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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Need Suggestions Please :(
small_steps 12:19 PM 11-02-2011
I have a 2 1/2 year old boy in my care that is about to drive me up the wall. I'm close to terminating but I'd like to feel like I've tried everything before I go that route. He is a very disrespectful child in my opinion. He tells me "No" a lot. He yells this weird sound at me when he is mad...kinda like a nasally type sound lol. I've had it with his attitude. Lately he has been hitting the other kids that I have here, especially the ones that are smaller than him. I have noticed my 18 month old dc girl has started copying his sounds when I tell her something. I don't want this to rub off on anyone else. I've tried time outs and redirection. I use a firm voice with him. I just don't know what else to try with him. I've had him since he was 10 months old and I do like his mom. She pays on time and picks up on time and I really never have any trouble with her.
A little background on him and their family...mom and dad are having major problems and probably about to split up (kid has been acting up for about 5-6 months now). Sister is 11 and has been kicked out of 2 (that I know of) after school programs. Big brother that's 16 just had a run in with the cops a few weeks ago for behavior problems. SO it doesn't look like he has a good example at home to follow.
Does anyone have any tips? Like I said I don't want to terminate but I'm at my limit with him unless I can find something that works.
A little background on him and their family...mom and dad are having major problems and probably about to split up (kid has been acting up for about 5-6 months now). Sister is 11 and has been kicked out of 2 (that I know of) after school programs. Big brother that's 16 just had a run in with the cops a few weeks ago for behavior problems. SO it doesn't look like he has a good example at home to follow.
Does anyone have any tips? Like I said I don't want to terminate but I'm at my limit with him unless I can find something that works.
wdmmom 12:43 PM 11-02-2011
Hold on cuz it's going to be a rough road ahead if you don't nip this in the bud and today.
You're going to have to get mean. Get stern. Show him that you are the boss, these are your rules and you mean business.
Simple word phrases. NO, STOP IT, GO PLAY, DON'T HIT, TIME OUT, ETC.
You catch him misbehaving, snatch him up, and tell him time out while placing him there.
He makes noise, tell him BE QUIET or STOP IT or put additional consequences on it.
If you are firm and stand by your rules and punishments, he will conform or get worse. If he rebels, terminate.
You're going to have to get mean. Get stern. Show him that you are the boss, these are your rules and you mean business.
Simple word phrases. NO, STOP IT, GO PLAY, DON'T HIT, TIME OUT, ETC.
You catch him misbehaving, snatch him up, and tell him time out while placing him there.
He makes noise, tell him BE QUIET or STOP IT or put additional consequences on it.
If you are firm and stand by your rules and punishments, he will conform or get worse. If he rebels, terminate.
kidkair 12:45 PM 11-02-2011
Make a list of all his behaviors that you don't want to tolerate. It's probably a long list by this point so you'll want to organize the list in order of the most violent down to just a bit annoying but not causing anyone harm. Pick the top three and focus on correcting just those three. First step is to tally the behavior. Continue doing what you are doing but tally how many times every day he does the top three. Do this for a few days. This will be your baseline. For the next week focus on correcting those three behaviors. Over focus on them. Do everything you can think of to help him not do those behaviors (post them here for suggestions if you run out of ideas). Ignore the rest of the list for now (unless he hurts someone). After the week start a new tally of the three behaviors. Do this tally for the same amount of days as your first tally. Then compare the tallies. Did you get any improvement? Did any of the ignored behaviors improve? If there is no improvement then it may be that you have done all you can and it's time to send him off.
daycare 12:48 PM 11-02-2011
it sounds like he needs to be shown how you want him to behave.
Kids like this are my specialty. I have a ton of energy and am very animated, which I know some adult can't take. Guess this is why I work so well with kids and not the adults.
When he does something wrong, instead of telling him NO, or putting him in time out, or making a big deal out of it, show him what you want him to do.
Catch him in action of hitting another. Stop his hand by taking your hand and telling him JOhnny, lets have nice hands, hands are for holding or hands are for building blocks...Something to this extend.
When he screams, ignore it. Pay it no mind at all. If he does it once you can say JOhnny, here is a nice sound you can make, we all love this sound and show him. I might even tell him the other sound hurts our ears and makes us feel very sad. Make sure you always give the victim lots and lots of attention and ZERO to him.
