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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCK Strips When Upset
craftymissbeth 04:31 PM 03-10-2014
I just started a new dcb who's 3 today. When he gets angry or doesn't want to do something he strips his clothes off. When he's REALLY upset he takes off everything AND his pull-up. Is there anything I can do? His parents put him in time out for it, but I feel like I should give it as little energy as possible.

He's potty training and this all started when PTing started. I don't think he's quite ready to potty train. He's ready in every way except mentally. I reminded him throughout the day that he needed to use the potty but he said no each time. He only used the restroom once. I told dcm I won't force it.

Also, when it was time for nap he stripped and then threw his blankets everywhere and hid in the playhouse. I got him out and tried to put him down again. He did it again. I put in a pack n play. He climbed out. I gave him the option of sleeping in the PNP or mat and he chose the mat. He went to sleep right away.

I realize all of this is just him trying to gain control but I need a game plan before tomorrow. I'm exhausted!
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daycarediva 04:34 PM 03-10-2014
Can you trust him in the bathroom? Because that's where I would send naked kiddos.

"Oh, dcb! Privacy, please!" and shoo him into the bathroom, NICE as pie. With a "You can come out when you're all dressed." *big smile*

I would not allow him to be naked with other kids around, and this tactic defused my potty word kid and my yeller (when mad), pretty quickly.
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craftymissbeth 04:38 PM 03-10-2014
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Can you trust him in the bathroom? Because that's where I would send naked kiddos.

"Oh, dcb! Privacy, please!" and shoo him into the bathroom, NICE as pie. With a "You can come out when you're all dressed." *big smile*

I would not allow him to be naked with other kids around, and this tactic defused my potty word kid and my yeller (when mad), pretty quickly.
No he can't be trusted. He has to be with me every minute of the day because he does NOT listen to one word I say.

I'm wondering if backwards footie pajamas would work.
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daycarediva 04:39 PM 03-10-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
No he can't be trusted. He has to be with me every minute of the day because he does NOT listen to one word I say.

I'm wondering if backwards footie pajamas would work.
that would have been my next suggestion.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 07:49 PM 03-10-2014
Oh my. Backwards jammies sound good.
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daycare 08:09 PM 03-10-2014
I would try talking to the kid when he is not mad. get out some play-doh...

this is what I would say

Me. I see that sometimes you get really angry and you take your clothing off.

DCK: I am so mad I am ______________

Me: Oh, I see, I understand how you feel. I get really angry sometimes like that too. But I would never take my clothing off, no body wants to see my butt, say this in a very silly voice. get him to laugh. What do you think we could do instead?

DCK: maybe we can kick a wall or punch your cat.
Me: I don't think that those would be a very good ideas, you might break your toes or the cat might bite you, oh that would be bad.

DCK: oh.
Me: I do see that you are a wonderful helper. Do you think that you could help me to think of some ideas of what you can do the next time you are so angry. Like maybe you can come give me a hug or maybe you can sit and read a book. And if you are feeling really angry, which is ok, you can cry. It's ok to feel angry, but it's not ok to take your clothing off.

I think you get the point. I have been very successful at talking with the children and getting close to them. Let them know that I really want to understand how they feel and I care. This tells the child that they are safe, they can trust me and I will always care about them no matter what choice they make. I am patient and understanding, I want them to know this.

I feel that when children act out like this, we can use it as an opportunity to learn them better and understand them better by talking to them at a time when the air is clear.

Children will always test the boundaries, especially new ones in a new place, with new people and new rules, new friends. Ugh that sounds really scary for any person.
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craftymissbeth 08:38 PM 03-10-2014
I guess I should add that the way he speaks and acts reminds me very much of a 12-18 month old. He is very verbal, but it's a bunch of garbled "nonsense". I'm sure he's actually trying to say words but no one understands him. And he seems to either not understand what I say to him or chooses not to listen. Not quite sure which.
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daycare 08:44 PM 03-10-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I guess I should add that the way he speaks and acts reminds me very much of a 12-18 month old. He is very verbal, but it's a bunch of garbled "nonsense". I'm sure he's actually trying to say words but no one understands him. And he seems to either not understand what I say to him or chooses not to listen. Not quite sure which.
I have one that no one understands but me. But only because I wanted to take the time to understand him. I sit and talk with him every single day. He is way way way behind all of my kids. He will be 3 next month and my 18 month knows a lot more than him and can speak better.

