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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would You Call This A Red Flag?
EchoMom 03:14 PM 01-07-2013
So I had an interview a few weeks ago that went VERY VERY well and I thought for sure I was going to sign them up. But then at the last minute a problem arose... Turns out the DCM was friends of a friend of a family I had recently termed and that family had badmouthed me somehow for terming them on "short notice." Don't know what else was said bad about me, etc. But although the DCM seemed VERY VERY interested, she ended up chosing another provider.

Now, a couple weeks later she just emailed me saying she was embarrassed, but it isn't working out with the other provider and do I still have a spot available? And she's sorry, she felt like she was pressured into making a decision she wasn't comfortable with.

I told her I'd still be happy to provide care for her daughter, but I would like to know what didn't work out with the other provider, and was there any other reasons she chose the other provider over me if there was something I could improve on, if possible.

Would you think it's a red flag? Or that she just did get pressured by the friend of a friend situation who was badmouthing me and made a mistake and now wants to come to my daycare which is what she really wanted to do all along.

Thoughts??
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wdmmom 03:21 PM 01-07-2013
She may have had the pressure from her friends, but I dont believe thats really an excuse.

Before signing her on, I would ask for the providers name and number. Give her a jingle. See how things went, what didn't work out, how her payment history is, etc.

I would definitely suggest approaching with caution before enrolling.
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Heidi 03:21 PM 01-07-2013
I'd give her a chance, just make sure to be very clear about policies, etc.

She's giving you her baby, and if YOUR friend said "don't take your baby there because ***..." you might think twice too. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.
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crazydaycarelady 03:22 PM 01-07-2013
I think she might be a good one to take. She'll probably really appreciate you now has the ability to admit a mistake and apologize?? That sounds like a keeper!
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cheerfuldom 03:24 PM 01-07-2013
I would do it on a trial basis. She obviously realized she made a mistake. I think its a good sign that she apologized and seemed to approach you respectfully about it.
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daycare 03:26 PM 01-07-2013
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
She may have had the pressure from her friends, but I dont believe thats really an excuse.

Before signing her on, I would ask for the providers name and number. Give her a jingle. See how things went, what didn't work out, how her payment history is, etc.

I would definitely suggest approaching with caution before enrolling.
I would also want to find out why it didnt work out with the other provider.... I always ask why people are looking for care. Sometimes it turns out that they don't like the Daycare policies and then I have to tell them I have the same policy, so coming here would be no different.....

If it was just something where the hours conflicted, then I would consider taking that child....
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LK5kids 03:58 PM 01-07-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
I'd give her a chance, just make sure to be very clear about policies, etc.

She's giving you her baby, and if YOUR friend said "don't take your baby there because ***..." you might think twice too. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.
Same thoughts here!
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MarinaVanessa 05:23 PM 01-07-2013
I'd give her another shot also BUT I think I not only would want to check up on the previous provider I'd also want to know what was her motive for not choosing me ... as in what that was said to her about my DC made her choose another provider.

If it was simply the idea that the other family thinks I terminated with short notice and I gave them a 2 week notice then I'd just explain that it's an appropriate amount of time to terminate a client. If I terminated abruptly with no notice due to some issue such as the child's behavior, rudeness on the parent's part, constant late payments etc. then I'd address that issue without actually discussing specifics with them. Something like:

DCM: _____ said that you terminated services without any notice so I chose a different provider.
ME: I see, well ... unfortunately _____ had needs that I couldn't fill and so going our separate ways was the best thing for both of us. I have a certain way of running my business as you can see by my contract and handbook and I expect all of my clients to follow the policies. I wish her and her family well and don't harbor any ill feeling towards them, we just weren't a good fit. If you have read and follow the policies you and I won't have any issues at all. (all being said with a sincere tone and smile).

This way you are not only clarifying that you weren't just being spiteful and terminated without notice for no reason you are also setting the tone to let her know "hey, follow the policies and we won't have issues". You also aren't giving out specifics or breaking any privacy policies.
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coolconfidentme 02:47 AM 01-08-2013
Similar situation:
I interview for a parent with 3 children. Everything went well & she was going to sign on. Two days later I get a text saying she will not need my services.

