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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Physically Violent Towards Me DCK
Crazy Baby 01:56 PM 12-11-2017
How should I handle the situation?

DCB does not want to come to daycare most mornings. It is a struggle to get him in here and get his mom out the door. She hangs around and then I have to hold DCB so she can leave. We usually have to pry him off of her, he will hold on to her arm or a finger and it is difficult to get him loose. After I am finally able to hold him, he will hit, scratch, pinch, and punch me usually in my throat area.

I am not sure what the best approach to this nightmare of a drop off is. It is making all of us uncomfortable. I am sure the mother feels terrible leaving her kid in that way too.

Anyone else deal with this sort of thing? What did you do?
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Rockgirl 02:11 PM 12-11-2017
If I couldnít curb that behavior quickly, Iíd term. I will not tolerate a child being violent toward me or anyone, and itís not good for the other dcks to witness that.
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Mike 02:19 PM 12-11-2017
Originally Posted by Crazy Baby:
How should I handle the situation?

DCB does not want to come to daycare most mornings. It is a struggle to get him in here and get his mom out the door. She hangs around and then I have to hold DCB so she can leave. We usually have to pry him off of her, he will hold on to her arm or a finger and it is difficult to get him loose. After I am finally able to hold him, he will hit, scratch, pinch, and punch me usually in my throat area.

I am not sure what the best approach to this nightmare of a drop off is. It is making all of us uncomfortable. I am sure the mother feels terrible leaving her kid in that way too.

Anyone else deal with this sort of thing? What did you do?
Based on other's experience and posts here, I'd say that could be the problem. What if the mother just dropped and left?

Other than that, I agree with Rockgirl. If violence can't be stopped, time to term.
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storybookending 02:46 PM 12-11-2017
Tell the mom you are worried about his behavior at drop off and that if she wants to keep her daycare that she needs to do what you say when you suggest a quick drop off. Tell her exactly what you want her to do. Whether she comes in takes his shoes and jacket off says goodbye and leaves or comes in and tells him to take his things off, says goodbye and leaves. Quick hug and out the door. Do you have a spot out of the way of other children that the child could sit? Tell him he needs to stay on that spot until he is calm and ready to play and then ignore him. A 2 year old should be able to understand and figure that out.
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happymom 03:28 PM 12-11-2017
How old is he?

My child was this child around the time he turned 3. We tried everything, but still dealt with prying him off me at drop off.

We curbed it by having a "homework" page sent home every day. I would suggest mom buying "The Big Fun Preschool Activity Book" from highlights. They can work on one activity together each night and then "turn it in" to you in the morning. My little guy changed his attitude so quickly when he had something he was proud of to turn in in the morning. It was such a silly thing that worked for us, but it was light night and day once we started it.

It was definitely just a phase for my son -- after a few weeks of "homework" drop off was back to normal.
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Snowmom 03:40 PM 12-11-2017
Hitting, punching, scratching & pinching.

Does mom know this is happening? What does she say?
You could try Nan's "bye bye outside" approach and see if it changes. Essentially, they need to do their goodbyes before opening the door.

But honestly, it sounds to me like he may need a different environment. Nobody should have to put up with violent behavior. Do the other kids you care for see this? Does it spill over to them, meaning does he treat other kids this way or just you?
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Play Care 03:55 PM 12-11-2017
No, just no. At most I would do bye bye outside, but I do not hold kids so parents can leave. You risk getting hurt or inadvertently hurting the child.
I've had ONE kid try to kick me in 12 years, she was gone that day. Play Care doesn't play those games, lol.
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Unregistered 04:32 PM 12-11-2017
Mom is enabling this..it makes her feel wanted. Drop off outside. Hand off at door and shut mom out. If mom disagrees term.
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Leigh 04:33 PM 12-11-2017
I'd call mom TONIGHT. Tell her that you can't keep getting attacked by her child. Tell her that from now on, you won't be physically holding him back. SHE needs to get him ready to come to daycare, and then she needs to bring him in and leave IMMEDIATELY without you being involved. SHE should set him down, and if he clings to her, SHE needs to deal with prying him off. Let her know that the longer she lingers, the more she reinforces that she feels guilty leaving him behind, and the more he picks up that his behavior might make Mom stay.
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flying_babyb 04:50 PM 12-11-2017
I have this child right now! I have to physically hold him till dads out of the building then he refuses to take off his coat, so he throws chairs ect with his coat on. Today I dumped him in the corner, told him to let me know when he wanted his hug and til then I would not talk to him
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CityGarden 05:02 PM 12-11-2017
So sorry this is happening

I did have to change my opening activities. We always have something very fun and tactile on the table that the child will be drawn to which helps. I also asked parents to limit their time at drop off..... and told them if their child needed extra cuddles, love, etc. they are welcome to read a book to their child on the porch.

I would not allow a child to hurt me or put me in a position of being hurt.
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lovemykidstoo 05:26 PM 12-11-2017
Oh yes, I've had this exact same situation. Last spring/summer. He would hit his mom constantly. Then at pick up as soon as she walked in the door he hit her. Then we'd have to pry him off, then he would throw a fit on my floor and scream and carry on. Then I texted mom and said, we have to come up with a new plan. I told her I've done this before and I call it the football pass. I open the door, grab the child and close the door. The transition is over before he knows it. She said absolutely! She was tired of it too. Even though it was really her inconsistency that caused his bad behavior. Took a good month and then he was fine and is fine now with drop off. It's just the rest of the day that he's terrible still. He has severe discipline issues.
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Ariana 09:01 AM 12-12-2017
Mom is responsible for prying a child off her, not me. Then mom needs to leave quickly. You are being the bad guy and its moms job to be the bad guy. Do not touch the child. A flailing child is a BIG liability because they can injure you or themselves.

I have had a few kids who have freaked at drop off. What works is 100% ignoring and mom leaving quickly without a word. Kid goes in the door and she leaves....no words.
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ColorfulSunburst 11:55 AM 12-12-2017
I usually say "Run mommy, run!" and smile.

I did it a few times. Works great They really run away. Fast.
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lovemykidstoo 11:58 AM 12-12-2017
Originally Posted by ColorfulSunburst:
I usually say "Run mommy, run!" and smile.

I did it a few times. Works great They really run away. Fast.
I have done that too with the boy I described above hahaha! Works, she ran too!
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Crazy Baby 07:30 AM 12-13-2017
The boy is 3.5 years old.

His mother is having trouble just leaving him quickly. It really troubles her.

I have a fun activity out every morning for this boy's arrival. More often than not he still freaks out.
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Kimskiddos 08:13 AM 12-13-2017
If she is having trouble, ask her to leave quickly and tell her soon as the kiddo calms down I'll text a photo. I've sent them before the left my street!

I think it helps them to see the upset is over quickly. So that makes it easier to do a quick drop off.
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lovemykidstoo 09:12 AM 12-13-2017
Originally Posted by Crazy Baby:
The boy is 3.5 years old.

His mother is having trouble just leaving him quickly. It really troubles her.

I have a fun activity out every morning for this boy's arrival. More often than not he still freaks out.
When she leaves, does he recover quickly? My dcb that did that sometimes recovered before she got to the car. I would take a pic and send it to her and like Kimskiddos said, before they hit the street and would make mom realize that she had to leave fast because he was fine.
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Tags:buh-bye outside, violent behaviour
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