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  #1  
Old 08-01-2013, 08:13 AM
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Default Am I taking it the wrong way or should I say something

I have a family that is still some what new. I recently had to charge them a late fee for not paying on time. DCP were really angry about it.

After talking with the DCM in person, she has since apologized and things have gone on as normal.

The DCD drops off sometimes too as well as picks up. He is not the most sociable guy, but was always very nice.

I never talked face to face with DCD about the late fee and you can tell that he is holding a grudge towards me about it. It was charged last week and since then, he has not said 1 word to me. I on the other hand have carried on like I always do, tell them about the kids day, anything important type stuff, dad won't even look at me.

Well this morning, I asked dcd if the kids were still going to get picked up early today. He won't even look at me, does not answer my question. He takes off his daughters shoes, signs her in and leaves.

I am soooo sick of the childish games, I refuse to play them. I just don't know if I am reading into too much or if I need to say something.

what would you do here??
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:20 AM
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I had a dcd similar to that once. Everything was fine otherwise but I just could not work with the dcd. I ended up asking the dcd if we could talk and he proceeded to tell me how much they appreciated me, he would never want his kids to go anywhere else, etc.

The kudos were nice but in the end I termed months later anyway. I really just could not play dcds games.

Next time you see him I would just say "Listen, I am caring for your kids and because of that we need to be able to communicate. Can we (you) put aside any issues for the sake of the kids?"
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:23 AM
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I wouldn't stand for that at all. I'd ask him point blank if he has an issue with me. I would tell him, just as I would a child, that it is rude and disrespectful to not respond when he is spoken to. I would then tell him I will not tolerate being disrespected in my own home and that if the behavior continues, he would no longer be welcome in my home. He can interpret that in any way he chooses.
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:26 AM
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unless he has a hearing issue this would really be a problem to me, I would probably say something to dcm about it let her know that the tension is unnecessary she would probably know how to better approach him about it than you. If things didn't change quick I would term. There is no way I would be treated like this in my own home. I get mad if I say good morning and the parent says absolutely nothing, a little respect is required here.
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:28 AM
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I wouldn't stand for that at all. I'd ask him point blank if he has an issue with me. I would tell him, just as I would a child, that it is rude and disrespectful to not respond when he is spoken to. I would then tell him I will not tolerate being disrespected in my own home and that if the behavior continues, he would no longer be welcome in my home. He can interpret that in any way he chooses.
THIS!...a thousand fold!!

Don't EVER let somebody treat you with that much disrespect in your own home. Hugs to you...nobody should be treated that way.
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:33 AM
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I wouldn't stand for that at all. I'd ask him point blank if he has an issue with me. I would tell him, just as I would a child, that it is rude and disrespectful to not respond when he is spoken to. I would then tell him I will not tolerate being disrespected in my own home and that if the behavior continues, he would no longer be welcome in my home. He can interpret that in any way he chooses.

+1

How childish on the dad's part...
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:36 AM
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so of course my husband who works with me says that I am reading into it too much and that I should just keep being me. He said, if you say something you may be starting something else.....

UGH....
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:40 AM
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I agree with CRYSTAL.

That dad needs to grow up or ship out.
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:44 AM
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so of course my husband who works with me says that I am reading into it too much and that I should just keep being me. He said, if you say something you may be starting something else.....

UGH....
Your DH doesn't like to rock the boat very often does he?

My sister is like that...she hates making waves so she deals with lots of situations she shouldn't have to....

I understand your DH thoughts but tell him he is wrong in this case

....the ONLY way you can be successful in this business is if you ARE willing to speak up when things aren't right.

That's both the beauty and ugly side of being self employed. YOU, yourself have to do a lot of "people mananging" because we aren't working for someone else where they just send HR people to fix this stuff.
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:50 AM
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so of course my husband who works with me says that I am reading into it too much and that I should just keep being me. He said, if you say something you may be starting something else.....

