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  #1  
Old 11-20-2013, 04:38 PM
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Default DBF Made A Comment About Grocery Bill...

The other night dbf and I were having a money argument (are there other kinds?) and I made a comment about how I've carried this month in groceries. He apparently doesn't see himself as a part of this family unit because he complained that all the money goes to me and DD and feeding the DCKs (I don't even feed them except for basic snack). He said that he was fine to eat ramen everyday so he didn't feel the need to chip in....

So I went to the grocery store again today because I had to. Spent another $85.00 to bring my share, this month only, up to $440.00 (he, I think, has chipped in about $60 in addition to what I've spent). So while I was there I picked hi up some ramen. I plan to cook him ramen everynight for as long as he can stand it while I continue to cook real meals for myself...

Tonight its garlic and peppercorn marinaded chicken breast with shallot and bacon sauteed asparagus topped with Parmesan. Low blow? I think not...

Any one have a bet on how long he lasts? lol!!
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Old 11-20-2013, 05:00 PM
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If my husband was acting like that, I would neither cook for him nor shop for him. He would be completely on his own. He wants to act like a kid, he can go back to his mama's for dinner.
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Old 11-20-2013, 05:02 PM
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I truly think if you want this to be a long term commitment you should sit down with him and have a discussion about finances and come to an agreement for a budget and what each of you should pay. Keep daycare expenses separate as your business expense. I just don't see this playing out well for either of you... This should have been discussed prior to his moving in?
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Old 11-20-2013, 05:05 PM
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I truly think if you want this to be a long term commitment you should sit down with him and have a discussion about finances and come to an agreement for a budget and what each of you should pay. Keep daycare expenses separate as your business expense. I just don't see this playing out well for either of you... This should have been discussed prior to his moving in?
It was discussed and he had been chipping in. He was literally being a "you know what" just because... so two can play at that game. I could have kept arguing about it, but honestly, I think this is the best way to get the point across. He wants Ramen... he's got it!
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Old 11-20-2013, 06:01 PM
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I would do this too!!
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Old 11-20-2013, 06:53 PM
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I would of done this too 👍
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:00 PM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:16 PM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
^^. I'm the same way. For the past 25 years it has been OUR money, OUR kids, none of this his or mine.
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:19 PM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
Hubs and I are the same way. We pool all our money together on paydays, put portions aside to pay for what needs to be paid and we split what's left for extra spending cash. We have NEVER had a serious discussion about money, let alone an argument.
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Old 11-20-2013, 08:31 PM
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I guess I must be an old soul. We have never had yours and mine and we have never argued about money once.

BUT my husband is very passive. I take care of all of the bills and finances.

We have individual accounts and a joint account. All bills are paid out of the joint. I don't care who chips in what, as long as everything is paid.

I will say this thought. My husband has been unemployed for almost a year and working his own company he started. It has been hard to support his new business because he's not really making a lot of money with it. BUT He was supportive of me when I said I was going to do DC again when we moved, so I think it's only fair that I give him the same support he gave me.

I know that everyone handles things differently, but I think that if you play a ping pong game of tit for tat, your relationship is going to be doomed.....
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Old 11-20-2013, 09:52 PM
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Your post made me really sad. It sounds as if you guys are moving apart to be honest. You have to be best friends with your mate and both of you need to treat each other better than you would anyone else. Something is very wrong with his selfish way of thinking about the groceries. If my husband acted that way before we were married theres no way I would have married him. I'm sorry for what you are going through!
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Old 11-20-2013, 10:38 PM
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You guys are just dating right? I don't mean that to sound derogatory, just getting perspective. DH and I didn't have "our" money until we were married. Committed relationship or not, I came from a family where you learned to keep yourself financially protected from everyone and I wasn't about to share an account with someone I wasn't married too. Even when we were engaged. Heck we still have mainly separate accts but we both put a certain amount into a joint account for DD/living expenses, the rest we split.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooksie View Post
The other night dbf and I were having a money argument (are there other kinds?) and I made a comment about how I've carried this month in groceries. He apparently doesn't see himself as a part of this family unit because he complained that all the money goes to me and DD and feeding the DCKs (I don't even feed them except for basic snack). He said that he was fine to eat ramen everyday so he didn't feel the need to chip in....

So I went to the grocery store again today because I had to. Spent another $85.00 to bring my share, this month only, up to $440.00 (he, I think, has chipped in about $60 in addition to what I've spent). So while I was there I picked hi up some ramen. I plan to cook him ramen everynight for as long as he can stand it while I continue to cook real meals for myself...

Tonight its garlic and peppercorn marinaded chicken breast with shallot and bacon sauteed asparagus topped with Parmesan. Low blow? I think not...

Any one have a bet on how long he lasts? lol!!
How was dinner? I totally want to come to your house! Totally beats my leftover spaghetti (although I love leftover spaghetti! )!

I'd do it to, heck I have done it! DH sometimes needs a reality check (he was an only child, mama's boy) too and unless something he's doing (or not doing) affects him specifically or makes things difficult he can be a bit oblivious. I did a laundry/dishes strike awhile back and now he's MUCH more helpful!
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Old 11-21-2013, 02:36 AM
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If he's like I was... this won't be a wake up call. I was at one time what I would call moneyrexic (different motivation then anorexia). I just saw eating as something you have to do to survive, it wasn't something that I particularly enjoyed. Money and Time needed for food was a waste, something that didn't last (and I didn't have money or time to spare). I went through my first year of college mostly eating romen, and noodles, with very few variations. While I did buy fresh vegetables to add to my sauce, it was the expensive part of my meal, so I would spread it very thin on my spaghetti so that it would last longer. Protein was almost non-existant, and I also didn't get enough calories. My health slowly degraded, and in turn my ability to perform in school/ work seriously suffered, but I didn't really realize until I was back home and eating well.. so I went 9 months eating like this.
Even knowing this for a long time I was still a 'recovering moneyrexic'. Anytime the budget was tight food is the first thing I would want to cut. I had to fight that urge and make sure that if I did make some cuts, it wasn't affecting the nutritional value, or amounts I ate.
If he's anywhere near this level, you need to have a serious conversation with him about how he views food, and about the value of 'nutritious meals'. He may not see the value in what he sees as fancy foods (he may see your meal you told us about as a waste of resources, instead of the impact you were looking for), but basic nutrition needs to be a priority.
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Old 11-21-2013, 02:54 AM
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In my opinion old fashion would be ďHISĒ money historically.

Now to OP post, I think you are handling it grand. I am firm believer in I can show you better than I can tell you. He made a statement and now he is about to eat his words.

