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  #1  
Old 05-30-2013, 07:07 PM
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I have 2 Cozy Coupes for 3 children (who want to use them; DD is too big and doesn't really care). You'd think that this would work (as we have lots of other things to do outside, too) but no. They fight over them. It's very annoying.

So DS's second bday is coming up on Monday, and I'm wondering...would it be wrong to buy a third Cozy Coupe that's distinctly different from the others to be HIS and the 4.25 yo and 5 yo boys dcbs can use the regular Cozy Coupes, so I can redirect DS over to his very OWN any time the issue arises (which is often)?
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
I have 2 Cozy Coupes for 3 children (who want to use them; DD is too big and doesn't really care). You'd think that this would work (as we have lots of other things to do outside, too) but no. They fight over them. It's very annoying.

So DS's second bday is coming up on Monday, and I'm wondering...would it be wrong to buy a third Cozy Coupe that's distinctly different from the others to be HIS and the 4.25 yo and 5 yo boys dcbs can use the regular Cozy Coupes, so I can redirect DS over to his very OWN any time the issue arises (which is often)?
I don't think there is anything wrong with that. My kids have things that are NOT daycare things that they don't have to share.
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
I have 2 Cozy Coupes for 3 children (who want to use them; DD is too big and doesn't really care). You'd think that this would work (as we have lots of other things to do outside, too) but no. They fight over them. It's very annoying.

So DS's second bday is coming up on Monday, and I'm wondering...would it be wrong to buy a third Cozy Coupe that's distinctly different from the others to be HIS and the 4.25 yo and 5 yo boys dcbs can use the regular Cozy Coupes, so I can redirect DS over to his very OWN any time the issue arises (which is often)?
I wouldn't. I don't like the idea of making him be or feel privileged. What does that teach him?
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:14 PM
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No, my grandbaby has a whole set of toys that are hers, and hers alone and I don't feel badly about it at all ( the kids don't care either, they have plenty to do anyway).
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:15 PM
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When my kids were little, they did have their own non-shared toys, but they couldn't bring them into the playroom and play with them in front of the other kids.

I'm not sure I'd get a cozy coupe that didn't have to be shared, but that's just me.
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Old 05-30-2013, 07:25 PM
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I totally would. The other two would have a car too so I don't see it as a big deal at all. Why does everything have to be so FAIR all of the time? I really think adults push the fair card way too far. My 3 daughters get to do and have a lot of things the daycare kids can't. It isn't lorded over them but it is a fact of life. If I have a kiddo actually question how fair it is (very rarely happens) I remind them that they get special toys/snacks/space etc. at home.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:18 PM
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I totally would. The other two would have a car too so I don't see it as a big deal at all. Why does everything have to be so FAIR all of the time? I really think adults push the fair card way too far. My 3 daughters get to do and have a lot of things the daycare kids can't. It isn't lorded over them but it is a fact of life. If I have a kiddo actually question how fair it is (very rarely happens) I remind them that they get special toys/snacks/space etc. at home.
Providers son would have the new shiny and most coveted car putting him in a position of lording it over the other kids. Just not the position I would put my own kids in. I would just buy another car and it's for everyone. If I were a parent in this program, I would not be pleased either.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:52 PM
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I would. Why not? Its his home. He deserves a little privilege. The other kids will be okay.

As a parent (of a dck), I wouldn't feel the least bit upset about it. I think its silly to assume that when you sign your kid up in a home daycare that they will have all the same privileges as the providers own children.
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Old 05-30-2013, 08:56 PM
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I would. Why not? Its his home. He deserves a little privilege. The other kids will be okay.

As a parent (of a dck), I wouldn't feel the least bit upset about it. I think its silly to assume that when you sign your kid up in a home daycare that they will have all the same privileges as the providers own children.
This.
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Old 05-30-2013, 09:00 PM
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I wouldn't. I don't like the idea of making him be or feel privileged. What does that teach him?
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Providers son would have the new shiny and most coveted car putting him in a position of lording it over the other kids. Just not the position I would put my own kids in. I would just buy another car and it's for everyone. If I were a parent in this program, I would not be pleased either.
I don't see why a parent would have a problem with a provider's son having a toy that isn't used for daycare children. Would that mean that all the son's toys have to be shared? Does he have to nap on the floor with the rest of the kids or can he sleep in his own bed? It's not like she's buying it for one particular dck. It's her son and it is his house after all. He should be allowed to have things of his own that the other kids don't have access to. I even do this with my own two children. When my youngest ds got to the age where he really started playing with his big brother's toys I told my older ds that he was allowed to keep his "special" toys away from his brother and not have to share. These were toys that were the most precious to him. I am all for teaching about sharing but no one should have to share everything.

