Overbearing Parent

[mamadaycare]

I just posted yesterday but I am really struggling with what to say to this mom without being rude.

So I have her 2 1/2 year old boy and she had a hard time with him starting here but he loves it! And they have fully adjusted to him coming. Well baby brother starts tomorrow and she is FREAKING out. She is constantly blowing up my phone with questions. I understand she is nervous about leaving baby for the first time, but its starting to feel like she doesn't trust me. She wants baby to wear an owlet, which my state allows. But I don't want him to because I know she will be on the app all day long texting and calling me about anything that happens. She is also wanting me to potty train her older boy at the same time. But I told her right now isn't a good time with baby just starting. I will not be able to take him every 30 minutes like she requests.

She is wearing on me with each passing day and I don't know what to do.

[Cat Herder]

Tell her no.

No.

Potty Training is a parental responsibility.

Group care is group care.

Mom needs to get her emotional feed somewhere else. I'd give her the "find other care or get in line with everyone else lecture.

[Cat Herder]

I'd also suspect Mom wants to build her case to Dad that she just MUST be a stay at home mom and he NEEDS to fund it 100%.

Be careful with that type. They live to make false allegations with no concern for how it will affect your career.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

I'd also suspect Mom wants to build her case to Dad that she just MUST be a stay at home mom and he NEEDS to fund it 100%.

Be careful with that type. They live to make false allegations with no concern for how it will affect your career.

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did pull them. She just acts like her kids are the only ones here. She is constantly asking the most ridiculous questions. She wants to see the swing and pack and play “to ease her mind”. She wants the owlet, and if he cries she wants to know. She is stressing about milk and basically anything you can think of. I have been nice and answered all her questions on my time off. Going back and forth for hours and I’m done. She either has to trust me or find another provider because this is exhausting

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did pull them. She just acts like her kids are the only ones here. She is constantly asking the most ridiculous questions. She wants to see the swing and pack and play “to ease her mind”. She wants the owlet, and if he cries she wants to know. She is stressing about milk and basically anything you can think of. I have been nice and answered all her questions on my time off. Going back and forth for hours and I’m done. She either has to trust me or find another provider because this is exhausting

I am sorry.

That type is difficult to manage and can suck any joy out of your entire week.

[Valerie928]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did pull them. She just acts like her kids are the only ones here. She is constantly asking the most ridiculous questions. She wants to see the swing and pack and play “to ease her mind”. She wants the owlet, and if he cries she wants to know. She is stressing about milk and basically anything you can think of. I have been nice and answered all her questions on my time off. Going back and forth for hours and I’m done. She either has to trust me or find another provider because this is exhausting

I am sorry you are dealing with this! At this point in my life and experience as a parent and a childcare provider, I would not be able to provide care for this woman. I can't do neurotic. You should not have to either.

Keep us posted.

[284878]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did pull them. She just acts like her kids are the only ones here. She is constantly asking the most ridiculous questions. She wants to see the swing and pack and play “to ease her mind”. She wants the owlet, and if he cries she wants to know. She is stressing about milk and basically anything you can think of. I have been nice and answered all her questions on my time off. Going back and forth for hours and I’m done. She either has to trust me or find another provider because this is exhausting

I had a dcm that gave me a schedule. At the time, I had lost all my dck when I said I was expecting and was able to enroll 2 babies right away, both dcm were very understanding that I would close for the summer after I had my lo.

Anyways, dcm drove me nuts by writing everything out for me daily. Even down to measuring and mixing on the cereal. She had dcb on a to the tee diet between bottles and cereal. She had naps and bottle times written down to the minute. She wanted him woke at a certain time.
Whenever she asked if I followed the schedule, I would just remind her that dcb was not the only baby I had to take care of. I would never answer her directly, but due to both the babies having opposite schedules, when one was up, the other one was asleep, I always was able to keep him on schedule, give or take a few minutes.

I had an end date in mind, the birth of my lo, so I never spoke up.

However, I think that you should tell your dcm 'that it sounds like she does not trust you and if that is the case, you will take it as her two-week notice'. She will either shut up or pull the kids, either way, it should stop. Even if you do not say it this way, there are other ways to say it. Like sending the schedule home with edits that fit your dc schedule, with a note that says something like, please adjust the baby schedule to fit into the group care schedule.