I hope Ramen Noodles gives him an reality check and self evaluation.
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Old 11-21-2013, 05:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Lyss View Post
You guys are just dating right? I don't mean that to sound derogatory, just getting perspective. DH and I didn't have "our" money until we were married. Committed relationship or not, I came from a family where you learned to keep yourself financially protected from everyone and I wasn't about to share an account with someone I wasn't married too. Even when we were engaged. Heck we still have mainly separate accts but we both put a certain amount into a joint account for DD/living expenses, the rest we split.



How was dinner? I totally want to come to your house! Totally beats my leftover spaghetti (although I love leftover spaghetti! )!

I'd do it to, heck I have done it! DH sometimes needs a reality check (he was an only child, mama's boy) too and unless something he's doing (or not doing) affects him specifically or makes things difficult he can be a bit oblivious. I did a laundry/dishes strike awhile back and now he's MUCH more helpful!
Yea we aren't even engaged yet. He's been living here for 3 months and dd is not "his". He loves her as his but he came from the bachelor life to family life and it hasn't totally sunk in. We have a playful relationship and I would rather make my point this way than argue or be negative. We aren't growing apart in the least but I appreciate the concern I guess? lol I could sit there and tell him what he needs to do but its not OUR money. He has a point. But if he wants to keep everything separate to THAT extent then I can play that game. Lol I would much rather him come to his own decision that he needs to chip in, than for me to argue with him about it. Plus this is more fun. And dinner was delicious! I even made enough to have it for lunch. Yummmmmy

(DBF is also an only child and a momma's boy, so I definitely know what you mean! lol!!)

EDIT: I may also add that he moved out of him parent's house to move in here so his mommy was doing everything, cleaning, cooking, laundry. He was there to pay off some medical bills and only had to pay for those. So this is a big jump back into reality for him even though he was on his own for many years before that.
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Old 11-21-2013, 05:45 AM
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Your post made me really sad. It sounds as if you guys are moving apart to be honest. You have to be best friends with your mate and both of you need to treat each other better than you would anyone else. Something is very wrong with his selfish way of thinking about the groceries. If my husband acted that way before we were married theres no way I would have married him. I'm sorry for what you are going through!
I agree.
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Old 11-21-2013, 05:48 AM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
here too. And its been like this for 16 yrs. Dh always says that he never sees his paycheck--well of course he never sees it because its direct deposit
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Old 11-21-2013, 05:56 AM
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We've been together 12 years and married almost 10, and this is STILL a struggle for us.

I brought 4 kids into this relationship, his were grown. I make 1/3 what he does. He was a bachelor for 10 years.

DH needs constant reminders that this is OUR house, OUR money, etc., and that "sweat equity" has value. Most of the time he remembers, but he does fall back on old patterns easily. He also likes to be in charge.

Brooksie, this is one of those things that you absolutely need to work out before things get more serious, and certainly before you make a long-term commitment to each other. Hammer it out now. How does he think it should work?

Personally, I recommend you sit down together every couple weeks and work out what's being paid, how it's being paid, etc. You don't have to throw it all into a joint bank account yet, but you need to pool your resources in a fair way.
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Old 11-21-2013, 06:39 AM
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If my husband was acting like that, I would neither cook for him nor shop for him. He would be completely on his own. He wants to act like a kid, he can go back to his mama's for dinner.
My ex-husband complained & I told him he can now take care of his own food..., & laundry too. I never lifted a finger for either from that moment on. (He's an ex for a reason.)
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Old 11-21-2013, 06:44 AM
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My ex-husband complained & I told him he can now take care of his own food..., & laundry too. I never lifted a finger for either from that moment on. (He's an ex for a reason.)


I had a great aunt who, after the death of her husband, REFUSED to have serious relationships. She would date only - no "steadies" or live ins. She said she spent most of her adult life catering to her family and husband. She would always say as she was on her way out for a date "do it ONCE ladies and then never again!!"

Best.advice.ever.
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Old 11-21-2013, 06:45 AM
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I had a great aunt who, after the death of her husband, REFUSED to have serious relationships. She would date only - no "steadies" or live ins. She said she spent most of her adult life catering to her family and husband. She would always say as she was on her way out for a date "do it ONCE ladies and then never again!!"

Best.advice.ever.
Ahahahaha! She rocks.
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Old 11-21-2013, 07:26 AM
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here too. And its been like this for 16 yrs. Dh always says that he never sees his paycheck--well of course he never sees it because its direct deposit
Here, too. Like Meeko, LittleMissMuffet, and a few others here, we don't separate our money. We really are united in every way (since Nov 1992). Listen to us "little old couples." We know what we are talking about!

I will share our wisdom to marital success with you Brooksie: have a very honest and frank discussion about finances. Bring all your debt to the table, pool your salaries, and don't spend ANY money outside of an agreed budget without talking about and agreeing upon it first.

Don't be snarky or passive-aggressive with your mate. Love and cherish. Treat one another like you expect to be treated. Sincerely respect one another. If you actually love each other, act like it.
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Old 11-21-2013, 07:41 AM
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Here, too. Like Meeko, LittleMissMuffet, and a few others here, we don't separate our money. We really are united in every way (since Nov 1992). Listen to us "little old couples." We know what we are talking about!

I will share our wisdom to marital success with you Brooksie: have a very honest and frank discussion about finances. Bring all your debt to the table, pool your salaries, and don't spend ANY money outside of an agreed budget without talking about and agreeing upon it first.

Don't be snarky or passive-aggressive with your mate. Love and cherish. Treat one another like you expect to be treated. Sincerely respect one another. If you actually love each other, act like it.
I think it would be more appropriate to pool our finances once we are married. We aren't even engaged. Its his money. The thing is, its our bills now. So that's the point I'm making. I'm not interested in saying his money is my money. Its not there yet. I agree though, once we are married its "our" money. He has the right to choose how to spend his money grocery wise. I just think its ridiculous which is my point. If he wants to only spend him money on Ramen, he will only eat Ramen... I'm sure he will come around
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Old 11-21-2013, 07:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Meeko View Post
I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
Same here. My husband is not my son's father but since the day we decided to move in together and get married the option of yours and mine was gone. He helps out with my son and daycare just as equally as I am expect to. I wouldn't tolerate it any other way.

All our money goes into one account and I pay the bills, take care of savings etc. so We have a happy saying here. What's his is mine and what's mine is mine
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Old 11-21-2013, 09:16 AM
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I think it would be more appropriate to pool our finances once we are married. We aren't even engaged. Its his money. The thing is, its our bills now. So that's the point I'm making. I'm not interested in saying his money is my money. Its not there yet. I agree though, once we are married its "our" money. He has the right to choose how to spend his money grocery wise. I just think its ridiculous which is my point. If he wants to only spend him money on Ramen, he will only eat Ramen... I'm sure he will come around
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but it seems to me that when you decide to live together, then life becomes "together," whether or not you have that marriage license. I think you'll have constant struggles if parts of your life are "together" (housing, "family" fun, intimacy, and all the other things the two of you enjoy about spending life together) and other parts are separate (food, bills, household responsibility, etc.).

