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lvt77 12:56 PM 01-13-2011
What to do?
I have a dcg age 3 . Has been in DC for about a yr. Usually a very sweet child.
However, lately I don’t know who this kid is??
The past few weeks she has become very defiant and aggressive.
Will say NO I am not going to listen to you and etc
Has used her hands or objects to hurt others just about every day the last several weeks.
Refuses to apologize or to serve any TO...we call it reflection time,
Today, DCG screamed at the top of her lungs and threw her body from one end of the room to the next for 45 minutes because she refused to say sorry and refused TO, Parents have been talked to and they are very supportive of my rules and policies, but yet seem very annoyed that I am always having to tell them what is going on lately.
I was also trying to see if there were some changes made at home that could be causing this, however, parents gave me nothing…… What would you do here?
Each day it seems like something else. In my DC any time a child has to sit in reflection, I inform the parents, but now it just seems like I am complaining?
So I just got off phone to talk with mom about what is going on today and her words were" this is your problem not mine"???
Now what? I'm lost.......lol
I have a dcg age 3 . Has been in DC for about a yr. Usually a very sweet child.
However, lately I don’t know who this kid is??
The past few weeks she has become very defiant and aggressive.
Will say NO I am not going to listen to you and etc
Has used her hands or objects to hurt others just about every day the last several weeks.
Refuses to apologize or to serve any TO...we call it reflection time,
Today, DCG screamed at the top of her lungs and threw her body from one end of the room to the next for 45 minutes because she refused to say sorry and refused TO, Parents have been talked to and they are very supportive of my rules and policies, but yet seem very annoyed that I am always having to tell them what is going on lately.
I was also trying to see if there were some changes made at home that could be causing this, however, parents gave me nothing…… What would you do here?
Each day it seems like something else. In my DC any time a child has to sit in reflection, I inform the parents, but now it just seems like I am complaining?
So I just got off phone to talk with mom about what is going on today and her words were" this is your problem not mine"???
Now what? I'm lost.......lol
AfterSchoolMom 01:47 PM 01-13-2011
She actually said the words "this is your problem not mine"?!?! 
Seriously, I'd term just for that. That parent is completely disrespectful.
Seriously, I'd term just for that. That parent is completely disrespectful.
lvt77 01:56 PM 01-13-2011
yup....she said her and DCD were tired of hearing about her behavior here. That I should know how to deal with it, it's my job..... I love this little girl and family, but not too sure how to go about getting resoultion and am concerned about her recent actions. Its like sweet gone sour....anyone else have a child flip like this from soooooo sweet and polite to a little De**l??
Zoe 01:59 PM 01-13-2011
Wow...some flags are being raised for me. It's too bad dcm isn't helpful in her information to you because it seems like there's something going on there. If she's not willing to help you out and dcg is really that much of a pest, I'd term. Not worth the stress. Tell dcm it's now HER problem
jk.
jk.
missnikki 02:01 PM 01-13-2011
It's her problem and she wants YOUR solution. Ok, let's see if we can give it to her. Here's my thought:
1) Document, document,document. Each time. This may came into play later.
2) Schedule a conference with her. She was prob. too busy to talk and blew you off. You need to tell her yur concerns and go over your plan of action.
3) In discussing with her, go over the behaviors she's demonstrated, the expected behaviors, and ask if there is anything at home that may be throwing her off a little bit. Ask in 2 or 3 different ways. Pause after you ask with a curious look on your face. Let her eat the silence. She'll try to figure it out.
4) Once you have an idea of what may have changed, if anything, set forth a behavior contract. Tell mom that you are on a team together and your goal is helping this little girl to settle in at daycare. Come up with ideas together.
The reason I am suggesting that you involve the mom is because you don't want her to assume you are tattling, but that you have this girl's best interests at heart.
1) Document, document,document. Each time. This may came into play later.
2) Schedule a conference with her. She was prob. too busy to talk and blew you off. You need to tell her yur concerns and go over your plan of action.
3) In discussing with her, go over the behaviors she's demonstrated, the expected behaviors, and ask if there is anything at home that may be throwing her off a little bit. Ask in 2 or 3 different ways. Pause after you ask with a curious look on your face. Let her eat the silence. She'll try to figure it out.