The only concession I would make in this situation is that he cannot brag or tease the other children about it being "only his." And I, as the provider, would explain to the children about having items that are "special" to us all and that there are times when it really is okay to not have to share everything.
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Old 05-30-2013, 10:11 PM
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Before I had my DC, my oldest DD got a trike for her birthday. Now my 2nd DD got a similar one for her birthday a few months ago. These are kept outside in the backyard (where we have a TON of other outside toys). I don't feel bad explaining that these are my DD's "special bikes", especially since I have so many other riding toys. It is still their own. Now, I also teach my girls about being polite (not bragging, ect) and I would take them away if they ever held it over anyone's head or so forth.
Your home day care is still your HOME, so I think it's reasonable to expect some personal things to overlap with DC things
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Old 05-31-2013, 03:51 AM
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Before I had my DC, my oldest DD got a trike for her birthday. Now my 2nd DD got a similar one for her birthday a few months ago. These are kept outside in the backyard (where we have a TON of other outside toys). I don't feel bad explaining that these are my DD's "special bikes", especially since I have so many other riding toys. It is still their own. Now, I also teach my girls about being polite (not bragging, ect) and I would take them away if they ever held it over anyone's head or so forth.
Your home day care is still your HOME, so I think it's reasonable to expect some personal things to overlap with DC things
This. My ds's have bikes. Even the older dck's do not get to ride them.

I always ask them, "What do you have at home that is special and you don't have to share?"

My daycare parents understand that this is my children's home and they share enough things as it is, their Mom, their things, every other toy, etc.

One of my dcp's even reminded dcg when picking up the other day "Dcg that is X's bike. If you want to ride your bike, you can when we go home. Even Mason (older brother) can't ride your bike. It is just YOURS."

Not everything in life will be fair, equal, be shared, those lessons come easier now when it's just a bike.
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Old 05-31-2013, 04:00 AM
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Providers son would have the new shiny and most coveted car putting him in a position of lording it over the other kids. Just not the position I would put my own kids in. I would just buy another car and it's for everyone. If I were a parent in this program, I would not be pleased either.
Sorry I see it as "Providers son has a new toy for his birthday. You have a toy to play with too! Let's all drive our cars to the moon!"

It is NONE of my daycare parents' business what toys my kids have and play with. I have never make a huge deal out of the fair thing so the daycare kids are perfectly happy with the toys I have available and the parents have never said a word. If they did, I would tell them to bring in Tommy's most precious specialest lightsaber and I would let 12 kids loose with it, maul it, treat it like crap since it isn't theirs, and then return the bits at closing. Their children have their special cool toys to play with whenever they are home. Mine get to have them too.

BTW- raise your kids NOT to tease or lord things over others. It will serve them well. Be matter of fact- "This is DS car. This is the daycare car. Where will you drive it? Yes, DS car is cool. Here is the daycare car. Where will you drive it? I understand you would like to play with DS car, Maybe you should put it on your B-day list. You MAY play with the daycare car. Where will you drive it?"

With my group a car is a car is a car. I get ALL of my toys from thrift and garage sales, 90% of the time they clamor over the old school 80's toys!
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Old 05-31-2013, 04:28 AM
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I don't see any problem with it at all. My kids had scooters that were their own and the dck's didn't ride them. Was never an issue.

A fun thing for the dck's do to is take some sidewalk chalk and decorate the outside of the cozy coupes. That makes them even more fun! My kids love to do that. They also love taking a spray bottle with water and a towel and cleaning them too after. Cheap fun!
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Old 05-31-2013, 04:51 AM
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I agree! My 2 dds have their own special toys that the dcks do not get to play with. Especially when they are brand new (birthdays, christmas...) but after a while when the newness wears off eventually they end up in the dc toy area and there are different new toys that are special to my kids. At some point every toy in the dc was one of my dds special toy.
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Old 05-31-2013, 05:43 AM
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but I can see it as a problem because what is going to happen when the other kids want to ride it, your ds is going to get mean about it. It will happen. Also, be prepared for your ds for holler "mine" all the time, its normal but this is what is going to happen.
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Old 05-31-2013, 05:48 AM
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but I can see it as a problem because what is going to happen when the other kids want to ride it, your ds is going to get mean about it. It will happen. Also, be prepared for your ds for holler "mine" all the time, its normal but this is what is going to happen.
Then that's an opportunity to teach them how to be nice about it. How else would he learn?

I would do it too. I'm in the camp of my children already have to share enough of their life as it is.
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Old 05-31-2013, 05:54 AM
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Yup! I agree, get him his own car for his bday. My kids all have their own space and toys that are separate from daycare toys. They do not have to share their special things. Whenever the topic has come up with daycare kids I always say "When you go home you have all your special toys that you do not share with our daycare. These are DS's special toys at his home that he does not have to share with our daycare." That sounds fair to me!

I might mention that our daycare has a whole room stocked with every toy and game you can imagine that the daycare kids have full access to. I don't feel bad in the least!
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Old 05-31-2013, 06:31 AM
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Not everything in life will be fair, equal, be shared, those lessons come easier now when it's just a bike.
This is a lesson that all kids really need to learn- very important in life! As long as you're teaching your child to be respectful and not brag/ hold it over anyone's head, they should be able to have their own special possessions in their own home, too! Hope you find a great one for him
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Old 05-31-2013, 06:31 AM
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I don't think it would be the end of the world if your son has his own Cozy Coupe.

I, however, would not do this. I don't allow the DCK's to bring their own toys to daycare, and I keep my son's own toys separate from daycare, too. First, I want him to feel that he has things that are solely his (it's bad enough that he has to share his mom and his house).

