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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I'm Just Not "Clicking" With One Child
Indoorvoice 08:44 AM 10-14-2015
Do you ever have that one kid that just kind of drives you bonkers? I'm really struggling with this one dcg(2). She honestly is not a bad kid and her parents are ok too. No major problems. It sounds terrible, but I think it's this girl's personality that's getting me. She's the baby of the family and I can just tell she doesn't have to do anything for herself and is constantly told how wonderful she is. She cries at any redirection and has no idea how to play with toys normally. She is always mouthing toys and has a number of weird tics that she just repeats all day. It just makes her tough for me to deal with when all of my other kids are so tough and independent. I've had her for almost a year, though she did take the summer off and I still cannot just find anything I like about her. I have no good reason to term, so anyone have any tips on how I can adjust my attitude? It's not affecting my level of care for her, just my blood pressure. Have you had any kids that you didn't get along with great, that you ended up liking?
NillaWafers 08:47 AM 10-14-2015
I know the feeling. One of my newer girls is just like this. It's her first experience in daycare at two. She constantly mouths "mommy", cries at nap almost everyday, and breaks down when I redirect or correct her. It's so annoying. I really love her mom though so I'm holding out hope it will get better!
nanglgrl 09:06 AM 10-14-2015
Yes, I had a child that never smiled no matter what I tried, never played or had fun and just moped around every day. One night I talked it over with my husband and decided to term which was hard because her mother was absolutely perfect. I didn't get time to talk to mom at drop off the next morning and that was a good thing because the child completely changed that day and is, to this day, one of my favorite dcks ever. I had to force it for 3 months. I had to ignore the whining and just go about my day, at one point I had to force affection for her because I'd done everything I felt I could do and nothing had changed and since I had a great group of independent, happy kids she was "frustrating" me. Thank goodness I stuck it out. I have to say though, I've also had kids I never really bonded with.
daycare 09:20 AM 10-14-2015
funny you wrote this as I was going to write exactly this today. I have one right now that I am not connecting with either. I am just going through the motions of my day. I am trying to find ways to connect with her,, but it has not been easy.
Ariana 09:57 AM 10-14-2015
I have a child like this right now who I am thinking might be on the spectrum for Autism. He is very different from any other child I have ever worked with who was not diagnosed with something. It makes it hard to deal with because he doesn't interact with people like a "normal" child.
I know this may sound harsh but I do ignore this child quite a bit. I have given up on trying to connect with him in a meaningful way and we are both happier when I just stay out of his way it seems. I just focus on the other children and he is free to do what he wants. I don't bother trying to get him to be like the other kids either because this just frustrates me. Trying to get him to do anything himself is a total lost cause. I only have him 2 days a week though so I am not sure if this would help in your situation. I still interact with him, don't get me wrong, but not to the extent I was before which was causing me to be annoyed!
I know this may sound harsh but I do ignore this child quite a bit. I have given up on trying to connect with him in a meaningful way and we are both happier when I just stay out of his way it seems. I just focus on the other children and he is free to do what he wants. I don't bother trying to get him to be like the other kids either because this just frustrates me. Trying to get him to do anything himself is a total lost cause. I only have him 2 days a week though so I am not sure if this would help in your situation. I still interact with him, don't get me wrong, but not to the extent I was before which was causing me to be annoyed!
daycarediva 10:10 AM 10-14-2015
I mostly fake it until I make it. I act like I am head over heels for a child, and then...it just clicks. Something they do, say, and I 'fall in like' with them. I also do NOT keep kids I don't click with. Especially at this age, I think kids NEED to be around adults who genuinely adore them.
I have a dcg who started at the end of August and JUST yesterday, she came bouncing in, ran up to me, placed her hand on my cheek and grinned from ear to ear. Yup, we're cool now.
Her sister was day 1. She's hilarious and we mesh SUPER well.
I have a dcg who started at the end of August and JUST yesterday, she came bouncing in, ran up to me, placed her hand on my cheek and grinned from ear to ear. Yup, we're cool now.
Her sister was day 1. She's hilarious and we mesh SUPER well.
midaycare 10:12 AM 10-14-2015
I have had 2 - one grew out of it and now we click well. The other is my hitter, and the bane of my existence right now. 
Unregistered 10:16 AM 10-14-2015
Fake it!
I have a child like this. I just fake it. I will replace asap!
I have a child like this. I just fake it. I will replace asap!
mommyneedsadayoff 10:36 AM 10-14-2015
I have this in my little 2 year old dcg. Every little bump is a mojor ordeal and she whines constantly. She will repeat the same thing over and over and over till someone acknowledges her. And I am talking about continuously throught the day.
"The sun is out, the sun is out, the sun is out,...."
"Its windy, its windy, its windy, its windy..."
"Baby is funny, baby is funny, baby is funny, baby is funny..."
I know she is two, but it is soooooo annoying because I constantly have to respond to everything or she will literally repeat it 20 times until I do...I know this because I have counted and she won't take a breath in between so it is almost rambled in one long sentence continuously. Agh!
