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Old 10-10-2018, 09:35 PM
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Default Would You Terminate?

So....I have had this child since he was 6 weeks old, he is now 2.

It has been one thing after the other. So first his mom gets off work at 3:30 and she works one block from my home, she would not show up until like 4:30 and one time it was after 5...I ended up taking him to her because I had plans that night. So I told her she had to have him picked up by 4 (this was before I had a lot of kids and got a contract and set hours because I wasn’t really experienced) so she would do good for a few weeks then it would be late again. This happened several times. So I set my hours to 7-4 and charged $1 a minute after 4. So now she shows up at like 3:55-4.

So I have several children now and I have a contract and all that. She will bring him to me sick...when it is in my contract not to. She has brought him in and layed him on the couch felt of his head and said oh man you feel kind of warm...leave and I check it and it’s over 102. She always makes rude comments about how much I charge and threatens to take him somewhere else. And they’re not a poor family. They eat out probably 4 times a week or more and they have 4 children.

But the thing that really has caused me to want to term is the other day I was trying to plan the next few months and so I was trying to figure out when my next kids would be leaving and all that. So she’s a school teacher and so I knew she would be out for the summer...she just switched jobs to where she would be, so I have her and another school teacher so I decided I was going to talk to them and ask them if they planned on taking them out for the summer and if so they wouldn’t be promised a spot unless they wanted to pay and keep the spot or go ahead and bring them.

So the other teacher picked her child up first, I said I need to talk to you so I just asked her what are your plans for the summer? Are you going to keep him with you or leave him in and she said she was out for the summer and asked how the spot would work and I told her I couldn’t promise him a spot and so we discussed my side of the issue and hers and she said well I do not want to loose his spot so I’m going to keep him in. It was a very calm and great conversation.

So when the other mom came I asked her the same thing... I said what’s your plans for the summer and she looks at me with a smirk and says I’m keeping him home for the summer and I said okay that’s fine but he’s not promised a spot. And she gets very loud and says Well I can’t afford to pay you $$ a week and be able to live too. And I said I totally understand that but you have to look at it my way too. I have bills also. I can’t afford to hold a spot for nothing.
She was so mad. She said well If you won’t hold the spot I’ll just take him down the road to another daycare they’re cheaper anyways ($2 a day).

I was so stressed out after that and like it’s bothered me ever since. The hard thing is It’s a friend outside of daycare. I know her from church so I don’t know how to do it. It’s just I’m so stressed. And I don’t think I can handle it for 8 more months. None of my other parents treat me this way! I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?? Sorry it’s so long lol.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 10-10-2018 at 09:39 PM.
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Old 10-11-2018, 03:24 AM
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She's a friend outside of dc? Doesn't sound like much of a friend. It sounds like she's using you and wants things her way only. TBH, I wouldn't tolerate it. Stay with what you told her about the summer spot and hopefully she'll decide to go with the other dc down the street for 2 bucks less a day.
If you can't take it for another 8 months, I'd confront her with the issues you're having, even write a list, and tell her these are the things you need(and EXPECT) from her, if she can't comply then you can give her a 2 week notice. Make sure you tell her any disrespect, etc., during those 2 weeks is cause for immediate termination.
Are you afraid of losing this 'friend'? You know what they say 'with a friend like that, who needs enemies?' Truthfully, looking at your situation from the outside, you need to get your backbone out and treat her as a client. She'll only keep walking all over you if you continue to allow it. You can be nice, but firm. And don't back down but be strong in your own business. You can do this, for the sake of your own business and your self respect!!!

Another option is to rip that bandaid off and just come out and tell her 'this business relationship is no longer working out.' Then hand her a written termination telling her when dcb's last day of care is. And as providers here say, just keep saying it over and over to her, without any elaboration. Do NOT give her any wiggle room to change your mind. Honestly, I think I'd go with that option. Eight months is an awfully long time to be miserable.
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Old 10-11-2018, 04:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
So....I have had this child since he was 6 weeks old, he is now 2.

It has been one thing after the other. So first his mom gets off work at 3:30 and she works one block from my home, she would not show up until like 4:30 and one time it was after 5...I ended up taking him to her because I had plans that night. So I told her she had to have him picked up by 4 (this was before I had a lot of kids and got a contract and set hours because I wasn’t really experienced) so she would do good for a few weeks then it would be late again. This happened several times. So I set my hours to 7-4 and charged $1 a minute after 4. So now she shows up at like 3:55-4.

