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Old 02-15-2012, 09:18 AM
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Default Arriving Early For Pick Up BUT............

I have a family that is some what new. Been here a few months.
Lately, the DCP will show up early to pick up the child an hour or so early, but then all of a sudden next thing I know the kid has made his way to my kitchen and is getting himself something to eat or demanding a drink.

I let it happen once before by mistake and when it attempted to happen again last week, I cut it off immediately. I tell the child sorry, snack time was 45 min ago, the kitchen is closed, you need to go home now. Oh btw, I have a NO shoe policy and he had his shoes on full of sand dumping sand all over my entire house. I then tell him, you need to get your shoes off in the house please.

As soon as my words leave my mouth, the child throws himself down kicking and screaming. AND here is where it gets ugly. Mom gets down on her knees and says oh no, are you ok, awe poor baby. Looks up at me and says can you please get him a snack??????????

REALLY???? I have never dealt with a child like this or a parent like this. I tend to be a push over at times, but then when I get fed up, I tend to take it too far. When this happened, I said loudly and clearly, it's time for you to go home. BUT then mom says oh well, you don't close for another hour.......


HOw many buttons are they going to push on me in one day???

I know some of you have had to deal with parents and children like this...Please please please help me before I lose it......lol

Oh and thank you in advance for your thoughts, opinion and advice...
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:35 AM
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There's not much you can do aside from saying something to her. I had a very similar situation. Mom would bring her 15 month old son LATE, HUNGRY & THIRSTY. Um...you're late...it's 11:00...he hasn't eaten or been given a cup???

I'm one of the lucky ones...my daycare is located on the second floor of my home in a dedicated space, so it's only common sense that if you miss a meal...it would be LUNACY for me to drag every other kid downstairs to feed your kid who is LATE. I did it the first time because he's a baby & there's no way I'd let him go hungry or thirsty BUT I told her clearly & concisely that if they arrive after 9AM, she needs to have him fed, dressed & ready for the day. She got miffed because I wouldn't let her go into my fridge to make him a cup. She also wanted me to fill up a HUGE cup of milk for their drive home every day. UM NO!!!

You're gonna have to say something. You can be nice about it but be clear & firm. "Ok, I'll grab him a snack this time but if you arrive after 9AM would you please be sure to have him fed & ready to participate because it really upsets him AND our routine with the other kids to stop out & feed him AFTER our mealtime." After that, head straight to your contract & include it there!!!
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:46 AM
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There's not much you can do aside from saying something to her. I had a very similar situation. Mom would bring her 15 month old son LATE, HUNGRY & THIRSTY. Um...you're late...it's 11:00...he hasn't eaten or been given a cup???

I'm one of the lucky ones...my daycare is located on the second floor of my home in a dedicated space, so it's only common sense that if you miss a meal...it would be LUNACY for me to drag every other kid downstairs to feed your kid who is LATE. I did it the first time because he's a baby & there's no way I'd let him go hungry or thirsty BUT I told her clearly & concisely that if they arrive after 9AM, she needs to have him fed, dressed & ready for the day. She got miffed because I wouldn't let her go into my fridge to make him a cup. She also wanted me to fill up a HUGE cup of milk for their drive home every day. UM NO!!!

You're gonna have to say something. You can be nice about it but be clear & firm. "Ok, I'll grab him a snack this time but if you arrive after 9AM would you please be sure to have him fed & ready to participate because it really upsets him AND our routine with the other kids to stop out & feed him AFTER our mealtime." After that, head straight to your contract & include it there!!!
I did say something, guess I said the wrong things that it didn't get through to the mom. BTW the family is doing this at pick up, not at drop off. Which makes it hard, because they are the only ones here, I don't have other kids to watch and they are early.

Thanks for responding
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:47 AM
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It sounds to me like you work for some really disrespectful families.

I would send home an outline of your day highlighting when snack time is.

And if she asks again, "No, you don't get anymore snacks. You had snack 45 minutes ago and I'm sure mommy is going home to cook you dinner, now Goodbye!"

If DCM has an issue with it, tell her she can supply snack to him in the car on the way home. Tell her they make snack size Teddy Grahams, cheese and crackers, cookie pouches, pretzels, etc and the local Piggly Wiggly carries them all.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:51 AM
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It sounds to me like you work for some really disrespectful families.

