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lucky 01:38 PM 07-10-2012
I have a situation I need some advice on. My 20 year old son, who works away in another state but stays with us every few months for 1-3 days on his break, got in trouble about 2 months ago and has to go to court Thursday so he's home this week. However, one of my dcp works for the county and knew what happened and came to me. My son was back in the other state working at the time. So, knowing this family who I have cared for 6years I made arrangements for him to stay with a family friend during daycare hours. I did make a point to let them know that he was home for a period but wouldn't be involved with daycare at all. This morning the dcd dropped off the child and I got a text 30 minutes later. My son's car was here as he went to work a job with a friend of ours who does odd jobs and I explained this. 5 minutes later I get another text dcd obviously meant for dcm that said "she texted me and said he's working with a friend but I have my doubts." My first reaction is to give them their notice because if they don't trust me to keep there child safe and to do what's right after 6 years maybe this isn't working. I should explain that it was a drug charge and nothing violent. He also hasn't been convicted of any crime.
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GotKids 01:49 PM 07-10-2012
in my state you have to report ANY law enforcement contact for any household members to the state right away. Depending on the type of contact the state my require that person not be in the home during business hours or in some cases give me the option of having the person relocate or handing over license. If haven't already check with your state and find out what your requirements are. As well as the possible outcomes should he be charged.

I see the biggest issue with your situation is the broken trust with your client. I would confront the situation calmly and if it were me, probably give notice. That is just me though trust is such an important part of Family childcare in my opinion. I would have the conversation in person and not over text. I think I would have a hard time continuing care with someone who didn't trust my word after all I am in charge in keeping her child safe for the majority the day, she should be able to trust me. However, talk to her, explain your responsibilities and let her know what your plan is. If she is still not comfortable or you can't come to a good feeling then I would let her go.
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lucky 01:56 PM 07-10-2012
I should have mentioned I did contact my licensor after the incident and unless he has a conviction there isn't anything else I need to do. He already has a clear background check on file from earlier this year.

It's the trust issue I am having an issue with. I went out of my way to be open and honest with them and for them to insinuate I am lying to them is hurtful.
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DCMom 02:10 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
I should have mentioned I did contact my licensor after the incident and unless he has a conviction there isn't anything else I need to do. He already has a clear background check on file from earlier this year.

It's the trust issue I am having an issue with. I went out of my way to be open and honest with them and for them to insinuate I am lying to them is hurtful.
You are being as straightforward as possible with licensing AND your client. If they choose not to trust your judgement (which it seems like they have) than you have make a choice of your own. We all make mistakes, especially when young and stupid. It would be different if he lived with you on a regular basis, but he visits. Personally, I would be handing them a two week notice tonight and siting the 'mistaken' text message as the reason.

I won't have someone who disrespects me or my family in my house. JMHO.
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lucky 02:20 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by DCMom:
You are being as straightforward as possible with licensing AND your client. If they choose not to trust your judgement (which it seems like they have) than you have make a choice of your own. We all make mistakes, especially when young and stupid. It would be different if he lived with you on a regular basis, but he visits. Personally, I would be handing them a two week notice tonight and siting the 'mistaken' text message as the reason.

I won't have someone who disrespects me or my family in my house. JMHO.
I know your right as that was my initial gut reaction after reading the text. If they don't trust me we can't work together.
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cheerfuldom 02:26 PM 07-10-2012
From the parents point of view, seeing the car there and knowing he is in and out of your house and that he is your son, I can see how they might be concerned at the conflict of interest. I dont see this at all being a term worthy offense. He said he has his doubts....why is that weird?

I would let him know that you did get that text and wanted to assure them, once again, that all was being handled professionally and within state regulations. If they have any doubts, they are welcome to discuss and you will do what you can to assure them that your daycare will be run in a first class manner, as it has been run for many years. Sometimes people do need a little extra reassurance, that seems normal.
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MN Day Mom 02:38 PM 07-10-2012
If your son hasn't been convicted of anything that would pose a threat to the daycare children and he has a clear background check then I don't see why he needs to stay away from the home while children are present?

I think maybe having him stay away for whatever reason has given this family reason to believe that he isn't safe to have around the children.

I agree. If they do not trust you then you are no longer a good fit for each other.
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Meyou 02:47 PM 07-10-2012
I would term because of that text. It speaks volumes about their trust in you and I couldn't work with someone knowing that after 6 years they don't believe my word. Especially since you went out of your way to have him stay somewhere else and kept everyone informed.
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GotKids 02:48 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
From the parents point of view, seeing the car there and knowing he is in and out of your house and that he is your son, I can see how they might be concerned at the conflict of interest. I dont see this at all being a term worthy offense. He said he has his doubts....why is that weird?

