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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Dealing With A Repeat Offender
Meyou 05:48 AM 04-12-2011
I have a DCG (3.5) who is quite rough. She primarily picks on her little sister (not quite 2) but she hits/pushes/lays on/etc at least one other child per day. She is an attention seeking child by nature and likes to pick at anyone quietly doing their own thing instead of paying attention to her.
It's been a problem since her sister began walking at 14 months but has escalated the past few weeks. Younger sis has become very independent and basically wants nothing to do with big sis and it's driving her mad. I've been using timeouts and redirection but there was an incident yesterday that scared me so badly that I spoke with the parents last night and decided I had to try something different for the safety of the other children here.
I've placed small basket of toys in one of the naprooms which is close to our play area and I've told the kids anyone using their hands to be naughty will have to play alone so I can keep the other children safe. I gave warnings the first two times DCG hit today and the third time I places her in the "play alone" area. She went apepoop crazy. Screaming, kicking and threw herself on the floor. She screamed for 25 minutes before she stopped and at that point I went to calmly tell her that she was in the new play alone area because she was using her hands to hurt my friends. She fussed some more but stayed where she was asked and started playing after about 20 minutes. After 15 minutes of quiet playing I asked her if she thought she could keep her hands to herself and she said yes so I let her out. She was out for 25 minutes before she hit someone else with a toy and then threatened him not to cry or tell. I was right behind her. lol So back to the room and repeat the above reaction again.
Do you think this technique will work if I stick it out for a few days? She loathes not knowing what's going on and being in the middle of things so I though this would be a good and natural consequence for her. But I didn't expect the tantrums to be honest. She's not a screamer and I don't like that she's freaking...but on the other hand....maybe that means I've found the right thing for her.
They are a lovely family and great little girls. This is the only issue I have with either of them and it's jealousy based so I really want to sort it out.
It's been a problem since her sister began walking at 14 months but has escalated the past few weeks. Younger sis has become very independent and basically wants nothing to do with big sis and it's driving her mad. I've been using timeouts and redirection but there was an incident yesterday that scared me so badly that I spoke with the parents last night and decided I had to try something different for the safety of the other children here.
I've placed small basket of toys in one of the naprooms which is close to our play area and I've told the kids anyone using their hands to be naughty will have to play alone so I can keep the other children safe. I gave warnings the first two times DCG hit today and the third time I places her in the "play alone" area. She went apepoop crazy. Screaming, kicking and threw herself on the floor. She screamed for 25 minutes before she stopped and at that point I went to calmly tell her that she was in the new play alone area because she was using her hands to hurt my friends. She fussed some more but stayed where she was asked and started playing after about 20 minutes. After 15 minutes of quiet playing I asked her if she thought she could keep her hands to herself and she said yes so I let her out. She was out for 25 minutes before she hit someone else with a toy and then threatened him not to cry or tell. I was right behind her. lol So back to the room and repeat the above reaction again.
Do you think this technique will work if I stick it out for a few days? She loathes not knowing what's going on and being in the middle of things so I though this would be a good and natural consequence for her. But I didn't expect the tantrums to be honest. She's not a screamer and I don't like that she's freaking...but on the other hand....maybe that means I've found the right thing for her.
They are a lovely family and great little girls. This is the only issue I have with either of them and it's jealousy based so I really want to sort it out.
Live and Learn 06:22 AM 04-12-2011
Originally Posted by Meyou:
I gave warnings the first two times DCG hit today and the third time I places her in the "play alone" area.
To be honest I would not have give her 2 chances/warnings not to hit. You know her well enough to know she will hit every day. I would say from now on ZERO chances/warnings.I gave warnings the first two times DCG hit today and the third time I places her in the "play alone" area.
I would give her parents notice to get on top of this or you will term.
Imagine how your other dc families feel about their children being hit and kicked.
I have a zero tolerance policy for violence here. My #1 job is to keep everyone safe in my care.
missnikki 06:29 AM 04-12-2011
Originally Posted by Live and Learn:
To be honest I would not have give her 2 chances/warnings not to hit. You know her well enough to know she will hit every day. I would say from now on ZERO chances/warnings.
I would give her parents notice to get on top of this or you will term.
Imagine how your other dc families feel about their children being hit and kicked.
I have a zero tolerance policy for violence here. My #1 job is to keep everyone safe in my care.
I think it sounds like you found the 'Hot Button' if she wants to get away with hitting without getting sent out.To be honest I would not have give her 2 chances/warnings not to hit. You know her well enough to know she will hit every day. I would say from now on ZERO chances/warnings.
I would give her parents notice to get on top of this or you will term.
Imagine how your other dc families feel about their children being hit and kicked.
I have a zero tolerance policy for violence here. My #1 job is to keep everyone safe in my care.
I agree with the Zero tolerance at this point too. I would make sure to tell her that I am keeping everyone safe so you have to play alone, and I would do it to keep you safe too if someone was hitting you.
Meyou 06:35 AM 04-12-2011
She was given warnings and normal timeouts the first two times...warnings that repeated behavior would mean time in the "time alone" spot. She didn't just get away with it.
It's not worth terming over espcially since most of the behavior is directed towards her sister not other people's children. She's a good girl except for the extreme jealously which comes out as hitting/pushing. She also can't stand other kids or adults talking to me at all. She has to be right there doing some trick to be the center of attention. She is the exact same way at home and they are tough on her.
