Hi gang, registered user just need privacy here.

I have a delicate situation I need some help on please. One of my child's best friends (age 12) has always had a problem with personal hygiene. Summer is always worse for obvious reasons and we just try our best to cope. Well as you know it's winter and for some reason things have been worse and I just dread summer this year if it's this bad now. My main concern is the body odor. It's bad enough when we sit at the dinner table and such but being in a closed in car with him yesterday just about gagged me! How am I going to manage this summer and what if 1 of the daycare kids who know no better say something? I would love to know if he and his family even bathe but I don't dare ask. They are a lower income family and I know sometimes that is a factor but they don't go without really as they all have their own cell phones and laptops etc. The boy will wear the same set of clothes for a few days and I know that is a huge part of the problem but even when he has a fresh set the odor is still there just not as strong. Yesterday his ears were so filthy the wax/grime was laying all around in his ears. One ear even had it down on the lobe like he layed on it or something. I don't know what to do! Normally I just think it's not my business but I don't want to suffer smelling this child, especially during my meal and in a closed car! Is there anything you can suggest I am out of ideas. I can't offend him he is a good boy just not being raised with good hygiene. Thanks in advance!

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So you are providing childcare for this child and it is the child of a friend? and that is what is making the situation difficult?

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You know how some moms are like 'a second mom' to their kid's friends? Try doing that. Let him know that he is like family and you are willing to help him if he needs it. Just say something like 'I know you and (your child's name) are really good friends and that this can be a tough age sometimes. I want you to know if you ever need anything just let me know wheather it is a meal, a shower, clean clothes or a place to crash'. (notice the sandwich in the main points) Although this would work better if you mean it .

If he spends the night at your house make sure that you have kinda like a "bedtime routine" wear everyone takes a shower before going to bed or a morning routine where everyone takes a shower in the morning (make sure to have an extra towel he can use).

While his family's situation may be part of the problem I think has more to do with puberty than with famiy- he 's getting sweatier/ greasier; so he is getting smellier. Fact of life: Men tend to smell more than women and women have more sesitive noses than most men. He may have been able to get by on a shower every other day or 2 or 3 times a week and now it's getting more noticable. My brother used to sweat alot and would get really bad BO even when he wore deoderent all the time and sometimes he still has to take a shower 2 or 3 times a day (espesually after he plays paintball).

And YES- most teenage boys wear the same clothes everyday even if they do have cleaner options (before they get interested in girls) I know some guys in their 20s that still do . Another thing you can try is buying him and your son (so it's less conspicuous) some body spray and deodorent for guys (AXE, Old Spice, BOD).

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Does his mother notice it?

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This is quite normal for kids this age, and his parents may not be willing to fight him on it. I don't know what the relationship is with the parents, but I would say something to the kiddo.

"Hey bud, I know showers suck (they are cold to get into, whatever, just kind of get on his side), but as you get older, your body produces more sweat, and smellier sweat. Most guys your age need to take daily showers and even then need deodorant and maybe some body spray in between. How would you like to go pick out something you like?"

Take him shopping for a grooming kit.

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It might be better if your son says something to him. "Dude, take a shower you're getting ripe!" Sometimes good friends can be blunt with each other.

At 12 he should be taking a shower daily. One thing I have noticed as I have a son close to that age is that they need reminders to wash their feet.

If there are a lot of animals in the house people can get smelly from them and they get used to the smell and don't even notice it.

It's always a touchy situation that nobody likes to address. I would imagine the School Nurse gets saddled with approaching this often. (Perhaps a call to the nurse would give you some helpful hints.)

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Any chance he lives in Hoarderville?

Tell him straight "Dude you smell like teenage boy. YUCK Go home and de-teenager yourself in the shower. You need to scrub from head to toe and get that hormonal reek off of you. It's gagging me. Love ya but dude you smell way too manly for me".

Blame it on his hormones and not on the filth.

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My boys are 21, 19 and when they were younger there would be band practise in our basement and I would say "it smells like Teen Spirit down here"


If you can manage it I would buy each of the boys a little "becoming a teenager" pack with deodorant, body wash, facial cleanser etc.

some parents are clueless to that stuff.

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My brother's bff was like that. He was quite overweight as well. He spent a LOT of time at our house. The couch would smell, the boys' room would smell, our car would smell... and it would linger. But he was a BIG kid and honestly I think that's just how he was. He knew he was like that. Sometimes he'd try to cover it up with cologne which made it worse. :-X

My parents never said anything because to them, having our house be the "hang out" house was worth the sacrifice. We opened a lot of windows (even in the winter) and washed a lot of laundry.