I, too, have 2 coupes and 3 kids. Anyone who starts a fight over them is not allowed to play with them for the rest of the day. There are no longer fights. I DO have a 3rd Coupe that belongs only to my son, and we keep that one indoors for him to play with off-hours. It's nice to have some inside ride ons for winter and rainy weekends, anyway!
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Old 05-31-2013, 06:54 AM
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I have always allowed special for my kids in my child care. This is their home, and their toys are their toys. I have also always let my kids have their toys be off-limits to daycare kids.

I see no problem with allowing your child to have his own cozy coupe. Fair doesn't always mean equal! As long as your son is nice about it, and knows how to be kind to the other children, I would absolutely buy him his own.
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Old 05-31-2013, 07:05 AM
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but I can see it as a problem because what is going to happen when the other kids want to ride it, your ds is going to get mean about it. It will happen. Also, be prepared for your ds for holler "mine" all the time, its normal but this is what is going to happen.
I disagree. My THREE older kids have their own bikes in the garage amongst the daycare bikes. We pull everything out and my kids grab their own bikes and the daycare kids know which others they can choose from. It has NEVER been an issue. I have never even had to explain "This is so and so's bike". And I dont see my kids having a "holier than thou" attitude. In fact, many times they offer their own bikes for the daycare kids to try and I let them decide when or if they would like to share.
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Old 05-31-2013, 07:10 AM
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I disagree. My THREE older kids have their own bikes in the garage amongst the daycare bikes. We pull everything out and my kids grab their own bikes and the daycare kids know which others they can choose from. It has NEVER been an issue. I have never even had to explain "This is so and so's bike". And I dont see my kids having a "holier than thou" attitude. In fact, many times they offer their own bikes for the daycare kids to try and I let them decide when or if they would like to share.
Exactly. Why would it be assumed that her son would be mean also? My kids never were made to share their own toys. If they chose to do so, which they did alot, that was their choice.

Another way to think about it. Is it reasonable to think that with some providers working 50+ hours a week that their own kids won't play with their own toys during that time? That is totally unfair to the providers own children. Oh here Johnny here's your own brand new cozy coupe, but you can't use it until after 5:30 in the evening. Same as alot here, I've never had a problem with my kids' toys.
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Old 05-31-2013, 07:43 AM
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I don't think it would be the end of the world if your son has his own Cozy Coupe.

I, however, would not do this. I don't allow the DCK's to bring their own toys to daycare, and I keep my son's own toys separate from daycare, too. First, I want him to feel that he has things that are solely his (it's bad enough that he has to share his mom and his house).

I, too, have 2 coupes and 3 kids. Anyone who starts a fight over them is not allowed to play with them for the rest of the day. There are no longer fights. I DO have a 3rd Coupe that belongs only to my son, and we keep that one indoors for him to play with off-hours. It's nice to have some inside ride ons for winter and rainy weekends, anyway!
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Old 05-31-2013, 08:35 AM
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I don't think it would be the end of the world if your son has his own Cozy Coupe.

I, however, would not do this. I don't allow the DCK's to bring their own toys to daycare, and I keep my son's own toys separate from daycare, too. First, I want him to feel that he has things that are solely his (it's bad enough that he has to share his mom and his house).

I, too, have 2 coupes and 3 kids. Anyone who starts a fight over them is not allowed to play with them for the rest of the day. There are no longer fights. I DO have a 3rd Coupe that belongs only to my son, and we keep that one indoors for him to play with off-hours. It's nice to have some inside ride ons for winter and rainy weekends, anyway!


My kids were mine but I expected them to behave and follow the same rules as the daycare kids during daycare hours.

I too, think it's fine that your DS has his own car that he does not have to share with the other kids but I wouldn't let him use it during daycare hours.

I know many of you have said you have done special for your own children because your daycare is their home etc.... but that is the exact reason why I left my care provider and enrolled my kids in a center (until I started my own daycare).

It might be your child's home but during daycare hours, it is a business.

That's MY personal opinion.
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Old 05-31-2013, 08:41 AM
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I personally do not force my children to share their private and personal toys and the DC kids are not allowed into my kids private space (their rooms) unless specifically invited to do so.

That being said, one of the main focuses of my daycare is to teach the DCK's manners, respect, valuing their friendships, cooperation and sharing etc. The DC toys are MY TOYS and I SHARE them with my own kids and with my DCK's. If my own kids don't want to share their toys during DC hours I'm okay with that BUT then that means that their toys stay away from the DC space (in their rooms/garage etc.).

I personally wouldn't buy an item for my own child to be used during DC and then not allow the DCK's to use it. For me it would go against the grain of what I teach to the kids here. Although my children are my children and I love them very much I try as much as possible not to show favoritism and I treat them the same as I would my DCK's. They follow the same rules and receive the same guidance and discipline. I can just imagine this creating conflict and possibly resentment towards my own child so I wouldn't do it. I also imagine the possibility of my own child feeling empowerment over the other children from being treated special.

In any case, it's what YOU feel like you should do. Not what we feel. Everyone has their style and opinion and for a decision like this it really should be up to you, not us. If you feel like making that purchase for your son, then go for it! Only you know your child, your group of DCK's and your DCP's. If you don't think that it will cause a problem then it shouldn't be a big deal.
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:07 AM
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I know many of you have said you have done special for your own children because your daycare is their home etc.... but that is the exact reason why I left my care provider and enrolled my kids in a center (until I started my own daycare).