I would send home an outline of your day highlighting when snack time is.

And if she asks again, "No, you don't get anymore snacks. You had snack 45 minutes ago and I'm sure mommy is going home to cook you dinner, now Goodbye!"

If DCM has an issue with it, tell her she can supply snack to him in the car on the way home. Tell her they make snack size Teddy Grahams, cheese and crackers, cookie pouches, pretzels, etc and the local Piggly Wiggly carries them all.
lol sorry I am laughing at your part of your post "piggly wiggly"???? I am assuming that is some kind of a quick mart?

The thing is that I did mention it to the mom and she just does not get it. I am starting to think that maybe I need another gate. One that when the parents arrive will not allow the child to go back into the rest of my house...

This child walks all over mom and it seems like mom is the voice of reason for the child for all of the wrong reason..

Really, the mom is very nice, just clueless.
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:13 AM
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I did say something, guess I said the wrong things that it didn't get through to the mom. BTW the family is doing this at pick up, not at drop off. Which makes it hard, because they are the only ones here, I don't have other kids to watch and they are early.

Thanks for responding
Oh, gotcha! Then SHE needs to provide a snack from the car. "Um Mom...would you mind having a snack ready for him when you arrive in the evenings? It would make things a lot easier & keep him from running through the house when I KNOW you want to get home & rest from your long day at work!"

If she's clueless then a gate is definitely the way to go. OR if you can look out the window & catch her coming, I'd have his coat on, daily report in hand & help him along out the door. BUH...BYE!!!
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:19 AM
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Do you use the food program? Could you say that the food program does not allow you to give another snack?
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:19 AM
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Wait a minute.....back the daycare van up.

They are the last family there each night, and had the nerve to tell you "well, you are open for another hour."

So for the last hour you are to entertain them and their shananigans?!

Oh hecks no.

Seriously, he would have his stuff on and be waiting at the door.

I'm not one to push people out, but after this incident, I would.
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:21 AM
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Yes, this is what I need to do. Now that I think about it, I do recall the mom saying that she had a special drink for him in the car, but I think it was more of a power struggle than anything. I think maybe he wanted to see if mom could get me to do it because I said NO.

I am going to tell mom today,bring him a snack for the 1-2 min car ride home. Ugh this just drives me nuts....
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:26 AM
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Wait a minute.....back the daycare van up. lmao you are too funny!!!
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:38 AM
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Wait a minute.....back the daycare van up. lmao you are too funny!!!
I'm sorry.....lol...thats just a stupid saying I have when I can't swear during the day...if you know what I mean

Seriously, I'm not one to push them out at night. Many times my families stay and chat for a few minutes, sometimes even with each other. (theyre aLL friends...small town living. )

But in this case, I would'nt even say anything about food again.

I would just say that pick ups and drop offs need to be quicker.

Have him ready...or almost ready, and try to stop her at the door. Can you position yourself so they can;t get past you?

...and I would be SURE to remind precious of your rules in front of mom. He is totally testing you and he needs to know you're still in charge.
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:53 AM
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Wait a minute.....back the daycare van up.

They are the last family there each night, and had the nerve to tell you "well, you are open for another hour."

So for the last hour you are to entertain them and their shananigans?!

Oh hecks no.

Seriously, he would have his stuff on and be waiting at the door.

I'm not one to push people out, but after this incident, I would.

Too funny.
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:59 AM
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Oh, gotcha! Then SHE needs to provide a snack from the car. "Um Mom...would you mind having a snack ready for him when you arrive in the evenings? It would make things a lot easier & keep him from running through the house when I KNOW you want to get home & rest from your long day at work!"

If she's clueless then a gate is definitely the way to go. OR if you can look out the window & catch her coming, I'd have his coat on, daily report in hand & help him along out the door. BUH...BYE!!!
I like this. Hopefully it will work for you.
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:07 AM
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Another alternative would be to tell this mom that your rates include only one afternoon snack per day. If she wants you to supply an extra snack, it will be an extra $5 per day. Basically you are calling her bluff. If she wants the extra snack THAT bad, she will have to be willing to pay for it. Money talks! She'll back down right away, I'm sure of it.
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:08 AM
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Wait a minute.....back the daycare van up.

They are the last family there each night, and had the nerve to tell you "well, you are open for another hour."

