Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>What Happened To BIG Families???
busymommy0420 12:16 PM 09-18-2012
I have 7 daycare families I work with. 5 out of the 7 families only have one child the other two families have two children. I am a Mommy of five, a sister to four and my husband is one of eight. What happened to BIG families? Is it the economy? We are doing well, we provide our kids with nice things, vacations, recreational activities, etc. What do you all think? I love having a big family. I love that my kids will have each other. Is having only one child the NEW trend??
Oneluckymom 12:19 PM 09-18-2012
Yes I think it is a combo of both economy and the new trend. Now it's a necessity for both parents to work and it's costly to raise kids.
missjenny 12:23 PM 09-18-2012
Someday I want a big family but right now I am not ready for even one little one. My hubby comes from a big family 5 other sibalings the oldest and youngest are 28 years apart. His dad came from a family of 11 kids.
LadyMacbeth 12:26 PM 09-18-2012
I think its more the economy than just a trend. I have two kids and have gotten my tubes blocked up. We don't think w can financially support any more kids and we also feel that having more is a responsibility we would rather not have. Its a lot of work with two. I can't imagine having to divide my time between more kids. I already feel like I'm not giving them enough of me. I'm not implying that your kids are being neglected, just that with my lifestyle i would be doing just that if i had anymore
NiNi.R. 12:39 PM 09-18-2012
I have two kids. I used to want a large family but now the idea of a large family seems rather exhausting for me. Maybe it's this job but I like that my children have "built in" brothers and sisters but they are not the kind I have to take care of 24/7. We also don't have the space for more children nor the finances to provide for a larger family in a comfortable manner. So a family of four it is!
daycare 12:45 PM 09-18-2012
I think it has to do with the fact that no one can afford ANYTHING!!
I wanted a big family, but cant have one. I do have 3 kids, but I wanted more.
So I will do foster care when my kids are older and out of the house.
Unless you have a great support system, I don't know how families could manage a big family now.
I wanted a big family, but cant have one. I do have 3 kids, but I wanted more.
So I will do foster care when my kids are older and out of the house.
Unless you have a great support system, I don't know how families could manage a big family now.
AnneCordelia 12:47 PM 09-18-2012
I have four kids of my own and love our larger family. I grew up as one of five.
Blackcat31 12:55 PM 09-18-2012
I am th eoldest of 6 children, my DH is the middle of a family of 5 boys and each of our parents came from families with 7 or more children.
All of my siblings have two or less children and of my 4 BIL's only 2 have kids. One has 2 kids and one has one child.
Big families are no longer common as the economy does not allow it and I think bigger families were a bit more self sufficient, in how they were raised. One parent usually at home, no daycare needs, families gardened and canned their food etc.
Those all seem to be things of the past and stay at home moms are no longer the norm.
Plus, with even the cheapest daycare rate out there, who could afford to work and have more than 1 or 2 kids in care?
All of my siblings have two or less children and of my 4 BIL's only 2 have kids. One has 2 kids and one has one child.
Big families are no longer common as the economy does not allow it and I think bigger families were a bit more self sufficient, in how they were raised. One parent usually at home, no daycare needs, families gardened and canned their food etc.
Those all seem to be things of the past and stay at home moms are no longer the norm.
Plus, with even the cheapest daycare rate out there, who could afford to work and have more than 1 or 2 kids in care?
MrsSteinel'sHouse 12:58 PM 09-18-2012
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
daycare 01:14 PM 09-18-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
this is very true...I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
My grandfather had 18 siblings. They had a huge family so that they could keep the family farm up and running. The more kids, the more help.
I do see that everyone now lives in a world of gadgets and trinkets that were never around before.
Just sitting here thinking about it, my kids have so many devices that I could sell any maybe pay for a semester or 3 at a university.
Country Kids 01:21 PM 09-18-2012
I would have loved to have 6 but we had 4. Now my husband wishes we had more, it was his decision on the 4.
He comes from a large family and I am a single. That was one reason I wanted a big family. My kids wish though they didn't come from one. They feel they could of had much more if there weren't so many children. We have the largest family on my hubs side. None of his siblings wanted a big family.
He comes from a large family and I am a single. That was one reason I wanted a big family. My kids wish though they didn't come from one. They feel they could of had much more if there weren't so many children. We have the largest family on my hubs side. None of his siblings wanted a big family.
Unregistered 01:41 PM 09-18-2012
We have 4 kids and still more gagets then we need. But I think because I am the daycare provider and not having to afford childcare, it makes a difference. Our kids are also spaced out enough that it didn't have a drastic affect on the limit of daycare kids we could have in addition to our own. One of my sil has 4 kids too but she only works part time and could bring her kids to work. Another has 3 kids but was a stay at home canning mom while they were young. I think when you have more kids you find a way to make it work, but that it's the fear of not making it work that keeps people from having more then 1 or 2.
spud912 01:42 PM 09-18-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
I think this is exactly the issue. I come from a family of 6 and always wanted a big family myself. The more children I have (I have 2 now and definitely want more), the harder I realize it is to sustain our current level of life. We dropped our cable and auto payments, I quit my job to stay at home, etc.; but if we want more children, there will have to be more cuts. It's all about what you value most in life (not saying that possessions are valued more than your own children; but in essence many people would rather not sacrifice these things for more children). If we want more children, we may have to cut down on things such as vacations, Smart phones, memberships (like the gym or Netflix), new clothing, entertainment, eating out at restaurants, personal toiletries, services, and certain foods. My once grandiose plan of having 6 children has definitely been trimmed down to 3 or 4. Plus, my pregnancies were far from "wonderful experiences" and I sometimes wonder if they were harder on me or my husband I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
.I remember growing up having to wear hand-me-downs, sharing bedrooms, never watching television, entertaining ourselves outside, taking cheap driving vacations and staying with family and not spending any money on cell phones, memberships, entertainment, restaurants and services. My mom had a garden outside that we would use for fresh fruits and vegetables. She also did a ton of canning and we would always have a large store of food in the cellar. We ate a lot of leftovers and sandwiches for lunches and sometimes dinner. All of our food was made from scratch. The grocery stores did not carry half of the processed food and out-of-season produce so everything we bought was in-season and reasonably priced.
Springdaze 01:53 PM 09-18-2012
I have 2 and wanted more when I was younger, but now glad I didnt have more. It doesnt have anything to do with money. We arent rich, but if we had more kids, we would just have to make it work. after I had my son, I just felt like that was all I needed. I certainly dont want more stuff than kids, frequently my mom gives me gift cards and has to specifically tell me not to spend them on the kids! Being older when I had kids might have contributed too, I was 34 when I had my son.
I used to feel weird at church with only 2, but now I dont care! I got one for each arm!
I used to feel weird at church with only 2, but now I dont care! I got one for each arm!
saved4always 02:00 PM 09-18-2012
For daycare families only having 1 or 2, I would say it is just too expensive for both parents to work once you have more than 2 kids. I stopped working outside my home after number 3 was born...cost was more than I would bring home.
