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SilverSabre25 08:02 PM 08-27-2013
Someone mentioned something recently about being a surrogate...can you PM me? I have some questions. Thank you!
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Michael 12:07 AM 08-28-2013
This is the thread: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45210
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Lavender 06:45 AM 08-28-2013
I've been a surrogate and would be happy to answer any questions. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my entire life. Lives are forever changed because I offered to help.
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LaLa1923 07:45 AM 08-28-2013
I would love to be a surrogate!
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Familycare71 07:55 AM 08-28-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
I've been a surrogate and would be happy to answer any questions. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my entire life. Lives are forever changed because I offered to help.

How amazing!!!
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craftymissbeth 08:31 AM 08-28-2013
We would love to HAVE a surrogate
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Cradle2crayons 09:16 AM 08-28-2013
My husband and I wanted to do surrogacy but its so expensive. I've heard of the surrogates getting thousands and thousands of dollars etc. we could never afford that.
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preschoolteacher 09:24 AM 08-28-2013
I seriously considered being a surrogate when I was pregnant with my son. I had the most amazing, glorious pregnancy. I felt GREAT and beautiful, had abundant energy, felt like I could conquer the world. I seriously considered being a surrogate in the future at that point... Unfortunately, my fantastic pregnancy led to a baby who was 16 days late, a failed induction, and a c-section--so I am not eligible now to do surrogacy. It's such an amazing gift and I have a lot of respect for women who choose to do it.
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melilley 09:46 AM 08-28-2013
I always tell my husband that I would be a surrogate! I loved being pregnant (twice) and would love to help someone else, but I don't know if I could be emotionally ready because I honestly would have a really hard time giving the baby to his/her parents! My hormones go crazy and I get soooo emotional after the birth!

Kudos to those who have done it and helped someone else!
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Lavender 10:15 AM 08-28-2013
Originally Posted by melilley:
I always tell my husband that I would be a surrogate! I loved being pregnant (twice) and would love to help someone else, but I don't know if I could be emotionally ready because I honestly would have a really hard time giving the baby to his/her parents! My hormones go crazy and I get soooo emotional after the birth!

Kudos to those who have done it and helped someone else!
IMO that is a big misconception about surrogacy. It's not like adoption, it's not like your own child. I chose to do it and I knew from the start that it was not my baby. I bonded with the baby during pregnancy and I love the baby, but it is in a different way. I'm an emotional and connected person, it's probably why it was such an amazing experience for me. Sometimes I feel like people think only a disconnected or cold person could do it and that is so far from who I am.
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melilley 10:23 AM 08-28-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
IMO that is a big misconception about surrogacy. It's not like adoption, it's not like your own child. I chose to do it and I knew from the start that it was not my baby. I bonded with the baby during pregnancy and I love the baby, but it is in a different way. I'm an emotional and connected person, it's probably why it was such an amazing experience for me. Sometimes I feel like people think only a disconnected or cold person could do it and that is so far from who I am.
Sorry I hope I didn't make you feel that way, that was not my intention!
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Provider_Manda 12:46 PM 08-28-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
I've been a surrogate and would be happy to answer any questions. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my entire life. Lives are forever changed because I offered to help.
This is wonderful!! I lost two daughter's they was both preemies, and I would have loved to have had a surrogate mother. Such a selfless act
We was able to adopt our son at birth, so we have been very blessed.
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Cradle2crayons 01:05 PM 08-28-2013
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
I seriously considered being a surrogate when I was pregnant with my son. I had the most amazing, glorious pregnancy. I felt GREAT and beautiful, had abundant energy, felt like I could conquer the world. I seriously considered being a surrogate in the future at that point... Unfortunately, my fantastic pregnancy led to a baby who was 16 days late, a failed induction, and a c-section--so I am not eligible now to do surrogacy. It's such an amazing gift and I have a lot of respect for women who choose to do it.
Because your baby was late and you had a c section that makes you unable to be a surrogate?? In all my years of research before we adopted, I never heard such?
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Patches 07:18 PM 08-28-2013
Being a surrogate is my DREAM. I always wanted to do it, but my state "frowns upon" compensated surrogacy. The look at it as kiddie trafficking, so it's pretty much impossible to do it where I live (I've tried several times)
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Familycare71 07:25 PM 08-28-2013
I would love to and have thought about it earlier in my life- but I am allergic to so many antibiotics I chose not to get pregnant again with my own child. I LOVE being pregnant tho and would love to give that gift to another person! I am so happy to hear of people who have done it and loved it.
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Former Teacher 01:36 PM 09-21-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
I've been a surrogate and would be happy to answer any questions. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my entire life. Lives are forever changed because I offered to help.
Oh Lavender