So for the last hour you are to entertain them and their shananigans?!

Oh hecks no.

Seriously, he would have his stuff on and be waiting at the door.

I'm not one to push people out, but after this incident, I would.
They are the last family to pick up. You should have said something right away....uh no I am not open another hour, you are here and I am done for the day, your the last pick up. I probably would have been taken back by this and lost for words in the moment too.

As far as the snack goes, tell the mom, no I do not do snacks at all hours of the day. We have a scheduled snack time and he has had a snack. She is not going to like it- oh well. I can understand a quick drink of water but no more then that. Kitchen is closed. If he is having a melt down try explaining to her the changing of the guards and how it makes it very hard for both of you, because he is testing who is in control- and ultimately hoping it is him. Explain drop off and pick up have to be quick, under five minutes and if she wants to come and visit to give you a call, because you are not allowed to have visitors at all times during the day (we are not per licensing) If after you have been nice, explained, and she is still insisting, give her short answers like you would a child. Can you get him a snack? No.

When the kids parents come in to pick up, I change over to them being in charge unless, they don't do their job. Still my home. He wants to have a fit, let him, walk away and busy yourself with small work, she doesn't get the hint, escort them out, saying time to go now-

I have a parent that likes to talk, last pick up.( I like to talk with her too) but my kiddo acts up, gets to go into areas he normally doesn't play in so acts up more, climbs on my bench, runs through my kitchen, something I don't let him do. She takes forever to leave. I enjoy chatting with her until it becomes lets say goodbye to the "pick your item" fifty million times and fifty million byes to me because he is so cute..........and he is, but.....I am ready to be done! I just want to go sit on the charging deck and recharge for the next day. I still have last minute tidying up and close down things to do. I too have this child's coat on and ready to go- it doesn't seem to matter. I wonder if a gate would be the answer- my issue would be having the parent open it, and the kids playing with it. I agree with making a big deal at interviews about your arriving and departure policies. One other idea is to send out a monthly newsletter and reiterate your rules.

Its very hard when you have nicely talked with the parents and they must have the blinds down in the ears because they just do what they want. It doesn't bother them so they don't feel like they are bothering you.

Be strong- Best-
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:18 AM
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SHOW MOM HOW TO PARENT

Jonathon Michael! Get up off that floor and stop your ugly attitude! you don't act that way when moms working, you won't do it with her here.

Then to mom, no I'm sorry. I do not reward bad behavior with food or attention. Now would you like me to put him in time out for his tantrum or are you carrying him to the car?
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:21 AM
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SHOW MOM HOW TO PARENT

Jonathon Michael! Get up off that floor and stop your ugly attitude! you don't act that way when moms working, you won't do it with her here.

Then to mom, no I'm sorry. I do not reward bad behavior with food or attention. Now would you like me to put him in time out for his tantrum or are you carrying him to the car?
where's the love button?! oh there it is!

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Old 02-15-2012, 11:40 AM
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where's the love button?! oh there it is!

OMG can you come over...... I am too much of a wuss to say something so great like this
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:51 AM
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I put in a gate after a similar situation happened to me a few years ago -- 3yo dcg running all over my house screaming bloody murder while mom watched . Now I let the child through the gate and lock it behind them. If they throw a fit about something, I turn around and walk away. When mom or dad is here, I'm off the clock

I also find that if I'm not standing right there watching them parent (like if I've wandered back into the kitchen out of sight, but not out of earshot), they are much more likely to be firm and direct with their child .
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Old 02-15-2012, 12:06 PM
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I put in a gate after a similar situation happened to me a few years ago -- 3yo dcg running all over my house screaming bloody murder while mom watched . Now I let the child through the gate and lock it behind them. If they throw a fit about something, I turn around and walk away. When mom or dad is here, I'm off the clock

I also find that if I'm not standing right there watching them parent (like if I've wandered back into the kitchen out of sight, but not out of earshot), they are much more likely to be firm and direct with their child .
yes that is a good point. parents do seem to take more control when i am out of sight. they also leave quicker. I think that maybe I need to stop chatting with the mom and when she tires to chat it up tell her that if she wants to talk to call me later or during the nap time the next day.

thanks for pointing that out. I am going to have to practice this more with this family...
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Old 02-15-2012, 12:08 PM
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First of all.... just to make double check and offer another perspective... does this family have a food insecurity (trouble affording food at home). If so, you may want to think differently about how you address the situation.

