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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCB Attacked My Child!
SunshineMama 07:59 AM 05-15-2012
Ok, first let me say that I am VERY protective of my children, so I am trying to handle this situation being as non-biased as possible, but it is difficult when it is your own child.
DD, age 1, was trying to sit on a little chair in the kitchen that DCB, age 3, said was his. (This is nobody's chair- just one of many little chairs I have for the kids). She of course, ignored him and continued to try to sit on the chair, and he ran over to her, put his arms around her neck and tried to hit, shake, and bite her. I was 10 feet away from all of this, and the whole situation took place within seconds. I was able to get him off of her and no one was hurt. I told him that was unacceptable, and sent him to time out.
Now what...
DCB has been increasingly aggressive toward dd. He has in the past, only "attacked" his twin sister like that, but when he went after my child it really sparked a nerve. If I term him I lose 2 kids, but if I have to for my kids as a last option I wont hesitate.
What should I do? As a mother I feel angry with this child, but as a provider I am remaining unbiased.
DD, age 1, was trying to sit on a little chair in the kitchen that DCB, age 3, said was his. (This is nobody's chair- just one of many little chairs I have for the kids). She of course, ignored him and continued to try to sit on the chair, and he ran over to her, put his arms around her neck and tried to hit, shake, and bite her. I was 10 feet away from all of this, and the whole situation took place within seconds. I was able to get him off of her and no one was hurt. I told him that was unacceptable, and sent him to time out.
Now what...
DCB has been increasingly aggressive toward dd. He has in the past, only "attacked" his twin sister like that, but when he went after my child it really sparked a nerve. If I term him I lose 2 kids, but if I have to for my kids as a last option I wont hesitate.
What should I do? As a mother I feel angry with this child, but as a provider I am remaining unbiased.
MarinaVanessa 08:11 AM 05-15-2012
Sounds to me like this is the second child that this child has attacked. Did he ever attack his sister in DC and if so how did you handle it? Did he do it one time or many? Did he get better or did it continue?
If he's done this at DC on numerous occasions, is reoccuring and you've stepped in to take preventative measures and this is still an issue with his sibling an dnow he's showing aggression against your DD then the issue is getting worse and I'd seriously consider terminating him.
I would have a talk with his DCP's and come up with a plan of action, if he is doing this at home also it needs to end there as well. This child shouldn't be allowed to wrestle at home with dad until he's old enough to know the difference between playing and hurting people. DCB is 3 ... does he have difficulties expressing his needs and communicating? If so then DCP's may need to work on giving better communication tools at home. He's frustrated and aggression is NOT okay.
I would put a time cap on it to see improvement (a couple of weeks) and if you see no changes at the end of that time period then maybe it's time to let the family go. Have the DCP's sign a probation notice. Good luck with this, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is one tough situation to be in
If he's done this at DC on numerous occasions, is reoccuring and you've stepped in to take preventative measures and this is still an issue with his sibling an dnow he's showing aggression against your DD then the issue is getting worse and I'd seriously consider terminating him.
I would have a talk with his DCP's and come up with a plan of action, if he is doing this at home also it needs to end there as well. This child shouldn't be allowed to wrestle at home with dad until he's old enough to know the difference between playing and hurting people. DCB is 3 ... does he have difficulties expressing his needs and communicating? If so then DCP's may need to work on giving better communication tools at home. He's frustrated and aggression is NOT okay.
I would put a time cap on it to see improvement (a couple of weeks) and if you see no changes at the end of that time period then maybe it's time to let the family go. Have the DCP's sign a probation notice. Good luck with this, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is one tough situation to be in
SunshineMama 08:42 AM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Sounds to me like this is the second child that this child has attacked. Did he ever attack his sister in DC and if so how did you handle it? Did he do it one time or many? Did he get better or did it continue?
If he's done this at DC on numerous occasions, is reoccuring and you've stepped in to take preventative measures and this is still an issue with his sibling an dnow he's showing aggression against your DD then the issue is getting worse and I'd seriously consider terminating him.