I will say that I've only ever been single or married, never living together, so you may choose to ignore my thoughts. But I have been married for 20 years to a man I love who also drives me absolutely crazy sometimes. We still have struggles. That's just life. And even though our money is "ours," we still have money arguments, because we have different personalities and goals regarding saving and spending. Unfortunately, for some couples, money arguments are just part of life.

Money arguments have been so significant in our marriage, that I can't begin to imagine how I'd handle it if we didn't have that permanency of marriage behind it all. I'm not saying this as judgmental of your situation at all. I just feel badly for you. My husband also never lived on his own before marriage, so I know how that feels.

Hugs.
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Old 11-21-2013, 09:19 AM
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I did "ours" in my first marriage and ended up with a house in foreclosure, sky high debt, no food in my cupboards and two small children I nearly couldn't care for. He was an escalating conniving addict and the "ours" thing only served to drag me down to the depths of despair with him.

Now remarried we have "ours" for joint bills but I also make my own money and keep a separate savings account with a perpetual nest egg to help me sleep at night. He doesn't keep one of his own, but understands and respects why that makes me feel better as a mother who had to fight her way back from literally losing everything.

I think it's the respect a couple has for each other in regards to how they manage their finances, over how they actually choose to execute their preferences.


I don't think me having "mine" is going to doom my marriage any more the ex and I having all "ours" contributed to the degradation of my first.
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Old 11-21-2013, 09:32 AM
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Now remarried we have "ours" for joint bills but I also make my own money and keep a separate savings account with a perpetual nest egg to help me sleep at night. He doesn't keep one of his own, but understands and respects why that makes me feel better as a mother who had to fight her way back from literally losing everything.
This makes a lot of sense. And now that I'm doing the daycare thing, will be the first time that I've had my "own" money. I'm sure that will change the dynamics for us a bit.
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:13 AM
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I am curious, how did he react when you and DD were eating a gourmet meal and he had to eat ramen?
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:59 AM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.

We do too! We have a joint account and then separate for daycare. I usually use daycare $ for food, gas, supplies and clothing for our own children. If its a big purchase or I need extra money I dip into our joint account. A lot of people I know do separate accounts. It has been my experience from listening to them vent, that it causes a lot of hard feelings. Especially when they are not both earning the same amount.
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Old 11-21-2013, 11:12 AM
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I did "ours" in my first marriage and ended up with a house in foreclosure, sky high debt, no food in my cupboards and two small children I nearly couldn't care for. He was an escalating conniving addict and the "ours" thing only served to drag me down to the depths of despair with him.

Now remarried we have "ours" for joint bills but I also make my own money and keep a separate savings account with a perpetual nest egg to help me sleep at night. He doesn't keep one of his own, but understands and respects why that makes me feel better as a mother who had to fight her way back from literally losing everything.

I think it's the respect a couple has for each other in regards to how they manage their finances, over how they actually choose to execute their preferences.


I don't think me having "mine" is going to doom my marriage any more the ex and I having all "ours" contributed to the degradation of my first.
I also did "ours" and it ended horribly. I never knew my house was almost foreclosed on until I saw the statements!!! My credit was SHOT.
Anyways, should I remarry in the future I will keep MY account in addition to having a joint one. I cannot handle what I handled in the past.
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Old 11-21-2013, 11:16 AM
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I am curious, how did he react when you and DD were eating a gourmet meal and he had to eat ramen?
(giggle, snicker, snort)
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Old 11-21-2013, 11:27 AM
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My dh and I have a couple of accounts together, each serves a purpose. Most of the dc money goes to groceries and to the Jeep payment, with a little left over. His money goes to everything else, another car payment, stuff for the kids, our camper, mortgage, household bills, etc.... Can you tell he makes so much more than me...lol

Now, my sis and her dh both have separate accounts and they divide everything up and each pays what they agreed on and then stuff they both buy things for their kids.

I know he's just a dbh, but you are living together and he should help pay bills. Maybe you two can sit down and divide up the bills, evenly if possible. That way each of you know what bills need to be paid and who will pay them and that ends the fighting.

By the way, I think it's awesome that you are having him eat Ramen while you are eating yummy food! Maybe he'll realize that if he helps more with groceries that he can eat well too.....then again maybe not.
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Old 11-21-2013, 11:38 AM
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I came to this thread today to see how he liked his Ramen noodles?
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Old 11-21-2013, 01:12 PM
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I am curious, how did he react when you and DD were eating a gourmet meal and he had to eat ramen?
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I came to this thread today to see how he liked his Ramen noodles?
DD ate before us. (she has food allergies and generally eats special foods) I told him he had Ramen in the pantry and he actually made it himself Then he realized I was still cooking a good meal for myself. He kept quiet and took his noodles upstairs to watch the hockey game (was his plan before the noodles) and I ate my delicious dinner downstairs with some TV of my choice. I think he knows whats going on, but I'm curious to see how he handles his noodles again tonight
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Old 11-21-2013, 01:38 PM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
I agree
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Old 11-21-2013, 01:52 PM
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I over looked the part that said it is your BF......

I would have done this to a BF if I had a playful relationship with him.

My husband sounds like your BF. When we started dating he was 32 still living at home with mommy and daddy and mommy did EVERYTHING including paying his bills for him. When I married him years later, I practically had to rip the bills out of her hands.

When we were dating, I did not have our money, he had his and I had mine. Can't believe that I am telling you this, because it's embarrassing and makes me very angry, but his mommy paid for my wedding ring and engagement ring.

We don't have money with issues now, I basically take care of it all, he has his own account and then puts money in the joint for bills to be paid. We split the bills (well when he was employed) 50-50 and then have our own accounts and spend what we have in there how we want.

I don't cook or do laundry any more because no one was helping me and I was doing everything so I went on strike and basically refused to do anything to let my husband and kids see what it was like when I didn't do everything.

now they all help me.

This is kind of funny. Let us know how night 2 goes of yummy noodle soup
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Old 11-21-2013, 01:55 PM
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The other night dbf and I were having a money argument (are there other kinds?) and I made a comment about how I've carried this month in groceries. He apparently doesn't see himself as a part of this family unit because he complained that all the money goes to me and DD and feeding the DCKs (I don't even feed them except for basic snack). He said that he was fine to eat ramen everyday so he didn't feel the need to chip in....

