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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Criminal At Home Daycare - Heroin
BoyMom1030 08:10 AM 08-04-2016
So my son's father unilaterally (and in contempt) enrolled my son into a daycare and will NOT put me on the daycare list (again illegal per our Court Order). Since "the father is her client" theres not much I can do other than fight it in court. Well a few weeks ago, her son, whom uses the daycares address as his home address, was arrested for possession of heroin, use, and intent to distribute. Mind you this isn't his first offense with same address used, and also he is in court today for an accident caused by him being high on drugs. Did I mention there was a 6 year old boy in his car when he was arrested with the drugs? Was it a daycare boy??? His father claims that the provider stated he only uses her address and he does not live there. Still! He goes there, if thats the address what if he's bad into drugs and doesn't pay then all these criminals go to that address?! I'm sickened by this! What would you parents do?!
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spedmommy4 08:43 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by BoyMom1030:
So my son's father unilaterally (and in contempt) enrolled my son into a daycare and will NOT put me on the daycare list (again illegal per our Court Order). Since "the father is her client" theres not much I can do other than fight it in court. Well a few weeks ago, her son, whom uses the daycares address as his home address, was arrested for possession of heroin, use, and intent to distribute. Mind you this isn't his first offense with same address used, and also he is in court today for an accident caused by him being high on drugs. Did I mention there was a 6 year old boy in his car when he was arrested with the drugs? Was it a daycare boy??? His father claims that the provider stated he only uses her address and he does not live there. Still! He goes there, if thats the address what if he's bad into drugs and doesn't pay then all these criminals go to that address?! I'm sickened by this! What would you parents do?!
I don't know of any states where a biological parent can be denied access to their child. I've had lots of separated/divorced/never married parents and I've told them all that I cannot legally deny the other parent access without a court order.

If he's violating a court order by enrolling your child in daycare, go back to court as soon as possible.

In regards to the daycare, call licensing immediately. If you feel there is danger to your child or the others, I might even call the non emergency police line.
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BoyMom1030 08:47 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
I don't know of any states where a biological parent can be denied access to their child. I've had lots of separated/divorced/never married parents and I've told them all that I cannot legally deny the other parent access without a court order.

If he's violating a court order by enrolling your child in daycare, go back to court as soon as possible.

In regards to the daycare, call licensing immediately. If you feel there is danger to your child or the others, I might even call the non emergency police line.
Thank you. We do have 50/50 legal and physical custody. He stated that since its a private home daycare that I could be asked to leave. I want to call the daycare licensing board but I'm afraid of retribution by the ex. Same token, I do NOT want my son around that kind of behavior. I am in the process of mediating the daycare situation prior to court as it is required here in Maryland.
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LysesKids 08:57 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by BoyMom1030:
Thank you. We do have 50/50 legal and physical custody. He stated that since its a private home daycare that I could be asked to leave. I want to call the daycare licensing board but I'm afraid of retribution by the ex. Same token, I do NOT want my son around that kind of behavior. I am in the process of mediating the daycare situation prior to court as it is required here in Maryland.
As was stated, legally a childcare provider cannot keep you from your child without a court order stating such; my original provider in MD (where I grew up) had to have a copy of my custody paperwork etc etc and unless there is an order stating a parent cannot be in contact with child, then the provider would legally be in the wrong... same goes for schools. Call licensing and take the ex to court immediately for violating your custody agreement
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organicdclady 09:00 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by BoyMom1030:
So my son's father unilaterally (and in contempt) enrolled my son into a daycare and will NOT put me on the daycare list (again illegal per our Court Order). Since "the father is her client" theres not much I can do other than fight it in court. Well a few weeks ago, her son, whom uses the daycares address as his home address, was arrested for possession of heroin, use, and intent to distribute. Mind you this isn't his first offense with same address used, and also he is in court today for an accident caused by him being high on drugs. Did I mention there was a 6 year old boy in his car when he was arrested with the drugs? Was it a daycare boy??? His father claims that the provider stated he only uses her address and he does not live there. Still! He goes there, if thats the address what if he's bad into drugs and doesn't pay then all these criminals go to that address?! I'm sickened by this! What would you parents do?!
Call your governing child care licensing office and explain your safety concerns for the children.
File paperwork within the court, again explaining the safety concerns you have for your child.
Theres obviously a lot I do not know about your situation and custody arrangement but the logical steps would be to report and have your child removed from a situation you feel is not safe.
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MunchkinWrangler 09:03 AM 08-04-2016
I don't know what your custody is and what your state laws are.