I would have a talk with his DCP's and come up with a plan of action, if he is doing this at home also it needs to end there as well. This child shouldn't be allowed to wrestle at home with dad until he's old enough to know the difference between playing and hurting people. DCB is 3 ... does he have difficulties expressing his needs and communicating? If so then DCP's may need to work on giving better communication tools at home. He's frustrated and aggression is NOT okay.
I would put a time cap on it to see improvement (a couple of weeks) and if you see no changes at the end of that time period then maybe it's time to let the family go. Have the DCP's sign a probation notice. Good luck with this, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is one tough situation to be in
He has attacked his sister at DC on numerous occasions, and she has done the same to him. We went through a pretty bad period of biting as well. As they got older and their communication improved, the biting has stopped for the most part (isolated incidents at home), but they will occasionally still go after each other. He was pretty good for the past few months, then he started going after dd1 in the past 2 weeks for some reason, and wanting to wrestle the other dcb age 4, and my older dd, age 3. Sounds to me like this is the second child that this child has attacked. Did he ever attack his sister in DC and if so how did you handle it? Did he do it one time or many? Did he get better or did it continue?
If he's done this at DC on numerous occasions, is reoccuring and you've stepped in to take preventative measures and this is still an issue with his sibling an dnow he's showing aggression against your DD then the issue is getting worse and I'd seriously consider terminating him.
I would have a talk with his DCP's and come up with a plan of action, if he is doing this at home also it needs to end there as well. This child shouldn't be allowed to wrestle at home with dad until he's old enough to know the difference between playing and hurting people. DCB is 3 ... does he have difficulties expressing his needs and communicating? If so then DCP's may need to work on giving better communication tools at home. He's frustrated and aggression is NOT okay.
I would put a time cap on it to see improvement (a couple of weeks) and if you see no changes at the end of that time period then maybe it's time to let the family go. Have the DCP's sign a probation notice. Good luck with this, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is one tough situation to be in
I have consistently, since day 1, for all kids, told them to use their words, get me if there is an issue, and used time out for any act of aggression. I will talk to the parents tonight and come up with a plan of action.
daycare 08:58 AM 05-15-2012
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Sounds to me like this is the second child that this child has attacked. Did he ever attack his sister in DC and if so how did you handle it? Did he do it one time or many? Did he get better or did it continue?
If he's done this at DC on numerous occasions, is reoccuring and you've stepped in to take preventative measures and this is still an issue with his sibling an dnow he's showing aggression against your DD then the issue is getting worse and I'd seriously consider terminating him.
I would have a talk with his DCP's and come up with a plan of action, if he is doing this at home also it needs to end there as well. This child shouldn't be allowed to wrestle at home with dad until he's old enough to know the difference between playing and hurting people. DCB is 3 ... does he have difficulties expressing his needs and communicating? If so then DCP's may need to work on giving better communication tools at home. He's frustrated and aggression is NOT okay.
I would put a time cap on it to see improvement (a couple of weeks) and if you see no changes at the end of that time period then maybe it's time to let the family go. Have the DCP's sign a probation notice. Good luck with this, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is one tough situation to be in
I have demanded the same thing here at my DC..Sounds to me like this is the second child that this child has attacked. Did he ever attack his sister in DC and if so how did you handle it? Did he do it one time or many? Did he get better or did it continue?
If he's done this at DC on numerous occasions, is reoccuring and you've stepped in to take preventative measures and this is still an issue with his sibling an dnow he's showing aggression against your DD then the issue is getting worse and I'd seriously consider terminating him.
I would have a talk with his DCP's and come up with a plan of action, if he is doing this at home also it needs to end there as well. This child shouldn't be allowed to wrestle at home with dad until he's old enough to know the difference between playing and hurting people. DCB is 3 ... does he have difficulties expressing his needs and communicating? If so then DCP's may need to work on giving better communication tools at home. He's frustrated and aggression is NOT okay.
