Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Feeling Awful
Kenny 06:53 AM 08-09-2010
I gave a family a month notice that I was letting them go because of late payments and bounced checks. And now I feel Awful and wonder why I even started doing daycare. IHas anyone else felt like this
AmandasFCC 07:22 AM 08-09-2010
Of course. I still dwell on both of the terminations I've had to do in my first year of daycare - whether or not it was a good choice and stuff ... This is a difficult job and it's very hard to keep everything that happens from being personal. But ultimately we hold the key to our own happiness and we need to be confident in our decisions. It is your home therefore you have the right to make the decisions that affect your happiness 
Lilbutterflie 08:27 AM 08-09-2010
Kenny,
It goes with the territory. I respect you for upholding your contract! Unfortunately last year I started doing daycare for my nephew and two nieces; and my sister in law never paid on time, sometimes three weeks late; and had bounced checks. She still owes me. I couldn't really terminate b/c they were family. But it sure was frustrating! Fate (or God) ended up playing a role, they are not with me any longer b/c their father lost his job and I have since filled their spots. I will NOT do daycare for family members ever again!
You have done the right thing. Please don't feel awful! They technically broke the contract by not paying on time and giving you checks that bounced.
It goes with the territory. I respect you for upholding your contract! Unfortunately last year I started doing daycare for my nephew and two nieces; and my sister in law never paid on time, sometimes three weeks late; and had bounced checks. She still owes me. I couldn't really terminate b/c they were family. But it sure was frustrating! Fate (or God) ended up playing a role, they are not with me any longer b/c their father lost his job and I have since filled their spots. I will NOT do daycare for family members ever again!
You have done the right thing. Please don't feel awful! They technically broke the contract by not paying on time and giving you checks that bounced.
safechner 09:09 AM 08-09-2010
Don't feel awful! You are doing good job for standing up for yourself. This is your business, not theirs. It is worth for letting them go so you will get paid on time from another new family if you are looking for filling their spots. 
momofboys 09:10 AM 08-09-2010
It's normal!!! Don't feel guilty though you have to do what is best for you. Getting paid late & very late in your case is no way to live when you can have better clients. I was recently lamenting that I had let go of a family of 3 (mostly lamenting b/c of the loss of the income they provided). Anytime I start to feel guilty (b/c I do miss the kids & feel bad that they have to get used to someone new) I remind myself about the bossy behavior of the parents, the late pick-ups & the compromising they tried to do with what they owed me.
boysx5 09:22 AM 08-09-2010
I hate that part of the job but every job has something. Today I had a mom who is usually great about paying not show up with a check and I said you owe me a check today and she said oh I'll bring it later my new rule is no check no childcare the same as gas bill cable bill no pay no service. I don't feel bad asking anymore thats my money and they wouldn't work for free
professionalmom 10:15 AM 08-09-2010
First, the guilt is normal in these situations, especially during these difficult economic times where EVERYONE has a sob story to tell.
Second, good for you for sticking to your contract and letting them go.
Third, to ease the guilt - try to think on the bright side - maybe this will be one of those lessons that the parents needed to teach them about responsibility. Maybe in the future they will take their daycare provider more seriously. Maybe they were just immature and needed the cool water splashed in their face to make them grow up. Maybe you have taught them something that will help them to be better, more responsible parents and citizens. Now, I'm not bashing the parents. I'm just saying that this lesson may make them BETTER than they were. Look for the silver lining and pray that they will learn.
Second, good for you for sticking to your contract and letting them go.
Third, to ease the guilt - try to think on the bright side - maybe this will be one of those lessons that the parents needed to teach them about responsibility. Maybe in the future they will take their daycare provider more seriously. Maybe they were just immature and needed the cool water splashed in their face to make them grow up. Maybe you have taught them something that will help them to be better, more responsible parents and citizens. Now, I'm not bashing the parents. I'm just saying that this lesson may make them BETTER than they were. Look for the silver lining and pray that they will learn.
momofboys 12:47 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
First, the guilt is normal in these situations, especially during these difficult economic times where EVERYONE has a sob story to tell.