He eventually grew out of it... mostly. But it wasn't until after college when my brother was his dorm roommate!! Their room was ALWAYS freezing. Fans on, windows open. Hah!

Anyway, my point is... saying something could potentially backfire. Especially in his living situation, he may be insecure and find peace at your house. Not sure if that's worth jeopardizing over B.O.

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This 100%.

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+2 here!

Always handle it with humor and caring.

Blame the teen hormones NOT him personally.

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Our boys 5th grade teacher always gave the same talk the first day of School. If you are not using deoderant you need to start now . You may not need it now but you will soon. You do not want to be known as the kid that smells. I loved her none of the kids in her room smelled. Many years she even had free samples she handed out.

I think you will be doing him a favor if someone tells him. He may not smell himself.

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I say have him over for a weekend and make it fun to get clean! Let him and your son wash their own clothes and make sure they get showers with body paints or something to make it fun. Then you can compliment them on how good they smell after their showers! Maybe he will like the compliments and be more likely to take his hygiene into his own hands?

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Could you have a sleep over but have both boys bathe (separately) in the am then go out somewhere like it was no big deal? And have a morning kit ready for both boys including tooth brush, comb, deorderant, axe (even though I hate the smells but teen boys love it).

You could probably do it for $5 each in the dollar section.

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you pull him aside and lay it all out on the line. Doesn't matter if his family has 75 inch screen tv, and the latest and greatest. Somewhere along the line someone is not educating him on hygiene. He needs someone that will care enough to tell him before he is picked on by others or it gets worse. Just tell him, look pre-teen- almost teen, your at an age where you need to take better care of yourself, because your sweat glands are on over drive and your hormones are creating more stink. Everyday you need to take a shower and wash, then dry off and apply a good deodorant. ( I would even offer him one to start off- Axe seems to be a favorite at this age) You need to wash your clothes and if your sweating a lot you need to change them through the day. I would even show him how to operate a washing machine. I would tell him I am not telling you this to hurt your feelings, I am telling you this because I care and when I was your age someone had to tell me this. If his family dares to say anything to you then I would just explain to them that I wouldn't have had to tell your son this stuff if you had! They might be greatful because they have told him but it has gone unheard and needed to be brought up by someone other then the parents. Then they just might live in filth and if that is the case and you want to still have your son hang around this child, I would wash his clothes and have a spare that he could wear and change out at your house, and tell him to go take a shower- He might not even know how to wash properly and you could be someone that saves him in the long grand scheme. You just have to do it tactfully and make sure he knows your sincere in helping him not picking on him.

Good luck- that age is the age of the funky smell

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I really need to learn to read ahead because bingo this is exactly what I was saying, at least in my head :-) I also think some boys don't know how to work a washing machine and showing them how to do it so they are not afraid of ruining clothes is a good thing too.

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this is another avenue you can explore. Talk to his mother and tell her you don't want to see this child be picked on at school and in his life for poor hygiene practices. Be willing to help her send the message to him

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I once had a child at a daycare that I worked at who had the same problem, he was 11. He would come into the daycare and wooh, smell up the whole center! We finally had to tell his mom because even other children were saying things. She understood, I think she knew he smelled, and from that day on he wore deoderant. Now, my daughter is 10 and I noticed that she has started to have a little bo. She showers regularly too. I explained to her that all kids go through the same thing at some point. I took her to the store and she picked out her own scent. I do have to remind her to wear it. Maybe this child's parents don't realize how their child's hygiene is offensive to others. This is a tough one, you don't want to embarrass the child, but at the same time you don't want him to be embarrassed about something he may not notice. I like what Starburst suggested! Oh and I have a teenage nephew, he doesn't like to change his clothes either, gross, but I think it's a teenage boy thing! He does change them, but doesn't like to. Most of them don't really care.

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My older cousin is kinda like that too he's really tall and big and he always smells weird- like really weird BO but kinda also mixed with moth balls and sweaty feet. No one else in the house smells like that. But he also has a neurologic condition (seizures) and has to take medications that causes this unusual scent and he also has some learning and mental disabilities (I think it might be some form of a midium functioning autism) so he doesn't really shower much- which makes it worse! Mostly stays at home playing video games all day and most of his friends see him. And yes the home is really dirty because pretty much everyone else in that house has something wrong with them too [Aunt= COPD, Fibromyalga, heart/ lung problems (ex-smoker); Uncle= heart and joint issues; Grandma= Alzhimers/dementia, suffered a stroke years ago; My brother= Bipolar with Schitzophrenic tendicies]

So that could be an issue to: medications for health issues

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:-) I also advise to make sure ya hit the “back, sack, and crack" that “cracks" them up

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