I would put a time cap on it to see improvement (a couple of weeks) and if you see no changes at the end of that time period then maybe it's time to let the family go. Have the DCP's sign a probation notice. Good luck with this, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. This is one tough situation to be in
Due to the fact that children don't understand when it is or is NOT ok to play rough or wrestle, I asked all of the parents to refrain from this type of play at home. The kids are too little to understand that it won't hurt daddy or big brother, but it will hurt my friends at daycare.
I have also adopted the 3 stikes your out rule. BUT it also depends on what it is. If it was very serious and intentional, the child would be gone after one occurrence.
Ariana 09:08 AM 05-15-2012
I would be telling the parents that his behavior is unacceptable and that it needs to stop, both at your DC and at home. Give it 6 weeks and if you don't see any improvement let them know you'll have no choice but to term. I would be this kid's shadow for the next few weeks until you nip this problem.
youretooloud 09:25 AM 05-15-2012
Can you make it a day long lesson?
At lunch, put his spot just a little away from the other kids. Say "You aren't sitting next to anyone because you hurt MY baby... I will not allow you to hurt my child".
Then, at nap, put his mat farther away from the other kids, and tell him the same thing. "You hurt my baby.. I won't allow you to hurt anybody here.... Maybe tomorrow we will try again...but, today, you sleep alone".
Then, when talking to mom, say it again in front of him "I will not allow him to hurt anybody here, especially not my own child..... Tomorrow is a new day, I hope he can keep his hands off of the other kids tomorrow so we don't have another day like we just did"
He needs to hear you say "MY child" and "I will NOT let you hurt..." That way, he'll realize he screwed up. He gets another do-over tomorrow, and you kinda like your baby, so he better never mess with her again.
He can be grumpy, but he has to be grumpy alone. Nobody else has to live with is bad moods.
At lunch, put his spot just a little away from the other kids. Say "You aren't sitting next to anyone because you hurt MY baby... I will not allow you to hurt my child".
Then, at nap, put his mat farther away from the other kids, and tell him the same thing. "You hurt my baby.. I won't allow you to hurt anybody here.... Maybe tomorrow we will try again...but, today, you sleep alone".
Then, when talking to mom, say it again in front of him "I will not allow him to hurt anybody here, especially not my own child..... Tomorrow is a new day, I hope he can keep his hands off of the other kids tomorrow so we don't have another day like we just did"
He needs to hear you say "MY child" and "I will NOT let you hurt..." That way, he'll realize he screwed up. He gets another do-over tomorrow, and you kinda like your baby, so he better never mess with her again.
He can be grumpy, but he has to be grumpy alone. Nobody else has to live with is bad moods.
cheerfuldom 09:34 AM 05-15-2012
I guess I disagree. I would not give any chances to him anymore and violence in this house gets an immediate termination. The exact same thing happened to me where the DCB jumped on my toddler daughter and pounded her in the back so hard, she was covered with quarter sized welts. Please do not make the same mistake I did and give an aggressive child so many chances. You already know the parents do not do anything when their OWN second child is the one being beat up on so why do you expect them to be able to care or change this when it is your child? I saw my DCB hurting others (including his mom) and waited to long and I still have regrets about not terming him sooner. His dad flipped out and got in my face and screamed at me because of the terming and was a big bully too. The mom tried to tell me the boy was just an "aggressive snuggler" and did nothing either. Time to get your mama bear on and protect your cubs!
temom 02:21 PM 05-15-2012
it is hard to see your child get beaten in his own home. i had a DCB that to this day i don't know how he did it but slashed my 3 yr old across the face, he still has the scar from it. when i told the dcm what the DCB did rather then correct him she asked him " did you hit him because he was annoying you" it took all my guts not to smack the DCM in the face. It still boils my blood when i see my kids cheek. Gave the DCM one more chance and then they were out the door.
JenNJ 02:29 PM 05-15-2012
I have a zero tolerance policy for aggressiveness, so this would be the one and only chance. If it ever happened again, they would be terminated.
No one hurts anyone here. All my clients get that in the interview, so they understand if/when their child is hit or hits someone else that I do NOT tolerate it.
No one hurts anyone here. All my clients get that in the interview, so they understand if/when their child is hit or hits someone else that I do NOT tolerate it.