Honestly terming won't solve anything. They'll go to a new provider who may not be as diligent as I am and little sis will be seriously hurt. I can't live with that on my mind. She smothered her sister yesterday to prevent her from telling for hitting. I KNEW something was up even though I was around the corner at the time from the sounds coming from little sis. Someone else....might not have realized until it was too late.
It's not worth terming over espcially since most of the behavior is directed towards her sister not other people's children. She's a good girl except for the extreme jealously which comes out as hitting/pushing. She also can't stand other kids or adults talking to me at all. She has to be right there doing some trick to be the center of attention. She is the exact same way at home and they are tough on her.
Honestly terming won't solve anything. They'll go to a new provider who may not be as diligent as I am and little sis will be seriously hurt. I can't live with that on my mind. She smothered her sister yesterday to prevent her from telling for hitting. I KNEW something was up even though I was around the corner at the time from the sounds coming from little sis. Someone else....might not have realized until it was too late.
Live and Learn 07:09 AM 04-12-2011
Originally Posted by Meyou:
She was given warnings and normal timeouts the first two times...warnings that repeated behavior would mean time in the "time alone" spot. She didn't just get away with it.
Let's ask ourselves what are you teaching her?She was given warnings and normal timeouts the first two times...warnings that repeated behavior would mean time in the "time alone" spot. She didn't just get away with it.
IMO ....you are teaching her that it is ok to hit, kick, push twice a day. (because she isn't getting disciplined until the third strike.)
IMO .....you are teaching her it is ok to hit, kick, push if it "mostly" the little sister.
If this is what you are trying to teach her then by all means keeping on giving chances and warnings!
Would you want your own child to be hit/kicked/pushed around at school the way this child is treating her sister?
SISTER OR NOT IT IS YOUR JOB TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE!
Country Kids 07:22 AM 04-12-2011
Oh My Goodness! I would be terrified to watch that child. She is a bully and only 3.5 years old. What makes her a bully? Hitting other kids and then threatening them not to tell! There is no way I would watch her after she tried to "Smother" her little sitter. She is a huge liability that I wouldn't want to have on my hands. What happens if she really would hurt a child in your care? Her parents need to seek help for her! Where is she learning the behavior of telling the kids don't tell after I hurt you or I will hurt you more! I would not being worried about the time outs because it is time you take control of this situation and show her that while she is in your care you are the boss and she will not be permitted to hurt anyone. Please talk to the parents and encourage them to get some type of help for her before she really hurts a child.
Meyou 07:52 AM 04-12-2011
If anyone would like to offer advice other than terming I'd appreciate it. She is not a demon and she doesn't get away with anything here. Her behavior is met with consequences immediately at here and at home. She is a very jealous and overbearing child who needs to learn that it's not all about her. This is specific behavior, she's fine and sweet the rest of the time....most of the time.
As for preventing her sister from telling I'm pretty sure most 3 year olds who have been disiplined for the same thing over and over would figure out that if the kids don't tell then there is no punishment. It's not rocket science especially for a very intelligent child.
The parents are mortified and I'm trying to find a solution and teach this little girl to control herself and that its ok to not be the center of attention all the time. I GET that her behavior is over the top.....but I'm not looking for speculation about her future behavior and how I'm putting other kids in danger. All of the parents know how this little one is.....so asking me how parents would feel if they knew is not constructive either. They are always supervised and I have never had a serious injury. In fact the times I've had to use bandaids in the past few years is probably less than 10 times.
Sorry if I'm defensive but I thought twice about posting given the trend to only give the advice to TERM TERM TERM. I was hoping someone had something constructive to offer.
Everything is documented and Dad and I speak at lunch everyday. We've ALL been working together on her behavior for months with success. It was this incident yesterday that made me think I needed to do something more. For the record....she was beside herself once she understood she could have really hurt her sister. She has huge remorse. I'm rambling now....
As for preventing her sister from telling I'm pretty sure most 3 year olds who have been disiplined for the same thing over and over would figure out that if the kids don't tell then there is no punishment. It's not rocket science especially for a very intelligent child.
The parents are mortified and I'm trying to find a solution and teach this little girl to control herself and that its ok to not be the center of attention all the time. I GET that her behavior is over the top.....but I'm not looking for speculation about her future behavior and how I'm putting other kids in danger. All of the parents know how this little one is.....so asking me how parents would feel if they knew is not constructive either. They are always supervised and I have never had a serious injury. In fact the times I've had to use bandaids in the past few years is probably less than 10 times.
Sorry if I'm defensive but I thought twice about posting given the trend to only give the advice to TERM TERM TERM. I was hoping someone had something constructive to offer.
Everything is documented and Dad and I speak at lunch everyday. We've ALL been working together on her behavior for months with success. It was this incident yesterday that made me think I needed to do something more. For the record....she was beside herself once she understood she could have really hurt her sister. She has huge remorse. I'm rambling now....
nannyde 07:24 AM 04-12-2011
Originally Posted by Meyou:
She smothered her sister yesterday to prevent her from telling for hitting. I KNEW something was up even though I was around the corner at the time from the sounds coming from little sis. Someone else....might not have realized until it was too late.
She smothered her sister yesterday to prevent her from telling for hitting. I KNEW something was up even though I was around the corner at the time from the sounds coming from little sis. Someone else....might not have realized until it was too late.
18 years of child care and I haven't had a smothering attempt yet.