Hi, I am a licensed home DCP for a year and a half now. I have had E in my care since he was 3 mos (he is now 17mos) 5 days per week 8-5. He cries over everything, he hates to nap and he is just difficult. I have had the same schedule since day 1 and he just does not get it.

The 2nd babe I have had for 3 months Tuesday thru Thursday 8-5. He is a 7 month old, J, he cries everytime I put him down, wheather it be to change his diaper, or to bed in the pack n play, or if I put him down with toys with the other kids. He cries every time.

How would you handle these two?

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I have a just turned 1 yr old that is the very same way. I have a really nice play area, called Sights and Sounds, it was $100 and worth every penny. I put the 1 yr old in there and let him walk, crawl, play what ever he wants. And he chooses to cry. Nothing wrong with him, just is a big whiner that is all. If he has quit crying and I walk by, he starts up again. Some little ones are simply just whiny and criers. For some rotten reason that is just their nature.

When it comes to naptime, I simply put him in his pack in play, turn off the light, turn on the fan, and turn on the radio to drown out the crying. He will fall asleep within 10 to 15 minutes. It is pitch dark in the room too, you can't see anything, and I think that really helps.

It took a while for me to get used to the nature of this child. They other kids will say.....he is whining again. He is very BIG for his age (close to 30#, and to pick him and hold him is a killer, and he doesn't want to be held, he squirms and arches his back. He simply just whines......unless he has food in front of him. I feel for ya.

If I had two that acted like that......If you have a room where you can set up 2 pack in plays I would put them both in 1 room. Make the room as dark as you possibly can, maybe put something over the windows, make sure they are dry, fed, and put them down at the same time every morning and afternoon. Turn on a radio to drown out the crying, and shut the door behind you. They should eventually stop and if you do it faithfully everyday, they will eventually learn. I guess I feel if they are going to cry and whine while up, they can just do it behind closed doors, because it sets a bad tone for the other little ones and is just so nerving to hear constantly.

Good luck.

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Today I have a 1 yr old (one mentioned above) and all he does is whine and me and the other kids get so sick of hearing it. They even asked me to put him in another room and shut the door. It is absolutely rediculous. He is in the same room with the other children, so he can interact with them. He has the freedom to walk, sit, crawl, play, and he chooses to hand on the edge of the play zone and just whine. Don't get it. When I put him in the high chair to eat, if I don't literrally stand in front of him in his sight, he will twist and turn in the chair straining to look around and see where I am and whine. Some days it is really hard to deal with, and those days I just put him to bed. He is the same way pretty much at home, from what the parents say. So frustrating and annoying.

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I have one that is slowly getting better. Some days are better then others. She has just learned to crawl & to walk along furniture, being mobile has helped some. I try to teach the kids in my care that if they whine or cry it is time to go to bed. When this one goes to bed I need to wrap her up in a swaddle blanket or she will cry even more & much longer. When she gets wraped up she will be out in 5-10 minutes if I dont she crys for MUCH longer & will only sleep 1/2 the time. I'm not sure what I will do when she out grows the swaddle blanket, which will be real soon.

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Are these babies the parents first children?

I'm going to bet that these kids are constantly the center of attention at home, mom and dad dote upon their every hiccup and fart.

In other words, it sounds like they're spoiled. You just have to "unspoil" them.....it's not easy, but it can be done.

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Yes, all of the babies I care for are first babies. I am just not sure how to unspoil them. Advice on that?

My son who is 3 was a very chill baby, so these two are very different than anything I have ever experienced.

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Yesterday at pick up, mom of my whiney one asked me if he was doing better. I said no, and explained what he was doing. She said he does the same thing at home. Will reach up and grab hold of her shirt or leg and hang on her and follow her every step. So, She ALLOWS this behavior at home, which makes it very hard for me. At 1, they should be learning to play and be content on their own. I put him in the play area and he hangs on the edges and watches me and cries. GRR.

