Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>My Brother Is Gone....What Do I Do About Time Off?
LaLa1923 03:23 PM 10-27-2013
I lost my brother this morning to a senseless tragedy. I informed my parents that I will be closed tomorrow.

How long should I stay closed?

How do you handle an unexpected death?


I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do........
Reply
Sugar Magnolia 03:31 PM 10-27-2013
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please try to take a week off, if possible. Peace be with you.
Reply
littlemissmuffet 03:32 PM 10-27-2013
Oh dear... I am so very sorry for your loss.

I personally would close for the week and let the parents know that they should also be prepared to have back up care for the following week as well and you will keep them in the loop. I allot myself 5 paid personal days each year - and I pay a portion of my daily fee back to parents if I run out of days. In a case like this, we have savings that would allow me to close for considerable period of time without being financially affected, but I realize that isn't the case for everyone.

That said, I would absolutely close for the week and see how you're feeling over the weekend.

Again, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. My family's thoughts are with you and yours.
Reply
Michael 03:33 PM 10-27-2013
So sorry for your loss. I think you should take as much time as you need. The first few days are the hardest and you will go through several different emotional stages. Time heals all things. Our prayers are with you and your brother.
Reply
MissAnn 03:33 PM 10-27-2013
I am so sorry. My father in law just passed away from cancer. It was expected and I let my parents know I would take 2 days off. My husband took a week off. I lost my brother several years ago when he was electrocuted at work. I was in terrible shape......I say take a minimum of 1 week off. Your parents should understand. Again.....I am so sorry.
Reply
Kabob 03:37 PM 10-27-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss!

I would do whatever works for you and your family. If you need to (and can) stay closed for a week, a month, or more, do it. If you think you won't be in a state of mind to provide care, then stay closed and take the time to grieve.

I also lost my brother unexpectedly last year as well and what helped me was to take a week to grieve and then I went back to work so that I didn't have so much time to stew in my thoughts. I also set aside an hour or two for "me time" to grieve. It helped. Eventually, it got better...but it took time. Lots of time.

If you need time, take it. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
Reply
Blackcat31 03:38 PM 10-27-2013
Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for you loss!

Depending on how you personally process this tragedy, will dictate how long you need to remain closed. In my honest opinion that is only something you can answer.

Take whatever time you feel is necessary. People grieve in their own ways and on their own schedules. There is no right or wrong time line.

I am sure your clients will all understand. Those that don't aren't worth keeping.

I know it helps to stay busy for some but re-open only when you feel you are able to physically and emotionally manage the kids you care for. YOU need to be your priority right now.

I know if it were me, I wouldn't feel obligated to go re-open until I was ready.

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.


Reply
Heidi 03:39 PM 10-27-2013
Wow, Lala! I am so sorry to hear about your loss!

I would plan on taking the whole week off. After the initial shock of all this, you will need time to deal with your own emotions, then deal with the rituals. After that, you'll be drained and need a few more days just to recover.

Still, by next week, although you'll still be devastated, you may need the comfort of having to work. The kids will give you something else to focus on.

We lost my niece (my sister's child) a few years ago, and it was very difficult. I believe my sister took 2 weeks off, but then found she needed work to help her start to recover.


I do agree with BC, that only you can know for sure. I said a week, because I was afraid you might think "they will be upset if I take 3 or 4 days", but if you need more time, take it.
Reply
MrsSteinel'sHouse 03:45 PM 10-27-2013
I am sorry for your loss. Take Care.
Reply
childcaremom 03:54 PM 10-27-2013
So sorry for your loss. I would suggest at least a week, leaving yourself the option for more time if you need it. Thinking of you and your family.
Reply
Scout 04:05 PM 10-27-2013
Oh, I am so very sorry to read this. It is so hard to lose people we love, but, a sibling would be especially hard. I agree with others that you need to take as much time as you can afford and need to. Don't let your dcf's dictate your grieving. God bless your family.
Reply
Sunshine74 04:05 PM 10-27-2013
I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say, I am so sorry for your loss.
Reply
blandino 04:12 PM 10-27-2013
I am so so sorry for your loss.

