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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Unbelievable Stress!
Michelle 03:45 PM 01-09-2012
Today, I had a parent call me and ask me to pick up her child from school because he was throwing up. I picked him up and told the mom she needs to pick him up due to our sick policy.
She then started to threaten to take her kids out my daycare if she has to leave work. I told her that she has to pick him up due to licensing rules, not just mine.

Well, she came and cleaned out the kids cubby and I asked if they are coming tomorrow? and she said "I don't know".
I am so upset, I can't afford to lose this family. We are in such a scary time right now that if we lose any more income, we will lose our home. I was getting $1300 per month for them and I love these kids, I have had them for 3 years.

I am so stressed my heart is beating very fast, I feel nauseous and I can't stop shaking. It's not easy to get new families these days. I just can't believe this. I was just trying to protect these little babies from getting sick and this child was in a lot of pain and wanted his mommy.
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laundrymom 03:55 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
Today, I had a parent call me and ask me to pick up her child from school because he was throwing up. I picked him up and told the mom she needs to pick him up due to our sick policy.
She then started to threaten to take her kids out my daycare if she has to leave work. I told her that she has to pick him up due to licensing rules, not just mine.

Well, she came and cleaned out the kids cubby and I asked if they are coming tomorrow? and she said "I don't know".
I am so upset, I can't afford to lose this family. We are in such a scary time right now that if we lose any more income, we will lose our home. I was getting $1300 per month for them and I love these kids, I have had them for 3 years.

I am so stressed my heart is beating very fast, I feel nauseous and I can't stop shaking. It's not easy to get new families these days. I just can't believe this. I was just trying to protect these little babies from getting sick and this child was in a lot of pain and wanted his mommy.
I'm so sorry. I would be terrified too. But, if her kids make your family and your other kids sick. They may pull their kid if you allow her ill child to attend. Have faith. If she pulls them because you refused sick care, she isn't worth the trouble. I cant believe she expected you to keep an ill child.
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sharlan 04:00 PM 01-09-2012
I truly hope that you don't lose the kids.

Even I don't keep a child that is vomiting.
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Blackcat31 04:05 PM 01-09-2012
Aw, Michelle...(((hugs)))! I am sorry this is happening. It is sooo not fair of her to aks you to do something that is against regulations so that she doesn't have to leave work. I am guessing she probably has missed a lot of work already and may be threatened with losing her job if she takes more time off? If that is the case then she should understand where you are coming from....kwim?

I would try to take a deep breath, calm down and perhaps phone her this evening when emotions have settled a bit and talk with her. Let her know how incredibly rude and disrespectful her behavior was/is. You obviously care for her family as you went and picked up her sick child. She also must trust you since she asked you to do it in the first place. Once you two talk a bit you will both probably feel alot better.

I am sure once she calms down she will see the error in her ways.
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Cat Herder 04:11 PM 01-09-2012
I would not be as nice as you were.

I am sorry that happened to you.
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Michelle 04:11 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Aw, Michelle...(((hugs)))! I am sorry this is happening. It is sooo not fair of her to aks you to do something that is against regulations so that she doesn't have to leave work. I am guessing she probably has missed a lot of work already and may be threatened with losing her job if she takes more time off? If that is the case then she should understand where you are coming from....kwim?

I would try to take a deep breath, calm down and perhaps phone her this evening when emotions have settled a bit and talk with her. Let her know how incredibly rude and disrespectful her behavior was/is. You obviously care for her family as you went and picked up her sick child. She also must trust you since she asked you to do it in the first place. Once you two talk a bit you will both probably feel alot better.

I am sure once she calms down she will see the error in her ways.
I hope so, what is she going to do call other daycares and ask them to watch her vomiting child? We all have the same policies. I'm just afraid she's going to find some desperate daycare that will do it.

I know I need to calm down but this was so unexpected. She is usually pretty easy going and she never misses work, so I just don't know. I will definitely keep you all posted.
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bice99 04:19 PM 01-09-2012
I'm amazed you picked her child up from school. I won't do that. Then the school can deal with Mom not wanting to pick up her sick child.
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sharlan 04:22 PM 01-09-2012
I've picked up numerous kids over the years from school when they were ill. I'll call the parent after the second episode, though.
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youretooloud 04:22 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by bice99:
I'm amazed you picked her child up from school. I won't do that. Then the school can deal with Mom not wanting to pick up her sick child.

