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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>We have decided that the naughty 2.5 yo has too much power.
sahm2three 12:09 PM 11-30-2011
He has too much power at home, gets away with everything. And here, our hands are tied as to what we can do. Everything is a fight. So, even though I am terming him, how do you keep your power? My power was lost somewhere along the way, and I think part of the problem here is (at least for me) is that I now feel the need to WIN at SOMETHING with him. He always gets his way. He doesn't want to eat something? Well, he just chews it up and stores it in his cheeks. Refuses to spit it out or swallow it. What do you do? Stuff like that. I guess I am old school where I believe that the adult should be in charge and the child should be taught respect and that they do NOT get the last word. So, in a daycare setting, how do you teach this?!
Ariana 12:17 PM 11-30-2011
A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
sahm2three 12:51 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Ariana:
A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
I honestly put on the smileyest face and cheeriest voice and start our day off with hugs and positivity. I treat him the same as all the other kids. I use a lot of 10 second countdowns when dealing with him (turn my back and count slowly to 10 to compose myself so that I can talk to him in a stern but lovingish voice.) He honestly just resists being directed in any way. He ends up losing the privelege of playing in the play area with the other kids and all the fun toys because he is a toy hoarder. No matter how many times we redirect him, sing the sharing song, he refuses to be directed. He is so sweet and sour, and it turns in a second flat. He can be laughing and playing and being great, the very next second, with no warning, he will just shove someone down or throw a toy at someone and scowl. It is odd. He has to have his own area and even then, he misuses toys to get into trouble.
i am just sad about this all, and I was looking at him as he was sleeping today and thinking about all the fun we had how sweet he was. He has turned. Something in him has turned. I honestly can say it is not me or something I have done. One day, he was just different.
sahm2three 12:57 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Ariana:
A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
And I guess I just mean that the child needs to know who is in charge. They need to know that the adult is in charge, not them. Does that make sense? Kids seem so entitled these days, and think that everyone was put on this earth to serve them and make them happy. Sad.A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
Pammie 12:59 PM 11-30-2011
I tell all of my prospective clients during interviews that anytime an issue becomes a battle of wills between a child and myself, I will always win.
Then, when we have such issues when the child reaches 2.5+, and I discuss it with the parent, I tell the dcp in my sweetest tone, "I guess little Suzy missed the point in orientation that in battles of wills, I always win." I personally don't care if a parent and a child BOTH want the child to win - my house, my rules.
I suppose I'm simply "old school" and out of principle, a child never wins when they choose to make a battle out of willfulness. Can a child get what they want when they can calmly ask me to change my mind about something, explaining why it's important to them? Yes - often. But disobedience, stubbornness and tantrums NEVER get a win for a child here.
I've been raising polite, courteous, respectful children for over 30 years now. A child that feels that they can WIN over an adult, or can manipulate an adult through their behavior has too much power in their little mind. This child interprets "respect" from adults as adult compliance to his desires. By taking the power away from the child, you're doing them a favor by teaching them that they aren't in charge of their world. There will ALWAYS be authority figures in a person's life and the sooner a little person learns that they aren't in charge and have to comply to the authorities in their life, the smoother and happier a life that little person is going to have.
In dealing with the child in the original post. I handle those issues with taking ALL power away from the child, until they can demonstrate that they've earned the right to make some decisions for themselves.
Want to store chewed food in your cheeks? Fine by me, but you don't get up from the table with food in your mouth - it's a choking hazard and it's my job to keep you safe. Offer a napkin beside his plate that he can spit the wad into, but his little self stays on that seat until he swallows or spits the wad. Fine by me if he sits for 2 hours. The option on what to do with the wad of food is his choice - following my rule that we don't get out of our seats with food in the mouth is non-negotiable.
My very most humble opinion.
Then, when we have such issues when the child reaches 2.5+, and I discuss it with the parent, I tell the dcp in my sweetest tone, "I guess little Suzy missed the point in orientation that in battles of wills, I always win." I personally don't care if a parent and a child BOTH want the child to win - my house, my rules.