But what I do know that if a 50/50 custody is in effect, I cannot allow a biological parent access to their children, even if I am a private home daycare. Nor would I ever do this unless there was a court order stating not to. Honestly I would not even involve myself in this type of arrangement and would find another family.

I don't know that whole situation but I would say your ex is definitely lying to you and you have every right to know what care your child receives even if the contract is between him and the provider.

I would report the licensed home. It is UNACCEPTABLE for these type of things being in or around the daycare home. In my state, they are very strict with licensed homes regarding drug offenses and felonious incidents even if they didn't happen at the home as it is an obvious risk for children. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near that home. And I would do everything in my power to not have my child there.

Yet another reason why I became a provider. I don't trust others.
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spedmommy4 09:03 AM 08-04-2016
Yes, it's a private home. Unfortunately, when we open a business, we make it a semi-public home. Maryland has "parents rights" for child care. This is the copy I found on the licensing website.

http://earlychildhood.marylandpublic...cember2007.pdf
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MunchkinWrangler 09:04 AM 08-04-2016
Ugh, cannot deny access to children of a biological parent. Was typing too fast!
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permanentvacation 10:07 AM 08-04-2016
Take a copy of the child's birth certificate with you and your photo identification (typically your driver's license) to the daycare to prove that you are the child's mother and demand that they give you your child. If they don't, call the police and report that they are kidnapping your child from you.

The above suggestion is with expecting that you do have the legal right to go to your child's daycare and are legally allowed to take possession of your child. If it is court ordered that you not go to the child's daycare or that you are not allowed to take possession of your child on specific days/times, or not at all, then you have to follow the court order.
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BoyMom1030 10:08 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
I don't know what your custody is and what your state laws are.

But what I do know that if a 50/50 custody is in effect, I cannot allow a biological parent access to their children, even if I am a private home daycare. Nor would I ever do this unless there was a court order stating not to. Honestly I would not even involve myself in this type of arrangement and would find another family.

I don't know that whole situation but I would say your ex is definitely lying to you and you have every right to know what care your child receives even if the contract is between him and the provider.

I would report the licensed home. It is UNACCEPTABLE for these type of things being in or around the daycare home. In my state, they are very strict with licensed homes regarding drug offenses and felonious incidents even if they didn't happen at the home as it is an obvious risk for children. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near that home. And I would do everything in my power to not have my child there.

Yet another reason why I became a provider. I don't trust others.
Yes I think my ex is lying and leaving him with his gf (whom has been arrested for 2nd degree murder - nolle pros and had protective order against her that just expired to stay away from my child). Sounds like I'm some "hick" or bad person. I'm an engineer and do EVERYTHING for my son because he is my world. I'm a FTM so maybe I'm over protective but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I appreciate your information and response. I called the licensing agency and explained the son of the homecare provider, how she screamed at me so loud on the phone my employees heard it, and how she allowed him back prior to HFM being cleared per doctors orders (what else is she allowing there?!). I have nothing against a good child care facility. I am now using friends in my church I trust and that he is familiar with until an opening is available in a few months for both parties to use. Such a tough age at 21 months to find quick openings
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BoyMom1030 10:12 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Take a copy of the child's birth certificate with you and your photo identification (typically your driver's license) to the daycare to prove that you are the child's mother and demand that they give you your child. If they don't, call the police and report that they are kidnapping your child from you.

The above suggestion is with expecting that you do have the legal right to go to your child's daycare and are legally allowed to take possession of your child. If it is court ordered that you not go to the child's daycare or that you are not allowed to take possession of your child on specific days/times, or not at all, then you have to follow the court order.
The issue they're saying is the court order states another daycare. I was unemployed (due to my son's father not attending multiple appointments and his gf filing false reports in which they all lost and were pretty much yelled at for). Therefore, I withdrew him bc the order stated "shall attend if both parties are WORKING". He wanted to pay both our portions and not allow him with me. Its just spite. I taught my son so much. He's already semi potty trained at 21 months his dad didn't even have a potty. I understand I'm not licensed nor do I have curriculum but I'm his mommy and want the absolute best for him too so I made sure to do learning activities daily and routines. I was told since its private property if I went she could ask me to leave and/or I'd be arrested. Its insane. I mean what is being hidden??? All of this would go away if I just had some documents of when he started, attending, the medical info she has (he has some very serious conditions where he goes to Hopkins, Nemours, an allergy and asthma specialist locally, etc).
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BoyMom1030 10:13 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
Yes, it's a private home. Unfortunately, when we open a business, we make it a semi-public home. Maryland has "parents rights" for child care. This is the copy I found on the licensing website.

http://earlychildhood.marylandpublic...cember2007.pdf
Oh great information thank you so much!
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BoyMom1030 10:15 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
I don't know what your custody is and what your state laws are.