I wouldn't have either.

The fact that she can make these demands on you is insane. The grade school should have kept him. They have a nurses office, they have the barf bucket... why did she not threaten to remove him from elementary school if they didn't keep her barfing kid?

Why is it more YOUR problem than the school's problem????
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familyschoolcare 04:26 PM 01-09-2012
I would not have picked the child up from school either. My sick policy in part states if a child is too sick to attend school they are too sick to come to day care.
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Michelle 05:26 PM 01-09-2012
She works in Hollywood, it takes her over an hour to get here and I am a push over for helping people. I have thought the same thing too about leaving him at the school but that would have definitely sealed my fate.
I agree with all of you, I am so upset, I'm struggling to finish my day with the other kids. My jaw hurts
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Cat Herder 05:29 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
. My jaw hurts
Do you have a cardiac history, hun?
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Michelle 05:35 PM 01-09-2012
no, just a serious anxiety disorder, they tried to give me meds for it but it made me into a zombie, so I stopped.
Thank you so much for caring Catherder
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Cat Herder 05:38 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
no, just a serious anxiety disorder, they tried to give me meds for it but it made me into a zombie, so I stopped.
Thank you so much for caring Catherder
Ok...you had me really worried.

You already know she is effecting your health right now. You have done nothing wrong.

This is all her responsibility. I understand she is probably upset about work, but she chose to become a MOTHER.

I am so frustrated with her for treating you this way.... grr.
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Ariana 06:05 PM 01-09-2012
I'm so frustrated for you right now. You have to put yourself first here. Take deep breaths, get a glass of cold water. Calm down. No one is worth this type of trauma to your system. I know it's a lot of $$ to lose but have faith that you can replace her.

I agree with youretooloud here, it shouldn't have been your problem since he was at school not at your house. Next time she calls you to pick up a sick kid don't answer the phone. Then SHE has to deal with it...she is the mother afterall. ridiculous.
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Michelle 06:15 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I'm so frustrated for you right now. You have to put yourself first here. Take deep breaths, get a glass of cold water. Calm down. No one is worth this type of trauma to your system. I know it's a lot of $$ to lose but have faith that you can replace her.

I agree with youretooloud here, it shouldn't have been your problem since he was at school not at your house. Next time she calls you to pick up a sick kid don't answer the phone. Then SHE has to deal with it...she is the mother afterall. ridiculous.
I know,and I have been trying to get her to be more responsible but this is going to affect us financially. When my husband had a good job, I just did daycare to earn some extra money to supplement his income but he is disabled and this daycare is our only income..I feel like the weight of the world is on me.
I think I made a big mistake, I should have just kept him. (isolated in another part of the house)
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Blackcat31 06:21 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I know,and I have been trying to get her to be more responsible but this is going to affect us financially. When my husband had a good job, I just did daycare to earn some extra money to supplement his income but he is disabled and this daycare is our only income..I feel like the weight of the world is on me.
I think I made a big mistake, I should have just kept him. (isolated in another part of the house)
Don't feel guilty for not bowing to her requests..... You did NOT make a mistake. You followed your licensing rules. I know it is scary with the possibilty of losing a family but you cannot be held hostage financially and allow parents to use and abuse your services simply because of the fear of them pulling out.

Trust me, this will all look and feel different tomorrow....whether she returns or not. We will be here to support you either way and things sometimes happen for a reason. Karma has a weird way of working out....

Hang in there...
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SilverSabre25 06:29 PM 01-09-2012
Oh Michelle, (((HUGS))) what a scary feeling for you.

I know how it feels to be on tenterhooks, thinking a family will or might leave you and knowing that you can't even possibly afford it if they do. I know how scary and stressful that is.

Take a deep breath and try to relax tonight. See what tomorrow brings.

Like the others said, we're here for you.
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Michelle 06:50 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Oh Michelle, (((HUGS))) what a scary feeling for you.

I know how it feels to be on tenterhooks, thinking a family will or might leave you and knowing that you can't even possibly afford it if they do. I know how scary and stressful that is.

Take a deep breath and try to relax tonight. See what tomorrow brings.

