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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why can't I get over the parent who spends NO time with her child?????
lilcupcakes09 06:26 AM 08-08-2014
It's eating me alive, especially today! DCB NEVER spends a day away from daycare unless I am closed, or he is sick(very rare) also. BTW Mom has called me to ask to pick him up from school on 2 occasions when sick and nurse called, seriously! All my other kids happen to be spending time with family or doing other special things today as school is getting ready to start. So, once again he is my only dck here and guess who is home today.....Mom!!! He says she is staying home cleaning house....oh you mean the same thing I am doing while you are here with me, ALL DAY, because he will not be picked up until closing time either. It absolutely eats me alive everytime she does this, every single time and I can't seem to shake my anger about it, it never gets any easier! I so just want to tell her off about how his childhood is spent here with me as she only sees him an 1 1/2 before bedtime each evening and does nothing special ever with him during the weekends. It blows my mind!!!
Cat Herder 06:54 AM 08-08-2014
I used to resent this too. 
Recently life has handed me some, well 'um issues, that taught me this particular parenting issue is sometimes in the kids best interest. Sometimes what looks like a problem to one can be the only solution for another.
Spending lot's of time with someone is only a good thing when that person is really good for you.
Remember the age old adage: If you can't control it let it go because it must not be up to you, anyway....
Recently life has handed me some, well 'um issues, that taught me this particular parenting issue is sometimes in the kids best interest. Sometimes what looks like a problem to one can be the only solution for another.
Spending lot's of time with someone is only a good thing when that person is really good for you. Remember the age old adage: If you can't control it let it go because it must not be up to you, anyway....
MsLisa 07:08 AM 08-08-2014
I felt this with my Before & After School DCB!
His step-mom would just let him out of her jeep, wait until he got to my porch and drove off. He would come in with clothes that smelled & barely fit. His book bag had a huge hole in it {& never checked}. His dad was never home {work} and his step-mom didn't care. It tore me apart cause this was effecting his behavior and outlook on life. I quickly couldn't stand his parents for letting this all happen. So....I invested everything I had to make his time here with me the best it could possibly be. I gave him love, discipline, and taught him new things. I repaired that hole in his book bag. We went to parks, new places and I even gave him a small stuffed dog that he kept here. By the last month he would accidentally slip and call me Mom instead of Ms Lisa. I didn't mind. He was a good kid. Just in the wrong life.
Its a shame that parents do this. But for as long as she's paying for it, give him all the love he deserves. Its a pain in the butt but he'll look back on it as something positive in his life.
His step-mom would just let him out of her jeep, wait until he got to my porch and drove off. He would come in with clothes that smelled & barely fit. His book bag had a huge hole in it {& never checked}. His dad was never home {work} and his step-mom didn't care. It tore me apart cause this was effecting his behavior and outlook on life. I quickly couldn't stand his parents for letting this all happen. So....I invested everything I had to make his time here with me the best it could possibly be. I gave him love, discipline, and taught him new things. I repaired that hole in his book bag. We went to parks, new places and I even gave him a small stuffed dog that he kept here. By the last month he would accidentally slip and call me Mom instead of Ms Lisa. I didn't mind. He was a good kid. Just in the wrong life.
Its a shame that parents do this. But for as long as she's paying for it, give him all the love he deserves. Its a pain in the butt but he'll look back on it as something positive in his life.
Unregistered 07:12 AM 08-08-2014
I totally understand your frustrations! I once had a DCG whose dad had lost his job. I realized that they still wanted her to come to keep her spot, but she was ALWAYS the first one here and the last one to leave every day. When I had a day off, he would make such a big deal about it, as if it was such an inconvenience to him that he had to spend a day with his daughter!! This went on about 8 months before he got a new job. I ended up having to tell them that they needed to think about a different daycare when he was continuously picking up late because his new job was so far away that he "couldn't make it here on time".
Unregistered 10:03 AM 08-08-2014
I would call dcm right before naptime and say that I, myself, am sick. You need to come pick up asap. When dcm arrived I would do my best pretend sick, really rushing them out, commenting how relieved he is the last one to go and all apologies. Shut and lock the door. Then hide out and enjoy the day.
lilcupcakes09 10:10 AM 08-08-2014
I honestly do feel for the child, I know when he gets home their isn't much interaction with anyone at home. His stepdad doesn't want much to do with him, his dad only sees him one weekend a month, and his mother works late then it's his bedtime so she can have time to herself, then the rotation starts again in the morning. I just don't have much of a connection with him, and I'm not treating him more special than any of my other dcks or my own. It just kills me that anyone can live a life where they don't hardly see their child, it's almost like he is bothersome to all of their lives 
Shell 10:21 AM 08-08-2014
I've come to realize some people aren't cut out to be parents, and although that's not the way I am at all, some people just can't handle being parents. I think for lots of people/ couples, the idea of having a child is great- maybe they think the child will save their relationship, maybe everyone else is having one and they want to keep up appearances. Whatever the reason, the reality isn't as they imagined, and they just can't handle it. Yes, we cook, clean, do laundry while watching 6 kids, and they can't handle one kid. I can't imagine being a parent like this, but I see a lot of this, and it makes me sad for the kids.