So I have several children now and I have a contract and all that. She will bring him to me sick...when it is in my contract not to. She has brought him in and layed him on the couch felt of his head and said oh man you feel kind of warm...leave and I check it and it’s over 102. She always makes rude comments about how much I charge and threatens to take him somewhere else. And they’re not a poor family. They eat out probably 4 times a week or more and they have 4 children.

But the thing that really has caused me to want to term is the other day I was trying to plan the next few months and so I was trying to figure out when my next kids would be leaving and all that. So she’s a school teacher and so I knew she would be out for the summer...she just switched jobs to where she would be, so I have her and another school teacher so I decided I was going to talk to them and ask them if they planned on taking them out for the summer and if so they wouldn’t be promised a spot unless they wanted to pay and keep the spot or go ahead and bring them.

So the other teacher picked her child up first, I said I need to talk to you so I just asked her what are your plans for the summer? Are you going to keep him with you or leave him in and she said she was out for the summer and asked how the spot would work and I told her I couldn’t promise him a spot and so we discussed my side of the issue and hers and she said well I do not want to loose his spot so I’m going to keep him in. It was a very calm and great conversation.

So when the other mom came I asked her the same thing... I said what’s your plans for the summer and she looks at me with a smirk and says I’m keeping him home for the summer and I said okay that’s fine but he’s not promised a spot. And she gets very loud and says Well I can’t afford to pay you $$ a week and be able to live too. And I said I totally understand that but you have to look at it my way too. I have bills also. I can’t afford to hold a spot for nothing.
She was so mad. She said well If you won’t hold the spot I’ll just take him down the road to another daycare they’re cheaper anyways ($2 a day).

I was so stressed out after that and like it’s bothered me ever since. The hard thing is It’s a friend outside of daycare. I know her from church so I don’t know how to do it. It’s just I’m so stressed. And I don’t think I can handle it for 8 more months. None of my other parents treat me this way! I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?? Sorry it’s so long lol.
I can tell you the ones that expect special will always expect just that. Teachers can be some of the worst when it comes to that. They also leave their kids until the last possible second.If you do not like how you are treated end the relationship. Trust me it is not worth it. I walked on egg shells and it blew up the second I didn't give them their way.
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Old 10-11-2018, 05:35 AM
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Whenever "I" wonder if "I" should terminate, it always turns out that I should, or should have.
My advise to providers will always be to rid themselves of ANY families that cause them enough stress to wonder if they should terminate. Not even financial need is a good enough reason to keep feeling miserable!
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Old 10-11-2018, 06:02 AM
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Personally, I would not terminate.

By enforcing your own policies consistently you have the ability to completely resolve these issues.

  • Parent arrives late: charge fee.
  • Parent brings sick child: refuse entrance at door.
  • Parent does not pay tuition: fill their slot.
  • Tuition is not attendance based: No pay/No stay
  • Ignore parent temper tantrums as long as they pay and follow policies

If your policies are not important enough for you to enforce how do you expect them to follow them? Don't make policies you won't enforce. You are the only one with the power to fix this.
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Old 10-11-2018, 06:32 AM
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You sound like you want permission to terminate the child... Well you have my permission, so do what you feel is best! for me, when she mentioned the other day care, I would have asked her if that was her official two weeks notice. I'm pretty good at not listening to parents drama, but one of my triggers is threats from grown adults. When they make them, I encourage them to follow through and will let them out of the contract. I don't want a two-week notice, I don't want any more of their money, I just want them to go. If that's how you feel about this mother, I would save your sanity and terminate care now. If you can last till the end of the school year, then just make it clear that she does not have a spot after the last day.
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Old 10-11-2018, 12:21 PM
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Quote:
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She was so mad. She said well If you wonít hold the spot Iíll just take him down the road to another daycare theyíre cheaper anyways ($2 a day).
I agree with the others. She isn't much of a friend and I would have responded to the above quote with, "I'll miss you but I understand if you want to move on to other day care. Is this your 2 week notice?"

