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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Challenging 18 Month Old
adnilwis 06:01 AM 10-19-2017
I know most 18 month olds are challenging but this one has extremely odd behaviors that I'm not sure what to make of. She has been at my daycare since she was about 2 months old. She acts extremely shy around me and I know she talks at home but she refuses to for me most days and most of the time she won't make eye contact with me at all. The most odd thing I find interesting is when my kids' Grandpa comes to visit them and will come down in the daycare she will interact with him like she's known him for years. I try hard to interact with her and she just won't do it. We try dancing and she pulls her arms away and cries and anything I do with the other kids I do with her and she won't like it (but smiles when I do it with the others). She won't bring me books or toys to show me or play with but she does that with Grandpa. Do you think maybe she just doesn't like me? Any suggestions or opinions on what to Do? She doesn't seem very affectionate with her parents either and runs away from them every time they come to pick her up.
adnilwis 06:06 AM 11-30-2017
So follow up: her dad has said she is becoming a parrot at home. I told the child "why aren't you a parrot here? I want to hear your voice". Dad just laughed . They tell me things she does at home that he was learned from me but she won't do them here. I have worked in daycare a long time at a center and 3 years out of my home so I have experience with kids and how they behave and act but this is all just so odd to me. She was on vacation for a week before thanksgiving and mom said she would talk to weird unknown people on the train in Los Angeles so I don't chalk it up to shyness at all. She will talk to any parent that walks in and try to get their attention (even her own parents) and they've told she will talk to people she doesn't know all the time at the store etc.
sahm1225 11:54 AM 12-01-2017
That is strange. Could it be that daycare is too overwhelming or over stimulating?
Blackcat31 12:48 PM 12-01-2017
Originally Posted by adnilwis:
I know most 18 month olds are challenging but this one has extremely odd behaviors that I'm not sure what to make of. She has been at my daycare since she was about 2 months old. She acts extremely shy around me and I know she talks at home but she refuses to for me most days and most of the time she won't make eye contact with me at all. The most odd thing I find interesting is when my kids' Grandpa comes to visit them and will come down in the daycare she will interact with him like she's known him for years. I try hard to interact with her and she just won't do it. We try dancing and she pulls her arms away and cries and anything I do with the other kids I do with her and she won't like it (but smiles when I do it with the others). She won't bring me books or toys to show me or play with but she does that with Grandpa. Do you think maybe she just doesn't like me? Any suggestions or opinions on what to Do? She doesn't seem very affectionate with her parents either and runs away from them every time they come to pick her up.
Oh my goodness! I don't know how I missed this post but I have this same kid! Only the one I have is 2.5 yrs old. I know most 18 month olds are challenging but this one has extremely odd behaviors that I'm not sure what to make of. She has been at my daycare since she was about 2 months old. She acts extremely shy around me and I know she talks at home but she refuses to for me most days and most of the time she won't make eye contact with me at all. The most odd thing I find interesting is when my kids' Grandpa comes to visit them and will come down in the daycare she will interact with him like she's known him for years. I try hard to interact with her and she just won't do it. We try dancing and she pulls her arms away and cries and anything I do with the other kids I do with her and she won't like it (but smiles when I do it with the others). She won't bring me books or toys to show me or play with but she does that with Grandpa. Do you think maybe she just doesn't like me? Any suggestions or opinions on what to Do? She doesn't seem very affectionate with her parents either and runs away from them every time they come to pick her up.
Child is super mellow here and spends most of the day completely silent. Child will do what is asked of them. ie pick up toys, go sit over there, come here etc but says nothing. Not a single word. If asked a yes/no question I get a whispered yes or no or a head shake in reply but no actual audible words.
When we have group activities, the child happily participates but without sounds/words or expression.
Isn't necessarily shy, scared or over stimulated...at least not in any way that I've noticed.
But at pick up when mom or dad walks in, child makes a complete about face! Chats like crazy, sings, answers mom/dad, smiles, kisses them, says "missed you!" etc... 100% totally different kid. NOT the child I have in care.
Strange thing is the child isn't new here.
Been here since age 13 months.
So I don't really have any advice but am in the same boat.
I've learned that people are weird but kids are weirder sometimes. *sigh*
lblanke 02:54 AM 12-02-2017
Selective mutism?
lblanke 03:04 AM 12-02-2017
adnilwis 08:19 AM 12-15-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Oh my goodness! I don't know how I missed this post but I have this same kid! Only the one I have is 2.5 yrs old.