But what I do know that if a 50/50 custody is in effect, I cannot allow a biological parent access to their children, even if I am a private home daycare. Nor would I ever do this unless there was a court order stating not to. Honestly I would not even involve myself in this type of arrangement and would find another family.

I don't know that whole situation but I would say your ex is definitely lying to you and you have every right to know what care your child receives even if the contract is between him and the provider.

I would report the licensed home. It is UNACCEPTABLE for these type of things being in or around the daycare home. In my state, they are very strict with licensed homes regarding drug offenses and felonious incidents even if they didn't happen at the home as it is an obvious risk for children. I wouldn't want my child anywhere near that home. And I would do everything in my power to not have my child there.

Yet another reason why I became a provider. I don't trust others.
Agreed. The provider said her son "doesn't live there just uses the address". Well he's used it for 4 years when he first got arrested for heroin. He also has been there during drop off when my son's father has admitted it. So its still concerning. Is he high, does he have things on him and touching my kid? (again maybe I overreact...i'm a germaphobe as it is haha)
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Cat Herder 10:22 AM 08-04-2016
50/50 physical custody? What is your parenting time split? One week with you, one with Dad?
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Leigh 10:25 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by BoyMom1030:
Thank you. We do have 50/50 legal and physical custody. He stated that since its a private home daycare that I could be asked to leave. I want to call the daycare licensing board but I'm afraid of retribution by the ex. Same token, I do NOT want my son around that kind of behavior. I am in the process of mediating the daycare situation prior to court as it is required here in Maryland.
They certainly CAN ask you to leave. However, if you insist on leaving with your child, they can NOT deny you that. Not without a court order stating that you're not to have access to your child.
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thrivingchildcarecom 10:26 AM 08-04-2016
As a parent and a provider, I would contact the licensing agency for the daycare and ask them to do an investigation. I know that in our state (CA) these types of matters would bring the analyst out post-haste and put our license in question. Regardless as to whether he lives there or not. If he is using the address there is an issue. My whole family (in my residence) had to be cleared for my license. My advice: CALL LICENSING!
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BoyMom1030 10:27 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
50/50 physical custody? What is your parenting time split? One week with you, one with Dad?
its called a 2-2-5-5 schedule. He has monday starting at 5pm until wednesday at 5pm when I should pick up from daycare. Then its split every other friday starting at 5 until monday at 5pm. So yesterday started my 5 days (wednesday 5pm until monday at 5pm then he gets monday until wednesday and i get back until he has long weekend from friday at 5pm until wednesday at 5pm). I looked at it from future point of view for school bus knowing same times and days and to alternate weekends because my family lives in PA so I could have a weekend to see them.
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BoyMom1030 10:30 AM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by thrivingchildcarecom:
As a parent and a provider, I would contact the licensing agency for the daycare and ask them to do an investigation. I know that in our state (CA) these types of matters would bring the analyst out post-haste and put our license in question. Regardless as to whether he lives there or not. If he is using the address there is an issue. My whole family (in my residence) had to be cleared for my license. My advice: CALL LICENSING!
Thank you so much! I just got off the phone with them a short bit ago after some posts. I was a little afraid in case I was a mom making a big deal when I shouldn't but I just want my child safe. They are definitely going to be looking into the son and the other information. I feel better knowing that at least.
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Cat Herder 11:03 AM 08-04-2016
Do your orders include the right of first refusal? That is, if either of you is physically unable to be with your child (work), the other has first choice of providing care. If so, it is pretty easy; just go get him every time. (Often times very high conflict, though)

IME, the court affords the same respect of parental child care choices to both parents. Dad's choice of daycare will be given the same respect as your choice to keep your son, yourself (unless your judge is over 60 )

You have to be so careful. Interference or micro-managing of Dad's time can cost you big time in court later. It can be hard to fight the urge to find fault, but the bigger picture must be thought of before sounding the alarm. Learning to compartmentalize "Dad's life with child" and "Mom's life with child" as separate worlds helps. DS lives in both worlds, you only exist in one. DS has a right to a full relationship with both of you.

