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  #1  
Old 08-31-2012, 10:09 AM
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Default DS Unhappy With Daycare

For the past several months my son has told me nearly every day that he doesn't like the daycare kids and wants them to go home. He has his own spaces that he can go to to play (both his room and the living room). He gets one on one time with me before they get here, at naptime, after they leave and whenever possible throughout the day. He is not spoiled and is very well behaved, generally shares well and plays nicely (he is two nearing three). I started my daycare about a year ago to be with him but he genuinely seems unhappy especially toward the end of the week. By Thursday I'm reassuring him that it's almost the weekend, the kids won't come and Daddy gets to stay home. At what point do I take his comments seriously and consider closing? I mean, are these just normal feelings for a child growing up in a daycare or should I consider making a change? If I went back to work he wouldn't have to be in a daycare everyday (maybe just a preschool type program a couple days per week) as our finances have changed over the past year.
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:38 AM
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I have been doing this since my oldest was little, and they ALL went through a time where they wanted the daycare kids to leave. My son went through the same thing (at 3 1/2, saying he didn't like his friends, telling them to go home, was starting to act out, etc). He was quite verbal and I was able to explain in terms that made sense that if the daycare kids stopped coming, he would have to go to daycare, I wouldn't be home all day with just him. When he says "I don't like the daycare kids." He gets a cuddle, some reassuring words and some time to play by himself. He also says "I'm glad I'm not a daycare kid!" quite often now too. I also had to make special things just for him and make sure he wasn't just one of many, kwim? During nap we make a craft, or snuggle or he gets to watch some PBS when the daycare kids don't get to watch any tv, etc.

My oldest three are all SOOOO thankful I kept it up and are really happy that they aren't in after school programs and can come straight home, see me and go to their rooms or hang out and play.

I would definitely validate his feelings. Is there a child in particular that your ds doesn't like? I had to term a child that was an attention hog and wouldn't let go of me, called me Mom and was old enough to know better. My son was getting sooo jealous and just hated the kid. He could NEVER sit in my lap, or hug me or ANYTHING without this one child pulling him away, whining for attention, etc. Things are MUCH smoother now and ds only occassionally needs a reminder that we either have daycare kids or he IS a daycare kid.
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Old 08-31-2012, 10:56 AM
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I think the PP said it all.....kids do go thru this stage, I know my kids have/do feel that way. But we dont have the option to stop doing daycare at this point.
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:13 AM
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I agree with what the others said, but, just remember that if you worked outside of the home he might be saying the same things to you in a different way. Things like "I want to stay home" "Why do you have to leave?".
I would take his feelings seriously, but I wouldn't emphasize that the best days are the days that "the kids don't come"- that type of phrasing may just feed into his not liking the daycare even more.
I'd try to play up the fun that he can have when his "friends" come over to play with him. Maybe instead of doing his favorite things when it's just him do them with the daycare kids-give him things to look forward to during the daycare day that are actually part of being in daycare.
Then again, if you want to stop doing daycare-go ahead, but I wouldn't let him make the decision for you (I'm just kidding)
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:26 AM
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My eldest is 35 and she still wants the daycare kids to go home.

I quit my job when my girls were 5 and 7 because they had one horrible daycare experience after another. When they would start getting upset about the daycare, I would remind them that I would have to return to work and they would have to go back into daycare if I quit. That usually took care of theings for another year or so.
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Old 08-31-2012, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
My eldest is 35 and she still wants the daycare kids to go home.
Mine are 18 and 21 and they'd still love it if I would stop doing day care. When they were young, I would tell them they had a choice. I could keep doing day care and they could be at home with me or I could close the day care, get a full time job and they could go to someone else's home for day care. It always quieted them for a bit. Now that they're older, they do understand why I continue to do day care but when every once in awhile, they tell me they'd love it if I would stop. I remind them that this business is paying for their college education, the food they eat, heat, electricity for lap tops, tvs, etc. If they want to quit college, get full time jobs and start paying the household bills, I'll be happy to close the day care. They usually stop complaining at that point.

Even though Momofsix was kidding, I think she made a very good point when she said if you want to close, do it but don't let him make the decision for you.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:10 PM
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I'm dealing with this now with my just-turned 23-year-old DD. It was all well and good at first, last September when I started home day care and she had just turned 2, I started out by having a little DCG who was the exact same age as DD, only two days a week, for a few months. Then in January we went from 1 to 2 kids, still part time. Then March, I got 2 more kids, and one of those was full time. So suddenly she went from a few kids coming here just casually to at least 1 or 2 every single day. So since March, she's been telling me daily that she doesn't want the kids to come back, that she doesn't like them, that FT DCG "won't leave me alone".

