Parents Playing At Pick Up

[jacksmommy13]

My DCB, 3 years old, has been crying a pick up lately because he's not done playing. He's the last DCK to leave. I've tried picking up toys before mom/dad get here so there's nothing to continue to play with, I tried telling DCB he will get a sticker when he doesn't cry, and I've tried having dcb with shoes/coat on and ready to go. I open the door and hand over dcb but his parents will pick up dcb and walk right in my house as I'm saying bye. DCB startscrying as soon as I open the door, and I feel like his mom and dad don't want to leave when they don't know why he's crying. I wish they would just take DCB and walk back to their car.
They ask him "what's wrong?" DCB wants to still play or he wants to show mom/dad what he has been playing.

Yesterday it was he wanted to play with paint with his dad and his dad said, "I'm sure we can play for 5 minutes." They walked in and grabbed some of the crafts that were still out and continued to paint for a minute. We paint in my dinning room, which is right next to the door, so I felt I couldn't stop them, and dad was 5 minutes early....so was it wrong I felt they shouldn't stay?

Earlier in the week, dcb cried and wanted to show dad what he made out of lego duplos and dragged dad through the house to the playroom, then cried until dad helped him make a lego car.
Today, we were playing super heroes, he was dressed up in a cape when mom came and he cried wanting his mom to be a villain and let him chase her around. She said, "It will make him happy and stop crying" She walked right passed me and started playing.
This seriously happens everyday, I wish I could wait in my car with him, hand him over and then run inside!

So...
Do you let DCP "play" at pick up or go to the playroom to see what they made out of blocks? What if the parents come early, would that be ok for DCP to play then?

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by jacksmommy13

My DCB, 3 years old, has been crying a pick up lately because he's not done playing. He's the last DCK to leave. I've tried picking up toys before mom/dad get here so there's nothing to continue to play with, I tried telling DCB he will get a sticker when he doesn't cry, and I've tried having dcb with shoes/coat on and ready to go. I open the door and hand over dcb but his parents will pick up dcb and walk right in my house as I'm saying bye. DCB startscrying as soon as I open the door, and I feel like his mom and dad don't want to leave when they don't know why he's crying. I wish they would just take DCB and walk back to their car.
They ask him "what's wrong?" DCB wants to still play or he wants to show mom/dad what he has been playing.

Yesterday it was he wanted to play with paint with his dad and his dad said, "I'm sure we can play for 5 minutes." They walked in and grabbed some of the crafts that were still out and continued to paint for a minute. We paint in my dinning room, which is right next to the door, so I felt I couldn't stop them, and dad was 5 minutes early....so was it wrong I felt they shouldn't stay?

Earlier in the week, dcb cried and wanted to show dad what he made out of lego duplos and dragged dad through the house to the playroom, then cried until dad helped him make a lego car.
Today, we were playing super heroes, he was dressed up in a cape when mom came and he cried wanting his mom to be a villain and let him chase her around. She said, "It will make him happy and stop crying" She walked right passed me and started playing.
This seriously happens everyday, I wish I could wait in my car with him, hand him over and then run inside!

So...
Do you let DCP "play" at pick up or go to the playroom to see what they made out of blocks? What if the parents come early, would that be ok for DCP to play then?

Nope. Nope. NOPE! I've had kids pull this, too. It's about control and nothing else. They want to show you that THEY are in charge when their parents show up. I've had to straight out explain this to parents in the past and insist that they take their child out the door immediately. Once they see that the kid doesn't DIIIIIE from leaving daycare, they believe me about the cause of the issue to begin with.

If you're uncomfortable with the conversation, have the kid ready to go, meet parents outdoors, LOCK door behind you, and find something to do outdoors or get in your car and leave. I think you'll find the conversation the easy way to go, but if you can't do it-give them the message non verbally that playing at your house after daycare isn't going to happen.

When this happens I tell the child mom/dad is here time to go home and tell him/her to put whatever they have away and that he/she can use it again tomorrow. I will hold child's hand, walk over to the parent, hand child over and say bye see you tomorrow. I also put out a letter in the enrollment packet and send home reminders if needed that due to liability reasons once a child is signed out they cannot be on the premises so it doesn't matter if they come early, they still need to leave.

