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Unregistered 05:26 PM 11-02-2017
Do you tell the DCPs when you are working on a behavioral issue with their child? I have a 11 month DCB who has been pulling hair and getting more frequent with it this week. Heís hurting the other children. I address it every time I see it and try to stay close to him so I can catch it beforehand. I let DCM know to keep an eye on it and work on it with him if she experiences it to help me out. She looked offended when I was talking to her. Would you just keep things to yourself unless they are super serious and just work on it at the daycare? Did I do the right thing?
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Cat Herder 05:45 PM 11-02-2017
You are responsible for behaviors that happen at your house.

The problem you are describing is not something she can prevent from work. It only occurs in group care with other young children.

The infant is under a year so preventing access to other children is 100% your responsibility on your time.

I don't intend to hurt feelings here.
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Ladybugs 05:48 PM 11-02-2017
Yes, I let the parents know. If sheís offended, thatís unfortunate but I feel itís better to be up front.
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Unregistered 06:08 PM 11-02-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
You are responsible for behaviors that happen at your house.

The problem you are describing is not something she can prevent from work. It only occurs in group care with other young children.

The infant is under a year so preventing access to other children is 100% your responsibility on your time.

I don't intend to hurt feelings here.
No hurt feelings here. I get that. And now that Iíve noticed the pattern, he rarely gets the chance to do it. This isnít really the question Iím asking, though I appreciate your feedback.

What Iíd really like to know is, should parents know about issues like this or is it better to leave them in ignorant bliss while I keep working on it? Whether or not Iím intervening (which I am), itís still a behavior Iím diligently working to remedy. I think as a parent, Iíd want to know.
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HappyEverAfter 06:12 PM 11-02-2017
I have a 15mth old that went through a brief pinching phase. She was only pinching me but that's because my others were infants and she wasn't allowed to touch them and I always tried to keep them out of her reach. I didn't say anything the first time it happened as I wanted to see if it was a one time thing. I did tell them the next day when it happened again as well as the few times it happened after that. They were embarrassed that she was doing it but glad I made them aware of it so they could watch out for it. Turns out she had been pinching Grandma too and Grandma didn't think to mention it until the parents told her what I'd said. Between me watching for it and addressing it and the parents help too, the issue became non existent within a week or so. Seeing how well it worked with telling the parents, I am pretty sure I'll always mention things like this to parents. Also, I'd feel terrible if I didn't inform parents and then the problem escalated and I was forced to tell them and then be faced with the question of why I hadn't mentioned anything before.
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boy_mom 07:59 PM 11-02-2017
I agree that what happens in your house is primarily your responsibility to fix. Some behaviors at daycare never happen at home and visa versa.

I would tell parents if I saw a behavior escalting even while I worked to curb it. Mostly because I feel like they should be kept on the loop and because it lets them know to stay on top of it should it start happening at home.

Most importantly, I feel they should know in case the behavior becomes a real problem. I had a child who was a hitter, and after a few weeks I had to term, it had become so bad! If I hadn't kept parent in the loop they would have been totally blind sided when I had to let them go!
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AmyKidsCo 08:51 PM 11-02-2017
ITA with CatHerder. I work with the child first, then if I think I need the parents' help I'll mention casually that we've been working on __________. Then if things don't improve I'll mention it again, and ask if they see that behavior at home. If they do I ask what they do about it, if not I'll ask what they recommend. But usually it doesn't get to that point.
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LK5kids 01:02 AM 11-03-2017
Generally I don't tell parents unless it's extreme enough I may terminate for. That rarely happens.
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DaveA 04:37 AM 11-03-2017
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
ITA with CatHerder. I work with the child first, then if I think I need the parents' help I'll mention casually that we've been working on __________. Then if things don't improve I'll mention it again, and ask if they see that behavior at home. If they do I ask what they do about it, if not I'll ask what they recommend. But usually it doesn't get to that point.
Pretty much what I do also. With the exception on one school ager I don't have any only children right now, so talking with DCPs helps me gauge how much of the behavior is specific to my house.
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Indoorvoice 07:18 AM 11-03-2017
I only bring it up if I think I might have to term for it later on so that the parent isn't surprised when I term for bad behavior.
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Blackcat31 07:33 AM 11-03-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
No hurt feelings here. I get that. And now that Iíve noticed the pattern, he rarely gets the chance to do it. This isnít really the question Iím asking, though I appreciate your feedback.

