he says "ah, what?" you can say "ok, so I read you wrong. Embarrassing, but whew! I love having dcg here, but I can't let things get weird, ya know?"
If he says "oh, sorry", you can say "yeah, like I said, I'm flattered, but I love having dcg here, and I can't let things get weird, ya know?"
If he says "Hey baby, common". You can say "common nothing, either cool your jets or I'm going to have to terminate. My dh is pretty jealous, and I wouldn't do anything to risk our marriage!"
I say, confront him. You gotta look him in the eye and say "STOP", it's not an "ignore it and it'll go away" kind of thing.
Blackcat31 07:35 AM 07-17-2014
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
If you're not comfortable then there's a problem - listen to your gut.
What to do about it is the hard thing. Is there any way to find out if he's like this all the time, or just with you?
Some people are "over sharers" and have no sense of personal space, or their personal space is smaller than others. (Mine is larger, I don't like people close to me at all) So it all may be innocent from his point of view.
ITA about being busy when he's there - even better if you can get a table or something between you and him. Also definitely don't have ANY communication just between you and him - include Mom and make sure there's children besides just his around when he's there.
If you're not comfortable then there's a problem - listen to your gut.
What to do about it is the hard thing. Is there any way to find out if he's like this all the time, or just with you?
Some people are "over sharers" and have no sense of personal space, or their personal space is smaller than others. (Mine is larger, I don't like people close to me at all) So it all may be innocent from his point of view.
ITA about being busy when he's there - even better if you can get a table or something between you and him. Also definitely don't have ANY communication just between you and him - include Mom and make sure there's children besides just his around when he's there.
I agree about some people just being "over sharers"...I have several DCP's like that.
I have a barrier between myself and where parents stand. I appreciate that because there has been a few times in which I felt uneasy for some reason.
My DH spends alot of time here and if I let him know I am uncomfortable about interacting with a certain parent, he will usually make his presence known for several days/weeks while that parent does picking up or dropping off.
I also agree with the suggestion that if necessary you may just need to outright tell him that you are a professional and don't like some of the things he is saying/doing. If he doesn't get it....say something to his wife.
Ask her if he calls all women "Hun" (that would seriously annoy me) or if he shaves for everyone......his wife knowing should make him uncomfortable.
hope 09:18 AM 07-17-2014
I can't stand awkwardness or confrontation so I usually go with asking "what do you mean?" Over and over again. I make it clear that I understand what they said but can't understand why they would say it. For example:
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!
Chellieleanne 09:26 AM 07-17-2014
I just want to say I have a very good male friend that calls me Hun. DH approves of said male and is the only guy he let's me go out with alone lol! Not that I ever go out 
My friend was born and raised on the west coast but is very southern in his manners.
The DCD to my DcB, I hardly see him but he is the same way in regards to how he addresses me.
That being said, the too close for comfort issue is what would get to me. I would find a way to create distance during drop off/pick up. If that doesn't help the. Either address the situation with DCM ( he may just be friendly and not realize he is doing it) or tell DCD that while you appreciate his friendliness you do have your personal space and do not like being so close to people as a general rule. Though maybe a bit more eloquently than I just stated. If it doesn't help then term. No reason to keep putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
My friend was born and raised on the west coast but is very southern in his manners. The DCD to my DcB, I hardly see him but he is the same way in regards to how he addresses me.
That being said, the too close for comfort issue is what would get to me. I would find a way to create distance during drop off/pick up. If that doesn't help the. Either address the situation with DCM ( he may just be friendly and not realize he is doing it) or tell DCD that while you appreciate his friendliness you do have your personal space and do not like being so close to people as a general rule. Though maybe a bit more eloquently than I just stated. If it doesn't help then term. No reason to keep putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
Play Care 09:37 AM 07-17-2014
Originally Posted by hope:
I can't stand awkwardness or confrontation so I usually go with asking "what do you mean?" Over and over again. I make it clear that I understand what they said but can't understand why they would say it. For example:
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!