I suppose I'm simply "old school" and out of principle, a child never wins when they choose to make a battle out of willfulness. Can a child get what they want when they can calmly ask me to change my mind about something, explaining why it's important to them? Yes - often. But disobedience, stubbornness and tantrums NEVER get a win for a child here.
Originally Posted by Ariana:
A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
I respectfully disagree.A power struggle with a child is NEVER going to end well. If you're going into this with trying to "win" something, you never will. This kid needs respect from adults just as much as adults needs respect from him. He's in a pattern of negative interactions with EVERYONE around him, it isn't about power. Powerless kids act out. Kids who feel empowered do not. I don't have time to write out a step by step plan but I think in this particular scenario your thinking pattern is a bit off for this particular kid. I've worked with many children with behaviors like this and honey always gets you further than vinegar.
The only way to teach kids is by modelling the behavior yourself. Are you polite and respectful to him at all times? (you need to be honest here...even when he's getting on your last nerve). We are in a very powerful position as caregivers/teachers. We earn respect not demand it unfortunately.
I think this child needs another approach sorry
I've been raising polite, courteous, respectful children for over 30 years now. A child that feels that they can WIN over an adult, or can manipulate an adult through their behavior has too much power in their little mind. This child interprets "respect" from adults as adult compliance to his desires. By taking the power away from the child, you're doing them a favor by teaching them that they aren't in charge of their world. There will ALWAYS be authority figures in a person's life and the sooner a little person learns that they aren't in charge and have to comply to the authorities in their life, the smoother and happier a life that little person is going to have.
In dealing with the child in the original post. I handle those issues with taking ALL power away from the child, until they can demonstrate that they've earned the right to make some decisions for themselves.
Want to store chewed food in your cheeks? Fine by me, but you don't get up from the table with food in your mouth - it's a choking hazard and it's my job to keep you safe. Offer a napkin beside his plate that he can spit the wad into, but his little self stays on that seat until he swallows or spits the wad. Fine by me if he sits for 2 hours. The option on what to do with the wad of food is his choice - following my rule that we don't get out of our seats with food in the mouth is non-negotiable.
My very most humble opinion.
sahm2three 01:22 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Pammie:
I tell all of my prospective clients during interviews that anytime an issue becomes a battle of wills between a child and myself, I will always win.
Then, when we have such issues when the child reaches 2.5+, and I discuss it with the parent, I tell the dcp in my sweetest tone, "I guess little Suzy missed the point in orientation that in battles of wills, I always win." I personally don't care if a parent and a child BOTH want the child to win - my house, my rules.
I suppose I'm simply "old school" and out of principle, a child never wins when they choose to make a battle out of willfulness. Can a child get what they want when they can calmly ask me to change my mind about something, explaining why it's important to them? Yes - often. But disobedience, stubbornness and tantrums NEVER get a win for a child here.
I respectfully disagree.
I've been raising polite, courteous, respectful children for over 30 years now. A child that feels that they can WIN over an adult, or can manipulate an adult through their behavior has too much power in their little mind. This child interprets "respect" from adults as adult compliance to his desires. By taking the power away from the child, you're doing them a favor by teaching them that they aren't in charge of their world. There will ALWAYS be authority figures in a person's life and the sooner a little person learns that they aren't in charge and have to comply to the authorities in their life, the smoother and happier a life that little person is going to have.
In dealing with the child in the original post. I handle those issues with taking ALL power away from the child, until they can demonstrate that they've earned the right to make some decisions for themselves.
Want to store chewed food in your cheeks? Fine by me, but you don't get up from the table with food in your mouth - it's a choking hazard and it's my job to keep you safe. Offer a napkin beside his plate that he can spit the wad into, but his little self stays on that seat until he swallows or spits the wad. Fine by me if he sits for 2 hours. The option on what to do with the wad of food is his choice - following my rule that we don't get out of our seats with food in the mouth is non-negotiable.
