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amberrose3dg 10:13 AM 08-03-2017
Hey everyone,
I have a question. I'm waiting on licensing to get back to me but thought I'd ask you guys first while I wait. I have a parent that is going through a custody battle. The mom is my client. Dad emailed me today for attendance records. Do i have to give those to him? I figured I did but dont know if I would get in trouble if I did.
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amberrose3dg 10:31 AM 08-03-2017
Let me be clear they currently have 50/50 week on and week off. They live in different states. He attends only on her custody time and not the dad's. I am not sure if that makes a difference. I know legally he cannot pick up the child from here on her time unless there is an emergency or she allows it.
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Blackcat31 10:40 AM 08-03-2017
NO. Your records are yours. You don't even have to provide those to mom. Obviously she does know when child attended but your records are just that. YOUR records.

I would personally not agree to provide ANY information unless an attorney has legally requested them.

I do NOT involve myself in any custody issues as I can't say one way or another what type of parent a parent is or isn't only seeing them during drop off and pick up each day.

So unless I get a court order requiring me to attend a court hearing, I have NOTHING to do with parent issues between the their family members.
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amberrose3dg 10:51 AM 08-03-2017
Thanks. I was hoping to hear that! This guy is very smug. He is fighting her simply over child support. I do not want to be involved with this at all! attendance records have zero impact on anything and I feel like it's his way of being a prick. Neither one of their custody will be determined by my records.
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amberrose3dg 11:32 AM 08-03-2017
I suspect it is because maybe he wants to see what he attends versus pays as she is probably requesting he pays a portion of the daycare costs. I don't know and licensing doesn't even know what's legal.
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hwichlaz 11:35 AM 08-03-2017
I'll happily provide copies of a child's record to the person I'm under contract with. All other people need to furnish me with a court order.
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Cat Herder 11:51 AM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
I suspect it is because maybe he wants to see what he attends versus pays as she is probably requesting he pays a portion of the daycare costs. I don't know and licensing doesn't even know what's legal.
Maybe, but it could also be to see how much time the child spends in daycare vs with his other parent. Maybe what he really wants is more time with his child. First right of refusal and what not. It is just as likely that Mom is refusing Dad time with his kid to get more child support. Women do it everyday.
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amberrose3dg 12:14 PM 08-03-2017
They currently have equal amount of time. He is going to be in school full time in two weeks. Dad lives 1.5 hours away and only wants full time to not have to pay child support. The boy spends open to close in both daycares. He has only been absent two days for Dentist appointments since enrolling in November. They can no longer share 50 50.
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amberrose3dg 12:22 PM 08-03-2017
He has also called and harassed me over what kindergarten readiness programs I use, what my schedule is, what menu I have , how long his naps are. He has somehow made it his mission to make me out to be incompetent to win his case. He sends him to a big center on his weeks. He thinks these are things that will discredit the mom so he gets him and won't have to pay child support.
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Cat Herder 12:32 PM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
He has also called and harassed me over what kindergarten readiness programs I use, what my schedule is, what menu I have , how long his naps are. He has somehow made it his mission to make me out to be incompetent to win his case. He sends him to a big center on his weeks. He thinks these are things that will discredit the mom so he gets him and won't have to pay child support.
**Or he could be making his case that his home is also a viable option for school placement. I'd be making exactly the same case, but with my being female almost everyone would be on my side, automatically. IMHO, Just being "Mom" should not automatically mean she gets school placement.

My bet is he feels your bias against him based on one sided info and treats you accordingly. My advice would be to tell him to have his lawyer file/send/whatever an official records request to cover your liabilities and call it a day.
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amberrose3dg 12:38 PM 08-03-2017
I have no bias against him at all. I never think mom is a better bet just because it's mom! He is the one involving me,not her. He is one of those arrogant men that treat women like crap. I have immediately disliked him. He doesn't show me or my business respect. He is by no means a good dad. He doesn't want to home school him or guide him. He leaves him with whatever girlfriend he has at the time. He thinks of his son as his property. I'm not providing him nothing else unless I'm forced to. I have sent him copies of my schedule , lesson plan, meal plan, and specific educational software, textbooks and toys. I'm done!
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littleflitter 12:51 PM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
I'll happily provide copies of a child's record to the person I'm under contract with. All other people need to furnish me with a court order.
I think this is also what I would do.
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Cat Herder 01:01 PM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
I have no bias against him at all. I'm done!
It is very clear you don't like him, that makes you biased against him. Not an accusation, just vocabulary. We all have bias, it is a human trait. No judgement here, you have your reasons.

I think you may be taking my words as a personal assault when I am trying to discuss our cultural bias in custody issues. I am a child of divorce and can see two sides to this coin and as a child care provider I want to support the childs right to both parents. The rest is just noise.