[Josiegirl]

Through a parent's eyes(and heart)I can empathize completely which is why I chose to operate a dc and stay home with my own children. As a dcp, no way could I have worked with a demanding parent, only because it's group care. If you cater to 1, you cater to all. And that just doesn't happen when you've got multiple children in your care. She either 1) needs to trust you 2) get a nanny or 3) stay home until her children are older.

If you want to keep these dcks I suggest sitting her down or a heart-to-heart. I can only imagine how tough it is placing an infant's care into another's arms with complete trust.

Just wanted to add that maybe (if you already don't) you could snap pictures of her infant throughout the day, just for reassurance. Giving her that connection may help.

[mamadaycare]

So dcm texted me last night not even 5 minutes after I had closed for the day asking again for the owlet sock. I told her that they could use it for this week but after that we are done with it. I feel the monitoring of it will only cause conflict. I told her that I completely understand that she has post partum anxiety, but I have done everything in my power to make her trust that I have his best interest at heart with everything that I do. And I also know how to help prevent SIDS and I would be practicing all those things (she wanted him to sleep in a swing and I told her absolutely not). She quickly changed her tune and said she trusts me and we didn't have to use it if I was comfortable with that. Then later says "dcd is being a stickler and wants him to have it" I said that is fine but it is only for the rest of this week. It's just another thing I have to worry about during the day. She also has been texting me nonstop this morning about anything and everything. DCM is exhausting me quickly

[Valerie928]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

So dcm texted me last night not even 5 minutes after I had closed for the day asking again for the owlet sock. I told her that they could use it for this week but after that we are done with it. I feel the monitoring of it will only cause conflict. I told her that I completely understand that she has post partum anxiety, but I have done everything in my power to make her trust that I have his best interest at heart with everything that I do. And I also know how to help prevent SIDS and I would be practicing all those things (she wanted him to sleep in a swing and I told her absolutely not). She quickly changed her tune and said she trusts me and we didn't have to use it if I was comfortable with that. Then later says "dcd is being a stickler and wants him to have it" I said that is fine but it is only for the rest of this week. It's just another thing I have to worry about during the day. She also has been texting me nonstop this morning about anything and everything. DCM is exhausting me quickly

I am not sure how you are maintaining your sanity at this point.

[Cat Herder]

Be sure to charge her for the after hours consult. You don't want this to become the norm.

I would have already moved on.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by Valerie928

I am not sure how you are maintaining your sanity at this point.

I don't think I am. I am slowly losing my grip on sanity today. I know she will calm down eventually but she is taking up all my time today and I don't know how much more I can take. It has been like this for weeks. And he just started today.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

Be sure to charge her for the after hours consult. You don't want this to become the norm.

I would have already moved on.

If they didn't have big brother here I would have already told her to find alternate care. But I am holding out hope that she will calm down soon like she did when big brother started. I really do need to start charging her extra for spending all my free time sending her paragraphs reassuring her I am a good provider and know what I am doing. I raised 3 of my own and have done childcare for 12 years

TERMINATE care immediately! There's being nervous and then there's being ridiculous. I think mom is being rediculous

[Pandaluver21]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

If they didn't have big brother here I would have already told her to find alternate care. But I am holding out hope that she will calm down soon like she did when big brother started. I really do need to start charging her extra for spending all my free time sending her paragraphs reassuring her I am a good provider and know what I am doing. I raised 3 of my own and have done childcare for 12 years

I have "quiet hours" meaning they can text but after a certain time of day I stop responding and will pick it up the next day. Also, if I'm WORKING I'm not on my phone, so unless it's an emergency I don't respond then either.

[Josiegirl]

Yikes, and today was his first day? Ask her how you're supposed to care for her 2 children and the others as well, when you're catering to her every whim? Well ok, maybe not. TG there are only 2 more days this week.

I will let a new parent text me multiple times a day for a week or two and then it has to stop. I don’t have time during my day. As far as potty training her 2 1/2 year old I don’t potty train. Child must initiate potty training at home first and then I will start at daycare. I’ve had this policy for 35 years without much resistance.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by Pandaluver21

I have "quiet hours" meaning they can text but after a certain time of day I stop responding and will pick it up the next day. Also, if I'm WORKING I'm not on my phone, so unless it's an emergency I don't respond then either.