My very most humble opinion.
I tell all of my prospective clients during interviews that anytime an issue becomes a battle of wills between a child and myself, I will always win.
Then, when we have such issues when the child reaches 2.5+, and I discuss it with the parent, I tell the dcp in my sweetest tone, "I guess little Suzy missed the point in orientation that in battles of wills, I always win." I personally don't care if a parent and a child BOTH want the child to win - my house, my rules.
I suppose I'm simply "old school" and out of principle, a child never wins when they choose to make a battle out of willfulness. Can a child get what they want when they can calmly ask me to change my mind about something, explaining why it's important to them? Yes - often. But disobedience, stubbornness and tantrums NEVER get a win for a child here.
I respectfully disagree.
I've been raising polite, courteous, respectful children for over 30 years now. A child that feels that they can WIN over an adult, or can manipulate an adult through their behavior has too much power in their little mind. This child interprets "respect" from adults as adult compliance to his desires. By taking the power away from the child, you're doing them a favor by teaching them that they aren't in charge of their world. There will ALWAYS be authority figures in a person's life and the sooner a little person learns that they aren't in charge and have to comply to the authorities in their life, the smoother and happier a life that little person is going to have.
In dealing with the child in the original post. I handle those issues with taking ALL power away from the child, until they can demonstrate that they've earned the right to make some decisions for themselves.
Want to store chewed food in your cheeks? Fine by me, but you don't get up from the table with food in your mouth - it's a choking hazard and it's my job to keep you safe. Offer a napkin beside his plate that he can spit the wad into, but his little self stays on that seat until he swallows or spits the wad. Fine by me if he sits for 2 hours. The option on what to do with the wad of food is his choice - following my rule that we don't get out of our seats with food in the mouth is non-negotiable.
My very most humble opinion.
Exactly. My own kids are very polite, respectful kids. But how do I keep my power and take my power back from the naughty 2.5 yo I have talked about? He fell asleep in the chair and I had to force his mouth open and scoop as much of the food out of his mouth as I could and then gave him a drink hoping the rest went down. It is ALWAYS something.
Unregistered 01:32 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Pammie:
I tell all of my prospective clients during interviews that anytime an issue becomes a battle of wills between a child and myself, I will always win.
Then, when we have such issues when the child reaches 2.5+, and I discuss it with the parent, I tell the dcp in my sweetest tone, "I guess little Suzy missed the point in orientation that in battles of wills, I always win." I personally don't care if a parent and a child BOTH want the child to win - my house, my rules.
I suppose I'm simply "old school" and out of principle, a child never wins when they choose to make a battle out of willfulness. Can a child get what they want when they can calmly ask me to change my mind about something, explaining why it's important to them? Yes - often. But disobedience, stubbornness and tantrums NEVER get a win for a child here.
I respectfully disagree.
I've been raising polite, courteous, respectful children for over 30 years now. A child that feels that they can WIN over an adult, or can manipulate an adult through their behavior has too much power in their little mind. This child interprets "respect" from adults as adult compliance to his desires. By taking the power away from the child, you're doing them a favor by teaching them that they aren't in charge of their world. There will ALWAYS be authority figures in a person's life and the sooner a little person learns that they aren't in charge and have to comply to the authorities in their life, the smoother and happier a life that little person is going to have.
In dealing with the child in the original post. I handle those issues with taking ALL power away from the child, until they can demonstrate that they've earned the right to make some decisions for themselves.
Want to store chewed food in your cheeks? Fine by me, but you don't get up from the table with food in your mouth - it's a choking hazard and it's my job to keep you safe. Offer a napkin beside his plate that he can spit the wad into, but his little self stays on that seat until he swallows or spits the wad. Fine by me if he sits for 2 hours. The option on what to do with the wad of food is his choice - following my rule that we don't get out of our seats with food in the mouth is non-negotiable.