I like that! Or even, "why are you telling me that?" with a I can't stand awkwardness or confrontation so I usually go with asking "what do you mean?" Over and over again. I make it clear that I understand what they said but can't understand why they would say it. For example:
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!
look...It's so hard to be assertive when someone is doing something subtly - you can't really address it without looking foolish. But using the "what do you mean?" or "why are you telling me that?" may force their hand. Once they cross the boundary of subtle, you can go in for the kill
My3cents 10:30 AM 07-17-2014
Originally Posted by Logged out for privacy:
I logged out for this one because of how embarrassing it is. I started a family of 2 recently and wanted to get some advice regarding dad. I want to think I am over-reacting and that this is totally nothing, but I'd still like to know what you ladies think or would feel in my situation. I also have to say it has not been anything extreme, just very subtle things that caught my attention. First incident was calling me honey. Very casually. "Hey, where's the trash can, honey?" Okay, I let that slide. Whatever (though hubby was very upset by this when I told him) However, part 2 of incident is this: Upon getting off of work early, he went home to shave his face before picking up the kids and made a point to explain to me that he did that. Apparently they live ten minutes from me, and last time I checked, people can shave when they have their kids in their home. Why did he go through the trouble to go home, shave, and THEN come pick up the kids? No, they weren't going anywhere that day. So whats's up with that? Next day weird thing wasn't by him, but from dcg3 when I was putting her shoes on in my play room while dcd is in living room putting on shoes for dcg5. She said in her silly voice, "My daddy likes you!" I blew it off and said "oh how sweet babygirl! Do you like Miss _____ too?" "Yes!" "That's great, because Miss. ____ takes very good care of you and she likes you too!"
Lets, see... also standing too close for comfort. I try to back away but somehow he keeps ending up getting close to me while talking during pick up and drop offs, even though they are relatively short. Not like in my face kinda close, but just... close. I know what too close to another man feels like. And he's that kind of close.
I would really, really like to hear about any incidents that have happened to others regarding any weird 'possible' flirting, or full blown sexual harassment. Just out of curiosity, and for readings sake. What do you guys do, especially in a situation where it's not like super obvious that that's what he's doing? Also, am I over-reacting, or do you think he's actually being weird? Thanks everyone for any input.
P.S. he's married too!
I would be blunt-I logged out for this one because of how embarrassing it is. I started a family of 2 recently and wanted to get some advice regarding dad. I want to think I am over-reacting and that this is totally nothing, but I'd still like to know what you ladies think or would feel in my situation. I also have to say it has not been anything extreme, just very subtle things that caught my attention. First incident was calling me honey. Very casually. "Hey, where's the trash can, honey?" Okay, I let that slide. Whatever (though hubby was very upset by this when I told him) However, part 2 of incident is this: Upon getting off of work early, he went home to shave his face before picking up the kids and made a point to explain to me that he did that. Apparently they live ten minutes from me, and last time I checked, people can shave when they have their kids in their home. Why did he go through the trouble to go home, shave, and THEN come pick up the kids? No, they weren't going anywhere that day. So whats's up with that? Next day weird thing wasn't by him, but from dcg3 when I was putting her shoes on in my play room while dcd is in living room putting on shoes for dcg5. She said in her silly voice, "My daddy likes you!" I blew it off and said "oh how sweet babygirl! Do you like Miss _____ too?" "Yes!" "That's great, because Miss. ____ takes very good care of you and she likes you too!"
Lets, see... also standing too close for comfort. I try to back away but somehow he keeps ending up getting close to me while talking during pick up and drop offs, even though they are relatively short. Not like in my face kinda close, but just... close. I know what too close to another man feels like. And he's that kind of close.
I would really, really like to hear about any incidents that have happened to others regarding any weird 'possible' flirting, or full blown sexual harassment. Just out of curiosity, and for readings sake. What do you guys do, especially in a situation where it's not like super obvious that that's what he's doing? Also, am I over-reacting, or do you think he's actually being weird? Thanks everyone for any input.
P.S. he's married too!
Excuse me, your in my personal space bubble. I would show him what that meant with my hands and explain it makes you a little uncomfortable!
I am hoping its all harmless. I know some people are just like that- bubbly personality in your face type of people
If you express your boundaries if it is harmless this guy is going to know your solid in protecting yourself and environment that you care for these kids and will not bat an eyelash other then to realize not everyone likes the in your face, honey way and he will back off.
I have not had the flirt, but I have had to tell a parent I don't like the way your talking about other people and that I won't tolerate racism. I let it go with subtle hints until I finally had to come out and be blunt-
I suggest you don't wait till its too late- Please update us on how this turns out
Meeko 11:08 AM 07-17-2014
Have hubby stand with his arm around you while staring at DCD....
Annalee 11:10 AM 07-17-2014
Wear a hat or shirt that says "DON'T MESS WITH ME!!!!!"
Blackcat31 11:11 AM 07-17-2014
Originally Posted by My3cents:
I would be blunt-
Excuse me, your in my personal space bubble.
I agree about being blunt but the words I would use include "your wife" and "is she aware?" I would be blunt-
Excuse me, your in my personal space bubble.