It might be your child's home but during daycare hours, it is a business.

That's MY personal opinion.
This is how I feel. I had a daycare when my kids were small. My kids did share all of their toys and never minded. I never thought of doing it any other way. When she got one of those battery jeep things....yes, it was her toy.....but during daycare hours all kids got to use it and it was never an issue.
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:12 AM
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My kids were mine but I expected them to behave and follow the same rules as the daycare kids during daycare hours.

I too, think it's fine that your DS has his own car that he does not have to share with the other kids but I wouldn't let him use it during daycare hours.

I know many of you have said you have done special for your own children because your daycare is their home etc.... but that is the exact reason why I left my care provider and enrolled my kids in a center (until I started my own daycare).

It might be your child's home but during daycare hours, it is a business.

That's MY personal opinion.
I see your point of view and if I had a parent that felt that way, I wouldnt change anything, I would ask that they go find another daycare. No hard feelings with the parents, its just not how I do things. But I have been very fortunate, especially in the last two years, to work with parents that are respectful and accepting with how I run things. Its been a long time since I have heard any complaints about stuff like that. My kids will go out with their Dad to play and I dont shuttle them back in just because the daycare parents might see that my kids got sprinkler time while theirs were indoors coloring. My kids do have their own bikes and toys. Sometimes they will get to do little things that I dont allow with the daycare kids (like barefeet outside). If a daycare parent wants every child treated exactly the same at all times, this isnt the place for them. I have four of my own kids and its just not something I can promise. but I do try in general for everyone to have the same routine and opportunities. I dont think I have ever even heard my kids bragging or teasing about something they got. I have never had to address that sort of behavior because I just dont see it at all here. I would absolutely stop that if I ever did see it though!
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:18 AM
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I see your point of view and if I had a parent that felt that way, I wouldnt change anything, I would ask that they go find another daycare. No hard feelings with the parents, its just not how I do things. But I have been very fortunate, especially in the last two years, to work with parents that are respectful and accepting with how I run things. Its been a long time since I have heard any complaints about stuff like that. My kids will go out with their Dad to play and I dont shuttle them back in just because the daycare parents might see that my kids got sprinkler time while theirs were indoors coloring. My kids do have their own bikes and toys. Sometimes they will get to do little things that I dont allow with the daycare kids (like barefeet outside). If a daycare parent wants every child treated exactly the same at all times, this isnt the place for them. I have four of my own kids and its just not something I can promise. but I do try in general for everyone to have the same routine and opportunities. I dont think I have ever even heard my kids bragging or teasing about something they got. I have never had to address that sort of behavior because I just dont see it at all here. I would absolutely stop that if I ever did see it though!
LOL! See, you are giving your perspective as a provider.

That was my perspective as a parent.

Now, as a provider, I think I might have done the same thing and felt the same way BUT it was not something I had to see differently because of my specific situation (having a separate house for daycare) because when my kids were younger and weren't in school, they actually had to get up and leave their personal toys/belongings and come to "work" with me.

So I am not necessarily disagreeing, I am just thinking from a parent viewpoint but bottom line is this should all be discussed prior to enrollment and like you said, as ling as the parents are on the same page as you are about this, it's all good.

Different things work for different people.
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:19 AM
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Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
I personally do not force my children to share their private and personal toys and the DC kids are not allowed into my kids private space (their rooms) unless specifically invited to do so.

That being said, one of the main focuses of my daycare is to teach the DCK's manners, respect, valuing their friendships, cooperation and sharing etc. The DC toys are MY TOYS and I SHARE them with my own kids and with my DCK's. If my own kids don't want to share their toys during DC hours I'm okay with that BUT then that means that their toys stay away from the DC space (in their rooms/garage etc.).

I personally wouldn't buy an item for my own child to be used during DC and then not allow the DCK's to use it. For me it would go against the grain of what I teach to the kids here. Although my children are my children and I love them very much I try as much as possible not to show favoritism and I treat them the same as I would my DCK's. They follow the same rules and receive the same guidance and discipline. I can just imagine this creating conflict and possibly resentment towards my own child so I wouldn't do it. I also imagine the possibility of my own child feeling empowerment over the other children from being treated special.

In any case, it's what YOU feel like you should do. Not what we feel. Everyone has their style and opinion and for a decision like this it really should be up to you, not us. If you feel like making that purchase for your son, then go for it! Only you know your child, your group of DCK's and your DCP's. If you don't think that it will cause a problem then it shouldn't be a big deal.
good post! What works for one group may not work for another. It also helps for my particular situation that all the toys in my home, both daycare and personal, are all group toys. I have four young kids so everything I purchase is always with a group mindset. I dont have things like one awesome Barbie jeep. I would just buy a half dozen scooters in stead for example. Of the things that I do spend money on, there is always plenty to share because my own kids have to share all the time anyway.
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
LOL! See, you are giving your perspective as a provider.

That was my perspective as a parent.

Now, as a provider, I think I might have done the same thing and felt the same way BUT it was not something I had to see differently because of my specific situation (having a separate house for daycare) because when my kids were younger and weren't in school, they actually had to get up and leave their personal toys/belongings and come to "work" with me.