Give him a chance. If you show him you care, he will care back.
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nannyde 05:21 AM 03-11-2014
Oh please send him to me. I love kids like this. He sounds brilliant.

Backwards footed pajamas, cease potty training, and a declaration of war would be phase one.
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cheerfuldom 06:53 AM 03-11-2014
I agree with Nan. definitely backward jammies and no more forcing on the potty training. If he asked, I would take OR if it was a time when everyone was going anyway, such as right before nap. Right now the emphasis should be on getting him to your schedule. The parents picked a horrible time to start potty training.

You have a two week transition period for daycare right? I think you can clearly see that he is high needs at best, possibly delayed at worse. Its up to you if you can handle that at the end of the period.

I will happily take special needs or delayed kids BUT they have to follow the same general routine (aka eat and nap for me) and their behaviors cannot be disruptive. If I tried everything for a few weeks and this kid was still stripping down, running around and resisting the schedule, I would term.....not because he has delays but because at that point, my care does not fit his needs. You cant have one kid tearing the place a part.
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craftymissbeth 09:09 AM 03-11-2014
Today is MUCH better. I had dcm bring a pair of footed pajamas. I noticed him trying to get ahold of the zipper but when he figured it out he gave up. I want him to feel what he feels but stripping down isn't the way to handle those feelings.

I've stopped potty training. Dcm seemed ok with it but we'll see. I ask him if he'd like to go and the answer is always no... so no it is.
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mountainside13 10:53 AM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Oh please send him to me. I love kids like this. He sounds brilliant.

Backwards footed pajamas, cease potty training, and a declaration of war would be phase one.

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craftymissbeth 12:45 PM 03-11-2014
The footed pajamas were the ticket. Yay!
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Blackcat31 01:04 PM 03-11-2014
Personally, I would not have this power struggle with him.

If he strips, he sits.

He can participate as soon as he puts his clothes back on.

That's it. No fan fare, no arguing, no discussion, no bargaining, no power struggle, no attention. NOTHING.

While I do agree with Nan that the backwards footed pajama's will work I have to wonder...what's next? How is he going to learn that he cannot take his clothes off just because he is upset?

Granted the footed PJ's will stop him for now but what is it teaching him?

It's a cure for today but what about tomorrow?
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craftymissbeth 01:10 PM 03-11-2014
True. I've tried putting him time out... he runs, I put him back, he runs, I put him back... over and over. The time out ends up being more of a struggle than the stripping.

I feel so lost
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Blackcat31 01:12 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
True. I've tried putting him time out... he runs, I put him back, he runs, I put him back... over and over. The time out ends up being more of a struggle than the stripping.

I feel so lost
Do you have a super play yard? A separate area (verses a time out spot)

Right now, he is getting a TON of attention for stripping. Sounds like it's a lot of fun for him. YOU have to figure out a way to make it not fun.

NOT like a punishment, but more of a "look how much fun the other kids are having! Don't you wish you could have fun too?" type of motivator....

Make him WANT to stay dressed...kwim?
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craftymissbeth 01:17 PM 03-11-2014
I do have a super yard.. Ill try it on Friday when they're here next. Today he would NOT lay down for nap and kept running off. I finally just put him in a PNP but he climbs out. I finally calmed him down by making him a glass of water and he laid right down and went to sleep.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 01:21 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I do have a super yard.. Ill try it on Friday when they're here next. Today he would NOT lay down for nap and kept running off. I finally just put him in a PNP but he climbs out. I finally calmed him down by making him a glass of water and he laid right down and went to sleep.
He is three!!! I am saying that in total shock not at you but with you. Holy cow. You need to have Mom and Dad help you get him to a point of actually being able to follow directions.

I have had children as young as 21 months start here who do fine on a cot. I had one, at one point, who would get up if you went potty and he was still awake (2.5, developmentally behind due to bad foster care) but that was it. I can't imagine a 3-year-old being that crazy on a cot. How stressful!
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blandino 01:25 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Oh please send him to me. I love kids like this. He sounds brilliant.

Backwards footed pajamas, cease potty training, and a declaration of war would be phase one.
Nan, I love this.

I have one who is just starting to try out voicing her opinion when she doesn't like what is going on. The other day at lunch, we were on trip 3 back and forth from her pack-and-play to the table, and my assistant asked "Do you want me to take over ?", I said "Are you kidding me, I can't wait to show her how it works".
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craftymissbeth 01:27 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
He is three!!! I am saying that in total shock not at you but with you. Holy cow. You need to have Mom and Dad help you get him to a point of actually being able to follow directions.