Meeko 11:14 AM 07-17-2014
Many, many years ago...when I was young and reasonably attractive ...I had a DCD get a bit too flirty with me when my husband was deployed with the Air Force.
I just made a point of making it clear how much I adored my husband and that he was the only one for me. I put up a wedding photo in the hallway and when DCD made a comment about my husband being a lucky man...I made sure to say that I was the lucky one and that he made me very happy.
I made sure to talk about Daddy with my boys in front of DCD. How much we missed him...what a great husband and dad he was etc.
DCD got the point and backed right off.
...I had a DCD get a bit too flirty with me when my husband was deployed with the Air Force.I just made a point of making it clear how much I adored my husband and that he was the only one for me. I put up a wedding photo in the hallway and when DCD made a comment about my husband being a lucky man...I made sure to say that I was the lucky one and that he made me very happy.
I made sure to talk about Daddy with my boys in front of DCD. How much we missed him...what a great husband and dad he was etc.
DCD got the point and backed right off.
Childminder 11:15 AM 07-17-2014
I have experienced the close talker or face talker as I call them, there are just people like that, a former pastor at our church was. He just was trying to show his attentiveness when conversing. I kept stepping back and had to watch I wasn't backing up to a wall.
My husband will shave before our grand-daughters come over because they don't like to kiss papa's picky face. Maybe he just doesn't want to greet his children with scratchy whiskers?
I call everyone Hun or Sweetie or Sugar, true I'm not a male and I wouldn't probably do it if I felt it made someone uncomfortable, at least I hope not. He might be a social moron and just not realize.
All of that being said, if he is giving off vibes or making you uncomfortable you need to confront the situation. Perhaps you can just come right and ask: "Are you this flirty with everyone or should I tell my husband or your wife you're being too friendly?"
My husband will shave before our grand-daughters come over because they don't like to kiss papa's picky face. Maybe he just doesn't want to greet his children with scratchy whiskers?
I call everyone Hun or Sweetie or Sugar, true I'm not a male and I wouldn't probably do it if I felt it made someone uncomfortable, at least I hope not. He might be a social moron and just not realize.
All of that being said, if he is giving off vibes or making you uncomfortable you need to confront the situation. Perhaps you can just come right and ask: "Are you this flirty with everyone or should I tell my husband or your wife you're being too friendly?"
CedarCreek 11:25 AM 07-17-2014
If he's getting too close I would just take a step back...a large one. I've had a DCD do that and after seeing the obvious step back, he got the point.
As for the "honey" term. I would jokingly say, " Hey now, DCD! DH is the only one that gets to use that term of endearment!"
As for the "honey" term. I would jokingly say, " Hey now, DCD! DH is the only one that gets to use that term of endearment!"
KiddieCahoots 12:13 PM 07-17-2014
Originally Posted by hope:
I can't stand awkwardness or confrontation so I usually go with asking "what do you mean?" Over and over again. I make it clear that I understand what they said but can't understand why they would say it. For example:
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!
I can't stand awkwardness or confrontation so I usually go with asking "what do you mean?" Over and over again. I make it clear that I understand what they said but can't understand why they would say it. For example:
Dcd: I went home to shave before I came here.
Me: what do you mean?
Dcd: I shaved before coming here.
Me: I understand and can see that you shaved but what do you mean?
It gets my point across. Stop with the innuendo and just say what you mean. Then I can tell them where to go with it. Lol!
........When you turn the tables on him with the question to please explain, it'll put the uncomfortable feelings right back in his lap.
Logged out for privacy-OP 01:35 PM 07-17-2014
Wow, thanks ladies, that's been very helpful. I will definitely update if anything else weird happens. He's only picked up once since I posted, and it happened to be the day hubby got off work early and was with me and all the kids at the table playing when he showed up. DH gave him the firm hand intro and kids got shoes on and it was pretty quick outta here. Like I said, it could be absolutely nothing, but I sure did like having DH here to, you know... "claim" his spot lol, kwim? 
That like, hey... here's my hubby, yeah, I love him - he's here for me and we are happy...
I really should have said something when he told me that he got off work early and went home to shave. But I was too confused at the moment as to why on earth he would do that, let alone tell me, that I ended up not really saying anything at all. I think I just said, "Oh, haha." or something dumb and non-interested.
I too try to be a "close-talker" but I obviously don't do it with everyone, and certainly not DCD's! Mostly my mom and sisters, hubby, and people I'm having very-important-conversations with.