UGH....
My husband (who works with me) was livid when he heard this. He says no husband should ever let his wife be treated with that much disrespect. He would have thrown the guy out on the spot and told him to never come back.

But that would have been after I'd already told the jerk to get out of my house!
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Old 08-01-2013, 08:59 AM
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My husband (who works with me) was livid when he heard this. He says no husband should ever let his wife be treated with that much disrespect. He would have thrown the guy out on the spot and told him to never come back.

But that would have been after I'd already told the jerk to get out of my house!
Heck yeah. My dh would say the same!
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:08 AM
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Heck yeah. My dh would say the same!
Mine too.
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:09 AM
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Daycare, I'd love to be able to come and be your assistant for a week. I'd whip all of your families into shape real quick.
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:14 AM
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I have a family that is still some what new. I recently had to charge them a late fee for not paying on time. DCP were really angry about it.

After talking with the DCM in person, she has since apologized and things have gone on as normal.

The DCD drops off sometimes too as well as picks up. He is not the most sociable guy, but was always very nice.

I never talked face to face with DCD about the late fee and you can tell that he is holding a grudge towards me about it. It was charged last week and since then, he has not said 1 word to me. I on the other hand have carried on like I always do, tell them about the kids day, anything important type stuff, dad won't even look at me.

Well this morning, I asked dcd if the kids were still going to get picked up early today. He won't even look at me, does not answer my question. He takes off his daughters shoes, signs her in and leaves.

I am soooo sick of the childish games, I refuse to play them. I just don't know if I am reading into too much or if I need to say something.

what would you do here??
I think I would have repeated the question in case he did not hear you. If he still did not answer then I would say "I asked you about the children's pick up time and I need an answer so I know what time to have them ready. Can you answer me please?" If he ignored me and started to leave, I'm not quite sure what I would say then, but I'd be tempted to say "You need to go to time out mister!" Oh sorry, I couldn't help myself.

I guess then I'd just talk to the mom and ask her if she knew what was bugging him.

Laurel
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:26 AM
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Daycare, I'd love to be able to come and be your assistant for a week. I'd whip all of your families into shape real quick.
lol....my asst tells me daily....I bite my tongue soooo much...
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:32 AM
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I don't think I could continue to provide service for an adult who decides not to engage in typical polite conversation nor answer my questions. If he is not capable of saying good morning or answering your direct questions then they should move on to a provider they can be polite and respectful to. I would not accept this behaviour from a child. I sure will not tolerate it from an adult. What a wonderful example he is setting for the children in your care.
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:56 AM
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Say something.

You have to clear the air or it will drive you nuts.

I wouldn't even be aggressive about it, just very forward.

"Is there a problem you'd like to discuss?"

Clearly communication, respect and trust at at the heart of our relationship.
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Old 08-01-2013, 09:56 AM
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I have a family that is still some what new. I recently had to charge them a late fee for not paying on time. DCP were really angry about it.

After talking with the DCM in person, she has since apologized and things have gone on as normal.

The DCD drops off sometimes too as well as picks up. He is not the most sociable guy, but was always very nice.

I never talked face to face with DCD about the late fee and you can tell that he is holding a grudge towards me about it. It was charged last week and since then, he has not said 1 word to me. I on the other hand have carried on like I always do, tell them about the kids day, anything important type stuff, dad won't even look at me.

Well this morning, I asked dcd if the kids were still going to get picked up early today. He won't even look at me, does not answer my question. He takes off his daughters shoes, signs her in and leaves.

I am soooo sick of the childish games, I refuse to play them. I just don't know if I am reading into too much or if I need to say something.

what would you do here??


Terminate, effective immediately. My business is looking after children - not looking after adults who ACT LIKE children.
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  #19  
Old 08-01-2013, 10:08 AM
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I would have immediately said, "I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me. ARE THE KIDS GOING TO BE PICKED UP EARLY TODAY? "

It'd be really hard to ignore me and I won't be ignored by a child OR an adult. Ever.
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Old 08-01-2013, 11:12 AM
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How rude and childish! I'm like you, I probably wouldn't have said anything, but it would have been brewing in my mind all day! I think that if it happened again that I would have to say something though.