I would let him know that you did get that text and wanted to assure them, once again, that all was being handled professionally and within state regulations. If they have any doubts, they are welcome to discuss and you will do what you can to assure them that your daycare will be run in a first class manner, as it has been run for many years. Sometimes people do need a little extra reassurance, that seems normal.
I just wanted to say how nice it is to be on this forum and to be able to see each others views. I love how your post took what I felt was an offensive situation and shed light on it in a different more positive light.
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lucky 02:51 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by MN Day Mom:
If your son hasn't been convicted of anything that would pose a threat to the daycare children and he has a clear background check then I don't see why he needs to stay away from the home while children are present?

I think maybe having him stay away for whatever reason has given this family reason to believe that he isn't safe to have around the children.

I agree. If they do not trust you then you are no longer a good fit for each other.
He isn't unsafe and there are no regs that say he can't be here. The family expressed concern and I was trying to make them feel secure. He has no problem staying at the close friends home during the day as it's his best friends home and they grew up together.
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cheerfuldom 03:12 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by GotKids:
I just wanted to say how nice it is to be on this forum and to be able to see each others views. I love how your post took what I felt was an offensive situation and shed light on it in a different more positive light.
well I did want to add that I understand how the text would be offensive to you. I just personally did not feel that one text was term worthy. I know that everyone thinks the parents should feel differently because they have been with the provider for 6 years but also, from the OP's end, shouldnt a little extra discussion be totally within reason in order to salvage such a long standing relationship? This provider has cared for their child(ren) for YEARS.....isnt that worth a few moments of extra attention to this family as that might be all it takes to get things on track?
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Blackcat31 03:20 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
I have a situation I need some advice on. My 20 year old son, who works away in another state but stays with us every few months for 1-3 days on his break, got in trouble about 2 months ago and has to go to court Thursday so he's home this week. However, one of my dcp works for the county and knew what happened and came to me. My son was back in the other state working at the time. So, knowing this family who I have cared for 6years I made arrangements for him to stay with a family friend during daycare hours. I did make a point to let them know that he was home for a period but wouldn't be involved with daycare at all. This morning the dcd dropped off the child and I got a text 30 minutes later. My son's car was here as he went to work a job with a friend of ours who does odd jobs and I explained this. 5 minutes later I get another text dcd obviously meant for dcm that said "she texted me and said he's working with a friend but I have my doubts." My first reaction is to give them their notice because if they don't trust me to keep there child safe and to do what's right after 6 years maybe this isn't working. I should explain that it was a drug charge and nothing violent. He also hasn't been convicted of any crime.
In what capacity does this DCF work for the county? I would have issue with the fact that by law, he really shouldn't be discussing someone's case with ANYONE (even mom) since there are confidentiality rules about that stuff.

The DCD shouldn't have even let on that he knows anything at all. Obviously HE isn't a very trustworthy person....kwim?

I would be upset too as I just can't work with someone who doesnt trust me. Also unless the family is absolutely perfect, it is kinda rude of them to be so judgemental about this. EVERYONE makes mistakes and unless you DS is in deep deep trouble, this whole situation is being blown out of proportion by the DCF impo.
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cheerfuldom 03:31 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
In what capacity does this DCF work for the county? I would have issue with the fact that by law, he really shouldn't be discussing someone's case with ANYONE (even mom) since there are confidentiality rules about that stuff.

The DCD shouldn't have even let on that he knows anything at all. Obviously HE isn't a very trustworthy person....kwim?

I would be upset too as I just can't work with someone who doesnt trust me. Also unless the family is absolutely perfect, it is kinda rude of them to be so judgemental about this. EVERYONE makes mistakes and unless you DS is in deep deep trouble, this whole situation is being blown out of proportion by the DCF impo.
thats a really good point! was the dad checking up on the family every now and then? (which I guess isnt a bad thing......) did he know the son and notice his name on something? was he within privacy rules to even be talking about it? Some places have arrests and the like as public record so really anyone can find it if they are looking. But if his job demands strict privacy then it wasnt appropriate for him to bring up the topic to the OP. unless she brought it up first?
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lucky 03:35 PM 07-10-2012
The Dad is a 911 dispatcher with lots of officer friends. I guess I figured that's where he heard it from. Probably not legal now that you mention it.
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Blackcat31 03:37 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
The Dad is a 911 dispatcher with lots of officer friends. I guess I figured that's where he heard it from. Probably not legal now that you mention it.
Um, yeah COMPLETELY unethical in my opinion! NOT cool that he knows and NOT cool that he is talking about it!
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Crazy8 03:50 PM 07-10-2012
I would probably term them due to lack of trust. Honestly, I probably would have replied right back to dcd when you got that mistaken text that if he has his doubts he is welcome to come right over and pick up his child and that he can consider this his 2 weeks notice.