I would very much like to know if my DH was shaving before he went to see another woman... Ouch. DCM might also be very much aware of his antics and might explain to me that he actually is just really friendly and means no harm. But still, not trying to be the foolish one bringing it up when it's nothing. I'd also not say anything at all to mom unless he does something else that just makes my decision for me. 
That like, hey... here's my hubby, yeah, I love him - he's here for me and we are happy... I really should have said something when he told me that he got off work early and went home to shave. But I was too confused at the moment as to why on earth he would do that, let alone tell me, that I ended up not really saying anything at all. I think I just said, "Oh, haha." or something dumb and non-interested.
I too try to be a "close-talker" but I obviously don't do it with everyone, and certainly not DCD's! Mostly my mom and sisters, hubby, and people I'm having very-important-conversations with.
Originally Posted by Childminder:
Perhaps you can just come right and ask: "Are you this flirty with everyone or should I tell my husband or your wife you're being too friendly?"
I know right! But that's just it, I can't even really say he's flirting because his weirdness is very suble. At least I think so. So far...Perhaps you can just come right and ask: "Are you this flirty with everyone or should I tell my husband or your wife you're being too friendly?"
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If he doesn't get it....say something to his wife.
Ask her if he calls all women "Hun" (that would seriously annoy me) or if he shaves for everyone......his wife knowing should make him uncomfortable.
I'm sure she'd be a little surprised lol. Unless he's been bad before and that's why they changed daycares... If he doesn't get it....say something to his wife.
Ask her if he calls all women "Hun" (that would seriously annoy me) or if he shaves for everyone......his wife knowing should make him uncomfortable.
I would very much like to know if my DH was shaving before he went to see another woman... Ouch. DCM might also be very much aware of his antics and might explain to me that he actually is just really friendly and means no harm. But still, not trying to be the foolish one bringing it up when it's nothing. I'd also not say anything at all to mom unless he does something else that just makes my decision for me. Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
...and anything other than an embarrassed apology from a clueless guy would make me term.
THIS!...and anything other than an embarrassed apology from a clueless guy would make me term.
Logged out for privacy-OP 01:44 PM 07-17-2014
Also sad that I couldn't find any threads on this weird subject before I posted. That's why I logged out, no threads made me even more embarrassed lol 
nannyde 02:20 PM 07-17-2014
Have your husband talk to him. Tell him that he comes in peace but please call my wife by her first name and always remember she is married to a man that loves her with all his heart.
Unregistered 02:26 PM 07-17-2014
When this happened to me, I also used the word subtle to describe it and also wondered if it was " just me".
It progressed and was no longer subtle. I tried to "joke " him out of it. It only got worse and worse.
Looking back I wish I had dealt with it right away. Either have a meeting with both parents, or terminate them, or even tell him straight up that if he did not stop the harassment I would be calling the police.
He is not flattering you. He is not joking with you. He is harassing you because you are being "nice " and he thinks he can get away with it.
Do not let this go on or it will progress, and by that time he will have you all conditioned to think that touching you is " just an accident" , or a one-time mistake.
I have been there and done that.
It progressed and was no longer subtle. I tried to "joke " him out of it. It only got worse and worse.
Looking back I wish I had dealt with it right away. Either have a meeting with both parents, or terminate them, or even tell him straight up that if he did not stop the harassment I would be calling the police.
He is not flattering you. He is not joking with you. He is harassing you because you are being "nice " and he thinks he can get away with it.
Do not let this go on or it will progress, and by that time he will have you all conditioned to think that touching you is " just an accident" , or a one-time mistake.
I have been there and done that.
Sunchimes 03:11 PM 07-17-2014
The people who said not to be embarrassed are right. Say something. If you are misjudging and it is simply bad manners, it might be a bit embarrassing, but you will be doing him (and womankind) a favor by making him aware of how it appears to others.
I've never had it happen with a daycare dad, but that's because I have 2 grandkids the same age as my dcds. There are some advantages to getting old.
I'm not making light of it. I had it happen far too often in my previous job (I was still old but the men were older too.) These were men involved in law enforcement, and many of them had a certain arrogance about them. I was never worried about anything happening-there were always dozens of people around. To me, it felt like a form of bullying. It's a creepy feeling, I agree.
I've never had it happen with a daycare dad, but that's because I have 2 grandkids the same age as my dcds. There are some advantages to getting old.
I'm not making light of it. I had it happen far too often in my previous job (I was still old but the men were older too.) These were men involved in law enforcement, and many of them had a certain arrogance about them. I was never worried about anything happening-there were always dozens of people around. To me, it felt like a form of bullying. It's a creepy feeling, I agree.