Otherwise....
I agree with pp about charging her. The only time I send a kid with a meal/snack is if the parent comes to pick the child up at PM snack time. Since I am on the food program, I will ask the parent if they want me to pack something up that is car friendly.... but this is only one family that does this and I family.

I have set meal times. Sometimes the kids say they aren't hungry and don't want to eat. I remind them that this is meal time (usually happens at PM snack) and if they don't eat now, they may have water later, but need to wait until they go home to eat. Some kids will tell me later that they are hungry (usually my afterschool kids) and I will remind them of the rules. I would suggest doing this with the kid (enforcing the snack times) and then when he wants food at pick-up you can be the enforcer. When the mom insists on giving him a snack, tell her AND child: "Little Joey knows that snack time is over and if he wants something to eat he can get it at home. Little Joey... get ready to go really quick so you can go home and eat!"
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Old 02-15-2012, 12:22 PM
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First of all.... just to make double check and offer another perspective... does this family have a food insecurity (trouble affording food at home). If so, you may want to think differently about how you address the situation.

Otherwise....
I agree with pp about charging her. The only time I send a kid with a meal/snack is if the parent comes to pick the child up at PM snack time. Since I am on the food program, I will ask the parent if they want me to pack something up that is car friendly.... but this is only one family that does this and I family.

I have set meal times. Sometimes the kids say they aren't hungry and don't want to eat. I remind them that this is meal time (usually happens at PM snack) and if they don't eat now, they may have water later, but need to wait until they go home to eat. Some kids will tell me later that they are hungry (usually my afterschool kids) and I will remind them of the rules. I would suggest doing this with the kid (enforcing the snack times) and then when he wants food at pick-up you can be the enforcer. When the mom insists on giving him a snack, tell her AND child: "Little Joey knows that snack time is over and if he wants something to eat he can get it at home. Little Joey... get ready to go really quick so you can go home and eat!"
thanks for responding. NO, this family does not have money issues, i can reassure you of that.

I also never pack any food to go. A child eating in the car is not something that I want to contribute to. What if the child chokes while DCP is driving? Maybe I am a worry wart, but I like to reduce the probability of anything coming back on me, so no food to go. EVER.

And yes, you are right, I need to be the enforcer and speak up. I will be certain to remind them that they can eat at home..

Thank you all for all of the ammo. I need words, but what i think I really need is to cut them off from the start by not letting the child get back into my home area.

I need a better pick up routine.

1. have child ready to go if possible
2. when DCP knocks on the door, let them in grab child from DCroom and help them to their parent.
3. I am going to start walking away. I will tend to something else.
4. Send home more reports in writing so I dont have to chit chat. Or I can call mom later if it is that big of a deal.

Ugh... I said it, now I have to do it. I already know this, but when it comes time for me to do it, for some reason I cave in.....
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Old 02-15-2012, 12:25 PM
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My dck's often think it is funny to run the other way when thier parent comes to pick up. Or they just don't want to go. I am always ready to scoop them up and take them to the door where their bag and coat is waiting. The parents always stay at the door cuz they have thier shoes on and are very polite not to walk more into the house with thier shoes one. Mine are all pretty light except the oldest one but he is the one who is always very happy to see mom.
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Old 02-15-2012, 12:28 PM
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My dck's often think it is funny to run the other way when thier parent comes to pick up. Or they just don't want to go. I am always ready to scoop them up and take them to the door where their bag and coat is waiting. The parents always stay at the door cuz they have thier shoes on and are very polite not to walk more into the house with thier shoes one. Mine are all pretty light except the oldest one but he is the one who is always very happy to see mom.
yes, this is the same exact thing here. no shoes on the carpet, so the parents stay at the entry way.

Also, all of the kids try to run and hide when someone knocks on teh door. It used to be that they would all run to the door, but now they hide and don't want to go home. I had one little girl hold on to my leg and scream cry she didnt want to leave. It made the mom cry....I felt bad....
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Old 02-15-2012, 12:58 PM
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Time for nannyde's buh bye outside!!!

