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  #1  
Old 02-16-2016, 12:25 PM
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BarefootGoddess BarefootGoddess is offline
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Default High Maintenance Toddler?

I'm struggling here! I have a 13 month old little boy, that I have had in my care since he was an infant. He is an only child and the parents hover over him non stop!
He's now over one, on whole milk, regular food, etc.. He's been through all of the different foods since he's basically been on table foods since he was 9 months.
For the last month or longer, if he doesn't like what he is served at any meal he will sit and SCREAM at the top of his lungs! He is very picky. I don't want him to be in the habit of having a screaming fit and getting what he wants. Yes, he is only 1 and it is somewhat normal, but this is exactly what his parents to. If he doesn't like something, they make him something new. Which - fine - it's their thing, it's there house.. I have tried to explain to them that it makes it really hard here, that I'm also feeding 8 other DCC and I'm not a short order cook. I can't make separate meals for every child just because they may not like something on the plate.
Not only is he high maintenance with meals, it's with play as well. He's never been able to play on his own and requires me to be right there at all times giving him toys.
He also doesn't walk, due to them carrying him all the time!
It's wearing on me. I either need a polite way of telling them to give their child some space, or I need to let them go.
I don't think in my 10 years of doing child care I have every been so stressed over a family/baby before.
What would any of you do in this situation?
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Old 02-16-2016, 01:24 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BarefootGoddess View Post
I'm struggling here! I have a 13 month old little boy, that I have had in my care since he was an infant. He is an only child and the parents hover over him non stop!
He's now over one, on whole milk, regular food, etc.. He's been through all of the different foods since he's basically been on table foods since he was 9 months.
For the last month or longer, if he doesn't like what he is served at any meal he will sit and SCREAM at the top of his lungs! He is very picky. I don't want him to be in the habit of having a screaming fit and getting what he wants. Yes, he is only 1 and it is somewhat normal, but this is exactly what his parents to. If he doesn't like something, they make him something new. Which - fine - it's their thing, it's there house.. I have tried to explain to them that it makes it really hard here, that I'm also feeding 8 other DCC and I'm not a short order cook. I can't make separate meals for every child just because they may not like something on the plate.
Not only is he high maintenance with meals, it's with play as well. He's never been able to play on his own and requires me to be right there at all times giving him toys.
He also doesn't walk, due to them carrying him all the time!
It's wearing on me. I either need a polite way of telling them to give their child some space, or I need to let them go.
I don't think in my 10 years of doing child care I have every been so stressed over a family/baby before.
What would any of you do in this situation?
What would I do? Personally, I'd stop catering to him.
I'd prepare and serve lunch. Id he chooses to protest/scream then I would remove him from the table. He is telling you he is not hungry. I would have him go straight away to nap time. Screaming or not.

For play, I would provide him with toys/activities and would be saying "Go play" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...... I would eventually say "Go!"

Not walking? Leave him where he sits/stands then. Don't move him unless you absolutely need to.


Now of course, its going to get worse before it gets better but that's usually par for the course unfortunately.

Make sure you point out how nicely others are playing and eating etc so that he begins to understand what it is you want him to be doing. As for meals, if he is going home daily he is obviously not going to starve to death but I wouldn't cave and would continue to serve. He gets to choose to eat or not, that is it.

Also, if you really do feel like this family will not change and will be a constant battle against what you are doing then I would honestly consider terming simple because it IS hard for a kid to have one set of rules at home and another at daycare and although most can/do figure it out, its extremely hard if the set of rules are vastly different.
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Old 02-16-2016, 01:25 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Oh, ad welcome to the forum!!
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Old 02-16-2016, 01:32 PM
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BarefootGoddess BarefootGoddess is offline
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Oh, ad welcome to the forum!!
Thanks! I've been here before, but could not find my login or email I used, so I created a new one! It has been a super long time since I've been here!

I'm going to attempt to speak with the mom again this evening. If she still feels as if I should be making him something different at every meal, then I will give her the option to leave and just tell her it's not a good fit anymore.

It stinks that ONE child can sometimes just make a good day blah!
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Old 02-16-2016, 02:19 PM
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NoMoreJuice! NoMoreJuice! is offline
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I have this little guy, except mine is 20 months. He's a tyrant, demands cookies or he won't get in the car, has giant soul-shaking screaming fits when he doesn't get his way (which is all the time here and never at home, haha). I've had him for 2 months now, and he's SO MUCH better than when he started. Everything Blackcat suggested is right. Screaming at lunch=straight to bed with no second chances. Saying "Go Play" and walking away from him consistently will force him to be independent, and he will definitely walk when he finds it necessary. The parents will stare at you blankly if you try to get them to change their habits, or they'll lie to your face and tell you they will, but absolutely nothing will change at home. The only chance for peace you have is to get very tough and be very consistent. I can't actually stress the consistency enough, it is the key.

It DOES get much better eventually. Good luck!!
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Old 02-17-2016, 08:57 AM
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Kimskiddos Kimskiddos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice! View Post
I have this little guy, except mine is 20 months. He's a tyrant, demands cookies or he won't get in the car, has giant soul-shaking screaming fits when he doesn't get his way (which is all the time here and never at home, haha). I've had him for 2 months now, and he's SO MUCH better than when he started. Everything Blackcat suggested is right. Screaming at lunch=straight to bed with no second chances. Saying "Go Play" and walking away from him consistently will force him to be independent, and he will definitely walk when he finds it necessary. The parents will stare at you blankly if you try to get them to change their habits, or they'll lie to your face and tell you they will, but absolutely nothing will change at home. The only chance for peace you have is to get very tough and be very consistent. I can't actually stress the consistency enough, it is the key.

It DOES get much better eventually. Good luck!!
I too have this dc child, she is also 20m. The first few weeks I was unsure I would keep her (she started right at 12m). By doing pretty much what BC said has worked miracles. She is a fun and easy going kiddo now. Well with a few quirks that I swear dcm taught/conditioned into her!

Talking with DCMom got me no where! Dcg was a bear the first week after Christmas break (was out for nearly 2 weeks), then all good again.

I believe most can adapt to behaving differently at day care and home. It just takes consistency. Good luck!
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