I understand the situation isn't ideal, and I can even see the parents side a bit, but first, your son has NOT be convicted of any crime at this point, and while I don't know the severity of the charge, does this parent think you are letting him do drugs in the house???? Really, I would term on a trust issue. I would NOT deal with a parent who does not have faith that I can keep their children safe AND I would not deal with parents who are basically not "allowing" my own children in my home. Sorry, but my own kids come first, no matter what dumb mistake they may have made!!!
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Willow 04:27 PM 07-10-2012
If it was an issue of him not trusting you he never would have left his child there after seeing the car.

I too would take the high road and reassure them you're taking the situation seriously and he won't be around during daycare hours until further notice.


Giving them the boot may come across as overly defensive. If I were you I'd do my best to make the entire thing a non-issue.

As far as DCD knowing, I'd rather he knew and felt comfortable enough to discuss it rather than just turn tail and pull his kiddo. Obviously this family is giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're handling it to their satisfaction or he wouldnt still be in your care. Can't blame them for being suspicious about seeing the car, anyone would naturally assume the exact same thing.
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e.j. 05:20 PM 07-10-2012
Originally Posted by Willow:
If it was an issue of him not trusting you he never would have left his child there after seeing the car.

I too would take the high road and reassure them you're taking the situation seriously and he won't be around during daycare hours until further notice.


Giving them the boot may come across as overly defensive. If I were you I'd do my best to make the entire thing a non-issue.

As far as DCD knowing, I'd rather he knew and felt comfortable enough to discuss it rather than just turn tail and pull his kiddo. Obviously this family is giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're handling it to their satisfaction or he wouldnt still be in your care. Can't blame them for being suspicious about seeing the car, anyone would naturally assume the exact same thing.
This is along the lines of what I was thinking. If it were me, I'd let the parents know I got the text meant for dcm and I'd let them know that I'm concerned about the issue of trust but I don't think I'd term over it. With your son's car in the driveway, I can understand where dcd might have his doubts. It's not always easy to be as trusting of others as you'd like to be when you're concerned about your child.
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littlemissmuffet 06:08 PM 07-10-2012
I'd term... for 2 reasons.

1) Dad pretty much accused you of lying - I can't work with a family that doesn't trust me.

2) I can't work with a family I can't trust. Where did dad's info come from and why is he spreading it around without knowing all the facts?
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Truly Scrumptious 08:27 PM 07-10-2012
You were a lot nicer than I would have been.
If my son had done this, and he was not violating any rules by being in his own home, I would not have accommmodated this family. That just starts trouble, because now they will come to expect this "special" treatment no matter what the issue.

It's not their business...you do not have to share personal information with your families. The only time I would feel like I needed to do that would be if it were public knowledge and I wanted to reassure the families and explain the situation. But, nothing else, no promises of anything.

If I had families that felt uncomfortable about it and wanted to leave.....so be it....they just did me a big favor....if they don't trust my judgement anymore than that, then they made the right decision to not allow me to care for their child.
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JenNJ 07:41 AM 07-11-2012
I would term. For a few reasons.

#1 -- Your son has no convictions. He has a clear background check. He is legally allowed to be there. You went above and beyond to make other arrangements. They are still suspicious. That says to me that they place more stock in assumptions and gossip than in honesty.

#2 -- He knows the text went to you. He realized his mistake. No apology, no bringing it up to explain? Be a man and stand behind your actions.

#3 -- At the end of the day, you need to stand up for your son. Yes, he made a mistake, but that doesn't mean he is a bad person. It means he made a bad choice. This is my home and my children's home. Young or old, my kids can come home whenever they want.

#4 -- What these parents are doing is unethical and probably illegal. I doubt they have the authority as a dispatcher to look into someone's record. If I had suspicions that they did get this info illegally, I would probably sue the county.
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Willow 01:07 PM 07-11-2012
1. You cannot sue the county because a 911 dispatch officer did his job and subsequently was concerned about their own child's safety.

2. According to the OP the parents never asked her to keep her son out of the home, that's an accommodation she freely offered her daycare parents on her own accord.