So I am not necessarily disagreeing, I am just thinking from a parent viewpoint but bottom line is this should all be discussed prior to enrollment and like you said, as ling as the parents are on the same page as you are about this, it's all good.

Different things work for different people.
yes thats a good point. I do understand why some parents would have an issue with it, I just wouldnt change anything as a provider. I cant please every parent out there so I just do what works for me and either the parents can roll with that or they cant. There are plenty of choices out there for daycare and like you said, as long as everyone is upfront with expectations and boundaries, its not normally a problem.
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:33 AM
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My kids were mine but I expected them to behave and follow the same rules as the daycare kids during daycare hours.

I too, think it's fine that your DS has his own car that he does not have to share with the other kids but I wouldn't let him use it during daycare hours.

I know many of you have said you have done special for your own children because your daycare is their home etc.... but that is the exact reason why I left my care provider and enrolled my kids in a center (until I started my own daycare).

It might be your child's home but during daycare hours, it is a business.

That's MY personal opinion.


When I first read the OP, I'll admit I cringed a bit and thought "I wouldn't do that" But then I remembered my own kids have their bikes that are not for dc use. However my own kids are in school and not dc age, and the kids couldn't physically ride their bikes (2 wheelers) anyway. When they were dc age, I did as other posters and they had their toys in their room or the basement family room and they could decide if they wanted to share (or not) but they were not going to bring out a toy that only they could play with. I wouldn't allow the dc kids to do that either...
I know the beauty of this business is that we can run things as we see fit, but one of the main reasons parents choose centers over in homes is because of perceived favoritism for the providers own children.
I guess I would either buy a new/used coupe for the group or do as another poster and ban anyone who is arguing over it from using it that day. That should leave the door open for at least one child to get to use them
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:11 PM
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To clarify, my son is just turning 2--the other kids in care are more than TWICE his age. They don't/won't/can't play nice with him. They don't tolerate him. And BOTH older boys have been caught sneaking down the hall and playing in his room because "It's not fair that [DS] doesn't have to share his toys!"

I use the line about them not having to share THEIR toys at home with HIM, but they just sort of...blink at me. It doesn't really seem to compute.

So the only thing that has worked to quell the issues between DS and these boys is to declare that there are things that are DS's and while the others can play with it if he isn't...if he gets upset or asks for it back they are to relinquish it instantly. things like his favorite ball of the week, or precious dinosaur, or a particular truck.

This is the only thing that I have found that has quelled DS's increasing aggression. And the only thing I have found that gets the older boys off of DS's back.
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Old 05-31-2013, 01:16 PM
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Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.
I don't want you to go to that grumpy space! You and your children can have nice stuff ~ you just need to figure out what the limits will be with the daycare kids. I am sorry you are torn, but you will figure out what is best for you!
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:18 PM
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I'd treat it like this:

If DCK's are allowed to bring their personal belongings and do not have to share them, then I would treat my own child the same.

If DCK's are NOT allowed to bring personal belongings from home, I would treat my own child as if HE were at daycare, not at home, and not allow him to bring his personal belongings out around DCK.

I look at it like, if I were working outside of my home and my child was in daycare, he would be treated the same as all of the other dck. It should be the same at his own home. He can be "home" after hours, just like the dck.

I'd also consider how every other child felt, not just my own. If my child were in daycare and I found out that other children were receiving special privileges and mine was excluded from that, I would be downright livid, and I think most here, (even those who claim otherwise) would feel the exact same way. IMO- there should be NO double standards.
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.
I see your point, but why can't your child have nice things AFTER the other children have left? It would be the same if he were in daycare elsewhere. He'd go to daycare, play with daycare toys, then come home and play with his own toys. Just like you DCK do.

As far as the other children being mean to him, I'd put a stop to that immediately. They'd lose every privilege that they overstepped boundaries on....even if that ended up being everything by the end of the day. They'd be informed that it would not be tolerated for one second, just as you would not tolerate anyone being mean to them. My son's toys would be strictly available to him only, but in his room only, which is where he would have to go if he wanted to play with them during daycare hours. I'd put up a gate to the hallway that leads to his room to keep the other kids away from his room.
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Old 05-31-2013, 02:32 PM
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Well one thing is for sure....he has a LOT of toys all to himself once the daycare kids leave!

Somehow along the way we've developed a story about my house. During the day it's a daycare and has lots of kids things in it. When the last kid of the day leaves it turns into my REALLY nice house. In the playroom a hot tub comes out of the floor and I get in it every single night. All toys go away. The kids ask lots of questions.....does the TV go away????? I say NO! We watch it! It's been a really fun story. I guess it's like that for your son (OP)....during the day it's daycare and then when all those kids leave.....it's his home all to himself with only his family.
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Old 05-31-2013, 03:00 PM
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I think this whole thread is probably one of the main reasons I am packing it in this year. I have never been great at treating my own kids like the other daycare kids. My daycare is in our basement, and that is an area where everyone can access everything ~ no special, including my own kids. Over the years, though, I have found it harder and harder to limit my own kids from accessing their own stuff. This is their home, and the line became fuzzy. all of my upstairs rooms are off limits to the DCKs and their families...but it still got tricky.