Child is super mellow here and spends most of the day completely silent. Child will do what is asked of them. ie pick up toys, go sit over there, come here etc but says nothing. Not a single word. If asked a yes/no question I get a whispered yes or no or a head shake in reply but no actual audible words.
When we have group activities, the child happily participates but without sounds/words or expression.
Isn't necessarily shy, scared or over stimulated...at least not in any way that I've noticed.
But at pick up when mom or dad walks in, child makes a complete about face! Chats like crazy, sings, answers mom/dad, smiles, kisses them, says "missed you!" etc... 100% totally different kid. NOT the child I have in care.
Strange thing is the child isn't new here.
Been here since age 13 months.
So I don't really have any advice but am in the same boat.
I've learned that people are weird but kids are weirder sometimes. *sigh*
She won't participate non verbally either at circle time. Or at least very rarely does. But she is the same as the child you have. Mom will come and she will say every child's name etc and words I didn't even know she knew how to say. She is not hard of hearing because she hears the door open for someone coming in my house and runs right there and says hi before she even knows who it is. I have tried changing the way I ask her things and still nothing. Mom said she usually talks around other kids so she doesn't know why she won't here. I only have 5 to 6 kids at most when she's here. But even on a day it's just her ( just this week Tuesday it was just her along with my own kids) she still didn't talk. She will do some sign language but that's even a struggle most of the time. I've thought of selective mutism but she seems too young for a diagnosis of that yet. She is also one that just started when I ask her to do something too. Even though she sees the other kids doing what I asked her to do. She's such a puzzle to me!Oh my goodness! I don't know how I missed this post but I have this same kid! Only the one I have is 2.5 yrs old.
Child is super mellow here and spends most of the day completely silent. Child will do what is asked of them. ie pick up toys, go sit over there, come here etc but says nothing. Not a single word. If asked a yes/no question I get a whispered yes or no or a head shake in reply but no actual audible words.
When we have group activities, the child happily participates but without sounds/words or expression.
Isn't necessarily shy, scared or over stimulated...at least not in any way that I've noticed.
But at pick up when mom or dad walks in, child makes a complete about face! Chats like crazy, sings, answers mom/dad, smiles, kisses them, says "missed you!" etc... 100% totally different kid. NOT the child I have in care.
Strange thing is the child isn't new here.
Been here since age 13 months.
So I don't really have any advice but am in the same boat.
I've learned that people are weird but kids are weirder sometimes. *sigh*
adnilwis 08:47 AM 12-15-2017
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
That is strange. Could it be that daycare is too overwhelming or over stimulating?
I only watch 5 kids (2 of them being my own) and she will play with the other kids and wants to be right by the toy they are playing with and even tries to take it from them. She never cries when they bring her like she doesn't like it. I also will hear her say something and when I acknowledge it she looks down and won't seem happy about it. She will sit and play with toys for hours and will even talk to the other kids but the second I look at her or talk to her she stops talking.That is strange. Could it be that daycare is too overwhelming or over stimulating?
Blackcat31 08:57 AM 12-15-2017
Originally Posted by adnilwis:
She won't participate non verbally either at circle time. Or at least very rarely does. But she is the same as the child you have. Mom will come and she will say every child's name etc and words I didn't even know she knew how to say. She is not hard of hearing because she hears the door open for someone coming in my house and runs right there and says hi before she even knows who it is. I have tried changing the way I ask her things and still nothing. Mom said she usually talks around other kids so she doesn't know why she won't here. I only have 5 to 6 kids at most when she's here. But even on a day it's just her ( just this week Tuesday it was just her along with my own kids) she still didn't talk. She will do some sign language but that's even a struggle most of the time. I've thought of selective mutism but she seems too young for a diagnosis of that yet. She is also one that just started when I ask her to do something too. Even though she sees the other kids doing what I asked her to do. She's such a puzzle to me!
Over the last week or so, I've come to suspect my DCK is on the spectrum. I have a DCM that is a special education teacher for Pre-K and said many of the signs and behaviors I've mentioned sound similar to what many of her students do/did when really young and that I shouldn't rule it out. She won't participate non verbally either at circle time. Or at least very rarely does. But she is the same as the child you have. Mom will come and she will say every child's name etc and words I didn't even know she knew how to say. She is not hard of hearing because she hears the door open for someone coming in my house and runs right there and says hi before she even knows who it is. I have tried changing the way I ask her things and still nothing. Mom said she usually talks around other kids so she doesn't know why she won't here. I only have 5 to 6 kids at most when she's here. But even on a day it's just her ( just this week Tuesday it was just her along with my own kids) she still didn't talk. She will do some sign language but that's even a struggle most of the time. I've thought of selective mutism but she seems too young for a diagnosis of that yet. She is also one that just started when I ask her to do something too. Even though she sees the other kids doing what I asked her to do. She's such a puzzle to me!