Just for thought for anyone who read this far: Why is it when a Mom wants custody everyone assumes it is about love, but when Dad does it is about money? Why is it when we reverse the rhetoric it is suddenly offensive?
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Blackcat31 01:06 PM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
It is very clear you don't like him, that makes you biased against him. Not an accusation, just vocabulary. We all have bias, it is a human trait. No judgement here, you have your reasons.

I think you may be taking my words as a personal assault when I am trying to discuss our cultural bias in custody issues. I am a child of divorce and can see two sides to this coin and as a child care provider I want to support the childs right to both parents. The rest is just noise.

Just for thought for anyone who read this far: Why is it when a Mom wants custody everyone assumes it is about love, but when Dad does it is about money? Why is it when we reverse the rhetoric it is suddenly offensive?
That ^ is exactly why I don't involve myself AT.ALL. for either parties benefit.

The child does NOT benefit if I do get involved because I should be viewed as a neutral environment for the child (ONLY) and if I start giving out information to which ever parent is the custodial parent at the time, I am involved.

So unless court ordered, I provide NOTHING.
Other than yes, the child attends my care or no, they do not. period. ANY other information the custodial parent needs should have been documented and recorded themselves. Just like the W-10 info. If they want to claim it, they can track it.
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Leigh 01:29 PM 08-03-2017
As already mentioned, a COURT ORDER is what would make me release records. Many attorneys would send you a letter demanding the records. His attorney requesting them is NOT a court order, but a means of bullying you into sending them. IF this happens, I'd not respond at all, and if they persisted, I'd ask the attorney for a copy of the court order before sending.
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amberrose3dg 01:53 PM 08-03-2017
I do not want to be involved he is pushing me into being involved. The only thing mom has requested from me is how much she has paid so far this year. He is personally attacking me to try and prove he is a better fit because his son comes to my daycare and it is not up to standard with his big named center. I am extremely neutral and do not want that here for the little boy.I feel for a kid that both parents are fighting over. In a perfect world he could continue splitting half his time but both parents want him in the school system and cannot home school him.I have yet to hear of one single case where custody was based on child care. My brother in law lost against his wife who has multiple dui's arrests and was bouncing from place to place. He then received custody less than a year later because she became homeless.I know plenty of men that deserve custody over women any day.His intentions bringing me into this are not innocent simply because he cares about his son. He is trying at every angle to make my environment seem unsafe or unhealthy for his child. He hasn't even come by here to see the place or meet me.
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Cat Herder 02:14 PM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
I do not want to be involved he is pushing me into being involved. The only thing mom has requested from me is how much she has paid so far this year. He is personally attacking me to try and prove he is a better fit because his son comes to my daycare and it is not up to standard with his big named center. I am extremely neutral and do not want that here for the little boy.I feel for a kid that both parents are fighting over. In a perfect world he could continue splitting half his time but both parents want him in the school system and cannot home school him.I have yet to hear of one single case where custody was based on child care. My brother in law lost against his wife who has multiple dui's arrests and was bouncing from place to place. He then received custody less than a year later because she became homeless.I know plenty of men that deserve custody over women any day.His intentions bringing me into this are not innocent simply because he cares about his son. He is trying at every angle to make my environment seem unsafe or unhealthy for his child. He hasn't even come by here to see the place or meet me.
I am sorry it still feels so personal for you. It is hard to see it as simply a legal strategy when you feel personally attacked by it.

I hoped I was helping you see his strategy was not actually about you or your care. He would be doing the same thing with any 20+ $tar center. Any angle he can find to tip the scale.

I would be doing the same. I think most parents would.
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LysesKids 04:25 PM 08-03-2017
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
I do not want to be involved he is pushing me into being involved. The only thing mom has requested from me is how much she has paid so far this year. He is personally attacking me to try and prove he is a better fit because his son comes to my daycare and it is not up to standard with his big named center. I am extremely neutral and do not want that here for the little boy.I feel for a kid that both parents are fighting over. In a perfect world he could continue splitting half his time but both parents want him in the school system and cannot home school him.I have yet to hear of one single case where custody was based on child care. My brother in law lost against his wife who has multiple dui's arrests and was bouncing from place to place. He then received custody less than a year later because she became homeless.I know plenty of men that deserve custody over women any day.His intentions bringing me into this are not innocent simply because he cares about his son. He is trying at every angle to make my environment seem unsafe or unhealthy for his child. He hasn't even come by here to see the place or meet me.
Time to put a WRITTEN policy into place about parents NOT involving you in custody disputes - that includes not slandering you, your family & your business or by making false accusations to CPS/licensing because you refuse to take sides or give up info you are not legally required too without a court order.

I ended most of my headaches after mine was put into place (the first time the parents really tried to involve me to the point I termed care immediately, the 2nd time, mom never even got contracted cuz it started before care did).
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Tags:child advocate, childs rights, custody issues, fathers rights
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