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Old 07-04-2012, 11:44 AM
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Default Super Nosy Won't Leave Daycare Mom

Help! I have a super nosy will never leave daycare mom. She picks up everyday and thinks that I should be able to stand there and chit chat with her for 20 minutes every day. She is nice so for awhile it wasn't that bad but now that I am trying to get my own kids fed for the night so we can get to there activities at night I am getting to my boiling point! I will literally walk off and say have a good night and she just stands there confused. I do an infant gram daily that i send home with my parents (bottles how much they ate and when, diaper changes, there mood). So, i feel like unless there is an issue i shouldn't have to chat with you for 20 minutes. Plus, she is one those parents that i always feel is probing around for information so i'm getting to hate even talking to her.

She sends her 5 month old in size one diapers that she is constantly exploding out of. And then for extra outfits she sends me clothes with poop stains on them. She tends to try to discipline my own children. If i am running late for supper i will let my kids have a snack to tie them over and she will always be so freaking nosy like are you guys suppose to eat snack, are you guys eating supper. its like leave my kids alone if they are eating supper should you be even interrupting them. And it is so annoying b/c she won't discipline her older kids when they come with at pick up. One time the little boy climbed on top of our glass patio table and she did nothing or he hops in my boys power wheels i told him to get out and he started crying and she said oh you made him cry. Not every toy is for your kids enjoyment. Plus, she will let her kids (who do not come to my daycare) go play in the back yard when she drops off in the morning! Is it just me or is this just rude? We are not even in the backyard. Plus, she is SUPER NOSY.

I think she thinks i should only have one infant but I am allowed to have up to two infants. so i recently took on an infant and yesterday when she came to pick up the other baby started crying so i said have a good night baby is crying. As i am walking away she is like oh i didn't know you had another infant. I said yes i took on another one. She asked a question and i just walked away. Get the hint i don't think i have to run by every kid that i take into my daycare. We also do remodeling in our house from time to time and she will come in the house to go look at it even though she knows daycare is downstairs. even once she had the nerve to poke her head in our bedroom! uggh does anyone else hate the feeling of parents just think b/c they pay you that they can do whatever, you no longer have privacy, and that you should have to chit chat for a half hour every day.

We do daycare downstairs so our childrens rooms are off limits so there nice toys don't get broken. And i even have to go as far as sending out reminders in the newsletters that no your child can not play with our kids $200 power wheels. its like they think everything in there house is for there kid and they should get to play with it!

So frustrated any advice would be appreciated

Last edited by Michael; 07-04-2012 at 03:45 PM.
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Old 07-04-2012, 01:50 PM
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I think your biggest issue now, is that this woman now thinks it is OK to behave this way. I don't allow parents to go upstairs, and would first put a gate to block their way, but if it happened a second time
I would tell her, "You are over stepping your boundaries. Non-daycare space are off limits. That is my HOME."

Tell her that for insurance reasons, non-daycare children are not permitted to stay and play. Ever.

I have never let a daycare parent correct my children either. I honestly don't even know whay I would say...
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Old 07-04-2012, 02:28 PM
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you have to start telling her exactly what is and is not okay with clear, short, simple sentences that she cant argue with. you are being too passive and she is taking that as a sign that she can do whatever she wants. If a mom keeps hanging around, i will straight out say "Okay I need you to leave now so I can get to work. See you tomorrow"

If her kids start coming in the house "Sorry, no big kids in the house. We pickup little brother/sister and then we go home. Bye!"

If she wanders around the house "I cant let you wander around the house. You are welcome in the daycare area for pickup and dropoff only. Thanks!"
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Old 07-04-2012, 02:50 PM
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We lock our bedroom door. NOBODY is going in there (it is the only room "off limits" in our downstairs since the entire downstairs is a daycare ... 900+ sq. ft.). Nobody has ever attempted to go to our upstairs, but I would say, "Excuse me, but that is off limits."

I would start opening the door saying, "We will see you tomorrow!" and staring while smiling.
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Old 07-04-2012, 03:15 PM
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I couldnt imagine acting like that in someones home. I dont even do that with close friends/family! I wonder why people think this type of stuff is ok... I have no advice, but I agree that she is way out of line.
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Old 07-04-2012, 03:45 PM
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I'm tagging this thread as "backbone".
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:00 PM
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Thanks for the advice! I guess my biggest issue with her is getting her out of my damn house ! She wants the infant grams daily but then why do i have to sit and talk with her for 20 minutes. I do think she got the hint last time when my children were having a quick tie me over snack and she asked them why they were having snack and we ignored her. she said ok don't answer me. And good idea on the because of insurance for siblings i never thought of that before. i need to be better about just handing the baby saying how her day was and just walking away. she is the type though that if you don't sit and kiss her ass then she will pull but maybe that will not be such a bad thing
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:01 PM
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one of the reasons she pulled from the last daycare i guess was because she felt like she was being pushed out at pick up. Now i see why the poor provider was sick of it too
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:05 PM
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I know she is going to grill me with 50 questions about this new baby when she comes back on thursday. Advice on how to reply? Is it wrong to feel like i don't need to share any information about how often that baby is coming, etc?
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Old 07-04-2012, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by bork276 View Post
I know she is going to grill me with 50 questions about this new baby when she comes back on thursday. Advice on how to reply? Is it wrong to feel like i don't need to share any information about how often that baby is coming, etc?
"Due to my privacy policy, I cannot discuss other children or families with you."