4) Once you have an idea of what may have changed, if anything, set forth a behavior contract. Tell mom that you are on a team together and your goal is helping this little girl to settle in at daycare. Come up with ideas together.
The reason I am suggesting that you involve the mom is because you don't want her to assume you are tattling, but that you have this girl's best interests at heart.
Blackcat31 02:02 PM 01-13-2011
Every time dcg is behaving in a disrespectful or harmful manner to herself, you or others, call the parents to have them pick up. If they have to pick up several times in a short while, it will become THEIR problem.....
nikia 02:05 PM 01-13-2011
Wow I can't believe moms said that. I would really consider if you want to keep them. Their child behavior is THEIR problem.
I did have a child like that but she flipped because mom and dad are going through a divorce. I just kept up with my rules here and I didn't say much to mom because she had so much on her mind I knew the little girl was needing attention. I had about 4 months of the throwing fits and not behaving. Everytime she went with her dad her behavior worsened. So I gave extra attention for being good and completely ignored for fits even if they lasted an hour I would not pay attention. I would move her to a corner and kept the other children away and busy.
I know kids like that are hard I'm thinking something is going on in her life and she just can't express it.
I did have a child like that but she flipped because mom and dad are going through a divorce. I just kept up with my rules here and I didn't say much to mom because she had so much on her mind I knew the little girl was needing attention. I had about 4 months of the throwing fits and not behaving. Everytime she went with her dad her behavior worsened. So I gave extra attention for being good and completely ignored for fits even if they lasted an hour I would not pay attention. I would move her to a corner and kept the other children away and busy.
I know kids like that are hard I'm thinking something is going on in her life and she just can't express it.
lvt77 02:07 PM 01-13-2011
Thanks so much for the feed back. I really do appreciate it..
I am really blown away by DCM reaction.
I think I will start with a conference and then resort to having the DCG picked up..
I am really blown away by DCM reaction.
I think I will start with a conference and then resort to having the DCG picked up..
lvt77 02:09 PM 01-13-2011
Originally Posted by nikia:
Wow I can't believe moms said that. I would really consider if you want to keep them. Their child behavior is THEIR problem.
I did have a child like that but she flipped because mom and dad are going through a divorce. I just kept up with my rules here and I didn't say much to mom because she had so much on her mind I knew the little girl was needing attention. I had about 4 months of the throwing fits and not behaving. Everytime she went with her dad her behavior worsened. So I gave extra attention for being good and completely ignored for fits even if they lasted an hour I would not pay attention. I would move her to a corner and kept the other children away and busy.
I know kids like that are hard I'm thinking something is going on in her life and she just can't express it.
mom is pg for 3rd time....perhaps this could be it?Wow I can't believe moms said that. I would really consider if you want to keep them. Their child behavior is THEIR problem.
I did have a child like that but she flipped because mom and dad are going through a divorce. I just kept up with my rules here and I didn't say much to mom because she had so much on her mind I knew the little girl was needing attention. I had about 4 months of the throwing fits and not behaving. Everytime she went with her dad her behavior worsened. So I gave extra attention for being good and completely ignored for fits even if they lasted an hour I would not pay attention. I would move her to a corner and kept the other children away and busy.
I know kids like that are hard I'm thinking something is going on in her life and she just can't express it.
Does anyone have a form that they use for parenting resoltuion plans??
nikia 02:13 PM 01-13-2011
Originally Posted by lvt77:
mom is pg for 3rd time....perhaps this could be it?
Does anyone have a form that they use for parenting resoltuion plans??
Is she the baby of the family now?mom is pg for 3rd time....perhaps this could be it?