The following Monday she came to my daycare asking if I would give her another chance. I asked her why she choose not to go with me when we interviewed..., can I improve on something. She told me her current provider bad mouth me when she she put in her notice & bullied her into staying. (I do NOT know this person & she doesn't know me. )

I told the parent it was an unfortunate situation she was put in & took her kids on. She has since refereed another child to my daycare.
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jessrlee 04:22 AM 01-08-2013
I think it's awesome that she is so honest. I would give her a chance!
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Heidi 05:50 AM 01-08-2013
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
She may have had the pressure from her friends, but I dont believe thats really an excuse.

Before signing her on, I would ask for the providers name and number. Give her a jingle. See how things went, what didn't work out, how her payment history is, etc.

I would definitely suggest approaching with caution before enrolling.
I don't know about calling the other provider, unless she knows her. It would be the word of a complete stranger; somewhere where things "didn't work out". I'd say the other provider has too much of a stake in it to be objective.
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countrymom 05:56 AM 01-08-2013
I would take them, first because it takes alot to apoligize and that is pretty good. Also, I bet you that her friend had bad mouthed you and told her not to choose you.

but I would ask why she didn't like there. It could be anything.

I had a mom who came to an interview, her friend acually told her to go to the other daycare. So when the mom went, she was shocked by the conditions of the daycare. The other mom was persuading her to go to the other one. But mom ended up coming back to me. But I did ask why she didn't like it there, its always nice to know what I can improve on and things like this. (the mom was shocked at the amount of sick kids in the daycare and the dog was like the snot of the kids faces)
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BumbleBee 06:18 AM 01-08-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I would take them, first because it takes alot to apoligize and that is pretty good. Also, I bet you that her friend had bad mouthed you and told her not to choose you.

but I would ask why she didn't like there. It could be anything.

I had a mom who came to an interview, her friend acually told her to go to the other daycare. So when the mom went, she was shocked by the conditions of the daycare. The other mom was persuading her to go to the other one. But mom ended up coming back to me. But I did ask why she didn't like it there, its always nice to know what I can improve on and things like this. (the mom was shocked at the amount of sick kids in the daycare and the dog was like the snot of the kids faces)
*gag* at that last line. Where is the vomit icon when you need it!
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KEG123 08:51 AM 01-08-2013
I would let her come. All clients have a trial period so I wouldn't worry about that. But to me, it shows real maturity to me for someone to apologize like that. I'd actually try to get her to spill on what her friend said about your daycare and try and clear the air there and "defend" yourself.
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EchoMom 09:03 AM 01-08-2013
Well, she replied again. I'd said the position was still available, but I had concerns and would like to know what she was unhappy with about the other provider.

Do you think these are red flags? I'm getting a really bad feeling about it.

The reasons she said were:
1. Her 17 month old clings to her and cries at drop off (she would do that here to)
2. They don't have many toys (maybe they're just not all out?)
3. She feels mislead
4. The doors were unlocked at drop off (mine are too)
5. The teenage daughter was changing a diaper (I let my niece change wet diapers and help with babies too because she is excellent and loves to)
6. When she arrived to drop off the provider didn't greet her for 7 min and was upstairs. (maybe she had to go to the bathroom) but the teenager was keeping an eye on the toddler walking around and the baby was strapped in the car seat in the living room.

I would not put a child in a car seat, but it seems perfectly fine to me that for 7 min maybe she was checking her email, maybe she was going to the bathroom, maybe she was switching the laundry, etc. etc. And it sounds perfectly fine to me that the teenager was watching the kids, especially if it was only one toddler and one baby.
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Blackcat31 09:10 AM 01-08-2013
Although I have had situations in the past where families declined care and choose someone else only to end up coming back to me and a lot of them worked out for the positive, I really honestly think in this situation that your instincts are "yelling" at you for a reason.

While we don't know ALL the details and don't know you or thid family IRL, or anything more than what you are stating, I think the underlying theme here is your gut instincts and based on your posts, they are talking and talking pretty loudly so I vote listen to them.

If something feels "off", it usually is.
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countrymom 09:38 AM 01-08-2013
ok, something isn't right. Did she even go and meet this lady. Because wouldn't you notice that she didn't have alot of toys. I assume the provider told her about the teenager (which I'm assuming is her daughter), my doors are unlocked at drop of too.

