I know everyone says term a biter but I have had him since he was 8 weeks old. What if it was your own child? You couldn't get rid of him/her. There has to be a way to figure this out without terming. Any ideas????

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Yes, I have, and successfully.

I've had a few, actually, who've bitten at 18 months or so. We worked through it. One is still here, and is probably my favorite child (shhhh....).

The biggest key for me was to observe and find out WHY they are biting. In my dcg's case, she was actually defending herself. The other child (always the same one) was very bold; always in everyone's space. DKG just figured out the best way to get him away. Not socially acceptable, but very effective!

Here's a good resource:

http://www.zerotothree.org/child-dev...on-biting.html

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I've never had a bitter before but if I did and they were an issue such as yours I would have no choice but to term.

Sorry I wish I had a better answer.

Btw how many kids do u have

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Only 2 at the moment.

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Are the parents on board with fixing the issue? If they weren't I wouldn't even consider keeping the biter at this age. If they were, I would want a written plan with them about how it was going to be dealt with, so if it doesn't change you will not feel so bad about terming later.

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Yep.

Stay on top of them like white on rice.
I would intervene anytime they were in action.
“No bite.” Firm and calming.

Over
and
over
and
over.

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He was a big biter at the age of 2 1/2 and we worked really hard on it and it stopped. Then today, out of nowhere he bit again. Today, he knew he was in trouble as soon as he did it. His mom and dad are on top of it too. We talk and are consistent with each other and how to handle it.

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Totally agree with this! I've had biters in the past and I've never observed a bite that wasn't provoked (at least in the biter's mind). The trick is to find out why they are frustrated and try to avoid those triggers. Most of the time it's because someone took "their" toy or got in "their" way.

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I have found biters to bite due to communication problems...failing to handle their emotions or difficulty with words. I have also seen kids that just bite to bite. There are multiple reasons. Personally, I shadow biters if I have any. Many times the environment set up can help. Take notes on when/what/where the biting takes place. Biting can be nipped, it just takes some time. Make the biter a pocket-buddy. Put their hand in your pocket and have them follow you EVERYWHERE! They will NOT like it and realize their behavior reaps poor consequences!

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oh..this is the 3 year old...

Ok..well, that's not a toddler.

Still, I can see more of the picture now. I didn't realize you only have two daycare kids, and one is biting the other. Eeeshh...

I know how hard it is, believe me. It was sometimes a month between bites, so just when you let your guard down...bam!

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Yes. Biting is a phase, not a permanent characteristic. I stayed on him constantly, watched for the triggers, kept a log with dates and times of day when it happened, who was here that day, was he hungry/sleepy at the time, etc, etc. And I figured it out and was able to put a stop to it. I had to "refresh" the other parents memories on my biting policy because, of course, everyone thought he should be let go. But I explained to them that biting is the exact same thing as hitting/pushing. Except it leaves a mark. That's the big difference. Parents don't want to see any physical evidence. And I reminded them that it's entirely possible that their own child could go thru a biting phase in the future and I was sure they would want the same consideration for him/her.

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I just used that phrase on another board and was replied to with a "" and a "what does that mean?"

I thought it was a common phrase but then second guessed myself and now here you post the same thing!


OP~ Yes, I too have kept a biter and didn't term.

I kept him because the parents were trying to do anything and everything at the same time as I was to curb the behavior.

Lucky for me my biter got bit back by a peer (same age) and after weeks of biting others he stopped immediately after being a victim himself.

While I personally think that works sometimes, I do NOT believe it works if an adult bites back just to "teach a lesson" because that is the same as saying "no hit" and then spanking them.

Most the time biting is a difficult thing to work through because honestly the child just has to grown out of. The child usually bites due to frustrations in regards to being able to express themselves and their needs/wants and as soon as they are able to do that successfully in other ways the biting stops.

Many will say biting is normal. It is not normal but it is common.

There are lots of things you can do to curb it and IF the parents are trying hard too and you think you can manage it (without other parents getting upset) it is worth a try so you can keep the child.

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I have two great kids from two great families who both went through short biting phases. I didn't consider terming. I termed another biter on the first bite-he had a history of aggressive and violent behavior and the bite was the final straw (he was also FOUR. Any kid that age who bites knows better).

