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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What Would You Do In This Situation?
ChelseaB 08:15 AM 08-18-2015
Hello all!
I am new to this forum, although I have been actively reading others' posts and responses. However, I am having a bit of a dilemma...
A little of the backstory first: one of my DCM started almost a year ago. Although I made a promise to myself to not become too friendly outside of caring for a client's child, she is around my age and frequently spoke to me regarding personal matters and requested to hang out sometimes. I tried to nicely decline, stating that I didn't like knowing family's personal affairs and that I didn't want to become involved in any situations. Basically, I wanted to remain on a professional level. However, she would often text me and insist on hanging out. I am a very nice person and a good listener, and I allowed myself to become too involved, admittedly. I do regret that and have learned my lesson, while distancing myself. However.
Now, she has taken the hint, but she has now become involved in a different way that makes me highly uncomfortable -- nothing I can't handle, it only increased my wariness for talking to her and has given me more reason to keep a strictly professional relationship.
The real problem lies in that she seems to expect me to do favors for her since I am her "friend". I have maintained all along that this is my business and that I cannot budge on my policies and rates. However, she has consistently given me a sob story as to why she cannot pay week to week...she is mostly current now, not including her $15 past due balance, which she has a promise to pay date arranged. Yet, she has money to go out every weekend drinking, partying, etc. what she does with her own time is not my business. But when she tells me she has no money and needs to pay me late, then I see that.... It infuriates me. I then got to the point where I insisted she pay me on payday, that I could not wait. I more or less have to beg for my paycheck every week. I have also learned to require pre-pay and deposits for future clients. However, I don't know how to change her contract to where she must pre-pay, otherwise, no-pay, no-stay. I don't want to term her because I cannot afford to, and I don't feel it's completely to that point. I just need to try adjusting the situation first. Any ideas???? Has this ever happened to you? Her ex (and DCD father) pays half, and he is consistent. He has also stated that he will pay if need be, but it should not be my responsibility to be the go-between with them, and she has put me in that situation, even though I asked her to not to. Help!
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Unregistered 08:23 AM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
Hello all!
I am new to this forum, although I have been actively reading others' posts and responses. However, I am having a bit of a dilemma...
A little of the backstory first: one of my DCM started almost a year ago. Although I made a promise to myself to not become too friendly outside of caring for a client's child, she is around my age and frequently spoke to me regarding personal matters and requested to hang out sometimes. I tried to nicely decline, stating that I didn't like knowing family's personal affairs and that I didn't want to become involved in any situations. Basically, I wanted to remain on a professional level. However, she would often text me and insist on hanging out. I am a very nice person and a good listener, and I allowed myself to become too involved, admittedly. I do regret that and have learned my lesson, while distancing myself. However.
Now, she has taken the hint, but she has now become involved in a different way that makes me highly uncomfortable -- nothing I can't handle, it only increased my wariness for talking to her and has given me more reason to keep a strictly professional relationship.
The real problem lies in that she seems to expect me to do favors for her since I am her "friend". I have maintained all along that this is my business and that I cannot budge on my policies and rates. However, she has consistently given me a sob story as to why she cannot pay week to week...she is mostly current now, not including her $15 past due balance, which she has a promise to pay date arranged. Yet, she has money to go out every weekend drinking, partying, etc. what she does with her own time is not my business. But when she tells me she has no money and needs to pay me late, then I see that.... It infuriates me. I then got to the point where I insisted she pay me on payday, that I could not wait. I more or less have to beg for my paycheck every week. I have also learned to require pre-pay and deposits for future clients. However, I don't know how to change her contract to where she must pre-pay, otherwise, no-pay, no-stay. I don't want to term her because I cannot afford to, and I don't feel it's completely to that point. I just need to try adjusting the situation first. Any ideas???? Has this ever happened to you? Her ex (and DCD father) pays half, and he is consistent. He has also stated that he will pay if need be, but it should not be my responsibility to be the go-between with them, and she has put me in that situation, even though I asked her to not to. Help!
the easiest solution to this situation is to not provide services unless she pays you in full the amount owed. if you continually provide services even if she is behind in her payments, you are showing her it's acceptable to be late paying you. i understand not being able to afford to term her but if she isn't paying you regularly, how can you afford to keep her?
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ChelseaB 08:32 AM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
the easiest solution to this situation is to not provide services unless she pays you in full the amount owed. if you continually provide services even if she is behind in her payments, you are showing her it's acceptable to be late paying you. i understand not being able to afford to term her but if she isn't paying you regularly, how can you afford to keep her?
Completely correct, I can't argue that. But DCD pays his half on time though, and DCG is one of my full timers....I feel if I could get her on pre-pay, it would help alleviate the problem. But if she fails to pay me in full on time, I'm forced to talk to DCD, and you can see how awkward that makes things.
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Scribbles 08:49 AM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
Completely correct, I can't argue that. But DCD pays his half on time though, and DCG is one of my full timers....I feel if I could get her on pre-pay, it would help alleviate the problem. But if she fails to pay me in full on time, I'm forced to talk to DCD, and you can see how awkward that makes things.
Who is your contract with? Dad or mom? I refuse to deal with two parents and have ONE contract (both sign if necessary) but the payment issue is theirs to figure out amongst themselves. It's all part of coparenting. They have to do it eventually so daycare is a good place to start.
Do both parents drop off and/or pick up or is it just the mother?
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ChelseaB 08:57 AM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by Scribbles:
Who is your contract with? Dad or mom? I refuse to deal with two parents and have ONE contract (both sign if necessary) but the payment issue is theirs to figure out amongst themselves. It's all part of coparenting. They have to do it eventually so daycare is a good place to start.
Do both parents drop off and/or pick up or is it just the mother?