I would call the other provider, something is fishy. Really the things she discribed are petty things and really don't warrent for leaving.
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blandino 09:40 AM 01-08-2013
I would say that all of those sound like things that happen at most daycares. We don't have a teenager, but when my 21 year old younger brother (background checked, & listed as staff) is home from college, he definitely keeps an eye on the kids while I cook or go to the bathroom. I guess the one that stands out to me is how concerned she is that her 17 month old is clinging to her at drop off. IMHO that is the absolutely hardest age (12-24 months) to start a new daycare. They are old enough to know that mom is leaving and they are in a new place, but too young to have anything explained or at least to comprehend it. Most of the time at that age we expect a month of crying at drop off (have had some do it for up to 2 months).

As far as the toys go - I would think she would have seen that when she interviewed ?!?

I would agree about the instincts - if it seems off, don't do it. Every time we have gone against our instincts we have regretted it.
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blandino 09:47 AM 01-08-2013
I guess I would just go over all of her concerns and explain each one.

1. You can expect a transition period of up to (and sometimes over a month). It doesn't mean your child is miserable all day at daycare. Your child will probably do that in my care too, rest assured it will subside. Etc....

2. Nothing to be said about toys

3. Not sure how she feels misled ?

4. Your doors are also unlocked during drop off & pick up times. But are locked the rest of the day (if they are ?!?)

5. Sometimes you allow your neice to chane diapers... Etc.

I would just thoroughly explain all of her areas of concern. It sounds to me like she doesn't have a very good understanding of how a daycare needs to operate and maybe with a thorough understanding she would be more comfortable at your daycare. You would be surprised the number of parents who have told me "I never thought about it from your point", when I explain my reasonings for how/why I do things.
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Mommy2One 08:09 AM 01-09-2013
Trust your gut but I have a slightly different view of the parent's actions and responses than most of the other replies.

When I went back to work, my employer wanted me to start very quickly. We lined up 4 interviews in a two day period. We met a provider who my husband and I both instantly liked and had a great interview with but later that day we met another provider that also seemed like a good fit. After weighing the pros and cons of both, we ended selecting Provider #2 because it was a very low ratio and we liked the way she got down on the floor and played with our daughter and seemed very friendly.

We sent an email to Provider #1 thanking her for taking the time to meet with us and how much we liked her program, etc. but that we'd made another choice.

At the end of two weeks my husband and I both were getting a feeling that we'd made the wrong decision as we interacted with Provider #2 more and noticed small things at drop off and pick up that we weren't super comfortable/happy with (amount of TV time, security of the front door, etc.). Thankfully Provider #1 still had an opening and was willing to accept our daughter - we ended up having a great 10 month relationship with her that only ended when a family emergency left her unable to provide childcare services anymore.

Long story short, there was nothing "wrong" with us, or even a significant issue (like neglect, abuse) with Provider #2 - we were just inexperienced at interviewing providers and things we thought were super important (low ratio) ended up being less important than things like professionalism and maturity of the caretaker. If Provider #1 had asked for a list of reasons why we left Provider #2, I'm sure it would have seemed very petty - there wasn't a single big issue or event and any one, or even two or three of the little things that made us uncomfortable wouldn't have been a problem by itself. It was just a general gut feeling from a bunch of tiny clues that maybe she wasn't as mature/competent/capable of handling an emergency as we would like someone caring for our child to be and given that my husband and I were both gradually reaching that same conclusion without comparing notes along the way solidified it for us.
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Meyou 08:29 AM 01-09-2013
My teens help out especially in the summer but I'm very clear at the interview level that this happens so parents can opt out before they opt in and don't like something.

I personally get the feeling that this is a super nervous first time mom and if you take the time to explain everything clearly and make sure she knows to ask you if she feels off about something it may work out just fine.

Most parents wouldn't know that a 17 month old is probably going to scream like a banshee at dropoffs for the first little bit. But if mom and dad know and are prepared for the screaming it's not nearly so big an issue. If they arent' prepared that could be quite upsetting. You know how they can scream at that age if they want to.

Sometimes as providers I think we assume a little too much about parental knowledge. There are alot of them out there that are barely surviving and really don't know what to do for certain things or most things. What we see as "red flags" are just sometimes clueless moms and dads trying to make it work with what they feel is ok. With a little more info they can have a totally different outlook on parenting.
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