In your situation I would just tell the parent sorry but your child is signed out and they need to leave. If they are there they must sign out their child.

[Josiegirl]

I have a hard time with this too, both at drop off and pick up. Most parents are very good about it but there is one......And if I knew what time they'd be here each day, I'd have their kids ready to walk out the door. I've even offered everyone to text me when they're on their way and I'd have them ready.
The only thing to do is remind one more time, either face to face or written reminder. And if it truly bothers you, you might have to get more assertive about it, saying my day is done, everyone else has left, I'm sure you'd like to spend time with your son at home, 'dcb, we've been playing here all day, I'm sure mommy would love to be home with you now'.
Sounds like dcp just doesn't want to hear ds crying and it's like any change in a child's life, it will take an adjustment period to get him in a new routine. DCM has to step up and help with that.
It's maddening and frustrating because dcb is ruling them. What happens when 5 minutes is not enough? Or when they go to the store and have a tantrum because they want something? Or they take kids' toys at the park? Does the parent stop that? Parents need to step up and not worry about making their child happy all the time.

There have got to be blogs out there somewhere, talking about that it's okay for kids to not always get their way. They will live and even learn from it.

[JackandJill]

I would just be upfront at the next drop off. I would just be straight forward, and say that you are done your work day, its disruptive to your personal time. I think that its incredibly rude of parents do stuff like this.

And I agree with a previous poster - this is a control situation, on both the child and the parents part. Take back your house and time, tell them no more!!

[mommyneedsadayoff]

That would drive me bonkers! Pp is right...its a control isdue and the child is winning. I would be very clear that it's time to go. Coat on, standing by the door, once you open, move kid out, say bye, shut door, pour glass of wine. Some parents literally need you to spell it out for them.

[284878]

Originally Posted by jacksmommy13

My DCB, 3 years old, has been crying a pick up lately because he's not done playing. He's the last DCK to leave. I've tried picking up toys before mom/dad get here so there's nothing to continue to play with, I tried telling DCB he will get a sticker when he doesn't cry, and I've tried having dcb with shoes/coat on and ready to go. I open the door and hand over dcb but his parents will pick up dcb and walk right in my house as I'm saying bye. DCB startscrying as soon as I open the door, and I feel like his mom and dad don't want to leave when they don't know why he's crying. I wish they would just take DCB and walk back to their car.
They ask him "what's wrong?" DCB wants to still play or he wants to show mom/dad what he has been playing.

Yesterday it was he wanted to play with paint with his dad and his dad said, "I'm sure we can play for 5 minutes." They walked in and grabbed some of the crafts that were still out and continued to paint for a minute. We paint in my dinning room, which is right next to the door, so I felt I couldn't stop them, and dad was 5 minutes early....so was it wrong I felt they shouldn't stay?

Earlier in the week, dcb cried and wanted to show dad what he made out of lego duplos and dragged dad through the house to the playroom, then cried until dad helped him make a lego car.
Today, we were playing super heroes, he was dressed up in a cape when mom came and he cried wanting his mom to be a villain and let him chase her around. She said, "It will make him happy and stop crying" She walked right passed me and started playing.
This seriously happens everyday, I wish I could wait in my car with him, hand him over and then run inside!

So...
Do you let DCP "play" at pick up or go to the playroom to see what they made out of blocks? What if the parents come early, would that be ok for DCP to play then?

My suggestion would be to close the daycare down. Things that I have done, to get the point across is....

Putting a gate up at entryway to prevent the parent or even the child get pass the doorway.
Using sheets / table cloths / shower curtain to put the toys and crafts to put them to bed by covering them up. (DCB can help)
Do circle time after the toys are asleep, read a book (listen to a story or just tell a story), do some finger play songs. (I get Nothing out, everything is asleep)
Have the child get ready. Sing a good bye song.

I will set a phone alarm to start the closing process.

I use a driveway alarm to know when the DCP has arrived. I also, will use the sign sheet to see if there is a pattern to their arrival time, so that I have everything ready set to go.

[ColorfulSunburst]

Originally Posted by 284878

My suggestion would be to close the daycare down. Things that I have done, to get the point across is....