Second, good for you for sticking to your contract and letting them go.
Third, to ease the guilt - try to think on the bright side - maybe this will be one of those lessons that the parents needed to teach them about responsibility. Maybe in the future they will take their daycare provider more seriously. Maybe they were just immature and needed the cool water splashed in their face to make them grow up. Maybe you have taught them something that will help them to be better, more responsible parents and citizens. Now, I'm not bashing the parents. I'm just saying that this lesson may make them BETTER than they were. Look for the silver lining and pray that they will learn.
Here's the question I deal with regarding that & maybe someone can shed light on this to help me too. The family I let go sometimes I wonder if it was MY fault for their shortcomings b/c I was not strict enough, you know what I mean? Such as if my policies had been more airtight they would not have nickeled & dimed me to death, would not have picked up late, would not have brought sick kids. Or will this type of parent always do this & force the issue regardless of how tight the policies are. I did stand up to them on more than one ocassion but I simply just got sick of dealing with the crap. Sorry to rant on your post. But I think sometimes the guilt I deal with tends to be the kind that says, "it's my fauly because I should have done it different or reacted to their issues in a different manner".First, the guilt is normal in these situations, especially during these difficult economic times where EVERYONE has a sob story to tell.
Second, good for you for sticking to your contract and letting them go.
Third, to ease the guilt - try to think on the bright side - maybe this will be one of those lessons that the parents needed to teach them about responsibility. Maybe in the future they will take their daycare provider more seriously. Maybe they were just immature and needed the cool water splashed in their face to make them grow up. Maybe you have taught them something that will help them to be better, more responsible parents and citizens. Now, I'm not bashing the parents. I'm just saying that this lesson may make them BETTER than they were. Look for the silver lining and pray that they will learn.
professionalmom 04:02 PM 08-09-2010
Originally Posted by janarae:
Here's the question I deal with regarding that & maybe someone can shed light on this to help me too. The family I let go sometimes I wonder if it was MY fault for their shortcomings b/c I was not strict enough, you know what I mean? Such as if my policies had been more airtight they would not have nickeled & dimed me to death, would not have picked up late, would not have brought sick kids. Or will this type of parent always do this & force the issue regardless of how tight the policies are. I did stand up to them on more than one ocassion but I simply just got sick of dealing with the crap. Sorry to rant on your post. But I think sometimes the guilt I deal with tends to be the kind that says, "it's my fauly because I should have done it different or reacted to their issues in a different manner".
I have dealt with that to. Did I play it so nicey nice that I brought it on myself? The real answer is no. I have been super nice to all my DC families and some have been so overwhelmingly appreciative whereas others were like, "duh, of course you're not going to charge me for that" (even though, per the contract I could). It was like I OWED them something, rather than me being nice and giving them a break. Then when the breaks stopped and I put my foot down (once I realized they were only using me), they got really nasty and nothing I said, about all the breaks I had given them in the past, mattered. Either they are users or they are not. It does NOT matter if you gave them breaks or not. If they had any kind of character at all, they would have been appreciative. The fact that they weren't just shows who they really are. And the fact that you analyze the situation and are willing to question whether you MAY have contributed, shows your character - which is by far better than theirs.Here's the question I deal with regarding that & maybe someone can shed light on this to help me too. The family I let go sometimes I wonder if it was MY fault for their shortcomings b/c I was not strict enough, you know what I mean? Such as if my policies had been more airtight they would not have nickeled & dimed me to death, would not have picked up late, would not have brought sick kids. Or will this type of parent always do this & force the issue regardless of how tight the policies are. I did stand up to them on more than one ocassion but I simply just got sick of dealing with the crap. Sorry to rant on your post. But I think sometimes the guilt I deal with tends to be the kind that says, "it's my fauly because I should have done it different or reacted to their issues in a different manner".
kidkair 09:12 AM 08-11-2010
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
Kenny,
It goes with the territory. I respect you for upholding your contract! Unfortunately last year I started doing daycare for my nephew and two nieces; and my sister in law never paid on time, sometimes three weeks late; and had bounced checks. She still owes me. I couldn't really terminate b/c they were family. But it sure was frustrating! Fate (or God) ended up playing a role, they are not with me any longer b/c their father lost his job and I have since filled their spots. I will NOT do daycare for family members ever again!
