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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>REFUSES To Tell When She Needs To Pee!!!
ChaserT27 01:41 PM 06-16-2011
I have a 3 yr old - have posted about her before. She has been here just over 10 months. She is potty trained and will tell others (mom, her friends here) but REFUSES to tell me when she needs to pee. Instead she will pee where ever she stands then starts crying when I notice.
I have TRIED everything with this kid!!! I bring her every hr and a half automatically to avoid accidents but they still happen. I tell her over and over again..you need to tell ME when you need to use the potty..not your friends. And nada!!!
I get so frustrated because like I said I know she IS trained and DOES know when she has to go...most times she will pace before she has the accident. They do this sometimes as a group ( no idea why LOL) so I do not always pay attention to it. I also sometimes have to have my back to her. I just do not know what to do to get it through her head...TELL ME!!!!! :0(

Mom always gives me the same story - I do not understand why she does it only with you...(nothing like making me feel like sh$%) :0( and she has on an occasion or two made up excuses for her.

I am just out of ideas here...anyone have something like this and found a solution???
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mrsp'slilpeeps 02:02 PM 06-16-2011
I would tell mom to bring pull ups until she can knock it off. She wants to pee her pants, pee in a pull up! It's gross and you shouldn't have to clean her up all the time.
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cheerfuldom 02:10 PM 06-16-2011
yup pull ups. I have a feeling that mom is lying though.
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ChaserT27 03:11 PM 06-16-2011
Cheerful - honestly...me too!!!!!
And we have done the pull ups - and I stopped using them because the Mother kept forgetting to put them in the bag. She swears she doesn't use them at all at home so she forgets to buy them. I also wanted to try for awhile to see if she would do better after time..guess not!!
One of the times DCG had an accident right before Mom got here - another client came through the door only seconds before dcg's mom...Within those seconds the child had peed on the floor. After the mom left she text me and said DCG said she did not ask because I was talking....I explained to dcg's mom that the other parent had literally just shut the door before she pulled up..I did not get a text back...
I just do not understand why this kid refuses to tell me...could it be because she is "forced" to ask and doesn't like that? I have the play area (which is very large - two rooms together) gated by an attached super gate so the kids do not roam freely. I have never had a child with an issue of asking me for anything like this. This same child will not ask me for ketchup with her lunch but complains to her mother that I do not give it to her...it boggles me!

I just hate hearing "I don't know why she only does this with you" every time I hear that my skin crawls!! Like it is my fault it is happening!! With the exception of her..I have had 5 other children here in my care since they were 3 months old...they are all 2.5 to 4 yrs old now so maybe I am just not used to the adjusting period...can it last more than 10 months for a kid to adjust and be comfortable?? Maybe anxiety about asking me for stuff...I know I am probably grasping at straws here but I just do not get it
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cheerfuldom 05:00 PM 06-16-2011
buy them yourself and charge her for them if she doesn't remember them on her own. of course give her the option of providing whatever brand she wants but when they don't show up, charge her by the pullup from your stash. do not let this kid pee all over your house. thats disgusting. This is not your fault. Don't even let that guilt creep in. 10 months is WAY more than enough for her to adjust and know the rules. Mom is blaming you because that is the easiest thing for her and puts the problem back in your court. Get control of this situation now.
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spud912 05:44 PM 06-16-2011
I had a dcb who did that and when I told the parents that I will require him to be in pull-ups or training pants until he is accident-free for 2 weeks, they termed me because they "tried so hard to potty train him" and he should be able to wear briefs.
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WImom 06:07 PM 06-16-2011
I too have a dcg that doesn't tell me (but tells everyone else) when she has to go but luckily she doesn't have accidents either, she just holds it.
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MyAngels 07:59 PM 06-16-2011
If she had the opportunity to leave the room on her own and go without telling you, would she do that?

I agree with the PP who said buy the pullups yourself and charge the parent if they forget to bring their own.