Does anyone have a form that they use for parenting resoltuion plans??
lvt77 02:15 PM 01-13-2011
no she is the oldest
nikia 02:18 PM 01-13-2011
Originally Posted by lvt77:
no she is the oldest
I thought maybe if she was the baby it could be the reason but even so added another baby and preparing for one may have mom and dad preoccupied and she is wanting extra attentionno she is the oldest
lvt77 02:22 PM 01-13-2011
Originally Posted by nikia:
I thought maybe if she was the baby it could be the reason but even so added another baby and preparing for one may have mom and dad preoccupied and she is wanting extra attention
could very well be...I thought maybe if she was the baby it could be the reason but even so added another baby and preparing for one may have mom and dad preoccupied and she is wanting extra attention
Just wondering if you have a parent/provider resoution plan form or something to that degree?
Unregistered 05:18 PM 01-13-2011
The red flags are too many to count, OP!
Pregnancy is not a valid reason for not working with you as far as her child's behavior is concerned. There is no valid reason for her to ignore behavior issues with her child. It may sound kind of mean, but it's the truth.
It breaks down like this. Her daughter is behaving in a way that affects the other children in your care. The other kids are getting hurt by her, This doesn't affect the mom of your dcg with the behavior problems because you are the one that has to deal with it. The dcg with the behavior issues is being disrespectful to you, and that is totally unacceptable and is an issue for you. Again, the mom doesn't have to deal with the issue because she's not there at the time. It seems like she's well aware of the behavior problems that her child has and she wants you to fix it. Yes, your job is as a daycare provider, but at the end of the day (and all times during the day even while she is at daycare) the mom is still the mom and she is responsible for her child's behavior. I don't know how to word it nicely, but she needs to hear that when a problem concerning her child is a problem for you or anyone else in your care, then it is most definitely her problem!
My daughter had a phase where she was aggressive with other kids and she was rude to her teachers, She was 3 at the time. It didn't last long because I was totally on boead with getting those behaviors to stop and I wasn't looking to shift the responsibility due to me not being there physically. I understood that since it was my child, it was my problem.
If the mom of your dcg isn't willing to be a part of the solution, then she is probably going to make the problem even larger.
I hope that everything goes better for you.
Pregnancy is not a valid reason for not working with you as far as her child's behavior is concerned. There is no valid reason for her to ignore behavior issues with her child. It may sound kind of mean, but it's the truth.
It breaks down like this. Her daughter is behaving in a way that affects the other children in your care. The other kids are getting hurt by her, This doesn't affect the mom of your dcg with the behavior problems because you are the one that has to deal with it. The dcg with the behavior issues is being disrespectful to you, and that is totally unacceptable and is an issue for you. Again, the mom doesn't have to deal with the issue because she's not there at the time. It seems like she's well aware of the behavior problems that her child has and she wants you to fix it. Yes, your job is as a daycare provider, but at the end of the day (and all times during the day even while she is at daycare) the mom is still the mom and she is responsible for her child's behavior. I don't know how to word it nicely, but she needs to hear that when a problem concerning her child is a problem for you or anyone else in your care, then it is most definitely her problem!
My daughter had a phase where she was aggressive with other kids and she was rude to her teachers, She was 3 at the time. It didn't last long because I was totally on boead with getting those behaviors to stop and I wasn't looking to shift the responsibility due to me not being there physically. I understood that since it was my child, it was my problem.
If the mom of your dcg isn't willing to be a part of the solution, then she is probably going to make the problem even larger.
I hope that everything goes better for you.
Fro 07:58 AM 01-14-2011
It sounds to me like maybe the mom is having some problems too. I would definatly agree that you should have a meeting, with no kids around, and ask mom with general concern, what is wrong.
I would tell her that her childs behavior has changed drastically, and you have noticed that moms attitude is also different than before. explain that you want to help but you need to know whats wrong.
She will either start offering explainations, or she will blow you off again, if she blows you off, give her your 2 weeks notice and know you tried your best. If she gives you a sob story, or something like that, suggest a plan to correct the behavior, and request that you keep the lines of communication open. then hope for the best.
I would tell her that her childs behavior has changed drastically, and you have noticed that moms attitude is also different than before. explain that you want to help but you need to know whats wrong.
She will either start offering explainations, or she will blow you off again, if she blows you off, give her your 2 weeks notice and know you tried your best. If she gives you a sob story, or something like that, suggest a plan to correct the behavior, and request that you keep the lines of communication open. then hope for the best.