Are you really worried that Dad will allow physical harm to his child or does having no control over the situation make it inflamed for you? No judgement, , I had to fight the urge every time my EX took my kids out of State for extended trips (pre-verbal was the worst! making them go as older teens was a close second. ) and would not even tell me (or them) which state. It was a bait to conflict. I learned to not bite pretty quickly, early on. It trickles down to the kids, they feel it all. I always told them their Dad just liked surprises and to go with it. They packed for three seasons . I then kept enough money back for a flight across the country in case of emergency. I was "chill" and had a bit of "control" that way.

9 more months and the whole "co-parenting" thing ends for me. Oh, who am I kidding. It will never end... graduations, weddings, births, etc, etc, etc... It is a long game. Horrible if high conflict. Always take the high road if there is a choice. I'd let licensing deal with the current childcare issue.
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BoyMom1030 12:50 PM 08-04-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Do your orders include the right of first refusal? That is, if either of you is physically unable to be with your child (work), the other has first choice of providing care. If so, it is pretty easy; just go get him every time. (Often times very high conflict, though)

IME, the court affords the same respect of parental child care choices to both parents. Dad's choice of daycare will be given the same respect as your choice to keep your son, yourself (unless your judge is over 60 )

You have to be so careful. Interference or micro-managing of Dad's time can cost you big time in court later. It can be hard to fight the urge to find fault, but the bigger picture must be thought of before sounding the alarm. Learning to compartmentalize "Dad's life with child" and "Mom's life with child" as separate worlds helps. DS lives in both worlds, you only exist in one. DS has a right to a full relationship with both of you.

Are you really worried that Dad will allow physical harm to his child or does having no control over the situation make it inflamed for you? No judgement, , I had to fight the urge every time my EX took my kids out of State for extended trips (pre-verbal was the worst! making them go as older teens was a close second. ) and would not even tell me (or them) which state. It was a bait to conflict. I learned to not bite pretty quickly, early on. It trickles down to the kids, they feel it all. I always told them their Dad just liked surprises and to go with it. They packed for three seasons . I then kept enough money back for a flight across the country in case of emergency. I was "chill" and had a bit of "control" that way.

9 more months and the whole "co-parenting" thing ends for me. Oh, who am I kidding. It will never end... graduations, weddings, births, etc, etc, etc... It is a long game. Horrible if high conflict. Always take the high road if there is a choice. I'd let licensing deal with the current childcare issue.
Very very well put. Yes we have a RoFR clause for anything over 2 hours due to his illnesses. This was all brought up due to a letter from his old attorney stating they didn't agree to me using my sitter (or now he's stating any of them even though hes used or requested to use them all). I have done one session of mediation yesterday - went horribly...and have to do another in order to take anything to court and tried to be reasonable but he is, i'm sorry to say it, a narcissist. Winked at me across the table and laughed at me and called me everything and lied. I almost felt bad because I knew I had documents to negate every single thing he said. Admitting he drank "a beer" at a crab fest and waited hours then picked my son up to bring him to me. He and his gf both have multiple DUIs, jail and all that for drugs, etc. My concern, only my son. His is power, control, and money. He can not pay a dime and still visit and all that. I literally could have her in jail for things recently done but keep trying to take the high road like you say but its getting harder and harder.
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Cat Herder 01:38 PM 08-04-2016
Is it possible that his only true issue with the daycare situation is having to deal with you, personally, more often? (Please don't read too far into that.

What if you two could find a daycare that would allow him to drop off for breakfast - circle time then allow you to pick up until their "clean-up to go home" time? Dad could then pick-up at daycare bypassing daily face to face time with you. Reversed on your time if Dad is off. No drama. Kid wins.

It would also give some much needed cooling off time for every one. Too much communication between exes is more damaging than none. Shoot for nods and one sentence emails, only.

I understand the not wanting GF involved, but that is one of those things we have no control over. The good side of that is Dad won't be able to limit who you have in your life, either.

The state will deal with the DUI's. Past convictions will be ignored because the courts stance is that you picked him. They don't consider child support in visitation at all, actually saying that in court will hurt your case, tread lightly.

I do wish you good luck for a peaceful outcome. Life is hard enough without this stuff, too.
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Unregistered 05:33 AM 08-05-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Is it possible that his only true issue with the daycare situation is having to deal with you, personally, more often? (Please don't read too far into that.