Recently, I was directing my son ( he is 2.5) to help clean up the toys with the dcks. He was refusing, and being pretty defiant. I told him that next year, when he goes to preschool, his teachers will need him to help clean. He looked me right in the face and said, "Mama, I clean up preschool. This is my home not my school." Trust me, he then was informed he must clean up his home as well....but it did show me that it was really time to be done. We need this to be our home again, without the daycare part.
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Old 05-31-2013, 03:06 PM
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I think this whole thread is probably one of the main reasons I am packing it in this year. I have never been great at treating my own kids like the other daycare kids. My daycare is in our basement, and that is an area where everyone can access everything ~ no special, including my own kids. Over the years, though, I have found it harder and harder to limit my own kids from accessing their own stuff. This is their home, and the line became fuzzy. all of my upstairs rooms are off limits to the DCKs and their families...but it still got tricky.

Recently, I was directing my son ( he is 2.5) to help clean up the toys with the dcks. He was refusing, and being pretty defiant. I told him that next year, when he goes to preschool, his teachers will need him to help clean. He looked me right in the face and said, "Mama, I clean up preschool. This is my home not my school." Trust me, he then was informed he must clean up his home as well....but it did show me that it was really time to be done. We need this to be our home again, without the daycare part.
That's why it's important for my kids to understand this is their home and their stuff is their stuff.

I have no problem with x things not being daycare things. I've never had a parent complain. I've never had a child complain.

I agree its an excellent learning experience for both your kids and the dck to learn that x things are NOT daycare things. And for your son, op, to understand that too.

It's not complicated for me. Look at it like this. Regardless of daycare, your kids are your priority. It's too easy now a days to coddle and be fair. Life isn't fair. And like others said, your idea of fair will never be the same as a kids idea of fair anyway.

Get your little one the coup. Maybe look around for another used coup so all three can have a car. And teach all of them some very valuable life lessons.
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Old 05-31-2013, 03:11 PM
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I'd do it.

In the grand scheme of life I'd rather end up with a couple of irked parents than have my child resent their raising in the midst of my career choice.

In every home you go to children have special toys of their own. If I were to visit a daycare family's home I would never expect their children to share EVERYTHING they have with my kids either.

Why would that or should that not go both ways?

Heck, even within daycare groups certain toys are off limits to others....toddlers can't play with mini Lego sets and you don't let older children gum on the baby toys right? Kids bring lovies in for naptimes and they're not expected to share those with the group too.

Not having everything you want or having everything everyone else has is simply a part of life. Although I make it a point to be fair to an extent fact is my children are not daycare children and there are different "perks" and cons that go along with being in their shoes. It's impossible to put everyone on the same playing field and I don't believe it's reasonable to push for 100%
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Old 05-31-2013, 03:16 PM
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I'd start watching garage sales for trikes or bikes because at 4 and 5 they're getting way too old for CC's anyway
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Old 05-31-2013, 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by when is naptime? View Post
When my kids were little, they did have their own non-shared toys, but they couldn't bring them into the playroom and play with them in front of the other kids.

I'm not sure I'd get a cozy coupe that didn't have to be shared, but that's just me.
I agree. I've always treated my dc kids as though they were my own when they are with me. I wouldn't want to so obviously exclude them from using a new toy. I just couldn't do that to them.

I wouldn't have a problem buying my child his own Cozy Coupe but I'd have him use it after the others went home. Until then, he'd use the 2 cars the other's were using and they'd all just have to take turns.

On a side note, I have a whole fleet of Cozy Coupes. My husband found many of them for cheap at yard sales/flea markets. The kids have their favorites that they still fight over but I always direct them to another car until the favorite ones are available.
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Old 05-31-2013, 09:15 PM
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Aww, hearing how the others treat him makes ME want to buy him his own coupe Good luck in your decision!
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Old 06-01-2013, 03:06 AM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
To clarify, my son is just turning 2--the other kids in care are more than TWICE his age. They don't/won't/can't play nice with him. They don't tolerate him. And BOTH older boys have been caught sneaking down the hall and playing in his room because "It's not fair that [DS] doesn't have to share his toys!"

I use the line about them not having to share THEIR toys at home with HIM, but they just sort of...blink at me. It doesn't really seem to compute.

So the only thing that has worked to quell the issues between DS and these boys is to declare that there are things that are DS's and while the others can play with it if he isn't...if he gets upset or asks for it back they are to relinquish it instantly. things like his favorite ball of the week, or precious dinosaur, or a particular truck.

This is the only thing that I have found that has quelled DS's increasing aggression. And the only thing I have found that gets the older boys off of DS's back.
So, how does giving your son exclusive toys help the daycare boys to want to "play nice" with him? Seems like a different strategy could help the boys play nice....or nicer. Why can't you just buy another cozy car that is for the whole group to avoid resentment? Play games that are for 3 or more. Praise the dc boys when they are playing nice. Enroll a child closer to his age? It just seems to me that your strategy could make things worse. It sets him further apart from the boys...versus solving the underlying problem.
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Old 06-01-2013, 09:34 AM
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Well the problem took care of itself. Found one of these:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...GL._SX385_.jpg

at Once Upon a Child today. It's legitimately too small for the older boys to play with. There is NO negotiation on this one! The Cozy Coupe I wanted wasn't available in the stores, so I'll shoot for that at Christmas, when one problem boy will be gone and the other will be 5.