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At my former center we had this little girl a little over a year who did the same thing at dc and at home. Mom allowed it as well. She told us that she was a "momma's girl". We couldn't let her cry all day because it looked bad on us. She would get worse esp. if she knew someone else different IE a parent, or even worse state, or some other authority. Then again we did our best to please her. It was a situation where darn if you do, darn if you don't.

I am now a current nanny to a 20 mo. sweet little boy. His mother works in the home however she stays upstairs and only comes downstairs for lunch, etc. There are some days where she catches me playing and singing etc. on the floor (or she hears me) Other days she catches me just sitting on the couch or chair. I explained to her that I didn't always want to hover over him because he has got to learn to play by myself. She was not upset at all about it. In fact she liked it. I explained to her because if I didn't, he would find no way of entertaining himself and all that good stuff.

Long story short, I can speak from experience that I know exactly what you are talking about. My only solace is that they do grow up!

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I know it sounds mean, but sometimes you just have to let them cry it out....eventually they come to realize that the whole octopus approach isn't working and they get over it. But, you can't give into the "klingon" and crying-if their shorts are clean, their tummies full, and it's not nap time, they're going to have to learn to chill out.

With clingy young kids, I will drag out a toy that is bright colored, noisy, interactive, etc. One of the best I ever saw for this was a little car-looking thing they sat at that made all kinds of squeaks, honks, clicks, etc with levers, buttons, switches, etc. Set them down, show them how it works, and step back and let them entertain themselves.

A young boy my wife started watching this summer was this same way....he'd cry the instant you let go of him, now he's cooled off to where he is OK if he can see you....step into the other room, and he goes berserk until you come back. He's getting better each day.

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"If the child doesn't eat at one meal and it has to be thrown out they are done eating for the day, they get no more food. Measly pay. Needing little butts spanked. Not wanting the govt involved in the business. If the crying is too much put them to bed, drown them out with a radio and shut the door to a pitch dark room."

All I can say is wow ...

I wonder if any of this could possibly contribute to his distress?

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Congratulations on the ability to copy/paste multiple posts and take them out of context, all while remaining anonymous to the members of the forum.

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Yes, just what I was thinking. Whoever it was actually took the time to search thru posts to piece together information. Some people thrive on causing problems. I hope they had fun doing it.

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I didn't search through any posts to put together info. I've been here for a few weeks reading and the more posts I read the more disturbed I become. I am a foster mother and the things you have written are truly upsetting.
Anyone can read for themselves. I didn't take anything out of context.

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Whatever, And yes, you did take things out of context.....you pulled bits and pieces from several post to TRY to make a point, not allowing the full meaning of each comment to be presented and not explaining where the different bits of information came from. I do hope you feel better now. Amazing how some thrive on those type of post.

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Yes, you did indeed take it out of context. Because no one on this thread even wrote the part about eating/measly pay/little butts spanked or the govt.

I am the one who asked the original question by the way.

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You make me crack up! Thanks for the much needed laugh!

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I have been a provider for over 10 years, I rarely ever advertise and I am always full. I run a good program. I do a preschool curriculum. I have a nice fenced in play area for the kids. I have lots of activities and toys for them. I never close. My parents and my dc kids respect me and love me, and honestly, I am sick of the "unregistered" that come here to slam me. I am a good provider and my track record reflects that.

You took and pulled things from my different post, only putting in "what you wanted people to see". Must be nice to have time to bully people.

Do I believe in spanking. YEP. But only my own children, NOT dc children.

Do I believe in timeouts. YEP. What else is there for us to do.

Do I believe in no snacks when your lunch is thrown out. YEP, especially when repeat behavior, and especially when the parents tell me to do it. No one ever starves at my daycare.

Do I believe the government gets their nose in too many peoples business. YEP. I have several sets of parents in my home throughout the day, I don't need the government telling me a 14 mo can not sleep with a blanket.

Do I believe that when you have a whiner on board, that sometimes the only thing that will work is to put them down and turn on the music and shut off the lights. YEP. And it WORKS.