I am not the best at telling others how to do it like nannyde. She has some great way with words and a ton of experience.
Kids like this are my specialty. I have a ton of energy and am very animated, which I know some adult can't take. Guess this is why I work so well with kids and not the adults.
When he does something wrong, instead of telling him NO, or putting him in time out, or making a big deal out of it, show him what you want him to do.
Catch him in action of hitting another. Stop his hand by taking your hand and telling him JOhnny, lets have nice hands, hands are for holding or hands are for building blocks...Something to this extend.
When he screams, ignore it. Pay it no mind at all. If he does it once you can say JOhnny, here is a nice sound you can make, we all love this sound and show him. I might even tell him the other sound hurts our ears and makes us feel very sad. Make sure you always give the victim lots and lots of attention and ZERO to him.
I am not the best at telling others how to do it like nannyde. She has some great way with words and a ton of experience.
small_steps 12:50 PM 11-02-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Hold on cuz it's going to be a rough road ahead if you don't nip this in the bud and today.
You're going to have to get mean. Get stern. Show him that you are the boss, these are your rules and you mean business.
Simple word phrases. NO, STOP IT, GO PLAY, DON'T HIT, TIME OUT, ETC.
You catch him misbehaving, snatch him up, and tell him time out while placing him there.
He makes noise, tell him BE QUIET or STOP IT or put additional consequences on it.
If you are firm and stand by your rules and punishments, he will conform or get worse. If he rebels, terminate.
I have been pretty firm Hold on cuz it's going to be a rough road ahead if you don't nip this in the bud and today.
You're going to have to get mean. Get stern. Show him that you are the boss, these are your rules and you mean business.
Simple word phrases. NO, STOP IT, GO PLAY, DON'T HIT, TIME OUT, ETC.
You catch him misbehaving, snatch him up, and tell him time out while placing him there.
He makes noise, tell him BE QUIET or STOP IT or put additional consequences on it.
If you are firm and stand by your rules and punishments, he will conform or get worse. If he rebels, terminate.
...not sure how much more firm I can be. I've been pretty consistent too, at least as much as possible with having 8 other children in care. I'm in the process of hiring an assistant and maybe when she is here I can spend more time working with him. I heard him to the screaming at his mom the other day and she got onto him but it didn't seem to phase him. Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try using more simple phrases because maybe he isn't understanding me well enough.
small_steps 12:54 PM 11-02-2011
Originally Posted by kidkair:
Make a list of all his behaviors that you don't want to tolerate. It's probably a long list by this point so you'll want to organize the list in order of the most violent down to just a bit annoying but not causing anyone harm. Pick the top three and focus on correcting just those three. First step is to tally the behavior. Continue doing what you are doing but tally how many times every day he does the top three. Do this for a few days. This will be your baseline. For the next week focus on correcting those three behaviors. Over focus on them. Do everything you can think of to help him not do those behaviors (post them here for suggestions if you run out of ideas). Ignore the rest of the list for now (unless he hurts someone). After the week start a new tally of the three behaviors. Do this tally for the same amount of days as your first tally. Then compare the tallies. Did you get any improvement? Did any of the ignored behaviors improve? If there is no improvement then it may be that you have done all you can and it's time to send him off.
I am definately going to try this. It will help me see if there is really any improvement and right now even a little improvement would be encouraging. Thanks for the tip Make a list of all his behaviors that you don't want to tolerate. It's probably a long list by this point so you'll want to organize the list in order of the most violent down to just a bit annoying but not causing anyone harm. Pick the top three and focus on correcting just those three. First step is to tally the behavior. Continue doing what you are doing but tally how many times every day he does the top three. Do this for a few days. This will be your baseline. For the next week focus on correcting those three behaviors. Over focus on them. Do everything you can think of to help him not do those behaviors (post them here for suggestions if you run out of ideas). Ignore the rest of the list for now (unless he hurts someone). After the week start a new tally of the three behaviors. Do this tally for the same amount of days as your first tally. Then compare the tallies. Did you get any improvement? Did any of the ignored behaviors improve? If there is no improvement then it may be that you have done all you can and it's time to send him off.
small_steps 12:58 PM 11-02-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
it sounds like he needs to be shown how you want him to behave.