3. I personally think it's pretty hypocritical to criticise dad for "overhearing" information on the situation but it's completely fine that OP was privy to what was supposed to be a confidential text to his wife. Difference is dad was doing his job, as a dispatcher he doesn't pick and chose what he hears and has to respond to. In response they were open, honest, and he and his wife continued to exhibit their trust and confidence by continuing to bring their child, while provider overhears a private and obviously minor concern and that's all of a sudden grounds to completely annihilate a contract and uproot a child who's completely faultless in all of this.



I'd be dipped if my child's drug use led to the dissolve of a relationship with one of my families or created this kind of drama in my life. Sure kids make mistakes but I'm straight shocked at how some here are discussing an arrest regarding DRUGS. This isn't being late for curfew or putting a scratch in the car.....just holy buckets......my kids wouldn't have the gall to even ask me to come back into my home after pulling such a stunt, nor would I be wasting my time setting them up somewhere else.
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Willow 01:13 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Um, yeah COMPLETELY unethical in my opinion! NOT cool that he knows and NOT cool that he is talking about it!
Not sure about where OP is at but most arrests are public record. Heck, loads of them are put smack dab in the newspapers.

One of the first things I do when I get a few foster is google up their parents records.


It isn't hard or illegal to do in any way shape or form, nor is it illegal to discuss.

Don't like it, simply keep your nose clean.
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Blackcat31 01:33 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by Willow:
Not sure about where OP is at but most arrests are public record. Heck, loads of them are put smack dab in the newspapers.

One of the first things I do when I get a few foster is google up their parents records.


It isn't hard or illegal to do in any way shape or form, nor is it illegal to discuss.

Don't like it, simply keep your nose clean.
The only records here that are published in the newspaper are cases where the person is actually found guilty.

Being arrested doesn't mean someone is guilty so I still stand by what I said, DCD discussing this case is unethical. If he is concerned about his child, he has other means of addressing it without talking about a case that he (or the OP) is NOT directly involved with.
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Willow 01:46 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
The only records here that are published in the newspaper are cases where the person is actually found guilty.

Being arrested doesn't mean someone is guilty so I still stand by what I said, DCD discussing this case is unethical. If he is concerned about his child, he has other means of addressing it without talking about a case that he (or the OP) is NOT directly involved with.
Since I know you're in MN check out the St Cloud Times. They (and most other newspapers I've ever read) publish police activity regularly...includes arrests, fires, car accidents etc. That's on top of convictions.

Feel free to also check out Stearns or Sherburne County jail inmate rosters. Anyone arrested and booked is listed, whether they're convicted or not is moot.


There are a whole lot of assumptions being made here about what DCD is discussing with who. The only thing we know for sure s that he sent A text to his wife with a minor concern. I say minor because again, even after he saw what he saw he still left his child there without blowing up at OP with accusations.

Criminal history, conviction or not, is all public record. We're not talking gag order or HIPPA laws, and our rights protect our desire to talk about anything we want to beyond that, especially to our own spouses when it comes to the well-being of our own children.
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Blackcat31 01:57 PM 07-11-2012
I guess each county can print whatever they want as mine only prints guilty verdicts although I also know of a website for the state that can check people's criminal records from ALL counties in the state but even on that site the only entries are people who are guilty, NOT suspected.

(Name searches for criminal/traffic/petty case records WILL NOT return 'preconviction records.' A 'preconviction record' is a record for which there is no conviction as defined by Minn. Stat. 609.02, subd. 5 (2004).)

Again, I NEVER said illegal, I said unethical and I still think it is unethical for DCD to be talking about this case.

If he is worried about the safety of his child (which you pointed out, he can't be too worried as he left the child there) he can terminate IMPO.
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Willow 02:03 PM 07-11-2012
Just as an example:

http://m.sctimes.com/news/article?a=...560&ref=search


I guess I fail to see how a child's father discussing a concern about something he saw with the child's mother is unethical.

Nor do I agree that me discussing the above case with you or anyone else for that matter could be defined that way either.
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DCMom 02:48 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd be dipped if my child's drug use led to the dissolve of a relationship with one of my families or created this kind of drama in my life. Sure kids make mistakes but I'm straight shocked at how some here are discussing an arrest regarding DRUGS. This isn't being late for curfew or putting a scratch in the car.....just holy buckets......my kids wouldn't have the gall to even ask me to come back into my home after pulling such a stunt, nor would I be wasting my time setting them up somewhere else.
Hmmm, must be nice to be a perfect parent with perfect kids. Can I venture a guess? Your kids aren't anywhere near the teenage years with a drivers license, right? Kids do stupid things, make stupid choices. That doesn't make them bad kids.