Every toy is hers, whether she is playing with it or not. She "doesn't like" anything...until someone else has it or is eating it, then she wants it. "I want it, I want it, I want it..." "I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it..."
She is an only child and gets constant attention and recognition for every little movement at home, so she expects it here and I am sorry, but she is driving me bonkers!
I am closing up shop, so about two more weeks, two more weeks, two more weeks...
"The sun is out, the sun is out, the sun is out,...."
"Its windy, its windy, its windy, its windy..."
"Baby is funny, baby is funny, baby is funny, baby is funny..."
I know she is two, but it is soooooo annoying because I constantly have to respond to everything or she will literally repeat it 20 times until I do...I know this because I have counted and she won't take a breath in between so it is almost rambled in one long sentence continuously. Agh!
Every toy is hers, whether she is playing with it or not. She "doesn't like" anything...until someone else has it or is eating it, then she wants it. "I want it, I want it, I want it..." "I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it..."
She is an only child and gets constant attention and recognition for every little movement at home, so she expects it here and I am sorry, but she is driving me bonkers!
I am closing up shop, so about two more weeks, two more weeks, two more weeks...
Play Care 11:02 AM 10-14-2015
Yes. Depending on the age of the child (older kids are more likely to be kept) and family (good family, follow policy, etc) depends if I keep them or not.
I have one now who will be done before summer (teachers kid). I've kept her because while we don't necessarily "click" we do get along well.
If my mental or physical health were being compromised, I would term.
I have one now who will be done before summer (teachers kid). I've kept her because while we don't necessarily "click" we do get along well.
If my mental or physical health were being compromised, I would term.
Unregistered 12:30 PM 10-14-2015
I have one. He is 3.8yo and I have had him for 13 months. I don't like him much,but like you, I put up with him and do my job. Luckily the parents want to put him in preschool, so I am totally encouraging them to do so. Lol. Almost everything about him irritates me (and my whole family).
hottie8962 12:57 PM 10-14-2015
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I have a child like this right now who I am thinking might be on the spectrum for Autism. He is very diffwith onlyerent from any other child I have ever worked with who was not diagnosed with something. It makes it hard to deal with because he doesn't interact with people like a "normal" child.
I know this may sound harsh but I do ignore this child quite a bit. I have given up on trying to connect with him in a meaningful way and we are both happier when I just stay out of his way it seems. I just focus on the other children and he is free to do what he wants. I don't bother trying to get him to be like the other kids either because this just frustrates me. Trying to get him to do anything himself is a total lost cause. I only have him 2 days a week though so I am not sure if this would help in your situation. I still interact with him, don't get me wrong, but not to the extent I was before which was causing me to be annoyed!
I could have wrote this myself , mine no talking, no smiling, no interacting, nothing, will lay on the floor for hours playing with only a car.I think something may be wrong with himI have a child like this right now who I am thinking might be on the spectrum for Autism. He is very diffwith onlyerent from any other child I have ever worked with who was not diagnosed with something. It makes it hard to deal with because he doesn't interact with people like a "normal" child.
I know this may sound harsh but I do ignore this child quite a bit. I have given up on trying to connect with him in a meaningful way and we are both happier when I just stay out of his way it seems. I just focus on the other children and he is free to do what he wants. I don't bother trying to get him to be like the other kids either because this just frustrates me. Trying to get him to do anything himself is a total lost cause. I only have him 2 days a week though so I am not sure if this would help in your situation. I still interact with him, don't get me wrong, but not to the extent I was before which was causing me to be annoyed!
hottie8962 01:02 PM 10-14-2015
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
Yes, I had a child that never smiled no matter what I tried, never played or had fun and just moped around every day. One night I talked it over with my husband and decided to term which was hard because her mother was absolutely perfect. I didn't get time to talk to mom at drop off the next morning and that was a good thing because the child completely changed that day and is, to this day, one of my favorite dcks ever. I had to force it for 3 months. I had to ignore the whining and just go about my day, at one point I had to force affection for her because I'd done everything I felt I could do and nothing had changed and since I had a great group of independent, happy kids she was "frustrating" me. Thank goodness I stuck it out. I have to say though, I've also had kids I never really bonded with.
Same with mine never smiles no mmatter what I triedYes, I had a child that never smiled no matter what I tried, never played or had fun and just moped around every day. One night I talked it over with my husband and decided to term which was hard because her mother was absolutely perfect. I didn't get time to talk to mom at drop off the next morning and that was a good thing because the child completely changed that day and is, to this day, one of my favorite dcks ever. I had to force it for 3 months. I had to ignore the whining and just go about my day, at one point I had to force affection for her because I'd done everything I felt I could do and nothing had changed and since I had a great group of independent, happy kids she was "frustrating" me. Thank goodness I stuck it out. I have to say though, I've also had kids I never really bonded with.