Both parents drop off and pick up, depending on whose day it is -- they were together when DCG first started coming, their separation occurred afterward (so the contract is with both). I have told them both that I do not want to be in the middle and that they need to figure out payments and such together and notify me. However, they usually state that the other refuses to talk to them, etc. I don't think either actually says anything to the other though, they just try to avoid contact entirely with one another. But then the DCM constantly tries to manipulate the situation that the father pays for her late days and extra fees! It is unethical, and I am obligated to tell him the truth even though she asks me to lie for her! No way. Not happening.
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ChelseaB 09:03 AM 08-18-2015
Oh, and I failed to mention that she has zero respect for my position in general. Not only the fore mentioned incidents, but she has the nerve to tell me that I must be making a killing since I have so many kids! Another example of a parent who does some mental math and then believes that I pocket all of that money! I quickly corrected her, explaining my high costs and that virtually none of it is profit. Food, utilities, mortgage, etc. but she most likely didn't listen to that either
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Indianadaycare 09:16 AM 08-18-2015
In my experience, there are some people who will take, take, take. I too, am a soft hearted person, willing to befriend someone who has "needs". I must have a sign on my forehead or something Anyway, she is absolutely taking advantage of your kindness and she will continue to do so until you put a stop to it.
I would write up a new (updated) contract, stating that payment is due the Friday before the week begins, or no child care. Most people get paid on Fridays, so daycare gets paid before the partying/drinking begins (in her case)! Give a copy of this "updated" contract to everyone and have them re-sign it/date it. If you don't have a contract made, make one up - it's not too late. Just be matter of fact about it. There are good threads on this site for help in writing up a contract; just do a search for it.
Good luck!
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ChelseaB 09:33 AM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by Indianadaycare:
In my experience, there are some people who will take, take, take. I too, am a soft hearted person, willing to befriend someone who has "needs". I must have a sign on my forehead or something Anyway, she is absolutely taking advantage of your kindness and she will continue to do so until you put a stop to it.
I would write up a new (updated) contract, stating that payment is due the Friday before the week begins, or no child care. Most people get paid on Fridays, so daycare gets paid before the partying/drinking begins (in her case)! Give a copy of this "updated" contract to everyone and have them re-sign it/date it. If you don't have a contract made, make one up - it's not too late. Just be matter of fact about it. There are good threads on this site for help in writing up a contract; just do a search for it.
Good luck!
My husband says the same of me! That people only want me when they need me, but I'm nothing the next minute when I need something or they no longer need me. I'm just a naturally nice person, but I refuse to be put in her web any longer! I will certainly be making changes, the one issue I have is that I feel bad asking my other clients with whom I have very good professional status with to change their contracts. I have tried to work with them so that they can pay me on their pay days, simplifying matters. I'm sure they would understand, but I don't want to put too much strain on them for another's wrong doings. I do already have contracts with everyone but I suppose the time has come to make that change. One person can truly ruin it for others, I suppose
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e.j. 12:52 PM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
Her ex (and DCD father) pays half, and he is consistent. He has also stated that he will pay if need be, but it should not be my responsibility to be the go-between with them, and she has put me in that situation, even though I asked her to not to. Help!
Personally, I'd take dcd up on his offer to pay. He's reliable and she's not so I'd get the money from him. He can then get dcm to reimburse him her share of the tuition. Then it's his problem and you don't have to be caught in the middle.

Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
...the one issue I have is that I feel bad asking my other clients with whom I have very good professional status with to change their contracts. I have tried to work with them so that they can pay me on their pay days, simplifying matters. I'm sure they would understand, but I don't want to put too much strain on them for another's wrong doings. I do already have contracts with everyone but I suppose the time has come to make that change. One person can truly ruin it for others, I suppose
Taking dcd up on his offer to pay also keeps you from having to change the other parents' contracts.
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Controlled Chaos 01:18 PM 08-18-2015
I would write up new contracts, give 2 weeks or a months notice for when the change will go into effect. I would either have each parent responsible for certain days (that way if they don't pay the child doesn't come on their day until paid up and it doesn't effect the other parents days if they have paid OR I would just do a contract with 1 parents who is responsible for full payment and they can sort the rest out themselves. With the renewed contracts make it pre pay. "It is the industry standard" was a line I used when I made the switch last year no one was surprised.
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renodeb 02:08 PM 08-18-2015
I actually have in my contract " I ask you how you would feel if you didnt get your paycheck when you expected it". My clients pay me each Friday for the coming week. Would that help you in any way? Maybe keep your feelers out for a replacement for that family.
deb
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BabyMonkeys 07:31 PM 08-18-2015
Originally Posted by ChelseaB:
I feel bad asking my other clients with whom I have very good professional status with to change their contracts. I have tried to work with them so that they can pay me on their pay days, simplifying matters. I'm sure they would understand, but I don't want to put too much strain on them for another's wrong doings. I do already have contracts with everyone but I suppose the time has come to make that change. One person can truly ruin it for others, I suppose
There's no rule that says that you have to have the same contract with each family. It's your business, you make the rules
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ChelseaB 08:06 PM 08-18-2015
Thank you so much to everyone who replied! It seems that we all share similar thinking, and I have gone ahead with the course of action of revamping my contract. Although the other families weren't the reason, I did decide that it would be much simpler than if any of the parents talked to one another and realized that they each had a different contract. So for my own sanity and to avoid potential conflict, I made the switch for everyone, citing potential issues (although reassuring the innocent parties that they weren't the reason) and simple reassurance that it would be easier for all clients to be paying on the same day rather than spread out. As well as updating some policies, etc. the way I see it, if they're a good family worth keeping, they'll understand my position and respect it. If not, potential issues would have surfaced eventually anyway. Now, I just have to hold firm to it, especially with flaky DCM!
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Tags:daycare, payment collection, payment drama
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