I implemented this last night for the first time when she texted me at 7:15 at night asking if he took his binky and I was in the Safe with You training. This was not an urgent matter so I responded this morning.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I will let a new parent text me multiple times a day for a week or two and then it has to stop. I don’t have time during my day. As far as potty training her 2 1/2 year old I don’t potty train. Child must initiate potty training at home first and then I will start at daycare. I’ve had this policy for 35 years without much resistance.

I usually would, but she is texting me just to text me at this point. I feel like its more of what she can control than anything. Tell me more about the potty training! Do you have the parents stay home a few days with them and then allow them to come back start potty training them in your program?

[CountryRoads]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

I implemented this last night for the first time when she texted me at 7:15 at night asking if he took his binky and I was in the Safe with You training. This was not an urgent matter so I responded this morning.

She texted you to ask if he took his binky??

Oh my. But yes, that's a good rule to follow. If it's not urgent, she can wait until business hours.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

She texted you to ask if he took his binky??

Oh my. But yes, that's a good rule to follow. If it's not urgent, she can wait until business hours.

Oh yeah, I feel like she just has to text me. I don't see why it would even matter either way if he took his binky or not. But apparently she just felt the need to know.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by mamadaycare

Oh yeah, I feel like she just has to text me. I don't see why it would even matter either way if he took his binky or not. But apparently she just felt the need to know.

I used to have parents that text me outside of business hours. I would reply with the following:

"ABC Childcare is currently closed. Please contact me during business hours as I am spending time with my family. Thank you!"

.....and then I would NOT respond for ANY reason.
If they stopped texting and called I did not answer.

There literally is NO VALID reason a parents needs to contact you outside of business hours.

If it got really bad, I would verbally tell the parent the next day at drop off "Sally, I understand you have questions, comments etc but please limit these things to my business hours only as I too have a family that deserves my uninterrupted time and attention. I am sure you can understand."


Having a strong backbone is hard but it's necessary in this profession. Building and using a strong back bone or addressing every need a parent has .... either option is difficult but only one is positive and necessary.

[Blackcat31]

In regards to potty training, here is a good thread with some info you can print and share with mom ....

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=90763


I do not involve myself in potty training at all.
It's a parental responsibility.

[mamadaycare]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

In regards to potty training, here is a good thread with some info you can print and share with mom ....

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=90763


I do not involve myself in potty training at all.
It's a parental responsibility.

Thank you so much! I love the idea of having the parents do it at home since we are only one person. And he is not ready at all to be potty trained. He shows zero interest and doesn't have the self awareness to know he needs to pee. I tried it for one day and he peed his pants twice even with taking him every 30 minutes and I told mom no more!

[Ariana]

Look up some of my threads regarding a crazy texting neurotic mother. I dealt with her for over a year. It was the worst. I tried to lay many many boundaries and in the end I closed due to Covid but I will never enrol a neurotic mom ever again. She did calm down in terms of being anxiety ridden about her kid but the texting kept going and going. Even after I closed. I had to block her in the end.

These types of people have no clue what a boundary is! She took years off my life I swear. I would try and nip this in the bud right away and just let her know what you CAN do for her. This is how my husband used to counsel me regarding her behaviour. Instead of s asserting “no I can’t do that”, let her know what you CAN do. So for example you telling her you can do the owlet for this week only is perfect. Don’t be wish washy in any way and the good thing is that you don’t care if she pulls or not because she is annoying AF

[Snowmom]

I'm still stuck on the "wants an owlet and yet wants to sleep in a swing".

This one is wacky.

[Sunshine69]

Originally Posted by Ariana

These types of people have no clue what a boundary is!

This! ^ Exactly!

I like the idea of a canned text message that your daycare is closed and you will address the text during your business hours.

There are definitely good reasons parents can message you after hours. Some can’t really use their phones during their workdays, so I allow for a reasonable amount of messages. When they message something that isn’t necessary, I ignore it until they come in and discuss it with them then. If they continue to text unreasonably, they get the canned message.

Most figure out the boundaries and learn to respect them.

I’ve had to talk myself out of feeling guilty for setting the boundaries and possibly offending them but then I remind myself that it didn’t bother them to attempt micromanaging my business or interrupting my family time and, POOF, no more guilt.