My DH and I have been talking about having a surrogate. I have a TON of questions. I don't know where to start. If you don't mind can you PM or tell me here about your experience etc.

Thanks!
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Cradle2crayons 02:45 PM 09-21-2013
Originally Posted by Patches:
Being a surrogate is my DREAM. I always wanted to do it, but my state "frowns upon" compensated surrogacy. The look at it as kiddie trafficking, so it's pretty much impossible to do it where I live (I've tried several times)
I hear you. My state doesn't do surrogacy either. There isn't any such thing as surrogacy here. Is all covered under adoption.
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Lavender 03:17 PM 09-21-2013
A link to laws/outcomes by state:

http://www.creativefamilyconnections...-law-practices

You can click on your state to find out specifics.
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jokalima 04:13 PM 09-21-2013
For those of you that have done it.. How much do you get paid? Do you have an idea of how much parents to be have to spend at all?
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Former Teacher 04:57 PM 09-21-2013
Originally Posted by jokalima:
For those of you that have done it.. How much do you get paid? Do you have an idea of how much parents to be have to spend at all?
We so want to get this done for us but don't know where to start.

And thanks to Jokalima I have more questions
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Sunshine74 09:25 PM 09-21-2013
Originally Posted by Former Teacher:
We so want to get this done for us but don't know where to start.

And thanks to Jokalima I have more questions
And thanks to this thread, I have a ton of questions. I would love to have children, but it is not working out.
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Former Teacher 09:39 PM 09-21-2013
I contacted a long time friend-one that once told me she would carry a child for me.

Well I contacted her and she said she would still do it!

I bought one of those home kits. Now its just the waiting game until next month
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BABYLUVER 09:58 PM 09-21-2013
I'm a 3x going on 4x surrogate (I will be matching with my intended family next month and hoping for Jan/Feb transfer). I PM'ed you, Silversabre.


To the PP that stated she had a c-sec...Only SOME agencies restrict if you have EVER had a section. I do know surros who have done up to THREE sections. Most OB/RE offices will cut off after that for safety reasons.I had a crash c-sec with my own twins prior to surrogacy. I was still qualified. Since your baby was LATE, you'd have a better chance than what I thought I had having my twins early (but still got approved because the c-sec had to do with presentation AND multiple gestation so the risk was limited to that specific case). It can be done!

As far as pay/costs: It's a range. If you're a first time surrogate, the average is $18k-22k (depending on state) + medical insurance and expenses but I know surros who have done it for nothing but expenses (ESP in Canada, where comped surrogacy is illegal) and others who have done it for more (I don't know many IP's willing to pay first-timers a whole lot more. Many will pay a couple thousand more to experienced ones, but not all). If you're an IP, you should have around $80-$100K (it's broad due to some people need to use egg or sperm donors) and be prepared for ANYTHING! You should also secure insurance for the baby after he/she is born.

Anyone is free to ask anything. It doesn't bother me. I do have an agency and if anyone is serious about either doing surrogacy as a surrogate OR an IP, pm me and I'll name the agency.
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Lavender 05:15 AM 09-22-2013
Originally Posted by Former Teacher:
I contacted a long time friend-one that once told me she would carry a child for me.

Well I contacted her and she said she would still do it!