The op never said anything about a 'drug arrest', she said her son had to go to court. Having a small amount of weed or a pack of papers during a traffic stop will land you in court in Minnesota.
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lucky 03:13 PM 07-11-2012
Just for the record, it was not dcd expressing concern I was upset with, it was that after I was completely honest and open with them he asked me a question which I truthfully answered and he responded that he thought I was lying.

Willow, I sure do hope your perfect children remain so. This situation is not one I ever thought I would be dealing with my son is basically a good kid who made a bad choice and got caught. Be that as it may be I don't plan to disown him.
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crazydaycarelady 03:24 PM 07-11-2012
I also would probably have a talk with them. I would explain that you received the text by mistake, you can see they don't trust you, and after 6 years of care you feel like you can't continue.

I have had a similar issue once where after 5-6 years a dcd came to pick up his child. I told him that the child was complaining of his head hurting (meaning a headache.) He looked at his child and said "Did someone hurt you?! It was the same thing! I thought to myself "Are you kidding me? If after 6 years of care you think someone here would hurt your child then I can't go on." I ended up having a "meeting" with dcd where he told me how much he loved and appreciated me. I did continue to watch for them but I felt better getting the trust thing out on the table.

Good luck!
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Blackcat31 03:31 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady:
I also would probably have a talk with them. I would explain that you received the text by mistake, you can see they don't trust you, and after 6 years of care you feel like you can't continue.

I have had a similar issue once where after 5-6 years a dcd came to pick up his child. I told him that the child was complaining of his head hurting (meaning a headache.) He looked at his child and said "Did someone hurt you?! It was the same thing! I thought to myself "Are you kidding me? If after 6 years of care you think someone here would hurt your child then I can't go on." I ended up having a "meeting" with dcd where he told me how much he loved and appreciated me. I did continue to watch for them but I felt better getting the trust thing out on the table.

Good luck!
Welcome to the forum!

Your status has been upgraded so you can post freely now
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Willow 03:46 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by DCMom:
Hmmm, must be nice to be a perfect parent with perfect kids. Can I venture a guess? Your kids aren't anywhere near the teenage years with a drivers license, right? Kids do stupid things, make stupid choices. That doesn't make them bad kids.

The op never said anything about a 'drug arrest', she said her son had to go to court. Having a small amount of weed or a pack of papers during a traffic stop will land you in court in Minnesota.

Go back and reread, the very first post explains that the arrest was in regards to a drug offense.


My kids aren't perfect, nor would I ever expect them to be, but your implication that drug arrests are par for the course when it comes to raising children is incredibly disturbing.

I disagree that that should be a normal expectation for any child.
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JenNJ 03:53 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by DCMom:
Hmmm, must be nice to be a perfect parent with perfect kids. Can I venture a guess? Your kids aren't anywhere near the teenage years with a drivers license, right? Kids do stupid things, make stupid choices. That doesn't make them bad kids.

The op never said anything about a 'drug arrest', she said her son had to go to court. Having a small amount of weed or a pack of papers during a traffic stop will land you in court in Minnesota.
I know, right? Must be nice to be a saint.
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Country Kids 03:57 PM 07-11-2012
I'm going way out on a limb here but no where does the op say anything about her child being arrested! She says he got into some trouble and had to go to court! Doesn't mean he was arrested. He may have been but isn't it funny how many people here are arguing it and she hasn't said it. He wasn't even convicted of anything! Amazing how people don't really read the posts.

She doesn't even say anything about the drugs being his. For all we know he was in a car where someone was arrested for having drugs on them and maybe he had to go to court as a witness. He may have been got in the cross fires of just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The op sounds like she was looking at what others might do in the situation. Not how perfect anyones kids are, what they would do if it where their kids, what shows up in papers, if it was legal what the dad did, etc.

I'm urging everyone to please read the posts and maybe the entire thread before posting. You never ever know when something might happen in your childcare and your needing advice from others.
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Willow 04:06 PM 07-11-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
Just for the record, it was not dcd expressing concern I was upset with, it was that after I was completely honest and open with them he asked me a question which I truthfully answered and he responded that he thought I was lying.

No, he voiced doubt to his wife. That's a far cry from calling you a liar.

I'm not a all saying your son is a bad egg, but it does put your parents between a rock and a hard place. I personally think you are probably a bit sensitive because truth is this had to have hurt you what your boy did. I know I'd be crushed. And navigating other peoples responses I'd probably be inclined to be very defensive. The hurt combined with the instinct to always stand up for and protect our own? I get why your first inclination would be to terminate.

I'd only challenge you to think about it from their perspective first. He DOES trust your or he would NOT have left kiddo there today. What would be the harm in silt asking him "hey, you accidentally sent that text to me and it HURT...why???" before you make your final decision.