As to families in general being smaller...most of my friends have at least 2 kids. Many have 3 like me. My sister only has 2 kids but she also was diagnosed with MS after the first so I am sure that factored into her decision. At our church, there are quite a few families with more than 3 kids. It is probably a combo of finances, family values and other factors that make couples decide on how many kids to have. I think it is true that the traditional family is not valued by as many people as it used to be but it is also way more expensive to raise kids today.
As to families in general being smaller...most of my friends have at least 2 kids. Many have 3 like me. My sister only has 2 kids but she also was diagnosed with MS after the first so I am sure that factored into her decision. At our church, there are quite a few families with more than 3 kids. It is probably a combo of finances, family values and other factors that make couples decide on how many kids to have. I think it is true that the traditional family is not valued by as many people as it used to be but it is also way more expensive to raise kids today.
Country Kids 02:27 PM 09-18-2012
I just realized what happened to big families-braces! Having 4 children and having all of them needing braces. I paid enough in braces for one year at a university. Well I figure they can model now with those nice straight white teeth and raise the money for college.
Having 4 children and having all of them needing braces. I paid enough in braces for one year at a university. Well I figure they can model now with those nice straight white teeth and raise the money for college.
Crazy8 02:32 PM 09-18-2012
I do think its a combination of things - the economy, more working moms and women waiting till later in life to have children. I've rarely had a daycare family who remains at just one child though - most are 2 kid families. The 3-4+ kids family is a rarity with daycare families but many of my friends have 3-4 kids.
I disagree with the whole birth control, devaluing of marriage theory but everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Plain and simple we don't live in the world we lived in 20-40 years ago. Which is a good thing for all of us here because if all moms were SAHM's like back in our grandparents day we'd all be out of business.
I disagree with the whole birth control, devaluing of marriage theory but everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Plain and simple we don't live in the world we lived in 20-40 years ago. Which is a good thing for all of us here because if all moms were SAHM's like back in our grandparents day we'd all be out of business.
momofsix 02:47 PM 09-18-2012
I have 6 (all girls, 2 adopted), my sister has 5. The rest of my siblings have 2, 2 and 1. They said they chose to have families so they could give their kids more stuff. (their own words)
Our girls definitely didn't grow up with the brand names, or any of the electronics, vacations, expensive toys...but they are all well adjusted teens and grown-ups even having gone without
(sadly I can't say the same for all of my nieces/nephews)
Our girls definitely didn't grow up with the brand names, or any of the electronics, vacations, expensive toys...but they are all well adjusted teens and grown-ups even having gone without
(sadly I can't say the same for all of my nieces/nephews)
jojosmommy 03:54 PM 09-18-2012
I think its far more complex than money.
More moms work. Its a more complex choice to have kids with work schedules, time off, commitments, upcoming promotions or projects etc. Also, time off work with out pay can affect a choice.
Also, back then moms didnt have a choice not to have kids year in year out. Societial norms dont dictate household size like in the past.
Parents are parenting later because of college and costs of college. This was not an issue in the past. If you wait until 30 or 35 to have your first you have naturally decreased the number of kids you can have without intervention.
An opinion of mine is that foods and the environment are changing our bodies at an alarming rate and this undoubtly affects reproduction. I hear of more and more people with infertility.
More moms work. Its a more complex choice to have kids with work schedules, time off, commitments, upcoming promotions or projects etc. Also, time off work with out pay can affect a choice.
Also, back then moms didnt have a choice not to have kids year in year out. Societial norms dont dictate household size like in the past.
Parents are parenting later because of college and costs of college. This was not an issue in the past. If you wait until 30 or 35 to have your first you have naturally decreased the number of kids you can have without intervention.
An opinion of mine is that foods and the environment are changing our bodies at an alarming rate and this undoubtly affects reproduction. I hear of more and more people with infertility.
cheerfuldom 04:44 PM 09-18-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
wowsers....tell it like it is hunny! of course not everyone is like that but I do agree with your point for many people. In fact, I know many parents like this. They don't want to sacrifice ANYTHING for their kids. They are not horrible people but their desire for a certain lifestyle far outweighs anything else.I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
MarinaVanessa 05:53 PM 09-18-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
My grandmother on my moms side had 12 children, my grandmother on my dad's side had 8. BOTH of my parents remember growing up in hard times and having to work at an early age (like 10-12). Both talked about how only the eldest ever got new clothes and that the clothes was passed down from child to child and how they couldn't afford new toys because most of their income went to food, rent and utilities. They both said that they wouldn't do that to their own kids so they only had 2, myself and my sister. I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
I wouldn't say that it's a quest to have more stuff but more like information and birth control are more accesible now and parents are more likely to think about how having a large family will impact their family. In most cases (not all, there are exceptions of course) the lower income the family, the less access to information and resources and the larger family they have. Statistically anyway impoverished areas have larger number of children while upper classes have less.
My DH and I have 2 children and are thinking about whether or not to have a third. When we think about the cost of infant supplies, furniture, space (we would want to move out into a larger home before having another baby so that we don't have to squish 3 kids into a 10x10 room), life insurance, health insurance, extracurricular activities, college tuition etc. it's daunting. I would hate to have another child if I couldn't provide at least the these things for each child and that's not including the stuff that we as parents WANT to give them like the awesome toys, trips etc. And our family doesn't wear brand clothes, it's all clearance rack and specials at Kohl's and Target for us, we buy imitation wood furniture, buy groceries and supplies from bulk discount stores, clip coupons etc. Personally for me and my DH having another child means either he or I have to make more money in order to afford all of the things that another child would require and for that reason we choose to wait.
I can't speak for anyone else but from my own experiences in my grandmother's age and even for my parents it was unheard of for the woman to use birth control. In our culture you get pregnant because your husband told you so. My grandmother almost died giving birth to her 6th child and the Dr's told her it was dangerous to have more so they gave her birth control and my grandfather beat her because you simply didn't take birth control when you were married. You just simply didn't deny your husband "his right" to a family. My parents only had 2 kids by choice and people whispered that my mother must have not been able to have more kids (as in there must be something wrong with her and she must be barren) because they didn't have more kids. Looking back on this it sounds harsh and silly but that was the way it was for them.
Nowadays people don't think the same. A woman has more freedom and choice even in my culture and our generation has access to more information without having to leave our homes that families can make decisions based on options available to them. Also a woman's life doesn't revolve around cooking, cleaning, raising children and keeping your husband happy. It's more equal now and women make decisions also and marriage works both ways moreso I think than before. Women have dreams of not only family but of other things also. Having 6 children just doesn't appeal to some women (like me
) and others want nothing better than to live a domestic life and have a large family and the same goes for the men also, some men now don't want lots or any kids at all.So I think it's more about how we know our options and what's out there so we choose what type of life we want. Long ago women stayed home and took care of the kids and that was it. Times change and things are different now. Yes, I think it has a lot to do with the economy also but people didn't start having only 2 kids just as the economy got bad ... it's been happening for a while now. Or maybe it has a lot to do with the area you live also ... in my area there aren't a lot of people really that have 3 kids or more. I know of one family that has four kids going on their 5th and they are intense God fearing people (not saying this is the reason although they have told me that it's their duty to God). I'm not sure if they were joking or not because with them (they are great people btw) it's hard to know when they're being serious or joking
. So anyway, I know I was all over the place and I know I ranted but from my experiences I know that a lot of different things contribute to a family choosing to have lots of kids, none at all or just a few.