I don't have any advice on why she won't just tell you she has to go, I'm dealing with one right now who is doing the same thing, though she will go if I tell her to.
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ChaserT27 11:15 AM 06-17-2011
Myangels - so weird...I just do not understand LOL

I am requiring pull ups once again...Mom is not thrilled however I told her it is not sanitary and I can not have her peeing on a hard wood floor where the children ALL play.
She is going to wear the pulls ups from the time she walks in to 5 minutes before she leaves.

Thanks everyone for your input :0)
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jojosmommy 12:02 PM 06-17-2011
Originally Posted by Herbrandm:
Cheerful - honestly...me too!!!!!
And we have done the pull ups - and I stopped using them because the Mother kept forgetting to put them in the bag. She swears she doesn't use them at all at home so she forgets to buy them.

Clearly set up an accident poilcy and enforce it. If you want her accident free for 2 weeks and she must be able to tell YOU she has to go (not the other way around) then make mom bring pull ups until she has reached the 2 week mark. Mom doesn't have to clean it up or deal with it so she likely doesn't care. If she can't remember to bring them then tell her you will buy them and she can reimburse you. Not negotiable in my house.

Would you allow a parent of an infant to drop off without diapers expecting you to provide them?
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TBird 01:14 PM 06-17-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
yup pull ups. I have a feeling that mom is lying though.
Definitely lying. Same thing here with one of my boys...awesome parents but they're just not consistent with it when they're on the go. I'm more of the "cold turkey" type. If the kid shows me any signs of knowing what he's doing...WHOA NELLY...I'm throwing everything out and you're a big boy now!!!
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Country Kids 01:35 PM 06-17-2011
The provieder clearly states that the little girl will tell her mom and the kids in childcare that she has to go to the bathroom, just not the provider. Does she just wet in her pants or poop also? Please don't take this wrong but is she scared of you for some reason? My three year olds go into the bathroom by themselves (its in my daycare room) so I hear and check constantly, but all they say is "I have to go to the bathroom" and I say ok, go ahead. So maybe instead of you taking her just every 1/2 or so tell her to go in and use the bathroom but still check on her. Maybe she doesn't think she can go in unless you physically take her. I think if you put her in pull-ups she will use them as a crutch-that is what I have found with all my childcare children and the minute we (the parents and I) put them in big kid underwear they are going by themselves and are so, so proud of that.
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Unregistered (logged out) 11:06 AM 06-18-2011
I am registered but logged out. I am closing my daycare in January due to a surprise pregnancy this will be our fourth child I was gonna close daycare anyways in May and go back to school in September but school plans are off for now daycare Mom already knows im closing in January she is moving to Flordia in May anyways this is why I havent taken on another daycare child and was gonna go ahead and work till May. Anyways DCB will be 2 at the end of November and he is a bright little boy and can already talk well she has stated how she can not wait to start potty training him when he turns 2 she thinks he will be ready he probably will but here is the problem. I will be 8 months pregnant at the begining of December and he already weighs 30 pounds and all honesty Im not gonna feel like picking up a heavy toddler and putting him on the toilet every hour but I dont wanna tell her this as it makes me sound lazy I know it is a ways away but she talks about how she hopes he is trained before he leaves here in January. I kinda wanna tell her now that its gonna be to hard to pick him up at 8 months pregnant and put him on the toilet every hour but like I said I dont want her to think I am gonna be lazy and should I wait to say something and how do I go about telling her?
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SilverSabre25 02:22 PM 06-18-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered (logged out):
I am registered but logged out. I am closing my daycare in January due to a surprise pregnancy this will be our fourth child I was gonna close daycare anyways in May and go back to school in September but school plans are off for now daycare Mom already knows im closing in January she is moving to Flordia in May anyways this is why I havent taken on another daycare child and was gonna go ahead and work till May. Anyways DCB will be 2 at the end of November and he is a bright little boy and can already talk well she has stated how she can not wait to start potty training him when he turns 2 she thinks he will be ready he probably will but here is the problem. I will be 8 months pregnant at the begining of December and he already weighs 30 pounds and all honesty Im not gonna feel like picking up a heavy toddler and putting him on the toilet every hour but I dont wanna tell her this as it makes me sound lazy I know it is a ways away but she talks about how she hopes he is trained before he leaves here in January. I kinda wanna tell her now that its gonna be to hard to pick him up at 8 months pregnant and put him on the toilet every hour but like I said I dont want her to think I am gonna be lazy and should I wait to say something and how do I go about telling her?
...well, my honest opinion is that if dcb isn't able to get himself up onto the toilet with the help of a step stool then he has no business potty training. I have never and will never pick up a child to put them on the toilet. That's part of potty training IMO (along with being capable of handling their own undressing and dressing) and isn't something you should have to do.