My very most humble opinion.
FANTASTIC post!! Things started falling apart when the authority figures in the world (parents, teachers, caregivers etc) started believing that little children had power. It is OUR job to raise them, guide them and teach them but I will NEVER be manipulated by a child because he feels he has the power to do so. I tell all of my prospective clients during interviews that anytime an issue becomes a battle of wills between a child and myself, I will always win.
Then, when we have such issues when the child reaches 2.5+, and I discuss it with the parent, I tell the dcp in my sweetest tone, "I guess little Suzy missed the point in orientation that in battles of wills, I always win." I personally don't care if a parent and a child BOTH want the child to win - my house, my rules.
I suppose I'm simply "old school" and out of principle, a child never wins when they choose to make a battle out of willfulness. Can a child get what they want when they can calmly ask me to change my mind about something, explaining why it's important to them? Yes - often. But disobedience, stubbornness and tantrums NEVER get a win for a child here.
I respectfully disagree.
I've been raising polite, courteous, respectful children for over 30 years now. A child that feels that they can WIN over an adult, or can manipulate an adult through their behavior has too much power in their little mind. This child interprets "respect" from adults as adult compliance to his desires. By taking the power away from the child, you're doing them a favor by teaching them that they aren't in charge of their world. There will ALWAYS be authority figures in a person's life and the sooner a little person learns that they aren't in charge and have to comply to the authorities in their life, the smoother and happier a life that little person is going to have.
In dealing with the child in the original post. I handle those issues with taking ALL power away from the child, until they can demonstrate that they've earned the right to make some decisions for themselves.
Want to store chewed food in your cheeks? Fine by me, but you don't get up from the table with food in your mouth - it's a choking hazard and it's my job to keep you safe. Offer a napkin beside his plate that he can spit the wad into, but his little self stays on that seat until he swallows or spits the wad. Fine by me if he sits for 2 hours. The option on what to do with the wad of food is his choice - following my rule that we don't get out of our seats with food in the mouth is non-negotiable.
My very most humble opinion.
Respect is definitely earned. Children have feelings, they have rights and they have needs but they should never be the ones who have the power. Adults have power.
(I am speaking in general terms, not about giving them power to choose what color shirt to wear or toy to play with.)
Ariana 04:54 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I honestly put on the smileyest face and cheeriest voice and start our day off with hugs and positivity. I treat him the same as all the other kids. I use a lot of 10 second countdowns when dealing with him (turn my back and count slowly to 10 to compose myself so that I can talk to him in a stern but lovingish voice.) He honestly just resists being directed in any way. He ends up losing the privelege of playing in the play area with the other kids and all the fun toys because he is a toy hoarder. No matter how many times we redirect him, sing the sharing song, he refuses to be directed. He is so sweet and sour, and it turns in a second flat. He can be laughing and playing and being great, the very next second, with no warning, he will just shove someone down or throw a toy at someone and scowl. It is odd. He has to have his own area and even then, he misuses toys to get into trouble. i am just sad about this all, and I was looking at him as he was sleeping today and thinking about all the fun we had how sweet he was. He has turned. Something in him has turned. I honestly can say it is not me or something I have done. One day, he was just different.
Do you think he's being abused or something like that? Any issues in his family life? A boy that I had in my care like this was living with a man that he called "dad" but was really the moms boyfriend and she had abandoned him with this guy. She came in and out of his life pretty irregularly. No boundaries at home and the "dad" worked construction and for loooong hours. The kid needed love like you wouldn't believe.I honestly put on the smileyest face and cheeriest voice and start our day off with hugs and positivity. I treat him the same as all the other kids. I use a lot of 10 second countdowns when dealing with him (turn my back and count slowly to 10 to compose myself so that I can talk to him in a stern but lovingish voice.) He honestly just resists being directed in any way. He ends up losing the privelege of playing in the play area with the other kids and all the fun toys because he is a toy hoarder. No matter how many times we redirect him, sing the sharing song, he refuses to be directed. He is so sweet and sour, and it turns in a second flat. He can be laughing and playing and being great, the very next second, with no warning, he will just shove someone down or throw a toy at someone and scowl. It is odd. He has to have his own area and even then, he misuses toys to get into trouble.