I'm seriously considering taking Wednesdays off and just running the day care part time, for my kids, and making it a fun day for my kids. Playgroups don't happen on the weekends so they don't get to see their other friends thatthey have outside of the day care.
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Old 08-31-2012, 12:38 PM
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I have one that from the day they were born wishes I did not do daycare. Telling them that they would have to go to one if I worked didn't seem to bother them as they had never done it any other way.

They are way older now (HS) and still, still wishes that I didn't do childcare. My very oldest one doesn't really want children.They have said they have been around kids long enough, not keen on making it a lifetime.

So really watch him for a few months more and if it doesn't improve maybe he's just not able to have kids constently in his environment in his own home.
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:18 PM
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Perhaps you can have your substitute come on Wednesdays so you and your son can go out for a few hours on your own and do something fun.
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
For the past several months my son has told me nearly every day that he doesn't like the daycare kids and wants them to go home.
Is there a pattern to his complaints? My daughter's about the same age and 3 days/week she is cared for by a great SAHM. She is always in a good mood when I pick her up, tells me happily about her day and there's even been a few evenings that she's asked me to turn around and take her back to the provider's house because she was having so much fun. BUT almost every morning she tells me she doesn't want to go to Ms. P's house. I finally realized (after feeling super guilty for a while) that she's just not a morning person. She wakes up close to the same time on non-daycare days but she likes to lounge around in her jammies for an hour or two before going anywhere, even someplace she loves like the Children's Museum or the park.

Maybe your son doesn't really mind the kids that much except when he's particularly tired, or maybe after so many hours he's just had enough stimulation/company/good behavior/etc. Does he seem to have fun withe kids sometimes?
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  #11  
Old 08-31-2012, 01:37 PM
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One thing I learned very early on is that kids (and adults for that matter) are never 100% satisfied. The grass is always greener on the other side. If you were working full time, they wouldn't want to go to daycare. If you were a stay at home mom, they would want to go to preschool or have "friends."

In home daycare is a great opportunity for children to learn how to behave socially while still being in the comforts of their own home and with their mom. The circumstances are even better than play dates because you can mold the other children into good citizens as well (I always hear of mothers complaining about their playdate's children's behavior and they can't do anything about it).

In reality, a 2/3 year old doesn't really know what they want and they especially don't know what's best for them. If they complained about eating a healthy lunch, we wouldn't succumb to their desires and give them candy. The same thing goes for daycare. You need to do what's best for your family as a whole, not just one individual.
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:38 PM
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I know my five year old feels the same way, though now that shes in school all day it does help a little. Still we are restricted by what we can do because of kids. iM pretty sure my wife would love for me to just have only our own kids, but thats not really up to her at this point. Daycare is expensive, but apparently im not making enough at it.
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Old 08-31-2012, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
I have been doing this since my oldest was little, and they ALL went through a time where they wanted the daycare kids to leave. My son went through the same thing (at 3 1/2, saying he didn't like his friends, telling them to go home, was starting to act out, etc). He was quite verbal and I was able to explain in terms that made sense that if the daycare kids stopped coming, he would have to go to daycare, I wouldn't be home all day with just him. When he says "I don't like the daycare kids." He gets a cuddle, some reassuring words and some time to play by himself. He also says "I'm glad I'm not a daycare kid!" quite often now too. I also had to make special things just for him and make sure he wasn't just one of many, kwim? During nap we make a craft, or snuggle or he gets to watch some PBS when the daycare kids don't get to watch any tv, etc.

My oldest three are all SOOOO thankful I kept it up and are really happy that they aren't in after school programs and can come straight home, see me and go to their rooms or hang out and play.

I would definitely validate his feelings. Is there a child in particular that your ds doesn't like? I had to term a child that was an attention hog and wouldn't let go of me, called me Mom and was old enough to know better. My son was getting sooo jealous and just hated the kid. He could NEVER sit in my lap, or hug me or ANYTHING without this one child pulling him away, whining for attention, etc. Things are MUCH smoother now and ds only occassionally needs a reminder that we either have daycare kids or he IS a daycare kid.
We talk pretty regularly about how I'm only his mommy and the daycare kids' mommy's are at work but will come get them soon. After I put the daycare kids down for their nap, we go into his room read books, sing a song, etc. If he wants, we do a craft after the kids leave and before his dad gets home because crafts are so hard to do with the littler kids here. And yes sometimes he gets to watch some Thomas in the livingroom without the others (no tv for the daycare kids).