What if you two could find a daycare that would allow him to drop off for breakfast - circle time then allow you to pick up until their "clean-up to go home" time? Dad could then pick-up at daycare bypassing daily face to face time with you. Reversed on your time if Dad is off. No drama. Kid wins.

It would also give some much needed cooling off time for every one. Too much communication between exes is more damaging than none. Shoot for nods and one sentence emails, only.

I understand the not wanting GF involved, but that is one of those things we have no control over. The good side of that is Dad won't be able to limit who you have in your life, either.

The state will deal with the DUI's. Past convictions will be ignored because the courts stance is that you picked him. They don't consider child support in visitation at all, actually saying that in court will hurt your case, tread lightly.

I do wish you good luck for a peaceful outcome. Life is hard enough without this stuff, too.
Yes! That is the exact reason I want pick up from the daycare. Otherwise I'm out into situations where I have to meet the ex at his house or in public and it causes a lot of chaos and lies and makes me VERY uncomfortable. The new daycare (which we agree on in mediation) will allow us to not have to be in a physical place at the same time. The only concern with the others is the fact he's admitting picking him up after drinking but I live my life and all but it's sad bc the new gf posts things the community can see about "why does mommy hate you...because I'm effing awesome" and horrible things like that. I don't ever ever ever post about her nor do I want my ex back. I simply want to coparenting when he admits he wants zero coparenting and parallel parenting. Thank you for this post I understand completely what you're trying to say.
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Blackcat31 06:35 AM 08-05-2016
"Dear Dad

I haven’t hear from you since my 18th birthday a few months ago when I was finally able to make my own decisions and chose not to follow the possession schedule for the remainder of high school. At the time, I told you I still wanted to have frequent dinners and get together often but I was no longer going back and forth between households.
You accused me of letting “mom get to me”. Truth is, mom encouraged me to continue in the routine and invest in my relationship with you. It was just the most recent of a lifetime of examples.

One time when you noticed a mannerism of mine that reminded you of mom, I heard you tell my stepmom that it made you insane. When I told you something fun I did with mom, you rolled your eyes. When I was excited about an upcoming event with mom, you told me you were disappointed because you wanted to be the one to do that with me.

Sometimes you told me you’d plan something similar only bigger and better. When I asked you for something I wanted, you said I could ask mom because you gave her a child support check that would cover it. When I asked to sleep over at a friend’s house you told me not on “your weekend”. When you gave me a gift you told me to leave it at your house. When I wanted to call mom from your house, you would hover near me, listening, and then ask a bunch of questions about what she said. When I was rebellious you asked me why I was acting like my mother. When I argued you said I was being manipulated by my mom.

One time mom saw me make a face that reminded her of you and she smiled. She told my stepdad fondly, in front of me, that my father does that too. When I told her something fun I did with you, she told me how cool that sounded. When I was excited about an upcoming event with you, mom was really happy for me. She told me how lucky I was and helped me count down the days. When I asked for something I wanted and told her you said you’d sent her money, she told me I could save up for it. When I asked her if I could sleep over at a friend’s house she helped me pack a bag, walked me there and was invited to stay and visit with my friends parents.

When mom gave me a gift that I really loved, she handed it to me before I went to your house for the weekend. After I’d call you she always asked “How’s Dad doing?”. When I was rebellious she punished me. When I was argumentative she would explain her reasoning once and require me to be respectful.


The truth is;
  • I wish you’d have loved all of me. I am a lot like you, and a lot like mom. It’s who I am.
  • I wish you’d have made it possible for me to share the fun and exciting parts of my life and not have spoken so negatively about my mother
  • I wish you’d have dealt with my phases as a parent, not someone trying to win a fight or make me think badly of my mom.

The things you did might have seemed small individually, but a lifetime of those little things didn’t lay the groundwork you intended.

Instead, you don’t know me like you should and I only know you as someone who worked tirelessly to dissect my life into parts and devalue important pieces of me. I wish you had used the time raising me instead of fighting for me.

I wish you had let me love both of you.

Sincerely,

Your Grown Child"

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Unregistered 06:45 AM 08-05-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
"Dear Dad

I haven’t hear from you since my 18th birthday a few months ago when I was finally able to make my own decisions and chose not to follow the possession schedule for the remainder of high school. At the time, I told you I still wanted to have frequent dinners and get together often but I was no longer going back and forth between households.
You accused me of letting “mom get to me”. Truth is, mom encouraged me to continue in the routine and invest in my relationship with you. It was just the most recent of a lifetime of examples.