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If I were determined to keep the child, he would become my shadow for awhile. Although he did bite you, so beware!

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Yes. What worked was a combination of keeping a vigilant eye and stopping it before it happened, teaching words to use instead, figuring out when/why it happened, and teaching the other kids better ways to communicate with him. Good luck. It's so awful to have to say to a parent "your child was bitten today" (or worse, "your child was bitten again....").

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In my experience at this age it is bullying behavior and they target one or two specific children. is this the case or does he bite anyone and everyone? If he does single out kids to bite I wouldn't allow them to interact unless closely supervised and I'd get to the bottom of why he was biting. at this age however it is a learned behavior. he is getting something out of it...like his own way....or intimidating others which needs to stop. (OK just read your second post and it is definitely bullying behavior).

I am lucky in that I have never had a biter in my home care but dealt with two at the centers where I used to work. Contrary to popular belief it is not very common even in toddlers so this behavior at his age is very unique and I would say it is a big problem. What consequences are you practicing?

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We have done everything...from removing and redirecting, time outs, apologizing, more attention on the other child, shadowing, talking to him on his level not playing with the other child. His parents are working on the same as I do. He losing things at home.
We went through a long phase of this and had it under control until today. It hasn't happened in about 3 months now.
I feel horrible that the 5 year old is the only one here and he gets the brunt of it all. I just had the meeting with his parents over some kind of method of protecting himself. They were telling him to push back but the problem is we don't know when it happens and pushing doesn't help the matter. It only makes it worse and I don't want pushing here anyway. I told them everything I do and they accused (not right outright) me of not watching them and not treating them the same because of this whole situation. I have to figure this out soon!

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I'm thinking if it was a younger kid I would try separating from the rest of the group for a while, but a 3yr old, I'm not sure I would even want to cause if I'm remembering correctly there are other issues (?)
In the end, there is no right or wrong, you need to do, what works for you!

So sorry you're going through this

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Maybe he's bored? With just the 2 kids to play with each other, and if they don't like each other...that could be his frustration? Just guessing since I don't know the kids.

Try rearranging a few things in the room, just to change things up. Add in a few new toys to spark his interest and keep him occupied.

You could also designate where they play and when. One goes to the kitchen center while the other colors, etc. This way they aren't in close range for biting.

Maybe something has changed at home that you are unaware of?

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I had a dcb who was a very physical child from day 1. He started here at around 4 months old and always lashed out in one form or another. Trouble was I loved him, his older sister and his whole family to pieces. He seemed to have it in for 1 dcg in particular. I don't recall him biting anyone else but he always went after her. I felt terrible about it, had several talks with both dcfs. It would stop, then start again, stop, then back up. Finally, dcg's family pulled their dd. I told them I completely understood and I would do the same if I were them. Dcd even told me I should term the biter because word would get around and I wouldn't be able to find any families.

I just didn't want to give up on dcb. After his favorite target left, I don't recall him biting other kids. So it was the dynamics between the 2. To this day, whenever I see him and his family, his eyes light up, I get the best hugs from him. He's still physical but more mature now so handles himself much differently. He's turning 8 this summer and is a real gem.

I cannot offer anything that hasn't already been mentioned but I wish you the best of luck with your biter. If you feel he's worth keeping(basically great kid with great parents), definitely put the work in.

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Mine was the biter. My niece was the victim. The only one. She was also at fault, she was a bully and my kid was defending herself. I'm not condoning the behavior, in fact I tried to stop it and did many times. If the biter is smaller than the victims, you probably have a bulldozing situation to fix at the same time.

You can't bite back, but it truly is the fastest way that works. I didn't have to, I took my daughter away from care where her cousin was ad it stopped.

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Josiegirl, I am in the same situation. I love this family. Have known them for years now but I do not treat the other kids differently. Did you ever tell the parents that they would need to keep him home if he did it again. I just found out tonight that he bit yet again today right before the 5 year old went home. I am in the midst of conversing with each family. I am so frustrated and have already been accused of treating the boys different from the 5 year olds mother.

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I've had about 3 biters over 20 years and kept them all. One was my grandson.

You just need to keep on them and separate them when you can't be right there by them. For example, I might put the biter in a high chair or put him on the other side of the baby fence (warning: they do meet at the fence and bite sometimes, ugh) so they won't be around others at certain times.