Kids like this are my specialty. I have a ton of energy and am very animated, which I know some adult can't take. Guess this is why I work so well with kids and not the adults.
When he does something wrong, instead of telling him NO, or putting him in time out, or making a big deal out of it, show him what you want him to do.
Catch him in action of hitting another. Stop his hand by taking your hand and telling him JOhnny, lets have nice hands, hands are for holding or hands are for building blocks...Something to this extend.
When he screams, ignore it. Pay it no mind at all. If he does it once you can say JOhnny, here is a nice sound you can make, we all love this sound and show him. I might even tell him the other sound hurts our ears and makes us feel very sad. Make sure you always give the victim lots and lots of attention and ZERO to him.
I am not the best at telling others how to do it like nannyde. She has some great way with words and a ton of experience.
I probably do need to ignore his screams a little more. It's just that sometimes he seems to not let up. Maybe he is after the attention that he gets from the negative behavior. A few days ago he got mad right after his mom dropped him at breakfast for some reason, and just swiped his plate, food still on it, off the table and onto the floor. I made him clean it up and literally had to take his hand and walk him to the food and then the trash and back and forth til he had it all picked up. Just things like that he'll do and it drives me bonkers. He's really bad about throwing my toys and things and I do make him pick them up but that is also a battle.it sounds like he needs to be shown how you want him to behave.
Kids like this are my specialty. I have a ton of energy and am very animated, which I know some adult can't take. Guess this is why I work so well with kids and not the adults.
When he does something wrong, instead of telling him NO, or putting him in time out, or making a big deal out of it, show him what you want him to do.
Catch him in action of hitting another. Stop his hand by taking your hand and telling him JOhnny, lets have nice hands, hands are for holding or hands are for building blocks...Something to this extend.
When he screams, ignore it. Pay it no mind at all. If he does it once you can say JOhnny, here is a nice sound you can make, we all love this sound and show him. I might even tell him the other sound hurts our ears and makes us feel very sad. Make sure you always give the victim lots and lots of attention and ZERO to him.
I am not the best at telling others how to do it like nannyde. She has some great way with words and a ton of experience.
daycare 01:06 PM 11-02-2011
Of course he is doing it to get attention. Kids will repeat the behaviors that will get them the most attention. YOu need to find a way to just remove him from the others in a safe area and let him act it out. IGNORE it.
I had one that flipped the entire food table during snack because he was mad that mommy was not going to pick up him and he would have to nap at DC.
The hard part to accept is that it will be a lot of hard work for you, as you have to follow through 100%. Don't leave open room for negotiations. Once you do, you have set yourself up for a battle
I also give choices..LIke my old screamer...you can chose to sit on your nap mat or you can chose to stop and paint with us. I count to 5 in my head. I then say johnny, I really would love for you to paint with us what is your decision? If I get no answer, I then chose for him, which would be nap mat and he will not get to paint. You have to give realistic consequences and then follow through, it will be hard work on you too..
I had one that flipped the entire food table during snack because he was mad that mommy was not going to pick up him and he would have to nap at DC.
The hard part to accept is that it will be a lot of hard work for you, as you have to follow through 100%. Don't leave open room for negotiations. Once you do, you have set yourself up for a battle
I also give choices..LIke my old screamer...you can chose to sit on your nap mat or you can chose to stop and paint with us. I count to 5 in my head. I then say johnny, I really would love for you to paint with us what is your decision? If I get no answer, I then chose for him, which would be nap mat and he will not get to paint. You have to give realistic consequences and then follow through, it will be hard work on you too..
small_steps 10:36 AM 11-07-2011
Little boy was out for two days and now it's Monday and he's here and making up for lost time I guess. He has been such a little stinker today...hitting and screaming and throwing things.
It was so nice those two days without him. I keep telling myself "today I'm going to give his mom notice", but then I never do. Even though it takes a load of stress off of me, she's just so nice and I know she doesn't want him to act like this. My assistant is supposed to start next week so maybe with a 2nd pair of hands this will get better.
It was so nice those two days without him. I keep telling myself "today I'm going to give his mom notice", but then I never do. Even though it takes a load of stress off of me, she's just so nice and I know she doesn't want him to act like this. My assistant is supposed to start next week so maybe with a 2nd pair of hands this will get better.