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  #1  
Old 11-06-2019, 01:38 PM
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Looking for advice on dcb4 who constantly is telling me he doesn't like it at my house, asking 5 times an hour when will mom be here, and doesnt want to play or interact with any kids. He comes once a week, the day pre-k is off, and hes been coming for 2 months. He cries right away at drop off every time, but is able to calm down after about an hour. He asks every day if he can sleep until mom comes. I let him have his mat all day one day, and he almost slept the whole time he was here.

I'm at a loss as to what I could do to help him stop complaining and asking for his mom constantly. It's exhausting.
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  #2  
Old 11-06-2019, 02:37 PM
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"I don't like it here"....

Me:
"That's too bad" and I'm off to start a fun activity. He can join or don't. I'm not going to stress about his choice.

"Me neither" with an over exaggerated lip pout and I'm off to do a fun activity. He can join or not. Don't stress.

"Bummer" and I'm off...

I don't play into the behavior. No special activities, just set things up like I usually do.

The only thing I won't tolerate though is constant crying in a preschooler. If that does happen, I would consult with the parents to set the expectation (parents need to talk up daycare and get the excitement started). If it (crying) doesn't stop within a reasonable timeframe, I would term.
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  #3  
Old 11-06-2019, 04:31 PM
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try to use this way. https://www.oxfordlearning.com/impro...tening-skills/

Just remember, he is a little kid and it seems he doesn't know how to describe what he is feeling and why. Help him and help yourself by helping him.
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  #4  
Old 11-06-2019, 05:17 PM
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"It hurts my feelings when you say that. If you don't want to play with blocks then you can go play in housekeeping or science. If you don't want to play in housekeeping or science you can go to the quiet chair and read or play with puzzles. You cannot continue to say mean things or interrupt me. So, which center do you choose?"

He's 4, he gets it.
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  #5  
Old 11-06-2019, 06:21 PM
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"It hurts my feelings when you say that. If you don't want to play with blocks then you can go play in housekeeping or science. If you don't want to play in housekeeping or science you can go to the quiet chair and read or play with puzzles. You cannot continue to say mean things or interrupt me. So, which center do you choose?"

He's 4, he gets it.
For some reason, this kid isn't comfortable in the daycare or thinks so. I don't think that it is a good idea to make him feel guilty by telling that he hurts someone's feelings. He already has a lot on his plate.
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Old 11-06-2019, 06:22 PM
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I had a very similar situation with a child the same age. He was with me 2 days a week and with mom the other days. I seriously jumped through hoops for this kid and nothing changed. When I started to ignore him and said “well your mommy wants you here so you sill have to get used to it” things got better. For this kid is seemed to be related to anxiety and attention seeking behaviour because he did not know how to play and needed direction all the time. I started directing him on what to do and that also helped.
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  #7  
Old 11-06-2019, 08:17 PM
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I don't like it here-----Well, I'm sorry to hear that! I like it when you come here!

When is my mom coming?---5pm, after naptime and snack.

When is my mom coming? (round 2)---I have already answered that question.

When is mom coming (round 3)---I won't be answering you because I already have.

When is my mom coming (rounds 4 through 4,365,987)---...............hey, other kid, would you like to play with dinosaurs? Other kid2, would you like to color? Kid who won't stop asking about mom? ...........

I will answer once. I'll remind once that I have answered. I will tell the child that they already HAVE the answer. After that, I ignore. And it is sometimes HARD to. I have one now that will repeat the question over and over and over without even space in between the questions for me to answer if I were planning to. The other day, I remembered how I dealt with my foster daughter who would poop her pants and scream whenever she didn't get what she asked for. I would "turn off" my ears. It infuriated her when I turned them off and couldn't hear her screaming anymore. I just put my fingers behind my ears and pretended to turn some knobs off, and told her that I was turning off my ears now, and that it looks like she needs some time to scream, and that she could come get me when she was done screaming, and I could turn my ears back on then. That kid could literally scream for 90 minutes straight or more, but it did eventually work. I told my daycare kid that I wasn't going to answer her because I have answered that question already, and that I was turning off my ears so that I wouldn't have to hear her ask me that same question all day. She hasn't asked me since!
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Old 11-07-2019, 05:11 AM
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I had a dcg who was here starting at 4 weeks old (family friend). Around age 4, she started asking when mom was coming, because her mom worked into the evening and the other kids left late afternoon. So I put a schedule of our day up, and directed her to it every time she asked. She could see where we were in the day, and what needed to happen before mom came. It stopped the questions immediately, and put her in charge of getting the information she needed, which made her feel very grown up. She would often go over the schedule with the younger kiddos.

She's now in kindergarten, and I haven't needed the schedule, but it is still on the wall for the next one who starts the questions!

Good luck! I know this is hard.
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  #9  
Old 11-07-2019, 06:26 AM
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I had a family of 3 children.Each one started at 3 months ,the oldest went off to full day school.Then the baby was born and mom decided to work from home.She sent 2nd child 4 yrs to preschool.She wanted them to still come to DC for Fridays.After a month of the 4 yr old crying and saying she didn't like it with us I pulled the plug.I felt it was doing no good for anyone and if they were not happy why ruin 4 yrs of good memories.I made their goodbye books and went to their house and mom and I came to the agreement that it was time.If it had been 4 or even 3 days I would have worked harder to help her adjust.One day ,I was done .I wanted the kids to have a good day .
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  #10  
Old 11-07-2019, 07:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
For some reason, this kid isn't comfortable in the daycare or thinks so. I don't think that it is a good idea to make him feel guilty by telling that he hurts someone's feelings. He already has a lot on his plate.
What makes you think he already has alot on his plate?