I think closing for a week is a very good idea. That way you have a somewhat decent amount of time to clear your head, and not worry about rushing back to work.
Reply
nannyde 04:39 PM 10-27-2013
La la you have my number. Call me if you need me.
Reply
juliebug 04:48 PM 10-27-2013
So sorry for your loss you really need to see how you take it and go from there i would tell parents off this week then see what to do the.
Reply
Josiegirl 04:49 PM 10-27-2013
I'm so very sorry Lala. I cannot imagine your pain right now.
PLEASE do what you feel you need to now, for yourself, and don't worry about your families.
All I can say is when I lost each of my parents, I took a week off. When I lost my son, I shut my daycare down for the whole summer. So no matter what you decide, daycare will still be there. Just worry about you and your family.
Reply
slorey 04:50 PM 10-27-2013
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others. You need to take as much time off as you need to be able to properly grieve. If your dc families can't understand that, they are not worth having. Praying you find comfort and peace with the situation. Take care of you first though, so you can be able to take care of the little ones when you are ready.
Reply
Angelsj 04:51 PM 10-27-2013
Sorry to hear that. to you and your family.
Reply
MyAngels 04:58 PM 10-27-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. As everyone else said take all the time you need. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Reply
snbauser 05:03 PM 10-27-2013
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that you need to take whatever time you need. Every person processes grief differently and you need to do what you need to.
Reply
Ups_and-downs 05:13 PM 10-27-2013
So sorry to hear about your brother. Take as much time as you feel is necessary. This is hard to deal with and I'm sure they will understand.
Reply
craftymissbeth 05:35 PM 10-27-2013
Oh LaLa I'm so sorry! Take off as much time as you need!
Reply
Laurel 05:49 PM 10-27-2013
I am so sorry for your loss. That is rough. Just do what you need to do for as long as you need to. You just have to.

Hugs, Laurel
Reply
LaLa1923 05:54 PM 10-27-2013
Thank you all !

My family and I have so many unanswered questions. We are all grieving.

I never got a chance to say goodbye, I think that's the hardest part.

It really stinks when your loss is made public. No one knows the entire story about what happened yet, but the media has blown it out of the water. My family has already made a statement.

I will post more about this when I know more.

Thank you for your support.
Reply
butterfly 06:03 PM 10-27-2013
Praying for you and your family!
Reply
Margarete 06:05 PM 10-27-2013
So sorry about your loss. =/ Take care of you and your family.
Reply
BrooklynM 06:14 PM 10-27-2013
I am so sorry for your loss! I think at least a week is certainly reasonable!

Take care of yourself
Reply
julie 07:23 PM 10-27-2013
Very very sorry to hear about your loss. Take whatever time you need. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Reply
se7en 07:55 PM 10-27-2013
Oh I am so sorry for your loss. It is tough losing a sibling. I lost my brother when I was a teenager. I am still not ok. Hugs and more.
Reply
SilverSabre25 07:57 PM 10-27-2013
Lala I am so sorry for my loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Reply
sahm1225 07:59 PM 10-27-2013
Oh la la, in so sorry for your loss. Please take at least a week off to process things. And give yourself time to grieve. After a week you might find comfort in dedicating yourself to your daycare.

I will pm you my cell phone number in case you want to talk to someone.

I will pray for you and your family.

Please let us know if there's anything we can do
Reply
Unregistered 08:00 PM 10-27-2013
I have no advice, but I am very sorry for your loss.
Reply
Mister Sir Husband 08:10 PM 10-27-2013
I am very sorry to hear this. I agree you should take as long as you need. Parents will understand. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Reply
Childminder 08:15 PM 10-27-2013
Comforting thoughts for you and your family, Lala. You do not have to decide today what time you need.
Reply
Familycare71 09:17 PM 10-27-2013
I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss- I will keep you and your family in Prayer.
Reply
Soccermom 04:51 AM 10-28-2013
My sympathies to you and your family. So sorry for your loss.