I bought one of those home kits. Now its just the waiting game until next month
You NEED a contract in place before you proceed. Uncompensated does not matter. Which state will the baby be born in? I might be able to point you towards a lawyer who specializes in surrogacy contracts. I'm so happy for you that you found a friend to help!

ETA both parties should also have FDA screening done.
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Former Teacher 06:28 AM 09-22-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
You NEED a contract in place before you proceed. Uncompensated does not matter. Which state will the baby be born in? I might be able to point you towards a lawyer who specializes in surrogacy contracts. I'm so happy for you that you found a friend to help!

ETA both parties should also have FDA screening done.
Oh yes. We plan on having a contract signed before she gets pregnant and after the baby is born. Can you please tell me what all needs to be in it? Do we have to have a lawyer or will a notary be good?

And not to totally sound stupid but what is a FDA screening? I have never heard of that.

Thank you SO much Lavender!
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sahm1225 06:44 AM 09-22-2013
I've always wanted to be a surragate so thank you for this post. I'm saying a prayer for you former teacher.

Can you pm me the name of the agency? My youngest child has a super rare chromosome disorder (totally random, not genetic) but I am worried that that would disqualify me.
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Former Teacher 06:48 AM 09-22-2013
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
I've always wanted to be a surragate so thank you for this post. I'm saying a prayer for you former teacher.
Thank you sahm!
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Lavender 06:57 AM 09-22-2013
Originally Posted by Former Teacher:
Oh yes. We plan on having a contract signed before she gets pregnant and after the baby is born. Can you please tell me what all needs to be in it? Do we have to have a lawyer or will a notary be good?

And not to totally sound stupid but what is a FDA screening? I have never heard of that.

Thank you SO much Lavender!
http://www.fda.gov/BiologicsBloodVac...se/default.htm

The surrogate should also have an OB visit and have the Dr. check and make sure everything looks good. I had a lot more testing too, but it was required by the clinic we used. Other than infectious diseases and OB health, you should be okay.

Generally both parties should have their own lawyer (yes, even with uncompensated). Ours was a good 30 pages! It covers everything: all the what ifs (what happens if you die while she is pregnant, what happens if she is fatally injured before viability but life support could be utilized to get you there, what happens if she is put on bedrest and needs financial help with childcare and housecleaning, if your state allows pre or post birth court orders (most do, even ones mentioned previously on this thread as thought to not be surrogacy friendly) how must it be spelled out so that the correct parents' names are placed on the birth certificate, etc. The contract is going to be specific to the state the baby is born in so the lawyer who drafts it should be familiar with the surrogacy laws of that state.
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Former Teacher 07:09 AM 09-22-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
http://www.fda.gov/BiologicsBloodVac...se/default.htm

The surrogate should also have an OB visit and have the Dr. check and make sure everything looks good. I had a lot more testing too, but it was required by the clinic we used. Other than infectious diseases and OB health, you should be okay.

Generally both parties should have their own lawyer (yes, even with uncompensated). Ours was a good 30 pages! It covers everything: all the what ifs (what happens if you die while she is pregnant, what happens if she is fatally injured before viability but life support could be utilized to get you there, what happens if she is put on bedrest and needs financial help with childcare and housecleaning, if your state allows pre or post birth court orders (most do, even ones mentioned previously on this thread as thought to not be surrogacy friendly) how must it be spelled out so that the correct parents' names are placed on the birth certificate, etc. The contract is going to be specific to the state the baby is born in so the lawyer who drafts it should be familiar with the surrogacy laws of that state.
All I can say is yuck

Looks like I will be doing a lot more research!

Google here I come!
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BABYLUVER 10:06 AM 09-22-2013
Definitely contracts and be VERY thorough with them. I help surrogates review contracts. Lawyers often will write them in favor of the IP's or the surrogate and forget the other side also needs protection. Insurance is a big place where many times, contracts need severe adjustments.