I have had children as young as 21 months start here who do fine on a cot. I had one, at one point, who would get up if you went potty and he was still awake (2.5, developmentally behind due to bad foster care) but that was it. I can't imagine a 3-year-old being that crazy on a cot. How stressful!
My 21 mo dcg looks at him like he has three heads while she lays on her mat. And actually she's normally very well behaved but new dcb has her acting out. AND my other 3 yo with behavior issues is actually behaving very very well

I'm going to talk to mom today. Not sure what to say though.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 01:33 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
My 21 mo dcg looks at him like he has three heads while she lays on her mat. And actually she's normally very well behaved but new dcb has her acting out. AND my other 3 yo with behavior issues is actually behaving very very well

I'm going to talk to mom today. Not sure what to say though.
I have found that the crazy pants mcgee daycare kids usually behave better when there's a new crazy pants mcgee in care. It makes it nice that they are behaving (AND it shows you that they CAN!), but sadly they are replaced by another.

Print off a developmental checklist for him (one that shows the areas he is struggling in) and check off what he has mastered. Give to mom. I would also talk with her about what your expectations for the kids are in your care and what you are currently working on with him. "If you could please work on Jack following directions at home as well that would greatly benefit him."
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craftymissbeth 01:34 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I have found that the crazy pants mcgee daycare kids usually behave better when there's a new crazy pants mcgee in care. It makes it nice that they are behaving (AND it shows you that they CAN!), but sadly they are replaced by another.
very true
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cheerfuldom 01:35 PM 03-11-2014
Normally I would agree with BC .....

but I would NOT do timeouts in any form for this. Allowing an un-potty trained child to sit naked in the room? First of all, I would not want to clean up accidents. Second of all, I can't imagine that most parents would be happy about a child being required to sit naked.....I know I would be livid if this is how a provider wanted to address the situation.

I would redress child in clothing that they can not strip off and go about our day. That is not extra attention. That is one minute to redress and then the struggle is over for the day, no timeouts, no accidents, no nothing.

To address BCs question, I think this would be teaching him that I am one step ahead of him at all times Stripping down does not work here! I don't see it as a temporary cure, I see it as a permanent solution. I would require the footed jammies for one week and then give him a day in regular clothes, back to jammies if need be. They make light weight cotton that he can wear for summer and you can put shoes over the feet and send him outside in that. I had one child wear this for 6 months but yes, this permanently "cured" the issue. Works great for diaper diggers too.
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Blackcat31 01:35 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:

I'm going to talk to mom today. Not sure what to say though.
Ask her what their strategies are for getting him to comply at home.

Do they just give in or do they know what his "currency" is?

The parents really should be the ones working the hardest to fix this...he can't be stripping his clothes off when he gets to Kindy....

It honestly sounds like he is just a stubborn little guy who thinks he gets a say in the matter and when life doesn't go according to his plan, he does what he can to control it....which is stripping.

It's funny but it is also outright defiance. kwim?

He needs to know that taking his clothes off is actually MORE work/trouble/hassle for him than it is for you (or mom/dad). Right now it's only the adults in his life that are stressing about this...he certainly isn't.

..and we all know what Dr Phil says about that....

"People will only change their behavior when it becomes an issue for THEM".

That is why I said you need to find his currency. Him getting undressed bothers the adults in is life and HE has figured that out...you just have to be one step ahead of him and figure out what motivates him to change his behavior.
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Blackcat31 01:38 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Normally I would agree with BC .....

but I would NOT do timeouts in any form for this. Allowing an un-potty trained child to sit naked in the room? First of all, I would not want to clean up accidents. Second of all, I can't imagine that most parents would be happy about a child being required to sit naked.....I know I would be livid if this is how a provider wanted to address the situation.

I would redress child in clothing that they can not strip off and go about our day. That is not extra attention. That is one minute to redress and then the struggle is over for the day, no timeouts, no accidents, no nothing.
That is why I suggested the play yard or separate area.

But as far as the nakedness...meh....we're a daycare with little kids....everyone has seen everything. Plus it isn't forever.

I am not a school, I am not a public place. I would normally never allow anyone to be naked al willy nilly but in this case....the nakedness CAN NOT be a factor in the power struggle because as long as it is, that will be the DCB's method of control.