I would advise all parents that you will be closed for the week but don't commit to next week either. Take all the time that you need.
Reply
momofboys 05:10 AM 10-28-2013
I am so sorry for your loss
Reply
MamaBearCanada 05:12 AM 10-28-2013
I agree with all the others take at least a week off. I am so so sorry for your loss.
Reply
williams2008 05:17 AM 10-28-2013
I am so sorry for your loss I think that you should take all the time that you need. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Reply
e.j. 05:24 AM 10-28-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with those who said take whatever time you feel you need and can afford to take.
Reply
daycarediva 05:40 AM 10-28-2013
My BIL died very young a couple of years ago. I closed for the week, unpaid per my contract. All of my families were unbelievably understanding and sent a lovely floral arrangement to the funeral home.

My thoughts are with you.
Reply
JenNJ 05:56 AM 10-28-2013
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know words may seem empty right now, but know that there are people out there sending you love and prayers. I am wishing you peace and comfort. Please be kind to yourself.
Reply
momofsix 06:01 AM 10-28-2013
Oh Lala, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. And then the added grief of the media and the hurtful things they say and do all in the name of "the story". I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers as you grieve your loss.
Reply
Provider_Manda 06:05 AM 10-28-2013
I am so sorry for your loss..I will be praying for you and your family for comfort and strength during this difficult time. I would take a week off, and then see how you are doing emotionally afterwards and go from there. It was mentioned that your clients will understand, and those who don't are not worth keeping. Again I am very sorry!
Reply
MCC 06:06 AM 10-28-2013
Lala,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I believe I am quite close to you, geographically, if you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to reach out.
Reply
coolconfidentme 06:19 AM 10-28-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss! Prayers to you & your family...
Reply
countrymom 06:49 AM 10-28-2013
so sorry to hear that. I also agree with others and take a week off. Dh said that it was the best to go back to work rather than stew in his sorrows.
Reply
hope 06:59 AM 10-28-2013
The other providers here have given some great advice. Just want to give my condolences. Take their advice and give yourself time to deal with this. I am so sorry.
Reply
KDC 07:13 AM 10-28-2013
Sorry for your loss, Lala. Please take all the time you need to heal, thoughts and prayers for your family.
Reply
Unregistered 07:18 AM 10-28-2013
It will be two years next month that I will have lost my brother, and it was a very public thing for us also- a major car accident in a small town. It was on the news non stop for quite a while. I was an idiot and read all of the horrible comments under the online news articles. I don't know your situation, but please don't do that. People are stupid and don't realize that there are actually people and loved ones connected to those stories and horrible pictures. To this day I get annoyed when they put graphic accident pictures on the news.

Hugs
Reply
CedarCreek 07:24 AM 10-28-2013
I'm so sorry lala. I hope you can take the week off at least to have to yourself and help make any arrangements for your brother.


Reply
LaLa1923 07:34 AM 10-28-2013
I have notified my families and they have all been so wonderful.

We may never know what happened in this story. Three families are now shattered. I believe that there were 3 victims in this case, not just two.

The man I know would never hurt a living soul, he has served our country since he could enlist in the marines.

What the stories did not say- there was NO forced entry, this was NOT planned. He did not go there to do this. He is a cop and has to carry his gun. It's just sad...the media only tells a portion of the story.


Thank you all for your kind words.


http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/mar...,2836885.story
Attached: chris1.jpg (41.4 KB) chris 2.jpg (32.3 KB) 
Reply
JenNJ 08:58 AM 10-28-2013
You are right that there are many victims of this tragedy. I am so sorry for the losses of everyone involved.