Putting a gate up at entryway to prevent the parent or even the child get pass the doorway.
Using sheets / table cloths / shower curtain to put the toys and crafts to put them to bed by covering them up. (DCB can help)

my suggestion would be to learn how to say "NO" to parents.

[Josiegirl]

Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst

my suggestion would be to learn how to say "NO" to parents.

In an ideal world.....

[daycarediva]

I have flat out told parents, "Your child is the last one here. I really need to end my day now. I'm sure you understand."

I have also had the child completely ready to go, waiting outside playing, door locked, handed child to the parent, said goodbye, and then got in my car and left. (even to drive around the block) daily.

I would also suggest, having child's shoes on and not allowing the child in with shoes on/waiting at the door.

Explaining to parent/s that the child is struggling with transitions and that you are going to be trying (X) at the end of the day to help the transition from daycare to home go smoothly. End it with how happy you are that dcb enjoys playing here, but how it must be hard on them trying to get him out and home at the end of the day and you're happy to help him with that.

Blocking off the entry way in some way. My new daycare space I am building a pony wall and 1/2 door. The parents won't be able to come all the way in with their child to avoid these situtations (and the drop off nightmares where the child stops crying the SECOND the door is closed behind the parent)

Explaining to dcb before parents arrive that play is over, toys are put away for today, and we can play tomorrow. Reminding him-when dcb tries to get parent to play, say "Oh no dcb, everything is put away now. We can play again tomorrow."

[laundrymom]

"I'm sorry mom (or dad) but this is a pattern that needs to stop. I understand telling joey no is hard after being gone all day but he needs to realize that when you get here it's time to go home. He needs to have the opportunity now to practice his transition skills so when he goes to school and later on in life he has the social tools to adapt to new environments."

Or
"joey, no. It's time to go home. You can play with daddy at home and your friends tomorrow. "
And smile.

[Pestle]

"Johnny is having trouble transitioning at the end of play time. I've made changes to our activities so that the transition is easier for him, but I need you to support me. This day care operates out of my home. I need you to respect that, once the day care closes, my home is for my own family's use only."

[lovemykidstoo]

I have a dcb like this except the parent doesn't come in to play or anything, but as soon as he sees it's his parent that comes through the door he runs into the living room, which is right there. Dad stands there, johnny come on, johnny come on, johnny come on and johnny stands and plays in the living room. He's 2 years old. Finally I walk in and grab him and bring him to the door. This has gone on for quite some time. The last time he walked by dad to go into the living room and dad grabbed him and said oh no, let's go. What makes them think we want to hang out for 10 minutes at the end of the day? ugh

[ColorfulSunburst]

Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo

What makes them think we want to hang out for 10 minutes at the end of the day? ugh

Your silence.
Do not wait for when a parent/kid would guess that you are unhappy. Let him know in a very clear way that his action is not acceptable.

[Pestle]

I had a family that would charge into the private areas of my house. I had to tell them flat-out not to, but I also put up a curtain on a tension rod. That created a visual barrier to communicate: You don't belong here. Is there some transitional area of the house, like a foyer, where you can create a similar visual barrier at the end of the day?

[284878]

Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst

my suggestion would be to learn how to say "NO" to parents.

While I understand you are reasoning for saying no versus using my suggestions to prevent the situation from reoccurring. Sometimes situations that are basically minor can be resolved by preventing reoccurrence verses confrontation. In one of Tom Copeland blogs about policies he wrote you have to ask yourself what will make you happy. In this situation I would be happier not having to confront the parents a minor thing but prevent situation from reoccurring and if it happens again, I would start by reminding DCB that the toys are asleep and then confronting the parents that they need to go.

[Indoorvoice]

I have also had success with talking to the child about the end of the day rules and holding THEM accountable. Sometimes the child will even correct their parents for me now. It doesn't work for all of them, but it has for most of mine.

[Rockgirl]

I've had kids try from time to time. We pick up everything a little before closing time, and I read them books or we work on one thing together. When they try to get toys out, I say, "Oh--we're all done with the toys for today--they are all picked up. We can play tomorrow." I haven't had a parent allow their child to get them out after I say that, but I'm sure some would!