Consider how you'd feel if you were in their shoes, how you would respond, how the dcb will feel.....

Six years is a long time, terming them on a whim before getting an explanation would be just as offensive as if he really DIDN'T trust you after all this time.
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crazydaycarelady 09:06 AM 07-12-2012
Originally Posted by :
Welcome to the forum!
Thank you!
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Meeko 12:25 PM 07-12-2012
I think the OP needs to sit down and hash it out with the parents.

I too would have read "she says he's at a friends house, but I have my doubts" as "she said he's at a friends house, but I think she's lying".

If he believed the provider, he wouldn't have texted his wife (or so he thought) with his concerns. He thought his provider was lying.....and after 6 years of care, that must be very upsetting.

Tell the parents that for care to continue, there must be trust and there must be honesty. She was as open as she could be about her son's situation.

I personally think the parents are acting as if the son has just gotten out of prison on a child molestation conviction or something.

A good, honest talk with it all laid out may help. If not...term.
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lucky 01:31 PM 07-16-2012
So update, they sent the child All week then Friday called to say they were giving notice, which at this point I'm totally fine with. I did let them know I needed it in writing and 2 weeks pay as per contract. Neither of which I have received.

I called my licensor this morning to make sure I was following all licensing guidelines and she assured me I was fine.

So now I'm wondering about getting payment . Would you pursue it or just let it go?
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Blackcat31 01:34 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
So update, they sent the child All week then Friday called to say they were giving notice, which at this point I'm totally fine with. I did let them know I needed it in writing and 2 weeks pay as per contract. Neither of which I have received.

I called my licensor this morning to make sure I was following all licensing guidelines and she assured me I was fine.

So now I'm wondering about getting payment . Would you pursue it or just let it go?
You have every right to expect payment IN FULL!

They have already ruined their chances of using the safety of their child as a concern for pulling out since they continued to bring him so if it was a true concern for safety, they would never have left him in the first place.

I would absolutely try every method possible to collect what is owed to you!

Have they responded at all or said anything to lead you to believe they aren't going to pay you?
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lucky 03:07 PM 07-16-2012
Yes! I sent a very polite message this morning asking if they would be stopping by with the written notice and payment and they sent me an email stating because they discontinued services for safety reasons they had talked to several people and upon their recommendation they didn't have to abide by the contract and would not be paying.
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Heidi 03:41 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
Yes! I sent a very polite message this morning asking if they would be stopping by with the written notice and payment and they sent me an email stating because they discontinued services for safety reasons they had talked to several people and upon their recommendation they didn't have to abide by the contract and would not be paying.
Yeah, well, I think they're wrong! If I were you, I'd still insist on collecting! If there were a 'safety issue", they would have pulled him immediately, not 4 or 5 days later.

I know you had this family for 6 years, but I hope as you are enrolling new families, you get a deposit and payment in advance so that your 2 weeks is always covered...

Sorry they ended up being jerks about it. It happens! I wish your family the best, and hope your son is on the right road now that he's had this experience...
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JenNJ 04:00 PM 07-16-2012
I am so glad you covered your bases with your licensor. My advice:

1. Email your licensor just confirming that you followed all state guidelines with the situation. Have her email back a positive response. Print these out and file them away.

2. Copy the signed contract and place with the emails I mentioned before.

3. Now, go file with the court. AND get YOUR money!!
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Former Teacher 04:01 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by Heidi:
Yeah, well, I think they're wrong! If I were you, I'd still insist on collecting! If there were a 'safety issue", they would have pulled him immediately, not 4 or 5 days later.


I totally agree.

At my former center years ago we had a little girl who broke her leg going down a slide (I know different situation). The insurance people told us that the parents had up to 2 YEARS to sue us.

We talked to an attorney and even that attorney said even if the parents decided to sue, they wouldn't win. Once released from the doctor's care this child was at the center from 6:45-6:30 each day while the parents were basking in the sun
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MyAngels 04:29 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I am so glad you covered your bases with your licensor. My advice:

1. Email your licensor just confirming that you followed all state guidelines with the situation. Have her email back a positive response. Print these out and file them away.

2. Copy the signed contract and place with the emails I mentioned before.

3. Now, go file with the court. AND get YOUR money!!


I would write them a certified letter outlining what they owe, and the last date they have to pay it. I'd let them know you have full intentions of pursuing all avenues of collection. If they don't pay I'd file a small claims suit the next day, and go after them hard. There are a lot of ways to enforce a judgment and make their lives difficult.