Like the others said, we're here for you.
O.k....thank you
I will try to get some sleep tonight
You guys are the greatest!
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countrymom 07:01 PM 01-09-2012
No, you shouldn't have kept him. HES NOT YOUR KID!! Mom must have had a bad day at work, I bet you tommorrow will be a new day and she'll be embarressed that this day ever happened. (secretly hopping that he throws up all over her face)
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Michelle 07:13 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
No, you shouldn't have kept him. HES NOT YOUR KID!! Mom must have had a bad day at work, I bet you tommorrow will be a new day and she'll be embarressed that this day ever happened. (secretly hopping that he throws up all over her face)

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AnneCordelia 07:52 PM 01-09-2012
I wish I had some words of wisdom. I just wanted to offer some support. I think you did the right thing and I hope that the universe will come through with providing for your family.
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Michelle 08:00 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by AnneCordelia:
I wish I had some words of wisdom. I just wanted to offer some support. I think you did the right thing and I hope that the universe will come through with providing for your family.
Thank you, I've been praying for a family of 6 well behaved kids, at $150 per week, with respectful, loving parents,

Hey, a girl can dream
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dave4him 08:04 PM 01-09-2012
how terrible.....
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e.j. 08:51 PM 01-09-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I think I made a big mistake, I should have just kept him. (isolated in another part of the house)
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time financially. It's got to be scary for you. I hope things turn around for you soon.

But no.... you didn't make a mistake. If you had kept him and then caught his stomach virus and had to close for a day or two, would she have pulled her kids anyway? Sounds like she's taking out her own frustrations on you. She's the parent. It's her job to take care of her sick kids; not you.

If you had caved to her threats today, she would know that making threats works and she would continue to threaten you every time she needed you to exempt her from your day care rules. Not a good position for you to be in.
Hopefully, she just let her emotions get the best of her and she'll apologize once things calm down and she has time to think about her over-reaction. If I were in your situation, I'd take her back temporarily so I could pay my mortgage but I'd also be looking to replace her as soon as possible!
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Meyou 03:42 AM 01-10-2012
I just wanted to add hugs and say that I agreed with everyone else. It's not reasonable for Mom to expect you to keep her vomiting child. There comes a point where the parents need to step up regardless of how sparkly and important their job is.
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laundrymom 04:10 AM 01-10-2012
OP. how are things this morning? Were you able to rest? Keep us updated. I hope you get a great group of clients soon!!
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Kaddidle Care 05:22 AM 01-10-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
Today, I had a parent call me and ask me to pick up her child from school because he was throwing up. I picked him up and told the mom she needs to pick him up due to our sick policy.
She then started to threaten to take her kids out my daycare if she has to leave work. I told her that she has to pick him up due to licensing rules, not just mine.
I would not have agreed to pick up the sick child. You risk exposing the other children especially when it is stomach virus related. Where are her emergency contacts?
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AfterSchoolMom 05:58 AM 01-10-2012
I don't know if anyone already said this, but I'd bet money that she sent him to school knowing he was sick.

How are you today? Did Mom apologize? If not, she should!!!!
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countrymom 07:26 AM 01-10-2012
any updates
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Michelle 07:43 AM 01-10-2012
She texted me and said they are not coming today. She didn't say anything about tomorrow. We are planning a trip to the Aquarium tomorrow so I will text her back with info such as walking shoes etc. and I will see what she says.
She is a state pay parent so she can choose anyone she wants if she decides to leave. There are literally dozens of providers that have immediate openings.
None of them go on field trips or have a preschool program like we do. I put the kids in gymnastics, ballet, art class etc.

She even had a social worker here about her children a few months ago. (school called)
I gave her a good report because at the time she was doing good.
I't a good thing a worker didn't ask me questions yesterday.
I don't think I would be able to hold back.
Well anyway I will keep you updated.
Thank you so much for all you support.
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greenhouse 09:35 AM 01-10-2012
It would be very selfish and petty of her the make her kids adjust to a whole new day care environment over this. You were in the right besides that. If you lose her there will be someone else and it's probably better in the long run. Good luck to you.
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Michelle 07:57 AM 01-11-2012
Update:
She brought the kids today!

I asked the kids some leading questions like what they did yesterday..
(trying to see if they were touring other daycares) and they said their mom took them shopping all day. They had fevers and were still sick..

Thank you guys so much for all the good advise and letting me rant and rave

I am constantly advertising and trying to get more kids so that I am not so vulnerable if I lose just one family.

You guys are my true friends
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Blackcat31 09:04 AM 01-11-2012
So happy they are back!!!

Did mom say anything to you? If they were still sick yesterday and had fevers, they really should have been home again today too, but I suppose you didn't really want to push it with mom huh? I guess I probably wouldn't have either if I were in your spot.