It IS very stressful but they do stop eventually. Also, it is usually just one child that they tend to bite at least in my case. I have the bitee wear long sleeves and pants so the pain, if they get biten, is reduced.

Laurel

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I never made them keep him home. Maybe I should have but I figured what good would it do? There would always be tomorrow, the parents and I were already working with him, and I really think it was just something about this particular dcg that set him off. But I was never accused of treating anybody differently. That would most likely upset me. They think you're favoring one?
Biting is one of the toughest things to deal with in daycare. Kids are so quick, the parents are always quick to blame us as if we can prevent every single thing from happening. So it makes us feel terribly guilty. Solutions people offer always sound so good but sometimes when you try to implement them, it's almost next to impossible. Example: what do you do when you have to use the bathroom? Or turn your back for those 2 seconds? Let's face it, as much as you shadow a dck, there is always that split second where you turn around and it's a done deed. It's as if the dck is waiting for that opportune time to attack. It's nerve-wracking, frustrating, discouraging and makes you feel like a terrible provider.
You have my complete sympathy on this one and I wish I had some advice.

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Yes I have been accused of treating these boys differently. Which is NOT the case. Yes, I have to be more attentive to the younger one just because he is younger. The 5 year old has (IMO) some sensory issues (which I have addressed with his parents, who won't listen to a thing I say) so he didn't like to be touched so it is hard to have a bond with a child that doesn't like to be hugged or hands touched. We are always doing things together though. I can't think of anything that I would have done differently with this child versus the other. And I told her that BUT it made it personal at that point because she pointed out that I have a total different relationship with the other family. of course I do, I have had them 6 years longer than I had them. If I didn't then there would be a problem, I would think anyway.
I now second guess myself on everything. It is not a good feeling. I am so tired of it all. I have a big heart and this is where it gets me. Ugh...Not a good way to start a day that is for sure.

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I have kept one. She was 2.5 and very verbal (bit out of anger). I followed advice I got here. She was my shadow for one week and I slowly reintroduced her back into the group. I watched her like a hawk for the following 2 weeks.

I told both sets of parents my plan, had a lengthy chat with parents of dcg and we worked together to put a stop to it (role played, read books, gave her (more) words for her feelings. Maybe she never would have bitten again? Who knows. But this worked for me and this particular dcg.

Now I did have one 2.5 dcb who was very aggressive and targetting one child (not biting, but shoving hard to the ground). There were a lot of other issues with this guy (not listening, little discipline from home) and I think it was more of an outlet having to adjust to rules. I tried the shadowing but reintroduction to the group resulted in him targetting this child as soon as he could get near her. He was termed immediately. I suggested to the mom to try him in a centre where he could have more one on one. Could have just been the two personalities didn't mesh. Either way, he was a liability to my group.

So I guess it depends. Good luck with your decision

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I have never termed a biter and I had 3 of them all at once! My son was one of them and he started biting around 18 months, another dcg started just after turning 2 and then another dcg that was the same age as my son started biting too after she had been a victim. They literally were all biting each other on a daily basis. It was terrible!! All the parents were understanding and on board with trying to stop the behavior. I got it to stop by teaching them about emotions and how to use their words to express themselves. The oldest biter stopped immediately as soon as she learned the words vs. biting. My son and the other dcg took quite a bit longer. They went through the whole summer with no biting issues, but once fall hit and we were back inside the two of them started again. Dcg was biting significantly more than my son and he was basic the only person she was biting. He stopped completely when he learned words as well, we just kept working on the emotion words, we read Tucker the Turtle a lot and practiced all that stuff too. Then in January dcg was still biting at 2.5, she started biting other kids too. I told her parents it was time to do a behavior evaluation because she was having terrible tantrums too, they were having issues at home as well, and everything that had worked for the other kids wasn't working for her and it was time to try something else. I made them copies of all our emotion faces I had here and gave them some other stuff about feelings too. Once they started working on the same things at home that I had been doing here things finally clicked for dcg. She still tries to bite sometimes, but now I just have to say something and she will stop herself. The self control has improved a lot. It was a lot of work dealing with all the biting, but if I can make it through so can you!!

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Yes and they blindsided me by pulling him after months, with no notice. All of a sudden preschool was what he needed.

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