I am respectfully asking that YOU "Unregistered", get off my back.

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One of the reasons the USDA food program exists for LICENSED and PERMITTED day cares is because the food the child gets at day care is often the ONLY food they will have that day. A lot of children go home from day care and do not see another meal or snack that day. So what if they don't eat? You are getting paid. And if you WERE licensed or permitted they would not allow you to PUNISH WITH FOOD or WITHOLD FOOD.

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If a parent is NOT feeding their child supper, then THEY are in the wrong for doing so. I always fed my kids 3 meals a day plus other. I grew up that snacks and treats were a priviledge, and if you waste your meal then you wait till the NEXT meal to eat again. Tough love. Kids in my care get 2 nutritious meals a day, plus other snacks/treats, as long as they follow the rules.

Just wanted to add: This was my post, I had cleaned out my computer and did not reregister before posting. mac60

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I agree, sometimes when you have a whiner, you put them in a pack n play, turn on the fan, and close the door. There is only so much screaming and whining anyone can take and this process works 99.9 percent of the time. It doesn't take long for the kids (including one year olds-they are not dumb) to get the picture. Unfortunately, they get away with the whining at home, and this is why they do it. I have one right now who does the same thing, and if she doesn't stop, you bet, she goes down for nap. If your going to whine in front of me, you can do it in the pack n play alone, until you learn it is unacceptable behavior. She also screams when any of the other children walk near her, talk to her, try to play with her, etc. She has an older brother that is a handful, and I believe this is the only way at home she gets her voice heard. But it is not the way around here. I would go insane listening to the screaming if I couldn't re-train the bahavior.

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Yep I am in the process of trainning 2 of my little ones that if they whine they will go to bed. I figure when they whine that is my clue they are tired.

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I had a nearly 4 year old spit on another child's food at lunch today...I took her food, dumped it, and excused her from the table (after I got the other child a new plate!)

What should I have done..."no sweetie, we don't spit." Good grief, what happened to teaching children proper behavior. One missed meal is NOT going to cause trauma...but it might teach the child some manners!

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I have done the same thing at home when one of my kids has spit in the other's food (yeah... they are hellions). I've never, ever been one to punish my children by making them skip a meal, but you can bet that if they act like that at the table, they are sent to bed without eating what's left on their plate. Honestly, what else COULD you do?

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In TX you are not allowed to use food as a reward or punishment. This minimum standard I hold mixed feelings with. I always gave my kiddos M and M's or something small when they cleaned up, or did something outstanding. Sometimes with a group of 4 and 5 y.o's you have to!

However, on the flip side meaning the punishment, no you can not withhold food. No I do not believe in withholding snacks because the child didn't eat lunch. AM snack was at 8:30, lunch 11:00 and finally PM snack was at 3:00 (or whatever time naptime was over sometimes even 2:30) So if a child didn't eat lunch, by withholding snack, that child wouldn't eat again until dinner. Most of the kids wouldn't get picked up until close to 6:00 if not later.
I am sorry but that is to long for ME to go without food, I can imagne how it is being a child.

That being said, yes I do agree with "taking away a plate" at lunch and letting life go on. But to withhold snacks because the child didn't eat lunch or misbehaved or whatever, I believe is ridiculous.

So I will have to agree to disagree with my colleagues

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We also can use food as a punishment either. If a child does not eat lunch I will still give him/her a snack. I just will not give then a big snack & allow them to fill up on it. They should have ate lunch.