I can be a wuss when it comes to standing up for myself but nothing hardens up my backbone like a parent threatening to go to another day care in order to get me to back down on one of my policies.
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Old 10-11-2018, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
You sound like you want permission to terminate the child... Well you have my permission, so do what you feel is best! for me, when she mentioned the other day care, I would have asked her if that was her official two weeks notice. I'm pretty good at not listening to parents drama, but one of my triggers is threats from grown adults. When they make them, I encourage them to follow through and will let them out of the contract. I don't want a two-week notice, I don't want any more of their money, I just want them to go. If that's how you feel about this mother, I would save your sanity and terminate care now. If you can last till the end of the school year, then just make it clear that she does not have a spot after the last day.

I ALWAYS call their bluff. As soon as she raised her voice to me I would have asked her if this was her giving me notice.

I only want families who WANT to be here.
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Old 10-11-2018, 12:36 PM
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You have gotten really good advice above.

Try to take the emotion out of it. It's business and you are doing what's in the best interest of the business.

Next time the child is sick, refuse them. It's in the best interest of the group.

Next time she says "I'll take him to so-and-do daycare", take her at her word. Tell her "that's fine, I accept your notice to terminate, his last day will be two weeks from Friday."

Have a clock and late slips by your door. The late slip should say "repeated lateness will result in termination of your childcare contract." Next time she's late, hand her one and shut the door.

Set the precedent on how you want to be treated and don't look at it as "confrontation" because it's not. It's very black and white and just business.
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Old 10-11-2018, 03:42 PM
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Default Thank you all

Thanks for all of the opinions. I really just worry about what people think about me and Iím worried she will go and spread rumors about me and change the story. I have confronted her about things before and she just Denys everything and itís like everything goes in one ear and out the other. I know I just need to get some backbone and confront her. I just know sheís going to get super mad and turn it all around on me.
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Old 10-11-2018, 03:51 PM
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Thanks for all of the opinions. I really just worry about what people think about me and Iím worried she will go and spread rumors about me and change the story. I have confronted her about things before and she just Denys everything and itís like everything goes in one ear and out the other. I know I just need to get some backbone and confront her. I just know sheís going to get super mad and turn it all around on me.
But it doesn't take long for people to learn the truth about others, whether it's about you or about her. If she's super mad, and ends up spreading rumors about you, take the high road, keep a smile on your face and prove you're better than that. Remain professional and don't let yourself be intimidated by this adult bully. If nothing else, at least fake it til you make it.

And use what e.j. said, if given the chance again. She's making her choice by throwing around threats of leaving.

E.J.-"I agree with the others. She isn't much of a friend and I would have responded to the above quote with, "I'll miss you but I understand if you want to move on to other day care. Is this your 2 week notice?"

I can be a wuss when it comes to standing up for myself but nothing hardens up my backbone like a parent threatening to go to another day care in order to get me to back down on one of my policies. "
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Old 10-11-2018, 04:48 PM
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Thanks for all of the opinions. I really just worry about what people think about me and I’m worried she will go and spread rumors about me and change the story. I have confronted her about things before and she just Denys everything and it’s like everything goes in one ear and out the other. I know I just need to get some backbone and confront her. I just know she’s going to get super mad and turn it all around on me.
My mil and I didn't get along well. When my husband and I first got married, I was worried about what family friends and neighbors would think of me after hearing her version of events. My sister told me, "The people she's talking to know what she's like. If she talks about you in a negative way, they will consider the source. Don't worry about it." I worried about it until my mil's best friend took me aside and told me she knew what I was going through and to hang in there. A few of her neighbors also surprised me with their support. I doubt you have anything to worry about in that respect.

You don't really have to "confront" her. I've always been very understanding anytime dc parents have had a complaint about something like my tuition rate or having to pay over the summer to keep their child's slot. "As a parent who once had a child in day care, I totally understand. I can't blame you for wanting to save money. Like any business, though, I need to be making money in order to stay in business and I can't do that without paying customers. I'll have to look for someone to fill the opening and can't guarantee I'll find a family that needs summer care only. I just want you to be aware that I may not have an opening in the fall when you do need care. If she threatens to go to the other day care provider, just say, "Great! I've heard she's wonderful with the kids. I hope it works out for you." Agreeing with them kind of takes the wind out of their sails.

When I run into a situation where I'm angry about the way I'm being treated but afraid to stand up for myself for fear of making the other person angry, I tell myself, "Someone in this situation is going to be angry. It might as well not be me!"
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