My dh would be livid if a parent treated me like that. I do not think that you are taking it the wrong way at all! Sorry he was so rude to you!
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Old 08-02-2013, 07:52 AM
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Totally agree with Crystal. Don't stand for that kind of treatment! I wouldn't let this behavior continue for one more minute. Either he stops acting like a child or they're out!
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Old 08-02-2013, 07:58 AM
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No it's not you. I'm a nice person, so much so that I tend to be walked on a lot. But I'm getting better I would ask him first "is there something the matter, you haven't been yourself lately?" Then go from there.

Good luck!
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:06 AM
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update.......

don't be mad at me, but I took my husbands advice. I didn't say anything. At pick up DCD came. I of course thought here we go again.

well guess I was reading in to it a little too much. When he arrived, DCKs was happy to see him and I told DCD all about their day. DCD was quiet at first and didn't say to much (which is the norm) then said, glad to see them doing so well here. Things have been crazy at home and my head has been spinning. At least we know the kids are still in a good routine and still have it together.

I sigh relief......then say, yes, the DCK are doing great. Happy to see you in a good mood........

He replies, why, was I in a bad mood before????


Seriously !!!! I wanted to say something like why have you been ignoring me for the last few days????

this family has only been with me a few months. I don't see dad that often and don't really know him well. My husband pointed all of this out to me. He told me to try to be open to accepting that he just might be a very antisocial person.

I still feel like I was some what right though and I was so ANGRY that DCD was not answering my questions.......who knows, maybe he is hard of hearing........

Well today is friday and I have had a pretty crappy week. NOTHING is going to go wrong today. I am making today a NO pissing off ME day......
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:23 AM
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Glad it worked out.

In regards to him possibly being antisocial.....okay, I get that some people truly are. But, that does not excuse him not answering direct questions regarding the care of his children. Next time, (and there will likely be a next time) please hold him accountable.

Have a fabulous day lady, you deserve one!
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:43 AM
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I'm glad everything is better with dcd! When I read this thread, I thought, "Why would this guy act like this!?!?"

My dh is hard of hearing and often doesn't hear a dcp say something. He is in his own little world and I often need to repeat what they just said, because I know he isn't ignoring them...he truly doesn't realize they are talking to him. He has hearing aids now, but with the noise level here during the day, he avoids wearing them until dcks leave!

I've had dcd's that barely speak a word and it can be awkward at times. This dcd seems to definitely be lacking in social skills!

Have a great day! It's Friday!
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Old 08-02-2013, 08:48 AM
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update.......

don't be mad at me, but I took my husbands advice. I didn't say anything. At pick up DCD came. I of course thought here we go again.

well guess I was reading in to it a little too much. When he arrived, DCKs was happy to see him and I told DCD all about their day. DCD was quiet at first and didn't say to much (which is the norm) then said, glad to see them doing so well here. Things have been crazy at home and my head has been spinning. At least we know the kids are still in a good routine and still have it together.

I sigh relief......then say, yes, the DCK are doing great. Happy to see you in a good mood........

He replies, why, was I in a bad mood before????


Seriously !!!! I wanted to say something like why have you been ignoring me for the last few days????

this family has only been with me a few months. I don't see dad that often and don't really know him well. My husband pointed all of this out to me. He told me to try to be open to accepting that he just might be a very antisocial person.

I still feel like I was some what right though and I was so ANGRY that DCD was not answering my questions.......who knows, maybe he is hard of hearing........