i am just sad about this all, and I was looking at him as he was sleeping today and thinking about all the fun we had how sweet he was. He has turned. Something in him has turned. I honestly can say it is not me or something I have done. One day, he was just different.I think your posts come across like you're very angry with this kid and are always fighting with him. I find it hard to give any advice on forums because you just don't really know what the situation is really like.
Ariana 04:57 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
FANTASTIC post!! Things started falling apart when the authority figures in the world (parents, teachers, caregivers etc) started believing that little children had power. It is OUR job to raise them, guide them and teach them but I will NEVER be manipulated by a child because he feels he has the power to do so.
Respect is definitely earned. Children have feelings, they have rights and they have needs but they should never be the ones who have the power. Adults have power.
(I am speaking in general terms, not about giving them power to choose what color shirt to wear or toy to play with.)
We speak all the time on here about rude parents. Do you think those parents raise kind considerate adults? nope! This is why modelling is so important. You might be the only person who shows a kid respect in his little world. I see caregivers and parents telling their kids "say please, say thank you" never once uttering those words to the child when they give them something etc. This is just a small example. I'm not talking about letting kids run all over you. Setting healthy boundaries and treating children with dignity and respect is what I'm talking about. So many people are obsessed with 'control' and in the end 'control' creates angry kids.FANTASTIC post!! Things started falling apart when the authority figures in the world (parents, teachers, caregivers etc) started believing that little children had power. It is OUR job to raise them, guide them and teach them but I will NEVER be manipulated by a child because he feels he has the power to do so.
Respect is definitely earned. Children have feelings, they have rights and they have needs but they should never be the ones who have the power. Adults have power.
(I am speaking in general terms, not about giving them power to choose what color shirt to wear or toy to play with.)
daycare 05:19 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Ariana:
We speak all the time on here about rude parents. Do you think those parents raise kind considerate adults? nope! This is why modelling is so important. You might be the only person who shows a kid respect in his little world. I see caregivers and parents telling their kids "say please, say thank you" never once uttering those words to the child when they give them something etc. This is just a small example. I'm not talking about letting kids run all over you. Setting healthy boundaries and treating children with dignity and respect is what I'm talking about. So many people are obsessed with 'control' and in the end 'control' creates angry kids.
I think that you can have control an still show/set healthy boudries. I don't give into letting any child try to take power of how they will behave in my home.We speak all the time on here about rude parents. Do you think those parents raise kind considerate adults? nope! This is why modelling is so important. You might be the only person who shows a kid respect in his little world. I see caregivers and parents telling their kids "say please, say thank you" never once uttering those words to the child when they give them something etc. This is just a small example. I'm not talking about letting kids run all over you. Setting healthy boundaries and treating children with dignity and respect is what I'm talking about. So many people are obsessed with 'control' and in the end 'control' creates angry kids.
I show them with dignity and respect and I always end up with "Stellar" little citizens.
I like to give the power of choice. I love children who are powerful, they may grow up to be president one day, if given the proper guidance. I don't try to take their power away so to speak, but direct them in the right way to use it.
But from the sounds of it, this child is trying to over power the provider.
wdmmom 06:05 PM 11-30-2011
Sounds like he needs a double dose of time out! 
When it comes to my kids getting froggy, depending on the offense, they know the end result. It's either time out or a playard...neither of which they like.