One thing to know: NEVER (if you're a surrogate) EVER put another person's baby on your insurance. It is insurance fraud because you signed a contract before getting pregnant KNOWING you are not the child's parent and therefore, it is already pre-determined that the baby is not yours, and your contract would prove it if your insurance agency chose to take you to court to pursue a request to pay them back + damages and they still have the right to sue if they find that you knowingly submitted a non-dependent to receive services they are not entitled to. (Read your insurance packet, there is a lot of info in there). You also must send your insurance packet into your lawyer for review at the beginning of your journey. For example, some insurance companies will exclude surrogacy altogether, so if you're an IP, you have to secure some type of insurance for your surrogate. If you're a surrogate, you may have to wait for the IP's to secure you a policy.

There are some that INCLUDE surrogacy if you are acting as the surrogate. mine does. It's great! But those companies are very rare.

That's one major area I saw some serious conflict in the contracts. I'm writing up my contracts NOW and I don't even get through that phase for awhile but I'll basically send all my corrections to the lawyer for review.

Another area is Lost wages. You want to make sure that if you go on bedrest (surrogates) you do not lose a bunch of money because you can't do your job. Make SURE you keep very good records if you are self-employed because you have to prove your income prior and then again during any time you are out.

Taxes: That's on you. Either you will report or you won't. The agency won't be responsible for any fall that occurs from not filing your taxes. You are not 1099'ed with all agencies so you HAVE to consult with a tax expert so you are guided directly. If you're already self-employed, you already have a higher chance of being audited. You really want to follow your tax professionals' advice for your own protection.

Medical stuff: You will need copies of your OB medical records and hospital birth records. You may as well get them ready before you ever apply. You will take an MMPI-2/MMPI-2RF test and some of the agencies will use a SKYPE camera to observe you while doing it (SO DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE!!! LOL), others will actually have you do it at their office during your psychological/medical screening.

After the birth: Pre-birth order is the way to go in my state. Some states won't grant you one. If that's the case you do it in the way of an "adoption" but your orders should specify you are a surrogate, and not a birth mother. Your husband will sign a paternity acknowledgement form stating he is married to you but is NOT the child(ren's) father.

My best advice I can give is try very hard NOT to transfer multiple embryos! Unless you are prepared to carry twins or more, you do want to be very conservative. Transferring 1 carries the same chance of pregnancy as transferring 2. EXCEPT transferring 2 gives you a higher risk of actually carrying two where if you transfer 1, carrying twins from that is much more rare. Your heart will want to transfer more than one because everyone's story is very sad. But as a person who has been pregnant with twins THREE times and carried to term once, twins is no joke. Losing one of them isn't either. It's very difficult on you and your IP's emotionally, you physically and many times the babies physically. Additionally, while some people will say "It'll cost IP's $10K each transfer", I can promise you that is NOTHING compared to what they'll pay the NICU if their multiple babies go there for severe complications that often are associated with multiple gestation. Not to mention, if surromom has to have a c-section and ends up with complications related to the surgery. A lot can happen, so an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure!

If you take all the proper precautions and everyone protects themselves, ESPECIALLY IP's who can be screwed if not doing enough research (Surros can be screwed too, but usually it's monetary. IP's get screwed both monetarily and emotionally if the surro breaches contract and keeps the baby)

With anything, do your research. I love my agency. I have never had any REAL issues (with ANY business that handles such sensitive things, you'll have SOME problem with them at some point along the way) and with all the horror stories I have heard from people who switched (and then came back), I'm just going to use them for my 4th and final journey! They're great! If I was qualified to work there, I would apply because all the co-workers I'd gain are very awesome! lol

I don't name my agency here because I prefer to be PM'ed for my own privacy. I hope that can be understood and no one is offended.
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Maria2013 10:13 AM 09-22-2013
Originally Posted by Lavender:
Sometimes I feel like people think only a disconnected or cold person could do it and that is so far from who I am.
I don't think that^ yet I know I couldn't do it because of the same reasons as Melilley
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