One time when you noticed a mannerism of mine that reminded you of mom, I heard you tell my stepmom that it made you insane. When I told you something fun I did with mom, you rolled your eyes. When I was excited about an upcoming event with mom, you told me you were disappointed because you wanted to be the one to do that with me.

Sometimes you told me you’d plan something similar only bigger and better. When I asked you for something I wanted, you said I could ask mom because you gave her a child support check that would cover it. When I asked to sleep over at a friend’s house you told me not on “your weekend”. When you gave me a gift you told me to leave it at your house. When I wanted to call mom from your house, you would hover near me, listening, and then ask a bunch of questions about what she said. When I was rebellious you asked me why I was acting like my mother. When I argued you said I was being manipulated by my mom.

One time mom saw me make a face that reminded her of you and she smiled. She told my stepdad fondly, in front of me, that my father does that too. When I told her something fun I did with you, she told me how cool that sounded. When I was excited about an upcoming event with you, mom was really happy for me. She told me how lucky I was and helped me count down the days. When I asked for something I wanted and told her you said you’d sent her money, she told me I could save up for it. When I asked her if I could sleep over at a friend’s house she helped me pack a bag, walked me there and was invited to stay and visit with my friends parents.

When mom gave me a gift that I really loved, she handed it to me before I went to your house for the weekend. After I’d call you she always asked “How’s Dad doing?”. When I was rebellious she punished me. When I was argumentative she would explain her reasoning once and require me to be respectful.


The truth is;
  • I wish you’d have loved all of me. I am a lot like you, and a lot like mom. It’s who I am.
  • I wish you’d have made it possible for me to share the fun and exciting parts of my life and not have spoken so negatively about my mother
  • I wish you’d have dealt with my phases as a parent, not someone trying to win a fight or make me think badly of my mom.

The things you did might have seemed small individually, but a lifetime of those little things didn’t lay the groundwork you intended.

Instead, you don’t know me like you should and I only know you as someone who worked tirelessly to dissect my life into parts and devalue important pieces of me. I wish you had used the time raising me instead of fighting for me.

I wish you had let me love both of you.

Sincerely,

Your Grown Child"
Ok. I'm sobbing. I make mistakes at times but this poem or whatever it is I feel is the exact situation. I've seen my son scream when going with his dad and instead I say he'll have so much fun! I let him take his favorite toys when his dad says "he has some leave it". I made matching shirts for Valentine's Day and not thinking twice sent a pick to show how cute my son was but I was in the picture and he was "disgusted and wanted zero pics when on my time". It's so painful to watch my son go and wonder if he's treated ok. But it's not my time. So I shower him with love, I discipline with explainations, and I try. I can't sit and preach I haven't cause an argument or two bc I'm human but I've learned and hope to get better. Ok need to stop crying at that. I'm so scared that he'll love another based off lies and not me as his mommy some days. That's my fear and my open admittance. Thank you for this.
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Blackcat31 07:00 AM 08-05-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Ok. I'm sobbing. I make mistakes at times but this poem or whatever it is I feel is the exact situation. I've seen my son scream when going with his dad and instead I say he'll have so much fun! I let him take his favorite toys when his dad says "he has some leave it". I made matching shirts for Valentine's Day and not thinking twice sent a pick to show how cute my son was but I was in the picture and he was "disgusted and wanted zero pics when on my time". It's so painful to watch my son go and wonder if he's treated ok. But it's not my time. So I shower him with love, I discipline with explainations, and I try. I can't sit and preach I haven't cause an argument or two bc I'm human but I've learned and hope to get better. Ok need to stop crying at that. I'm so scared that he'll love another based off lies and not me as his mommy some days. That's my fear and my open admittance. Thank you for this.
It IS painful. But always take the high road. for him.

He will not only see it as an example of what kind of person to be, but he will feel it when it comes to knowing what real unconditional love is.

He may at times while growing up appear to "love" someone or something more but my bet is that it's the situation or the reward, he is loving and not the actual person. Kids know real love. They can tell when it's conditional and when it's not. They can't identify and label it and they can't even define what it is they are feeling but they feel it and to feel it is to know it.

When he is an adult and you step back and look at the young man he has become, you can be proud of the fact that you were the driving force that loved him enough to do what's right for him verses the easiest thing.

Hang in there....
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Tags:abuse, abuse of drugs, crime, custody issues, divorced parents, drugs, family daycare
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