When it comes to my kids getting froggy, depending on the offense, they know the end result. It's either time out or a playard...neither of which they like.
skittles 06:18 PM 11-30-2011
currently going through the SAME issue with a three year old who I had in care on and off since he was 18 months. Not much of a power struggle with me anymore except when parents are present. He started to bite so he could tell his mom he bit someone at daycare. I have found that if he bites someone or has a really violent out of control behavior if he lays down on his mat as a consequence the behavior will cease. We are allowed to send children to quiet time as a consequence in our state so maybe this is an option. Most of the time after a few minutes they fall asleep anyways.
sahm2three 06:54 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Do you think he's being abused or something like that? Any issues in his family life? A boy that I had in my care like this was living with a man that he called "dad" but was really the moms boyfriend and she had abandoned him with this guy. She came in and out of his life pretty irregularly. No boundaries at home and the "dad" worked construction and for loooong hours. The kid needed love like you wouldn't believe.
I think your posts come across like you're very angry with this kid and are always fighting with him. I find it hard to give any advice on forums because you just don't really know what the situation is really like.
I don't know a lot about his family life. His parents are young. I honestly don't think they abuse him, the opposite actually. I think he is completely coddled and runs the show. Only thing I can kind of correlate the change in him was after his sibling was born. It wasn't right away, but was after the sibling was born. I tried to give him extra snuggles and extra one on one time to try to counteract the frustration he was feeling, but it just didn't seem to help. And his behavior kept getting worse and worse.Do you think he's being abused or something like that? Any issues in his family life? A boy that I had in my care like this was living with a man that he called "dad" but was really the moms boyfriend and she had abandoned him with this guy. She came in and out of his life pretty irregularly. No boundaries at home and the "dad" worked construction and for loooong hours. The kid needed love like you wouldn't believe.
I think your posts come across like you're very angry with this kid and are always fighting with him. I find it hard to give any advice on forums because you just don't really know what the situation is really like.
I am not angry at the child. I know it isn't all his fault. His parents are doing him a diservice by not holding him accountable and giving him clear consequences. That is my opinion. I am sad and upset that he is causing so much stress and disruption to my daycare, my experience, and the experience of the other kids. That is what upsets me. He frustrates me, very much. And I wish there was something more I feel like I could do without taking more away from teh other kids, but just not sure there is if the parents aren't on the same page.
Hunni Bee 09:04 PM 11-30-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
He has too much power at home, gets away with everything. And here, our hands are tied as to what we can do. Everything is a fight. So, even though I am terming him, how do you keep your power? My power was lost somewhere along the way, and I think part of the problem here is (at least for me) is that I now feel the need to WIN at SOMETHING with him. He always gets his way. He doesn't want to eat something? Well, he just chews it up and stores it in his cheeks. Refuses to spit it out or swallow it. What do you do? Stuff like that. I guess I am old school where I believe that the adult should be in charge and the child should be taught respect and that they do NOT get the last word. So, in a daycare setting, how do you teach this?!
I have the same problem with a 4 year old. He's a little delayed, but he is able to follow the same expectations as my other 3-4 year olds. He has too much power at home, gets away with everything. And here, our hands are tied as to what we can do. Everything is a fight. So, even though I am terming him, how do you keep your power? My power was lost somewhere along the way, and I think part of the problem here is (at least for me) is that I now feel the need to WIN at SOMETHING with him. He always gets his way. He doesn't want to eat something? Well, he just chews it up and stores it in his cheeks. Refuses to spit it out or swallow it. What do you do? Stuff like that. I guess I am old school where I believe that the adult should be in charge and the child should be taught respect and that they do NOT get the last word. So, in a daycare setting, how do you teach this?!
Like Monday, he wanted me to remove his coat and backpack and hang it in his cubby for him. Just because - not because he doesn't know how or anything. Nope. So he rolled around on the floor in tantrum mode til 11:30 in his coat and backpack.
Sorry, we don't put our feet on the table either. If we do, we don't get to use the table.
I agree that the adult should win in those situations. We make sure to provide situations in which the child can win and be successful, but not in matters of behavior. You lose one time, the child will expect you to back down or lose every time, and will employ the necessary behavior to ensure that you lose.
But the battle is wearing me out.