Angelsj 08:38 PM 09-18-2012
I have eight 
I have to agree with the idea that we devalue family. It is sad.
I have to agree with the idea that we devalue family. It is sad.
daycarediva 04:41 AM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
I think this is exactly right. I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
Meeko 04:51 AM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
I have eight
I have to agree with the idea that we devalue family. It is sad.
I have eight
I have to agree with the idea that we devalue family. It is sad.
Mom2Five+ 06:01 AM 09-19-2012
I am from a family of 6 girls and my husband is an only child. We have 5 (3 adopted) and one of my sisters has 3. The others either have 1 or 2 and talk about me having the most. It is hard but we make it work. I wouldn't change it for the world. They all do have gadgets and we do family trips. With my husband being in the Navy we learned how to budget and save. We have family meetings and decide what we want to do or where we want to go and we all come up with ideas of how we are all going to save and put money away.
boysx5 09:45 AM 09-19-2012
I have five sons and love having a large family most days. Lol I am one of 4 and dh comes from a family of 8. I always wanted a large family from the time I was young girl.
Sugar Magnolia 10:58 AM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
I like more stuff personally. I have 2 kids, and they like more stuff too. Oh, and I am too old for more babies, so I go for even more stuff, like motorcycles. Motorcycles are more fun than babies. I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
jojosmommy 10:58 AM 09-19-2012
Wait... so it is right and good to have lots of kids and wrong and immoral to have only 1,2 or a few?????????????????????? 
Shouldn't we be praising those who are making the CHOICE to do what fits their family, their life, their income, the impact of many kids on the environment, their individual mental and emotional health, as well as their physical health?
My husband and I planned VERY PURPOSEFULLY to get preganant each time we CHOSE to do so. We thought of many factors, only some of which I listed above. I find it disturbing that some of you are insinuating that I would be more right, more moral, to just keep on having sex without any pre-planning of the consequences. Somehow I am devaluating family because I am an intentional being who is making very intentional choices about my family, and the impact of my choices on everyones future?
countrymom 11:02 AM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by MrsSteinel'sHouse:
I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
I so agree with you.I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children. It is the promotion of birth control. People have lived through difficult times and still had large families. It is not the economy per se, it is more the quest to have more stuff than children.
I'm sorry but this has nothing to do with the economy. It has to do with the me generation. We see it everyday in our business. Parents can't even take care of one kid but will have every gadget possible. Its now about stuff, do you know how many people are in debt and live paycheque to paycheque because they need the newest toy.
I have 4 kids (I have 2 other sisters and dh has 4 siblings) we go to florida every year, they take alot of activities and my house is almost paid off (in 3 or 4 yrs) and we live within our means (thanks dave ramsey) we buy what we can afford and pay cash. And yes, we also have a lot of gadgets in my house too (I just bought another computer)
also I find that there are alot more perks with a large family. My kids always have someone to play with. They always come up with great ideas. But what I find is that they will make friends with anyone and welcome anyone to play with them. One thing I do notice is that they can't stand naughty children. Oh you should see us when we go and cheer each other on, we are so loud.
Sugar Magnolia 11:17 AM 09-19-2012
Seriously, if I have 2 kids already, am NOT living paycheck to paycheck, provide everything my kids need, what is wrong with "stuff"? I work hard, have a happy and healthy family life, so if I want stuff, I buy it. I'm with jojosmommy, size of family is a personal choice, and we should judge not, lest we be judged.
daycare 11:25 AM 09-19-2012
this!!!!~!
momofsix 11:33 AM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by jojosmommy:
Wait... so it is right and good to have lots of kids and wrong and immoral to have only 1,2 or a few??????????????????????
Shouldn't we be praising those who are making the CHOICE to do what fits their family, their life, their income, the impact of many kids on the environment, their individual mental and emotional health, as well as their physical health?
My husband and I planned VERY PURPOSEFULLY to get preganant each time we CHOSE to do so. We thought of many factors, only some of which I listed above. I find it disturbing that some of you are insinuating that I would be more right, more moral, to just keep on having sex without any pre-planning of the consequences. Somehow I am devaluating family because I am an intentional being who is making very intentional choices about my family, and the impact of my choices on everyones future?
As I read the responses I can see where it may come across that way...Wait... so it is right and good to have lots of kids and wrong and immoral to have only 1,2 or a few?????????????????????? Shouldn't we be praising those who are making the CHOICE to do what fits their family, their life, their income, the impact of many kids on the environment, their individual mental and emotional health, as well as their physical health?
My husband and I planned VERY PURPOSEFULLY to get preganant each time we CHOSE to do so. We thought of many factors, only some of which I listed above. I find it disturbing that some of you are insinuating that I would be more right, more moral, to just keep on having sex without any pre-planning of the consequences. Somehow I am devaluating family because I am an intentional being who is making very intentional choices about my family, and the impact of my choices on everyones future?
but I could turn it around on you and say you're saying that I "just kept having sex with out any preplanning of the consequences"!
For some reason we (women especially I think) need to validate the choices we make to others and too many times the way we validate our own choices is by putting others choices down.
My dh and I did not try to make sure we could pay for every little thing our girls would need before they were born/adopted, we would have never had any kids! We had enough though...we reused our baby equipment, the kids wore hand-me-downs, we homeschooled and when we stopped that we paid for tuition through 12th grade-we're not paying for their college and I don't feel I need to. We were not poor by any means, but we did have a tight budget for many years. Our girls were worth that to me. We have an awesome family and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world!
Someone else might not be ok with living like we did and that is ok.
I know my siblings that have smaller families did so because they wanted to give their kids more "stuff". In some ways that rubs wrong because it seems like things are more important than people. I know they think we're wrong for not buying our kids the top stuff, for not having the most up to date house, for having our kids share rooms and for not buying our kids cars when they turn 16. It goes both ways I guess
MarinaVanessa 12:11 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by momofsix:
As I read the responses I can see where it may come across that way...
but I could turn it around on you and say you're saying that I "just kept having sex with out any preplanning of the consequences"!
I know that this comment was not directed at me but I will respond (PS I mean nothing negative at all toward your comment. I actually agree with what you say) ... upon reading the comment about how "I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children" and those comments saying that agree to it I felt like that's what those people were saying. That because I chose to only have 2 kids that I was "de-valuing" marriage which is not true. I made the comment earlier that said that nowadays people have a choice and the choice is between both people and also having a large family is not socially expected anymore like it used to be. It's a choice now, not just "how things are". As I read the responses I can see where it may come across that way...
but I could turn it around on you and say you're saying that I "just kept having sex with out any preplanning of the consequences"!
