A few weeks ago I got a call for a 3yo. I agreed to an interview and said I had the spot. At the interview, I learned that he is not 3 yet, but will be in a few months so I decided to give it a try anyways. I was looking for older children because I homeschool my son and it's easier for me that way. So after the interview, I agreed to have him here. This is his first week, but I could see something off. He is 33 months old and it feels like I am starting a 1.5 yo instead. I have been letting her know how it has been going and how difficult it is for me to communicate with her child. He does not listen, he seems disconnected from the environment, he does not understand directions and cannot follow simple instructions.

I did not want to label him because it is just his first week and I really do not know him, but I can tell that he is really different from my other soon to be preschoolers. He does not understand simple questions like "Do you want more apple?" he will look at you like you are speaking French and answer with a very struggled "ok". That ok might mean either yes or no and it is for me to figure it out. When washing hand he does not understand what does "the other hand" means. If he gets one hand wet and I tell him to wash "your other hand" he gets confused. Cannot understand what is "hold with your 2 hands" and it was impossible for him to follow that one through. He walks around my house grabbing pictures and holding them in his hands and opening all drawers and fridge.

I felt really bad because again, he is just starting but there is something off.... So yesterday when DCM picked up I told her that I cannot get any kind of communication with him, that it is like he tunes me out or he does not understand. She opened up and told me that he had been evaluated a while ago and approved for services in 2 areas of development. They did not get the services for him because dcd could not accept that his child needed help.

Is it wrong for me to think that I should have known this before enrollment? Like I said before, I homeschool my son and I was looking for an older child so my 5yo could have company and made my days go smoother. I don't take many kids because of the same reason and I am selective with those I do accept because I want to make sure that it won't affect my son's day. I know one mistake I made was not meeting the child before enrollment, just mom. But I did not think this information would be left out. They seem to be a very loving and caring family and she seems very concerned with what I told her I see, but she says dcd is difficult and she has no support from his side when it comes to this subject.

Has anyone of you been under some similar situations? How would you handle it?

Thanks!

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I think it is up to you to decide how you want to handle it. You can terminate based on the fact that she A) told you he was 3 and isn't and B) developmentally he doesn't fit the age group you want. Or you can tell her that you are willing to try it for a while under the condition that she get him the services he needs. Or you can let it go and see what you working with him gets as far as results.

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It is up to you. But my policy listed in my handbook and contract is immediate termination for not giving me all needed info about a child. The fact the child has been evaluated and is getting services is needed information. I would term personally. But you can choose. If you keep the child now knowing, it will be harder to term later if the child has a diagnosed disability.

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I need to add this to my contract. Never thought about that.

The child is NOT getting the services because dcd decided against it. He was evaluated by professionals and approved for services in 2 areas. DCD could not accept his child needed services and they decided not to get them. They have no clue what they did to their child and I believe she feels guilty after talking to me. What I get from her ( not verbally) is that after getting the evaluation and being approved for services, dad could not deal with it and they kept the child at home with grandparents, all this time they tried to brush it off and ignore the issue and because grandparents were not complaining and found everything cute, they felt better about the situation. She then puts him under my care and in the first week I am telling her he is having this issues, all week long she did not say a word about the evaluation, then yesterday when I told her that it is not the behavior I expect from a child his age, she told me about the evaluation and their choice of not going with services.

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Do you have a trial period?

If you do term, I would be very careful about your wording.

Child is not a good fit.
I am sorry but I am no longer able to offer services.

I couldn't work with a family that was in that much denial.

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I would term based on not a good fit. Period.
I would not elaborate or expand.
They (parents) already know why.

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Is it possible he has a hearing problem? Either way, if you feel you can't work with him I would term. That's probably why she didn't bring him to the interview. Personally, I don't know why mom wouldn't just take the reins and get him the help he needs. I would do it no matter what dad says.