Or, use a potty chair for the duration.
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sharlan 02:51 PM 06-18-2011
Originally Posted by Herbrandm:
I have a 3 yr old - have posted about her before. She has been here just over 10 months. She is potty trained and will tell others (mom, her friends here) but REFUSES to tell me when she needs to pee. Instead she will pee where ever she stands then starts crying when I notice.
I have TRIED everything with this kid!!! I bring her every hr and a half automatically to avoid accidents but they still happen. I tell her over and over again..you need to tell ME when you need to use the potty..not your friends. And nada!!!
I get so frustrated because like I said I know she IS trained and DOES know when she has to go...most times she will pace before she has the accident. They do this sometimes as a group ( no idea why LOL) so I do not always pay attention to it. I also sometimes have to have my back to her. I just do not know what to do to get it through her head...TELL ME!!!!! :0(

Mom always gives me the same story - I do not understand why she does it only with you...(nothing like making me feel like sh$%) :0( and she has on an occasion or two made up excuses for her.

I am just out of ideas here...anyone have something like this and found a solution???
Have you considered putting a potty chair in the corner for her to use? That way she doesn't have to ask you, just go to the corner and sit down.
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caligirl 11:50 AM 08-01-2011
wow, I have the same problem here. She was 3 in June and has been totally potty trained since 2 1/2 but still refuses to tell me when she has to go. I remind her constantly......if I am watching her closely then I know when she has to go because her face turns stone cold serious and she watches me like a hawk......I ask her 'is there something you want to tell me?' she'll say no.......usually she doesn't have accidents, she'll hold it until I ask her if she has to go.......today however she had an accident. Of course she didn't tell me, but I could tell something was up by the way she was watching me, never taking her eyes off me........ it's just SO frustrating. She is such a smart little girl too. She has the vocabulary and mind of a 5 year old, so it just makes it all the more frustrating.
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christinaskids 11:04 AM 08-02-2011
I would rearrange or whatever to make the bathroom accessible to her. I have a swing gate all the older kids can use to get to the bathroom and they never ask me to go. They just all know the rules of one person in there at a time and certain areas are off limits. It has a latch that closes automatically when it shuts and a little lever that pulls up so the younger ones that need to be blocked usually can't figure it out until they need to use it.
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Mom_of_two 11:42 AM 08-02-2011
Here a child must be accident free for two weeks before in undies, so I would immediately go to pull ups until she can be accident free.

The rest would be irrelevant. She is capable of telling you, so she needs to tell you, imo. that sounds like more of a power struggle. I would take that away. Pullups til she decides she can tell you.