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That is completely different from complaining that the same kids don't eat lunch all the time and therefore if they don't eat their lunch they are "done for the day". Of course if they are eating lunch and spit in another child's plate they should be removed from the lunch table. But you don't withhold food as a punishment and make a child go without eathing for 5, 6 or more hours just because you are annoyed that you threw some food in the trash.
Why not use a different approach and offer one bite of each item? Then if they don't eat you haven't thrown away much at all.
You also don't shut kids in a room and force a nap. That is not okay and is in fact against most states licensing regs. If it is naptime fine, if they are tired and ready for one fine. But to force a nap or rest period because you can't take the whining? Working with children one on one and teaching them acceptable behavior and helping them adjust appropriately to the day care situation is what is called for. And after a trial period if they can't adjust then remove them and enroll someone who can.
I am just imagining these poor kids later in life who were shut in a dark room with the radio on to drown them out and left there and forced to nap because they were whiney. I can't even imagine the trauma this is causing in their little minds every day. It likens to a horror movie to me. They are upset and asking for comfort and they are being put in a pack n play and shut in a loud, dark room. I wonder if it's the same kids who also don't get to eat. I would whine too! I'd be HUNGRY! I'm sorry, it's my opinion and that's how I feel.
There are better ways to work with children and help them adapt.

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FYI, I never said I forced a child to nap, when a very young child whines and nothing consoles him, you put him to bed and with in minutes he is sleeping....HE WAS TIRED......and by the way, I never said I put on LOUD music, yes I turn the radio on it helps drown out his crying and the noise of the other children playing, IT IS NOT LOUD. As far as being dark, if I leave a light on in the room, he will NOT go to sleep, so I turn it out. Don't know that there is anything wrong with that, as most people sleep with the lights out. I have a small room I am able to use instead of the main dc area. As far as the child crying because he is hungry, where did you come up with that. This child is 14 mo old and NEVER missed eating a meal at my house.....he is almost 30 pounds.

So, I really am tired of you constantly posting things you THINK I have said and THINK I have done. You have never met me. Your bullying is getting old. You are the same person unregistered that did this a couple days ago,

Remember This:" If the child doesn't eat at one meal and it has to be thrown out they are done eating for the day, they get no more food. Measly pay. Needing little butts spanked. Not wanting the govt involved in the business. If the crying is too much put them to bed, drown them out with a radio and shut the door to a pitch dark room."

All I can say is wow ...

I wonder if any of this could possibly contribute to his distress?
_________________________________________________

Like I said, you pulled out of post what you wanted changing the context of the words and meanings.
I have proof the post are from the same Unregistered person. Please leave me alone.
I would take it to a pm, but gees, unregistered people can't receive pms.

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I agree with you. It saddens me to read some of these comments from my colleagues, whom I have the UTMOST respect for, about how they run their businesses and child care practices. But this is a forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Another one of my opinions is that I can't wait until this forum requires you to sign in every time you post! Maybe perhaps 1 ID per email address. It would make this forum SO much easier!

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I agree with you. I had a hard enough time swallowing the pill that I had to let my own daughter cry it out at night so that I could get some sleep. I can't imagine forcing that opinion on someone else by inflicting it on their child.

Where I'm at, it's also against licensing standards to withhold food or use food as a reinforcer. If a child is misbehaving at the table I remove them from the table (like, literally 5 feet away from the table) until they are ready to cooperate. This has been very effective for me. I don't have a huge table, but still I manage to seat the kids far enough apart that they are not close enough to one another to be able to spit in each other's food. The worst I hear is "____ is kicking me!" hehe. Once a child has been playing with their food for 20 minutes without taking a bite, I take it away, but I definitely would not withhold their afternoon snack because of this. Right after lunch is nap time.

This is where my disagreement with your statement starts ... there's nothing wrong with mandating a rest time. All my kids rest. They don't have to sleep, but they have to lie down for a while. The non-sleepers come with me after about half an hour of resting quietly to do a craft quietly, then look at some books, do puzzles or whatever. Children really do benefit from a little cool-down period.

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I have asked before and am asking again, please quit taking bits and pieces from peoples post and using them out of context. It is the same "unregistered" that is doing it, and I respectfully asked that she stop once before. You are making "mis-statements" about posts and what you THINK people said/and or are doing, because you are only using the bits and pieces you choose.