I just hope now that no one says I should have gotten something that everyone can play with, just because the other kids will be sad that they don't have something new for them.

re: MissAnn
Giving him those toys that are HIS helps with boundaries for HIM--he knows that he doesn't have to fight for the "resource" essentially, and makes him less likely to walk over to the other kids and snatch/hit/push/bite. He can be more easily redirected "Jimmy is using that dino, but here's YOUR brachiosaurus you can use!" Somehow, it's working for him. AND--he's voluntarily "invented" the idea of trading. Just this past week he has started trying to trade his special thing for the thing in the other boy's hand.

I'm keeping an eye out for a third Cozy Coupe, but I refuse to buy my son a birthday present that he has to turn around and let everyone else share the very next day...he doesn't understand yet. he's TWO. Even my 5.5 year old wouldn't be happy about having to immediately share an exciting new toy of her own.

We've had problems in the past with one of the older boys thinking that all the birthday presents DD got were actually his. It broke her heart and she never did play with a few of the things that he tried to claim...

Enrolling new kids is not that simple around here and I haven't had an inquiry for a toddler in over a year. I'm also full right now, won't have space until the fall.

He's already apart from the older boys. He basically never gets to play anywhere or with anyone but me...because they push him away, and because I can't trust him (due to the aforementioned hitting/biting/snatching behaviors).

Re: Willow
I will keep that in mind...though neither boy is interested in the trike and the scooter that we also have. Trust me, the cars are NOT the only ride on outdoor toys! Just the ones that my very argumentative boys argue over.

Re:Crystal
I see your points, I really do. It's why I asked here I needed other perspectives.

I have been fighting for, oh, 6-9 months, to get these boys to play nice with my toddler. My toddler is VERY rough, aggressive, and rambunctious and I can't figure out how to teach him any differently. I am beginning to think that a big part of our problem is just simple personality conflicts. I'm not sure the personalities would ever get along together, even without the two year age (and maturity! such as it is ) gap.

The kicker is that I can't just...let them go...and get new clients. There just aren't new clients to be had easily, and if I don't have both of them we don't pay bills, and we're already on the edge of survival financially, so I do what I can every day to protect all of them...physically and emotionally. It's not an easy situation, and it's definitely a large part of why I live my life in a high-stress state.
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Old 06-01-2013, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Well the problem took care of itself. Found one of these:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...GL._SX385_.jpg

at Once Upon a Child today. It's legitimately too small for the older boys to play with. There is NO negotiation on this one! The Cozy Coupe I wanted wasn't available in the stores, so I'll shoot for that at Christmas, when one problem boy will be gone and the other will be 5.

I just hope now that no one says I should have gotten something that everyone can play with, just because the other kids will be sad that they don't have something new for them.

re: MissAnn
Giving him those toys that are HIS helps with boundaries for HIM--he knows that he doesn't have to fight for the "resource" essentially, and makes him less likely to walk over to the other kids and snatch/hit/push/bite. He can be more easily redirected "Jimmy is using that dino, but here's YOUR brachiosaurus you can use!" Somehow, it's working for him. AND--he's voluntarily "invented" the idea of trading. Just this past week he has started trying to trade his special thing for the thing in the other boy's hand.

I'm keeping an eye out for a third Cozy Coupe, but I refuse to buy my son a birthday present that he has to turn around and let everyone else share the very next day...he doesn't understand yet. he's TWO. Even my 5.5 year old wouldn't be happy about having to immediately share an exciting new toy of her own.

We've had problems in the past with one of the older boys thinking that all the birthday presents DD got were actually his. It broke her heart and she never did play with a few of the things that he tried to claim...

Enrolling new kids is not that simple around here and I haven't had an inquiry for a toddler in over a year. I'm also full right now, won't have space until the fall.

He's already apart from the older boys. He basically never gets to play anywhere or with anyone but me...because they push him away, and because I can't trust him (due to the aforementioned hitting/biting/snatching behaviors).

Re: Willow
I will keep that in mind...though neither boy is interested in the trike and the scooter that we also have. Trust me, the cars are NOT the only ride on outdoor toys! Just the ones that my very argumentative boys argue over.

Re:Crystal
I see your points, I really do. It's why I asked here I needed other perspectives.

I have been fighting for, oh, 6-9 months, to get these boys to play nice with my toddler. My toddler is VERY rough, aggressive, and rambunctious and I can't figure out how to teach him any differently. I am beginning to think that a big part of our problem is just simple personality conflicts. I'm not sure the personalities would ever get along together, even without the two year age (and maturity! such as it is ) gap.

The kicker is that I can't just...let them go...and get new clients. There just aren't new clients to be had easily, and if I don't have both of them we don't pay bills, and we're already on the edge of survival financially, so I do what I can every day to protect all of them...physically and emotionally. It's not an easy situation, and it's definitely a large part of why I live my life in a high-stress state.


I completely agree with everything you have said.

Like you said, regardless of what the birthday present is, it's NOT FAIR to him to ask him to share a new birthday present.