I do not take kids every half hour etc. I don't have them in undies til they can tell me they need to go, and hold it til I can assist etc. (We have gates, too, which I would not remove.)
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momma2girls 12:02 PM 08-02-2011
Originally Posted by caligirl:
wow, I have the same problem here. She was 3 in June and has been totally potty trained since 2 1/2 but still refuses to tell me when she has to go. I remind her constantly......if I am watching her closely then I know when she has to go because her face turns stone cold serious and she watches me like a hawk......I ask her 'is there something you want to tell me?' she'll say no.......usually she doesn't have accidents, she'll hold it until I ask her if she has to go.......today however she had an accident. Of course she didn't tell me, but I could tell something was up by the way she was watching me, never taking her eyes off me........ it's just SO frustrating. She is such a smart little girl too. She has the vocabulary and mind of a 5 year old, so it just makes it all the more frustrating.
I have it in my contract- they need to be accident free and be totally potty trained(this means goes on their own, without reminders and assistance from myself) for quite awhile, before diapers/pullups come off
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Francine 12:10 PM 08-02-2011
I had a DCM tell me this morning that they were going to start potty training their 16 month old I almost laughed but I just wished her "good luck" with that.
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momma2girls 12:16 PM 08-02-2011
Originally Posted by Francine:
I had a DCM tell me this morning that they were going to start potty training their 16 month old I almost laughed but I just wished her "good luck" with that.
this is what I would say as well.
I also have written in my contract- I will assist with potty training, this must be started at home and making good progress and understand what is going on and tell me when they have to go, before I start assisting with it here.
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DaycareLady19 12:20 PM 08-02-2011
The mother is deffiantly not telling you the complete truth. I doubt that the child is just doing it for you. So dont feel bad at all or get fustruted. I would simply explain to the parent that the child will need to wear pull ups until the child can go on the potty for you on a regular basis. I would just explain that it is not sanitary for the child to be going to the bathroom all over the floor. It isnt accpectable, she wouldnt want another child going to the bathroom all over the floor if the siutuion was reversed.
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SandeeAR 12:21 PM 08-02-2011
Originally Posted by Mom_of_two:
Here a child must be accident free for two weeks before in undies, so I would immediately go to pull ups until she can be accident free.

The rest would be irrelevant. She is capable of telling you, so she needs to tell you, imo. that sounds like more of a power struggle. I would take that away. Pullups til she decides she can tell you.

I do not take kids every half hour etc. I don't have them in undies til they can tell me they need to go, and hold it til I can assist etc.
Same here. I had a family move thier almost 3 y/o, b/c of that policy. I was told they wanted her around kids her age. My next in age was 18 months old at the time. Mom took her to the potty every 30min or so, and I wouldn't. Plus she was capable of telling me she needed to pee and knew when she needed too. She would go in a corner and pee/poop in her pants.
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nannyde 12:32 PM 08-02-2011
Originally Posted by momma2girls:
this is what I would say as well.
I also have written in my contract- I will assist with potty training, this must be started at home and making good progress and understand what is going on and tell me when they have to go, before I start assisting with it here.
Yes and when they tell you they have to go before they have to go it HAS to be in actual words NOT sign language or body language.
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KBCsMommy 12:50 PM 08-02-2011
Originally Posted by Francine:
I had a DCM tell me this morning that they were going to start potty training their 16 month old I almost laughed but I just wished her "good luck" with that.
These are the moms that say " I tried to potty train my kid this weekend but it didnt work"....." he\she never told me when they wet\pooped in their pull ups!" Seriously!!
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kidkair 03:22 PM 08-02-2011
I disagree with most of the standard potty training protocol. I allow a child to sign 'potty' to tell me they need to go. I allow a child to potty train before being able to get themselves up on the toilet, strip off clothes, redress, and wash hands by themselves. I also allow the child to have accidents on my floor without going right back to pull ups or diapers. I have a child who (in my opinion) potty trained at 22 months. She's too short to reach the sink handles by herself and still has difficulties getting redressed but each step to the process she has learned one by one. First step was peeing when placed on the potty, next step was adding in the sign and words prior to taking her potty, next step was lengthening the time between potty breaks, by this point she was getting horrible diaper rash when she'd use her diaper or pull up and we tried so many brands with the same result. Her parents and I chose to just ditch the diapers/pull ups and had her asking for and making it to the potty every 1.5 hours with very few accidents within a week. Yes I cleaned a lot of carpet but it wasn't that hard to move all the kids into a different room for a little bit while I cleaned it all up. I am so happy I did this because she's been accident free for months now and I've had one less diaper to change for that much time too. My biggest thing was making sure the parents we on board with training her. This was the second kid I trained in much the same way and I in no way see myself ever waiting until the kid can full undress, redress, and wash hands and be totally independent in the bathroom before potty training. That's a year or more of diaper changes I could have done without. Most kids here get potty trained between 18 months and 2.5 years not 3 to 4 years.