I also agree that you need to continue advertising and trying to set up a wait-list. Enforcing your policies and rules is a lot easier when you don't have that constant threat of a parent saying they are going to pull everytime they don't get their way!

Anyways, glad the whole thing didn't turn out to be half as bad as you thought it was going to.
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countrymom 10:39 AM 01-11-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
So happy they are back!!!

Did mom say anything to you? If they were still sick yesterday and had fevers, they really should have been home again today too, but I suppose you didn't really want to push it with mom huh? I guess I probably wouldn't have either if I were in your spot.

I also agree that you need to continue advertising and trying to set up a wait-list. Enforcing your policies and rules is a lot easier when you don't have that constant threat of a parent saying they are going to pull everytime they don't get their way!

Anyways, glad the whole thing didn't turn out to be half as bad as you thought it was going to.
i agree totally
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Ariana 10:42 AM 01-11-2012
Glad she came back!! I bet she didn't offer an apology though. ugh.

Start looking for a new family ASAP, I think your wish list sounds perfect. Keep thinking about it and it'll come
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Sugar Magnolia 01:08 PM 01-11-2012
That is so outrageous!!!!!!!!!! Harsh, rude, inconsiderate, uncaring, selfish....the other words I have in mind are inappropriate! Karma.
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Michelle 03:21 PM 01-11-2012
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
That is so outrageous!!!!!!!!!! Harsh, rude, inconsiderate, uncaring, selfish....the other words I have in mind are inappropriate! Karma.

yea Michael would have to edit the stuff I would like to say too!
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Michelle 03:22 PM 01-11-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Glad she came back!! I bet she didn't offer an apology though. ugh.

Start looking for a new family ASAP, I think your wish list sounds perfect. Keep thinking about it and it'll come
No apology at all... Nan is right about the state pay and entitlement ...
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Michelle 03:23 PM 01-11-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
So happy they are back!!!

Did mom say anything to you? If they were still sick yesterday and had fevers, they really should have been home again today too, but I suppose you didn't really want to push it with mom huh? I guess I probably wouldn't have either if I were in your spot.

I also agree that you need to continue advertising and trying to set up a wait-list. Enforcing your policies and rules is a lot easier when you don't have that constant threat of a parent saying they are going to pull everytime they don't get their way!

Anyways, glad the whole thing didn't turn out to be half as bad as you thought it was going to.

Thank you so much for everything!
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daycare 03:49 PM 01-11-2012
I didnt get to read all of the post, but I am so sorry this happened to you.

I would have told mom, I am really sorry, but just like his school, I can't have him here either.

One thing that I have learned through out my daycare life is that when parents give me some form of feeling other than happiness, it is time for them to go.

Right now, I have so seriously amazing parents. They are still some what new, but they boast about me all the time, tell me how amazed they are by me and tell me just wonderful things. THIS is what I need to keep me motivated and doing a great job. This helps me wake up and bring my A game everyday.

When I had parents like yours that were making me stressed out and not following rules, keeping me on my toes, I hate my job, didn't want to get out of bed in the morning and really was unmotivated to do the best that I could.

Negativity will take you down. Don't let someone suck the Good out of you and all the good that you do. You deserve amazing parents to let you know just how amazing you are....

I know how hard it is to lose a client right now. Been there, just not long ago. BUT I went through a bad patch and guess what, I am soooooo happy that I did. Because I would not feel so awesome right now and I would not be so happy right now.....and when I started feeling this way, all of a sudden all of this wonderful stuff came my way. MY DC is FULL again.

Sometimes you have to lose the bad to gain to good............
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Michelle 06:39 PM 01-11-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I didnt get to read all of the post, but I am so sorry this happened to you.

I would have told mom, I am really sorry, but just like his school, I can't have him here either.

One thing that I have learned through out my daycare life is that when parents give me some form of feeling other than happiness, it is time for them to go.

Right now, I have so seriously amazing parents. They are still some what new, but they boast about me all the time, tell me how amazed they are by me and tell me just wonderful things. THIS is what I need to keep me motivated and doing a great job. This helps me wake up and bring my A game everyday.

When I had parents like yours that were making me stressed out and not following rules, keeping me on my toes, I hate my job, didn't want to get out of bed in the morning and really was unmotivated to do the best that I could.

