Open to Suggestions

[Lizette]

I have twins at my daycare and the little girl is one of my better kids. Her brother seems to not like to be told what to do. He yells, spits, kicks, and hit the staff this has happened twice. The mother says that he NEVER acts like that at home. Then she tells us that she had to go through the same thing with his older brother. So she had just contradicted herself and then later on the Dad tells me that the little boy will test his limits. My question is how would y'all handle this family?

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Lizette

I have twins at my daycare and the little girl is one of my better kids. Her brother seems to not like to be told what to do. He yells, spits, kicks, and hit the staff this has happened twice. The mother says that he NEVER acts like that at home. Then she tells us that she had to go through the same thing with his older brother. So she had just contradicted herself and then later on the Dad tells me that the little boy will test his limits. My question is how would y'all handle this family?

Parents almost always say the child doesn't do X at home.

They aren't always lying....the home and the child care environments are vastly different and create a different level of behavior for everyone.

I would try to spend some time figuring out WHY the boy hits, spits, kicks etc... He may be frustrated, tired, hungry, angry, hurt etc.... who knows....but finding the root of the behavior almost always leads to finding the answer or cure for the behaviors.

Depending on his age, I might not tolerate the aggressive and physical behaviors but I would definitely start looking closely at why they are happening and make some changes to prevent him from needing to resort to using that type of negative behavior. He needs to be taught the appropriate response to his feelings and frustrations.

You mention he doesn't like to be told what to do...why? Is he in the middle of playing something when told to stop and clean up? He may need a better transition routine so he has a warning that it will be time to clean up soon.

Is he feeling helpless or without control and acting up (not listening to authority)? If so, give him some choices... "Do you want to pick up the blocks or the cars? Johnny will pick up the other one." Allow him to have some control over aspects of his day.

Is he missing his mom/dad?

There are many reasons why a child acts up but the answer is almost always in the root of why they are acting up.

[Lizette]

He will be 5 in Feb. I honestly don't think we'll be able to pinpoint because it's not consistent and he is OUT of control when he get that way. little tantrums here and there no issue getting physical, spitting, kicking, throwing especially to the other people in the daycare I will not tolerate.

The mom also always changes her story of whether he was in daycare because at first he had never been in one, then this was second one, then they had a nanny or something so already there I don't feel something adding up.

It just seems that instead of trying to work with us so we can find a peaceful way of resolving behavior issues the mom wants to place them blame on me and my staff.

[Leigh]

I don't consider these behaviors at all normal for a child of 5. Personally, I'd ask them to have an assessment done by a psychologist or their school district, and get some answers on what's going on and what can be done to deal with it. That said, the book "Your Defiant Child" (https://www.amazon.com/Your-Defiant-.../dp/1462510078) has some great advice for parenting ANY child, but can be especially helpful for kids like this.

[Lizette]

So apparently this DCM didn't like being told her son is acting up. She said that it's too much from us saying how he is acting. She is upset that she only gets bad behavior reports home, and why is she never told he does a good job.
I do tell them that so and so did great today when they do what they are supposed to they get stickers on their papers or hands or they are our helpers for a certain activity.

She took it among herself to make a good day folder and told her kids hand the folders to Ms. Liz by the time I turned around to read what they were she literally ran out the door.

I am not going give her kids special treatment because she thinks she's above everyone else. Her and her husband have had a bad attitude with us since Tuesday and I don't think I will able to handle it much longer. Still open to suggestions.

[nannyde]

Originally Posted by Lizette

She took it among herself to make a good day folder and told her kids hand the folders to Ms. Liz by the time I turned around to read what they were she literally ran out the door.

Oh Lawdy I LOVE it when a parent comes up with something NEW! I have never heard THIS one before.

I only get once or twice a year.

Gotta give her an A for creative snowflaking.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by nannyde

Oh Lawdy I LOVE it when a parent comes up with something NEW! I have never heard THIS one before.

I only get once or twice a year.

Gotta give her an A for creative snowflaking.

Originally Posted by Lizette

So apparently this DCM didn't like being told her son is acting up. She said that it's too much from us saying how he is acting. She is upset that she only gets bad behavior reports home, and why is she never told he does a good job.
I do tell them that so and so did great today when they do what they are supposed to they get stickers on their papers or hands or they are our helpers for a certain activity.

She took it among herself to make a good day folder and told her kids hand the folders to Ms. Liz by the time I turned around to read what they were she literally ran out the door.

I am not going give her kids special treatment because she thinks she's above everyone else. Her and her husband have had a bad attitude with us since Tuesday and I don't think I will able to handle it much longer. Still open to suggestions.

Put in the "good" folder that when dear little snowflake son hit the teacher, it only left a little mark and didn't require medical attention. When he spit at the director, he missed. Etc.

[spedmommy4]

Originally Posted by Lizette

So apparently this DCM didn't like being told her son is acting up. She said that it's too much from us saying how he is acting. She is upset that she only gets bad behavior reports home, and why is she never told he does a good job.
I do tell them that so and so did great today when they do what they are supposed to they get stickers on their papers or hands or they are our helpers for a certain activity.

She took it among herself to make a good day folder and told her kids hand the folders to Ms. Liz by the time I turned around to read what they were she literally ran out the door.

I am not going give her kids special treatment because she thinks she's above everyone else. Her and her husband have had a bad attitude with us since Tuesday and I don't think I will able to handle it much longer. Still open to suggestions.

Whoa! There is no way that I would use that either. It wouldn't serve any purpose, except to make the parent feel better about his behavior.

For dcm- Here is how I present the information about difficult behaviors to parents.

"We asked dcb to do (insert task) and he became upset and spit on teacher Liz. This is puzzling because he is typically a good natured little guy. I would like your support in figuring out how to get him to follow directions with the group so he has better days at school." (Sandwich bad with good and make it about supporting dcb)

Within the conversation, I usually sell them by talking about how mastering this skill at the preschool level is going to make their child more successful in Kindergarten.

For dcb- To handle the behaviors in the meantime, blackcat gave some good suggestions. If he's blowing up when given adult direction, he's learned that this is the most effective way to respond when faced with a task he doesn't want to do. More than likely, it works at home. He wouldn't be doing it otherwise.

To curb the behavior, it needs to stop working at daycare. If he were in my class, I would err on the side of caution and assume he's a child that needs a heads up before changing activities. Give a five minute warning before cleaning up or changing activities.

If asked to do something like clean up and he reacts with anger . . . "I see your angry. You can join us at (next activity) when you have finished cleaning up your mess." Don't engage him. Don't give him attention. Keep your poker face. Give him his options and attend to the other kids. He can rejoin the group when he completes the task.

He will need consistent reinforcement of the rules along with adult reinforcing that the outrageous behavior does an effective way to get out of things you don't like doing.

[spedmommy4]

Originally Posted by Leigh

Put in the "good" folder that when dear little snowflake son hit the teacher, it only left a little mark and didn't require medical attention. When he spit at the director, he missed. Etc.

I'd be so tempted to do this.