What Iíd really like to know is, should parents know about issues like this or is it better to leave them in ignorant bliss while I keep working on it? Whether or not Iím intervening (which I am), itís still a behavior Iím diligently working to remedy. I think as a parent, Iíd want to know.
For me, whether or not I tell the parent or discuss the issue with the parent is if I truly think the parent wants to know and wants to fix/address and work with me in regards to certain behaviors.

Some parents are hands-on, want to know everything their child does (good and bad) other parents seem to enjoy the ignorant bliss.

Depending on the parent type, I share or don't share.
Sometimes I am expecting a parent to work on things with their child and sometimes I don't expect or want the parent to do anything.

I had a 12 month old that hit and pulled hair alot! Mom thought is was "soooo cute!" and would stand holding baby during pick up/drop off facing her while baby smacked her in the face. Mom laughing all the while.....

I FULLY expected that parent to work with me in redirecting baby's physical aggression and to stop allowing or reinforcing the behavior like she was. I didn't expect her to stop anything at daycare but she definitely had the ability to influence her child as to what was and wasn't appropriate and acceptable behavior in general.

In those types of situations, I would share.
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Play Care 07:38 AM 11-03-2017
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
I only bring it up if I think I might have to term for it later on so that the parent isn't surprised when I term for bad behavior.
This. I would tell parents not because I expect them to do anything, but because I don't want to deal with their shock when I have to term.

At the same time, if the situation was similar to Blackcat's (the child being aggressive with the parent who misinterprets the behavior and thinks it's "cute" or "funny" ) then I absolutely would tell the parent flat out that their treatment of the behavior was causing it to be worse.
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Cat Herder 08:16 AM 11-03-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What Iíd really like to know is, should parents know about issues like this or is it better to leave them in ignorant bliss while I keep working on it? Whether or not Iím intervening (which I am), itís still a behavior Iím diligently working to remedy. I think as a parent, Iíd want to know.
Got it. Sorry. I was responding to "I let DCM know to keep an eye on it and work on it with him if she experiences it to help me out."

For me, the variables for asking for parental assistance is 1) is the behavior age appropriate? 2) can the parents interventions effect change in my home? 3) is the unwanted behavior due to my inability to meet the childs needs and/or does the child need professional intervention?

Age appropriate, unwanted, behaviors are addressed in their individual curriculum goals under the "social emotional" domain. It is documented with running notes/ observations. It is not generally reported as something the parent needs to work on but what the child is currently working on.

Ex: If the child were 5 and had an issue with violence against other children his age, I would go down the list and know that I am no longer able to meet this childs needs. I don't have enough space, resources or hands on deck for it. 1) no, 2) no, 3) yes = asking parent to find more appropriate environment/termination

I hope I am explaining myself well enough, words fail me today. Serious lack of sleep.
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Cat Herder 08:31 AM 11-03-2017
These free forms make it incredibly easy for me. I do them weekly and it keeps the parent in the loop and me motivated.
Attached: 25b1130ba73d88a5bf73504d86caac0c--curriculum-template-preschool-lesson-plan-template.jpg (33.5 KB) anectodal.jpg (28.1 KB) 
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hwichlaz 08:48 AM 11-03-2017
I absolutely let parents know if it's becoming an ongoing issue, because there may be something going on at home that's contributing to hit. They can't help if they don't know.
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Unregistered 09:17 AM 11-03-2017
Thanks everyone! All if your insight is extremely helpful and I totally agree with everything you all have recommended. 😊
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Unregistered 07:22 PM 11-04-2017
Just to update everyone who offered advice, DCM talked to me the following day at pick up and let me know that her son had reached for her hair to pull up to standing the same evening that I had discussed the issue with her. She removed his hand and corrected the behavior, showing him ďgentle touchesĒ just as I told her I would be doing.

He has already shown improvement and began patting the other kids on the back once I pulled his hand back from reaching for hair. Heís a smart little guy and Iím very pleased with the results of DCM and I working together to get this addressed ASAP.

She was actually happy I had communicated with her but had just been caught off guard, which I misinterpreted as being upset. All is well! 😊
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Tags:infant - behavior, infant safety
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