[Heart12]

I'm trying to figure out how to get one of my infant parents out of here faster! Every morning at drop-off she stays for 20-30min & then its the same thing at the end of the day! Lately Ive began cleaning up toys & trying not to engage in conversation so that she can just get her car seat & go. Sometimes she just stands there & watches me, & I feel like Im being soooo rude but it truly does bother me that she stays for so long

[Blackcat31]

I operate on contracted hours. If a parent is still present on my property after their contracted pick up time, they are billed $1 a minute (the first time) so... most my families pick up and go immediately.

They can play at home.... on their watch.

....those families that straggle and don't want to leave....it's because YOU are providing the entertainment and the supervision for their child. Makes for easy parenting...


I don't view this as confrontational at all.
It is simply time to go.


"Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time
Turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here." ~ Semisonic



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8

[Crazy Baby]

I have a DCB that will do everything that he knows is against the rules as soon as his parent comes through the door. For example, he'll run into my bedroom and starts taking things out of the closet. It is so obnoxious because he knows that he is not suppose to do it and he knows that I will not do much about it in front of his parent. I just do not feel comfortable "disciplining" him while they are there. I feel that it is their job while they are present.

Anyway, the best solution I have found is to have him ready with coat on and all belongings ready to go when they arrive. I also have a no shoes on the carpet policy that his mom follows, so that helps to keep him out of the other part of my house.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Crazy Baby

I have a DCB that will do everything that he knows is against the rules as soon as his parent comes through the door. For example, he'll run into my bedroom and starts taking things out of the closet. It is so obnoxious because he knows that he is not suppose to do it and he knows that I will not do much about it in front of his parent. I just do not feel comfortable "disciplining" him while they are there. I feel that it is their job while they are present.

Anyway, the best solution I have found is to have him ready with coat on and all belongings ready to go when they arrive. I also have a no shoes on the carpet policy that his mom follows, so that helps to keep him out of the other part of my house.

I am another provider that will not discipline a child while their parent is present. It goes directly against my philosophy on how I view parental responsibility.

How old is the child you mentioned above?

[Rockgirl]

I also believe the parents SHOULD handle their own child, but if a child was going into my bedroom closet and the parent just stood back and let it happen? I would definitely say something. That is a complete lack of respect on the child and parent's part--my bedroom is off limits to children, and I wouldn't think twice about saying no.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Rockgirl

I also believe the parents SHOULD handle their own child, but if a child was going into my bedroom closet and the parent just stood back and let it happen? I would definitely say something. That is a complete lack of respect on the child and parent's part--my bedroom is off limits to children, and I wouldn't think twice about saying no.

I would definitely say something too.....but to the parent not the child.

My physical space doesn't allow for children to re-enter the main area of my facility so that solves alot of the issue for me.

[Rockgirl]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I would definitely say something too.....but to the parent not the child.

My physical space doesn't allow for children to re-enter the main area of my facility so that solves alot of the issue for me.

Good point--address the parent and let them handle the child. I don't believe I've ever had a parent who would allow that, thank goodness!

[Ariana]

I usually play "speak for the parent" when parents try to pull this crap which thankfully has not happened too much. "Sorry Johnny it is time to go, mom can play chase when you get home....now go find your shoes" repeat over and over.

I agree with a previous poster that this is happening because of silence. If you don't feel comfortable addressing the parents, direct your response to the child. Keep talking to make sure you are in control of the conversation "did I tell you what X did today? It was so funny" Or "Did you guys have a good weekend" etc. Keep them focused on something else until they are out the door.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Rockgirl

Good point--address the parent and let them handle the child. I don't believe I've ever had a parent who would allow that, thank goodness!

I think I've had maybe two in 20+ years that let their kid run wild while doing/saying nothing...

I think it was different when I was younger than the parents but now that all my parents are MY kids' age it's natural to take a parental like role.

[Meeko]

I have no problem taking parents to task, mainly due to the fact that I am old enough to be their parent.

I do understand that it can be difficult to confront for some.

That's when it helps to talk to the child...with the comments directed at the parents.

"Sorry Johnny, you know we don't get the toys out after they have been put away! It's time for Miss ABC to spend time with her family now!"

Most parents would get the message without you having to tell them.

I did this before my backbone was fully developed LOL!