1) I don't withhold food for 4 or 5 or 6 hours, I have NEVER said that. I serve each child 2 meals per day, hopefully they eat it, sometimes they don't. I also serve snacks.

2) I also don't shut kids in a room and force a nap. Damn, I wish I knew HOW to force a kid to sleep, would make my days much better. If a under 1 1/2 yr old is doing nothing but whining and nothing consoles them, I will put them to bed in a dark room and they WILL go to sleep, only because they are TIRED, I certainly didn't or CAN'T force a 1 1/2 yr old to sleep. Gees. Oh yea, I DO use the radio, along with a LOT OF OTHER PROVIDERS.

QUOTE """"""I am just imagining these poor kids later in life who were shut in a dark room with the radio on to drown them out and left there and forced to nap because they were whiney. I can't even imagine the trauma this is causing in their little minds every day. It likens to a horror movie to me. They are upset and asking for comfort and they are being put in a pack n play and shut in a loud, dark room. I wonder if it's the same kids who also don't get to eat. I would whine too! I'd be HUNGRY!"""""" What drama..........Just how do you come up with this stuff. Please, just leave me alone, enough is enough.

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To be fair, Mac60, you *did* say that when a child is constantly crying and there is nothing you can do, you put them in a dark room and turn the radio on to drown out the crying. To me, this brings on a visualization that is as unbearable as some of the other posters here are describing. Perhaps we misunderstood you... Maybe it's not as bad as it sounds? In describing a stressful situation and venting about it, is it possible that you made it sound a certain way, but the rest of us just don't get it?

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Also to be fair, you *did* say that if they don't eat their lunch they are done for the day, and that they are not getting a snack later. So stop playing the victim. I am not "bullying" you. I am genuinely concerned. I have not come after you in any kind of vicious way and I have not personally attacked you in any way. Your posts are alarming to me and to others.
I have actually replied to other postings of yours where I agreed with what you wrote. So I am certainly not coming after you personally or trying to bully you. If you were my best friend in life I would still say the same things to you.

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Yea well, I will stop playing the victim when you stop posting bits and pieces of what I put in my post, taking things out of context. Putting YOUR initerpretation of what I write. I am done. Hope it stops here.

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Folks, let's not forget that this is a place to support one another, not to bring them down.

This career is challenging enough without the added stress of being dumped on by the people that we are venting to. It's a tough call with taking away a plate from a kid, but if the child is being blatantly disrespectful and isn't allowing the others to eat their food, not to mention spitting is a disgusting habit and a huge disease spreader! I see that type of behavior as a way of the child telling me that they are not hungry. Maybe at snack time they will be ready to eat. As far as having dck's that cry constantly, at nap time this is an issue for others so what is a person supposed to do? I have one that has a funky nap schedule and 5 others that nap at the same time every day like clock work. Do I just let the one stay up and ruin nap for the others? I

In the wise words of Spock..."The needs of the one do not outweigh the needs of the many." (it may not be exactly that, but the spirit of the quote is the same." If you all have better solutions, then by all means offer them, but for crying out loud, this is supposed to be a place for support, not a place to tear people down. Help each other out, you all know that this is a tough gig.

Janet

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Mac, there are often times when I do not agree with what you post. We are all entitled to our opinions here. And everything that you post is open to the interpretation of all who read it. If you meant something in one way and it was interpreted in another, why not say so? If you were simply venting (which is your right), why not say so?

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At this point........It is not a matter of whether we agree on certain child rearing situations, I understand and respect that we all have our own ideas of what is right or wrong, as some parents/providers are much more lax in how a child behaves, it is not a matter of was I just venting or not, or did someone interpret what I wrote a way I didn't mean........at this point, and I said it before, it is a matter of someone pulling bits and pieces out of my post trying to make a point, putting THEIR interpretation of what I wrote, not allowing the full meaning of each comment to be presented. That is the problem. Not difference of opinions or how something was interpreted.

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Did I neglect to mention that one of my personality traits is being a consummate smartass?

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