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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Exhausted all efforts I know for Back Talker!!!!!
lilcupcakes09 06:33 AM 10-02-2014
I need serious help!!!
6 yr old dcb who has serious issues with back talking me and yelling at all the other dcks on a daily basis. I am so stressed out by his actions I can hardly stand waiting for school to start in the mornings. Problem is I care for the whole family, no problems out of any others, just him. I just can't imagine my child EVER thinking of speaking to another adult like this, totally disrespectful! I also know this family outside of daycare, and know that he carries on the same way away from daycare. I have tried time out, exclusion from activities, etc... nothing works. The next day we continue the same problems. While in time out or sitting away from everyone else he constantly disrupts, blurts out loud noises, kicks the walls, picks up things and throws them.
I'm out of ideas.....need them ASAP!!
6 yr old dcb who has serious issues with back talking me and yelling at all the other dcks on a daily basis. I am so stressed out by his actions I can hardly stand waiting for school to start in the mornings. Problem is I care for the whole family, no problems out of any others, just him. I just can't imagine my child EVER thinking of speaking to another adult like this, totally disrespectful! I also know this family outside of daycare, and know that he carries on the same way away from daycare. I have tried time out, exclusion from activities, etc... nothing works. The next day we continue the same problems. While in time out or sitting away from everyone else he constantly disrupts, blurts out loud noises, kicks the walls, picks up things and throws them.
I'm out of ideas.....need them ASAP!!
Blackcat31 06:43 AM 10-02-2014
He carries on the same way outside of daycare but what do his parents do (or not do) about it?
Are they excusers? Where they make up an excuse for his behavior or are they not okay with it and try to stop it?
Do you have a separate space where you can put him so that he cannot see the other kids?
I know you said you care for the whole family but I see no reason why you can't talk with the parents about how disruptive and potentially dangerous his behavior is in your environment. Especially because you care for younger kids.
They have to understand that a part of his behaviors maybe due ot the fact that he has outgrown a child care environment and may need to be in a group of peers only. Does your area have an afterschool program for kids in school?
I've been in the same situation (the child I had is the reason I don't take SA'ers anymore). I had the younger siblings too but mom understood when I explained my environment was just not the right place for her older (And very angry/aggressive) school ager so they agreed to put him in an afterschool program and leave the siblings with me.
Of course the kid got booted from the after school program immediately and I think the parents hired a neighborhood high schooler to care for him. I don't know for sure because I was just glad he was not my problem any more.
Hang in there but don't feel like you ever HAVE to deal with a kid simply because you have the siblings.
Are they excusers? Where they make up an excuse for his behavior or are they not okay with it and try to stop it?
Do you have a separate space where you can put him so that he cannot see the other kids?
I know you said you care for the whole family but I see no reason why you can't talk with the parents about how disruptive and potentially dangerous his behavior is in your environment. Especially because you care for younger kids.
They have to understand that a part of his behaviors maybe due ot the fact that he has outgrown a child care environment and may need to be in a group of peers only. Does your area have an afterschool program for kids in school?
I've been in the same situation (the child I had is the reason I don't take SA'ers anymore). I had the younger siblings too but mom understood when I explained my environment was just not the right place for her older (And very angry/aggressive) school ager so they agreed to put him in an afterschool program and leave the siblings with me.
Of course the kid got booted from the after school program immediately and I think the parents hired a neighborhood high schooler to care for him. I don't know for sure because I was just glad he was not my problem any more.
Hang in there but don't feel like you ever HAVE to deal with a kid simply because you have the siblings.
lilcupcakes09 07:11 AM 10-02-2014
Unfortunately he gets threatened about what will happen, but never any follow throughs while in trouble at home....he knows how to work his parents, crying for no reason, blaming others for everything, etc. I feel like he wouldn't carry on like this if he was in someone elses care.
I also forgot to mention the only time I have a problem with him is when the siblings or other kids are around....if he is playing with my child on non-daycare hours, I don't have any problems whatsoever.
Parents know, we discuss it all the time, it doesn't seem to get very far. It's almost like he could care less if something gets taken away or he has to sit in time out, he knows it will end eventually.
He is a middle child, I have no problems whatsoever with his younger or older siblings following directions, and they certainly don't back talk me, all of my dcks are school agers, except 2 who are toddlers, so my before and after is focused on the older kids playing outside running off steam, playing card games, "older kid" activities, etc.
I almost feel like he is too comfortable here if that makes any sense??
I also forgot to mention the only time I have a problem with him is when the siblings or other kids are around....if he is playing with my child on non-daycare hours, I don't have any problems whatsoever.