When holidays come around, and my kids get new, I ask them to pick X things of their older room toys to donate to the daycare. Is stuff they rarely play with, but the daycare kids feel like they got new toys too.

It works great for us.
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Old 06-01-2013, 10:05 AM
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Awesome find! I love that!!!
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Old 06-01-2013, 10:27 AM
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That is an awesome ride on toy. I hope your son loves it. I know he will!
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Old 06-01-2013, 11:10 AM
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I'm sure your son will love the toy. Nice find.

I'm sure the 4 year olds have toys at your house that your young son can't or isn't allowed to play with. (I'm thinking toys with chokable pieces.)
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Old 06-01-2013, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
Thank you for all of the (respectful!) input ladies. I appreciate it and it has given me a lot to think about.

I can see both sides of the issue of the provider's kids getting special, but I can also put myself in DS's little toddler shoes and see it from his side, and I can see it from a couple other sides as well. It's complicated being inside my head.

And I'm no closer to a decision than I was before. And I'm grumpily edging towards a space of feeling like I can't ever have anything nice for my own kids because of the daycare. Which is a sad place to be in...for me and for them. DD is easy at least. The boys aren't interested in her stuff and she's older now. But DS is harder because the older boys insist on being nasty to him and his toys are so enticing to them.
Hey, I wouldn't let the business aspect factor in, to be honest. This is your kid, and this is his birthday. What does he want? If the cozy coupe is what he would really want, then I would get it. You might have to guess and test things to see how this special toy fits into the daycare, but I don't let the daycare run my life. I am running a daycare at home FOR my kids. They deserve me at home. I plan fun activities with THEM in mind. All of the other kids that are in my home are present for it all, and I really do care for them and give them a great time here, but they are not my kids and I would never let what a client would think change what I would get for my kid for his birthday. Nor would I let a client dictate what toys can and should be shared with their children.

I would never let my kid feel like his needs factor in as "less than" my business. He is not, and showing him that does not imply favoritism, in my opinion. Quite frankly, I deal with the outcomes of what happens when parents prioritize their work, their "me time" over their children, and I have not made that choice, so I refuse to let my kids feel that way. Giving him the rights he would have in his home, the same as everyone else when they get home to their own toys is equal treatment, in my opinion. Giving him a birthday gift he would really like and enjoy is my right and joy as a PARENT, so I would take my provider hat off when I am making this decision.
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Old 06-01-2013, 04:22 PM
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julie julie is offline
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And...apparently I didn't read all the comments! Glad you found an awesome ride on for your kid! I hope he really enjoys it!!
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:22 AM
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Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
To clarify, my son is just turning 2--the other kids in care are more than TWICE his age. They don't/won't/can't play nice with him. They don't tolerate him. And BOTH older boys have been caught sneaking down the hall and playing in his room because "It's not fair that [DS] doesn't have to share his toys!"

I use the line about them not having to share THEIR toys at home with HIM, but they just sort of...blink at me. It doesn't really seem to compute.

So the only thing that has worked to quell the issues between DS and these boys is to declare that there are things that are DS's and while the others can play with it if he isn't...if he gets upset or asks for it back they are to relinquish it instantly. things like his favorite ball of the week, or precious dinosaur, or a particular truck.

This is the only thing that I have found that has quelled DS's increasing aggression. And the only thing I have found that gets the older boys off of DS's back.
I feel your child's space is your child's space. Daycare space is the space allowed for the kids. If I were you.......lol........my son's room would be off limits to the daycare kids and I would be upset for them to go in there if they knew it was a NO NO If your child chooses to bring something out during daycare hours to play then it should be shared.

It is in general not nice to sit in front of someone else with something that they can't be involved in too. In general. Kind of taunting.

Food is a big thing for me. I feel it is rude to eat in front of someone else with out offering to share. If my kids want special snack they have to do it out of site of the other kids or have what the other kids are having. I know how I felt when on the playground this one kid had the best snack and would always want me to share mine but then would not share or sit in delight eating it while I had none and also know that my parent would not send me to school with pringles,or give me just one and tell me to make it last. I try to treat everyone as fair as possible. Special comes after work and then my kids get to do stuff they don't when daycare is going.
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
I see your point, but why can't your child have nice things AFTER the other children have left? It would be the same if he were in daycare elsewhere. He'd go to daycare, play with daycare toys, then come home and play with his own toys. Just like you DCK do.

As far as the other children being mean to him, I'd put a stop to that immediately. They'd lose every privilege that they overstepped boundaries on....even if that ended up being everything by the end of the day. They'd be informed that it would not be tolerated for one second, just as you would not tolerate anyone being mean to them. My son's toys would be strictly available to him only, but in his room only, which is where he would have to go if he wanted to play with them during daycare hours. I'd put up a gate to the hallway that leads to his room to keep the other kids away from his room.
and the post before I knew if I just waited and read on I wouldn't have to exercise my digits. lol
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:34 AM
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Not saying it is wrong, just not the approach I take. All items out during daycare time are deemed "ours for sharing." There is no "mine." If the item is not for sharing then in remains out of the daycare space during daycare hours.
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Old 06-03-2013, 12:18 PM
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I'm so glad you found something, I hope he loves it and the other boys leave him alone to enjoy it!!!
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