That's what I'd say, anyway.
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Old 07-04-2012, 09:01 PM
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"Due to my privacy policy, I cannot discuss other children or families with you."

That's what I'd say, anyway.
yup! i do think parents have a right to know how many kids you are caring for and when....but anything other than that such as details about the families personal lives, the parents jobs, etc, etc is completely off limits.
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Old 07-05-2012, 05:32 AM
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omg, I had this same type of mom for a while. And the worst part is due to financial reasons I am considering taking her back in the Fall (with her 2 younger kids, the other one aged out of my daycare). I know I am going to have to put my foot down more with her. I used to try everything to shoo her out the door, not much worked. As I talked to her I realized she is the "center of the universe" type - god forbid a dr. keep HER waiting, or someone is hosting a party that interferes with HER kids nap time, etc. She really thinks everything should revolve around her. If I could get other kids I wouldn't even think twice about taking her back (oh, and her daughter was sweet as pie, never a problem at all!!!).
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Old 07-05-2012, 06:21 AM
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You might just have to be blunt with her. Unfortunately, some people do not take hints. I do think you will have to tell her that it's unacceptable for her older children to play outside with no supervision -- if anything happens to them, it's on your property.

Easier said that done, I know. I'm not the world's best when it comes to backbone, but this is obviously stressing you out.
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Old 07-05-2012, 06:45 AM
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With some of my chatty parents I help them to the car. It signals the end of my day and is helpful if the parent has more than one child. Try to have the kids ready when mom arrives so they just have to grab coats and papers and go. You can remind mom that you put her infant note in the bag at that time too.
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Old 07-05-2012, 06:54 AM
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I know it can be hard to confront a parent about rude behavior. Most of the time I don't have a problem addressing a issue, but anytime I feel anxious about the possiblity of a face to face meeting, I start out by posting a "general" letter. For this issue, I would remind all parents about the rules of the house and to remember to be respectful of my open and closed hours and my family's personal spaces and things. And remind them, that at the end of a long hard day, I'm ready to "clock out" and "go home".

I do fib a little in the letter by making it appear as if I'm having a problem with "several" parents. (The parents are not going to poll each other to find out who it is, and the parents that have followed the rules don't worry about what the letter says). I then end the letter by basically saying that if the letter doesn't do the trick, then I will have to address the "parents" personally, and I ask that they please take care of this matter and not put me in that uncomfortable position.

It works 99% of the time, but there are those parents who will test you.
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious View Post
I know it can be hard to confront a parent about rude behavior. Most of the time I don't have a problem addressing a issue, but anytime I feel anxious about the possiblity of a face to face meeting, I start out by posting a "general" letter. For this issue, I would remind all parents about the rules of the house and to remember to be respectful of my open and closed hours and my family's personal spaces and things. And remind them, that at the end of a long hard day, I'm ready to "clock out" and "go home".

I do fib a little in the letter by making it appear as if I'm having a problem with "several" parents. (The parents are not going to poll each other to find out who it is, and the parents that have followed the rules don't worry about what the letter says). I then end the letter by basically saying that if the letter doesn't do the trick, then I will have to address the "parents" personally, and I ask that they please take care of this matter and not put me in that uncomfortable position.

It works 99% of the time, but there are those parents who will test you.
I do this too. It will often do the trick without getting confrontational. Especially if the parents are "good" in other ways and yet seem to push boundaries in other areas.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:51 AM
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so OP, what happened today??
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:05 AM
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I have not had a chance to read everyone's response in full.

I have learned that if you let it happen once, it will happen again and again. So in the future, don't entertain something you don't plan on doing again.

I would add to your rules about children that are NOT enrolled into your childcare. My insurance will not cover NON-daycare kids, so I have in my policy that NON-enrolled children may NOT play on the premises at any time. Right now I have a lot of kids with siblings that are not enrolled here and I stop them at the door and say thanks so much for waiting for mommy/daddy.

I would also add to your policy the quick pick up. If they have any questions or concerns, they can schedule a time to talk with you. I always welcome emails or invite them to call me during nap time if needed.