The OP said this child says he doesn't like it at that daycare.
There was no other information given about what is/isn't on his plate.

What he is saying IS a hurtful thing to say.

He should be aware that his words can be hurtful.

Nothing wrong with that.
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  #11  
Old 11-07-2019, 10:08 AM
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"oh you dont like it here? that cool. What do you like? You gonna be here with me anyways mabey we can find a solution" rinse and repete
"Ok you dont like it here, what do you like?"
"Oh, what do you like"
"What do you like"
Over and over
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  #12  
Old 11-07-2019, 10:23 AM
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Quote:
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For some reason, this kid isn't comfortable in the daycare or thinks so. I don't think that it is a good idea to make him feel guilty by telling that he hurts someone's feelings. He already has a lot on his plate.
I do. Teaching empathy, self-soothing, and coping skills are part of my job. They are all literally on the Early Learning Standards, Social-Emotional Milestones, that I must follow and support.

I also understand this kid goes to a classroom with 30 kids his own age 4 days per week with lots of awesome supplies that can't be used in a mixed-age setting. Of course, he does not like to spend one day per week surrounded by other people's babies and toddlers. This is something his parents have chosen for him and he must learn to adapt. He probably won't like PE or math class later, either, but I bet he will still be expected to show his teacher respect and participate.
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Old 11-07-2019, 10:57 AM
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I would do a quick “tell Mommy” every time he said it. This is something between him and his parents. Has nothing to do with daycare.
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Old 11-07-2019, 11:18 AM
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He probably doesn't like it there. He is not there by a choice of his own. He would probably like it at home surrounded by his own stuff. Maybe saying sorry to hear that and moving on would be a better option. At 4 kids have very little sense of time. Maybe show him on a clock what time his mommy normally comes will help him.
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Old 11-07-2019, 11:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I do. Teaching empathy, self-soothing, and coping skills are part of my job. They are all literally on the Early Learning Standards, Social-Emotional Milestones, that I must follow and support.

I also understand this kid goes to a classroom with 30 kids his own age 4 days per week with lots of awesome supplies that can't be used in a mixed-age setting. Of course, he does not like to spend one day per week surrounded by other people's babies and toddlers. This is something his parents have chosen for him and he must learn to adapt. He probably won't like PE or math class later, either, but I bet he will still be expected to show his teacher respect and participate.
EXACTLY!! What kid WANTS to be at daycare? Of course he wants to be at home BUT life is saying otherwise and he needs to deal with it (meaning get his feelings under control and adapt therefore building resiliency which is the #1 predictor of future success).

It really ticks me off when people jump to the conclusion that it is a daycare providers fault that a child does not like being at daycare. Like I previously mentioned I jumped through hoops for this kid and it did nothing. He still wanted to be home with mommy because when he was there he was in charge...which ironically was causing his anxiety.
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  #16  
Old 11-07-2019, 11:40 AM
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With most free K-4 programs struggling financially since states can't continue to afford it without increased Federal funding, all of those kids will be in this position soon. Most programs are going to half-day or 3-4 days per week to survive. All of these kids will have to find part-time care somewhere, all of them will struggle with the transition. All of them.

We have to deal with it in a logical way, not emotional.
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  #17  
Old 11-07-2019, 12:49 PM
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What makes you think he already has a lot on his plate?
every week comes to a place just for one day. For some kids, it can be very stressful. Especially if the kid doesn't make friends easily and if daycare doesn't have other kids of his age and, as a result, doesn't have activities and toys for that age.
She said that once she allows him to rest on a mat and he did it a whole day. To me, it is a sign, that the kid really has a lot on his plate and needs help.
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  #18  
Old 11-07-2019, 04:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
every week comes to a place just for one day. For some kids, it can be very stressful. Especially if the kid doesn't make friends easily and if daycare doesn't have other kids of his age and, as a result, doesn't have activities and toys for that age.
She said that once she allows him to rest on a mat and he did it a whole day. To me, it is a sign, that the kid really has a lot on his plate and needs help.


Where did the OP say there are no other children his age?
Where in her post does it say she provides no activities or toys that are developmentally appropriate?
What part of her post said he has trouble making friends?

Hmm, I wish I was that intuitive.
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  #19  
Old 11-07-2019, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
every week comes to a place just for one day. For some kids, it can be very stressful. Especially if the kid doesn't make friends easily and if daycare doesn't have other kids of his age and, as a result, doesn't have activities and toys for that age.
She said that once she allows him to rest on a mat and he did it a whole day. To me, it is a sign, that the kid really has a lot on his plate and needs help.
Do you....or have you ever taken care of a multiple ages of children for 9 hrs a day...for more than 1 or 2 days a week? What is your child care experience?
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Old 11-11-2019, 01:12 PM
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Do you....or have you ever taken care of a multiple ages of children for 9 hrs a day...for more than 1 or 2 days a week? What is your child care experience?

I have a very busy family daycare with a long waiting list. 15 years I used to work as an elementary school teacher and middle school math teacher. I have been working with multiple ages of kids for 12 hours a day 5 days a week during the last 10 years.
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Old 11-15-2019, 08:21 AM
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"I don't like it here"

""I love it here!" Then ignore. It's a power play and like Nanny D said...it's between him and his parents.

Not the provider's job to somehow make him like it.
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