Have I mentioned that I don't take it lightly when someone questions my integrity?

Good luck!
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nanglgrl 04:42 PM 07-16-2012
When I read this earlier (before the family left daycare) I was going to mention that it seemed to me that the family was trying to find a way out of the daycare so they were making a fuss about a minor thing. Who knows why after you have had their children for 6 years but oh well! I was wondering, did they only have 1 child and if you have had the family for 6 years was the child 6 years old? It seems to me Dad and Mom could have easily asked the 6 year old if he was there. Did you ever confront the parents about the text? If I were you I would definitely go after what they owe. Make sure you don't delete the text Dad sent you either, it could be helpful in court.
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jojosmommy 07:58 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
In what capacity does this DCF work for the county? I would have issue with the fact that by law, he really shouldn't be discussing someone's case with ANYONE (even mom) since there are confidentiality rules about that stuff.

The DCD shouldn't have even let on that he knows anything at all. Obviously HE isn't a very trustworthy person....kwim?

I would be upset too as I just can't work with someone who doesnt trust me. Also unless the family is absolutely perfect, it is kinda rude of them to be so judgemental about this. EVERYONE makes mistakes and unless you DS is in deep deep trouble, this whole situation is being blown out of proportion by the DCF impo.
This was my FIRST thought. Unless the info was public record (like printed in the paper) this family shouldn't be using their connections to gain access to your grown childs information. In fact your own child could be upset that his confidentiality was broken. Maybe he didnt even want you to know, and technically thats HIS right. Just because they are privy to special knowledge doesn't mean they get to use it how ever they see fit.

I would tell them that you went far and away above your requirements to keep your own child away during daycare even though you had already contacted licensing and that was not necessary. I would also remind them that there are laws protecting peoples personal information and they likely abused that by checking into the info themselves. Then I would make it very clear that you believe they no longer trust you despite the 6 years relationship you have.

Then I would remind them of the contract they signed and make every effort to get the $. They should have pulled day 1 if it was a safety issue. They looked for care all week and once they had a plan they pulled.

And BTW, I am as straight laced as they come however I know that no matter how wonderful your parenting your own grown kids make their own decisions and will somehow someway sometime mess something up. That has no bearing on how great/terrible you are as a parent. I think its ridiculous that some people would even bring that up in the previous posts. Keep your head up.
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AmyLeigh 10:11 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by jojosmommy:
This was my FIRST thought. Unless the info was public record (like printed in the paper) this family shouldn't be using their connections to gain access to your grown childs information. In fact your own child could be upset that his confidentiality was broken. Maybe he didnt even want you to know, and technically thats HIS right. Just because they are privy to special knowledge doesn't mean they get to use it how ever they see fit.
In my county, bookings are posted on the county website within 24 hours. I know where it is because I used to work for the county. Howerever, it is not password protected, it is public information and any Joe Schmo could look it up. In addition, all bookings are printed in the newspaper within a week. When my neighbor's relative (who was living with them) got arrested, I knew exactly what for by the next morning. I'm glad for that fact, because he was picked up for breaking probation by carrying a firearm and a smoking device. My children used to play over there!!! Not anymore.
In anycase, I feel OP did what she needed to do and I hope she gets paid for the 2 weeks. With her son not in the home during business hours, she was putting the safety of the children paramount. However, as a parent, I would be concerned if the individual had drugs or drug paraphenalia in the home that my children could come in contact with. Not saying that would happen in this case, but you could see how the parents would be worried. It would have been preferable for them to come to OP and discuss their issues in order to come to an amicable agreement. No matter how long they have had a business relationship with OP, the parents have to do what they feel is in the best interests of their child. Aren't there a whole bunch of posts here complaining about parents who don't do this??
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Unregistered 11:20 PM 07-16-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Um, yeah COMPLETELY unethical in my opinion! NOT cool that he knows and NOT cool that he is talking about it!
Totally agree.

In my area the presumption is "innocent until proven guilty". There is no lynch mob media publishing of names only general information on a few of the most interesting arrests. I live in a capital city too and am surprised at the publishing of peoples names.

Beyond that, I hope you get the 2 weeks pay OP. Additionally, to echo a few other posters, I'm not so naive to think *my* precious little pumpkins could never make a stupid choice and end up in trouble. Best of luck.
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Unregistered 07:36 AM 07-17-2012
Originally Posted by Willow:
If it was an issue of him not trusting you he never would have left his child there after seeing the car.

I too would take the high road and reassure them you're taking the situation seriously and he won't be around during daycare hours until further notice.


Giving them the boot may come across as overly defensive. If I were you I'd do my best to make the entire thing a non-issue.