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Well, I mentioned it to her. I told her that I snapped my fingers next to his ears to see if he would react to, he did not... Well, 1st step was me sitting next to him and calling his name, no answer, no looking at me, nothing. 2nd step I snapped my fingers next to his ears, same thing, nothing. 3rd step I took a bell and shake it next to his ears and he did looked at me and reacted to that one.
I told her I did this because and told her I thought something was wrong with his hearing ( this was like day 3) she did not say anything. On day 5, our last conversation was when she told me about the evaluation. He has problems with receptive language, that was one of the areas.

I read about it last night and basically, he can be 3yo and have a receptive language of a 1yo and that is exactly how I feel it is.

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You need to term. Parents have already shown they will not do what is in the best interest of their child. If they won't do what needs to be done, there is no way you can do your job properly. I would term and I would also be calling CPS with the info I have. IMHO, having a diagnosis and not getting needed services is neglect. I won't be party to that.

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Early intervention services, and even special education services, are completely optional in most states. It doesn't fall under educational neglect unless the attendance is required. (Eg: the child is enrolled in first grade and parents aren't bothering to take them).

It makes our jobs harder but it doesn't break any laws. I would; however; take the opportunity to let the mom know that their choice is likely going to continue to impact their ability to secure and maintain quality care. Most childcare providers will need some help to help dcb communicate effectively, and if the parents can't give help their child, they need to bring early intervention in to provide it.

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Well that makes little sense to me, considering that some of these needs could actually be medical needs, depending on the circumstances. Regardless I don't understand why parents would refuse to do something that would help their child. I know it happens, but I don't understand it.

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I would not feel comfortable calling CPS on them. I do think it was a form of neglect but I don't think they meant any harm to their child by doing this. I'll see how next week goes, but I already care for a baby and really did not want a younger child. I always ask the age so I can turn them away if they are under 3. As of right now, I don't see it as a good fit but I am awful at terminating.

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It is really hard to understand. I didn't until I went through it with my own kids. (Not trying to hijack the post but maybe this will help) My daughter was diagnosed with Autism and I was "all in" with her therapy. Later on, my son started showing the signs of it and I didn't want to hear it. It took many months before I could accept that I needed to seek help for him too. Ultimately, I just needed time to grieve and come to a place of acceptance.

I have worked with a lot of families in early intervention and I see the same thing. Some are ready to commit and don't see the delay as a lifelong issue. Other parents completely fall apart and retreat into a hole. Sometimes the "fall apart" parents end up coming back for help and sometimes those kids end up in elementary school years later with considerable delays. The best thing you can do, as care provider, is be honest about your ability to help.

Often, things like loss of needed services (childcare) is enough to prompt a parent to reach out for early intervention again.

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Gosh, that does sound like a hearing issue.

Honestly, some parents amaze me! I would think there has to be something else going on and they aren't telling you the whole issue, sounds like mom is only giving you the info you are communicating to her.

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A child who has been recommended services and is not receiving said services does not belong in my program. The parents are 100% passing the buck off to you to deal with.

A parent making a decision to not get help for their child is their prerogative as long as THEY are the ones dealing with him all day. Expecting YOU to deal with a special needs child without resources is creating undue stress for both you and the child and is poor parenting IMO.

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Yeah! When she first told me I did not think much about it, maybe because we were in the middle of the conversation. But as soon as she left I kept thinking about why, why they would refuse it? I mean, she told me her husband could not deal with it but still, why?

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I cannot care for him. I will give him this week and see if he has any progress (doubt it) and be honest with her about everything. I hate being in this situations.

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Don't feel any guilt. YOU did not cause this situation SHE did. It could have all been avoided if she had been totally honest from the first phone call. She lied to you from the start about age, and then withheld important info from you. That alone would be enough for me to term. If she will lie about age, she will lie about lots of things.

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It is easy for the dad to be in denial when others are caring for his son. Maybe if he was caring for his son every day he would realize quickly that he needed help. He won't be able to stay in the dark for too long regarding his child. Hopefully he comes around sooner rather than later. I have experienced a few parents in denial and in the end I had to end care. These children deserve better but I was not in a position of power to get them the help they needed. Standing idly by watching children who need resources go without is just too damn painful for me.

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ITA.

Plus, if you say anything about his not getting services you could be accused of illegal discrimination.

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