Laurel 06:40 PM 10-14-2015
I had one child like that when I worked in a school and I decided to pretend that she was my favorite child in the class. I'd give her smiles, go over and tell her I liked her work or she had a cute hair bow or whatever I could think of. Honestly, it didn't take long before I felt she 'was' one of my favorites.
I had one in my daycare who had a habit of rubbing my ear while sitting on my lap. She did it with her mom too but it irritated the heck out of me. I decided I was going to learn to like it and I did.
Just tonight I told my adult daughter that I was going to learn how to cook spinach different ways and learn to like it because it is so healthy and I need more fiber. I always liked it chopped and creamed but I wanted to learn to like it without all the cream. Well last week I finished a bag by myself (cause no one else will eat it) and got another bag this week. It is pretty versatile. I even put it in a smoothie this morning and it can't be tasted at all.
You can make yourself like 'almost' anything or anyone if you put your mind to it.
Laurel
I had one in my daycare who had a habit of rubbing my ear while sitting on my lap. She did it with her mom too but it irritated the heck out of me. I decided I was going to learn to like it and I did.
Just tonight I told my adult daughter that I was going to learn how to cook spinach different ways and learn to like it because it is so healthy and I need more fiber. I always liked it chopped and creamed but I wanted to learn to like it without all the cream. Well last week I finished a bag by myself (cause no one else will eat it) and got another bag this week. It is pretty versatile. I even put it in a smoothie this morning and it can't be tasted at all.
You can make yourself like 'almost' anything or anyone if you put your mind to it.
Laurel
turtlemomteach 01:38 PM 10-18-2015
I am new to this forum but this post really struck me because I've been dealing with a similar situation. However, the child's mom is going through a nasty split from the dad and it's a sad situation. Like some of the others have posted, I just decided to really start paying more attention to the child and noticing things I liked. At first the child seemed get worse with the annoying things they were doing but that's when it clicked for me: he was acting immature intentionally for the attention - even if it was negative attention! So, I put less focus on the negative behaviors and more focus on the positive ones and I'm starting to see good changes. We are human and we can't expect to bond with every child we care for. But sometimes we just need to take a step back and look at things from a different angle. Good luck!
adnilwis 10:20 AM 05-03-2016
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
Do you ever have that one kid that just kind of drives you bonkers? I'm really struggling with this one dcg(2). She honestly is not a bad kid and her parents are ok too. No major problems. It sounds terrible, but I think it's this girl's personality that's getting me. She's the baby of the family and I can just tell she doesn't have to do anything for herself and is constantly told how wonderful she is. She cries at any redirection and has no idea how to play with toys normally. She is always mouthing toys and has a number of weird tics that she just repeats all day. It just makes her tough for me to deal with when all of my other kids are so tough and independent. I've had her for almost a year, though she did take the summer off and I still cannot just find anything I like about her. I have no good reason to term, so anyone have any tips on how I can adjust my attitude? It's not affecting my level of care for her, just my blood pressure. Have you had any kids that you didn't get along with great, that you ended up liking?
Wow I could have wrote this myself. I have had this dcb since he was 3 months. He is now 20 months. He was a easy going happy baby but I struggle to get him to laugh or even smile. He flat out refuses to say words he knows how to say and won't participate in things but then whines when we are done doing it. He very rarely interacts with me but will with the 3 and 4 year old boys. He's an only child and mom says he never whines at home but it's a constant thing here. He doesn't know how to play normally with toys if at all.Do you ever have that one kid that just kind of drives you bonkers? I'm really struggling with this one dcg(2). She honestly is not a bad kid and her parents are ok too. No major problems. It sounds terrible, but I think it's this girl's personality that's getting me. She's the baby of the family and I can just tell she doesn't have to do anything for herself and is constantly told how wonderful she is. She cries at any redirection and has no idea how to play with toys normally. She is always mouthing toys and has a number of weird tics that she just repeats all day. It just makes her tough for me to deal with when all of my other kids are so tough and independent. I've had her for almost a year, though she did take the summer off and I still cannot just find anything I like about her. I have no good reason to term, so anyone have any tips on how I can adjust my attitude? It's not affecting my level of care for her, just my blood pressure. Have you had any kids that you didn't get along with great, that you ended up liking?
NillaWafers 12:32 PM 05-03-2016
The girl I wrote about is about to turn three and now she's great. It really did take her a long while to settle into care though. 
Indoorvoice 01:29 PM 05-03-2016
The girl I wrote about I'm terming at the end of the week. It never got better, though I tried really hard to like her! At this point it is affecting the care I give her and affecting my stress so it's time to go. It's not fair to her to have a caregiver that doesn't "care" that much for her.
adnilwis 01:44 PM 05-03-2016
I agree. It's not fair to have kids you care for if you don't like them. In my case it seems almost mutual. He really could care less I'm in the room most of the time unless he gets bothered by someone or I go upstairs or in a different room. Then he wants to know what I'm doing. It's been 17 months and we still haven't clicked. He shows no affection toward me with very little eye contact and very little smiling at all.