As far as DCD knowing, I'd rather he knew and felt comfortable enough to discuss it rather than just turn tail and pull his kiddo. Obviously this family is giving you the benefit of the doubt that you're handling it to their satisfaction or he wouldnt still be in your care. Can't blame them for being suspicious about seeing the car, anyone would naturally assume the exact same thing.
In MN any person doesn't need to be convicted of a crime the Department of Human Services can shut you down/demand removal of a person who has a 51% chance of comitting the crime. Say he plea bargained guilty and was put on 6 month probation that if he keeps his nose clean they would wipe his record (they can still shut you down)! Say he isn't convicted at all and the charges are dissmissed because it was his first offense. if there is a preponderonse of the evidence (meaning 51% chance) that he might have committed the crime, regardless of any court outcome they can still require his removal or close you down. DHS plays by there own rules so I would be cautious. Also, if this is an officer parent who has a lot of government hook-ups I would do what I could to stay on his good side.
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GotKids 10:28 AM 07-17-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
In MN any person doesn't need to be convicted of a crime the Department of Human Services can shut you down/demand removal of a person who has a 51% chance of comitting the crime. Say he plea bargained guilty and was put on 6 month probation that if he keeps his nose clean they would wipe his record (they can still shut you down)! Say he isn't convicted at all and the charges are dissmissed because it was his first offense. if there is a preponderonse of the evidence (meaning 51% chance) that he might have committed the crime, regardless of any court outcome they can still require his removal or close you down. DHS plays by there own rules so I would be cautious. Also, if this is an officer parent who has a lot of government hook-ups I would do what I could to stay on his good side.
Here they are so strict about who is in your home (NE) that you have to fill out a new application anytime someone moves in or OUT of your home. The application is ridiculously long and must be completed perfectly to be accepted. You also have to report ALL law enforcement contact. Even if you were not the issue, even if there were no formal charges or arrests. For instance my 13 year old son was beat up last year on the way home from school. The local gas station where it occurred called the PD they came and made a report. I was required to let DHHS know about that even though my son did not do anything wrong. They still came out to talk to me and my son as well as required a copy of the police report.
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Meeko 02:36 PM 07-17-2012
Originally Posted by lucky:
Yes! I sent a very polite message this morning asking if they would be stopping by with the written notice and payment and they sent me an email stating because they discontinued services for safety reasons they had talked to several people and upon their recommendation they didn't have to abide by the contract and would not be paying.
"Several people" need to mind their own business!

Send them a copy of their signed contract and demand payment in full.

My contract actually states that until I receive written notice, the contract is still in full effect and late fees will be added until paid.

Take them to collections or small claims if not paid. They are trying to intimidate you with the "safety concerns". Your licensing dept. has already said you are not in violation of anything.
Another poster already pointed out that they cannot use the "safety" thing against you as they continued to bring their child for the rest of the time.

What kind of parent would knowingly leave their child in a dangerous place??? They are full of it!

Don't give in!
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jen 04:40 PM 07-17-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
In MN any person doesn't need to be convicted of a crime the Department of Human Services can shut you down/demand removal of a person who has a 51% chance of comitting the crime. Say he plea bargained guilty and was put on 6 month probation that if he keeps his nose clean they would wipe his record (they can still shut you down)! Say he isn't convicted at all and the charges are dissmissed because it was his first offense. if there is a preponderonse of the evidence (meaning 51% chance) that he might have committed the crime, regardless of any court outcome they can still require his removal or close you down. DHS plays by there own rules so I would be cautious. Also, if this is an officer parent who has a lot of government hook-ups I would do what I could to stay on his good side.
I was a licensed provider in MN for ten years and I have NO idea what you are talking about. In MN you need to have anyone in the house, over the age of 13 get a background check....thats it.

Can you tell me where in the regs this 51% rule is found?
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jen 04:42 PM 07-17-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
"Several people" need to mind their own business!

Send them a copy of their signed contract and demand payment in full.

My contract actually states that until I receive written notice, the contract is still in full effect and late fees will be added until paid.

Take them to collections or small claims if not paid. They are trying to intimidate you with the "safety concerns". Your licensing dept. has already said you are not in violation of anything.
Another poster already pointed out that they cannot use the "safety" thing against you as they continued to bring their child for the rest of the time.

What kind of parent would knowingly leave their child in a dangerous place??? They are full of it!

Don't give in!
I agree...get your money. The "people" they are talking to are most likely friends or family that have no idea what is REALLY going on or how licensing works.
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Tags:notification, provider children, provider children - grown up, trust
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