I personally didn't see anything wrong with Jojosmommy's comment ... she pretty much pointed out the blanket statement and questioned wether SHE (not others) should have continued to have more kids even though she knew she couldn't afford the etc. The way I read the comment that says "I think it is the de-valuing of traditional marriage, families, and children" and those similar is just like saying that those of us who chose not to have large families do so because we care more about stuff than having a family. That makes me sad
.I made my choices based on what my family could afford and can take on. Having another child right now would mean that I would have to boot one of my DC kids out ... that means I would be losing income on top of having more expenses that come with having a child.
I want to be able to privide a good life to my children, not spoil them ... and I deffinetely didn't choose to not have another baby right now because I want more stuff.
We live in a 1,200 sq ft condo ... not in a 3,000 sq ft lavish home
We drive economical and sensible cars ... not expensive ones
We go camping on vacations ... not on cruises, airplane rides or even out of our state.
Except for birthdays and Christmas we buy thrift store and garage sale toys ... we don't splurge regularly or even come close to spending $600-$1000 during the holidays like I see so many people that I know do.
I don't get my hair and nails done
My husband cuts his own hair
We live a comfortably and have the things that we need ... sometimes we save up for something that we don't need but want but in no way do we choose to only have 2 kids because we want more "stuff". If anything we give up our want to have "more stuff" and sacrifice what we wish we could have so that we can maybe one day afford to have another baby.
I know why I made the choices that I have made when it comes to my family and I know that in no way does my choice to have only a few kids in any way mean that I devalue my family. It means that I love my family so much and knowing what our finances are my husband and I have chosen not to make our kids do without by adding another member to our family.
I wish I could afford a larger family, I'm glad that people can afford to have larger families ... and actually a little envious. In my situation and where I live the cost of living is pretty high and I can't justify making my kids sacrifice so that my husband and I can expand our family.
Sugar Magnolia 12:14 PM 09-19-2012
Well said Marina!
itlw8 12:28 PM 09-19-2012
I valued my family of 2 as much as a mother with 5 or 8
It used to be you could make it without going to college. sending 5 to college without them needing student loans is a huge undertaking. Many families can not do that so stop with a smaller family.
I dearly wanted a third child.It would have been selfish if me to have had that child as we could not supported 3 children comfortably
Besides the population on this earth is exploding. there are not enough resourses for everyone to have large families. It is great some people can afford it and have a choice. But to say those of us that have small families devalue families is just not right. Maybe we just value the earth more?
It used to be you could make it without going to college. sending 5 to college without them needing student loans is a huge undertaking. Many families can not do that so stop with a smaller family.
I dearly wanted a third child.It would have been selfish if me to have had that child as we could not supported 3 children comfortably
Besides the population on this earth is exploding. there are not enough resourses for everyone to have large families. It is great some people can afford it and have a choice. But to say those of us that have small families devalue families is just not right. Maybe we just value the earth more?
itlw8 12:34 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I like more stuff personally. I have 2 kids, and they like more stuff too. Oh, and I am too old for more babies, so I go for even more stuff, like motorcycles. Motorcycles are more fun than babies.
I got no stuff and I got 2 kids... good thing I have 4 grand babies. I can get them stuff. LOLI like more stuff personally. I have 2 kids, and they like more stuff too. Oh, and I am too old for more babies, so I go for even more stuff, like motorcycles. Motorcycles are more fun than babies.
DCBlessings27 01:32 PM 09-19-2012
IMO, this topic is just like the breastfeeding one. Each person makes his/her own choices as to the size of his/her family. For me, my husband and I are stopping after I have this second baby in December. Our families think we should continue because we won't have a boy, but it's our choice as a couple.
I guess maybe I'm in the minority, but I HATED being part of a big family (when I was growing up). I'm the second oldest of 5 kids. I love my siblings all dearly, and we're all still very close. But, the childhood I had is not the childhood I want for my two girls. It seemed that every time we all trooped into a restaurant, church, or anywhere in public, people just stared as if we were part of a circus. I even grew up Catholic, but the smaller families were common and would just stare. My mom wanted a large family and would have kept going with more even though her doctor said no more after the 4th child. My dad finally said no more after my baby sis was born (#5). I love my parents, and I don't judge them for their choices.
Yes, we wore hand-me-downs. I remember loving a Guess jacket that my cousins had passed down. I cringe at photos of me in the clothes I wore back in elementary school though. Yes, we always had kids to play with. Yes, it taught me strong work ethic. I started working in a retail store 2 days after I turned 16; I went on my 16th birthday to do the required drug test. Yes, I have student loans because my dairy farming father could definitely not afford to send 5 children to college. Yes, there is nothing better than the unconditional love of a child as my mother always tells me. Yes, I am the person I am today because of how I was raised.
But, I want to offer my children experiences I didn't get. Instead of leaving our 3 year old with grandparents, we have always taken her on vacations with us. We went to Chicago in June and took her with us. She may not remember it, but we had her experience museums, such as The Field Museum and The Chicago Art Museum. Next Saturday, Sept. 29th is Free Museum Day. We always go visit at least one museum on this day. We want to impart knowledge and culture on our children. If we had other kids or I didn't work, we wouldn't have the money to offer our children the experiences we think are important.
We did visit Disney World last December with my husband's family. My mom has said that she always wished she could have taken her kids there.
A comment I read today on another site has stuck with me: Own our choices happily.
I guess maybe I'm in the minority, but I HATED being part of a big family (when I was growing up). I'm the second oldest of 5 kids. I love my siblings all dearly, and we're all still very close. But, the childhood I had is not the childhood I want for my two girls. It seemed that every time we all trooped into a restaurant, church, or anywhere in public, people just stared as if we were part of a circus. I even grew up Catholic, but the smaller families were common and would just stare. My mom wanted a large family and would have kept going with more even though her doctor said no more after the 4th child. My dad finally said no more after my baby sis was born (#5). I love my parents, and I don't judge them for their choices.
Yes, we wore hand-me-downs. I remember loving a Guess jacket that my cousins had passed down. I cringe at photos of me in the clothes I wore back in elementary school though. Yes, we always had kids to play with. Yes, it taught me strong work ethic. I started working in a retail store 2 days after I turned 16; I went on my 16th birthday to do the required drug test. Yes, I have student loans because my dairy farming father could definitely not afford to send 5 children to college. Yes, there is nothing better than the unconditional love of a child as my mother always tells me. Yes, I am the person I am today because of how I was raised.
But, I want to offer my children experiences I didn't get. Instead of leaving our 3 year old with grandparents, we have always taken her on vacations with us. We went to Chicago in June and took her with us. She may not remember it, but we had her experience museums, such as The Field Museum and The Chicago Art Museum. Next Saturday, Sept. 29th is Free Museum Day. We always go visit at least one museum on this day. We want to impart knowledge and culture on our children. If we had other kids or I didn't work, we wouldn't have the money to offer our children the experiences we think are important.
We did visit Disney World last December with my husband's family. My mom has said that she always wished she could have taken her kids there.
A comment I read today on another site has stuck with me: Own our choices happily.
Country Kids 01:46 PM 09-19-2012
I was an only and to this day I hate it.