...and I refuse to give that kind of power to a kid.
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craftymissbeth 01:40 PM 03-11-2014
His parents do TO for stripping. I told her he has a place to calm down but he has to have clothes on. I am NOT struggling with a 3 yo to put their clothes back on... And it's NOT a one minute thing when I say he's stubborn I mean he's bordering into ODD territory.
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Blackcat31 01:50 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
His parents do TO for stripping. I told her he has a place to calm down but he has to have clothes on. I am NOT struggling with a 3 yo to put their clothes back on... And it's NOT a one minute thing when I say he's stubborn I mean he's bordering into ODD territory.
THAT was my kid. (my own son)

That's why I am here. I had NO plans of being a child care provider, but when your own child is that stubborn and difficult, no one in their right mind would keep him so I had to.

I did a ton of research into motivators and learned that finding one's motivator is THE key to pretty much all their issues.

My kid would be given a choice. Pick up your toys or I will throw them away.

His response : "throw them away" and then would proceed to help me throw them in the garbage can.

He was that kind of a kid.
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daycare 01:52 PM 03-11-2014
so if you get him to keep his clothing on, how do you stop the tantrum? The tantrum is still going to happen with out without clothing,

You did not get to the bottom of the cause.

what is causing this child to act this way? Is he scared? Is he hungry?

We can all agree to disagree, but I don't think its appropriate to just make clothing not accessible on a child at this age and ignore that they are lasing out for a reason. They are old enough to make conversation and understand. Regardless of their speech ability. Unless their is some mental delay, I just don't understand why you would not take the time to get to the root of the mater by teaching the child how to cope appropriately when they feel.

I want to edit to add that you need to help this child with a strategy. Help this child learn what to do when they feel frustrated, angry, sad, or upset. Provde him with simple strategies to help him regulate his emotions. Make him come to you when he is upset and help him define how he is feeling and help calm him down or give him words to say. Children want to be heard too. Not just stripped of their emotions. Plan ahead, be proactive. stop it before it starts.
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craftymissbeth 02:53 PM 03-11-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
so if you get him to keep his clothing on, how do you stop the tantrum? The tantrum is still going to happen with out without clothing,

You did not get to the bottom of the cause.

what is causing this child to act this way? Is he scared? Is he hungry?

We can all agree to disagree, but I don't think its appropriate to just make clothing not accessible on a child at this age and ignore that they are lasing out for a reason. They are old enough to make conversation and understand. Regardless of their speech ability. Unless their is some mental delay, I just don't understand why you would not take the time to get to the root of the mater by teaching the child how to cope appropriately when they feel.

I want to edit to add that you need to help this child with a strategy. Help this child learn what to do when they feel frustrated, angry, sad, or upset. Provde him with simple strategies to help him regulate his emotions. Make him come to you when he is upset and help him define how he is feeling and help calm him down or give him words to say. Children want to be heard too. Not just stripped of their emotions. Plan ahead, be proactive. stop it before it starts.
I don't know if you missed it but today was only his second day here. I haven't had much time to figure him out so that I CAN help him. If I didn't want to help him I'd call it quits already.

The pajamas prevented him from taking off his clothing which actually stopped the tantrums in their track... or at least all of them other than nap time. I provide a safe place for them to go when they're angry where they can be alone and calm down.

I'm not sure why you think I just want him to stop feeling emotions. I don't. Mom and I talked today and I told her what he feels is perfectly fine but he needs help finding appropriate ways to express himself. Getting naked is NOT the appropriate solution to anger.
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daycare 03:00 PM 03-11-2014
I did see that you said that it was better today, but then you said:

True. I've tried putting him time out... he runs, I put him back, he runs, I put him back... over and over. The time out ends up being more of a struggle than the stripping.

I feel so lost

It just seemed like everyone was quick to say put on the backwards PJ and leave it. The kid still tried to take those off? Why did he try to do that? Obviously he is upset about something. 2nd day there, I bet he is scared out of his mind and does not know the appropriate way to respond with how he is feeling. Not saying that you are not helping validate his feelings, I was saying that I think it would help if you talked with the child and help him define how he is feeling when he does that and show/give him strategies that he can use when he is feeling that way. every new relationship is built on trust and communication, I would just tried to show him this so he knows that I am here to help and protect him. I am sure that you are trying to do that too..

I am sorry if you took it as an attack, I didn't mean it in that way.
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