So I went to the grocery store again today because I had to. Spent another $85.00 to bring my share, this month only, up to $440.00 (he, I think, has chipped in about $60 in addition to what I've spent). So while I was there I picked hi up some ramen. I plan to cook him ramen everynight for as long as he can stand it while I continue to cook real meals for myself...

Tonight its garlic and peppercorn marinaded chicken breast with shallot and bacon sauteed asparagus topped with Parmesan. Low blow? I think not...

Any one have a bet on how long he lasts? lol!!
Gosh, you're so nice ... I wouldn't have cooked the ramen for him. Id have given him a vague idea of where the ramen was and had him hunt for it (after puttin in the most akward place I could find) and had him cook it himself.

I used to make my DH home-made chicken soup when he was sick until the one time that I got sick and I asked him to warm up a can of Campbell's Soup and he said no. Oh yeah! ... ok. Last time I made him anything when he was sick. . If you can't appreciate me I show you what you'll be missing lol. He regrets it now but knows he was an @$$.

I have a saying that I tell my DH every so often ... perhaps you can share with your DBF ... Treat me well and I'll move mountains for you, treat me badly and I'll drop those mountains on your balls .

Curious to know if you followed through or not and what he said if you did
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Old 11-21-2013, 01:57 PM
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Gosh, you're so nice ... I wouldn't have cooked the ramen for him. Id have given him a vague idea of where the ramen was and had him hunt for it (after puttin in the most akward place I could find) and had him cook it himself.

I used to make my DH home-made chicken soup when he was sick until the one time that I got sick and I asked him to warm up a can of Campbell's Soup and he said no. Oh yeah! ... ok. Last time I made him anything when he was sick. . If you can't appreciate me I show you what you'll be missing lol. He regrets it now but knows he was an @$$.

I have a saying that I tell my DH every so often ... perhaps you can share with your DBF ... Treat me well and I'll move mountains for you, treat me badly and I'll drop those mountains on your balls .

Curious to know if you followed through or not and what he said if you did
lol hahahahhahahahhahahah OMG I can't stop laughing I think I just woke some children
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Old 11-21-2013, 02:25 PM
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My ex boyfriend was like that. He had his money and I had mine. We split bills and groceries but he got to where if he put gas in my car because we were going to the city for something for him he would deduct that amount from his share. Eventually I was paying all the bills and kicked him out. My husband and I have a joint account and everything is ours together.
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Old 11-21-2013, 03:28 PM
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Gosh, you're so nice ... I wouldn't have cooked the ramen for him. Id have given him a vague idea of where the ramen was and had him hunt for it (after puttin in the most akward place I could find) and had him cook it himself.

I used to make my DH home-made chicken soup when he was sick until the one time that I got sick and I asked him to warm up a can of Campbell's Soup and he said no. Oh yeah! ... ok. Last time I made him anything when he was sick. . If you can't appreciate me I show you what you'll be missing lol. He regrets it now but knows he was an @$$.

I have a saying that I tell my DH every so often ... perhaps you can share with your DBF ... Treat me well and I'll move mountains for you, treat me badly and I'll drop those mountains on your balls .

Curious to know if you followed through or not and what he said if you did
haha you are so funny!! there was another thread where you were talking about all the things you did to your DH (hiding his shoes when he would leave them out) I told my DH about it...he didnt think it was as funny as I thought it was...I told him to be careful because im learning all kinds of new tricks
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Old 11-21-2013, 03:59 PM
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I have a saying that I tell my DH every so often ... perhaps you can share with your DBF ... Treat me well and I'll move mountains for you, treat me badly and I'll drop those mountains on your balls .

Curious to know if you followed through or not and what he said if you did
LMAO!!! I am totally going to tell him that. So funny. I did follow through last night and picked up a few more packs of Ramen at Target today. I plan on giving him the $1.10 bill as well

He didn't say anything last night so I'm looking forward to seeing what he says tonight. I'll keep you posted!

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I over looked the part that said it is your BF......

I would have done this to a BF if I had a playful relationship with him.

My husband sounds like your BF. When we started dating he was 32 still living at home with mommy and daddy and mommy did EVERYTHING including paying his bills for him. When I married him years later, I practically had to rip the bills out of her hands.


This is kind of funny. Let us know how night 2 goes of yummy noodle soup
OMG your DH sounds like DBFs long lost brother. They must have the same Mother!!! She still handles his other bills and he told me when he moved in it would be my job No way. Luckily she won't hand them over to me. I also have a feeling when I get an engagement ring it will be coming from his parents.
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Old 11-21-2013, 06:00 PM
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FYI tonight's menu is Chicken, Broccoli and pasta with an asiago alfredo sauce. His FAVE. lol!!! His Ramen is sitting on the counter waiting for him...
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:30 PM
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I have a saying that I tell my DH every so often ... perhaps you can share with your DBF ... Treat me well and I'll move mountains for you, treat me badly and I'll drop those mountains on your balls .
Gosh Vanessa tell us how you really feel!

I am lucky to have my wife. She stuck with me through thick and thin when we were younger and I will never forget her for it. She always asks or phones me if she can buy this or do that and I tell her she doesn't need to ask me. I trust her but she asks anyway. There needs to be respect in any relationship for it to last.
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Old 11-22-2013, 06:06 AM
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I don't know, but I think food should be shared equally. There is no "my food your food" in my house, heck your lucky if we have leftovers. Regardless if your feeding the daycare kids or not, that food bill needs to be split in half. I've been married a long time, this silly behavior would never fly here. If your fighting over grocery money, maybe you guys shouldn't live together yet. Yes, every one needs to iron things out, but fighting over food is not a good sign.

instead of treating him like a boyfriend, maybe treat him like a roommate instead. You pay half and he pays half.
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Old 11-22-2013, 07:42 AM
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Gosh Vanessa tell us how you really feel!

I am lucky to have my wife. She stuck with me through thick and thin when we were younger and I will never forget her for it. She always asks or phones me if she can buy this or do that and I tell her she doesn't need to ask me. I trust her but she asks anyway. There needs to be respect in any relationship for it to last.
Don't get me wrong, I love him do death and I say it playfully. There are plenty of things that my DH does that are wonderful and considerate that far outweigh the bad. It's just sometimes he gets into this "I'm the next closest thing to God" mentality, no joke he really says that, and I have to bring him back down to earth.