BE very up front about your polices and put your foot down. If the DCM sees you do nothing, then she will do the same. NOTHING...
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Old 07-05-2012, 11:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious View Post
I know it can be hard to confront a parent about rude behavior. Most of the time I don't have a problem addressing a issue, but anytime I feel anxious about the possiblity of a face to face meeting, I start out by posting a "general" letter. For this issue, I would remind all parents about the rules of the house and to remember to be respectful of my open and closed hours and my family's personal spaces and things. And remind them, that at the end of a long hard day, I'm ready to "clock out" and "go home".

I do fib a little in the letter by making it appear as if I'm having a problem with "several" parents. (The parents are not going to poll each other to find out who it is, and the parents that have followed the rules don't worry about what the letter says). I then end the letter by basically saying that if the letter doesn't do the trick, then I will have to address the "parents" personally, and I ask that they please take care of this matter and not put me in that uncomfortable position.

It works 99% of the time, but there are those parents who will test you.
This is excellent advice and what I do too

I think some parents view us at "friends" and yes we are to an extent but they don't stop to think we want to be done with our job just as they want to be done. They just don't think of that.

I have one mom and I love her. I always enjoy our talks, but her child acts up- because she doesn't know who is in charge during this time. She is ready to be done as she is the last child and wants to leave like she has seen the other kids come and go. Often I am just ready to be done for the day by the time this mom rolls in and she is on the dot every day! Even though she gets done a half hour ago and is not even three minutes from my house. It annoys me, but I feel it is part of doing business- and I am often as guilty as she is because even though her child is going coo coo to go home and even as anxious as I am to be done for the day- I engage. I guess I have a hard time when it is say good bye to everything in the daycare about fifty million times before we put one foot out the door- to say goodbye fifty more times to me. Mom often goes home to an empty house and even knowing she loves her child immensely and is a great mom, it is just getting there and she must view that half hour as her time before tackling on the two year old and life outside of her job. I could make a stink out of it, I choose that I don't. What I love about being my own BOSS. I choose!
I will say for days that I have to be somewhere I have gotten better about saying ok- I gotta run and finding busy work to move them along. Not easy to do but I make myself do it. My Family counts too!

This topic has come up several times before- but I always find it helpful and see how it could be helpful to others starting out-

I wouldn't call it fibbing. I would call it stating your policies for everyone to know and be reminded.

Your house and your things. I would put the car out of reach of daycare kids if possible. It is too tempting and way too cool for kids not to want to try it out. Cover it with a blanket or move it. It is ok, to have things that the daycare is not allowed to play with or touch- Going into your personal space- at the interview make it known clear where daycare is and that your personal space is not to be entered at any time. Put it on licensing- not a lie, true. Licensing does not allow entrance to rooms that have not been approved by our state rules- and then add and that is also my personal space. Grab your backbone and run with it on this. Good practice for the next .....................fill in the blank....being nice I would prob say ding dong client- tee hee

Hope this helps and again excellent advice Scrump-
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Old 07-05-2012, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpe******t View Post
We lock our bedroom door. NOBODY is going in there (it is the only room "off limits" in our downstairs since the entire downstairs is a daycare ... 900+ sq. ft.). Nobody has ever attempted to go to our upstairs, but I would say, "Excuse me, but that is off limits."

I would start opening the door saying, "We will see you tomorrow!" and staring while smiling.
I had a daycare mom go into our bedroom, chasing after her boy once!! That was the end of that!! I now shut all doors, to all bedrooms, etc. before pickup!!
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Old 07-05-2012, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by bork276 View Post
Thanks for the advice! I guess my biggest issue with her is getting her out of my damn house ! She wants the infant grams daily but then why do i have to sit and talk with her for 20 minutes. I do think she got the hint last time when my children were having a quick tie me over snack and she asked them why they were having snack and we ignored her. she said ok don't answer me. And good idea on the because of insurance for siblings i never thought of that before. i need to be better about just handing the baby saying how her day was and just walking away. she is the type though that if you don't sit and kiss her ass then she will pull but maybe that will not be such a bad thing
have the child/children ready to leave, or I play with them out in the front yard, so when they pull up, they are ready to go home. I give them all the info, I need to, and turn around and say goodnight!!! It works!!!
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Old 07-10-2012, 06:36 PM
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I totally agree. If you let it happen once.... I don't know how many times I've told my husband, "I should have never let them start that!" It's really hard for me to confront parents until I'm really mad and don't care if they pull their kids, before I'll say something. I just expect people to give me the respect that I give them and unfortunately I've come to learn that they won't unless you force them to.
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Old 07-10-2012, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by providerandmomof4 View Post
I totally agree. If you let it happen once.... I don't know how many times I've told my husband, "I should have never let them start that!" It's really hard for me to confront parents until I'm really mad and don't care if they pull their kids, before I'll say something. I just expect people to give me the respect that I give them and unfortunately I've come to learn that they won't unless you force them to.
It's a crazy world we live in. I'm always completely horrified by the parents that think they are the boss of my business.
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