When I decided to open my daycare it was a no brainer. I HAD to work fulltime and he had to go to daycare fulltime. He cried everytime I dropped him off, I was miserable all day thinking about and missing him, and then he'd throw a tantrum for up to an hour most evenings. (He's a shy little guy and would be very quiet at daycare so when he got home he just had to release all of his emotions and energy at once), so our only time together was also miserable. Choosing between that and running a daycare was very easy. Now that our finances have changed so much I am faced with the choice of working 10+ hour everyday plus more on the weekends for cleaning, shopping, prep, etc having half our house taken over for a business, almost never getting a day off, etc (I'm sure you all know the details) OR working maybe 20 hours per week and spending the rest of the time with just MY family (and making the same money). Now that DS is older and ready for a preschool type program the choice is just not as clear and him seeming to be so unhappy is definitely a factor.

I have explained to him that if the kids don't come I have to go to work like daddy does and he won't get to stay home with me. This upsets him and he always says he wants to stay home with me. Its not one child in particular. I have great kids from great families and everyone plays well together. It's more toward the end of the week that it all just becomes too much and no matter who is here he wants them gone! He's very sensitive and I think he just gets overstimulated and gets tired of sharing the toys, me and our house. I was thinking of being closed on Fridays but that would mean terming a fulltime child (and probably DS's best daycare friend) I haven't been getting many calls lately so I really can't lose that income without a part-time replacement. I think it's just been a long week for both of us and now that I have a potential alternative to daycare it just keeps creeping into my thoughts...

Sorry that was sooooo long! Thank you all for your input!!
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Old 08-31-2012, 06:22 PM
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I think it's hard for dcd & dcs to adjust to having kids around constantly. I used to work second shift and spend the day with my daughter at home and then she'd spend the evening when I worked with her dad. This was special times for us because she had my undivided attention. When I began daycare my dcd would constantly tell me to, "go back to work...I liked it better that way..make the kids go home and not come back!" She was adamant about this but I just explained to her that daycare was my job and this was what I wanted to do now. It took her some time but she understood. I went through the same feelings though like: I started doing daycare to spend time with my daughter, and we are definatley not spending quality time together but....it got better as she got older and I grew more comfortable and confident with running my daycare.
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:36 AM
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At what point do I take his comments seriously and consider closing? I mean, are these just normal feelings for a child growing up in a daycare or should I consider making a change? If I went back to work he wouldn't have to be in a daycare everyday (maybe just a preschool type program a couple days per week) as our finances have changed over the past year.[/quote]

You take his comments seriously and consider closing at the point that you want to allow your two year old to rule the roost the rest of your life. Sorry if this sounds harsh. What are you teaching him if you close your daycare? Of course he is not going to like sharing his mom, home, toys, maybe dad too. Your putting your career in the choice of your child.

I don't think this is about your child. I think it is about you wanting to go back into the work force outside of your home. There is a saying and learn it while your young, because it will help you in many ways.

"If Mom isn't happy, no one in the house is going to be happy!"

I might be way off but I think you need to decide if you want to share your love, your home, your things, your attention, your husband, your child, or would you be better off in another job, putting your child in care and getting a break from the mommy role during working hours, and having something for yourself that you go and do, like your husband.

If you really want to do daycare, then teach your child that this is what I do. The kids are not going away they are your friends. This is how we pay our bills and have $. Don't expect him to understand he is too little, but don't be wishy washy about it and make it known this is how it is.

I do special things with my child after work and weekends. I am careful to not go over board with this either, because then it is expected. That is just not reality. I do want my child to see why I work so hard. During working hours it is known that I am working. It is not always liked. I do expect it to be tolerated because this is what I do. This is how $ comes into our home to pay for all the bills and extras.

Just my3cents-
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Old 09-04-2012, 09:52 AM
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I think he just gets overstimulated and gets tired of sharing the toys, me and our house.

an idea for you is to have his toys be his toys and the daycare toys separate from his. This way they are "your" toys that you share with everyone.

I do my best to treat my child/children like everyone else when it is daycare hours. When daycare is over, Mommy role comes in and provider goes out the window.
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