When my hubs and I set out to have children we didn't have a "magic" number of how many to have. I left that up to God. When we had a boy and girl everyone said "Oh, well thats great you had one of each as you can be done now!". I couldn't believe people said that!
We have a baby up in heaven and have their birthstone on my mothers ring so I can proudly say I had 5 children. One of ours was quite a surprise has we were using birthcontrol, but we were so excited!
My kids have worn hand me downs and we shop in thrift stores but not exclusively. We make sure we put really cute outfits together for the kids. My one daughter loves a good bargin. Sets out to find them!
We have never gone on a "big" trip but shooting for it next summer. My kids have experienced alot though through travel. Even if its 50 miles from town we find something interesting to do.
I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth and you would never know it. To this day I can remember the one thing or two things my parents never bought me that I had asked for. I strive for a very simple life and the older I get the more simple I want it. Nice cars mean nothing, just a paid off car. A little bigger home would be nice-1300 square feet with 6 people and 10 dck's gets a little crowded sometimes but I do have a home. Our travel trailer I think is 20 feet if that big and when people see six people piling out of it most say "there's alot of love right there".
Yes, sometimes I wish I had the money for everything but guess what. Even if we only had one child I still couldn't afford the university, the car at 16, and the $400 dollar dress for the prom.
When my hubs and I set out to have children we didn't have a "magic" number of how many to have. I left that up to God. When we had a boy and girl everyone said "Oh, well thats great you had one of each as you can be done now!
". I couldn't believe people said that!We have a baby up in heaven and have their birthstone on my mothers ring so I can proudly say I had 5 children. One of ours was quite a surprise has we were using birthcontrol, but we were so excited!
My kids have worn hand me downs and we shop in thrift stores but not exclusively. We make sure we put really cute outfits together for the kids. My one daughter loves a good bargin. Sets out to find them!
We have never gone on a "big" trip but shooting for it next summer. My kids have experienced alot though through travel. Even if its 50 miles from town we find something interesting to do.
I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth and you would never know it. To this day I can remember the one thing or two things my parents never bought me that I had asked for. I strive for a very simple life and the older I get the more simple I want it. Nice cars mean nothing, just a paid off car. A little bigger home would be nice-1300 square feet with 6 people and 10 dck's gets a little crowded sometimes but I do have a home. Our travel trailer I think is 20 feet if that big and when people see six people piling out of it most say "there's alot of love right there".
Yes, sometimes I wish I had the money for everything but guess what. Even if we only had one child I still couldn't afford the university, the car at 16, and the $400 dollar dress for the prom.
spud912 02:16 PM 09-19-2012
I hope no offense was taken to anything anyone said here. The question was overall: what happened to big families; it was not: why did you choose to have the size of family you did. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they chose (or accidentally 
) had as many children as they did.
With that being said, I think what MrsSteinel (and correct me if I'm wrong) was saying was generally, families are having less children because they would prefer to maintain their current lifestyle, birth control is more readily available and emphasized, and family circumstances (like divorces) sometimes limit the amount of children that people are having (as opposed to the past when people were more serious about the sanctity of marriage). None of this should be taken personally as a stab directly at your own situation . . . it was a blanket generalization. If I interpreted her statement correctly, I agree 100% with all of the above.
If you chose to have a smaller family and are happy with your choice, then that is great! Nobody here is judging you for your choices. I personally want more, but not as many as I had originally wanted because I fall into the first category (there are only so many lifestyle sacrifices we as a family are willing to make). However, I don't think it's entirely necessary to purchase cars and college tuition for my children. I think purchasing those items on your own gives you a better sense of their worth.
I think so many times, people with larger families are wrongfully judged in today's world. It sometimes seems to me that if you want more than 2 children, then you must not care about the environment, overpopulation, and your children automatically fall into the "unruly" category. I hate going to a restaurant, seeing a large family with 6 children coming in, and watching all of the people stare at the large family in disgust.
) had as many children as they did. With that being said, I think what MrsSteinel (and correct me if I'm wrong) was saying was generally, families are having less children because they would prefer to maintain their current lifestyle, birth control is more readily available and emphasized, and family circumstances (like divorces) sometimes limit the amount of children that people are having (as opposed to the past when people were more serious about the sanctity of marriage). None of this should be taken personally as a stab directly at your own situation . . . it was a blanket generalization. If I interpreted her statement correctly, I agree 100% with all of the above.
If you chose to have a smaller family and are happy with your choice, then that is great! Nobody here is judging you for your choices. I personally want more, but not as many as I had originally wanted because I fall into the first category (there are only so many lifestyle sacrifices we as a family are willing to make
). However, I don't think it's entirely necessary to purchase cars and college tuition for my children. I think purchasing those items on your own gives you a better sense of their worth.I think so many times, people with larger families are wrongfully judged in today's world. It sometimes seems to me that if you want more than 2 children, then you must not care about the environment, overpopulation, and your children automatically fall into the "unruly" category. I hate going to a restaurant, seeing a large family with 6 children coming in, and watching all of the people stare at the large family in disgust.
AmyLeigh 02:22 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by spud912:
I hope no offense was taken to anything anyone said here. The question was overall: what happened to big families; it was not: why did you choose to have the size of family you did. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they chose (or accidentally) had as many children as they did.
With that being said, I think what MrsSteinel (and correct me if I'm wrong) was saying was generally, families are having less children because they would prefer to maintain their current lifestyle, birth control is more readily available and emphasized, and family circumstances (like divorces) sometimes limit the amount of children that people are having (as opposed to the past when people were more serious about the sanctity of marriage). None of this should be taken personally as a stab directly at your own situation . . . it was a blanket generalization. If I interpreted her statement correctly, I agree 100% with all of the above.
If you chose to have a smaller family and are happy with your choice, then that is great! Nobody here is judging you for your choices. I personally want more, but not as many as I had originally wanted because I fall into the first category (there are only so many lifestyle sacrifices we as a family are willing to make). However, I don't think it's entirely necessary to purchase cars and college tuition for my children. I think purchasing those items on your own gives you a better sense of their worth.
I think so many times, people with larger families are wrongfully judged in today's world. It sometimes seems to me that if you want more than 2 children, then you must not care about the environment, overpopulation, and your children automatically fall into the "unruly" category. I hate going to a restaurant, seeing a large family with 6 children coming in, and watching all of the people stare at the large family in disgust.
I hope no offense was taken to anything anyone said here. The question was overall: what happened to big families; it was not: why did you choose to have the size of family you did. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they chose (or accidentally
) had as many children as they did. With that being said, I think what MrsSteinel (and correct me if I'm wrong) was saying was generally, families are having less children because they would prefer to maintain their current lifestyle, birth control is more readily available and emphasized, and family circumstances (like divorces) sometimes limit the amount of children that people are having (as opposed to the past when people were more serious about the sanctity of marriage). None of this should be taken personally as a stab directly at your own situation . . . it was a blanket generalization. If I interpreted her statement correctly, I agree 100% with all of the above.