Please do not hesitate to seek counseling for this. You are going through a loss of a sibling which is very difficult and there will be added stress from the media coverage, investigation, and speculation. You may also feel angry. There is no shame in feelings. Remember him as he was to you, not for this one incident. If you need to stay away from TV and news sources for a while, that is very understandable. Please take care of yourself.
Reply
littleblossoms 09:06 AM 10-28-2013
so sorry for your loss
Reply
Brooksie 09:23 AM 10-28-2013
Oh Lala I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now. I would try to take at least a week off if you can and inform parents to have back ups for next week too, just in case. I'll be thinking about you. Call if you need any thing
Reply
mema 10:04 AM 10-28-2013
LaLa I am so sorry for your loss. Like posted before, eveyone grieves differently so only you know how much tme you need.
Reply
MotherNature 10:13 AM 10-28-2013
So sorry for your loss.
Reply
AcornMama 10:14 AM 10-28-2013
I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying.
Reply
Luna 10:35 AM 10-28-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take as much time as you need. Now that your families know, you can just let them know how you are doing and when you feel ready to return to work.
Please try not to read comments on news stories. They are made by people who didn't know your brother. Take care of yourself and your family.
Reply
My3cents 10:40 AM 10-28-2013
Originally Posted by LaLa1923:
I lost my brother this morning to a senseless tragedy. I informed my parents that I will be closed tomorrow.

How long should I stay closed?

How do you handle an unexpected death?


I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do........
Call your parents and tell them you need to take a few personal days there has been an untimely death in the family.

Hugs to you- my heart is heavy for you and your family at this time.
Reply
melilley 10:44 AM 10-28-2013
So sorry for your loss lala. I will be thinking of you and your family. Like others have said, take all the time you need and don't pay attention to the media.
Reply
BumbleBee 10:50 AM 10-28-2013
I am so sorry La La. *hugs*
Reply
LK5kids 11:28 AM 10-28-2013
Yes, take all the time you need. You may need to talk to a grief counselor or attend a few grief/loss meetings.

To you and your family So sorry that you are going through this! More hugs!
Reply
MarinaVanessa 11:30 AM 10-28-2013
I am so sorry for your loss.
Reply
Lyss 01:49 PM 10-28-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family
Reply
proudmommyofthree 02:55 PM 10-28-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss
Reply
Neekie 04:28 PM 10-28-2013
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I just can not imagine the heartache you and your family are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Reply
daycare 04:33 PM 10-28-2013
I have been in your shoes, losing someone unexpectedly. It was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with.


Please know you have a huge amount of support here and that we all are behind you.


Take care of yourself, let your families deal with themselves.
Reply
boysx5 03:45 AM 10-29-2013
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family
Reply
jenn 06:19 AM 10-29-2013
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain.

I would take as much time as you need. You need to put your own mental health ahead of daycare at this time. I would tell the parents that you will be closed for at least the rest of this week.

I think how long you are closed after that depends on your financial situation and your own back up support.

If your financial situation allows, you could ask them to find care for next week. I know that some of mine have grandparents, friends,...that could watch without any trouble. I have a few that back up care is difficult, so I might consider just taking them, simply because I couldn't afford to lose them. If you need to have everyone next week due to finances, consider having someone there with you (if licensing allows) in case you need to take some breaks.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Reply
spud912 07:30 AM 10-29-2013
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss .
Reply
spinnymarie 07:30 AM 10-29-2013
I'm so sorry.
Reply
Sugar Magnolia 09:44 AM 10-29-2013
Oh my, it made national news on the Huffington Post. I'm.so incredibly sorry for this tragic loss. It is heartbreaking.
Reply
mls620 11:39 AM 10-29-2013
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Reply
blessed mom 01:55 PM 10-29-2013
So sorry for your loss. I hope you were able to take a full week off. So so sorry.
Reply
AfterSchoolMom 08:23 AM 10-30-2013
Lala, I am so very sorry. My sympathies to you and your family.
Reply
Tags:death, time off - death
Reply Up