You have done the right thing. Please don't feel awful! They technically broke the contract by not paying on time and giving you checks that bounced.
I nearly terminated my sister because of non-payment and late pick-ups. She was quite surprised because she's family. I just explained that family or not this is my business and I need that money just as she needs her paycheck. She got her rear in gear and paid me.Kenny,
It goes with the territory. I respect you for upholding your contract! Unfortunately last year I started doing daycare for my nephew and two nieces; and my sister in law never paid on time, sometimes three weeks late; and had bounced checks. She still owes me. I couldn't really terminate b/c they were family. But it sure was frustrating! Fate (or God) ended up playing a role, they are not with me any longer b/c their father lost his job and I have since filled their spots. I will NOT do daycare for family members ever again!
You have done the right thing. Please don't feel awful! They technically broke the contract by not paying on time and giving you checks that bounced.
kendallina 09:37 AM 08-11-2010
I've had to let families go in the past and it is a hard thing to do.
Parents that don't follow the rules, in their heart of hearts, they know they should be terminated. Especially for something like non payment. I definitely understand how it still makes you feel bad, but it has to be done, they cannot take advantage of you like that. You work hard for their kids and you deserve to have families that respect you.
Parents that don't follow the rules, in their heart of hearts, they know they should be terminated. Especially for something like non payment. I definitely understand how it still makes you feel bad, but it has to be done, they cannot take advantage of you like that. You work hard for their kids and you deserve to have families that respect you.
Lilbutterflie 09:40 AM 08-11-2010
Originally Posted by kidkair:
I nearly terminated my sister because of non-payment and late pick-ups. She was quite surprised because she's family. I just explained that family or not this is my business and I need that money just as she needs her paycheck. She got her rear in gear and paid me.
Kidkair, Good for you! I so wish I could've done that without the whole family coming down on me. She is my husband's sister, and she has always been the one in the family with money issues. Everyone has always just helped her along, and so I feel that's what everyone expected me to do, too. The part that gets me is that SHE used to be MY daycare provider!! Ha! She ended up closing down her daycare and getting a full time job, and I ended up doing the opposite. I NEVER had a late payment with her, NEVER had bounced checks. There were so many other issues with her also, like dropping off way later than I was told, picking up late all of the time, and the father being home when the kids were in my care. UGH. It's over now, and that's the important thing!I nearly terminated my sister because of non-payment and late pick-ups. She was quite surprised because she's family. I just explained that family or not this is my business and I need that money just as she needs her paycheck. She got her rear in gear and paid me.
momma2girls 09:49 AM 08-11-2010
It does get easier, although, it might sound harsh to some. It seems like over the yrs. of providing good daycare-you really do meet all kinds!! Between the very needy parents, the ones that want you to bend all your rules for them, ones wanting this and that as a break, ones that take total advantage of you, seperation anxiety children, colicky babies, the ones that forget to pay you, bounced checks, think you do not deserve a vac., the list goes on and on.........
nbtan 10:45 AM 08-11-2010
i just had to do this too. And yes I feel terrible!! But in the end, this is a buisness, we arent doing this for fun and you deserve to be paid!
professionalmom 07:04 PM 08-12-2010
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
Kidkair, Good for you! I so wish I could've done that without the whole family coming down on me. She is my husband's sister, and she has always been the one in the family with money issues. Everyone has always just helped her along, and so I feel that's what everyone expected me to do, too. The part that gets me is that SHE used to be MY daycare provider!! Ha! She ended up closing down her daycare and getting a full time job, and I ended up doing the opposite. I NEVER had a late payment with her, NEVER had bounced checks. There were so many other issues with her also, like dropping off way later than I was told, picking up late all of the time, and the father being home when the kids were in my care. UGH. It's over now, and that's the important thing!