With the current situation I would give her the sign for potty and let her know she can use that to let me know she needs to go because at least it's communication. I'd also give her a special toy and play a special song for her after she successfully used the potty whether I put her on or she asked to go. I'd do the same for any potty trainers about her age. I also don't discuss accidents. I march them to the bathroom, change them, sit them on the potty for a few minutes, and follow potty time routine, then return them to the playroom with a 'next time tell me or hold it until I take you'. Then I finish cleaning up and we return to our activities. I take all those under school age to the bathroom every 2 hours generally following a meal. I also change diapers at that time to get them in the routine and used to the bathroom prior to them potty training.
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Unregistered 06:55 PM 04-23-2018
I came to this forum to get answers for my also 3 yr old. And reading some of these comments piss me off. Saying the mom isn't telling the truth or she's lying. Is bull****. My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.
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lovemykidstoo 05:02 AM 04-24-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I came to this forum to get answers for my also 3 yr old. And reading some of these comments piss me off. Saying the mom isn't telling the truth or she's lying. Is bull****. My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.
I think alot of time the kids have issues at daycare/school because they get distracted playing, with other kids etc. Also, let's be honest, they're with daycare/school awake more than at home alot of times. So when a parent says they're potty trained at home, that could very possibly be 1 hour a night because by the time they're picked up here at 5:30, get home (6:00), eat dinner, bath etc. It's time for bed. So how many times are they on the toilet? Going back to my original thought though I think distraction is big.
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boy_mom 05:20 AM 04-24-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.
I think it could be distraction. I've had children who were perfectly trained (home and at daycare) who had an accident every now and then. Some more consistently and then for sanitary reasons requested pull ups. Kids are kids and accidents happen, it's not the end of the world, even though it's frustrating!

If its consistent maybe have your daughter "retrain".... read some more books, there's a Daniel Tiger episode we watched my one of my boys, anything to revisit the issue about going right away when she feelsthe need.

To be honest, my 6 yr old (he potty trained at 3 yrs old) had 3 accidents when he started kindergarten. I talked a ton about not waiting, asking the teacher, etc. ... turns out he didn't like the loud toilet flushing so he tried to hold it the entire school day!!

I bet if you get her talking about it, you can get to the root of the problem and find a good solution!
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mommyneedsadayoff 05:25 AM 04-24-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I came to this forum to get answers for my also 3 yr old. And reading some of these comments piss me off. Saying the mom isn't telling the truth or she's lying. Is bull****. My daughter also 3 has been having accidents at day care/school. Idk what it is... she in fact is potty trained. Never wets the bed at home or pees her pants. But at school its becoming a everyday thing. Saying a parent is lying is pretty rude... still looking for answers.
A new environment and distraction can definitely be a reason, but if the child is consistently having accidents at daycare, then in my opinion, the child is not totally potty trained. My best potty training experiences were with children who didn't bother with potty training till 3.5 or so. I learned quickly that less is more and being ready is WAY more important than age. Kids who are truly ready don't "train"...they just start using the toilet and accidents are very rare, no matter the place. Not saying they won't have any, but it wouldn't be a regular occurrence. As far as solutions, I would speak with your child about why they are not making it to the bathroom. Are they scared to ask? Are they too busy playing? People don't like "going back" to pull ups, but I have seen a lot of parents skip ahead in potty training and it leads to anxiety for the child. If letting them wear pull ups takes the anxiety away, it will give them control and rebuild their confidence. It's not a negative to me, and for the provider, it keeps things clean and reduces their anxiety around the issue as well, since no one likes cleaning urine off their floor!

Anyway, I got long winded and my main point as to why providers may feel that a parent is fibbing about a kid being totally potty trained, is because the definition of potty trained seems to be pretty subjevtive depending on who you ask!
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