Negativity will take you down. Don't let someone suck the Good out of you and all the good that you do. You deserve amazing parents to let you know just how amazing you are....

I know how hard it is to lose a client right now. Been there, just not long ago. BUT I went through a bad patch and guess what, I am soooooo happy that I did. Because I would not feel so awesome right now and I would not be so happy right now.....and when I started feeling this way, all of a sudden all of this wonderful stuff came my way. MY DC is FULL again.

Sometimes you have to lose the bad to gain to good............
Thank you, very good advice.. I am trying very hard to get new kids. I have had a few calls yesterday and today and interviews set up for this weekend. The rest of the families are very good and they would never do this to me.
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permanentvacation 12:15 PM 01-12-2012
I can't believe you or any daycare provider/babysitter/etc. would pick up a sick child from school! I would have told the mother that they have to pick the child up from school and that the child has to remain home, or at least out of my daycare for a full 24 hours of being healthy before they can return to my daycare. (That's the law here)

If, especially after caring for her children for 3 YEARS, she is going to treat you like that, you don't need to have her as a client anyway. I very well know the feeling of being afraid to lose income, but you definately don't need to deal with parents or children who are disrespectful of you or the other children in your care.

Start advertising your rear end off! You'll get new clients. Meanwhile, see if you can lower some of your expenses to help offset the income lost for right now.
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Michelle 02:27 PM 01-13-2012
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I can't believe you or any daycare provider/babysitter/etc. would pick up a sick child from school! I would have told the mother that they have to pick the child up from school and that the child has to remain home, or at least out of my daycare for a full 24 hours of being healthy before they can return to my daycare. (That's the law here)

If, especially after caring for her children for 3 YEARS, she is going to treat you like that, you don't need to have her as a client anyway. I very well know the feeling of being afraid to lose income, but you definately don't need to deal with parents or children who are disrespectful of you or the other children in your care.

Start advertising your rear end off! You'll get new clients. Meanwhile, see if you can lower some of your expenses to help offset the income lost for right now.
I have actually had 2 interviews in the last couple days.and 2 more on Sat. and Mon. .they are all littles and the type of families I want.
I am still going to keep this family but not get upset when their funding runs out, which won't be long.
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e.j. 02:37 PM 01-13-2012
That's wonderful to hear! Good luck.
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mickey2 02:53 PM 01-13-2012
Originally Posted by Michelle:
I have actually had 2 interviews in the last couple days.and 2 more on Sat. and Mon. .they are all littles and the type of families I want.
I am still going to keep this family but not get upset when their funding runs out, which won't be long.
That is wonderful!

Good Luck! Hope they sign on.
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momma2girls 04:18 PM 01-13-2012
I would never or could ever pick up any other child from school. I couldn't even pick up our own. NEVER< NEVER!!!
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Unregistered 05:14 PM 01-13-2012
Do you have a contract and policies? Don't be afraid to stand behind them! I've had to in a similar situation, did lose wonderful boy, but others came in. If you don't stand behind your policies, why have them? If you don't have any, make them!
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Live and Learn 10:22 PM 01-13-2012
Michelle,

I am sending good vibes your way hoping that you pick up a new family or two.

Best of luck with your interviews.
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Michelle 09:39 AM 01-14-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Do you have a contract and policies? Don't be afraid to stand behind them! I've had to in a similar situation, did lose wonderful boy, but others came in. If you don't stand behind your policies, why have them? If you don't have any, make them!
I do have policies and that's why this happened!
I finally got a backbone and the parent freaked out on me.
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Michelle 09:43 AM 01-14-2012
Originally Posted by momma2girls:
I would never or could ever pick up any other child from school. I couldn't even pick up our own. NEVER< NEVER!!!
You don't pick up your own sick child from school?

We pick up our own and they stay in their own room all day or my room with T.V., video games,Netflix, books,private bathroom, snacks, crayons, coloring books, they never want to come out!
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LittleD 10:01 AM 01-14-2012
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I can't believe you or any daycare provider/babysitter/etc. would pick up a sick child from school! I would have told the mother that they have to pick the child up from school and that the child has to remain home, or at least out of my daycare for a full 24 hours of being healthy before they can return to my daycare. (That's the law here)

.
We don't have laws like that here unfortunately! I wish we did. They are pretty vague on sick policies. I've borrowed ideas from here and made my own personal sick policy but it would be nice to have the law to back it up!
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Tags:backbone, illness policy, irresponsible parents
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