If you chose to have a smaller family and are happy with your choice, then that is great! Nobody here is judging you for your choices. I personally want more, but not as many as I had originally wanted because I fall into the first category (there are only so many lifestyle sacrifices we as a family are willing to make
). However, I don't think it's entirely necessary to purchase cars and college tuition for my children. I think purchasing those items on your own gives you a better sense of their worth.I think so many times, people with larger families are wrongfully judged in today's world. It sometimes seems to me that if you want more than 2 children, then you must not care about the environment, overpopulation, and your children automatically fall into the "unruly" category. I hate going to a restaurant, seeing a large family with 6 children coming in, and watching all of the people stare at the large family in disgust.
I have 3 children, and people look at me like I am Michelle Duggar!
Blackcat31 02:25 PM 09-19-2012
"Historically, declines in birth rates have gone hand in hand with economic downturns.
During the financial slumps of the early 1990's and 1970's, the birth rates fell 15% and 18%, respectively. In the midst of the Great Depression, the birth rate was down by 17%.
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
The escalating cost, coupled with the most recent economic downturn, has caused many women to postpone or even forgo their plans to have children, said Steven Martin, a senior research associate for the Institute of Human Development and Social Change at New York University. "Certainly economic calamity does cause a significant decline in fertility," he said."
http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/r...rate/index.htm
During the financial slumps of the early 1990's and 1970's, the birth rates fell 15% and 18%, respectively. In the midst of the Great Depression, the birth rate was down by 17%.
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
The escalating cost, coupled with the most recent economic downturn, has caused many women to postpone or even forgo their plans to have children, said Steven Martin, a senior research associate for the Institute of Human Development and Social Change at New York University. "Certainly economic calamity does cause a significant decline in fertility," he said."
http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/r...rate/index.htm
Country Kids 02:26 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by AmyLeigh:
I have 3 children, and people look at me like I am Michelle Duggar!
Oh, when I was pregnant with my fourth (after our one baby didn't make it) relatives actually said "People are going to wonder what religion you are!"I have 3 children, and people look at me like I am Michelle Duggar!
spud912 02:36 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
"Historically, declines in birth rates have gone hand in hand with economic downturns.
During the financial slumps of the early 1990's and 1970's, the birth rates fell 15% and 18%, respectively. In the midst of the Great Depression, the birth rate was down by 17%.
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
The escalating cost, coupled with the most recent economic downturn, has caused many women to postpone or even forgo their plans to have children, said Steven Martin, a senior research associate for the Institute of Human Development and Social Change at New York University. "Certainly economic calamity does cause a significant decline in fertility," he said."
http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/r...rate/index.htm
Yes, I agree with this also. There are so many reasons to having less children nowadays. Here are the main reasons (in my opinion):"Historically, declines in birth rates have gone hand in hand with economic downturns.
During the financial slumps of the early 1990's and 1970's, the birth rates fell 15% and 18%, respectively. In the midst of the Great Depression, the birth rate was down by 17%.
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
The escalating cost, coupled with the most recent economic downturn, has caused many women to postpone or even forgo their plans to have children, said Steven Martin, a senior research associate for the Institute of Human Development and Social Change at New York University. "Certainly economic calamity does cause a significant decline in fertility," he said."
http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/r...rate/index.htm
- Inflation (higher cost of goods like groceries and gas)
- The need for two incomes (thus less stay-at-home-parents and a need for childcare)
- Higher cost to raising children (car seats, etc.)
- Change in family dynamics (divorces)
- Different social "norms" (it is not as socially acceptable to have larger families)
- Higher consumerism
- Schedule conflicts (this ties into both parents working)
- Less religious influence
- More emphasis on medicine, health and dentistry (more is known about conditions, allergies, etc; resulting in more medical payments)
- Later onset of starting a family (usually due to starting a career first)
- More infertility
AmyLeigh 03:05 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
"
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
"
http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/r...rate/index.htm
People don't read that correctly. It says that a middle income family could spend an average of 226,920 raising a child from birth to age 18."
Meanwhile, the cost of raising a child has risen steadily since the U.S. Department of Agriculture began tracking the data in 1960. From buying car seats and strollers to paying for childcare and schooling, a middle-income family could spend an average of $226,920 to raise a child born in 2010 to age 18 (and that doesn't include overwhelming cost of college), according to the USDA.
"
http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/r...rate/index.htm
Goodness, I could spend a lot more than that, but I don't. When I looked at the USDA calculator, I laughed at how much I was spending on my kids. I spend maybe 2/3 of that. There are assumptions in the report that run the gamut of not necessarily true to down right laughable.
momofsix 03:14 PM 09-19-2012
I love how we can be so different and have different opinions, yet still value each persons choices I'm going waaaaaaaay off topic here, but I hope it's ok for me to throw this in here???
For those that would like a bigger family but are worried about the money or worried about the earth's resources being stretched too thin...please think about adopting! There are so many kids languishing in foster care that need a home and family. If you adopt "special needs" (which can be as simple as being part of a sibling group or being older than a year!) adoption costs are covered by the state. Often times there is even a subsidy offered to help pay their expenses until they turn 18. Our adopted kids' health insurance and medical needs are all taken care of until they turn 18.
OK...thanks for letting me get that out there. There is really a huge need right in our own country for families to adopt kids!
jokalima 09:04 PM 09-19-2012
I read some different answers and obviously there different points of view. I do think is because now men and women both need to work. But I think that most of the time is a choice not necessarily a necessity. My example, we made some wrong choices with our finances, now we need to pay up our debt and in order to do that we need to work, the 2 of us. If we had not been that greedy and ambisious in our yunger years when we got married, maybe right now I would not have to be working with a bunch of kids that are driving me nuts, and i don't mean it in a bad way, but they do drive me nuts In other families peoples want to work because they want more, better houses, better cars, travel, and all of that is good but I don't think it was the way it was supposed to be.
I've never seen a woman that stays at home as inferior, I don't think that being able to go to college and work as professionals makes us equal, we are equal because we are human beings and God's children, not because of a piece of paper hanging on a wall. I don't believe that knowing more about contraceptives or being able to "choose" over our bodies makes us equal, we are equal because we are all made of flesh and bones. My point is that many woman now days have a "progressive" thinking,more work, more material stuff, less kids and if I do have kids other people will raise them for me. now more and more woman are postponing their pregnancies, some are even just saying they won't have children because it will interfere with their successful lives. Today this post is about what happened to big families, in the future the post will be about What happened to families? And that is scary
In other families peoples want to work because they want more, better houses, better cars, travel, and all of that is good but I don't think it was the way it was supposed to be.I've never seen a woman that stays at home as inferior, I don't think that being able to go to college and work as professionals makes us equal, we are equal because we are human beings and God's children, not because of a piece of paper hanging on a wall. I don't believe that knowing more about contraceptives or being able to "choose" over our bodies makes us equal, we are equal because we are all made of flesh and bones. My point is that many woman now days have a "progressive" thinking,more work, more material stuff, less kids and if I do have kids other people will raise them for me. now more and more woman are postponing their pregnancies, some are even just saying they won't have children because it will interfere with their successful lives. Today this post is about what happened to big families, in the future the post will be about What happened to families? And that is scary
jokalima 09:06 PM 09-19-2012
Originally Posted by momofsix:
I love how we can be so different and have different opinions, yet still value each persons choices
I'm going waaaaaaaay off topic here, but I hope it's ok for me to throw this in here???