I would be telling mum that she needs to call when she is on her way and get the child ready to go and hand off at the door!
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:10 PM
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lol sorry I am laughing at your part of your post "piggly wiggly"???? I am assuming that is some kind of a quick mart?

The thing is that I did mention it to the mom and she just does not get it. I am starting to think that maybe I need another gate. One that when the parents arrive will not allow the child to go back into the rest of my house...

This child walks all over mom and it seems like mom is the voice of reason for the child for all of the wrong reason..

Really, the mom is very nice, just clueless.
Piggly Wiggly...or hoggly woggly as I like to call it is a grocery store lol...They have shirts with their logo Pig on them that say "Big on the Pig" haha
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:52 PM
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Piggly Wiggly...or hoggly woggly as I like to call it is a grocery store lol...They have shirts with their logo Pig on them that say "Big on the Pig" haha
lol that sounds super funny.....
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Old 02-15-2012, 06:12 PM
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SHOW MOM HOW TO PARENT

Jonathon Michael! Get up off that floor and stop your ugly attitude! you don't act that way when moms working, you won't do it with her here.

Then to mom, no I'm sorry. I do not reward bad behavior with food or attention. Now would you like me to put him in time out for his tantrum or are you carrying him to the car?
love this!

I've said similar before. The mom thanked me.
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Old 02-15-2012, 06:16 PM
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I have a family that is some what new. Been here a few months.
Lately, the DCP will show up early to pick up the child an hour or so early, but then all of a sudden next thing I know the kid has made his way to my kitchen and is getting himself something to eat or demanding a drink.

I let it happen once before by mistake and when it attempted to happen again last week, I cut it off immediately. I tell the child sorry, snack time was 45 min ago, the kitchen is closed, you need to go home now. Oh btw, I have a NO shoe policy and he had his shoes on full of sand dumping sand all over my entire house. I then tell him, you need to get your shoes off in the house please.

As soon as my words leave my mouth, the child throws himself down kicking and screaming. AND here is where it gets ugly. Mom gets down on her knees and says oh no, are you ok, awe poor baby. Looks up at me and says can you please get him a snack??????????

REALLY???? I have never dealt with a child like this or a parent like this. I tend to be a push over at times, but then when I get fed up, I tend to take it too far. When this happened, I said loudly and clearly, it's time for you to go home. BUT then mom says oh well, you don't close for another hour.......


HOw many buttons are they going to push on me in one day???

I know some of you have had to deal with parents and children like this...Please please please help me before I lose it......lol

Oh and thank you in advance for your thoughts, opinion and advice...
I had a similar problem a couple months back. Maybe this thread will help.

http://http://daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39100

Last edited by Hunni Bee; 02-15-2012 at 06:18 PM. Reason: link didnt work
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Old 02-15-2012, 07:18 PM
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No one goes off of the rug by the front door with shoes on, no one!

Next time the child does the snack thing say: "But mommy wants to take you to McDonalds".
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Old 02-15-2012, 08:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DBug View Post

I also find that if I'm not standing right there watching them parent (like if I've wandered back into the kitchen out of sight, but not out of earshot), they are much more likely to be firm and direct with their child .
Yes! It's kind of an awkward situation for both of us... the parents and the provider. WE want to straighten up the kid's attitude the same way we would if mom was not there, but we hold back because we don't want to look "mean". And I feel like mom holds back for the same reason.

I say that because I have a girl who just turned 2. She's only been coming about 5 months. All of a sudden, she started this new thing where when Mom comes in the door, she says hi, then runs down the hall, or around the living room, or over to the toys, or whatever. She tries to run away from us and thinks this is a fun game. I correct her, but in a sweeter voice than I would if Mom wasn't there (if ya know what I mean ) but the girl doesn't listen. It's like they know they don't have to listen to us when Mom is there! And I feel like Mom wants to yell at the girl, but keeps her voice sweet because she doesn't want me to think she's mean. LOL. It's a standoff! I usually end up picking up the girl and saying something silly like "are we going through the terrible twos already?" The whole time, the girl is squirming and trying to get down. Ugh. If I had cahones, I would just sternly correct the girl and tell her whatever I would tell her if Mom were NOT there. But I'm sure Mom is embarrassed at the girl's behavior, and wishes she could paddle her behind like she probably would at home. LOL
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changing of the guard, early pick up, enforcing policies - consistency

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