Unregistered 11:00 AM 08-08-2014
I have a "friend" (term only loosely applies) who has flat out said she doesn't like to be around her children most of the time. And her husband notes regularly that having kids sucks. That's why the children are in "school" (her word for daycare) year in and year out from open to close. Now that the eldest is actually school-aged, she has complained about spring and winter breaks wearing her out. Her children, while not necessarily the cutest or sweetest things to walk the earth, are not bad--they are actually seriously low maintenance. I think some folks, like PP mentioned, really like the idea of children, or they feel obligated to procreate, but in the end, don't enjoy parenthood and perhaps even hate it.
Poor kid. Maybe it's best for him not to be home.
Poor kid. Maybe it's best for him not to be home.
melilley 11:27 AM 08-08-2014
I know how you feel. I have a child who is here everyday, she was working 3 days a week, and is now not working until Sept. Today is his BIRTHDAY and he is here! Sure, she's "going" to come early to get him after his brother's appt., but we will see. At Christmas the whole family was making cookies at grandmas and dcb was here. Mom and bro. (who is 3) have time together all the time. Dcb is only just 2 today and doesn't know, but still. It really bugs me! ANd to top it off, dcb is always coming in with a dirty face, legs, arms, so that makes it seem like they don't care even more. She even told me that I spend more time with him than her, so if I notice anything (we have some concerns about a medical issue he may have) to tell her....ummmm lady...you are not working right now! Spend time with him! (sorry, I'm done)
I've tried to think like BC and every time I get angry at this dcf, I think of what BC has said in the past (this issue comes up fairly often) and I try to not care , but I can't seem to not care. He is not my own child and if his own parents don't want to spend time with him then I shouldn't care, it's hard not to. But it is there loss.
I've tried to think like BC and every time I get angry at this dcf, I think of what BC has said in the past (this issue comes up fairly often) and I try to not care , but I can't seem to not care. He is not my own child and if his own parents don't want to spend time with him then I shouldn't care, it's hard not to. But it is there loss.
melilley 11:31 AM 08-08-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have a "friend" (term only loosely applies) who has flat out said she doesn't like to be around her children most of the time. And her husband notes regularly that having kids sucks. That's why the children are in "school" (her word for daycare) year in and year out from open to close. Now that the eldest is actually school-aged, she has complained about spring and winter breaks wearing her out. Her children, while not necessarily the cutest or sweetest things to walk the earth, are not bad--they are actually seriously low maintenance. I think some folks, like PP mentioned, really like the idea of children, or they feel obligated to procreate, but in the end, don't enjoy parenthood and perhaps even hate it.
Poor kid. Maybe it's best for him not to be home.
My dcm is like this. She doesn't spend time with my 2 yo dcb and his bro used to come here, but left for preschool, but when he did come here, every time dcb did something wrong, but developmentally appropriate for his age, something is wrong with him or he has gotten into something that must make him act like that. :rolleyes No! He is acting like a 3 yo. And she's always making comments about being stressed out with the kids. She makes it harder on herself.I have a "friend" (term only loosely applies) who has flat out said she doesn't like to be around her children most of the time. And her husband notes regularly that having kids sucks. That's why the children are in "school" (her word for daycare) year in and year out from open to close. Now that the eldest is actually school-aged, she has complained about spring and winter breaks wearing her out. Her children, while not necessarily the cutest or sweetest things to walk the earth, are not bad--they are actually seriously low maintenance. I think some folks, like PP mentioned, really like the idea of children, or they feel obligated to procreate, but in the end, don't enjoy parenthood and perhaps even hate it.
Poor kid. Maybe it's best for him not to be home.
Lynn825 06:14 PM 08-09-2014
I agree with you this is how all my DCP are. I get one week off a year for vacation and other than that they are all here M-F 11-12 hours. The parents get vacation days but take them without the kids. In 5 years I have never had a sick day either. It seems that that is the only type of parent I have ever had so I guess they keep me in business...but it does annoy me.