For those that would like a bigger family but are worried about the money or worried about the earth's resources being stretched too thin...please think about adopting! There are so many kids languishing in foster care that need a home and family. If you adopt "special needs" (which can be as simple as being part of a sibling group or being older than a year!) adoption costs are covered by the state. Often times there is even a subsidy offered to help pay their expenses until they turn 18. Our adopted kids' health insurance and medical needs are all taken care of until they turn 18.
OK...thanks for letting me get that out there. There is really a huge need right in our own country for families to adopt kids!
I can't have more kids on my own and think daily about adoption but always think about the money and how diff it will be for us.. Do you have more info about financial help for adopting? I love how we can be so different and have different opinions, yet still value each persons choices I'm going waaaaaaaay off topic here, but I hope it's ok for me to throw this in here???
For those that would like a bigger family but are worried about the money or worried about the earth's resources being stretched too thin...please think about adopting! There are so many kids languishing in foster care that need a home and family. If you adopt "special needs" (which can be as simple as being part of a sibling group or being older than a year!) adoption costs are covered by the state. Often times there is even a subsidy offered to help pay their expenses until they turn 18. Our adopted kids' health insurance and medical needs are all taken care of until they turn 18.
OK...thanks for letting me get that out there. There is really a huge need right in our own country for families to adopt kids!
rhymia1 03:30 AM 09-20-2012
Originally Posted by katieica:
IMO, this topic is just like the breastfeeding one. Each person makes his/her own choices as to the size of his/her family. For me, my husband and I are stopping after I have this second baby in December. Our families think we should continue because we won't have a boy, but it's our choice as a couple.
I guess maybe I'm in the minority, but I HATED being part of a big family (when I was growing up). I'm the second oldest of 5 kids. I love my siblings all dearly, and we're all still very close. But, the childhood I had is not the childhood I want for my two girls. It seemed that every time we all trooped into a restaurant, church, or anywhere in public, people just stared as if we were part of a circus. I even grew up Catholic, but the smaller families were common and would just stare. My mom wanted a large family and would have kept going with more even though her doctor said no more after the 4th child. My dad finally said no more after my baby sis was born (#5). I love my parents, and I don't judge them for their choices.
Yes, we wore hand-me-downs. I remember loving a Guess jacket that my cousins had passed down. I cringe at photos of me in the clothes I wore back in elementary school though. Yes, we always had kids to play with. Yes, it taught me strong work ethic. I started working in a retail store 2 days after I turned 16; I went on my 16th birthday to do the required drug test. Yes, I have student loans because my dairy farming father could definitely not afford to send 5 children to college. Yes, there is nothing better than the unconditional love of a child as my mother always tells me. Yes, I am the person I am today because of how I was raised.
But, I want to offer my children experiences I didn't get. Instead of leaving our 3 year old with grandparents, we have always taken her on vacations with us. We went to Chicago in June and took her with us. She may not remember it, but we had her experience museums, such as The Field Museum and The Chicago Art Museum. Next Saturday, Sept. 29th is Free Museum Day. We always go visit at least one museum on this day. We want to impart knowledge and culture on our children. If we had other kids or I didn't work, we wouldn't have the money to offer our children the experiences we think are important.
We did visit Disney World last December with my husband's family. My mom has said that she always wished she could have taken her kids there.
A comment I read today on another site has stuck with me: Own our choices happily.
You are not alone. Also one of five. HATED it. My parents were the ones who thought they could pop out kids with no thought to what happened after. You see, they loved babiesIMO, this topic is just like the breastfeeding one. Each person makes his/her own choices as to the size of his/her family. For me, my husband and I are stopping after I have this second baby in December. Our families think we should continue because we won't have a boy, but it's our choice as a couple.
I guess maybe I'm in the minority, but I HATED being part of a big family (when I was growing up). I'm the second oldest of 5 kids. I love my siblings all dearly, and we're all still very close. But, the childhood I had is not the childhood I want for my two girls. It seemed that every time we all trooped into a restaurant, church, or anywhere in public, people just stared as if we were part of a circus. I even grew up Catholic, but the smaller families were common and would just stare. My mom wanted a large family and would have kept going with more even though her doctor said no more after the 4th child. My dad finally said no more after my baby sis was born (#5). I love my parents, and I don't judge them for their choices.
Yes, we wore hand-me-downs. I remember loving a Guess jacket that my cousins had passed down. I cringe at photos of me in the clothes I wore back in elementary school though. Yes, we always had kids to play with. Yes, it taught me strong work ethic. I started working in a retail store 2 days after I turned 16; I went on my 16th birthday to do the required drug test. Yes, I have student loans because my dairy farming father could definitely not afford to send 5 children to college. Yes, there is nothing better than the unconditional love of a child as my mother always tells me. Yes, I am the person I am today because of how I was raised.
But, I want to offer my children experiences I didn't get. Instead of leaving our 3 year old with grandparents, we have always taken her on vacations with us. We went to Chicago in June and took her with us. She may not remember it, but we had her experience museums, such as The Field Museum and The Chicago Art Museum. Next Saturday, Sept. 29th is Free Museum Day. We always go visit at least one museum on this day. We want to impart knowledge and culture on our children. If we had other kids or I didn't work, we wouldn't have the money to offer our children the experiences we think are important.
We did visit Disney World last December with my husband's family. My mom has said that she always wished she could have taken her kids there.
A comment I read today on another site has stuck with me: Own our choices happily.
We had to share everything - including underwear. Braces? Ha! Most of my sibs have awful teeth, and younger sibling got her own braces before she got married (and yes, I do think parents should get their kids orthodontia if it's clear they need it - it becomes a health issue) College? Again HA! My parents not only didn't have the money, they had NO idea what going to college entailed. And couldn't be bothered to assist (I am okay with the idea of paying for your own college, but if you know anything about financial aid, you know things need to be set up to make it that way)Yes, we are mostly close now. It is nice to have siblings, but I only have two kids and we are DONE.I think if you want more kids and can afford it, great. If you want a smaller family, great. There are so many factors that go into this decision (and thank God it's a choice) and I'm not going to try to hazard a guess why.
Unregistered 04:36 AM 09-20-2012
I have four kids and I think it depends on many factors.
College was not something most people could afford or promoted like it is today, it was for the rich people and most kids went on to run the family business or a self taught trade.
Women have so many choices today and are not a step back but a step next to the husband these days. More =
Stuff- for me I want less stuff, but that is because I have collected a bunch of stuff over the years and am at the age where I want to simplify myself more.
The scare of not being able to hold enough children on this planet in the future is another factor.
All of the activities, cars- most people didn't have these high car payments and mortgage payments like they do now. Keeping up with what everyone else has, cell phones, name brand clothing, eating out.
Dr.'s bills, you get a sniffle you have it checked out. Dental- braces were not affordable to most and many suffered with crooked teeth and bad teeth.