And no one ever thought that MAYBE it would be best for your SIL and HER family if you got tough with her and made her grow up? It sounds like you married into a family of enablers. That's why she has never grown up.Kidkair, Good for you! I so wish I could've done that without the whole family coming down on me. She is my husband's sister, and she has always been the one in the family with money issues. Everyone has always just helped her along, and so I feel that's what everyone expected me to do, too. The part that gets me is that SHE used to be MY daycare provider!! Ha! She ended up closing down her daycare and getting a full time job, and I ended up doing the opposite. I NEVER had a late payment with her, NEVER had bounced checks. There were so many other issues with her also, like dropping off way later than I was told, picking up late all of the time, and the father being home when the kids were in my care. UGH. It's over now, and that's the important thing!
missnikki 06:57 AM 08-13-2010
I have found that over the years, the way to deal with these things is to be short and sweet. Think about it on your time, not with them around, if possible. Consider your policies, and why you have them- most of mine were added after families like that.
Do not feel awful- they sure don't. (At least not for the way they treated you.)
Do not feel awful- they sure don't. (At least not for the way they treated you.)
professionalmom 07:42 PM 08-14-2010
Originally Posted by missnikki:
Do not feel awful- they sure don't. (At least not for the way they treated you.)
VERY true. I'll bet they do not lay awake at night wondering if they may have offended you in some way. So why beat yourself up about doing what is right for you, your family, your business, and your other DC kids? Do not feel awful- they sure don't. (At least not for the way they treated you.)
Ok, I just realized how stupid it was of me to type that response considering I never took that advice myself - but I have OCD and I obsess about whether I have hurt someone else's feelings, offended womeone, etc. But the advice is still good advice. Maybe I should have taken my own advice a little more.
momofboys 10:23 AM 08-15-2010
Originally Posted by professionalmom:
I have dealt with that to. Did I play it so nicey nice that I brought it on myself? The real answer is no. I have been super nice to all my DC families and some have been so overwhelmingly appreciative whereas others were like, "duh, of course you're not going to charge me for that" (even though, per the contract I could). It was like I OWED them something, rather than me being nice and giving them a break. Then when the breaks stopped and I put my foot down (once I realized they were only using me), they got really nasty and nothing I said, about all the breaks I had given them in the past, mattered. Either they are users or they are not. It does NOT matter if you gave them breaks or not. If they had any kind of character at all, they would have been appreciative. The fact that they weren't just shows who they really are. And the fact that you analyze the situation and are willing to question whether you MAY have contributed, shows your character - which is by far better than theirs.
thanks, that helps me feel better. I still deal with this guilt & secondguess my decision b/c I see the family on a regular basis. I know in my heart it was the right decision but I still feel bad even though I did nothing wrong.I have dealt with that to. Did I play it so nicey nice that I brought it on myself? The real answer is no. I have been super nice to all my DC families and some have been so overwhelmingly appreciative whereas others were like, "duh, of course you're not going to charge me for that" (even though, per the contract I could). It was like I OWED them something, rather than me being nice and giving them a break. Then when the breaks stopped and I put my foot down (once I realized they were only using me), they got really nasty and nothing I said, about all the breaks I had given them in the past, mattered. Either they are users or they are not. It does NOT matter if you gave them breaks or not. If they had any kind of character at all, they would have been appreciative. The fact that they weren't just shows who they really are. And the fact that you analyze the situation and are willing to question whether you MAY have contributed, shows your character - which is by far better than theirs.