MarinaVanessa 10:46 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by temom:
" did you hit him because he was annoying you"
" did you hit him because he was annoying you"
My emmediate reaction to this would have been to get down at DCB's level and say to him in a firm voice "No matter what another kid does to you it is NOT ok to hit anyone EVER, no matter what reason" then I would have turned to DCM and reapeated it word for word to her in a more firm voice and added "If YOU do nothing to correct this issue I will be forced to terminate our contract immediately" I would have had a hard time not giving her walking papers right then and there. The nerve of some people
cheerfuldom 10:54 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
My emmediate reaction to this would have been to get down at DCB's level and say to him in a firm voice "No matter what another kid does to you it is NOT ok to hit anyone EVER, no matter what reason" then I would have turned to DCM and reapeated it word for word to her in a more firm voice and added "If YOU do nothing to correct this issue I will be forced to terminate our contract immediately"
I would have had a hard time not giving her walking papers right then and there. The nerve of some people
girl, I am really starting to like you My emmediate reaction to this would have been to get down at DCB's level and say to him in a firm voice "No matter what another kid does to you it is NOT ok to hit anyone EVER, no matter what reason" then I would have turned to DCM and reapeated it word for word to her in a more firm voice and added "If YOU do nothing to correct this issue I will be forced to terminate our contract immediately" I would have had a hard time not giving her walking papers right then and there. The nerve of some people
CA girls know how to get it done!
MarinaVanessa 11:01 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
girl, I am really starting to like you
CA girls know how to get it done!
I'm actually a very patient person and I would rather work with a family first when difficult behavior arises VS immediate termination BUT that's only if and when the parents are willing to work at it. What the DCM said to temom was unacceptable. She was excusing and minimizing her childs violence and that is never ok. If a parent obviously does not want to work at it they know where the door is ... too bad, so sad, get out.girl, I am really starting to like you
CA girls know how to get it done!
daycare 11:02 AM 05-16-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
girl, I am really starting to like you
CA girls know how to get it done!
its that freeway driving that makes us so tuff and teaches us how to really tell it like it is...............lolgirl, I am really starting to like you
CA girls know how to get it done!
jojosmommy 11:38 AM 05-16-2012
I would have a hard time with this. I would be mad as a parent of course and it would be hard for me to want to allow that kid near my child again. I think when kids are that agressive they will do it again.
I would bet he did it to your child because he was jealous of attention. No fault of your own, some kids cant share the spotlight.
I would bet he did it to your child because he was jealous of attention. No fault of your own, some kids cant share the spotlight.
saved4always 07:48 PM 05-18-2012
Originally Posted by temom:
it is hard to see your child get beaten in his own home. i had a DCB that to this day i don't know how he did it but slashed my 3 yr old across the face, he still has the scar from it. when i told the dcm what the DCB did rather then correct him she asked him " did you hit him because he was annoying you" it took all my guts not to smack the DCM in the face. It still boils my blood when i see my kids cheek. Gave the DCM one more chance and then they were out the door.
I would not have given her one more chance. I would have showed her the door right then and there. it is hard to see your child get beaten in his own home. i had a DCB that to this day i don't know how he did it but slashed my 3 yr old across the face, he still has the scar from it. when i told the dcm what the DCB did rather then correct him she asked him " did you hit him because he was annoying you" it took all my guts not to smack the DCM in the face. It still boils my blood when i see my kids cheek. Gave the DCM one more chance and then they were out the door.
That stinks that she reacted that way! Blaming the victim is not cool.
saved4always 07:56 PM 05-18-2012
It has been a while since my dd has been young enough to be home while I do daycare, but I do not think I could have kept a child who attacked my baby like that. I quit working so I could stay home with her and did childcare for some extra money, so I had the luxury of not having to earn a certain amount of money. That would allow me to term immediately if something like this happened. I know that not everyone has that option. If you can afford to term, I would term. If that is not an option, I would be very firm with this dcb and his mother about the expectations and that this behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. If it happens again, or you do not think any kind of plan will work to make him behave, I would be prepared to term. Your baby's safety is the most important thing.