I find that (in our case) he doesn't realize that some things he does are a big deal to me and are important no matter how many times I tell him. If in his mind things are not a big deal or there is a better way then his way is the way. It's difficult for him to see things from another person's perception and reality is perception, people always see things differently. I just remind him by playing tricks on him and that helps him see and gets me results. In a lot of ways he's a lot like a daycare parent ... if it doesn't inconvenience him in any way then it's not on his mind. The mountains saying is just a reminder that I'll do anything for him but don't take it for granted, reciprocate ... like if you're sick and I ALWAYS take care of you and make you soup then warm up a damn bowl of soup in the microwave for me the ONE TIME that I get sick .
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Old 11-22-2013, 08:42 AM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
My Husband and I have joint bank accounts. We are the only couple in our circle of family and friends that share our incomes. They think its not very smart. I think its weird to hear married couples saying you owe me 5bucks from last week or you haven't paid me back yet.
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Old 11-22-2013, 10:33 AM
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I think its weird to hear married couples saying you owe me 5bucks from last week or you haven't paid me back yet.
Do you know married couples who really say this to each other? That would seem very weird to me.
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Old 11-22-2013, 10:35 AM
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Gosh Vanessa tell us how you really feel!

I am lucky to have my wife. She stuck with me through thick and thin when we were younger and I will never forget her for it. She always asks or phones me if she can buy this or do that and I tell her she doesn't need to ask me. I trust her but she asks anyway. There needs to be respect in any relationship for it to last.


that's how I feel about my dh, too. He is the epitome of the Corinthians verse about love. That man worked 13 hours on a commercial plumbing job yesterday, called on his way home to ask if there was anything I needed while he was still out, helped me with dinner, kids baths and bed and then helped me clean the house without asking. THEN he folded the laundry in the dryer while I was in the shower this morning before he went to put in another 12-13 hours.

We have a joint checking and savings, but individual accounts that are our business accounts (both self employed).

It is all OUR money. He needed extra cash to buy materials for the large commercial job he got, so I transferred him money from our account to his business. NO questions asked.
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Old 11-22-2013, 10:38 AM
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Gosh Vanessa tell us how you really feel!

She always asks or phones me if she can buy this or do that and I tell her she doesn't need to ask me. I trust her but she asks anyway. There needs to be respect in any relationship for it to last.
Haha, I almost always ask my dh if I can buy something and he always tells me not to ask, but I feel bad if I were to buy something and not tell him. I don't know why I do this, I know his answer is going to be the same every time.
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Old 11-22-2013, 03:35 PM
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My Husband and I have joint bank accounts. We are the only couple in our circle of family and friends that share our incomes. They think its not very smart. I think its weird to hear married couples saying you owe me 5bucks from last week or you haven't paid me back yet.
My brother and his wife have separate accounts. My parents say they hate hearing them argue over who hasn't paid their half of the mortgage yet etc.....crazy. They seem happily married and yet are terrified to give up control of their accounts. I don't understand their lack of trust.
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Old 11-23-2013, 08:07 AM
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I know you've made up your mind, you love him, you are too nice. I am too nice. I married a man, he helped me raise my son, although mostly he didn't help, with much of anything, but the bills, and he made me feel small. I am still married to him. I started to divorce him, but he turned himself around... somewhat. I am not happy, I am sad. I stay together for the kids, and the hope that maybe someday things will be better. I wish you the best, but I feel he is controlling, and more so than you think.
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Old 11-23-2013, 11:07 AM
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NOt sure that some of you caught this or not, I know I missed it the first time, but they are NOT married. They are BF/GF living together.

So I think that this is a HUGE difference when it comes to the OUR money....
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Old 11-23-2013, 01:02 PM
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I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.
This!!!
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Old 11-23-2013, 02:10 PM
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I dont think the GF/BF vs Married is that much of a difference. IMO if you love them so much that you just have to move in with them and are willing to change your lifestyle to accomodate them then you may as well be married and ALL IN. Sure each have your own accounts for splurging on YOU if you feel the need (called and allowance) but there should be 1 account for the FAMILY expenses. Live your separate lives until you have resolved all the trust, finance, emotional issues. Otherwise why bother.

My hubby and I (24 years married) have shared everything since the day we decided to move in (3 months after knowing each other) and have never looked back since. He will move heaven and earth to make sure I always have what I want. I dont ask if I can buy unless I know we are running short, but I do always ask- Is there $ so I can buy this or that. And that is out of respect for his hard work for our family.

Old fashioned vs Modern, I guess. ;\
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Old 11-23-2013, 02:57 PM
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Well after cooking every night this week and leaving the leftovers for him instead of taking them to work with me for lunch, and coming home to nothing left but the dirty dishes, I was told off for snacking on one of "his" Hot Pockets and then given an unsolicited list of what food I'd bought vs. what he bought as apparently mine doesn't stack up.

Because having to buy all the fruit, vegetables, meats, dairy, etc in addition to cooking it is not nearly as important as making sure the house is stocked with snacks as he does, thus I'm not welcome to his food. Meanwhile I cook, dish and serve him "my" food, which he welcomes himself to.

I thought things had changed this week, thus the nightly meals...but I see they haven't...so back to cooking for myself when he goes to work.

I buy Ramen by the case . He helps himself.

I don't know how or why men have gotten this way, and even though I love him, he hasn't learned yet and I gotta look out for me.
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Old 11-23-2013, 03:05 PM
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Well after cooking every night this week and leaving the leftovers for him instead of taking them to work with me for lunch, and coming home to nothing left but the dirty dishes, I was told off for snacking on one of "his" Hot Pockets and then given an unsolicited list of what food I'd bought vs. what he bought as apparently mine doesn't stack up.

Because having to buy all the fruit, vegetables, meats, dairy, etc in addition to cooking it is not nearly as important as making sure the house is stocked with snacks as he does, thus I'm not welcome to his food. Meanwhile I cook, dish and serve him "my" food, which he welcomes himself to.

I thought things had changed this week, thus the nightly meals...but I see they haven't...so back to cooking for myself when he goes to work.

I buy Ramen by the case . He helps himself.

I don't know how or why men have gotten this way, and even though I love him, he hasn't learned yet and I gotta look out for me.


