I know instinct is probably for everyone to say it's too soon...let him adjust. I do not have a trial period in my contract ( I am adding it now!)

Kid started with me yesterday. Complete mess. Today, even worse. During nap, I literally am sitting here next to him to make him even SEMI still. I can't leave the room because he's run into piano, tried to rip down my curtains...it's crazy! He is 3 years old-no excuse. My contract says I give 2 weeks notice unless behavior is endangering the well being of myself, my family, or the other kids. Well...do you think I have a case? My house is certainly at risk, the other kids are NOT sleeping, and I cannot get even 1 minute of rest time to relax.

I want to tell mom that Friday will be his last day. All my kids adjust-but this is not a transition issue. It's ridiculous.

Opinions?

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imo, i would let him adjust..sounds like he is testing his boundraries with you. i've had some kids this age who wont nap so they lay and watch a movie. if they cant behave then i seperate them and put them someone by themselves (usually hall way in my house and then they have to lay down) i would talk with mom , let her know your concerns and say , you have XX time before i may have to let him go for destruction/interuption of others/etc. some kids need a month to adjust, some need no time. i wish you luck with this one!

btw, i would also tell her that she will be charged for any items broken or ruined!!

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I would term too, I would talk to her at pick up today letting her know that he isnt fitting well into your schedule, His adjustment is getting worse not better and noone is happy. and that friday is the lasy day you can watch him.

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If you can do without the money, I would term him. WAY too much work from just one kid! And if it hasn't effected the bahavior of the other kids, it will soon. If you do need the money, then I'd keep trying-but no amount of money is worth your peace of mind!

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He fell asleep after an hour and 45 minutes of craziness. Only because I sat next to him with my hand on his back. NOT going to happen every day. I still think his behavior is ridiculous and getting worse instead of better. But I'm trying to be a little calmer. How about this for a "warning"/heads up?

October 13, 2010

To the Parents of *******:

The child care contract for*******states the following:

“Either parent or provider may terminate childcare after two weeks of written notification to the other party. However, ******** reserves the right to suspend or terminate care of any child without notice, should it be deemed*necessary for the overall safety and well-being of my family and/or other children in my care.”

During nap time the past two days, *** has caused serious problems with disrupting other children’s rest time. I will never make a child sleep but he needs to be respectful of others during this time. Running around the room, pulling on curtains, hitting a piano, and making loud noises during this time are all unacceptable behaviors. While I realize **** is still transitioning to our facility, please realize that I must consider the well-being of everyone in my care, as well as myself and my home. If I do not observe improvements in these behaviors by Friday, October 15th, then you will receive notification of termination (voiding our child care contract). I will always try to give a parent as much notice as possible when discontinuing care but certain situations warrant immediate termination (such as household damages or continued disruptions during nap time).

Thank you for your understanding and commitment to helping **** adjust accordingly.

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Yes, I'd much rather have sanity than the money. (so would my husband haha)

And you are so right about the other kids. I had one little guy try me when he first started (SO much different than this one though...I never considered terminating) and I can just see him thinking "hmmm should I try that too"

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I personally wouldn't term unless he is hitting, biting, or kicking.
I would give him the full two weeks. I would talk to mom in front of the lil guy and let her know how horrid his behavior is. At 3 he is capable of controlling the destructive outbursts. has he actually broken anything yet? If so show mom. I have had 3 year olds who needed to sleep in a pnp for their own safety and the peace of my other sleepers......not to mention my sanity.....afternoon naps with no tv are non negotiable.Ask momma to talk to lil guy and lay down the law. Let her know you will be re evaluating this setup on Friday. Take a deep breath and see if you can make it until the end of the week unless he is verbally mean to the other kids or hitting, kicking, or biting.....If you give him more of a chance he might be the best lil guy in your group.

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Looks very good-I would leave what I made bold out, I don't think it's needed and may be "over explaining".

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He is 3...but I think something is off with him. He avoids eye contact I honestly don't think he understands everything he is being told. Some of the behaviors he is choosing...others-I'm not so sure.

I cannot put a 3 year old in a pack in play-only up to age 2. And with the physicality of what he was doing...he would literally have knocked it over. He was SPRINTING across the room. I already had that convo with Mom yesterday, in front of him-and today it was worse.

I know I asked for opinions...just wanted to make sure you know I was COMPLETELY jumping to termination lol Did I mention it's his 3rd daycare this year

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Did you talk with mom after his first day to let her know how it went? I would have talked with the child in front of mom at pick-up time about the things that he did that were inappropriate (pick the big things if there are too many to list) and tell him that he will NOT do that at your house again. Then ask him if he understands. I would be very firm with him with mom watching. Then have a conversation with mom about what he did and talk to her about how important it is that you are her work as partners in making sure his behavior is manageable. I would also ask mom how his behavior is at home.

I would ask her to talk to him at home and again in the morning about his behavior. Tell him and her that his behavior is not acceptable. I would tell mom that if he has another day like that, you will call her at work and she will need to speak to him on the phone. If that does not help, she will need to pick him up immediately and start fresh the following day.

If after 2-3 days things have not improved much I would schedule a meeting with mom and set up goals for the mom, the child and you to help that child know how to behave. Goals for mom might include: talking with child about behavior, taking away privileges at home if behavior is not good, not allowing inappropriate behavior at home, etc. Goals for provider might include: following through with child to make sure they rectify things they've done (repair books that have been ripped or whatever), include activities that that child enjoys to ensure he is not bored, sensory activities (sooo important for children with behavior issues), ensuring that provider is recognizing when child behaves well. Goals for child should be short and only be 2-3 goals: I will listen when provider asks me to do something, etc.