The choices of food were much more simple and not as expensive yet expensive in the grand scheme of what the pay was. Food was grown or exchanged. Now if you want to buy something from the fresh markets it cost more then the junk foods- sad.
We have more and want to give more to our kids, and our pushed into doing this by society or get left behind as the odd one.
Women have choices over their bodies to have a child or not have a child. It is not left for the man to decide.
We have moved forward and it is change and change is hard to understand, but good and is growth as whole picture
I think it is a personal decision on how big you want your family and should be left to the creators of the family. No matter if I like the way they choose to live their life or not.
How we did things in the past is not how we do them anymore, but you should pick if you want a big family or small family and not let others influence your decisions, just don't complain about the choices that you have made- it was your choice.
College was not something most people could afford or promoted like it is today, it was for the rich people and most kids went on to run the family business or a self taught trade.
Women have so many choices today and are not a step back but a step next to the husband these days. More =
Stuff- for me I want less stuff, but that is because I have collected a bunch of stuff over the years and am at the age where I want to simplify myself more.
The scare of not being able to hold enough children on this planet in the future is another factor.
All of the activities, cars- most people didn't have these high car payments and mortgage payments like they do now. Keeping up with what everyone else has, cell phones, name brand clothing, eating out.
Dr.'s bills, you get a sniffle you have it checked out. Dental- braces were not affordable to most and many suffered with crooked teeth and bad teeth.
The choices of food were much more simple and not as expensive yet expensive in the grand scheme of what the pay was. Food was grown or exchanged. Now if you want to buy something from the fresh markets it cost more then the junk foods- sad.
We have more and want to give more to our kids, and our pushed into doing this by society or get left behind as the odd one.
Women have choices over their bodies to have a child or not have a child. It is not left for the man to decide.
We have moved forward and it is change and change is hard to understand, but good and is growth as whole picture
I think it is a personal decision on how big you want your family and should be left to the creators of the family. No matter if I like the way they choose to live their life or not.
How we did things in the past is not how we do them anymore, but you should pick if you want a big family or small family and not let others influence your decisions, just don't complain about the choices that you have made- it was your choice.
countrymom 06:26 AM 09-20-2012
my ydd (she's 8) went to a bparty last weekend. It was her bff and she's an only child. So 5 little girls slept over. Omg, I was laughing how they were saying that it was crazy and how noisy it was and all the games they were playing (ok my dd was a bit of leader) but here i'm telling them that it happens daily in my house, there where like, omg that was too much chaos for them.
my only issue is that, I know alot of people who complain about having one or two kids, I mean all they do is complain how expensive it is (and yes most make way more money than I do--we all know providers don't make millions) and also these are the ones who are so far indebt they can't see the other side. I wouldn't care how many kids people have, but when you have less then me, don't complain about how much children cost.
my only issue is that, I know alot of people who complain about having one or two kids, I mean all they do is complain how expensive it is (and yes most make way more money than I do--we all know providers don't make millions) and also these are the ones who are so far indebt they can't see the other side. I wouldn't care how many kids people have, but when you have less then me, don't complain about how much children cost.
momofsix 07:47 AM 09-20-2012
Originally Posted by jokalima:
I can't have more kids on my own and think daily about adoption but always think about the money and how diff it will be for us.. Do you have more info about financial help for adopting?
I'm glad you're considering it! I pm's you I can't have more kids on my own and think daily about adoption but always think about the money and how diff it will be for us.. Do you have more info about financial help for adopting?
MrsSteinel'sHouse 09:57 AM 09-20-2012
WOWSERS! I hadn't looked at this thread since I posted!
The question was why not weather I thought that the decline was a good thing.
I was not judging anyone's choice simply answering the question.
Maybe I should have flushed out the stuff over children but I had kidlets wake up.
As we want to have and have more, we want to give our kids more. Therefor, we envision that we cannot financially afford more kids. When life was "harder" kids were needed to help the farms run, to help take care of running the house, and to bring in an income. Yes, as someone pointed out statistically during hard times the birthrate has dropped, but it was still signifigantly higher than today! I do see it as people want their stuff, I didn't say there was anything wrong with that, mearly that stuff tends to mean less kidlets. I see this in the families I watch. Their reason for only wanting one- I can give her everything (funny too- all my boys have siblings, girls, they tend to want to be able to give her everything! LOL) I have been seeing this trend now for a while. I don't think it is the economy per se but the items people feel they need.
A little more stats on family size-
https://editorialexpress.com/cgi-bin...08&paper_id=57
Devalueing of families. I do feel this is a big problem. And I didn't say that if you only have 2 your not a family!!!! or one or whatever. But, when the state of CA no longer allows their texts to portray a family as a mom, dad and kids there are issues!! What seems to be one of the number one complaints on here... parents that don't want to pick up their kids when they are off work! When you have to do a national campaign on the importance of eating dinner as a family, there is something askew!
Birth control- I didn't say right or wrong just that it is a contributing factor to less children!
I did not judge other people's choices. I have 2 kidlets, FYI. I have lupus and feel VERY blessed to have them. My uterus ruptured with ds so that was it for me. I would have taken a dozen! That is why I do love my kidlets and their families. I do feel sorry for my moms who have to leave their kidlets!!! This wasn't an attack on how people live only that I thought those were contributing factors!!!
http://www.oecd.org/els/familiesandc...n/47710686.pdf
THis is interesting!
The question was why not weather I thought that the decline was a good thing.
I was not judging anyone's choice simply answering the question.
Maybe I should have flushed out the stuff over children but I had kidlets wake up.
As we want to have and have more, we want to give our kids more. Therefor, we envision that we cannot financially afford more kids. When life was "harder" kids were needed to help the farms run, to help take care of running the house, and to bring in an income. Yes, as someone pointed out statistically during hard times the birthrate has dropped, but it was still signifigantly higher than today! I do see it as people want their stuff, I didn't say there was anything wrong with that, mearly that stuff tends to mean less kidlets. I see this in the families I watch. Their reason for only wanting one- I can give her everything (funny too- all my boys have siblings, girls, they tend to want to be able to give her everything! LOL) I have been seeing this trend now for a while. I don't think it is the economy per se but the items people feel they need.
A little more stats on family size-
https://editorialexpress.com/cgi-bin...08&paper_id=57
Devalueing of families. I do feel this is a big problem. And I didn't say that if you only have 2 your not a family!!!! or one or whatever. But, when the state of CA no longer allows their texts to portray a family as a mom, dad and kids there are issues!! What seems to be one of the number one complaints on here... parents that don't want to pick up their kids when they are off work! When you have to do a national campaign on the importance of eating dinner as a family, there is something askew!
Birth control- I didn't say right or wrong just that it is a contributing factor to less children!
I did not judge other people's choices. I have 2 kidlets, FYI. I have lupus and feel VERY blessed to have them. My uterus ruptured with ds so that was it for me. I would have taken a dozen! That is why I do love my kidlets and their families. I do feel sorry for my moms who have to leave their kidlets!!! This wasn't an attack on how people live only that I thought those were contributing factors!!!
http://www.oecd.org/els/familiesandc...n/47710686.pdf
THis is interesting!