My current FB status:
"First Pot Roast of the season on the stove. Evergreen candle burning. Smells like the holidays "
First comment was his mom: 'how about those noodles?'
Response: 'Ahaha!! They're on the counter waiting for him. Its his choice what he wants for dinner. One just requires an apology lol'
His mom: 'omg that's so funny'

At least she's on my side! Haha. He was at their place last night because they bought him a more fuel efficient car (must be nice) and I'm sure she fed him well. We will see what he chooses to eat for dinner
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Old 11-23-2013, 06:45 PM
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I also think if he is living with you and DD then he should pitch in for groceries. If he is having a hard time condoning it because of the dc kid's being part of the cost can you maybe ask him to pitch in maybe 30% or something so that it seems you are comprimising? You would still be paying the bulk of it so he can not complain about paying for the dck's food...I love how you think though! I still have not gotten up the courage to do the whole laundry strike. I have been doing 3-4 loads a day for the past week and a half(minus today) and he has not even tried to help.
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Old 11-24-2013, 09:02 AM
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My current FB status:
"First Pot Roast of the season on the stove. Evergreen candle burning. Smells like the holidays "
First comment was his mom: 'how about those noodles?'
Response: 'Ahaha!! They're on the counter waiting for him. Its his choice what he wants for dinner. One just requires an apology lol'
His mom: 'omg that's so funny'

At least she's on my side! Haha. He was at their place last night because they bought him a more fuel efficient car (must be nice) and I'm sure she fed him well. We will see what he chooses to eat for dinner
I know I said I would refrain from posting in your threads but I have to ask, why are you with some one you have such contempt for?

Seems to me you (nor he) have any respect for one another.

I think it's childish and immature to play games like this when you are in a committed relationship with someone... Married or not, unless you are just roommates.. this behavior over dinner/grocery costs is silly.

Why not actually address the issue with a good old fashion sit down discussion?

Most adults manage their problems by talking things out. Any one married (or committed) for any length of time can attest to this.

Eye for an eye behavior only creates more trouble and drama within an already rocky relationship. I guess if that is your desired outcome, carry on but if you truly want to work things through at least one of you will need to take the high road.
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Old 11-24-2013, 01:58 PM
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I know I said I would refrain from posting in your threads but I have to ask, why are you with some one you have such contempt for?

Seems to me you (nor he) have any respect for one another.

I think it's childish and immature to play games like this when you are in a committed relationship with someone... Married or not, unless you are just roommates.. this behavior over dinner/grocery costs is silly.

Why not actually address the issue with a good old fashion sit down discussion?

Most adults manage their problems by talking things out. Any one married (or committed) for any length of time can attest to this.

Eye for an eye behavior only creates more trouble and drama within an already rocky relationship. I guess if that is your desired outcome, carry on but if you truly want to work things through at least one of you will need to take the high road.
Lmao BC you just can't help yourself can you?

Last night we did have a discussion and he apologized for saying the things he did and said he was going to try harder to be part of the family unit. Its a big jump for him (single to family) and we both know its going to take some time. I made my point and he got it. So I would call it a success.

But thanks any way.
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Old 11-25-2013, 08:32 AM
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I am glad you worked it out. While I did put what I would do, I dont think there is just one way to make things work. some people are perfectly happy with OUR money and others separate things. people divide up responsibilities in all sorts of ways so if you found a way to work it out, go for it. dont let anyone tell you that you have to do XYZ to solve a problem. it would be nice if relationships were that easy and simplistic but they are not.
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Old 11-25-2013, 09:13 AM
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I know I said I would refrain from posting in your threads but I have to ask, why are you with some one you have such contempt for?

Seems to me you (nor he) have any respect for one another.

I think it's childish and immature to play games like this when you are in a committed relationship with someone... Married or not, unless you are just roommates.. this behavior over dinner/grocery costs is silly.

Why not actually address the issue with a good old fashion sit down discussion?

Most adults manage their problems by talking things out. Any one married (or committed) for any length of time can attest to this.

Eye for an eye behavior only creates more trouble and drama within an already rocky relationship. I guess if that is your desired outcome, carry on but if you truly want to work things through at least one of you will need to take the high road.


I actually was going to post something similar but kept deleting it because I didn't want to sound mean. But in all honesty, the whole relationship sounds like way more work than it's worth.
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Old 11-25-2013, 10:12 AM
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I also second blackcat. You have to take it from people who have been married a long time (or divorced too as what didn't work)

how long have you known him. did he move in because you needed help paying the rent. You see, I'm wondering if you just "need" someone, I see it alot with young people. They "need" to have a boyfriend. I'm just wondering because you have complained about money before.
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Old 11-25-2013, 10:31 AM
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I'm one of those that "plays tricks" on my husband. Is it childish, probably but talking and having a conversation with MY husband does not work if he perceives that an issue for me is a non-issue. Are these issues big enough to divorce each other over? Definitely not. Are they small enough to just ignore and move on and accept that it will always be that way ... no, definitely not that either.

So then lies the obstacle of trying to figure out how to reach him and make him understand that his actions are hurtful or at minimum cumbersome for me. For me that means putting him in my shoes. I have found that is the best way. Call it passive aggressive and childish but it works and it's a better alternative than us yelling and screaming at each other. In the end (in my case) it ends with a laugh and he "gets it". No real drama and no fight.

Brooksi, I get it.
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Old 11-25-2013, 11:38 AM
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It's just my personal opinion, but I don't see good things coming from a relationship in which the parties feel they have to "teach each other a lesson". Tit for tat never makes for a stable union.

I've been married for almost 33 years and we have seen so many of our friends and family go their separate ways. In almost ALL cases...respect and communication was lacking.
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Old 11-25-2013, 11:48 AM
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I believe in different strokes for different folks.

For my relationship: I can show you better than I can tell you works. Itís our way of communicating.

I know several couples who are active swingers or have open marriages. The couples I am referring to are 20+ to 30+ years into their marriages. It would never work for me this type of marriage. Yet, I applaud them for discovering what makes them happy.

So Brooksie thank you for making me giggle. I donít pretend to know all the dynamics of your relationship. If you are happy being in your relationship, more power to you. And if not, you are a big girl. I am sure youíll move on when youíre good and ready.
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Old 11-25-2013, 11:50 AM
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Like others have said, I'm old fashioned and I am 33 years old. When we got married, everything I had belonged to him and what he had became ours. We only have one mutual bank account and he makes more money than me and has NEVER told me that it is his money. When I made more it was the same, because now we are one, one couple, one household, one family and we do groceries together and have never felt like something is mine or his. I feel like if you do what you are planning to do it will only add salt to the wound, it won't help. Best if you try to talk it out, talk, talk, and talk. If it does not work then IDK maybe he is not right for you.
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Old 11-25-2013, 11:55 AM
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My Husband and I have joint bank accounts. We are the only couple in our circle of family and friends that share our incomes. They think its not very smart. I think its weird to hear married couples saying you owe me 5bucks from last week or you haven't paid me back yet.
I totally agree, for me this is totally weird. I've seen it in DC families when they say "Oh my wife will take care of that bill" and I'm like ?????? We have only one account in my house, my husband is the only one with a ATM card from it but it's my choice. Once I found out that someone (stranger) was using my ATM card info to make purchases online so I cancelled it and never requested another one so I myself could stop buying stuff online so much. But all the cash that comes in from the DC I keep and he asks nothing about it.
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Old 11-25-2013, 12:25 PM
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We've been married 12 years this Jan and I think we have tried every way of dealing with the money possible! I learned my lesson early on with "yours and mine" bills when he got his car repossessed with only 2 months left to pay it off

