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Old 11-06-2019, 09:23 AM
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Default Tantrums

I have a child who throws huge tantrums and Iím not sure how much longer I can deal with this. I keep hoping heís going to grow out of it (heís three). Iím trying to decide if I should terminate. Is there anything I should be expecting the parents to be doing first? They put him in a different room when he throws one and ignores, or thatís what they told me and I do the same but itís not getting any better. The advice I read says parents need to be on board but what exactly should I be expecting of the parents before I give notice?
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Old 11-06-2019, 03:32 PM
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Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
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The parents really cannot control behaviors that occur on your time and in your environment, only you can do that. (barring infant self-soothing/sleep/bottle feeding routines)

You can include them in a written behavior improvement plan with a 30-day termination if no improvement. You can ask for ideas and input. Parents can help with applying consequences at home if he has a bad day in care and give you permission to try different techniques if one isn't working.
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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Old 11-06-2019, 06:34 PM
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Ariana Ariana is online now
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I have children who frequently tantrum at home and do not at my house and I rarely involve parents in the solution because like CH said what happens at my house is my responsibility.

Ignoring is the only thing that works. What does he do when he is tantrumming and what do you do?

I typically completely ignore a tantrum right as it is happening. If the child lashes out at me of others I remove them from the area and ignore. I had a 20 month old yesterday refuse to keep the crayons at the table during our art time, so she lost her privilege of art time. She had an epic tantrum and kept trying to come back to the table. Since this was her second chance and she was still not listening, I continually removed her from the table over and over while she was freaking out. Today when she came for art I restated my expectation “crayons stay at the table” and today she complied. Tantrumming did not get her what she wanted so why do it. When a child continues to tantrum someone somewhere is giving into it and kids can learn who it works on (parents) and who it doesn’t (me).

Ignoring a tantrum requires a child to learn self emotional regulation. They learn that they can have big emotions, freak out and still live without people giving them what they want.
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Old 11-07-2019, 07:31 AM
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Meeko Meeko is online now
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I tell the child "That doesn't work here" and then ignore them or remove them from the area if it is in the best interests of the other kids.
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Old 11-07-2019, 07:55 AM
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Yes thatís what I do, I remove him from the group so thereís no attention on him. This kid is just so defiant though. Whenever I correct him he starts slamming himself down on the floor and then the tantrum comes.
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Old 11-07-2019, 12:29 PM
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Depending on the child, I've used different tactics at different times to stop tantrums. When my son was young, (3yo+) prior to being diagnosed with Asperger's, his meltdowns were tough to deal with. Sometimes I would walk away and just let him get it out of his system. Other times, I'd ask him to take it to his room so he wasn't upsetting the other kids who were here. I did find that the tactic that worked best with him was to say, "I can see you're upset. You look as though you could use a hug. Do you want me to give you a hug? We can sit on the rocking chair and hug until you feel better." The rocking would calm him and often seemed like the best way to deal with his meltdowns. When he was calm, we'd talk through the problem.

I had one dcb who used to tantrum on a regular basis. After trying all of the tricks I used to use with my son and having them not work, I finally said, "You know...I will never give you what you want when you're behaving like this. It would only teach you to scream and cry anytime you wanted to get your way and I won't do that." He was a smart little guy and understood exactly what I was saying. His response was, "Really?" I looked him in the eye and said, "Really." I can't say it stopped all of his tantrums but it definitely helped to lessen the frequency, especially if I reminded him of our conversation.

I don't know it either tactic would help you but if your dcb is bright and fairly verbal, they may be worth trying.
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Old 11-13-2019, 07:41 AM
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CeridwenLynne CeridwenLynne is online now Member
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Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
I tell the child "That doesn't work here" and then ignore them or remove them from the area if it is in the best interests of the other kids.
I do the same thing. I had a 3.5 yo girl throw a screaming fit the other day because there were already 4 kids in the block area and she wanted to play there now. I told her that throwing a fit wasnít going to work with Ms. Ceri and let her scream it out. She got bored with being ignored quickly and soon found somewhere else to play. Iíve learned that making a lot over tantrums and coddling them when they cry over not getting their way makes things worse. Unless a child is throwing a tantrum where he could be hurt or another child can be hurt itís best not to call attention it.
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3 year old, tantrums

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