Disrespect is not something that I will tolerate. But, I do think that there has to be an adjustment period and children and parents need a chance to get things right. If, after a week or two weeks things have not improved I would terminate.

I have been through this goal setting process with several children and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. The parent needs to know that you are serious and they you are willing to make adjustments and expect the parents to make adjustments because you both want the child to succeed. I think it's extremely important not to give up on a child too quickly, he is only 3 and he's obviously struggling.

Good luck.

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After reading this, it really sounds like this child needs more than what you or the parents can provide without outside support. I would talk to mom about calling EI, it really sounds like he needs special services.

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Your sanity is worth more than the income.

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I agree (as somebody with a Psychology and Early Childhood Education degree)...but I know Mom doesn't want to hear it. She said the last place wanted to test him because he was not listening. I thought that sounded odd...but honestly I thought he was just going to be b-a-d and I could break him I hope she realizes that he needs help and gets it for him!

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I hope she does realize he needs help. It is not okay to be termed from 3 places, there is obviously something going on... poor little guy. How is his behavior at home? Certainly she sees what you're seeing??

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if another place wanted to test him and found that something was odd, then she should have done it, it may have been hard to hear but its better to fix it now than 5 yrs down the road and the child is older.

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Of course not....he's a perfect angel at home Yea, OK I really believe that one. Denial!

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sometimes a child just needs the proper direction and stability of a provider. moving from one to another sounds like no one is working w/him and hes being passed around as a 'bad child" ....been there! tho i usually keep my kids who need the extra attention. just who i am....
but w/o moms help then it sounds like SHE may be the root of the problems and he is acting out.

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Wow. Yup, have heard that one before...

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Random question, but, do you think his hearing is okay??

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I think so. He looks when he hears something but doesn't make eye contact or laughs even when it's serious.

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Well, both parents brought him today. They were apologetic and say they completely understand my position. I hope things change today and tomorrow...

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I have a kid like this that is almost 100% like you explained, except he is just 2 years old. I have to literally sit in the playroom during nap time, and wait for him to sleep otherwise he will run around the room. Then he only sleeps for like a 1/2 hour, so I speedly clean my home, thes bad as she thought. But he isn't bad, he just doesn't listen. It's so weird because I know he hears me. I am constantly following him around to make sure he isn't climbing on something, or doing something he shouldn't.

I've found that over exaggerating good behavior has been working. Like making a big deal of him listening to me. But nap time is my only hard day. He is also getting evaluated by Birth to 3 since he is 2, but acts younger than my 19 month daughter. (of course we are not comparing, but he doesn't follow simple direction, only says buh buh buh bye, or choo choo, and a few other things)

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The boy that is giving me trouble is almost 3. I find that I have to be very FIRM with him. He only responds to a very low loud tone. I do not yell, but more of a mean mommy voice. He does not listen ANY other way. I have to nip the behavior in the bud immediately with an ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I am very matter of fact and to the point. There is an immediate consequence, no warnings, unless it is something new, which I think he has already tried everything here. I know this may sound harsh, but he had his warnings the first few weeks. Now he knows better. My back hurt the first few weeks because I would immediately remove him and sit him down and he is VERY heavy. I get on his level and explain very clearly what I expect. He is getting better, but it is a serious learning process. He had NO structure at his former providers, no nap time, nothing. I will just not tolerate anything less than a child that knows how to act. Sometimes I think I still may terminate him, but I am going to give my boot camp a few more weeks!!!

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Typed the official letter:

October 14, 2010

To the Parents of ****,

As a follow up to yesterday‘s letter, here is an update of *** behavior today. Unfortunately, there was no improvement and he continued to be disruptive and disrespectful. I observed the following behaviors during nap time:

-jumping around, rolling, and flipping near the other children
-throwing his pillow in the air and hit another (resting) child in the head with it
-running into the piano
-smacking the television screen with his hands
-throwing his nap mat in the air
-wrapping the nap mat around himself
-running out of the room
-laughing while being yelled at
-pulling on curtains and blinds
-flipping over a chair when I turned around for a second
-having an accident in his pants and laughing about it (after being allowed to use the bathroom 2 times before nap)

It is simply not fair to the other children to deal with this type of behavior during their rest time. Therefore, because he has been unable to conduct himself in an appropriate manner, tomorrow, Friday, October 15th, will be ***s last day at ****.

Thank you for your support and understanding that I must do what is best for everyone in my care. I wish you the best of luck in finding a location that is a good fit for ***.

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If you are going to be this specific about his behavior, I would not say, "...while being yelled at."

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EXACTLY what I was going to say-doesn't look too good for you

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I would replace yelled at with while being corrected,.. and other than that =-) BINGO!!!!

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I don't think that I would be specific at all.
Maybe something like "behavior that is not appropriate for my daycare...."
whatever the exact wording is in your contract. If you need to be specific do it verbally. I know how you feel believe me....fed up with the whole ding dong situation but to be completely honest their is a tone to the long list which is probably going to come across sounding too harsh. In conclusion, I would be short vague and to the point in writing...no long list. Please don't take this the wrong way.....sounds like it has been quite the week

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I was going to say the same thing. I'd take the 'yelled at' part out. I like the 'corrected' wording.

Good Luck, I hope the parents will get him tested.

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Thanks everyone I changed "being yelled at" to "corrected". Obviously I was angry while writing it

I wanted to be specific so the parents see exactly what is happening. I told them verbally as well but I wanted to be sure not to forget anything.

Thanks for the advice. Mom was very gracious and understanding..so at least that's good.

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