For the last 7-8 years we have only "ours" money. I take care of all of the finances, he asks for what he needs (I never say no, but that way I know what is being spent). Hubby is NOT good with money (not a big spender, just doesn't keep track of it) and that works best for us
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Old 11-25-2013, 01:01 PM
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Not wanting to contribute to food (or very minimal) and not getting to participate in the household meals, seems like a natural/ logical consequence of HIS choice to me. No one would blink an eye at this in a roommate situation (which financially is where you are at at this point)

I'm glad that you are talking about it, and working things out. There are always going to be disagreements in any relationship (friendship/ roommate/ boyfriend/ marriage). It's the ability to work through those differences that matter.
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Old 11-25-2013, 01:22 PM
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I know I said I would refrain from posting in your threads but I have to ask, why are you with some one you have such contempt for?

Seems to me you (nor he) have any respect for one another.

I think it's childish and immature to play games like this when you are in a committed relationship with someone... Married or not, unless you are just roommates.. this behavior over dinner/grocery costs is silly.

Why not actually address the issue with a good old fashion sit down discussion?

Most adults manage their problems by talking things out. Any one married (or committed) for any length of time can attest to this.

Eye for an eye behavior only creates more trouble and drama within an already rocky relationship. I guess if that is your desired outcome, carry on but if you truly want to work things through at least one of you will need to take the high road.
I did not reply to this thread early on because I rarely reply anymore and I did not want to come across As being too harsh but Blackcat perfectly sums up my feelings on this entire immature situation. In my opinion you should not live with someone when you both act so ridiculously immature. CRAZINESS! How do you expect to be treated with respect when you stoop to these childish games?

Last edited by Live and Learn; 11-25-2013 at 02:34 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 11-25-2013, 01:36 PM
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I know you've made up your mind, you love him, you are too nice. I am too nice. I married a man, he helped me raise my son, although mostly he didn't help, with much of anything, but the bills, and he made me feel small. I am still married to him. I started to divorce him, but he turned himself around... somewhat. I am not happy, I am sad. I stay together for the kids, and the hope that maybe someday things will be better. I wish you the best, but I feel he is controlling, and more so than you think.
This could have been written by me. (((HUG)))
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Old 11-25-2013, 01:53 PM
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It's just my personal opinion, but I don't see good things coming from a relationship in which the parties feel they have to "teach each other a lesson". Tit for tat never makes for a stable union.

I've been married for almost 33 years and we have seen so many of our friends and family go their separate ways. In almost ALL cases...respect and communication was lacking.
Can't say for anyone else but I know that I for one am not teaching anyone a lesson. My husband has a hard time empathizing with anyone on just about any issue because of his childhood. He's been on his own since he was in his teens and fended for himself. He's set in his ways so to speak and he's not a "talker". He's better than he was before but I can talk to him until I'm blue in the face about how we needed a gate to the kitchen to keep the kids safe and out of there and it just wasn't a big deal to him so it was a non-issue.... until my son got into the dishwasher and grabbed a knife and tried poking my leg with it and once he did the same again and cut four fingers and his palm.

I talked to him about putting his shoes away and even compromised and just asked to at least not leave them near the steo that leads into the garage. Guess who tripped and fell on his shoes while she was pregnant because they were at the bottom of the stair in the garage? This girl right here.

Things just don't seem to be a big deal to him so I need to find another way to show him what I mean. Talking gets me nowhere. BUT he's a hard worker, loves us, takes care of us, is an excellent father and an all around good guy. I just don't want to keep hurting myself or have someone else hurt themselves and I don't want to feel like my opinions don't matter. He;s come a long way and I can ignore lots of his other quirks. I just choose my battles.
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:21 PM
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Can't say for anyone else but I know that I for one am not teaching anyone a lesson. My husband has a hard time empathizing with anyone on just about any issue because of his childhood. He's been on his own since he was in his teens and fended for himself. He's set in his ways so to speak and he's not a "talker". He's better than he was before but I can talk to him until I'm blue in the face about how we needed a gate to the kitchen to keep the kids safe and out of there and it just wasn't a big deal to him so it was a non-issue.... until my son got into the dishwasher and grabbed a knife and tried poking my leg with it and once he did the same again and cut four fingers and his palm.

I talked to him about putting his shoes away and even compromised and just asked to at least not leave them near the steo that leads into the garage. Guess who tripped and fell on his shoes while she was pregnant because they were at the bottom of the stair in the garage? This girl right here.

Things just don't seem to be a big deal to him so I need to find another way to show him what I mean. Talking gets me nowhere. BUT he's a hard worker, loves us, takes care of us, is an excellent father and an all around good guy. I just don't want to keep hurting myself or have someone else hurt themselves and I don't want to feel like my opinions don't matter. He;s come a long way and I can ignore lots of his other quirks. I just choose my battles.
Our Husbands are twins!
My dh kept leaving his shoes on the floor at night in the living room and I tripped on them and fell into the entrainment center glass doors.. I told him about it and he seemed concerned but still kept doing it.
So, I started hiding them and he had to search for them in the morning.
I just said, "I don't know where they are, I was so tired last night, I can't remember where I put them, maybe you should put them in the closet at night"
I know that seems childish to some people but not every relationship is the same and if you have the worlds perfect husband, that's great but we just do what works. My dh always puts his shoes away at night now.
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:35 PM
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Our Husbands are twins!
My dh kept leaving his shoes on the floor at night in the living room and I tripped on them and fell into the entrainment center glass doors.. I told him about it and he seemed concerned but still kept doing it.
So, I started hiding them and he had to search for them in the morning.
I just said, "I don't know where they are, I was so tired last night, I can't remember where I put them, maybe you should put them in the closet at night"
I know that seems childish to some people but not every relationship is the same and if you have the worlds perfect husband, that's great but we just do what works. My dh always puts his shoes away at night now.
Lol that sounds like me. I got tired when husband didn't out he seat down years ago, so I started hiding the toilet paper and he constantly would forget and sit down and then have no toilet paper lol. So one day he says "did yu forget to replace the toilet paper ?" And I said "oh I dunno, did you forget to put the seat down?" Lol we both laughed and after that he put the seat down lol.