The more I observe this DCK, the more I am thinking DCM is correct.
Could that be a possibility for you daycare girl too?
adnilwis 09:46 AM 12-15-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Over the last week or so, I've come to suspect my DCK is on the spectrum. I have a DCM that is a special education teacher for Pre-K and said many of the signs and behaviors I've mentioned sound similar to what many of her students do/did when really young and that I shouldn't rule it out.
The more I observe this DCK, the more I am thinking DCM is correct.
Could that be a possibility for you daycare girl too?
I've thought that for awhile but I didn't just want to assume. I've had another child very similar to her that I suspected was too. But the fact she goes up to other kids and gives them toys etc. Makes me think it's not autism.Over the last week or so, I've come to suspect my DCK is on the spectrum. I have a DCM that is a special education teacher for Pre-K and said many of the signs and behaviors I've mentioned sound similar to what many of her students do/did when really young and that I shouldn't rule it out.
The more I observe this DCK, the more I am thinking DCM is correct.
Could that be a possibility for you daycare girl too?
Ariana 04:02 AM 12-16-2017
Sounds like selective mutism to me. My friends kid was like this. Refused to talk at school and wouldn’t answer questions. Would talk to other kids and at home he was a chatter box. It is related to anxiety and my friends husband has an anxiety disorder. My friend is a teacher and she had a tough time understanding what was going on. Due to the fact that I know her I also know she is a perfectionist and expects a lot from her kids.
Could it be that?
Could it be that?
adnilwis 05:47 AM 12-16-2017
It's very possible, however yesterday we went to the neighbor lady's house who has a daycare (and my daughter goes there once a week) to see Santa. She said uh oh to me as I tried getting her out of the wagon but she was still buckled in. It was just that one word but still. She will say a few things here and there to me at my house during daycare but very rarely when I ask her to. She rarely gives me eye contact when I ask her something but other times she just stares at me. How do I go about bringing this up to her mom and dad about selective mutism? They are already aware that she doesn't talk much to me at all because I've brought it up and have asked if therr are other places she won't talk.
Ariana 07:08 AM 12-16-2017
Originally Posted by adnilwis:
It's very possible, however yesterday we went to the neighbor lady's house who has a daycare (and my daughter goes there once a week) to see Santa. She said uh oh to me as I tried getting her out of the wagon but she was still buckled in. It was just that one word but still. She will say a few things here and there to me at my house during daycare but very rarely when I ask her to. She rarely gives me eye contact when I ask her something but other times she just stares at me. How do I go about bringing this up to her mom and dad about selective mutism? They are already aware that she doesn't talk much to me at all because I've brought it up and have asked if therr are other places she won't talk.
It sounds like anxiety to me so it might be selective mutism. I would research it a lot first before bringing it up just to be sure. Does she only do this with you according to the parents? It might be because the parents are usually there when she is around others as well right? It's very possible, however yesterday we went to the neighbor lady's house who has a daycare (and my daughter goes there once a week) to see Santa. She said uh oh to me as I tried getting her out of the wagon but she was still buckled in. It was just that one word but still. She will say a few things here and there to me at my house during daycare but very rarely when I ask her to. She rarely gives me eye contact when I ask her something but other times she just stares at me. How do I go about bringing this up to her mom and dad about selective mutism? They are already aware that she doesn't talk much to me at all because I've brought it up and have asked if therr are other places she won't talk.
The weird part for me is that she has been with you for a long time. If you do bring it up say something like “out of concern I looked hp some things online and this is what I found...what do you think....”. It is at least a conversation starter.
adnilwis 09:47 AM 12-18-2017
So today she is my only one. The other 2 are sick and my own kids are at my parents for the day. She got here at 7:30 AM and I haven't heard a peep out of her. Not even a babble. I took her out with me to the store and even there not a sound. No smiles or emotion all day so far. I'm starting to think it is selective mutism. I looked it up and she has a lot of the other symptoms too. No smiling, lack of eye contact and scared of loud noises (vacuum and garage door freak her out. )
I may bring it up today about her not talking the entire day and then see if maybe there are other places she doesn't talk etc. Thanks everyone! Glad to hear it's not just me that thinks it's not normal.
I may bring it up today about her not talking the entire day and then see if maybe there are other places she doesn't talk etc. Thanks everyone! Glad to hear it's not just me that thinks it's not normal.