Parents know, we discuss it all the time, it doesn't seem to get very far. It's almost like he could care less if something gets taken away or he has to sit in time out, he knows it will end eventually.
He is a middle child, I have no problems whatsoever with his younger or older siblings following directions, and they certainly don't back talk me, all of my dcks are school agers, except 2 who are toddlers, so my before and after is focused on the older kids playing outside running off steam, playing card games, "older kid" activities, etc.
I almost feel like he is too comfortable here if that makes any sense??
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
He carries on the same way outside of daycare but what do his parents do (or not do) about it?
Are they excusers? Where they make up an excuse for his behavior or are they not okay with it and try to stop it?
Do you have a separate space where you can put him so that he cannot see the other kids?
I know you said you care for the whole family but I see no reason why you can't talk with the parents about how disruptive and potentially dangerous his behavior is in your environment. Especially because you care for younger kids.
They have to understand that a part of his behaviors maybe due ot the fact that he has outgrown a child care environment and may need to be in a group of peers only. Does your area have an afterschool program for kids in school?
I've been in the same situation (the child I had is the reason I don't take SA'ers anymore). I had the younger siblings too but mom understood when I explained my environment was just not the right place for her older (And very angry/aggressive) school ager so they agreed to put him in an afterschool program and leave the siblings with me.
Of course the kid got booted from the after school program immediately and I think the parents hired a neighborhood high schooler to care for him. I don't know for sure because I was just glad he was not my problem any more.
Hang in there but don't feel like you ever HAVE to deal with a kid simply because you have the siblings.
He carries on the same way outside of daycare but what do his parents do (or not do) about it?
Are they excusers? Where they make up an excuse for his behavior or are they not okay with it and try to stop it?
Do you have a separate space where you can put him so that he cannot see the other kids?
I know you said you care for the whole family but I see no reason why you can't talk with the parents about how disruptive and potentially dangerous his behavior is in your environment. Especially because you care for younger kids.
They have to understand that a part of his behaviors maybe due ot the fact that he has outgrown a child care environment and may need to be in a group of peers only. Does your area have an afterschool program for kids in school?
I've been in the same situation (the child I had is the reason I don't take SA'ers anymore). I had the younger siblings too but mom understood when I explained my environment was just not the right place for her older (And very angry/aggressive) school ager so they agreed to put him in an afterschool program and leave the siblings with me.
Of course the kid got booted from the after school program immediately and I think the parents hired a neighborhood high schooler to care for him. I don't know for sure because I was just glad he was not my problem any more.
Hang in there but don't feel like you ever HAVE to deal with a kid simply because you have the siblings.
Unregistered 07:36 AM 10-02-2014
If he shows no respect to you I would show him that he needs to earn his play time.
I would give him a rug to sit on and that is where he would stay until his parents came to pick him up.Me and the other kids would be having the best time in the world doing something else.I would give gim ONE chance and explain to him how I expected him to act and that if he talks back he will be on the rug. Then I would follow through,every day until he understood that the only thing you get from backtalk is nothing. Show no emotion.I have a feeling he likes to get your attention and he may be feeding off that.When I talk to an older child and they start to talk back I cut them off with"No! The correct response is yes Miss Becky!" before they can even finish their sentence. They get it pretty quick! Then again,I try to break this attitude way before age 6 so you may have your work cut out for you! Consistency is the key here! Over and over until he knows what you expect from him.
I would give him a rug to sit on and that is where he would stay until his parents came to pick him up.Me and the other kids would be having the best time in the world doing something else.I would give gim ONE chance and explain to him how I expected him to act and that if he talks back he will be on the rug. Then I would follow through,every day until he understood that the only thing you get from backtalk is nothing. Show no emotion.I have a feeling he likes to get your attention and he may be feeding off that.When I talk to an older child and they start to talk back I cut them off with"No! The correct response is yes Miss Becky!" before they can even finish their sentence. They get it pretty quick! Then again,I try to break this attitude way before age 6 so you may have your work cut out for you! Consistency is the key here! Over and over until he knows what you expect from him.
Leigh 08:27 AM 10-02-2014
I would try removing all of his privileges and having him earn them back with good behavior. Have him stay with you constantly (arm's length-no more) and tell him that every day of good behavior will earn him one of his privileges back.
AmyKidsCo 09:07 AM 10-02-2014
I'd disengage, depending on what he's saying. I'd try "you're welcome to talk that way (name place) where we don't have to hear it." Or "I only talk to chasten who are sweet" then walk away. The less rise he gets out of you the less fun it is for him. Check out Love & Ligic for some techniques.
Controlled Chaos 03:32 PM 10-02-2014
I love "love and logic" 