But, I think there's a difference between having a little humor in a relationship and having REAL issues. My husband and I have been married going on 13 years. He was married twice before me and I was married once before him. But we were both prett used to the single independent life when we met. Yes, when first getting together, there was an adjustment. But if you can't openly communicate with your significant other, there are serious issues that even humor won't fix.
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:54 PM
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I'm one of those that "plays tricks" on my husband. Is it childish, probably but talking and having a conversation with MY husband does not work if he perceives that an issue for me is a non-issue. Are these issues big enough to divorce each other over? Definitely not. Are they small enough to just ignore and move on and accept that it will always be that way ... no, definitely not that either.

So then lies the obstacle of trying to figure out how to reach him and make him understand that his actions are hurtful or at minimum cumbersome for me. For me that means putting him in my shoes. I have found that is the best way. Call it passive aggressive and childish but it works and it's a better alternative than us yelling and screaming at each other. In the end (in my case) it ends with a laugh and he "gets it". No real drama and no fight.

Brooksi, I get it.

BOOM! Thanks MV
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Old 11-25-2013, 03:01 PM
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BOOM! Thanks MV
I am also like this in many ways.... I can't tell you the last time anyone raised their voice in my house.

My husband behaves the way he does due to his culture, he was the first born male in his family and babied until age 33.

Sometimes I do funny stuff, like I put clear plastic wrap on the toilet one night because he kept leaving the toilet seat up and I would fall in all the time in the middle of the night. He ended up with PEE all over his feet, and I never had my rear end in the toilet again.

I think how you handle things all depends on your relationship and I a sure that you are aware of when you are pushing things too far.

BTW how is noodle night?? Is it still on?
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Old 11-25-2013, 03:09 PM
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I am also like this in many ways.... I can't tell you the last time anyone raised their voice in my house.

My husband behaves the way he does due to his culture, he was the first born male in his family and babied until age 33.

Sometimes I do funny stuff, like I put clear plastic wrap on the toilet one night because he kept leaving the toilet seat up and I would fall in all the time in the middle of the night. He ended up with PEE all over his feet, and I never had my rear end in the toilet again.

I think how you handle things all depends on your relationship and I a sure that you are aware of when you are pushing things too far.

BTW how is noodle night?? Is it still on?
haha!!

I like to play little pranks on my hubby too. We love doing it.
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Old 11-25-2013, 03:16 PM
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I am also like this in many ways.... I can't tell you the last time anyone raised their voice in my house.

My husband behaves the way he does due to his culture, he was the first born male in his family and babied until age 33.

Sometimes I do funny stuff, like I put clear plastic wrap on the toilet one night because he kept leaving the toilet seat up and I would fall in all the time in the middle of the night. He ended up with PEE all over his feet, and I never had my rear end in the toilet again.

I think how you handle things all depends on your relationship and I a sure that you are aware of when you are pushing things too far.

BTW how is noodle night?? Is it still on?
Nope! He apologized last night and we had a discussion about it. He stated why he said that and that it was uncalled for and that he's just stressed about money (its a big jump for him since mommy wasn't charging him rent or groceries). I understand, but if he wants to be part of this family he needs to chip in like one. He gets it now. Is also looking for a part time job. Applied at 2 places today. I have 3 jobs to pay my half because DC isn't cutting it right now, so I'm glad he see's that, even though I support his career, it may not be cutting it right now in his slow season. Doesn't mean he has to leave completely (he's amazing at what he does).

So things are back to normal now. He got to eat his left over pot roast last night and he treated up to pizza dinner this evening No work for me. Excellent.
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Old 11-25-2013, 03:23 PM
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Nope! He apologized last night and we had a discussion about it. He stated why he said that and that it was uncalled for and that he's just stressed about money (its a big jump for him since mommy wasn't charging him rent or groceries). I understand, but if he wants to be part of this family he needs to chip in like one. He gets it now. Is also looking for a part time job. Applied at 2 places today. I have 3 jobs to pay my half because DC isn't cutting it right now, so I'm glad he see's that, even though I support his career, it may not be cutting it right now in his slow season. Doesn't mean he has to leave completely (he's amazing at what he does).

So things are back to normal now. He got to eat his left over pot roast last night and he treated up to pizza dinner this evening No work for me. Excellent.
glad that you guys worked it all out. My husband now joined me when I had two kids and he was still living at home. So like yours he jumped into an instant family. It took some molding and patience on my part, but we are always able to work things out.

He has been unemployed as a physician for almost a year, but started his own company that makes little to no money. It has been hard for me to stand by it, but I would be a hypocrite in my own right if I didn't, because he has always supported mine.

I am sure you will have many more moments like this, just keep your head up and smiling.
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Old 11-27-2013, 05:05 AM
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Can't say for anyone else but I know that I for one am not teaching anyone a lesson. My husband has a hard time empathizing with anyone on just about any issue because of his childhood. He's been on his own since he was in his teens and fended for himself. He's set in his ways so to speak and he's not a "talker". He's better than he was before but I can talk to him until I'm blue in the face about how we needed a gate to the kitchen to keep the kids safe and out of there and it just wasn't a big deal to him so it was a non-issue.... until my son got into the dishwasher and grabbed a knife and tried poking my leg with it and once he did the same again and cut four fingers and his palm.

I talked to him about putting his shoes away and even compromised and just asked to at least not leave them near the steo that leads into the garage. Guess who tripped and fell on his shoes while she was pregnant because they were at the bottom of the stair in the garage? This girl right here.

Things just don't seem to be a big deal to him so I need to find another way to show him what I mean. Talking gets me nowhere. BUT he's a hard worker, loves us, takes care of us, is an excellent father and an all around good guy. I just don't want to keep hurting myself or have someone else hurt themselves and I don't want to feel like my opinions don't matter. He;s come a long way and I can ignore lots of his other quirks. I just choose my battles.

This just makes it sound like your husband doesn't value your opinion or wants until it somehow affects him. It took him you falling down a flight of stairs while you were pregnant to move his shoes?!?!? Or was this your way of showing him it was unsafe?!?!
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Old 11-27-2013, 01:01 PM
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Nope! He apologized last night and we had a discussion about it. He stated why he said that and that it was uncalled for and that he's just stressed about money (its a big jump for him since mommy wasn't charging him rent or groceries). I understand, but if he wants to be part of this family he needs to chip in like one. He gets it now. Is also looking for a part time job. Applied at 2 places today. I have 3 jobs to pay my half because DC isn't cutting it right now, so I'm glad he see's that, even though I support his career, it may not be cutting it right now in his slow season. Doesn't mean he has to leave completely (he's amazing at what he does).

So things are back to normal now. He got to eat his left over pot roast last night and he treated up to pizza dinner this evening No work for me. Excellent.
I started a pt jb in Oct and LOVE it! I leave the house at 4:45 and get home at 9:30 so ot doesnt kill me and monday I have replacement dck's starting sl I can throw the pt job money into a vacation acct!! I hope you have as much luck.
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