Unregistered 05:39 PM 07-17-2014
I babysat in a family's home. The dad was there a lot and I kept getting a weird vibe from him as well. I mentioned it to my husband several times and he felt I was being overly sensitive, that surely the man didn't mean it the way I was taking it. Things like commenting anytime I changed my hair or noticing if I had on a nicer outfit one day. Commenting to me that he'd work multiple jobs if his wife would stay home and care for their children the way I did. Sitting in the playroom and talking to me for long periods of time to "be with his kids." Then why am I here? Finally I felt uncomfortable enough I gave my notice and started my own daycare in my home. Literally a week later mom informed me she discovered him having an affair with a young girl. It totally creeped me out, but I learned to go with my gut. If you are uncomfortable, say something. You're probably right.
Unregistered 05:41 PM 07-17-2014
By young girl I meant a 19 or 20 year old.
KiddieCahoots 05:46 PM 07-17-2014
Swear I read something before that said some men look at the caregiver of their children in a romantic way.
Johnny Damon of the Red Sox left his wife for the nanny of their twins.
Then again....Johnny Damon is also one of the biggest traitors of Boston, lol!
Johnny Damon of the Red Sox left his wife for the nanny of their twins.
Then again....Johnny Damon is also one of the biggest traitors of Boston, lol!
daycare 05:55 PM 07-17-2014
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
Swear I read something before that said some men look at the caregiver of their children in a romantic way.
Johnny Damon of the Red Sox left his wife for the nanny of their twins.
Then again....Johnny Damon is also one of the biggest traitors of Boston, lol!
hahahahah I hate Johnny Damon... I hate red sox.......... I love love love baseball...Swear I read something before that said some men look at the caregiver of their children in a romantic way.
Johnny Damon of the Red Sox left his wife for the nanny of their twins.
Then again....Johnny Damon is also one of the biggest traitors of Boston, lol!
daycare 06:03 PM 07-17-2014
Maybe you are reading too much into it?
I am a VERY friendly person. I call everyone love, adults included. When I started this business years ago I had a wife pull me aside and TELL me that I am not to address her or or husband by these names. I was very upset and offended, but now looking back, I understand that it was not professional and thought that it came across innocent. I can see now what they must have thought......I feel silly.
I am still very much like this. but people really got to know me first before realizing that this is just who I am. I am not a touchy person, my words don't match my actions. But with words I could kill you and smoother you with kindness in a loving way.
My sometimes hates it when I call his friends love or tell them they look lovely. BUT this is who I am and unless someone told me I was offending them, I would not know, I don't mean to hurt or offend anyone.
If you honestly feel that this man is stepping over boundaries then you need to tell him so. Other wise, you are the one that needs to just ignore it and place yourself in a place that does not allow the awkward closeness.
I don't think that I would say anything, I would just not allow for the awkward space to happen anymore.
I am a VERY friendly person. I call everyone love, adults included. When I started this business years ago I had a wife pull me aside and TELL me that I am not to address her or or husband by these names. I was very upset and offended, but now looking back, I understand that it was not professional and thought that it came across innocent. I can see now what they must have thought......I feel silly.
I am still very much like this. but people really got to know me first before realizing that this is just who I am. I am not a touchy person, my words don't match my actions. But with words I could kill you and smoother you with kindness in a loving way.
My sometimes hates it when I call his friends love or tell them they look lovely. BUT this is who I am and unless someone told me I was offending them, I would not know, I don't mean to hurt or offend anyone.
If you honestly feel that this man is stepping over boundaries then you need to tell him so. Other wise, you are the one that needs to just ignore it and place yourself in a place that does not allow the awkward closeness.
I don't think that I would say anything, I would just not allow for the awkward space to happen anymore.
Papa 06:45 PM 07-17-2014
My wife has been doing daycare for thirty years and I have been helping her sence 2005 I was disabled from work, I do tell some of the moms things like that dress looks great or wow I love what you did with your hair. Now I feel that if you have had a bad day at work and come to pick up your child an get a complement it might make your bad day a little better. I do this with respect for I don't want to afend anyone . But I did have a problem with one dad when I was working else ware, for my wife's b-day one year some of the kids brought her flowers an little gifts but for what ever reason this three year old girl brought my wife a lovely silk nighty with a kind of diamond neckless now I didn't think kindly of the dad so I called him on it, his reply was she picked it out herself and that is what she wanted to get her. He also was one of those goys that was first one to pick up last one to leave. Usually when I pulled in the driveway. But all in all that was the end of him