Well today is friday and I have had a pretty crappy week. NOTHING is going to go wrong today. I am making today a NO pissing off ME day......
I have a dad that is weird socially. Sometimes he is fine and other times he is really quiet and appears stand offish... It's just him- I smile and chatter either way . I think that the timing was bad with the late payment fee and them being new.
I would have repeated the question tho until he answered!
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Old 08-02-2013, 09:56 AM
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update.......

don't be mad at me, but I took my husbands advice. I didn't say anything. At pick up DCD came. I of course thought here we go again.

well guess I was reading in to it a little too much. When he arrived, DCKs was happy to see him and I told DCD all about their day. DCD was quiet at first and didn't say to much (which is the norm) then said, glad to see them doing so well here. Things have been crazy at home and my head has been spinning. At least we know the kids are still in a good routine and still have it together.

I sigh relief......then say, yes, the DCK are doing great. Happy to see you in a good mood........

He replies, why, was I in a bad mood before????


Seriously !!!! I wanted to say something like why have you been ignoring me for the last few days????

this family has only been with me a few months. I don't see dad that often and don't really know him well. My husband pointed all of this out to me. He told me to try to be open to accepting that he just might be a very antisocial person.

I still feel like I was some what right though and I was so ANGRY that DCD was not answering my questions.......who knows, maybe he is hard of hearing........

Well today is friday and I have had a pretty crappy week. NOTHING is going to go wrong today. I am making today a NO pissing off ME day......
Don't doubt yourself! Yes, possibly he had a problem with hearing or whatever but most probably he didn't. He probably was just acting like a little kid and was mad for a while but finally got over it. If that is the case, it will probably happen again so you'll find out eventually.

My daughter has an ex and also dated another guy in the past without social skills. He had a past that was largely responsible for his ineptness but still he could do certain things when 'he' wanted to and she was sticking up for him at one point. After I gave her a talking to she told him that when a little boy looks up at him and says HI he had better darn well say HI back to him. Yea her!

I swear this little guy kept saying hi to him (and he is a family member) and he didn't say Hi back because he didn't feel like it? I don't think so!!!! If this dad can be pleasant now he could have been pleasant before.

Laurel
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:09 AM
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Glad it worked out.

In regards to him possibly being antisocial.....okay, I get that some people truly are. But, that does not excuse him not answering direct questions regarding the care of his children. Next time, (and there will likely be a next time) please hold him accountable.

Have a fabulous day lady, you deserve one!
Absolutely this! ^^^

Socially awkward is one thing, but ignoring people is another. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but PLEASE don't let him ever do it again. Just because he doesn't want to make chatty conversation doesn't stop him from saying yes or no to a question.
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:17 AM
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Absolutely this! ^^^

Socially awkward is one thing, but ignoring people is another. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but PLEASE don't let him ever do it again. Just because he doesn't want to make chatty conversation doesn't stop him from saying yes or no to a question.
I just talked to my husband about everything posted here and he said he kind of feels like an a$$. He said he was sorry that he didn't see it that way and that although he was some what right. He didn't see it happen first hand, only from across the room. He said that if he sees it happen or hears about it again that he will say something to this DCD. He said he felt bad that I was feeling disrespected and didn't jump in.

Trust me, I won't let this slide again.....next time they will be packing bags
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:19 AM
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I just talked to my husband about everything posted here and he said he kind of feels like an a$$. He said he was sorry that he didn't see it that way and that although he was some what right. He didn't see it happen first hand, only from across the room. He said that if he sees it happen or hears about it again that he will say something to this DCD. He said he felt bad that I was feeling disrespected and didn't jump in.

Trust me, I won't let this slide again.....next time they will be packing bags
Atta girl!!
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:27 AM
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I would have immediately said, "I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me. ARE THE KIDS GOING TO BE PICKED UP EARLY TODAY? "

It'd be really hard to ignore me and I won't be ignored by a child OR an adult. Ever.
I would do this, too. After he answered me, because I would seriously repeat myself until he did. I would ask him point blank if he had any issues he would like to discuss. If he said no, then I would say "GREAT!" and if he wanted to talk about the late fee issue, then I would talk about it, but I would make it clear that he needs to be able to communicate with me.
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